A/N: I just want to thank you all so much for being supportive! Especially Crystal-Wolf-Guardian-967 and The Way She Walks for commenting on the last chapter! Your comments and likes on my work are just so encouraging and it really does make me excited to write more of Saff's story! Hope you enjoy the first episode of the next season! xo
Chapter 64:
Cobberley, Northern England.
Saffron was sitting cross-legged on a battered sofa that used to be yellow. But it was now dusty and a dull colour she couldn't describe. Beanbags were in the corner, the tiny tv that she had been so excited to get when she was a kid was long since broken. Her mother's wonky (by design) pottery was displayed along several surfaces and her well-crafted paintings were hung around the room. They were now old and damaged by damp. The once vibrant colours now a shadow of themselves. Her mother would have hated to see her creations in such a sorry state, she could see her expression now. It would be the same one that the spirit of her mother had given her when she had found her drinking in the wreck of her old high school. This was one moment she hoped her parents weren't watching over her, she didn't want them to see how she had allowed their happy family home to decay. It was the only thing she had been left after her Grandmother had taken her 'compensation', but she had never had the heart to sell it on.
She could smell the faint aroma of incense if she really concentrated that must have permeated through the furniture over time because of how much her mother used to use them. The chair she was curled up on reminded her of the sofa Spike had brought for them from the dump. Everything reminded her of him. She hadn't seen or heard anything about him for months. It was killing her. How could she have been so cruel? She never even gave him a chance to explain.
Saffron and Spike were on the beach. It was the middle of the night and Spike had insisted on starting a fire without using a lighter, proving his manliness which made Saff tease him. He managed after twenty minutes of swearing and insisting he didn't need any help from Saff. He sat back down next to her, wrapping an arm around her with a smug smirk. It was the middle of the night and they were on a rare date while Saff had a night off and there was no headaches or monsters in their way.
Spike knew Saff loved the beach and it was nice to be here, the last time Spike had been here she had been dead. He preferred this time much better. She giggled, as he whispered in her ear. They were sat in the sand, his hand cradling her back through the leather duster he had draped over her shoulder.
He pressed the softest kisses against the side of her neck, grazing against her pulse point as his palm caressed her cheek. She was freezing cold as the fire hadn't yet warmed her but she was beaming because she was by his side. She took his hand in hers and squeezed the way they usually would for comfort.
"Lunch?" He offered with that smile that told her he had something planned.
"It's half two… in the morning"
"Dinner then?" He grinned, pulling out two identical flasks and taking a swig of each to check which was the right one. He handed Saff a flask and she took a tentative sip but smiled when she realised that it was tomato soup.
They stared at the lapping waves, enjoying the warmth of the fire as Saff huddled into his side again, holding him close.
"I love this, having you all to myself…"
She turned around, the smile dropping from her face as she turned back to him. He was below her, crouched on the floor now, the horror in his eye evident as her mouth moved, "-soulless monster!" She finished as he got up, stalking off with tears in his eyes.
She sighed audibly as she shook herself from the distorted memory. She was shuffling her tarot cards, knowing there would be nothing new from them. It was always the same card at the moment, with the same message.
It was late afternoon now, another long day filled with nothing. She could feel that Willow was crying in the bathroom. Again. Saff peeled her legs from under her and padded a few paces to the locked door and knocked as loud as she could. She heard a sniff, then a hiccup as Willow rushed to clean up her face before moving to unlock the door for her to enter. She creaked the door, peering inside.
"Will, babe, are you okay?"
"Just a little with the homesickness"
"Me too, but it's not like you can slay an ideology in one night…"
"You are home, Saffy!"
"This isn't home to me, Will. Hasn't been for years. It's as strange to me as it is to you. It's all high rise flats and strangely named gastropubs, not to mention the influx of white berets walking around the place" Saff replied levelly.
"Sorry" Will said, looking washed out and tired as Saff shook her head, not upset by her comment, "Must be hard… you lived here with them, right?" Willow asked quietly, not looking back up.
"Yeah and do you see me crying about it?" Saff snapped slightly. She knew she had to try to be tough. Being on the run was hard. Even harder with a recovering addict who never quite seems like she's in the room.
This wasn't to say that Saffron was finding her own recovery easy to handle. She had longed for alcohol, to get drunk, merely because the days were so long and unmoving, she was so bored. Getting drunk would at least be something different. She was also irritable in a way that only the cocktail of nicotine withdrawal paired with living with someone 24/7 could make you.
