The mine cart ride was dark, smelly, and uncomfortable, but luckily, also quick. Not quick enough, however, to avoid Dipper being treated to the sound of retching coming from his backpack. When they finally made it to the Greenside mine entrance, Dipper, Fenris, and Grenda stumbled out of the cart, waving a weak goodbye to the worker who had guided their cart under the mountain. As they reached the open air, sighing with relief, Dipper felt a poke in his back.

"Can I come out now?" asked Bacon, pitifully.

Dipper sat the backpack down and opened it, lifting out a pale and sweaty Bacon. He was holding Dipper's blanket balled up in his hands.

"I threw up in your blanket," he said, holding the offending material toward Dipper. "Sorry."

"Uh, that's okay, Bacon…" said Dipper, shrinking away from the clurichaun. "You can just, uh, put it down. I don't need it anymore."

"Okay," said Bacon, letting the blanket fall to the ground. His face looked slightly green.

"Are you gonna be okay to walk with us?" asked Dipper.

"I might have need of the Fenris express, actually," said Bacon. "I'm feelin' quite wibbly and squiffy."

Fenris knelt so Bacon could climb onto his back. You had better not vomit on me, wee man.

"I'm not sure if I've got anything left in me to come back up, to be honest," said Bacon. Then he belched loudly, and covered his mouth.

"Gross, that sounded wet," said Grenda.

Indeed, said Fenris, his ears flicking back to lay flat.

"I got this," said Dipper. He snapped his fingers, and a blue plastic pail appeared upside down on Bacon's head. Dipper lifted it off, and handed it, right-side-up, to Bacon. "Puke bucket, just like Mabel and I used to use when we got sick on long car rides." He paused, and looked down at the bucket's stained, plastic inside. "Um, that might be the actualbucket we used. You're welcome?"

"Wow, you're getting good at that, Dipper," said Grenda, impressed. "I wasn't sure you'd ever be able to figure your whole 'magic thing' out."

Dipper chuckled, about to make a crude joke about his "magic thing," when he was cut off by a new wave of retching coming from Bacon, whose head was buried in the plastic beach pail.

"That's gonna get old real fast," he said. He walked over to Grenda, put his hands over her ears, and when he pulled them away, she was wearing fluffy pink earmuffs. Kneeling down beside Fenris, he produced two generous sized cotton puffs, and plugged the dog's ears. Finally, he clasped his hands together, and when he brought them apart, he was holding an mp3 player and earbuds. He put the earbuds in, and grinned.

"I've never really had an appreciation for electronic dance music," he said loudly, "but damn if it isn't fun to move to."

As the group wound their way down the rocky mountain path, Dipper led the way, dancing and jumping from boulder to boulder on his nimble goat legs. They rounded a corner on the path, and a wide valley came into view below them. Dipper didn't notice. He had conjured himself a poi and was wildly spinning and twirling with it.

Dipper, you look like you're having fun, and all, but you haven't forgotten why you're here, have you?

Startled, Dipper stopped swinging the poi in the middle of a rotation, and ended up smacking himself in the face with it. He could hear Bacon's riotous laughter over his music. Dipper tossed the poi away, and it disappeared before it hit the ground. He yanked out his earbuds and turned to face Fenris.

"Thanks, Sir Buzzkillington," he said sourly, rubbing the red spot on his cheek where the poi had struck him. "But no, I haven't forgotten why I'm here: I'm here to rescue Wendy. There's no law saying I can't have fun on the way." He paused, and arched an eyebrow. "Wait, there really isn't, is there? That would suck."

"Hold on a minute," said Grenda. She had pulled her earmuffs off, and they were resting around her neck. "Is Fenris talking to you in your head, like he does with Bacon? I feel kinda left out."

Bacon, who had discarded his pail, and looked considerably better, grinned. "I promise ye, sweetie, ye're not missin' much. He's just a dog, after all."

