It was simultaneously dark and light, one bright window of light sitting in front of him while the rest of him was surrounded in darkness. The only sound he heard was the familiar clicking of his keyboard as his fingers continued to argue against the doubters, the nay-sayers, the unbelievers online.
They all thought he was a fool or a liar or both. A child chasing rumors of something that never, ever existed. And without any proof, all he could do is argue and fight.
It was all he felt like doing for the past week. Fight. Fight. Fight. FIGHT.
He felt angry, poisoned by hatred. He just wanted to shut the world out and remain in darkness. Only here, in his sanctum, would he be safe.
Only here, he wouldn't deal with betrayal.
He switched browsers, going to one where he was logged into another account, where he parroted his own points and agreed with himself, creating someone who would be his friend, someone who would really trust him and believe in him.
Not like Horace who abandoned him in the dark, and the rain.
He didn't need real friends. A real friend would only betray him, only leave him.
"Goh…"
Her voice came to him, and he felt like he was being torn in two. He felt his heart leap into his throat, and he desperately wanted to turn around. But the hatred that had been building within him shackled him to this desk, his eyes glued to the computer that stood in front of him.
He opened his mouth, but said nothing.
"Goh, you haven't come to school at all this week," Chloe said. "I brought over all your homework, and I thought we could work on it together if you'd like."
"Why, so you can just betray me, too?!"
He stood up from the chair and turned toward her. Surprise colored her face, lit up by the computer monitors that stood behind him. "G-Goh, what are you talking about?"
"Why did you ever bother coming over here? Because you felt bad for me?"
"I came here because I was worried about you!" she shouted back.
"That's just your emotions talking! I can take care of myself."
"But, Goh-"
"I don't need you around me constantly trying to protect me! Stop feeling sorry for me!"
Chloe found her footing in the conversation and glared at him back sharply, her eyes becoming cold and sharp. "Goh, what's gotten into you?! I'm your friend! I'm trying to help you!"
"Who said I ever wanted your help! You're going to just set me up and abandon me, just like-"
"Just like?"
"Just like-!"
With a sudden thwack, the dream he was having vanished like a bubble popped by Grookey's Branch Poke.
Goh sat up in a daze, turning over to look at Grookey as the chimp sat on the bed next to him with his stick at the ready, prepared to strike Goh again should whatever was happening continue.
Goh put his hand to his forehead, where Grookey hit him. It was dead center above and between his eyes. That spot Chloe would flick when he was being unreasonable.
"Chloe…"
Her name came from his lips unbidden.
The nightmare he was just having wasn't a conversation Goh had ever really had with Chloe. He was always too timid to confront her, and even in his bleakest moments, he never really hated her. If anything, he used her more than he ever did, having her ferry excuses or homework to school in his stead. Even as she became disinterested in Pokémon, she always seemed to be available to help him or talk to him. Even as they would bicker and snipe at each other, there was always an element of light and kindness to how Chloe treated him.
She cared about him. Chloe Cerise was that one person who believed in him, who helped alleviate the loneliness he felt before he became a Pokémon Trainer and met Ash, Cinderace, Inteleon, and the others.
When his life was profoundly lonely, and when he felt like he couldn't turn to anyone else, she came to him and accepted him, warts and all. She would be his friend on his terms, and not force him into things, just like she didn't want to be forced into things himself.
Even after a nightmare where he shouted at her, his true feelings burned even hotter in the daylight, and there was a yearning in his chest to tell her how he felt about her, but this wasn't the time to confess that he loved her. Not with everything else going on.
It was a moment of clarity that could only come after such a vivid dream with such intense emotions, and so he turned over on his bed to take a look at what the waking world could offer.
He could still hear Ash snoring away at the bunk above him, having claimed the top bunk for himself the night before. Looking over across the room, he saw Horace sitting up, scrolling through his phone sitting in the other bottom bunk.
"Horace…?"
He looked over. "You alright?" he asked. "You looked like you were having a nightmare."
"I was," he said, quietly, not wanting to wake Ash. He sat up and took Grookey into his lap. "It was a nightmare about… seven years ago."
"Seven years ago…?" Horace repeated before his eyes widened, connecting the pieces himself. "Goh, I'm so sorry-"
"You don't have to apologize," he said, waving his friend's worry off. "I know it's not your fault you got sick. Besides, we've already been over everything that happened, right? There's no reason to beat yourself up."