"I hear it" Willow muttered, as she picked up a hairbrush slowly and started to run it through her hair. Saff rolled her eyes, she hadn't been as quiet as she had thought. She had been crying herself to sleep. She wanted to see her family again, especially Spike. She took her shades off her eyes to look Willow in hers. It looked as if Willow's pupils had blown, she must have used magic recently (with the amount of magic items left laying around the house that her mother owned, she knew the temptation would be too much for Willow).
Saff's eyes were still a bright purple colour, something that hadn't left her since her defeat of Oleander the four months previous. She had tried colour contacts, but the colour always shined through them no matter what she tried. She instead opted to wear sunglasses when she had to see people out of the house. She moved to stop Willow's shaky hands from brushing her hair. Putting the comb slowly on the side.
"Do you miss her?"
"Do you miss him?"
"You can't reply to a question with a question! Let's just say yes, on three…" She smiled as Willow's mouth twitched slightly. She could feel that Willow was struggling. Her magic addiction had relapsed in a big way since she had helped her and this meant Saff was facing her own struggles trying to ground her.
"I thought this would be better, Will. Liverpool is a busy place, not that I wasn't grateful for Liv letting us hide out there" Saffron said, mentioning their recent stint in the city where Giles' scouse lover, Olivia, had harboured them without question. They had spent a month living out of her spare room as she continued her life as normal, going out at night, working the newsroom in the day. Saff was desperately trying to be strong the way she had watched Buffy be in a tough time, realising something as she spoke, "I guess this would be an obvious place for me to hide out. Maybe we should go somewhere else?"
"I'm tired of running Saff. I'm tired of being unable to control everything. We get one call a month from the others. It feels like they've forgotten us"
"Will, look. They're protecting us. If they have more nerds recruited they could track us through those calls. You know this better than I do. I know it's a lot to ask but would you mind doing the shop now? I can't show my face again, last time was a close call" Saffron asked, handing her some cash she had hidden under the floorboard that Giles had sent them via Olivia. They were running low on cash despite how frugal they had been and Saff realised this as she counted the remaining money. Willow nodded, taking the notes and silently walked off to get changed to leave the house.
Saffron started on her daily exercise, trying her best to train herself by piecing together what she had heard from Spike, Buffy and Giles over the years. Will left an hour after their conversation, and as soon as she closed the front door behind her, Saffron stopped what she was doing and walked quickly to the landline downstairs. They did need more supplies, but Saff had asked Will to leave for a reason. Saff picked up the landline that was attached to the kitchen wall and dialled the familiar number. It picked up after the third ring. As if this call was expected.
"G, it's me" She whispered, as if that would hide her identity from anyone listening in.
"Saffron? Is this wise? Are you safe?"
"I don't know what else I can do, Willow's in a bad way"
"She's been attacked?"
"We both have, but nothing serious and not for a while. Things seem to be dying out a little on our end and, well, super-strength is a blessing in disguise. No, it's the magics. She's not doing well, she shakes like she's in withdrawal and her hair – it's black. Like it was in the vision I had of her going all evil Willow"
"Right, well, are you in contact with any local covens?"
"I don't know any local covens, G. I'm trying to limit the flashing sign above my head that says, "The true sight lives here" and reaching out to covens in the area might just increase the voltage"
"Yes, well, I see your predicament. Have you had word from Buffy? She's been in contact with Angel, their team has been able to infiltrate the LA chapter of the Order, it, ah, appears to be winding down on their end also"
"Our scheduled call isn't for a week or two yet. Me and Will are starting to tear each other's hair out over here. We're cut off from everything. She's gone to the corner shop, that's why I'm telling you all of this"
"She needs to be taught to manage her power and her addiction"
"Easier said than done" she sighed wearily.
"You've, ah, managed from what I have heard" there was a pause before he continued, "Are you able to travel? I'm at my house"
"Thank God, I thought you'd never ask! See you tomorrow" Saff sighed with relief and, after making all the arrangements, put the phone down.
They waited until midnight. There hadn't been much to pack up, to say they had travelled light was an understatement. They had one bag between them, with only the bare essentials. Saffron had managed to 'borrow' a car and keys from the next door neighbours, knowing they shouldn't travel publicly or order a taxi. This was the only way and she vowed to herself to return the car somehow, firmly rejecting Willow's offer to teleport them both there.