Fenris heaved a sigh. Sorry, Grenda. There. Now you can all hear me. Bacon, would you kindly remove the cotton from my ears? That's better. Oh, also, go suck a lemon wee man. Tell my dad I'm 'just a dog,' and see what happens to you.

The grin slipped from Bacon's face. "Don't tell your dad on me, please," he mumbled.

Fenris snorted, choosing to ignore Bacon. I apologize for interrupting your one-mandance party, Dipper, but you haven't even looked out at the view before us, have you?

Dipper shook his head in the negative, and turned around. The vista was breathtaking. They were looking down on a small valley, covered in gently rolling fields of wildflowers and tall grasses. In the distance, a small forested hill stood above the rest of the valley, at the crest of which stood an enormous palace, which appeared to be grown out of living trees. Dipper's heart leapt at the sight.

"Wendy's in there," he whispered.

"Not to be a downer," said Bacon, "But now that we're almost there… shouldn't we formulate some kind of plan?"

"Is 'get in, get girl, get gone' not a good enough plan?" asked Dipper.

"It's simple. I like it," said Grenda.

Unfortunately, it will probably not be a simple task at all, said Fenris. We should rest here for a bit, have a meal, and discuss how you will save your Wendy, Dipper.

Now that Wendy was practically within his reach, it pained Dipper to not just run to her as fast as he could—but Fenris was right. It would be a fine thing to come this close, and then botch the rescue and have it all go sideways.

"Fine," said Dipper. "But let's make it quick. Who knows what's happening to Wendy in there?"

/

Wendy's hands shook, as she stepped forward to touch the familiar face outlined in the birch trunk.

"Mom?" she whispered softly. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, but she didn't notice.

"Beithe?!" Cernunnos gasped.

"My sweet Wyn Dahlia. You've grown so much."

"Mom!" Wendy wrapped her arms tightly around the birch, and sobbed.

Cernunnos stood rooted to the spot. Literally. He tried to approach Wendy and offer her comfort, but was stopped in his tracks by roots that had wound up out of the ground, entrapping his feet and ankles.

Meanwhile, Bork, having been waiting for Wendy just outside the entrance to the courtyard, came running in, screaming and brandishing a knitting needle. He was nearly upon the picnickers before he realized that his services were not required.

Wendy let go of the birch, and wiped her eyes. "Bork?"

"I heard you scream… and-and then you were crying," said Bork hesitantly. "You are my friend. I wanted to help you."

"You are a brave little brownie, to try and protect my daughter's virtue," said Beithe. "Especially against a god."

"Oh. Um… thank you… talking tree?" said Bork, his puzzlement clear on his petite features.

"Bork, this is Beithe," said Wendy. "She's my mom," she added, her smile radiant.

Bork looked from Beithe, to Wendy, to Cernunnos, and back to Wendy. "I am very confused."

"So am I," said Cernunnos. "How did you come to be here, Beithe? The Green Man said he had sent you to another realm as punishment for your disobedience."

Beithe laughed bitterly. "You believed that utter bastard? I am sorry, but what he told you was a lie. He has kept me imprisoned here for the past… how old are you, Wendy?"

"Sixteen."

"I've missed so much…" breathed Beithe. "Six years, Cerny. My father has kept me imprisoned here, in my tree form, for the past sixyears."

Cernunnos looked devastated. "You've been here this whole time? Why would he lie about that?"

"Hold up," said Wendy, raising her hand. "Cerny? Mom, you know him?"

"I thought I did," spat Beithe. "The Cernunnos I knew would never have tried to rape my daughter." Beithe's eyes shot to her daughter's unlaced bodice. "Speaking of which, Wendy, dear, you might want to fix your garment."

Wendy looked down and yelped, having forgotten about her near-nakedness in the excitement of her reunion with her mother. She attempted to re-do the laces, but her hands were shaking too badly.

"I can help you with that," offered Cernunnos.

