Chapter 3: MY FUCKING LAWN!?

The sounds of explosives ring on my walls as I bash and bash every Bloodletter and Space Marine that walks through my door while my Titan blast Plasma through the very narrow hole between the door and frame. From the windows, my minis were holding back a tide of red as ladders and bridges were shot at my windows like something out of For Honor.

They continued to siege my home as I wish I had a gun right now. I wonder how my minis are doing?

With the Space Marines and Sisters of battle...

Bolter fire met bolter fire as the right side of the house was a nasty brawl between Space Marines vs Space Marines and Sisters of Battle. Centurion suits provided as much firepower as they can with Grav-cannons and Hurricane Bolters firing while holy flamers and maces burned any who dare to get close. The Captain used 2 Plasma guns akimbo style while throwing Krak grenades with his other pair of hands. Beside him was the Canoness revving an Eviscerator and bringing it down on a World Eater.

"CANNONESS! NEVER HAVE I EVER THOUGHT WE WOULD FIGHT TOGETHER LIKE THIS! IT'S REALLY FUNNY IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT!" The Captain yelled, his very loud voice easily heard by the Canoness. She is relieved that they were in a battle, otherwise, she would need a Hospitaller tending to her ears. She only rolls her eyes and kicks a World Eater out of the window. She is glad that the window was not a few inches off the ground (an inch for us would be a meter to them) or it would have been really awkward to fight off the enemy. The Rhinos supported them by having thrice blessed Heavy Bolters, causing more damage to abhorrent Psykers or in this case, Daemons. The Rhino also plays hymns to bolster the Sisters.

More and more bodies were cut down

The Imperial Guard...

All the way on the left side of the house was the Imperial Guard, trying desperately to stop a horde of cultists from barging in. The cultists made the big mistake of taking a window with a kitchen sink underneath it. Lasgun fire was supplemented by rockets from hover Valkaryies as bits and pieces of cultist flesh here and there. The Venators roam around the house to catch any unsuspecting flanker. The Cultist horde was thinned down to half its number before a sudden barrage of artillery rounds pretty much destroyed the area. The Guardsmen barely held on before a group of Maulerfiends began to attack the disorganized Guard, Lasguns being useless against it.

Dave saw them and yelled to them "Withdraw!" But the Guard still held on, even with their grievous casualties. He wanted to close the door but that would incentive them to break through the door, making it easier for their rage-indulged brains to comprehend.

Dave's dog proceeded to duel a Maulerfiend, which was smaller than the corgi. The battle was over soon as Charlie just holds the Maulerfiend and shake really hard. It tore apart the metallic beast so easily that everyone stopped for a moment to comprehend it. Then continued when Dave shouted "Good boy!"

Warhound-Titans shot at the door hinges and the door fell. Dave quick-wittedly kicked it forward which crushed at least 2 Warhound-Titans along with hundreds of World Eaters. They poured into the gap, unable to be stopped. Dave's heart fell, was his story to end so quickly? After like, 1 and a half chapters?

No, it would not be. Music played from across the street as a warhorn sounded. Dave looked through where his door once was and went in awe. His reinforcement came from the Emperor's friend, Lord Hospitaller.

The army that came to relieve him was filled with soldiers and war machines from the Hours Heresy. Hundreds of Matsadon in Iron Hands livery rolled and crushed over their enemies as Fire Raptors bearing the White Scars emblem rained death from the skies. Within their ranks were Knights of all classes breakthrough the horde. This was no longer a fight for survival, now it was a glorious slaughter.

Leading these reinforcements was the Lord Hospitaller himself, wearing beach shorts and firing a double-barreled shotgun yelling "I don't give shits anymore!" as he cleaved through many models. By the end of this brutal battle, there were thousands of dead models lying in front of my house, which may need a paint job.

