Severus sat at the kitchen table on Wednesday with the Daily Prophet and a cup of tea. It was Rachel's birthday and he could only hope that she would be interested in their usual small celebration. He had baked a chocolate cake last night, hoping to entice her with sweet foods. She was now eating more regularly rather than only drinking the fruit and peanut butter drinks that he'd been making for her, but still only in small amounts.
Sturgis' murder had been a set back. Rachel had been quiet and withdrawn since that night, even more so than she had been so far this summer. Severus imagined it was a multitude of things that she was struggling with. Watching someone be murdered was never easy, especially when you knew the people involved. Seeing Sturgis tortured undoubtedly reminded her of her own abduction and torture. And he knew that the prophecy was weighing heavily on her.
After some consideration, Severus had decided to let Rachel be the one to bring up the prophecy and what it meant when she wanted to, at least for now. He knew that she considered killing the Dark Lord to be an impossible task and he could understand why. Obviously there had to be some trick to it that they weren't seeing yet, something to do with the power that Rachel supposedly had. Thus far Albus had been maddeningly vague about the whole thing, merely saying that he was investigating something and he would let them know when he had a lead.
For now, the best Severus could do was reassure Rachel, encourage her not to think about the war for the moment, and do what he could to get her to eat. At least she'd be seeing the curse damage specialist tomorrow. Hopefully Weber would have some ideas of what might help Rachel, or at the very least, assure them that her brain was in good condition and that the rest of her would heal with time.
Rachel navigated her chair into the kitchen. She was wearing the pale blue dress and had a blanket over her lap. He was glad that the dresses he'd bought for her seemed to be something she was inclined to wear.
"Happy birthday," he told her.
"Thanks," she said, bringing her chair up to the table and then setting down her wand. "Can I take a bath today, or maybe a shower?"
"A bath. I don't think a shower is going to work while you can't stand and I'd rather not have you attempting to stand on a slippery surface right now regardless," he said. Her balance was very poor at the moment. If she wanted to stand, she had to cling to him or to another surface, and she could only take a few steps. "Would you like eggs and bacon?"
"Eggs and toast, maybe," she said, adjusting her blanket.
"Is there something about bacon that you dislike?" he asked. She used to eat bacon with relative frequency.
She shrugged. "It's just kind of strong."
Severus puzzled over that for a moment. He certainly wouldn't categorize bacon as a strong flavor. "How many eggs?" he asked, rather than pressing her on it.
"One egg, one slice of toast."
"Tea or juice?"
"Tea would be fine."
He would have rather she had chosen the juice since it was more nutritious, but one step at a time. He stepped away from the table to cook, looking back when he heard the rustle of the newspaper. This was the first time she'd shown any interest in the paper since they'd come home for the summer.
"Sirius says the Wizengamot isn't working too well," she said as she looked at the front page headlines.
"He's not wrong," Severus said as he moved to the fridge and began retrieving what he needed to make breakfast.
"How many of them do you think are Death Eaters?" she asked.
He glanced back at her. "Four that we know of, with several others who have family members who are Death Eaters."
"Just because someone has a family member who is a Death Eater, doesn't mean they agree with them. Look at Theo."
"That's true, but having a Death Eater in the family at least means that the Wizengamot member is accessible to the Death Eaters and may be under their influence. None of those in question will vote with Albus, so at the very least they don't seem to have an ideological stand against Death Eaters," Severus explained, cracking eggs into the frying pan.
"Did the Daily Prophet mention anything about Professor Podmore these past few days?" she asked.
Severus held back a sigh. "The MLE has reported him as missing and presumed dead. Likely that will stay that way unless they find his body. There was a small article two days ago." They hadn't found anything at Sturgis' home to indicate an attack and the wards were untouched. Most likely Sturgis had been out doing something and had been ambushed.
Rachel fell quiet, the only sounds were the sizzling of the eggs as they cooked and the rustle of the thin pages of the newspaper as she read.
He delivered plates to both of them, cast a warming charm on his own tea cup and brought Rachel a wide rimmed cup that hopefully wouldn't spill as easily in her shaking hands.
She set aside the paper and began to pick at her food.
"Is there anything you wish to do today?" he tried.
She shrugged. "Not really. I'm going to chat with my friends in my book at some point. Can I ask you something?"
"Yes, of course," he said, wondering what sort of question needed a preface.
"Have you ever heard of anyone being able to feel magic?" she asked.
"I suppose that depends on what you mean by 'feeling magic'," he said. "I presume you're not talking about the sensation when you channel magic?"
"No, this is different. I felt you cast the warming charm. Not as strongly as when you cast it directly at me, but I could still feel it," she said, looking up from her food.
"You felt warm from the warming charm I cast on my tea?" he asked incredulously.
"No, I didn't feel the warm part. I feel a surge of magic that is hot, and then it ends. And then if you're casting it on me, I feel the warmth, but when you cast it on the tea, I only felt the magic," she explained.
Severus had never heard of anything like that before. "Is it just the warming charm or can you feel other spells?"
"The privacy ward feels cold, only for a moment when the spell is first cast. The standard diagnostic charm feels prickly," she said.
"How long have you been feeling this?" he asked, though he could guess.
"Since the morning I woke up in the hospital wing." She looked down at her food. "I'm guessing this doesn't normally happen."
"No. Do you mind if I ask Albus about it?" If anyone would know, it would be Albus.
"That's fine. I don't think feeling magic is my special power though. It's kind of useless," she said, poking at her toast.
Severus considered that. "Maybe not entirely useless. If it doesn't fade away as you heal, I'm sure we can find some use for it. Would you be interested in us trying other spells to see which ones you can feel?"
She bit her lip. "I guess. I have noticed that it's not when I cast spells. I don't feel anything different when I'm casting a spell."
"That is interesting," he commented, aiming for neutral. "I think it also might be a good idea to tell this to the curse damage specialist tomorrow. They might have heard of it before."
"What do you think it's going to be like? What is he going to do to me?" She sounded worried.
"I'm not entirely sure. I imagine he will have some specialized diagnostics that will help him determine the extent of the damage and will hopefully suggest a better method of treatment than what we're currently doing," Severus said, making his best guess. "I will be with you the entire time and Madam Pomfrey will be there, assuming you wish her to be."
Rachel nodded. "I think that would be a good idea. We don't know this person."
"That's one of the reasons Albus insisted the examination take place in the hospital wing. I'm sure Albus will be in the castle if we need him as well," he said, wondering what else he could say to reassure her.
"Do you think they'll really be able to help?"
"I don't know. Albus said he's one of the foremost specialists in curse damage in Western Europe. If anyone can help, it would be him," he paused, waiting to see if she had more questions. "Try to eat your breakfast, then you can open your presents. There's chocolate cake for tonight."
She nodded again and began to eat, her expression pensive.
Severus resumed his own breakfast and reminded himself that they could only take things one step at a time.
In her bedroom, Rachel carefully loaded her birthday gifts onto her desk from her lap and her chair where she'd balanced them. As usual, she'd received way too much, though she very much appreciated what she had been given. She now had six new books to read, a new watch and charmed bracelet from Severus as well as a gift account to Flourish and Blotts from him, a new journal, a new planner for school, a small carved bone art piece from New Zealand from Luna, a tin of homemade sweets from Ginny, a field guide to creatures from Hagrid, and a box of chocolate frogs. She felt a little bit guilty about the chocolate frogs.
After retrieving her coin pouch from the bag of sweets she'd gotten from Hogsmeade she had vanished the entire bag. She had found it in her trunk, which she'd only opened to get out one of her Hogwarts robes so she could have her arms covered, and while she knew Millie had meant well by putting it in there, she had really never wanted to see it again.
Maybe it was childish, as her current aversion to chocolate frogs certainly was, but she couldn't stop the way her stomach churned and chest ached at the thought of eating one of them. It was a battle she would have to fight later. Maybe it would be one of those things that got better on its own with time. She was willing to wait and see.
She opened her two-way book and flipped through the pages until she found where they had left off last night. 'Thank you all for the gifts!' she wrote, though she would write them individual thank you letters later, along with a letter to Hagrid. She was guessing that she would receive gifts from Sirius and Remus next time she saw them, even though she had assured them that the cassettes they'd given her were more than a gift enough.