Wendy looked up at Cernunnos, and narrowed her eyes hatefully. "Sod off," she spat. In a much nicer tone, she said "Bork, would you mind helping me with this?" She knelt down and the brownie had her bodice laced back up in less than a minute. She ruffled his hair and lifted him onto her shoulder, so he would feel included in the conversation.

"Well, now that thaturgent matter has been attended to," said Cernunnos wryly, "Beithe, please explain. Everything."

"You first," she countered. "As I said before, I've never known you to resort to rape to have your way with a woman. That is not the Cerny I grew up with. You and your sister were always the nicest of the gods of the Green. What changed?"

Cernunnos sighed. "We don't go to the Mundane very often anymore. That was one of the reasons it was considered particularly scandalous that you had run away so long ago."

"Yes, I do recall that," said Beithe. "My father was convinced that humanity was beyond saving, seeing as what they've done to their environment. I begged to differ."

"Indeed," said Cernunnos. "He also believes that their lack of respect for nature stems from their abandonment of the worship of us…" he glanced at Wendy, noting her confusion. "The old gods," he explained. "Worshipped when humanity was still primarily tribal in nature—before large cities and habitations were common. All the realms, including the Green and Mundane, were a lot more entwined. Gods and mortals alike passed onto each other's planes of existence frequently. What happened in one realm had a kind of ripple effect in all the others."

"Right, cool history lesson, bro," said Wendy, crossing her arms. "What does that have to do with you sexually assaulting me?"

Cernunnos looked down, shamefaced. "I am sorry, Wendy. Please understand, I was not entirely in control of myself."

Beithe scoffed. "Isn't that convenient for you."

Cernunnos looked up at her. "Beithe, as you said—the Cernunnos you knew would never resort to rape. That is because the Cernunnos you knew often ventured into the Mundane, and found willing partners easily. Once you ran away seventeen years ago, the Green Man put in place a ban, forbidding all the gods who call his realm home to venture into the Mundane. No humans are allowed in, either. This has proved…problematic for me."

"I think I am beginning to understand," said Beithe, "but that still doesn't make what you did to my daughter okay."

"Hold up, I'm still lost," said Wendy. "So you aren't able to run off to the Mundane and have promiscuous sex with randoms… why is that necessary, anyway?"

"Wendy," said Beithe, "the old gods are very complex creatures. They often represent multiple aspects of the natural world. The Green Man, for instance, is associated with forests, plant life, and wilderness."

Wendy nodded. "Yeah, I understand that much."

Beithe glanced at Cernunnos, whose cheeks were turning red. "Well Cerny represents hunting, as well as lust and fertility. He is literally horny by nature."

Bork whispered something into Wendy's ear, and she snorted, gesturing to Cernunnos' antlers. "Ah…hehehe… horny… because horns…"

Cernunnos scowled. "Yes, laugh it up. I'm perpetually in need of release. When I could venture into the mundane, it was easy enough to find willing females. I never forced any of them. Granted, I put off a powerful pheromone when I'm…ready to seal the deal, as it were. But the pheromone doesn't affect my partner's decision-making. If she is not interested, she makes it known, and I back off."

"Well that wasn't the case with me," said Wendy. "I was sonot interested, and you basically attacked me."

"That was what it looked like from my perspective as well, old friend," said Beithe.

"I am so, so sorry Wendy," said Cernunnos. "I was not thinking straight. Your grandfather has already pretty much promised you to me, and the way you were looking at me, when I was comforting you… I thought I saw love in your eyes. I'm not usually mistaken about that kind of thing—I guess this time I was."

Bork flicked Wendy's earlobe. "Tell him," the brownie whispered.

Wendy sighed. "You weren't wrong—not entirely. You saw love in my eyes because your eyes reminded me of someone else's. Someone I love more than anything, and would give anything to be with again."

Cernunnos looked crestfallen.

"Wait a moment," said Beithe. "While I really want to hear about this love of yours, Wendy, can we back up a few steps? My father promisedmy daughter to you, Cerny?"

