Disclaimer: The views and opinions in this story are not intended to be viewed as those of the author. The following is a fan-written fiction. Gravity Falls, Star vs. The Forces of Evil, Kim Possible, and Big Bad Beetleborgs are property of their respective owners, creators, and publishers. Please support the official releases.
TW: This story will contain references to physical and psychological abuse, murder, and torture.
|Calamity|
Trip was still chuckling as he and his brother made it around the school to its lockers, where no students or teachers could be found, and even the lights were turned out. Combined with the outside lockers being in the shadow of the school with the stadium's lights on at full blast, it was darker than normal in this part of Echo Creek Academy. After the setbacks, after wasted money, and after being needled by a loser who thought he was so cool coming and going as he pleased… they had done it.
"We got him!" Van quietly cheered. "The whole school saw that! Two whole schools saw that, I can't believe it went so perfect!"
Trip grinned. "Right? And it was so well-done, too, for only taking two days to set up."
Van rubbed his hands together. "I'm going to sing that stupid little song whenever I see him. Oh man!"
Trip's smile grew when three figures emerged in the dark. Sasha, leading Marcy and Anne, walked down the row of lockers to meet the brothers, all three of them looking around warily. When they drew close, they saw that Sasha didn't seem to be in a particularly good mood, in spite of the success of her plan.
"And here are the ladies who made it possible!" Trip said. "I had my doubts, but… oh my gosh. You pulled through as advertised!"
Sasha pursed her lips and shrugged her shoulders. "Well, I wouldn't have bothered if I couldn't do it, and I couldn't have done it without my girls."
She put her arms around Anne and Marcy, pulling them in close tightly. She lowered her head and stared pointedly at Trip as she did. "Are you satisfied?"
The Vanderhoffs look at each other, before Trip replied. "Satisfied? I want to put you on retainer, that was incredible."
Sasha held up one hand. "That won't be necessary. Can we just collect our payment so I can get outta here?"
Trip nodded. "Of course." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a single stack of bills, before handing it to her. "Ten thousand dollars. It might not look like a lot, but you know… they stuff a bunch of ones in those stupid money briefcases in movies."
Anne stared at it. "That is still the most money I've ever seen in person in my entire life."
Thumbing through the stack, Sasha handed it to Marcy. "Mar-Mar?"
Marcy pulled out her phone and turned on a light to check the money. "Okay!" After she spent a moment fumbling with both the phone and the money, Anne sighed and took the phone to hold the light steady. "Hah, thanks Anna-Banana."
She examined, counted, sniffed, and carefully eyed the money before handing it to Sasha. "It's legit. Ten thousand smackaroos plus a ten percent tip."
Sasha looked at the brothers and focused on Van as he winked and clicked his teeth. "Just a little something extra to show our appreciation."
She shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever, man. Enjoy your social superiority over some guy."
Letting go of Anne and Marcy, Sasha turned and walked back off into the dark, her friends following. Van called after them. "Hey, you have my Insta, hit me up anytime!"
In the dark with her back to him, Sasha was free to make the look of complete revulsion at the idea of interacting with either of the Vanderhoffs after this. Anne and Marcy both giggled at her reaction, and without context Van took it as a very positive response. Trip shook his head and turned away.
"She's still out of your league," he pointed out.
Van sighed. "I don't care, I'm still gonna go for it," he asserted as the SJHS girls turned the corner they came from and left. "So what do you want to do now? Britta's is still open, or we can go ride around and see what trouble we can start."
Trip was a fan of neither prospect. "Actually. I'm just about ready to call it a night. I've been waiting two whole days for this and now that I've gotten my payoff… I'm ready to lie down and sleep like a king."
It was at that moment, Dipper replied. "Oh, we haven't gotten to the payoff yet."
Both Trip and Van felt their blood run ice cold, as they turned to see him step out from the end of the lockers in the direction they had just arrived from, holding in his hand Misao's cellphone. The phone's bright screen illuminated his face, revealing the intense, simmering scowl he leveled on the brothers.
Van looked at his smaller brother, then back at Dipper, and he let out a stiff chuckle that didn't do the job of hiding his spike of fear as he hoped. "… Hah… well, well, well… the little lamby-lamby showed up."
Trip likewise laughed. "You have a lot of nerve showing your face around here after you've been thrown out. Especially after what. Just. Happened."