Out of the six cassettes they'd given her, she liked the Bee Gees' Saturday Night Fever the best, with the Elton John cassette that her dad had really liked next, and the Cat Stevens' Greatest Hits cassette after that. She was less sure about The Sex Pistols. The next time she was at a music shop she needed to buy some sort of carrying case for her cassettes as she had a lot of them now.
She had also sat on the floor next to her bookshelf and reorganized it. Her mom's books had a prized spot on the top shelf, along with the Horath Bogtrotter books and the Alanna books, which she'd fished out of her trunk. All of her muggle fiction was on the next shelf. The bottom shelf was a mix of old textbooks she wasn't using, her old two-way books, and a handful of other books that didn't fit with her other shelves. It was a good thing she was almost an adult. She was going to need a new bookshelf soon and while there was space in her room for it, she wasn't sure Severus would approve.
'Happy Birthday, Rachel! Can you believe that we're sixteen now?' Neville wrote back.
'Not really. I don't feel sixteen,' she wrote. She wasn't sure what she felt. She felt like she'd seen a lot of things, too much really. And at the same time she knew she had barely glimpsed what the world had to offer.
'It takes a while. And I think it helps to have a comparison. I feel old compared to Isobelle, but not so much compared to my parents. Happy Birthday, Rachel!' Millie wrote.
'Yes, happy birthday, Rachel! I can't wait to develop my photos and let you see them. We're portkeying back to London in five days. I'm looking forward to seeing all of you,' Luna wrote.
'I'm looking forward to seeing all of you too,' Rachel wrote back. As far as she knew, everyone was planning to be at Ginny's birthday party.
'Happy Birthday, Rachel. I hope you're having a good day so far,' Theo wrote.
'Pretty good. I unwrapped my gifts, so I have plenty to do, and Severus made me a cake for later,' she wrote back. She twisted in her chair and looked longingly at her broom. What she really wanted was to be flying, or at least brewing potions. She couldn't quite balance well enough to sit on a stool for an extended period, and her hands were shaking too much to prepare ingredients anyway. She'd probably be dangerous with a knife.
She hoped that this curse damage specialist could actually do something for her. She'd been like this for over a month now. That wasn't exactly true. She had been much worse a month ago. But it was frustrating. She knew she should be grateful. She should be grateful for a lot of things actually. Grateful that she'd been rescued. Grateful that she was recovering, even if it did seem slow. Grateful that she didn't seem to have brain damage. Grateful that Severus was taking care of her.
Somehow, she didn't feel very grateful.
'Sorry I'm late, happy birthday, Rachel! I just got back from the library.' Hermione wrote.
Rachel wished she could go to a library. There was a library in Fordingbridge, which is the small town nearby where they went to get their groceries, but she hadn't wanted to make Severus make an extra stop when they went into town, and they definitely didn't have a piece of muggle mail, which she'd need if she wanted a library card.
'Happy birthday from me too! And we'll all be seeing each other in ten days!' Ginny wrote soon after.
'I can't wait. I feel like I've been crammed in my room all summer. Hermione, I finally finished Les Miserables. Do you have any book suggestions that aren't quite as depressing? Maybe I can send you some money and you can pick me something up?' Millie wrote.
'Less depressing as in the subject matter? Or less depressing in not having people die? Or something else?' Hermione asked.
'All of the above. Not about war. No people dying. No weird romance where they fall in love just because they look at each other,' Millie wrote back.
'Do you care if it is in a real muggle setting or do you mind if it has some fantasy?' Hermione asked.
'Don't care either way, but I'd like to learn more about muggles still, so maybe something where they're doing real things,' Millie wrote.
'I'll see what I can find,' Hermione promised.
'While you're at the bookshop, can you see if Stephen King has written the fourth book in the Dark Tower series? I can send you money too,' Rachel asked. She'd been meaning to ask that for some time. She wanted to suggest the series to Millie, but people definitely died and they were a little bit depressing.
'I can check,' Hermione wrote. 'Anyone else looking for something from the muggle bookshop?'
'I want to know more of what muggles think magic is like. At one point Rachel told me that I should see what muggles think elves look like,' Theo wrote.
'That I can definitely help you with,' Hermione wrote.
'I can bring some books to school too,' Rachel wrote, figuring she would bring him The Lord of the Rings if Hermione didn't buy it for him.
'Wait, what do muggles think elves look like?' Ginny wrote.
'Depends. Fantasy elves are pale, have long hair, and look like humans with pointy ears. Generally they sing and live in trees or tree villages. Christmas elves are little, make toys, and also have pointy ears. None of their ears are long like House Elves,' Hermione explained.
Rachel had the odd realization that Lucius Malfoy would make a good fantasy elf if he had pointy ears. Well and if he lived in a tree and sang songs.
'And muggles believe they exist?' Neville wrote.
'No, not really. No one older than a young child believes in Christmas elves, and by the time people are old enough to know about fantasy elves they don't believe in magic at all,' Rachel answered.
'Somehow I never realized how complicated muggles are,' Theo wrote.
'I assure you, Rachel and I had just as much culture shock coming into the magical world,' Hermione wrote back.
'It is very strange finding out things that you thought were make-believe are real. Even now I still find things that surprise me,' Rachel added. Less and less as time wore on though. At this point, she thought she knew how to get around better in the magical world than she did the muggle world. Of course, all of her interactions in the muggle world had taken place when she was a young child. She'd never had to pay rent, get a job, or figure out all the things that muggle adults did to get by.
'When we're adults, and it's safe, you're going to have to take us out into the muggle world and show us how it's done,' Theo wrote.
'I'd be happy to. I was going to offer to have you visit over the summer, but now that we're back in England I need to start talking to my parents about the war and the things I haven't been telling them, so it might have to wait until next summer. I'm going to wait until Sunday, when both my parents have the day off, and then I'm going to sit down with them and talk about some things. I've been saving some of the more informative articles from the Daily Prophet, so hopefully that will help them have a broader understanding of things,' Hermione wrote.
Rachel frowned down at her book. She was worried about how that was going to go, but there was nothing she could do about it from here. 'Just let me know when you want Severus to come talk with them. I know he'd come quickly if there was a problem,' she settled for writing.
'Thank you. I think it will be alright. I just need to take things slowly and give them some background information. I've written up a plan that provides a good overview without going into too much detail,' Hermione wrote back.
'Well, good luck. We're here if you need us, and I know my parents would be willing to talk to yours too if it would help,' Ginny wrote.
'Thank you. I might take you up on that,' Hermione wrote.
Rachel watched the book a little longer and then set it aside while it was still open when there weren't any more messages.
She had finished her Arithmancy equations, her Ancient Runes translations, and three of her essays. That just left her Transfiguration essay, which was about animate conjuring, and her potions essay, which was about ingredient substitution. She had decided to leave her potions essay until last since she hadn't quite decided what the focus of her essay should be. He only allowed them three feet and there was a lot to say on ingredient substitution.
Using her wand she brought her chair over to her bookshelf and bent down to pull out her Transfiguration textbook, which she set on her lap, and then navigated back to her desk. The charmed chair was a godsend. She didn't know what she'd been doing letting Severus carry her around for three weeks. She just hadn't known that the chair was an option.
With a small amount of concentration, she conjured herself a scroll that was about the right length, opened her textbook, and got to work.
Rachel decided that the reason she was shaking was because of her tremors and not because she was nervous. She was a little nervous, but it was manageable. Severus would never let someone hurt her while he was standing right there. She just wished she knew what to expect.
It was just before one o'clock when she guided her chair into the hospital wing on August first. On the way from the gate she'd had to remind Severus that she didn't need to be pushed. She much preferred controlling the chair herself.
"How are you today, Rachel?" Madam Pomfrey asked as she came out of her office.
"Alright. Still getting better," she said. Thankfully Madam Pomfrey didn't follow up the question with a diagnostic charm as she usually did.
"And you, Severus?" Madam Pomfrey asked.
"Well enough. Rachel and I would prefer if you remain with us for the duration of the examination," Severus said.