"Yes. We were to celebrate the betrothal at dinner tonight," said the horned god glumly. "But if she loves someone else, of course I will not force anything."

"Damn right," muttered Wendy.

The birch tree began to tremble violently, shaking the ground beneath it. The roots holding Cernunnos in place receded back into the earth.

"Mom, are you okay?" asked Wendy. "What's going on?"

Beithe stopped shaking, and yelled in frustration. "It's no use… this is the farthest I've ever been able to come out of my confinement. It's not enough! I am so beyondangry at my father. He has absolutely no rightto try and marry you off."

"Mom, it's okay," said Wendy, brightly. "You heard Cernunnos just now—if I love someone else, he won't act on the Green Man's promise and force me into marriage."

"Sweetie, despite his actions toward you earlier, Cernunnos is generally an honorable and reasonable god," said Beithe. "My father—my father is not. He does not like being disobeyed. He wants you to marry Cernunnos. If you refuse, he may do to you what he's done to me, or worse. Wendy, as much as it pains me, you have to leave. Leave the Green Realm and never come back. Cerny can get you out of the palace. Please—"

"What?!" cried Wendy. "Mom, no! I'm not leaving you here with that misogynistic asshole! If I leave, I'm bringing you with me."

"Wendy," said Bork quietly, "she's a tree. A big tree. We can't just dig her up and take her with us."

"You!" Wendy pointed at Cernunnos. "You're a god. Fix her! Un-tree her!"

"I am sorry, Wendy. I cannot do that," said Cernunnos, shaking his head sadly. "Each god's magic is tied to what they represent. I can't do plant magic."

"Wendy, you must listen," pleaded Beithe. "The Green Man wants to control you. If he can't control you, he willpunish you. If he intends to celebrate your betrothal to Cernunnos tonight, and he is told there isno betrothal, he will not take it well."

Wendy angrily wiped at the tears beginning to blur her vision. "I'm going to figure out a way to get you out of there, mom. If that means I have to 'get engaged' to Cernunnos tonight in order to buy some time, so be it."

Cernunnos frowned. "But Wendy—"

"Come on Bork," said Wendy, ignoring her mother and Cernunnos' protests as she walked away. "You need to help me pick out a 'betrothal' dress for tonight."

/

Dipper sat perched on the edge of a large boulder, fidgeting and wiggling his fingers. Now that Wendy's prison was within sight, he just wanted to be moving in that direction.

"Okay, let's do this," he said to himself, lacing his fingers together, and sitting up straight. "Planning time. Serious face."

"Ye look slightly more constipated than serious, son," said Bacon, grinning.

Dipper narrowed his eyes, but chose to ignore Bacon's jab. "So, how're we getting in? Ideas? Anyone?"

"It's made of wood, right?" asked Grenda, from her seat directly in front of Dipper, on the dusty path. "Why don't we just burn it down?"

Oh dear, said Fenris.

Dipper rolled his eyes. "Okay, Grenda… let me 'splain something to you." He hopped down from his boulder, approached Grenda, knelt down to her level, and smacked her on the back of the head. He heard Bacon burst into a fit of giggles behind him.

"Ow! What was that for?" complained Grenda, rubbing her scalp. Dipper sauntered back over to his boulder, and took his seat before replying.

"Wendy is inthe palace," he said. "We want to rescue her, not flambé her."

"We're trying to shuffle her back ontothe mortal coil, as it were," said Bacon, laughter in his voice. "Your plan would most likely have a decidedly opposite effect on Dipper's lady love."

Grenda looked first at Dipper, then at Bacon, her face blank. "What?"

Fenris laid his head on his paws with a heavy sigh. Moving along. Fire is a no go. Any other ideas?

"Oh, oh! Yes!" cried Bacon, his eyes lighting up. "The wine cellar! We can sneak in through the wine cellar, find the girl, and sneak back out the same way… and maybe grab a few drinks for the road…"

Fenris whuffed softly. No.