Horace sighed, but nodded along. "Yeah, I guess you're right. We can't time travel like Celebi can, after all. But…" He frowned. "...was there a reason you had it on your mind?"
It was Goh's turn to sigh. "Well… remember when we met up before, and I told you how I acted? The person who ended up bearing the brunt of that was Chloe…"
He had explained to Horace how his life had gone when they reunited in Ilex Forest a few months back, just as Horace had explained what he had been up to since the day they spent together in Azalea Town. Goh had a lot to cover, so it was he who ended up speaking most of the time that day, explaining how he had become a Pokémon Trainer and a research fellow in Vermilion City, and how he was back out there with his parents again.
Horace told him about how he got his Chikorita, and how they were journeying to try to meet Celebi. This was a time, Goh reminded himself, before either of them had heard the name 'Project Mew'.
"Is that why you said her name just now?" Horace asked. "Because you were feeling guilty about how you acted back then?
Horace's question was innocent, but it made Goh's face burn like Cinderace had just given him a Blaze Kick. Even when thinking about how he acted and thought in the past, the feelings that he carried now in his heart were inseparable.
But for now, he was going to keep them secret. He couldn't risk giving voice to how he felt. It was like trying to keep a slippery Pokémon from slipping away; one false move and it was over.
Instead, he stuck to the more comfortable facts.
"Yeah. I guess that close encounter you two had last night stuck with me," he said, chuckling. "And… since I never told her what happened in Azalea Town seven years ago, she'd never heard of you. Sorry about that."
Horace nodded. "That's true, but I remember you mentioning her. She was the one who took you to Professor Oak's summer camp, right? The one time you saw Mew?"
That fateful day passed through his mind's eye like a faint dream, though it was a reality that he once held in the palm of his hand. "Yeah," Goh said. "She's been my friend for a really long time, so… I'm worried that if she figures out that I had kept this from her for all this time, she'll get mad at you. Or me."
"I guess you can't just decide to try and explain everything to her now, can you?" he asked.
Goh shook his head. He didn't want to admit his fear that it would push Chloe away, so he focused on keeping his focus on the consequences he was comfortable explaining. "You've never seen Chloe when she's really mad. She's completely fearless, and I don't think even Celebi could undo what she'd do if she got really angry. She can be really scary…"
The blonde boy laughed. "I'll keep that in mind, but she seems really nice, even if you two like to pick on each other."
Having it be pointed out like that made Goh turn away. It felt far too close to how he truly felt, and if Horace knew, then there would be even more possibility it got out to Chloe, and he wasn't ready for her to know. "We're-We're only friends, Horace."
Horace laughed. "Well, seeing you turn so shy, I wonder if that's really true. Are you keeping a secret from me, too?"
Goh grumbled at Horace's cheeky words. "C'mon, quiet, okay? It's nothing, I swear."
The discussion was halted by a rapid knocking at the door, and a voice calling from the other side.
"Goh? Ash? Horace? You guys are going to miss breakfast if you don't get up soon."
Chloe's voice was easy to make out, and Goh felt his face heat up again.
As soon as the word 'breakfast' was uttered, though, Ash seemed to snap up like he had just been doused with water. "Breakfast? I'm awake! I'm awake!" He immediately fell out of the top bunk and onto the ground, groaning in pain. "I'm awake…"
Goh exhaled, finally letting the tension slip out of him. "We're coming, Chloe," he shouted. "Make sure to hold a good spot for us, okay?"
"Fine, but if there's nothing left, I'm not waiting for you guys."
The three boys heard her footsteps travel down the hall, accompanied by the staccato pitterpat of Eevee's paws.
"Well, I guess we better get to it," Goh said.
Another day had begun, and with it, their plan to gather information on Kurt.
After an oddly quiet breakfast (it was again mostly Ash and Horace chit chatting, though about the Johto region this time), the four teens hashed out their plan and began setting it into motion.
Hiding behind a set of hedges alongside the road were Goh, Ash, and Horace (this time with Bayleef put back inside his ball; even Grookey and Pikachu had to be held in their trainer's laps to remain hidden), and standing nearby alongside the road were Chloe, Eevee, and Argent. The stern silver Eevee stood at Chloe's feet almost like a soldier ready to present his weapon, and while Chloe's Eevee attempted to copy this sternness, Goh knew the look on her face was probably as vacant and lost as ever.