"I'm happy to do that, I'm quite curious myself. It's not often that I get to watch specialized Healers work," Madam Pomfrey said.
"What do you think he'll do?" Rachel asked, figuring Madam Pomfrey might know.
"I expect he'll have some specialized diagnostic charms. He'll likely wish to examine your wounds. How is the one on your calf and the one on your back?"
"Still bleeding sluggishly but we're seeing some improvement with the murtlap essence," Severus answered for her.
Rachel's mouth twisted. She could have told Madam Pomfrey that.
Madam Pomfrey nodded. "They'll close completely eventually, we just need to be careful about not reopening them. How is the chair working for you, Rachel?"
"Very good, thank you for letting us borrow it," she answered quickly.
"You're still practicing standing and walking?"
"Every day." Not that they were making a lot of progress with it.
"We are working on it, but we may be pressing too quickly for how much she has healed," Severus added.
"Do you find standing and walking painful?" Madam Pomfrey asked.
"No, it doesn't hurt any more than the rest of the time, I just can't seem to hold myself up or stay balanced," she said.
Madam Pomfrey frowned. "Well, if it's not causing you pain, I'm not sure practicing it is doing you any harm, and we definitely want to try to prevent as much muscle loss as possible."
"I understand," Severus said.
Both Madam Pomfrey and Severus turned at the sound of footsteps approaching and Rachel carefully rotated her chair around so that she could see. It was Professor Dumbledore with a tall, brown haired man with sharp features and black robes.
"May I introduce Specialist Luka Weber. This is our Healer, Madam Poppy Pomfrey, our Potions Master, Professor Severus Snape, and Severus' daughter, Miss Rachel Snow," Professor Dumbledore said.
"A pleasure to meet you all," Mr. Weber said in a slightly accented voice, inclining his head in their direction.
"The pleasure is ours, we very much appreciate you being willing to come to see Rachel," Severus said, giving a short bow.
Mr. Weber looked at Rachel, his gaze intent. "How long have you been in the chair?"
"About two and a half weeks now," Rachel said.
He nodded. "And the curse injuries took place five weeks ago?"
"That's correct," Severus said.
Mr. Weber nodded again. "Let's begin." He moved so that he was in front of Rachel, conjured a plain wheeled chair, and then sat down. "Let's start with your hands, if we could. Hold your hands out in front of you."
Rachel did as instructed.
Mr. Weber moved so that his hand was resting beneath one of Rachel's. "Hold them as steady as you can. Steady."
She bit her lip. "This is about as steady as I get these days."
"Grip my hand, like we are shaking hands and grip as tightly as you can," he instructed.
Rachel gripped his right hand with hers and squeezed. "Like that?"
"Yes, tighter," he said.
"That's as tight as I can go," she said after a moment.
He nodded once. "Left hand now, same thing." After they were finished, he made a note on a piece of parchment he pulled from one of his robe pockets. "You have wounds on your calves. Anywhere else?" he asked.
"Pretty much everywhere else," she said.
"On your feet, or do they stop above your ankles?"
"They stop above my ankles." Thank god no one had taken her shoes. She couldn't imagine trying to stand and walk with wounds like this on her feet.
"Lift up your left leg," he said.
She did so and watched as he examined the wounds, his cold fingers running gently along where the scar tissue met her skin.
"How much pain do you have in the wounds?"
"Some, not as bad as it was. I don't notice it too much unless I'm putting pressure on them," she said.
"I'm going to remove this bandage to see better," he said, moving so that Rachel's calf was on his lap and then conjuring a cloth beneath it so that she wouldn't bleed on his robes. He vanished the bandage and leaned in closer to examine the wound.
Rachel felt like a specimen being studied and she didn't really like it.
"Any more wounds like this one?" he asked, finally conjuring another bandage around her calf.
"One, on my back, but I'm not taking off my dress," she said firmly. It had been bad enough having Madam Pomfrey change her bandages, she was not about to undress in front of a strange man.
He looked up and met her eyes. "I wouldn't expect you to. I can extrapolate the rest based on these wounds. You can put your leg down. How many wounds would you say you have?"
Rachel frowned as she tried to add them up.
"Counting the parallel wounds on her limbs as separate wounds, forty one," Madam Pomfrey answered for her.
She hadn't realized there were so many. She supposed she'd been trying not to notice.
"And treatment was first with Burn Paste and then Healing Salve. You're using murtlap essence on the deep ones?" he asked.
"Yes, that's correct," Severus said.
"I assume she's currently taking Nerve Tonic and Pain Relieving potion twice a day. Anything else?" Mr. Weber asked, still making notes.
"Occasionally a Headache Easing Draught, but she rarely needs those now," Severus answered.
"Rate the pain in your head one week after your injuries on a scale of zero to ten, with ten being the worst," he said.
She thought back to when she was in the hospital wing. "Eight, maybe."
"And now, on the same scale."
"Usually zero. I occasionally get headaches, but I take a Headache Easing Draught for those," she said.
"How many times a week is occasionally?" he asked without looking up from his parchment.
"Maybe twice?" she guessed.
"I want you to look into my eyes," he said.
She quickly averted her gaze. "You're going to use legilimency on me? I have an occlumency shield."
There was a moment of silence.
"No, I am not a legilimens. I wish to test the response time of your pupils," Mr. Weber said.
Rachel looked to Severus, but it was Madam Pomfrey who answered. "It's alright Rachel, he's checking for possible damage to your nervous system."
Deciding that her shield would keep him out if he was a legilimens, Rachel looked back at Mr. Weber.
He looked into her eyes for a long moment. "Cover your left eye and then follow my finger with your right."
She did so, and then he repeated the process with her left eye.
"I'm going to flash a light with my wand, try not to close your eyes," he said after they finished.
She couldn't help but blink at the bright flash, but he just nodded and made another note.
"Was your vision impacted by the Cruciatus curse?" he asked.
"Yes. It was blurry for several days, but it got better each day and now it's back to normal," she said.
He nodded again, making another note. Then he conjured a flat board and put it on her lap and handed her a quill and a piece of parchment. "Write the sentence 'the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog'."
"Is this a charmed quill?" she asked.
"Not yet, try with a regular quill first," he instructed.
Rachel frowned and began writing. As expected the words wound up little more than messy blobs of ink. He handed her another quill and had her write the sentence again. Strangely, her handwriting was different with this quill than with the charmed quill she'd been using at home. He took the items from her and tucked the quills away in his pocket and vanished the board.
"Twelve multiplied by eleven?" he asked.
"Uh," she paused as she tried to remember. "One hundred and thirty two."
"The incantation for the Banishing charm?"
"Depulso." She answered that one immediately.
"What is your first birthday party that you can remember?"
"My twelfth birthday party, with Severus," she said, that one was easy too.
Mr. Weber looked up. "Have you noticed a similar loss of childhood memories? Can you remember anything from before you were twelve?"
Rachel felt herself flush with embarrassment. "Yes, I remember my childhood." She kind of wished that she didn't.
"I believe Rachel's twelfth birthday party was the first birthday party that she had since she was an infant. She was previously living with her relatives who did not treat her well," Severus clarified.
Mr. Weber watched them for a long moment before nodding once. "Have you noticed moments where you want to say something, but you don't remember the words?" he continued.
"No."
"Have you noticed difficulty recalling anything that might not be explained by the usual memory loss of time passing? Names? Faces? Information from your schooling?"
"No, everything seems to be there," she said.
He nodded again and rolled his chair back. "Stand, if you would."
Rachel clung to the handle of her chair and carefully eased herself upright.
"Would one of you help her stand up straight?"
Severus stepped over and Rachel grabbed onto his arms to steady herself and pulled herself so that she was standing straight. Everything was shaking.
"Try to take a few steps, as many as you can without falling," Mr. Weber directed.
Rachel bit her lip as she concentrated and carefully began moving her feet. Severus was supporting a good portion of her weight. She made it six steps before her left knee gave out entirely and Severus quickly caught her and brought her back to her chair.
"Move to one of the beds so you can lie down. Can you get yourself from the chair to the bed?" Mr. Weber asked.
"Yes," she said, though she did not want to lie down. She found that she didn't like Mr. Weber very much. She tried to keep in mind that he was trying to help her as she navigated her chair to the nearest hospital bed and carefully hoisted herself onto the bed.