"What?!" screeched Bacon, his hands on his hips. "Why 'no'? Sneakin' in through the wine cellar's a damn fine idea!"

"Sorry, Pork Pie. I gotta go with Fenris on this one," said Dipper. "In our short history together, whenever you've obtained alcohol, someone's tried to kill me. So, yeah. That's a big ol' NOPE."

Bacon shoved his hands in his pockets and pouted. "Fine. Spoilsports."

Here's a thought, said Fenris. Why don't we go in the front door?

"Uh… because I don't think they're going to just let us in and let us take the Green Man's granddaughter," said Dipper. "Duh."

Duh yourself, said Fenris. Do they know who you are? Are they expecting you?

Dipper thought for a moment, before finally smacking himself in the forehead. "I'm an idiot."

Fenris opened his mouth wide in a doggie grin, and wagged his tail. Why's that? he asked innocently.

"Wendy doesn't even know I'm a satyr," said Dipper. "Or a god on training wheels. She thinks I'm a regular mortal human—and regular mortal humans can't enter the Green. Therefore, she, nor any of her kidnappers would even think to expect me to launch a rescue mission."

I knew you'd figure it out, said Fenris, his thumping tail dusting the road. Good boy.

Dipper shot Fenris a fake smile. "Thanks."

"So let me get this straight," said Grenda. "We just, what, go up and knock on the palace gates, and ask to come in?"

Fenris nodded. Essentially. We beg the Green Man's hospitality, have dinner, case the palace as inconspicuously as possible until we find the girl, and then formulate our escape with her.

"So ye're saying… we get in, get the girl, and get gone?" asked Bacon, arching an eyebrow.

Fenris' ears went flat. Oh… well, it's a little more nuanced than that… but yes.

Grenda laughed loudly. "It's funny because that was Dipper's original plan!"

Dipper grinned, put on a pair of neon green sunglasses that he'd just pulled out of nowhere, and popped his earbuds back in. As he began dancing his way back down the path into the valley, he turned and yelled to his companions. "What are you guys waiting for, an invitation from the Green Man? Come on, we have a princess to rescue!"

/

"Ugh, I hate being treated like a princess," Wendy muttered, low enough that only Bork, sitting on her shoulder, could hear her. The Green Guard was once again escorting her to the main hall of the Green Palace for dinner at the high board.

"Well, you kind of are one," whispered Bork pragmatically. "And until you and Master Cernunnos figure out a way to help Beithe escape her confinement, you have to act the part." He paused, admiring her outfit, and his handiwork on her hair. "At least you definitely look the part, if nothing else."

The corners of Wendy's mouth twitched upward. "I amgoing to miss my fabulous brownie-made wardrobe once I leave." Her gown this evening was comprised of rich, forest green silk skirts, and a deep brown sleeveless corset bodice—this one lacing up the back. Her long, crimson locks were pinned up intricately above the nape of her neck, woven throughout with tiny, white flowers. Instead of her mother's necklace, she wore a delicate gold chain around her neck, from which hung a tiny golden pine cone.

Wendy and her guard neared the entrance to the Green Man's court, when a voice called out "I'll take her from here, men."

The guardsmen stood back against the wall as Cernunnos approached Wendy, and linked her arm in his.

"You look beautiful tonight, Wendy," he said.

"Yeah, I know," said Wendy simply. Bork giggled in her ear.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" asked Cernunnos softly. "I could help you escape right now, if you want."

"Dude, I told you already," said Wendy. "I'm not leaving without my mom. If pretending to be engaged to you buys us more time to figure out how to save her, then so be it."

Cernunnos stopped walking under the open archway leading into the hall, and turned Wendy to face him. He leaned in close, to whisper in her ear on the side that Bork was not occupying, his hot breath tickling her neck.

"Pretending… yes, that's the problem," he said softly. "The Green Man is, of course, aware that I am a god of lust and fertility. In order to convince him that the betrothal is sincere, you must be willing to…be affectionate with me. You must truly play the part of a smitten bride-to-be. Can you do that?"

