Chapter 2 : Awaited Ruminations


Yukinoshita's cell phone starts buzzing.

It was for a small fraction of a second, but I noticed that even she was surprised her phone was ringing. I can somewhat relate, I guess. Briefly glancing at her phone, she got up and left the clubroom - "Excuse me, Hikigaya-kun."

I nodded quietly and returned my focus on enjoying my sweet beverage. I could hear the murmurs of Yukinoshita talking outside but I perfunctorily tuned it out. While appreciating the weather outside, thinking about my agenda for the day I continued consuming the tea as if nothing outside this realm mattered. It took me a while but I noticed how quiet it is today - Ahh yes, Yuigahama is absent. That's the reason.

The club president returned and placed herself in the same position she was in mere moments ago. She continued reading her book normally. Some strands of her hair fluttered as a gentle breeze made its way into the clubroom. Unconsciously, my eyes fixated themselves on her ribbons. I don't know why, but in the strangest of moments, I find myself in these situations - situations where I lose myself in thoughts relating to these small subtleties, especially in relation to her, that shouldn't normally catch my attention. It's not in my control, it just happens until I realize seconds later and shift my attention elsewhere.

"... You're staring, Hikigaya-kun." - she pointed out with a sideways glance.

"A-ah, I-I'm sorry… I was just thinking about something." I look away timidly.

"..."

Placing my teacup down, I proceeded to take out a light novel that I brought to school today rather clumsily from my bag. I wanted a distraction. I was mildly flustered being caught red-handed and I was able to feel Yukinoshita's gaze on me throughout all this. Courtesy to that, the book I was taking out of my bag slipped from my hands and fell down with a muffled thud. Holding back a curse, I went on to pick it up-

She sighed. Shifting her gaze back to her book, she says discreetly - "... It was my sister, the one who called, she is coming over to my place today… She does that occasionally…"

"A-Ah. I-Is that so? That's nice, I guess." I replied while trying to compose myself.

"...Yeah." She says with an expression of helpless inadvertent pity at the state of my being that implied an under-the-cover acknowledgement of something…

Ah curses, she thinks I was curious about who had called her. I can't say I wasn't but that was not why I was looking at her. It was an honest mistake, really. She resumes reading; it seems she doesn't think much about the situation. But -

"...Just to make it clear, I was not staring at you because I was curious about who had called you."

Feeling the instinctive need to justify my actions, I went on and said something that probably sounded like a cue to something else being implied. I realized it immediately after those words escaped my mouth. My body stiffened slightly. Yukinoshita looks up and directs a gaze that speaks of withheld curiosity - she realized the unintended subtext my words presented and addressed it without hesitation.

"Oh, is that so? Then why exactly, Hikigaya-kun, were you staring at me? Hmm?" Yukinoshita articulated the exact question I was dreading she would ask in a tone that betrayed no one of her anticipation. What will I say now? Can't exactly spell out that I was lost in thoughts about how her ribbons look, can I?

I stopped those thoughts for a moment.

Actually, why can't I just say that to her? This is not something that can possibly upset her in any way, rationally speaking. Then why am I actually holding back from being simply honest? There is no need to make this situation needlessly dramatic in my mind. I don't think she would think much of it if I were to admit the truth. There is no need to think that I dropped a proverbial brick on myself just now.

"I-I think of you as one of my c-cl-closest acquaintances, Y-Yukinoshita. T-the same goes for Yuigahama too."

Remembering the words I said that day, I realized how just being honest with her had felt. It… It felt relieving. Knowing that I can share my thoughts without worrying about its possible consequences with someone is really comforting. If anything I should be glad that I have two other people who would be willing to listen to whatever I say and accept it without judgment.