John later helped me clean my front lawn with his Warp powers, he told me that his powers prevent the rest of the neighbourhood from hearing and seeing the battle. Good, don't want the cops here. He could only give his aid only when the Chaos gods are distracted by something, usually, the Emperor's doing. In this case, the Emperor was fighting Tzeench in Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth-Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker, while Isha was using a super-soaker filled with soap to chase Nurgle. This left only Khorne which he could distract. Slaanesh was out buying drugs.

He nods to me as his army enters the sewers, much nastier beasts lived in there. I can only think of two species, Orks or Tyranids. I mean it can't be bo- "It both." he interjected my thoughts with his unfortunate truth. FUCK.


Well, that was a shitshow, at least it's done now. My army was surprisingly unscathed but they needed medical supplies in the form of glue. Some of them were missing heads as headless models began to search for their heads. After half an hour of repair and care, I noticed that there was a pile of Maulerfiend parts about to be torched by the Sisters of Battle, I stopped them. I managed to scavenge enough of the pieces to make one whole Maluerfiend and then painted it in Imperial markings and colours. It awakens confused and enraged, running around the house before it calmed down at my feet. I lifted it like Simba from Lion King.

"Who wants an Imperial Maulerfiend?" Let's see how open-minded my guys are, with exceptions for the Renegade Space Marines of course.

There were lots of arguing, mostly shouts of "Heresy!" and "What is wrong with you!?" Protector metallic laughed in the background along with the ex-Emperor's Children. There was some hope, a few of the Guardsmen raised their hands. But what really caught me by surprise was the Canoness, who reigned in her Sisters who were about to shoot me, and said in the loudest voice out of all of them: "I CALL DIBS!"

I am shocked to say the least that out of all of them, it was the fucking Canoness that knew about dibs. Anyway, I gave Maulerfiend to her and she proceeds to grab the beast by the collar and stare at him to assert dominance, needless to say, the Maulerfiend lay down and whimpered. This is one scary Bolter Bitch. The laughter from the back grew louder at the event. Everyone else blankly stared at her, before cowing under her stern gaze.

After that extra shitshow, we returned back to the Rouge Trader thing, continuing my plan to go to Necromunda.


On my ship my character was having tea while sitting on the bridge, waiting for Sofia to arrive with that shotgun. The crew manning the bridge were a mix of servitors and naval Armsmen, the latter of whom was causing tension with the Imperial Guard. This has been since I joined, which was interesting, to say the least.

I found a data section and discovered my avatar is honestly a fresh Rouge Trader, the first of my house. Captain Dave Delver's origins are shrouded in mystery as a Rouge Trader starting out with a powerful army at his back is quite frankly suspicious and is treated as an outsider by most of the crew. In fact, the crew still dislike me after a whole year of weapons supply runs for Fortress and Frontier worlds. I took over this ship from the previous Captain 10 years ago by wining a deadly dual, yikes.

But that wasn't the main problem, my top priority at the moment was expanding my income pool as well as some more experience as a Rouge Trader. Necromunda seemed like a risky but lucrative choice. By the time Sofia gets me my shotgun, I will hopefully have plans to do something.

Speaking of which, she just arrived. She looked worse for wear as it appears she had to wear a jetpack to reach here. She told me that the Arvus Lighter she took had a bit of a speed freak of a Machine spirit and proceeded to do acrobatics on the way up, causing her to vomit repeatedly. I sent her to the clinical facilities post haste.

The Navigator then came to me with a serious face. It seems the previous Captain of this ship had him on a contract which will expire in 5 real-space months. I need to make my time on Necromunda quick.

I set forth to Necromunda, finally, and dared to change this damm Imperium for the better of Mankind.

After one Warp jump...

I needed a small team of loyal bodyguards to traverse the Underhive and its nasty gang wars safely. Of course, bringing the Space Marines would be obviously a bit much while taking a detachment of Imperial Guard would just draw unavoidable attention from the Palatine Enforcers here. Then there were the Adepta Sororitas, not a bad choice considering not many would think the devout daughters of the Emperor would have ulterior motives. But then again I could just go alone, no that's just a stupid idea.