Wendy blanched. "Affectionate how?" she breathed.

"I might kiss you…on the cheek, the mouth... the neck. I might hold your hand, or put my arm around you," said Cernunnos. "You must remember to not hit me or become angry if I do these things. You must…in order to be convincing…reciprocate."

Wendy took a deep, shuddering breath, and pulled away from Cernunnos, meeting his brown eyes with a level gaze. "If I start to freak out, I guess I can just close my eyes and pretend you're Dipper… you kind of look like an older version of him."

Cernunnos raised an eyebrow. "Dipper?"

"He's…he's my love," said Wendy, her cheeks flushing prettily.

"Very well," said Cernunnos, linking his arm back through Wendy's, and looking down at her as they began to walk forward into the hall. "If it will help you act convincingly besotted, pretend I am your Dipper. Try to think of how happy you'd be if he were in my place, and you were celebrating your engagement to him."

A huge grin split Wendy's face. She remembered Dipper's passionate kisses on Christmas eve—how he seemed to physically needWendy. She thought of the dream she'd awoken from this very morning—she'd been pregnant with Dipper's child, and incredibly happy and content. She couldn't wait to see him again, and tell him over and over how much she loved him.

"I think this is the first time I've seen you genuinely smile since you've been here," said Cernunnos quietly. "Your Dipper is a very lucky man."

As the pompously dressed dwarf at the front of the hall announced their arrival, Wendy smiled up at Cernunnos. "No," she said. "I'm the one who's lucky."

/

Gaining entrance to the Green Palace was ridiculously easy. The sentry standing guard asked them what business they had at the Green Palace, and Dipper explained that they were simply weary travelers, hoping for the Green Man's hospitality. The sentry nodded, and waved them inside.

"I almost feel cheated," said Dipper, as they made their way in the direction the sentry had indicated. "Like… it doesn't sound very impressive to say 'Hi Wendy! I'm here to rescue you! They let me in the front door!'"

Fenris sneezed. Don't worry, I doubt the Green Man and his guard will be very willing to let you just waltz out the door with Wendy. You'll get to show off your sick fighting skills, bro.

Dipper furrowed his brow and glanced down at Bacon, who was still riding Fenris-back. "Is he mocking me? I think he might be mocking me… I can never tell, what with the whole voice-in-my-head thing."

Bacon held a hand over his heart. "What?! No! Fenris would never dareuse mockery or sarcasm against anyone!" He wiggled his eyebrows. "Especially not someone with such stylish shades."

Grenda raised her hand. "That was sarcasm?" she stated, questioningly.

Dipper sighed, and tapped his neon green sunglasses, poofing them out of existence. "Yes, Grenda. That was sarcasm."

Bacon gasped. "What?! Noooooo, I would never—"

Wee man, interrupted Fenris. I believe the horse is dead. You may stop beating it now.

Dipper chuckled, and muttered under his breath "Beating it…"

Bacon giggled, covering his face with his hands.

Grenda grumbled. "I don't understand what you guys think is so funny half the time."

Dipper and Bacon were still laughing as they approached the entrance to the great hall. A member of the Green Guard stationed near the door shushed them.

"Dinner is already underway," said the guard. "You may sit at this table near the door, and the brownies will be out to serve you momentarily."

Dipper and Grenda sat at the table, on sturdy wooden benches that grew up out of the floor. Bacon climbed up on the bench, and stood between the two. Fenris huffed, and flopped down on the floor. In seconds, several brownies were rushing around their table, filling their empty plates with various foods. A tiny female brownie hesitantly sat a dish containing what looked like raw, chopped meat in front of Fenris, before rushing away in a panic. The dog tucked in ravenously.

Bacon raised his empty goblet toward a brownie hefting a wooden jug. "That wouldn't happen to be beer or wine, would it, my good fellow?"

The brownie shook his head. "Sorry, that's only for them's up there," said the brownie, indicating toward the high board. "It's cider for you'uns down here."