Yukinoshita is eyeing me patiently, clearly amused at how I was going to reply. Clearing my mind and not allowing myself the chance to have second thoughts about this I replied to her question - "I… I was just thinking about how your ribbons suit your looks, Yukinoshita. "

Immediately after hearing my response, she mildly straightened her back involuntarily. Her eyes slightly widened. The smug expression that had donned her face was replaced with a blank one for a second - while slowly processing my unforeseen words her face slowly but beautifully morphed into one of those almost imperceptible confusion that comes with being caught off-guard. If one looks closely, it would be clearly apparent there were traces of features turning rubescent also. She was not expecting that.

"... huh?" She mumbled. Unconsciously, I presume.

"Yeah…" Not sure how to reply while consciously cutting off the irrelevant thoughts dawning about what I had uttered, I just sat in silence.

The background commotion was not limited by but included students playing around as part of various sports clubs of Sobu from outside the window. For a while, the deceptive serenity of the situation almost made me forget the fact we were having a conversation. Her features haven't changed their initial state much. After what seemed to be a state of perpetuity but was actually just a few seconds, she managed to overcome her obfuscated condition.

"I… Thank you, I guess..?" She uttered, uncertainty clearly apparent.

I just nodded faintly. Not wanting to indulge in the remnants of this conversation that is clearly going nowhere, I shifted my attention completely on the light novel I had. I was able to feel her gaze on me for a good few minutes after but I refused to acknowledge it with hopes of completely moving on from what had transpired. I am sure I will look back on today and have a hundred second thoughts about how I acted, but for now - I am satisfied with my ignorance. Accordingly, Yukinoshita doesn't seem to mind it much, apart from her initial confusion that is. So all's well that ends well.

Yukinoshita… is still staring at me. I'm not able to focus on reading. So this is what it feels like, huh? Is she doing this in the hopes of teaching me a lesson? If so, it's working very well.

But now I have the wonderful chance to don the same poise mimicking her, with a sideway glance, and question her in the same manner she did just moments earlier -

"...Hmm, Yukinoshita?"

She comes out of her stupor. Slowly, a familiar complicated expression is presented before me. Somewhat furrowed brows, erubescent details, lingering confusion and… frustration? Adjusting her hair strands while slightly turning away from me, she sighs to herself.

"My apologies… Let's just say we're even now." She says very silently, returning her gaze to the book she was reading. It felt like she was holding back herself from saying something.

"Ah… yes, okay." I said in similar measure and promptly ended our conversation.


A few days pass by.

Closing the book, I released a long sigh. Now, that was a journey. Journey through the life of this self-proclaimed 'unremarkable' person named Toru. After completing reading through this book that Yukinoshita had recommended, all I'm feeling is this complex mix of emotions - melancholy, hope and weirdly something akin to nostalgia. The prose was wonderful enough that I re-read some parts to fully appreciate it while the plot was fine. It was a good read, overall.

Slowly pulling away from my study desk, I stand up from my chair and stretch myself to undo the knots in many of my joints. It is nearing dinner time and Komachi will call me any moment now to come down. Heaving another huge sigh, I look over at the cover of the book. It's bright red with a white circle in the middle that contained what depicted some trees casting a shadow. The spine had many creases and even while closed the book had bloated up a little, clearly showing its recent use.

I'm pretty sure the hangover from reading this will remain for a good while.

The dinner went by quickly. I was kind of preoccupied with my thoughts throughout the entirety of it. Many thoughts, relevant or not, coursed through the river that is my mind - each quickly forgotten as soon as the next one took its place. Classic state of overthinking; but I was not indulging in any, just flying past them - losing myself in a reverie. Being quite tired for the day, I hit the bed right after dinner. Tried to, at least. Staring at my room ceiling in a pleasant tranquility, all I could think about were the characters in the book I just finished and my two clubmates for reasons only god knows.