Dipper's eyebrows lifted just slightly, before he looked up at the corona of light rising above the school building that cast them in shadow. "Oh, what, that little jumbotron stunt?"
Now Trip grinned viciously, his brother mirroring him. "The whole school is laughing at what a pathetic twerp you really are, and you'll never live it down, jackass! How do you like that, huh?"
Van cracked his knuckles. "And now I get to add injury to insult. You're too easy, Pine Tree."
Dipper looked at Misao's phone, then back at the brothers. "You think I actually care about your stupid stunt?"
Both were given pause, before Trip snapped back. "Of course you do, they're still laughing over there!"
"I really don't," Dipper insisted. "I care much, much more about you paying people money to attack me." He said as he held up the phone screen to them, showing Van's Instagram page with Dipper's bounty on it.
Van cursed under his breath, but his bravado diminished none. "Yeah, so what? What are you gonna do about it, call the cops? Tell on us to our Dad? It's not going to matter."
Trip agreed. "You don't get it, Pine Tree. You could record everything we're saying and tell everyone about it. We've got the money to do and get away with whatever we want, and there's nothing you can do about it."
Dipper refuted that. "There's one thing I can do."
Van huffed and tossed his blonde locks. "And what would that be?"
Dipper put Misao's phone away. "I can get my friends and beat the crap out of you."
Trip laughed, at him. "What friends, you lanky loser? Your sister?! That fat pig girl?!"
On cue Star walked out from Dipper's left and joined his side, with wand in hand and her cheek marks transformed from hearts to gray skulls. Van paled at the sight of her, as she stared back at them with an unkind expression–like the only thing holding her back was Dipper's word.
"The magical girl from another dimension," she said.
Footsteps behind them brought their attention to Marco and Janna, Marco wringing his hands, while Janna tapped a tire iron against her thigh with her right hand.
"The martial artist who fought monsters in the street with his bare hands," he said.
Janna brought the tire iron up to rest against the side of her neck. "The weirdo goth bitch who isn't considerate enough to bother with warnings or apologies."
Dipper looked around. "Look at that, three friends, already."
Shuffling closer to his brother, as their 2:1 advantage became a 4:2 disadvantage, Trip tried to maintain his superiority. "So you're all going to do it, right here? With cameras watching this spot?"
Dipper shook his head again. "They're off."
Janna spoke up. "Yeah, this school's cheap wiring can't handle CCTV and a multimillion-dollar stadium built in under a month at the same time; who knew?"
"I'll call the cops," Trip snapped, his voice higher with his creeping fear.
"They will not save you from this," Dipper said.
Trip's tone went from pitched fear to angry seething. "Then… then I will make sure your lives are a living hell. I make more money in a week in allowance than you will see in your entire life! I can make you disappear, I can erase your names from history! So don't fuck with me!"
Dipper's indifferent expression said everything, but he still had to answer. "Cool rant, but we're still going to stomp the crap out of you."
"Yep," Star agreed.
"Uh-huh," Marco added.
"I'm going to enjoy this," Janna promised.
Trip lost the fire immediately and squeaked in fear. He looked to his brother for some kind of support but found him pale and trembling as his eyes remained locked upon Star and her wand. The sound of footsteps approaching brought his attention to Mabel and Misao as the two approached the confrontation, Mabel looked more disappointed at the brothers than angry or contemptuous while Misao's expression was of nothing but seething wrath.
"You were warned, explicitly, of what would happen. That the only reason you are not broken is because you were not worth our time," she said.
"You're still not," Dipper said as he handed her phone back to her.
Mabel put on a smile. "But like the little lady told you, we're going to make the time."
Misao looked at her, Dipper, Star, Marco, and then Janna. "That clock starts now."
Van held up his arms. "No, no, no! Wait, wait–!"
A murderous glint appeared in Dipper's eyes, and he lunged straight at the brothers; the instant Van was within reach he drilled a right hook into his jaw, sending the bigger Vanderhoff staggering into the lockers to Dipper's left. Catching himself against the lockers, Van let out a short groan before he slumped against it and crumpled to the ground, unconscious.
Trip stepped back; his eyes wide as his brother went down for the count. He looked up at Dipper and let out a fearful whimper.
"Go ahead," his assailant insisted, "Run."