Bacon looked at the amber liquid being poured into his glass, hopefully. "Hard cider?"

The brownie shook his head no, and moved on to fill Dipper's goblet.

"So that's the Green Man?" Dipper asked the brownie, squinting in the dim light to make out the man sitting on the throne carved into the massive oak tree. "Who're all those others up there with him?"

"Them's mostly the more powerful gods in these parts, and a few nature spirits." The brownie leaned toward Dipper, and whispered with a grin. "Me cousin's up there, with the Green Man's own granddaughter—as a friend, not a servant—can you believe that?!"

"His-his granddaughter?" Dipper's heart began to pound.

"Yes, indeed," said the brownie. "That's her right up there, on the Green Man's right. Look—you can see Bork (that's me cousin) riding up on her shoulder! You never did see such a thing…" the brownie chuckled to himself as he returned to his duties.

There she was—his Wendy. Her shining red hair was wound into a fancy updo, and the corset bodice of her silken gown accentuated all her curves. She was beautiful—radiant, even…

"She looks happy," whispered Dipper, his heart sinking. "Really happy…"

"Probably because she gets to drink wine," muttered Bacon.

Wendy was chatting animatedly with the diner sitting on her right: a handsome, shirtless man, with stag horns. He kept smiling at her, and leaning over to whisper in her ear. And touching her hand. Holding her hand. Kissing her cheek. Her neck. And she was smiling.

Dipper began to shake. He unconsciously started clenching and unclenching his fists. He was beginning to see red. He'd heard the term "seeing red" before, but never thought it could be a literal, physical reaction to rage. He was learning something new today.

Dipper, you've got your hackles up, said Fenris. What's going on?

Before Dipper could say anything, a loud voice rang out in the hall.

"Attention! Attention, please!" The Green Man stood in front of his throne, holding a goblet aloft. "I just want to be the first to share this happy news. It gives me great pleasure to announce to you the betrothal of my granddaughter, Wyn Dahlia Beithesdottir, to Cernunnos, Lord of the Hunt. I raise my glass in a toast to this well-suited couple. Come on now, you two, don't be shy! You're in love! Have a kiss!"

The horned man leaned in. Wendy stiffened for a moment, then closed her eyes with a smile, threw her arms around him, and kissed him.

Dipper stood from his seat. He glared at the horned man, and the Green Man. Dipper had never been a violent person, and it shocked him for a moment to realize that for the first time in his life, he wanted to kill someone in cold blood. As the two lovers broke apart, Dipper felt a heavy, metallic object appear in his hand.

Dipper, are you sure you want to do this?asked Fenris. You are about to pick a fight with a god. An elder god. Until recently, you couldn't even conjure a sword.

Dipper smiled grimly, as he looked down at the razor-edged longsword he had just produced. "Well I can now," he said quietly.

Grenda saw the look on Dipper's face, and got up from the bench, and backed away from him. She grabbed the back of Bacon's shirt and pulled him with her. "Dipper, think. You know I love a good fight, but there are like twenty gods in this room. I didn't sign up for this."

"I don't mind if you sit this one out," said Dipper, his eyes flashing. "This is personal."

Well, this is unfortunate, sighed Fenris. The Green Man already doesn't like me. I guess it's a good thing I don't care for him much, either.

"Fenris, you don't have to—" Dipper cut off when he glanced over at Fenris. Where once there had stood a shaggy, black dog, there now stood a sleek, black, horse-sized wolf.

"Is-is that your final form?" asked Dipper, momentarily distracted from his rage.

The wolf bared his teeth in a grin. Not even close. And call me Fenrir, would you? I think it sounds more intimidating.

Dipper shrugged, and motioned for Fenrir to follow him. He made his way down the main aisle toward the high board, sword in hand. A shout came from the front of the room, as Fenrir's presence was noticed.

"Fenrir Lokison! How dareyou encroach on my realm," cried the Green Man. "You are not welcome here! I demand you leave at once!"