With the entrance exams a few months away and increasing course load that comes with being a third year, I know the time we have in the service club is limited. There'll eventually come a time when we'll have our last session soon. The time we spent together will become a fragment of many of our memories. It's a foregone conclusion that we'll part our ways in the near future, but knowing that doesn't reduce the slight melancholic feeling it brings with it. Yukinoshita and Yuigahama…

We never really established what we were. I remember suggesting to Yukinoshita we become friends way back in the beginning and also her swift refusal. Many times, Yuigahama pushed the idea that we were all 'close friends' - verbally even, but it was never really affirmed by either of us. We just went along with it. So does that classify us as 'close friends'? I mean, I have no idea what categorizes a relationship as 'friendship'. What's the boundary between being acquaintances and friends anyway? Does anyone know this? Instinctively, perhaps - qualitatively but not quantitatively, if that makes any sense. This comes with experience which I did not have prior to meeting these two. Thus, I am thoroughly lost on how to define what it is that we have with each other, other than being mere clubmates.

This raises an important question being - is it even required for me to 'categorize' what our relationship is like? What is the significance of doing so when it doesn't have any effect on how we treat each other. So I'm just wasting my brain juice thinking about all this instead of calling it a day…

I release a huge sigh…

Yeah, I should just sleep.


It was raining almost the entire day today. It started as soon as I reached the school, while I was locking away my bicycle. Today's classes, due to the gravel-gray atmosphere that softened all the boundaries of everything in the world, at least in our classroom, had instilled a dampening effect on the general mood of the students. It was tangible, the wetness of the surroundings, that was responsible for it. While having my lunch, I was seated on the fourth floor stairs of the left wing of the school's main building, where only a few students walk around. It was empty and quiet, just as I would have liked it to be. A huge window overlooked the small segue section between two opposite staircases; which had a tree on the other side of it. I enjoyed my lunch today, being seated in such a place.

Reminiscing a memory that happened only a few hours ago, I blew on the steaming cup of tea - which warmed up my eyes for a fraction of a second. Consuming cautiously, with slow measured sips while closing my eyes for good measure, I was way into the experience than I normally would be. A gentle strumming of ploppy raindrops against the window had taken over the silence of the club. Yuigahama is held back in our class by our teacher as she had performed 'not so well' in the recent class quiz. I managed to score a mediocre score of which I am neither happy nor sad about. But I am indeed glad I wasn't held back. You have my sympathies, Yuigahama…

Yukinoshita came in quite late today, which is quite rare. Something regarding some project with her fellow classmates had her occupied. Being greeted by a closed clubroom, I texted her to inquire whether the club for today had been canceled - planning to go to the library if so. Her reply made me walk towards Hiratsuka's office and personally collect the keys. I gladly indulged myself in the light novel I had with me alone until she came by - which was just half an hour before closing time. She apologized for being late in her usual manner and went on to make tea knowing very well that we would be here even after the said 'closing time'. We had no clients today, by the way. I mean, I knew the chances of a client visiting on a rainy day like this might be slim, but I would have had to wait out the rain anyways so no harm done.

Finishing my cup of tea, I now poured all my attention to reading my light novel. I did not allow myself to go on tangents regarding her ribbons, her hair strands or anything of sorts. You see, the 'hangover' I had yesterday spewed forth a bundle of highly self-conscious thoughts, especially about the service club, into the working bench of my mind that has, in turn, made me self-conscious of Yukinoshita. Ah, the wonderful ways of my mind and its consequences in full action…

But as much as I tried to, it's not possible to completely ignore the only other person in the room. She had busied herself, as usual, in a novel and was completely into it. Except the murmuring of white noise created by the downpour along with the weaving of trees with the wind, a gentle whispering in the air that did not escape your ears even if you tried to; all that was happening in the clubroom was two people occasionally turning a page of the books they were reading respectively.

This continued for several minutes until I decided to talk to her about Murakami's book after much deliberation. I mean, I can't say I wasn't looking forward to talking about it with her-

"Hey, Yukinoshita…" I verbally beckoned her.


Writer's Notes :

An early update. Not something that might happen every time. Anyways, enjoy and make sure to leave some reviews.