"You will drink this. You're going to feel light headed for about twenty minutes, and I'm going to do some diagnostics on your brain and body," Mr. Weber said.
"What is it?" Severus asked.
"My own formulation of the Clarifying Solution. I assume Miss Snow is not allergic to wartcap?"
"No, that should be fine," Severus said.
Rachel accepted the vial even though she didn't recognize the potion. If Severus thought it was alright, she supposed it was alright. She felt a chill as she drank it.
"Go ahead and lie down," Mr. Weber said as he drew his wand.
Feeling uncomfortably vulnerable, Rachel laid down and focused on the fact that Severus was right there. She pulled her head away when she felt something tickling across her face. "It tickles."
There was a moment of silence again. "You can feel me cast the spell?"
"Yes, I can feel at least some spells, as long as I'm not the one casting them," she said, settling her head straight on the pillow again.
"Have you heard of that before?" Severus asked.
"Yes. It's an uncommon side effect of severe Cruciatus exposure, though most people who experience it are not in a state to tell anyone directly," Mr. Weber said. "Try to hold still, I will make this as brief as possible."
Rachel wrinkled her nose as the tickling sensation resumed and tried to keep herself from moving about. After a few minutes he moved on from her head and examined the rest of her body, the tickling sensation slowly moving from her shoulders to her feet. Finally, it stopped.
"You were exposed to a large number of short durations for the Cruciatus curse. Thirty five, maybe forty, is that correct?" Mr. Weber asked.
"Yes, how did you know?" she asked, trying to sit up and finding that she was too dizzy to do so.
"Because the damage to most of your nervous system is consistent with an extended Cruciatus exposure, probably at least thirty minutes. Your brain, however, was mostly protected and is in good condition. Usually brain damage does not begin to take place until at least five minutes of consistent exposure. I would not tell anyone who has experienced what you have that they were lucky, but likely if this had happened in any other way, you would not be able to speak to us now," Mr. Weber explained.
Rachel felt chilled. For some reason that was a scary thing to hear.
"Fortunately, from what I can tell, most of the nerve damage that you have can be mitigated. You should be able to walk again. It's likely the tremors will remain, but they should be reduced to a manageable level. I expect you'll need to use a charmed quill for the rest of your life. As for feeling spells, that may or may not diminish with time, there's no way to tell. I have two potions for you. The first is a variation on the Nerve Tonic. It will make you feel sick, but try not to vomit it up. You can take it with a Stomach Soothing potion. Once a day and discontinue the regular Nerve Tonic immediately. Stop taking the potion after three months, regardless of how recovered you are. The second potion is for your wounds. It will hurt and your wounds will bleed. Once you see the wounds bleeding, remove the paste and then treat them with Healing Salve and bandages. You will still have scars, but they will be much thinner than they are now. You should also be able to experience pressure on them without pain. The scar on your calf will still be difficult, this potion will help, but the scarring there will still be extensive. Questions?"
"Will I be able to fly?" Rachel asked.
"Wait until your balance is good enough that you can stand without assistance. It will require some adjustments on your part, but with time, you should be able to fly," Mr. Weber said.
Rachel exhaled with relief. She would be able to walk and she would be able to fly. She didn't care how sick this potion made her as long as those things were true.
"Why aren't these potions more commonly known?" Severus asked.
"Because they are dangerous potions and are only needed in cases of severe nerve damage. It is pointless to make people sick who only need the regular Nerve Tonic, and most people only need that," he answered. "I trust you'll find the brewing instructions to your satisfaction."
Severus looked over the parchments that Mr. Weber handed him. "Yes, this is fine."
"Anything else?" Mr. Weber asked.
"I believe that's everything," Severus said. "Rachel, did you have more questions?"
"No. Thank you for coming to see me," she said, though she still did not exactly like the man.
"Of course. Your Headmaster knows how to contact me should you need me again. I understand a war is starting and there will be more casualties," Mr. Weber said as he tucked away his parchments.
"Thank you," Severus said.
"I can walk you back to my office. Would you like tea?" Professor Dumbledore asked.
Rachel jolted slightly. She'd almost forgotten that Professor Dumbledore was in the room.
"Coffee, if you have it," Mr. Weber said as he walked away.
"I'll see what the House Elves can find," Professor Dumbledore said, both of them leaving the hospital wing.
"Well, not much of a bedside manner, but hopefully these potions will do the trick," Madam Pomfrey said.
"Hopefully," Severus said. "Are you still light headed?"
She lifted her head and immediately set it back down again. "Yes."
Severus conjured a chair and sat down next to her bedside. "We can take as long as you need."
"I suggest starting with the potion on her smaller wounds first. Once you've managed her limbs, let me know and we can work on her torso," Madam Pomfrey said.
"As long as the potion is tolerable to Rachel, I think that's a good idea," Severus said.
Rachel couldn't see why it wouldn't be tolerable. It couldn't be worse than actually getting the wounds. She shivered and pushed the thought away. She didn't need to think about that.
"I'll be in my office if you need me," Madam Pomfrey said before walking away.
"Thank you," Rachel called.
Madam Pomfrey paused and looked back. "Of course, Rachel. Whatever I can do to help."
Rachel exhaled again. "Do you think the Dark Lord knew?" she asked once they were alone.
"Knew what?" Severus asked.
"That he had to use the Cruciatus curse in a certain way? For me to keep my mind?"
Severus pressed his lips together in something that wasn't quite a frown. "No, I don't think he knew or did that on purpose. It's a somewhat standard operation for a circle of Death Eaters, for each of them to torture the captured person, presuming the Dark Lord didn't want information from them. As it always culminates in murder, I doubt the Dark Lord knew the effect of having numerous shorter Cruciatus curses."
"Why is that so scary? I shouldn't be scared, it's over and I was okay," she said, shivering again.
"Perhaps you are confronting how much of a close call we had. It is miraculous that you are alive and doing as well as you are. Healing and recovery will still take time, but you are doing well," he said.
"I don't feel particularly lucky. I know that I should be dead right now, but…" she didn't quite know how to finish that sentence.
"I imagine you don't. It's hard to feel gratitude for being alive while you are still suffering. It wasn't lucky that this happened. It was a terrible experience. Things will get better. That much I can promise."
Rachel closed her eyes. Better could mean a lot of things. It would be better when she could walk and fly. But the war was not going to get better. The war was going to keep getting worse and worse until she did something about it. "What are we going to do?" she finally asked.
"Take one day at a time. Some days will be a little better, some days will be a little worse. But we'll get through this," he said.
She would try to believe that. She wasn't sure what else she could do.
"How is your stomach feeling?" Severus asked as he entered Rachel's bedroom.
Rachel moved so that she was sitting up. "Somewhat better." The replacement potion for the Nerve Tonic made her violently ill unless it was paired with a Stomach Soothing potion, and even then she still felt ill for hours afterwards.
"Are you ready to try to eat?" he asked.
"Not yet. Is that the other potion?" she asked, looking at the jar in Severus' hand as he sat down.
"It is. We should test it on one of your smaller wounds first and see how it does," he said. "Is that something you'd like to do now, or would you like to wait until after Albus has been here?"
"Now is fine, we still have thirty minutes until he's supposed to be here, right?" she asked, checking her watch. She had taken to wearing her jewelry again now that her arms were mostly healed and she wasn't swathed in bandages.
"Yes, though Albus' concept of timeliness can vary greatly." Severus paused for a moment as he watched her. "Do you feel comfortable allowing him in your mind?"
She frowned. "Yes? I mean, I let him into my mind in the spring. Nothing has changed."
"Many things have changed since the spring," he said, seeming to wait for her response.
"My mind hasn't changed. I looked around the other day and everything seemed as it was." That was mostly the truth. She hadn't gone down to check on her manifestation, mostly because she didn't like seeing her, but the main room of the cathedral and her memory rooms on that level all looked the same as the last time she'd seen them.
"You are allowed to deny access to your mind to anyone that you don't want in there. I do not want you to feel that you must do this." He looked entirely serious.