Fenrir cocked his head to the side. Nah.Without any warning, Fenrir lunged toward the Green Man, jaws snapping. The Green Guard rushed to protect their king, not even noticing the nimble satyr dodging around them, making his way up to the high board, where Wendy and Cernunnos stood, hand in hand.

Cernunnos noticed, however. "Wendy, get down!" he yelled, pushing her behind him. A bow and arrows materialized in his hands, and he nocked an arrow, aiming it at Dipper's chest. "Back off, satyr! I'm warning you. I am the Lord of the Hunt. I don't miss."

"I'm sorry Wendy," whispered Dipper, tears in his eyes. "I love you."

Dipper lower his head and ran at Cernunnos full tilt. He felt a shock reverberate through him, as an arrow pierced his chest. It barely slowed him, even as he felt warm blood seeping down over his skin. He raised his sword, and felt another shock as an arrow pierced his shoulder. He brought the sword down.

"NO!" screamed Wendy, jumping in front of Cernunnos. She covered her face, awaiting the blow that never came.

As soon as Wendy had jumped in front of the Lord of the Hunt, Dipper's sword simply dissolved into dust. Dipper's arms went limp, and he stared numbly at the floor. All the fight was gone from him.

"Get the satyr! He's attacking Wyn Dahlia!" cried the Green Man, over the screams and growls of Fenrir's fight.

Wendy dropped her hands to look at her "attacker." Blood was pouring from his two arrow wounds. He was dirty and disheveled, and he was sporting some five o'clock shadow. Yet, he looked familiar. Very familiar.

Two of the Green Guard ran over and roughly began to jerk the satyr away by his arms. His legs buckled. He finally looked up at Wendy. His face was pale, red-rimmed eyes brimming with tears. His eyes were a soft, warm brown. He looked even more like an older Dipper than Cernunnos—except, of course, that Dipper wasn't a satyr. Then she noticed it. On his loincloth. A simple blue pine tree. And under the mop of brown curls covering his forehead, she could see part of the unmistakable birthmark.

As Wendy's eyes went wide with recognition, Dipper smiled sadly. Then his eyes rolled back in his head, and he went completely limp.

/

"Um, Arden?" said Mabel, her hands in the air, "Do you think you could point that spear somewhere that's not at my face?"

Arden shook her head. "Not until you tell me why you were following me."

"Honestly?" said Pacifica, "Our curiosity about you was piqued when I caught you in a lie."

Arden frowned, and lowered her spear, planting the blunt end in the ground, and holding it like a walking stick. "What lie?"

"Well, you're obviouslynot a foreign exchange student, like you claimed," said Pacifica. "And when we left the Mystery Shack together the other night, and you said you needed to get back to your host family's house in Gravity Falls, you went in the opposite direction of town."

"Plus," added Mabel, "You don't have a cell phone. That's just plain weird. Who—or what—are you?"

Arden sighed, and ignored Mabel's question. She looked at her feet. "I thought you were different. Especially you, Mabel. But you're just like all the other vapid technophiles that populate this sick planet." She turned away from them.

Mabel and Pacifica stepped forward, wanting to comfort Arden. They were curious about her, but they hadn't meant to hurt her. Before they reached her, however, they were swept up in a net that had been camouflaged by the forest floor. They screamed as they were swung up into the air.

"It has been so long since I have had like-minded friends. Since I've had a champion." Arden stared up at her ensnared would-be friends, her voice thick with regret. "I really thought—he told me you—" she cut herself of with a heavy sigh. "It doesn't matter. Maybe the Green Man is right. Our worlds have diverged too far apart to hope for reconciliation. Goodbye, Mabel and Pacifica." Arden walked into the dense forest, and was out of sight in seconds.

The net holding the two girls aloft creaked, as it swayed gently in the breeze.

Mabel sighed. "You know, up until she threatened me with a spear and trapped us in a net, I really liked her."