The place they decided to stake out was between Kurt's home and the rest of Azalea Town proper, and so if Maizie had to run an errand for her grandfather (like it seemed like she usually did), this would be an excellent place to catch her and attempt to drive idle chatter into useful information.
At least, that's what the plan was. How well Chloe would do or how cooperative Maizie would be were factors that the boys couldn't fully take into account. But in Goh's heart, he knew he believed in Chloe and had full faith that she'd succeed.
All that remained was the waiting.
"Vui, Eievui!'
"Bui."
It didn't seem to be going well so far.
"Come on, Eevee, don't paw at Argent like that," Chloe chastised her Pokémon. "He's trying very hard to be cool and confident. You wouldn't want to break the illusion would you?"
"Eiebu!" came the protest, as though he was saying that he was always cool and confident.
"Eievu!" Eevee's copying was just as predictable.
"Eiebui eibui!"
"Eievui vuivui!"
Goh could feel the sweat bead on his forehead as the two Eevee began to bicker. Was this going out of control already? He already felt like he needed to stand up and intervene, but having more people there might make Maizie feel like she was being pressed for information, and they couldn't force her to tell them anything.
'Come on, Argent and Eevee! Just calm down!'
He thought the words with as much strength as he could.
"Brrr… Eiebui…"
Argent quieted down, and the flopping sound his body made told Goh that he had tucked his short legs underneath himself and was now lying down at Chloe's feet.
"Vuuu… vui?" Eevee was clearly watching Argent and attempting to mimic him as usual. "Vui-!"
A thud told Goh that Eevee had tripped herself somehow while trying to mimic Argent.
Chloe sighed. "Come on, you two… Get along, okay?"
Goh turned, almost standing up from his hiding spot to give Chloe support when another voice joined the conversation.
"Are you having trouble with your Eevee, Chloe?"
The voice belonged to Maizie, Kurt's granddaughter, so Goh crouched back down, peeking over the hedge at the two girls. Standing shyly behind Maizie was her Teddiursa, looking curiously at Eevee and Argent while licking her paws.
He saw Chloe glance backwards at him, no longer than a moment, before she started playing her role.
"It's just that Eevee is really excited and always happy to try doing a lot of things," she said. "Meanwhile, Argent is a stick in the mud, no fun allowed sort of Pokémon. They're like oil and water, you know."
"Bui," he said, resentful of being compared to oil.
"Vui," Eevee copied him, facing the opposite direction.
"That can be a problem," Maizie said, nodding. "Argent belongs to that cool, confident guy, Goh, right?"
Goh felt himself swell with pride for only a few seconds before Chloe responded.
"If by 'cool and confident' you mean 'embarrassing and arrogant', then yes, Goh is Argent's trainer."
He stifled the groan that was forming in his throat, lest he give away his position.
"I dunno, I thought he was kinda cute," Maizie said. "Like with how Ash and that other guy were, he could have been the leader of their boy band!"
Horace put his hands over his mouth to try to keep from laughing. Meanwhile, glancing at Ash, Goh saw that he and Pikachu had fallen asleep.
He felt like he was screaming internally. This was not going well at all.
"I don't think you know the kind of guy he is," Chloe said. "We grew up together, so I know exactly how often he gets his head lost in the clouds, looking for Pokémon to catch. Pokémon are basically all he ever thinks about, and meanwhile, I only have Eevee here. Goh definitely isn't the sort of guy who can look cool for more than a few seconds."
"Vui," she added, sitting by Chloe's feet.
"But your Eevee's really cute! I only have Teddiursa, but that's who I'm going to be using to help with my goal!"
"Teddiursa!"
The little bear cheered with Maizie, smiling.
"Your goal?" Chloe asked. "Do you have some big dream you want to accomplish, Maizie?"
She nodded. "I'm going to do what I can to follow in my grandpa's footsteps! When he was my age, he went on a Pokémon journey to learn all he could about crafting Poké Balls, and when he was finished, he came home and started his workshop!"
"So you want to grow up to become a Poké Ball craftsperson yourself?" Chloe asked.