Trip let out a scream and turned away to flee–running right into a front kick slammed square into his stomach by Marco. The wind blasted from his lungs, Trip fell backward and into Dipper's grasp.
Wrestling him into a headlock, Dipper dragged Trip over to where his brother laid and slammed him hard into the locker, pinning him between it and his side. As he coughed and wheezed, his glasses threatening to slip off, he looked around to see Marco, Star, Mabel, Misao, and Janna gather around.
"Please, let me go…! I'm sorry–!" Trip pleaded.
"You sent Lars Vanderdud to punch me out in the middle of lunch, you had guys jump me and film it," Dipper replied.
"And don't forget this," Star said, "But it's kind of weak compared to the other two."
Marco nodded in agreement. "But still, ten thousand dollars for that?"
Misao went through Van's pockets and pulled out his phone. Trip saw this and squirmed again. "What are you doing?!"
Janna took Van's limp hand and put his thumb to the phone's sensor, unlocking it and granting Misao full access to the device that she didn't waste time on. "Cloning your brother's phone and sending everything on it to mine," Misao said. "It's very easy for me."
"NO!" Trip shoved himself and Dipper back to get free and was rewarded with a swift hit to the stomach from Janna's tire iron that almost made his legs collapse under him. As he doubled over, Dipper pulled him closer and spoke in his ear.
"Not really that tough when your money can't save you, huh? Not that it ever could." Lifting him up he threw Trip to the ground next to his brother and stepped back.
Trip raised his arms to shield himself, whimpering in fear. "No, please! I'll pay you, just don't hurt me!"
"Remember what I said about saying no to someone who's never been told? It still as priceless as ever." Marco shot back.
"Well said, Diaz," Janna congratulated before looking between him and Star. "So, there's an artform to this."
Star snapped her fingers and pointed at her. "Aim for the limbs, back, and the crotch. Hard enough to bruise but not enough to break–and avoid the head and neck."
Marco raised an eyebrow, before he understood. "Pony Head."
Star beamed. "Actually my friend Kelly, who I really have to introduce you all to."
Janna nodded. "You see that? Those are street smarts, right there. It's all about sending a message, and it's written in pain."
Trip scrambled back until his back was against the lockers, his right hand raised to keep them back "SOMEBODY HELP ME–!"
A blast of green glitter from Star's wand struck him in the mouth, gumming it shut. With a muffled scream he looked at her, and then everyone else.
"Let's put the boots to 'em," Dipper said, "And be done with these assholes."
Trip Vanderhoff's screams were soon muffled by the impacts of Dipper, Marco, Janna, Star, Misao, and Mabel viciously kicking and stomping him and his brother over and over. As instructed, they targeted their limbs, backs, sides, backsides, and groins–being thorough in inflicting pain but making sure not to go so far as to inflict any injuries that could be lasting or life-threatening.
It did not stop Janna for getting a couple of quick kicks into Trip's stomach and ribs, though.
Van woke partway through it, but like Trip received a failed magic spell to the face to silence him and the pummeling continued until both brothers were bruised and beaten heaps laid out against the lockers.
Dipper stepped back, satisfied with their handiwork, and fist-bumped Star and Marco before slapping hands with Janna. "That should just about do it."
Trip, clutching his right arm with his left, whimpered as he glared through teary eyes at him. Dipper met his impotent anger with indifference. "If you come after me or any of my friends again…"
Misao stopped him. "Nein."
She turned and looked in the direction Sasha, Marcy, and Anne left. "Dudley, we're done."
Trip's eyes shot wide as Dudley shuffled into view, nodding his head to the group in greeting as he did. "Thank you, Mistress Misao."
Trip screamed in rage at Dudley behind his gag.
Van screamed a "TRAITOR!" at Dudley but received another swift kick in the butt by Marco that turned it into a grunt of pain.
"And as arranged, Master Van's former motocross associates have agreed to take all blame for their injuries," Dudley continued.
Misao smiled. "Splendid, they have my gratitude."
Trip grunted in confusion at that, but was kicked by Janna.
"Of course," Dudley obeyed. "Now then, I think it has been a long night for us all. I shall take my young masters to their home; you have a hopefully better rest of your evening."
With zero effort at all, Dudley picked up both the Vanderhoff brothers, and hoisted them over his shoulders. Reaching up weakly, to pull at the gunk on his face, Trip managed to sputter.