I settled with bringing the Canoness and one of the Captains of the Bronze Bears, Issac Prensky. The Canoness brought her massive Chainsword along with her Sororitas Bolter while Captain Prensky was armed with a Flamer and Power Blade. I armed myself with the neat little shotgun, making sure to equip it without any Tech-Preist seeing me.

While heading towards the planet we were hailed on the Vox to land at a House Helmawr's landing pad, the House of the Overlord of Hive Necromunda, shit. in an instant, I was given a quest pop up

New Quest [Meet the Overlord]

Rewards: Access to the Underhive

Optional Quest: UNKNOWN

Optional Reward: UNKNOWN

Well, that's, concerning.

I try and come up with something on the fly as the Servitor-pilot automatically heads to the landing pad. My companions look to me in worry, what the hell does the Overlord of Necromunda want with us?

We landed, the Arvus Lighter's doors opened and there to greet us were 10 armed men. They all look more like the professional Royal Guard of Noble House. Armed with Lasguns and what appears to be Power Sabers they escorted my group to the headman himself, Gerontius Helmawr. If my lore serves me right he might be a little miffed that I am here on the planet and not restricted to doing trade in the single Spaceport, because of monopoly.

I sat across a man who could only be described to have a baby face. Seriously, it looks almost like a baby's head with thick eyebrows. Anyway, he asked me why I am here instead of at the spaceport to trade. I replied truthfully that I wanted to explore the Underhive.

He laughs like a maniac, "Go ahead, as long as it doesn't involve the Noble Houses. Hehe!" I could not tell why he laughed but at least we can go down.

Theodora mentions that he seemed genuinely amused on the way out. She believes that Lord Helmawr thinks we're going to die down there. I take into notice, it means that the Underhive is a dangerous place but not so that it threatens Helmawr. I need to plan accordingly.

Quest compleated...

Optional Quest not completed...

An ally eludes you, for now...

I'm sorry, an ally? I look around in this large cathedral-like building, I just noticed the number of balconies they have here.


Way down deep in the Underhive...

The Palatine Enforcers in sector 5454 have seen an increased amount of Hive gang wars, none of them aimed at their precinct. Alarmingly, however, are the reports of sudden psychic activity in all sectors as of late. More so worryingly are the many sons of the Noble Houses coming down and hunting things for sport, this is a normal thing of course but there is a present issue of them getting actually killed for once. Oh and there is this one Rouge Trader coming down, he won't even last an hour let alone a day.

They increased patrols to mitigate these issues. Suddenly the precinct's door blasts open and they are attacked by a horde of deranged gangers yelling chants of "Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for the Skull Throne!" as the lights go out and the screams followed.

In the slums of the unfortunate...

Beastmen workers toil hours upon hours to produce the minimum quota of 42069 weapons a day for exportation. While the Emperor has since helped their pain with his podcast, it's still a hard life. Their pay is minuscule, their homes are damp and cold, and their bodies are no longer theirs since birth. This would go no longer. All it takes is one word to be spoken that will make them enraged like bulls in a china house, revolution.

Outside a sewer entrance...

Geanstealer cults rigged high explosives to within sewer grates at a thin section of the Hive walls. In hopes of blowing it up, they could sow chaos by removing a chunk of the supports holding up the rest of the Hive. But before they were intercepted by the Ash Waste Nomads and their giant bugs. A shootout began between the two, it was clear that the Geenstealers were outgunned and outnumbered and retreated. The Ash Waste Nomads give chase in such a hurry they did not notice the still-live bombs in and on the sewer gates.

Somewhere else...

A raging battle between Eshers and Goliaths ensues over a water treatment plant, the Eshers need it for purifying some of their products while the Goliaths wanted to stay damm hydrated. But they were not the only ones there. In the shadows, a group of ratlike creatures ready to pounce with antique radioactive rifles and quite crude yet deadly Warpstone-powered swords.

Behind that group is a large figure content to remain in the shadows, and watch as the chaos, begins to unfold.

End of Chapter