"It's called being a 'Poké Ball smith'!" Maizie declared. "And I want to be the greatest smith, just like my grandpa!"
"That sounds really cool, Maizie," Chloe said. "Good luck with your dream!"
"Thanks, Chloe," she replied. "But for now, I'm going to be working for and living with my grandpa while I learn as much as I can from him. There'll be time for journeying and adventure and romance later in life when I'm a bit older."
Chloe laughed nervously. "Well, yeah, maybe focus more on the dream part first." She paused. "So your grandfather went on his own training journey when he was younger?"
"Oh, yeah! He went on his own journey with Pokémon to hone his skills! He even likes to brag that he met Professor Oak before he became world famous! He loves talking about all the adventures and time he spent traveling!"
Maizie paused, and even from the bushes, Goh could see something in the girl wavering.
She continued.
"...only, by the time he starts talking about coming home, he seems really sad about something."
"Really sad about something?" Chloe asked.
"Well, he went on a journey to make some sort of legendary Poké Ball, but something happened, and he never finishes the story. It seems like he almost forgets how things ended up while he's telling it, and then he just sort of shuts down."
Goh almost felt his ears tingle. This was the sort of lead they needed.
"He shuts down…?" Chloe asked, blinking. "Did he say anything about finishing this ultimate Poké Ball?"
She shook her head. "No. I guess whatever he wanted to make, he couldn't find it, or he failed to make it, so he gave up… He always gets really upset when I try to ask about it, so I've been trying not to say anything about it."
To Goh, this story reminded him of Chad's story about his grandfather back in Ecruteak City in the earliest days of his own life as a Pokémon Trainer.
Chloe, however, had other thoughts. "Was it like how he rushed me and my friends out of the house yesterday?" she asked.
"Yeah, exactly like that," Maizie said. "He would rush me out of the room and send me to do… well, this." She took off her backpack and opened it, showing Chloe the contents.
"That's a lot of little packages," Chloe said loudly enough for Goh and the others to hear, clearly for their benefit.
"I always get sent on errands. Delivering things to the post office, going to gather more apricorns, stuff like that. Sometimes I wish he'd just share whatever the secret is with me."
Chloe nodded. "I'm sorry to hear that, Maizie."
The younger girl looked up at her. "Chloe, do you have a dream? Something you really want to do more than anything?"
Goh felt his breath catch in his chest. He knew the answer, of course, but he knew Chloe would always answer it in her own way.
"I'm not sure what it is I want to do yet," she replied. "It's a big world with lots of possibilities, but for right now, my only goal is to help out Eevee."
"Eievui?"
"Help Eevee? With what?"
Chloe crouched down to pet her Eevee. "Eevee here isn't sure what she wants to do or who she wants to become, so I'm doing my best to help her become who she wants to be. I want Eevee to make her own choices for the future and decide who she wants to be.
"Eievui," she said, in response to Chloe's words and gentle petting.
"So you're leaving it up to her?" she asked. "If I had an Eevee, I'd probably be planning on evolving them into something that would help my own dream, like a Flareon to stoke the forge or a Leafeon to help gather Apricorns."
"Well, I've had people tell me I should be like my dad my entire life," Chloe said. "And having people just tell you who you should be or what you should do isn't very fun. I don't want Eevee to feel awful like I have."
"What's your dad do?" Maizie asked.
"He's a Pokémon professor in Vermilion City," she said. "So we've always had Pokémon around and he's always been involved with Pokémon. People everywhere know him and his research, and so everyone just assumed that I would be just like him."
Maizie frowned. "I guess I could see it, but I really want to be more like my grandpa. The Poké Balls he makes are practically works of art in their own right, and they can be used by trainers to catch Pokémon. Why wouldn't I want to carry on his legacy?"
"It's great that that's what you want to do, but being like my dad isn't what I want to do," Chloe said, talking down to her like she was no older than Parker. "And having the ability to choose what I want to do is something I don't want to take for granted either, especially with how just about everyone kept telling me I had to be a professor."
Of course, Goh knew better than just about anyone how often Chloe would be, actively or passively, shoved towards emulating her father. Whether it be people like Yeardley and Belf actively calling her a Pokémon professor, or by her teachers making comments about how she could be the second genius Cerise, Chloe constantly had to operate under the expectations of others, to do what they thought she ought to and not being allowed to choose her own path.