"You… you got Van's jackass friends… to take the fall for this?!" He demanded of Misao.
"They had actually wanted to beat you up themselves, but it was more important that we do this," she replied.
Mabel grinned. "They're totally fine with taking any fall that comes from this, though."
"They have no alibi, a grudge against you, and their bank accounts are all considerably heavier for their trouble," Misao said as she made the money gesture she had when she first warned the brothers.
As Trip was carried away, it occurred to him. "Wait… you knew… you knew we were going to do this?!"
Star zapped his mouth again, once more sealing it just as Dudley rounded the corner.
"Capital aim, Your Highness," Dudley said as he fell out of sight.
Marco shook his head. "I can never read that guy."
"Thank you," Dipper said, "I know this was asking a lot–"
Star stopped him. "Nononono, this? This is fine, this is the kind of thing you ask friends to help with! Besides, we're already fighting monsters together, how's a couple of normal human jerks any different?"
"She's right, this whole saving the world thing does not need the world's lamest bullies as a sideshow," Janna said.
Mabel hugged both girls. "And you're the best friends we could ask to have in this fight!"
Misao caught both Dipper and Marco and pulled them into the group hug. Dipper smiled and went with it, Marco doing the same. "Now that they are dealt with, we can focus on those more important things, ja?"
"Like looking for the Magnavores and figuring out how to send them back where they came from," Dipper said.
"Among many other important new developments," Mabel said as she looked over at Misao and winked. Misao winked back.
Jackie had a great idea, and they were excited to implement it.
On that note, Mabel brought up the lady herself. "Let's go meet up with Jackie and go home. I didn't get to buy any snacks and I'm starving."
Marco raised his hand. "I made a big plate of nachos when you called… it should still be good."
Misao gasped. "Yes, nachos at Marco's!"
Dipper gulped quietly and agreed. "Yeah, let's head that way."
The group left, Janna taking her phone and rattling off a text message as she went.
Janna Banana said:
T and V have been shut off.
Roland said:
GOOD.
Jo said:
Nice.
Dr00 said:
There's no chance they'll come back at you guys?
Janna Banana said:
It does not really matter if they do.
Mermaid Sk8r said:
:
Jo said:
Who this?
Mermaid Sk8r said:
Jackie Lynn Thomas :smiley:
Jo said:
Uhh… WHAT?
Dr00 said:
Yeah, Jackie is part of the team now.
Jo said:
How long did you know?!
Dr00 said:
Since yesterday.
Jo said:
Roland, flick him for not telling me that AT ALL.
Roland said:
If you insist.
Jo said:
N E WAY, what about the Vanderhoffs? Are they done done or what?
Janna Banana said:
If they know what's good for them, you can stick a fork in 'em. JUST IN CASE! Stay on your toes.
Dr00 said:
Good idea, idiots with a lot of money tend to be able to afford dumb decisions.
00000
The ride back to the Vanderhoff home had been in silence. For Dudley, at least. He had his classical music playing on satellite radio and nary a care in the world–least of all for the thunderous meltdown that had been going on beyond the privacy screen of the SUV he drove. Trip and Van's raging was enough to rock the Van slightly, but it was nothing he could not handle.
After weeks of this, Dudley was more than happy that Trip and Van's pointless vendetta had been settled and in the one way he'd hoped it would. Now, perhaps, he could get them away from the Pines Family and their friends, so they could focus on those dreadful monsters they fought and not be concerned by his young charges' absurd tantrums.
Or at least that was the plan, until he pulled up to the front gate of the Vanderhoff estate and found a dark green McLaren 12c blocking it. Gabe leaned against the car, tapping the tip of his wooden sword against the toe of the Converse sneaker on his right foot.
He frowned and considered calling the police. He should've taken the step to engage the child safety lock instead and regretted that he hadn't as soon as heard the rear passenger doors swing open and both Trip and Van storm out.
Hobbling with one hand against the side of the SUV, Trip stormed up to the front of the car. "YOU!"
Gabe looked up from his phone, which he carried in his left hand. "Hey, what's… oh shit, they fucked you two up."
"Shut the hell up!" Trip yelled. "Do you want to do this or what?! Name your price! Go and kick Pine Tree's ass, kick the shit out of all his friends, his sister, his fucking grandfather, I don't care! I want them all spitting out their teeth!"