Rachel adjusted her pillows so that she had something to lean against while they talked. "I want these visions to stop. I can't keep seeing things like that. It's…it's too much. If the only way to stop them is to let Professor Dumbledore have access to my mind, then that's what I'm going to do. You trust Professor Dumbledore, don't you?"
Severus' mouth went flat. "That is a very complicated question. I trust him with some things more than I trust him with others."
She hadn't expected that answer. "Like what?"
"I trust Albus as a war master. He is well prepared to lead the Order, to lead his faction of the Wizengmaot, and to devise the strategies necessary for us to win this war. I have no doubt in my mind that Albus will do whatever is necessary to defeat the Dark Lord," he said.
It seemed like there was more to it. "But?" she prompted.
"But I don't trust him to see the individual pieces in the war. I know that he cares about people, I've seen it myself. Sturgis' death was hard on him. I saw him in the last war and the toll it was taking on him to be responsible for so many. I would never say that Albus is uncaring or unfeeling. But, as I said, he will do whatever it takes to win this war and that includes sending people into dangerous and deadly situations. It will require sacrifices. I will not allow you to become one of those sacrifices."
Rachel bit her lip rather than pointing out that she was going to be one of those sacrifices whether he liked it or not. Special secret power or not, the Dark Lord was going to kill her. Hopefully someone would be in place soon after to kill the Dark Lord.
"I am not trying to bias you against Albus. Nor am I saying that you shouldn't trust him or allow him into your mind. I'm saying my task, my duty, is to protect you. And I will do so, even if I am protecting you from Albus," he said, nodding slightly.
She really hoped it didn't come to that. Severus was a powerful wizard, but she didn't think he could stand against Professor Dumbledore. "I still think our best chance of figuring out how to block the visions is to let Professor Dumbledore see the hole in my shield."
"That is probably true. But it is your decision to make. And you can make that decision each time. It's okay to say no to him." He looked at her expectantly.
She nodded. "Okay." She didn't think many people said 'no' to Professor Dumbledore.
"Do you still wish to try this potion?" he asked.
"Yes, that's fine. We should put something under me so I don't get blood everywhere," she said. "Here, I'll take my bracelet off and we can start on my right arm."
"We're only going to do one for now, I'd like for you to judge how painful it is and for us to see the end result before we proceed with the treatment." He pulled out his wand and cast a spell at his right hand.
Rachel jolted. "That felt like a spark of electricity, what was that?"
"A spell to protect my hand so that this potion does not get on my skin, it's rather caustic. After brewing it I can see why it's not in general use. Its purpose seems to be removing the cursed tissue entirely and then allowing the wound to heal normally," he explained.
That did sound like it would be painful.
Severus conjured a thick white towel, which he placed over Rachel's lap. "Any time that you want to stop, just say so. Can you twist your arm slightly so I can better see the scar?"
She wound up holding up her arm over the towel and watched as Severus carefully applied a thick layer of the paste.
"What does that feel like?" he asked.
"Hot," she said, getting the feeling that it was going to be approaching a burning sensation very soon. Sure enough, it began to feel like she was holding her arm over an open flame, or pressing it against the rim of her cauldron. She took a slow breath. "Just until it starts to bleed, right?"
"Yes. The instructions estimated seven minutes, but we can stop sooner if you need to," he said.
Seven minutes. She could last for seven minutes. And then do it again forty more times to deal with the rest of her wounds and scars. "Do you think this would work on the scar on my forehead?"
"Given that the scar on your forehead is already thin, and is also reactive to your connection to the Dark Lord, I don't think so, nor am I willing to attempt it," he said firmly.
She nodded and exhaled through her nose. It did hurt, but she'd definitely been through worse. She frowned as she tried to categorize it. It hurt worse than using the blood quill, but not as bad as the Cruciatus curse. It hurt worse than burning herself on the stove, but not as bad as when her aunt had forced her to swallow cleaning fluid.
She'd be fine.
"How are you doing? It's been four minutes, you're more than halfway there," he said, checking his own watch.
"Fine. It's painful, but not terrible," she said, trying to keep her voice from wavering.
"Is it staying at the same pain level or is it growing worse?" he asked.
"Staying at the same level," she said after thinking about it for a moment. She exhaled again. She could do this. Not a problem. The other potion was definitely worse. She'd choose this for seven minutes a day over the other potion leaving her nauseated for hours. At least she knew she only had to take the other potion for three months. And she could stop using this potion when all of her wounds were treated.
They watched as a drop of blood dripped down onto the towel.
"There we go, I'm going to vanish this now," he said, pointing his wand at her arm.
The Vanishing spell felt like a blast of cold and blood began running down her arm immediately. She pressed it against the towel, trying to prevent the blood from getting everywhere.
"Now the Healing Salve, and a bandage, and we'll check it again this time tomorrow," Severus said, gently lifting her arm and applying the Healing Salve.
"Conjuring doesn't feel like anything," she said, watching as he conjured the bandage around her arm. "I didn't feel anything when you conjured the towel either."
"Interesting. Shall we see if you feel other types of transfigurations?" he asked.
"Sure." She was curious, and while her arm was now a little bit painful, it was nothing like it had been a few moments ago. She watched as he transfigured her water glass into a small bird. "That didn't feel like anything either."
He quickly reversed the transfiguration. "What about vanishing?" He vanished the bloody towel.
"I felt that," she said. "That felt cold, but it was quick. The privacy ward is cold, but the feeling lasts longer."
"Very curious. I'm not sure what to make of that," he said.
"It is odd that I can only feel one of the branches of transfiguration. You'd think it would be all of them or none of them. Maybe I should tell Professor McGonagall." She began scooting herself down her bed and toward her chair. She wanted to be downstairs when Professor Dumbledore arrived.
"You can, if you'd like to, though I suggest that you may wish to be circumspect with who you provide that information to," Severus said.
"Why? Is there a way that it can be used against me?" she asked, carefully leveraging herself into her chair. She'd learned the trick of distributing her weight so that she was pivoting on her legs. That made her less likely to fall in the process.
"I'm not sure how it would be used against you, but I imagine you don't wish to see an article in the Daily Prophet about your newfound ability and your recovery either," he said as he gathered the jars of potions and stood.
"That's true." She wouldn't put it past them. "Professor McGonagall wouldn't tell anyone if I asked her not to, would she?"
"No, I don't believe she would, and I'm sure she would find the information interesting. I'm sure Filius would also be interested in knowing how the different charms and spells he teaches feel. But it is your choice if you'd like to tell them."
"I'll think about it," she said, taking the book she'd been reading from her desk, and then using her wand to navigate her chair out of the room. She still didn't like going down the stairs in the chair, but she'd gotten used to it and felt fairly confident that she wouldn't fall. She parked the chair next to the sofa and eased herself onto it.
"How about food?" Severus asked, having followed her down the stairs.
"After we see Professor Dumbledore." She was not looking forward to attempting to eat. She hadn't had much of an appetite before this and now she definitely didn't have one.
A knock on the door made her jump slightly. "He's a bit early."
"He is," Severus said. He went to the door and opened it slightly.
"The phoenix flies," came Professor Dumbledore's voice.
"And so does it sing," Severus said, completing the passphrase and opening the door. "We need to change that one, we've been using it for nearly a month.
"I will at our next meeting," Professor Dumbledore said.
"Perhaps something less maudlin next time," Severus said, closing the door. "Would you like tea?"
"I prefer inspirational and thematic to maudlin. And yes, tea would be fine. How are you, Rachel?" Professor Dumbledore asked, walking in her direction.
"Not bad. How are you, Professor Dumbledore?"
"Well enough," he said. "Do you mind if I sit next to you?"
"That's fine." She quickly dragged her blankets out of the way. Severus had taught her to conjure her own blankets and now, when she couldn't reach one, she simply conjured a new one.
"You must get terribly chilled." he said, his gaze on the blankets.
"A little bit. I usually run towards cold anyway," she said, even though it was true that she had been more chilled this summer than at just about any point in her life.
Professor Dumbledore nodded. "Are you still amenable to me seeing the hole in your shield today?"
"Yes, that's fine." That was why he had come, after all.
"Would you prefer tea first?" he asked.