That she wanted that for Eevee spoke deeply to the kindness and compassion Chloe held within her.
He wondered, for a moment, if all this pressure was why she had drifted away from Pokémon, as though the expectations of the world had crushed the good out of something she once loved, and he felt his heart breaking for her, even as she was petting her Eevee and had found her way back to Pokémon again.
"So this one belongs to Goh, then," Maizie said, crouching before Argent. Even if Goh couldn't see his Pokémon well from his current position, he knew Argent was likely sticking out his chest and holding his head high in pride. "Look at him! He's like a little nobleman! He's so cute!"
"You think so?" Chloe asked. "Honestly, Argent doesn't like to play with the other Pokémon very much. He's honestly a bit arrogant and tries to act cool all the time." A giggle escaped her lips. "I guess that makes him the perfect Pokémon for Goh, then."
"Bui?!" Argent yelped as though he had been hit, turning to Chloe with a shocked look on his face that Goh felt his own face mirroring.
'I feel you, buddy,' he thought, all his past empathy quickly retreating from her cold facade.
"Oh don't give me that," Chloe said, tapping Argent on the nose. "You and Goh are just similar, that's all."
The silver Eevee grumbled, tucking his legs beneath his body and lying down, only to turn his head and see Chloe's Eevee mimicking his body language and even his facial expression, though the way she held her face into a scowl was lopsided and silly-looking.
"Eiebui…" he grumbled at her air-headed silliness.
"Eievui…" she replied, trying to mimic his stoic attitude.
Chloe giggled at them. "Maybe they'll be able to get along better than I thought. Even if he's a bit un-cool, Argent at least tries."
"Eievui!" She agreed with her trainer's assessment.
"Bubui…"
Argent, on the other hand, was less thrilled.
"Those two are pretty cute together," Maizie said. "Almost like a couple…"
Goh saw Maizie's eyes light up, as though she had discovered a brand new Pokemon, though based on her words, he could see her 'discovery' quite clearly.
He formed the word 'no' with his lips breathlessly.
But Maizie would not be deterred by Goh's mere wish to not be embarrassed.
"Say, do you like Goh? Do you think he's cool?"
Goh felt like he was going to faint right there. He was glad Chloe was facing towards Maizie and not looking at him. He might very well actually faint if she saw the look on his face.
"G-Goh is… he's…"
Chloe, for her part, didn't seem to have many words at first.
"He's not cool at all. He tries to act cool, but he's usually just got Pokemon on the brain! He forgets your birthday and bails on you at the last minute and even when he's a little cool, he'll do something like try to leave you behind or trade you for a map!"
Each claim Goh knew was true, but they all felt especially like gut punches.
"Eiebui!" Argent retorted. "Bui eiebui bui."
"And you're biased," Chloe said to Argent. "Of course you don't see his worst sides!"
Maisie began to giggle before it rumbled over into laughter. "For someone who has a lot of negative things to say about Goh, you sure do know a lot about him."
"W-Well, like I said, we grew up together…"
"And! And you never said he wasn't cute earlier!"
Goh couldn't bear to look.
"He's… okay he's a little cute, okay? He's not bad looking. Now don't you have errands to run?"
Chloe sounded just as embarrassed, but Goh couldn't tell if that was because she found the idea foolish, or because Maizie was getting close to a truth Chloe wasn't ready to admit.
It reminded him of his response to Horace just that morning. His heart skipped at the possibility.
Could Chloe feel the same about him?
"You're right," Maizie said, giggling. "I better get going! And if Goh asks about me, tell him I said 'hi', okay?"
Giggling and grabbing her Teddiursa's attention, she began walking down the path further into Azalea Town.
Everyone stood still as she walked away, waiting until she was out of earshot before the boys would stand (after Goh had Grookey poke Ash and wake him up). For his part, Goh kept his gaze off of Chloe and said nothing. Chloe, as well, kept her eyes away from Goh.
Ash and Pikachu yawned in concert. "So uh, did you guys learn anything?"
"I learned that some people will make the wildest accusations," Chloe quipped.
Goh snorted. "Same here. Some people will just say anything."