Gabe hummed and looked at his phone. "Before I do that, I want you to see something, after that, I'll tell you how much."
He gestured to Trip and Van with his phone for them to come over. Sharing hesitant looks, the Vanderhoffs limped over to his sides and he held his phone out for them, to show a video.
"Ten thousand dollars?!" In the video, Dipper shouted in rage and disbelief as he looked at a phone screen held out to his face.
The person holding it was Sasha Waybright. The two of them were outside his Grandfather's home, with Mabel and Shermie also present. It was in the morning–but definitely after she and her friends had paid the Vanderhoffs a visit.
"Yeah, to anyone who can hurt, harass, or humiliate you," she confirmed. "I already talked to them and it's legit, they're just waiting for proof I did something to you, and I get paid."
"I'm going to murder them," Dipper said, shaking in his fury.
Mabel shook her head. "They are not worth it."
"They are worth less than exactly two Dippy Fresh!" Dipper snapped back. "That roided out MMA reject Lars Vanderdud almost took my head off and those motocross jerks would've beaten me and Janna to a pulp! I knew it was them… but ten grand?! They have a freaking bounty out on me?!"
Mabel hummed. "Not even Gideon thought of that." She turned to him. "But you're right that this has got to stop."
"Then we will stop it," Dipper said, "I'm going over there right now and–"
Sasha held up her hands. "Whoa, killer, slow your roll."
Mabel agreed. "Yes, calm down, letting them get to you like this is how they win."
Dipper took several deep breaths. "You're right, you're right… getting mad won't do anything, getting even will." He closed his eyes for a moment, and then had it. "I have an idea: we catch those suckers out thinking that they've won, and then we beat the crap out of them completely."
Shermie rubbed his clean-shaven chin. "You're gonna need more than that, boychik. Just beating them up ain't solving anything by itself."
Misao walked over to the group from the house. Her eyes were dark with anger. "Ja, if you are going to break them, then we must attack more than just their bodies."
The video stopped, and Gabe put away his phone. He looked back and forth between the Vanderhoffs, who silently absorbed the video in shock and anger.
"That bitch," Trip snarled, "She fucking played us!"
Gabe corrected him. "Nah, y'all played yourselves and she was just hustlin' through. You ain't even allowed to get mad at that."
Trip clenched his teeth. "You made your pitch, now what's your price? A hundred? Two hundred?!" He shook his head. "Because I don't care about the money, I just want Dipper Pines to fucking suffer!"
Gabe nodded. "Swag. I'll do it for five bucks."
The Vanderhoffs both stopped and gawked at Gabe in silence.
"Dude, are you for real…?" Van asked.
Gabe let out a pfft. "NO! Five hundred thousand, and it's done."
Van recoiled. "HALF A MILLION DOLLARS?!"
Gabe effortlessly hopped back and landed on the roof of the McLaren, surprising the two even further. "Man, you don't need to worry, because for a half million dollars… you get this."
Taking his wooden sword in hand, he began to twirl it over and over, the fine-finished weapon quickly becoming a blur as he spun it faster and faster. Trip and Van looked at each other, and then at Gabe, while Dudley slowly stepped out of his car. After a long buildup Gabe moved, the sound of metal shearing at high speed as he brought the sword around him to hold it at his left side in both hands.
Trip and Van stepped back, trembling in disbelief as the gate that led to their home, weighing thousands of pounds and made of wrought iron, fell to the ground on pieces, cut by the wooden sword.
Gabe looked at the gate, then at the Vanderhoffs. "You can take fixing the gate out of it. We good?"
Van collapsed, trembling as he looked at the gate, then at the sword, then at Gabe.
Trip's disbelief turned to enthusiastic malice. "Yes, fucking YES! The gate is free! GO FUCK THEM UP AS SOON AS YOU CAN!"
Dudley audibly swallowed, as Gabe pointed the sword at him. "You're not paid enough for what I'll do to you, if you give them any warning that I'm coming."
He was indeed not paid enough. "Of course, Master Gabe," Dudley conceded without protest.
Gabe let out a laugh, then his lips pulled into a cold smirk. "Nah, now that I'm on the clock…"
Bringing the sword to his shoulder, he introduced himself professionally.
"… I'm Wolf."
Welcome to the Senpaiverse, where the real monsters are in the shape of men. With this we reach the end of Volume 5.5 and the monster-free interlude.