"No, we can do it now. If you want to, I mean," she said, quickly adding the last part.
"Now is fine with me, unless you'd prefer Severus to be present."
"No, it's okay. He knows we're doing this. Now is fine. If you wait just outside my shield, you'll see it open and you can come in," she said, looking into his blue eyes.
She took a slow breath and then closed her eyes and reached for her doors. When she opened her eyes, she found herself in her cathedral with her hand resting on the rough surface of the door. She pushed against it, to allow Professor Dumbledore inside, and it opened slowly.
Professor Dumbledore appeared, taking a quick look around the room before looking back at her. "Have you noticed any changes in the appearance of your mental architecture?"
"No, everything is just the same as it was in the spring. Should it have changed?" she asked, letting the door fall shut.
"In most people, I would say no, but given that your mental architecture was formed without your conscious intent, I wondered if perhaps it would change with you. When you are ready, I would like to see the hole in your shield," he said.
"This way." She didn't see any reason to drag this out. She led him down the aisle between the pews, through the door to the left, down the hallway, down the staircase, and to the hallway to the left again. The door to her cupboard was most of the way open. "Ready when you are. I suggest not reaching for her if you can help it."
"I understand, I will do my best to appear non-threatening," Professor Dumbledore said.
Rachel led the way down to her cupboard and peered inside. "That is different."
"What is?"
"That blanket. I made that and gave it to her in the spring. It's the only thing I've made in my mind that has stayed for more than an hour," she said, looking at the pink blanket the manifestation was holding against her.
"Curious," Professor Dumbledore said. He knelt down. "I have no wish to harm you, I only wish to examine what lies beyond."
Rachel watched as Professor Dumbledore slowly extended his right hand, still keeping out of reach of her manifestation. Her manifestation was watching Professor Dumbledore warily, but she wasn't reacting yet.
The minutes seemed to pass slowly, but she didn't want to interrupt his concentration to ask what he was doing.
Finally Professor Dumbledore lowered his hand and carefully pushed himself back to his feet.
"What happened?" she asked.
"We should discuss what I've discovered. I trust you are willing for Severus to hear this conversation?" he asked.
"Yes, that's fine," she said. It made no sense to keep whatever this was from Severus.
"Then I will meet you back in the sitting room," Professor Dumbledore said. A moment later he vanished.
Rachel looked at her manifestation. "See, that wasn't so bad."
Her manifestation just stared back at her, looking utterly pathetic.
Rachel shook her head. She didn't want to be here. She squeezed her eyes closed and focused on reopening them in the sitting room.
Severus was now sitting in his armchair and there was a tea tray on the low table.
"The good news is that there is no hole in Rachel's shield," Professor Dumbledore said.
Rachel immediately had questions, but she forced herself to wait.
"And the bad news?" Severus asked.
"Voldemort has made some sort of connection to her mind beneath her shield. It's not like anything I've ever seen before," he said.
"Does that mean there isn't anything that can be done about it?" Rachel asked.
"I will need to do more research. I have some contacts who are masters of mind magic in the eastern fashion. I will see what I can discover, but at this time, I have no theories as to how we should approach this," Professor Dumbledore said.
"More information is better than less, and at least now we know the issue is not with the shield itself, so she should be protected from other legilimency attacks," Severus said. "Tea, Rachel?"
"No, thank you." She didn't like the idea of having the Dark Lord in her mind. Not at all. At the moment though, there didn't seem to be anything she could do about it.
Rachel gritted her teeth. They had finished all of the wounds on her arms, and most of the wounds on her calves, and they were now doing the deep wound that wrapped around her left calf. It hurt. A lot.
"Slow steady breaths," Severus coached. "It's been three minutes."
She forced herself to take a breath through her nose. "I'm fine," she managed to say.
"I wish you would not tell me that you're fine when you are clearly not fine," Severus said.
Rolling her eyes, she tried to keep herself from moving too much. "When I say I'm fine, I mean that there's nothing you need to do about the situation," she said, taking a shaky breath afterward.
"Which is not the same thing as being fine. You are allowed to say that you are in pain, or that you're sad or angry, or anything else. When you tell people that you are fine when you are not, it means they have to guess about what your emotional state is, and they could be wrong about that and then react in a way that isn't helpful for you or for them," he said.
She tightened her grip on her pillow bunny, both frustrated and in pain. "My emotional state isn't anyone's business."
He raised an eyebrow at her. "Do you not care when one of your friends is sad or in pain? Do you not want to help them feel better, either by changing their situation or by comforting them?"
"Yes," she admitted.
"Then why should they not feel the same for you? Do you think I don't care if you are in pain or if you're struggling?" he asked.
"Do we have to do this right now?" she asked.
"No, we don't. But perhaps it's something you'd like to bring up with Torey. You have about two minutes left."
Rachel didn't want to bring it up with Torey because she knew exactly what Torey would tell her. It was the usual 'you didn't have someone to care about you while you were a child and so you're used to keeping your emotions hidden and not expecting people to help, but you can learn to share your emotions and accept kindness from others'. Knowing that didn't help. It didn't change how she felt. She didn't want other people to fuss over her. She wanted them to act like everything was fine until she got herself back together.
"Is the pain worse on this one than on the others?" Severus asked.
"I don't know." It was hard to compare day to day. It felt worse, but she wasn't sure if she was just imagining that. "Can we take a break for a day or two before we start on the ones on my thighs and torso?"
"Yes, of course. As long as you need. I presume you would prefer Poppy to assist with those wounds?"
"Yes." She paused. "I don't mean any offense-"
"I know. Rachel, it's perfectly understandable that you would prefer a woman and a Healer to be the one to see you in a state of undress. I imagine most young women, if not all, would feel that way," he said.
"I don't even particularly like anyone seeing me undressed, but I know it's necessary."
"Also understandable. I feel the same way myself. And hopefully this should be the last of it and then you'll be done. I can see the blood rising through the paste, I'm going to vanish now, try to remain still," he said, standing and moving further down the bed.
Rachel remained laying down. She didn't need to watch the blood pouring from her limbs, she'd seen it enough over the past week. She shivered at the vanishing spell and grimaced as she felt the blood running down her leg. The Healing Salve actually felt good, even if Severus touching her wound to put the Healing Salve on did not. She felt the conjured bandage settle in place.
"There. We'll change that bandage tomorrow, but this wound might still take several days to heal. We'll try murtlap essence again once it is not bleeding freely. How is the pain?" he asked, pausing to vanish the towel from beneath her leg.
"Much better, thank you." She gave her pillow bunny one last squeeze and set it aside before she sat up.
"Would you like something to eat?"
"I need a break first. Please." She was really tired of him pushing her to eat. At least at Hogwarts she would be able to eat as she pleased without someone hovering over her shoulder.
"I'll check back in with you in an hour then. Is there anything you need?" he asked as he collected the potion jars from her bedside table.
"No, I'm good." Mostly she just wanted some space. Maybe she'd take her chair outside for a while.
"Alright, I'll be in the cellar if you need me," he said as he left.
Rachel shook her head and gently leveraged herself into her chair, being careful not to bump her leg. She was already noticing improvements from the replacement Nerve Tonic potion. She still couldn't stand without holding onto something, but her legs were growing steadier. Moving to and from the chair was becoming much easier.
She guided her chair over to her desk, intent on checking her two-way book and then looking over the first part of her potions' essay. She'd decided to write about the difficulties she'd learned about with ingredient substitution and about paired substitutes and why they were advantageous but not always feasible.
Opening her two-way book, she flipped through the pages until she found the most recent message. It was in Neville's handwriting and it just said 'Is anyone around?'.
'I'm here, Neville. Are you still here?' she wrote, knowing it couldn't have been more than an hour since he'd left that message. She couldn't help but feel a little nervous. She knew he would have used the message jewelry if it was a real emergency, but it wasn't like Neville to leave a message like that either.
'I'm here,' Neville wrote back.
Rachel waited for him to write more, but when he didn't, she picked up her quill again. 'Is everything alright?'
'We just had the Abbotts over. My Gran signed a marriage contact with Hannah's father for me and Hannah,' Neville wrote after a long pause.
She stared at the words, trying to make them make sense.