Horace stifled his own laughter. "Okay, but we did learn something important," he said. "Maizie said that Kurt worked on a legendary Poke Ball once before, but he stopped working on it for whatever reason."
The pieces began connecting in Goh's mind now that his thoughts weren't plagued by Maizie pressing Chloe about any feelings that she may or may not have for him. "A legendary Poke Ball. Like the one that's talked about in this scroll?"
"I bet it's one and the same," Horace said. "And I'm also guessing that for whatever reason, he might have failed to make it."
Chloe frowned, finally entering the conversation. "If I were a master smith, being unable to make a legendary ball would definitely be a sore spot for me."
"Then we just need to press him," Goh said. "If he did try to make this Poke Ball, maybe he can tell us where he heard about it, and point us in the next direction."
Ash pumped his fist. 'Then what're we waitin' for? Let's get goin' to see Kurt!"
"Pikapika!" Pikachu added, just as excitedly.
Goh nodded and began walking in the direction of Kurt's home. With this information in hand, he would be ready for round two. As he did, Argent picked up his own pace and began walking sternly in front of Goh, as though he too was on a mission. The silver Eevee's tail wagged slowly from side to side as he walked. It wasn't long until Argent was joined by Chloe's Eevee, again looking to Argent to find someone to be the target of her mimicry. And while Goh might have laughed it off, he could feel Argent's irritation rising up at having Eevee insist on being so close to him.
For a moment, it reminded Goh of how he used to be, insisting that he didn't need to make any friends, contrasted with Chloe's constant presence and their continuing friendship.
He remembered the nightmare he had earlier, and glanced up at Chloe, whom he caught staring at him, only for her to quickly look away, as though she had been caught.
Goh thought again of Chloe's embarrassed denial to Maizie, and the tiny spark of hope it created in him. He had been nursing his feelings for Chloe for what felt like months at this point. Was there a chance that Chloe was finally seeing him in the same light that he saw her?
Chloe made a face like she had just bit into a lemon. "Goh, why are you staring at me?" she asked, and Goh realized he was staring himself now.
"Bui!" Argent barked, as though to say 'keep your eyes on the road'.
But Goh had a brief moment, and so he thought he might as well at least humor the thought he was having.
"I was just thinking about the talk you were having with Maizie," he said.
"And I was thinking we already settled that," Chloe said, turning away from him as they walked down the dirt road. "She's just a cheeky kid who has no idea what you're actually like."
Goh decided to press her buttons a bit, in that way that always felt thrilling to him to irritate her.
"Well, she did say I was cool and handsome, right?" he said, puffing out his chest as he did. "Sounds to me like she's got the right idea!"
"Sounds to me like you need to open up your ears," Chloe groaned. "She said you were cool and cute, like Argent is."
Goh flashed his confident grin. "And you agreed, right?"
Chloe's entire face turned red. "What is this, Twenty Questions?! Why are you being so nosey…?!"
"I just wanted to hear you admit it, is all," Goh said with a shrug.
"I admit nothing," Chloe spat. "I was only saying what I had to so that Maizie would give us the information we needed without being the wiser. I didn't mean any of it." With a snort, she crossed her arms as though to close off the conversation.
At that, Goh just frowned and turned his eyes forward once again. It felt like that tiny, hopeful flame that maybe Chloe and he were on the same page was snuffed out once again. The comfortable bickering had once again turned sour as he jammed his hands into his pockets.
Grookey cooed uncomfortably, hanging off of Goh's shoulder and for a moment, Goh felt envious of the mischievous chimp's innocence. Grookey could laugh and play with the other Pokémon and wouldn't have to worry about his feelings for one of his friends becoming distressing and complicated.
The general air of discomfort hung over the entire group, but Goh wasn't even sure what he could say to ease the tension. It felt like there was a gap between himself and Chloe that he couldn't find the words to bridge. Was she really that upset with him? Was even that small bit of hope he felt just because of the mission rather than anything on her part? He wanted to question her about it so badly, but he couldn't figure out exactly what to say.
But to ask how Chloe felt about him would require him to admit his own secret about how he felt about her, and that wasn't a bridge Goh was ready to cross quite yet, even as the four teens and their Pokémon crossed the wooden bridge in the middle of Azalea Town and approached the large wooden doors that lead into Kurt's manor once more, and so he kept his thoughts to himself.