'It's better for the Abbotts than it is for us, they'd be marrying into a Wizengamot seat. But the Abbotts are fairly well off and my Gran felt it was a good match,' Neville continued.
'I'm sorry this is happening. We will find a way to do something about this. There has to be a way to do something to prevent this, I know Theo was looking into it last summer in case he needed it. Is it okay if I ask Severus to help us?' she wrote, trying to aim for reassuring and helpful.
'Not yet, please. I need more time first. And I don't think it would be a good idea for Professor Snape to come talk to my Gran about this,' Neville wrote.
'Okay. Take as much time as you need. We will figure something out. Do you know how Hannah feels about this?' she asked, figuring that this was going to be easier to handle if Hannah didn't actually want to marry Neville.
'I don't know. She didn't say anything while the Abbotts were here. She didn't really look at me.'
Rachel frowned down at the book. While she felt anyone should be upset to be placed into a marriage contract, she knew that some people didn't feel that way. Pansy and Draco had both seemed like they thought it was pretty normal. 'That's something we might want to figure out at some point, but you still have time. I assume the marriage isn't until you've finished at Hogwarts?' If it was sooner than that, they were going to have to act accordingly.
'They're planning the wedding for the summer of 98, right after we finish at Hogwarts,' Neville wrote back, the words a little shaky.
'Okay. We have time then. We have time to do something about this. We will do anything to help you,' she wrote, knowing that their friends would feel the same way.
'Thanks. It still feels a little unreal, I guess. My Gran knows I'm not happy about this, so she's giving me some space. I can't wait to go back to Hogwarts,' he wrote.
'Soon, we'll be back soon. Less than a month now,' she wrote, trying to reassure him. She would wait a week or so and then ask again if she could tell Severus. She was sure he would have some ideas of what they could do to stop this from happening.
Less than a month. That wasn't much time. She was almost finished with her homework, so that wasn't a concern. And now her scars wouldn't be too noticeable, the ones on her arms and calves were now lines that were less than a fourth of an inch thick. They were slowly turning from red to white, so they should be better by the time she went back to Hogwarts. And hopefully she'd be standing and walking just fine by that point too. And flying. She wanted to be up in the air very badly. She hadn't been this long without flying since the summer between her first and second year.
Not too long, and then they could really meet and try to figure out how to help Neville.
Severus finished helping Rachel to the armchair in Black's sitting room. She could now walk with a great deal of support, even though she still couldn't quite stand on her own. Even so, it was a marked improvement from even a week ago.
Black's House Elf appeared by Rachel's side and quickly covered her in a blanket. "Kreacher brings tea for Miss." He promptly disappeared again.
"Do not eat or drink anything he gives you without checking it for poison first," Severus instructed. He did not trust the House Elf in the slightest and he was not pleased that it had become fixated on Rachel. "You recall the spells?"
"Yes, I remember them. I really don't think he's going to poison me," she said as she smoothed the quilt on her lap.
"Check regardless. Are you alright here?" he asked, wishing to leave before he had to have a conversation with Black and Lupin.
"Yes, I'm fine. I'm sure Sirius and Remus will be in soon. You're going to check on Draco?"
"That was my plan, yes. Would you like me to tell him that you're here?"
"Yes, please. Though, if he doesn't want to come say hi, let him know that's alright too. I don't want to put pressure on him," she said, looking at him as though it was a perfectly normal thing to say.
"I will let him know. I will be in the house if you need me." He left the room while puzzling over that. Rachel and Draco's relationship was not straightforward. He felt reasonably certain that neither of them had romantic intentions toward each other. Draco seemed committed to Pansy, and Severus had yet to learn who, if anyone, had caught Rachel's affections. Yet their relationship didn't seem to fit comfortably in the confines of friendship either.
Draco had cited Rachel's regard for his well being as the reason for his defection from his family, among other issues, but more importantly, he had risked his own life to save Rachel's. Severus hadn't made a lot of fuss over it at the time, he was more focused on rescuing Rachel. But now it struck him as curious. Most people wouldn't do that unless the person was a family member or romantic partner.
It was a mystery he could solve as he understood Draco better. Draco clearly needed an adult mentor. Someone to guide him these next few years and keep him well away from the Death Eaters. Obviously Black wasn't up to the task, Severus didn't want to consider what the man might teach him. While he needed to keep a certain distance in appearances in order to not increase Draco being targeted, he could mentor him under the guise of Draco's prefect duties.
He finished climbing the staircase and came to Draco's bedroom door. He knocked and then waited, expecting that he would need to go to Black's library in order to find Draco.
The door opened slightly and then further. "Professor Snape?" Draco looked confused by his presence.
"I brought Rachel to visit with her godfather and I wished to speak with you," Severus said.
Draco hesitated, but finally opened the door wider and stepped back. "Please come in."
At least Draco had recovered his manners and was no longer sulking. Severus stepped inside and took a quick glance over the adolescent mess before choosing an armchair that was at least free of clutter.
Draco closed the door and then took an uneasy perch on the side of his unmade bed.
"How have you been?" Severus asked when it became clear he would have to speak first.
He shrugged. "Well, I suppose. I've eaten more muggle take away than anyone should ever consume. Have you ever heard of pizza?"
"Yes. I have eaten pizza once," Severus admitted. "Do you need me to instruct Black to go to the grocers so that you are adequately fed?"
"No. There's food. It's just not the type of food I'm used to. Some of it isn't bad. The pizza was pretty bad though."
"Are you keeping yourself occupied?" Severus asked.
"Yes. I still want to fly. But the library is at least interesting and I've been brewing a few times a week," Draco said with another shrug. "I've been helping with the attic a little, but that's kind of boring."
"What potions are you brewing?" He was curious if Draco would lie to him directly.
"Just a few things that we don't really get the chance to brew in class."
"Such as?" Severus prompted.
"A few poisons. I was going to do Veritaserum, but it takes twenty eight days, so I guess that's why we don't do it in class," Draco said.
"That and possession of Veritaserum will result in expulsion, as will possession of most poisons. What are you planning to do with them?" He kept his voice carefully neutral. And here he'd thought Draco had been brewing Dreamless Sleep and Calming Draughts.
"Well, if I can't use them, I thought the Order might be able to. I didn't want to leave them lying around down there in case someone drank it thinking it was a Pain Relieving potion or something." Draco shrugged again, the repetition suggesting he was more nervous than his tone or expression revealed.
"In general we don't poison people," Severus said, deciding that he would be taking the poisons from Draco at the earliest opportunity.
"Why not?" Draco asked.
"Because it's an inefficient means of achieving our goals. Poisons are reserved for hidden targets, ones that can't be reached by other means." And most of the Order members didn't have the stomach for murder. Killing in battle was one thing, poisoning someone's drink was another beast entirely.
"The Order is going to kill Death Eaters, isn't it?" he asked.
"Yes, there will be casualties on both sides. Right now the Wizengamot has not given special dispensation for aurors and the MLE patrol to use the Killing Curse in battle, but that will come as people die." Severus thought that Draco would prefer the blunt truth from him.
"Professor Dumbledore will actually vote for that?" Draco asked.
"Yes, he will. I assure you, Professor Dumbledore understands war. He is well suited to this task. Some people in the Order are still learning, but they will learn quickly." It was either learn quickly or die. Sometimes both.
"How did he defeat Grindelwald? Everyone says it was the greatest duel ever. But they don't say how he did it."
"I don't rightfully know. He has never discussed it with me." Severus had never asked. Albus always gained a rather distant look whenever anyone talked about the global wizarding war. It was a look Severus recognized from the mirror in the days right after the first war with the Dark Lord.
"Do you think this war can actually be won?" Draco pressed.
"Yes, I do. It will likely have a great toll, but I believe the war can be won. What do you believe?"
Draco was silent for a long moment, his expression shifting fluidly as he thought. "I don't know. Why did you become a Death Eater?"
Severus felt himself stiffen slightly. "Because I mistakenly believed that power could be gained by taking it from others and by hurting other people. And the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord helped me when no one else would."
"That's it?"
"What more were you looking for?" Severus asked, trying to remain neutral. It was understandable that Draco had these questions and that he was trying to evaluate the life he had traded when he'd decided to rescue Rachel.
"That you believed in what they were doing. That you wanted to stop the muggleborns. That you wanted to make things right," Draco insisted.
"Stop the muggleborns from doing what?" Severus asked patiently. Draco had a lot of prejudice to unlearn, they might as well start here.
"From changing things. They think they're better than we are. They want to take over. But you never believed that, did you?"
"No, I didn't. For me, becoming a Death Eater was about my own selfish gains. You'll find that a number of Death Eaters joined for similar reasons. As you already know, I'm a half-blood," he said, pausing to check if Draco had known that.
"My father told me, just before I started at Hogwarts. He believed in you," Draco said, his tone slightly petulant.
"He believed he could use me. I was useful to him, and to the Dark Lord, therefore I was valuable. I grew up mostly in the muggle world. My father was a muggle. My best friend was a muggleborn. And, I will remind you, Rachel is a half-blood with a muggleborn mother, and she grew up in the muggle world."
"Then why did the Dark Lord let you become a Death Eater?" Draco asked.
"Because I was becoming a magically powerful wizard in my own right and I was useful. And now, I will tell you this. The Dark Lord is a half-blood who grew up in the muggle world. And your parents both know that."
Draco stared. "I don't understand," he finally said.
"The Dark Lord's birth name is Tom Marvolo Riddle. His father was a muggle. His mother was a witch of the Gaunt line. She died in childbirth and the Dark Lord was raised in a muggle orphanage in the twenties and thirties. He didn't know he was magical until Professor Dumbledore brought him his Hogwarts letter." Severus could remember his own feelings when he was told this by Albus, shortly after his defection. There was a certain vindication that the Dark Lord's circumstances had been as humble as his own. He was certain Draco was having very different feelings.
"Then why…"
"Why does he espouse pureblood propaganda? Because even then it was mostly purebloods in power, and more than anything, the Dark Lord wanted to be powerful. He also hated muggles. He targeted muggleborns because it was popular and because of their associations with muggles, but he also was a big part of why anti-muggle sentiment rose during the 60s and 70s."
Draco sat quietly.
"There is nothing wrong with muggleborns or half-bloods. They are witches and wizards like everyone else. They just have a different perspective than you. Muggleborns are not trying to take over or change our culture. They bring new innovations that help our culture. You've ridden the lifts in the Ministry?"
Draco nodded.
"Lifts are a muggle invention that a muggleborn adapted for magical use. The Wizarding Wireless is based on the muggle radio. You've spent five years with your classmates. In your experiences, have you seen that muggleborns are worse witches and wizards than purebloods?" he pressed, knowing there was only so far he could go right now.
"I don't know," Draco said, looking away.
Severus nodded, recognizing they'd reached the limit of what Draco could think about at one time. "Observe your classmates this coming year. Make your own observations rather than relying on what other people tell you."
"Does that include what you tell me?" he asked.
"Yes. Do your own research. Find out what you believe for yourself. You are old enough to question what you have been told and you are old enough to find answers for yourself. Ask me questions, but also find your own information."
Draco nodded slowly.
"There is another thing I wanted to speak to you about," Severus said, sensing that Draco was ready for the topic to change.
"What's that?"
"I have a topical potion that can reduce the scar on your back until it's less than a fourth of an inch thick, and it should reduce any residual pain in the area. However, the treatment is painful and it reopens the wound. You will likely have to spend a few days with Healing Salve and bandages." He had brought a jar of the paste with him in case Draco decided he wanted to try it.
"A few days or a few weeks?" Draco asked.
"A few days. The deepest of Rachel's wounds took three days in bandages after we used this."
"Why didn't Madam Pomfrey offer me this while I was healing?"
"Because we were only given the potion recently," Severus said, hoping that Draco understood they wouldn't leave him healing for weeks when they could have accomplished the same thing in a few days.
Draco's mouth twisted slightly as he thought. "Because Rachel had to see a special Healer, so they gave you a new potion for her, but it might work for me too. Is Rachel not going to get better?"
"Rachel is improving steadily with our new treatments."
"Good. She's here today?" he asked.
"Yes, she's downstairs with her godfather. She says that if you'd like to come say hello, that she'd like that," he said, paraphrasing her message.
Draco nodded. "I'll do that. When can we do the treatment on my scar?"
"Whenever you'd like. I have the potion with me if you want to do it now, or we can wait and do it when you're prepared," Severus said. "The process will take about ten minutes."
"Now. I want this scar gone. I can feel it when I move my body. What do I need to do?" Draco asked.
"I'll have you remove your robe, lie face down, and then pull up your shirt. I'll apply the paste to your scar and it will need to remain there for about seven minutes. Rachel indicates that it is a hot and painful sensation. After your wound starts to bleed, I will vanish the paste, apply Healing Salve, and then rebandage your wound," Severus explained, pulling the jars out of his robe pockets.
"Alright," Draco said, shrugging off his robe.
"Let me put a towel down on your bedding, the wounds tend to bleed rather profusely." Severus moved to the bed and conjured a large towel for Draco to lie across. "Go ahead and lie down."
Draco did as he was instructed, pulling up his shirt without Severus needing to ask.
The thick scar was a livid red and was nearly an inch wide. It covered Draco's lower back from side to side. Severus conjured another towel and tucked it into the waist of Draco's trousers. He cast the protection spell on his hand and then spread the paste across the scar. He then used a spell to sanitize his hand and ended the protection spell.
Draco jolted suddenly "Merlin!"
"Remember, we can stop at any time," Severus said, checking his watch.
Draco continued to shift on the bed. "You didn't say it would feel like burning!"
"I didn't realize," he said. Rachel had never described it that way to him.
"I feel like someone has pressed a hot fire poker to my back! Who the hell invented this potion?"
"A specialist in curse damage. The potion is removing the cursed tissue. Do you wish to stop?" Severus asked, frowning. Rachel had definitely not described it that way. He did not know if it was because the causes of their wounds were different, but he suspected she simply hadn't wished to tell him.
"No. I can take it," Draco said, moving so that his hands were now pressed against his head.
Severus watched, feeling both frustrated and guilty. He should have realized that Rachel would not tell him how painful the potion was. He should have been timing it so that she was taking the Pain Reliever potion right before they treated her scars. If he had realized how bad it was, he would have given Draco a Pain Reliever potion first as well.
"How long?" Draco gasped.
He checked his watch. "Four minutes have gone by. You're over halfway done."
Draco grunted in response.
Severus wondered if he should say something to Rachel. He wondered how he could do that without sounding like he was accusing her of lying to him. And he actually understood. He generally didn't like to tell people when he was suffering either. But he wanted better for Rachel.
"How long now?" Draco asked again.
"Six minutes, almost there," Severus said, readying his wand for the first sign of blood.
Draco had stopped struggling, but there was a fine sheen of sweat on his exposed back.
Finally blood began to run from beneath the paste. Severus quickly vanished the paste from Draco's skin and watched as blood immediately welled up and started running over his back. He applied the Healing Salve as evenly as he could and then conjured a tight bandage around Draco's lower back. Then he vanished the bloody towels. "All finished. You can move now."
Draco pushed himself up and straightened his shirt. "I didn't realize that Healers actually like torturing people."
"There is a muggle saying I heard once, that the cure is worse than the disease. While that is probably true far more often in muggle medicine than it is magical Healing, sometimes it does apply," Severus said, pocketing the potion jars.
"Well, if it means the scar is gone, it was worth it. I would hate for Pansy to see it," Draco said.
And that was officially more information than Severus wanted about the love lives of his students.
"I can't imagine doing that more than once, how does Rachel stand it?" Draco continued, getting up and putting his robe back on.
"She manages," Severus said. "Will you be going to see her?"
"Yes. I just need a minute," he said, sitting back down.
"Understandable. I expect you to give me any poisons you have brewed before you return to Hogwarts," he said, watching Draco.
"Yes, sir," Draco said, clearly understanding that he was now speaking to his professor.
"Let me know if there's anything you need or if there is a problem with Black."
"Thanks," Draco said, his mouth twisting again.
Severus shook his head and let himself out of Draco's room. Teenagers were going to be the death of him.