Saffron had taken one family photo that was resting on the counter and a tapestry from her mother's room. Her mother had told her once that the image, which was of a moon and the sun, had protection woven into the fabric. She had barely been sleeping, but when she did her nightmares were still common. They appeared to get more violent each night. Her mum may have just said that to make her feel better as a child, that the house was protected, but she chose to believe her mother truly did have some sort of magic in there.
She left Willow with the bag in their newly acquired car as she walked inside. She hadn't stepped into her childhood bedroom since they had arrived a few weeks prior. She looked around at the room, punk posters were stuck in such a way that none of the wall could be seen. This had been to hide the pink wallpaper at the time, she had decided that was way too childish for her at 14, now though she wouldn't mind the princess room back as she grimaced at her younger self. She wished she had told her parents she loved them more. She wished that she had understood how much she appreciated them in the moment rather than it being more obvious now that they were gone. There were so many memories in the room, her eyes watered slightly as she noticed there were even some dusty books littered over the floor that she had read that summer. The summer before it all changed for her. The memories did hurt, but not as badly as when the wound was fresh. Being in the room made it so final, her leaving for good. Her last goodbye to her family home and maybe in some sense, her parents.
Maybe she should feel worse about this?
Saff shrugged, she had all the memories she needed she decided as she hauled up the gas can and started pouring the liquid across what had once been her bed, along the floor and on her old bookcase. She trailed the liquid into the landing and continued the same pattern through the other rooms upstairs.
She picked up the second gas can as she descended the stairs and walked herself through rooms filled with stories. She smiled at the scorch mark on the floor, one she remembered making in protest of how ugly the carpet was. She allowed herself to recall every second of them as she continued to pour the gasoline haphazardly as it became harder to look through her welling eyes.
The fumes were getting to her head and she stumbled to the front door, ready to get out of there. They had a long drive ahead. She was about to flick her lighter on but muttered, "Shit" under her breath.
Was she second-guessing herself? Was she really going to do this?
She walked around into the old kitchen to the stopcock where she remembered it was, from an incident where her dad had drilled through a pipe when she was thirteen and twisted it to turn off the water. Her super strength came in handy as she decided to rip the tap off the wall so nobody could turn it back on. A trick she had learnt from Spike. Just in case. She walked to the front door, taking one last look at the house as it was before kneeling to set the floor alight. The flames quickly engulfed the floor, licking at more of the house with every moment.
At least that carpet will never see the light of day, Saffron smiled fondly, walking to the driver's seat.
Willow clicked her fingers, a spell Saffron had let her do without argument. Because it meant survival. When the fire crews came, they would find two bodies and determine they were the two girls in the car. She texted "Housefire: 2 dead. Cobberley, Eng" to Olivia before launching that month's phone into the blaze. They had spoken about it and knew hers and Willow's death would be in the local newspaper's obituary by the next day's print. She thanked her lucky stars that the woman was so willing to help them.
She influenced Willow slightly as her eyes rolled back in her skull from her use of magic. Willow began to feel really sleepy. Despite her fighting Saff's influence at every turn, she eventually allowed herself to feel it. Saff didn't need the girl trying anything else or experiencing withdrawal whilst she was awake. Hopefully her now raven-haired friend would sleep most of the journey.
xoxoxo
Westbury, Southern England.
They arrived at Giles' country home in good time. Saff wasn't a legal driver, but Cleopatra was in case they were stopped. Saffron had no problem lying to the police. There were some close calls where Saffron, being used to living in America for so long, started driving on the wrong side of the road several times. However, they both managed to make it in one piece by ensuring they avoided busy roads where someone might recognise them.
Saff almost sobbed with relief when she saw his familiar face as he enveloped her in a warm hug.
"How have you been?"
"Took everything in me not to go to the offie and buy my water-weights worth in booze" Saffron said, aiming for humour but it came out as a blunt statement.
"But you didn't, and that is commendable. I'm pleased that you have stayed strong throughout all of this" Giles set a hand on Saff's shoulder. He was proud. She felt it and tears threatened to well in her eyes but she blinked them back.
"Your, ah, eyes… they're-" Giles, gestured towards her face as he noticed.
"Purple? Don't worry, they do have mirrors up north. It's grim but not that grim" She smiled, although he could tell the woman was exhausted. She had been regulating Willow's emotions the entire time that they were away.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"About the eyes? Nah, the purple doesn't hurt it's just the colour. Had a spirit guide type explain that it was my gift, which, I guess is better than a lump of coal. My guess is it's in case I want to get them lasers fired up again" She joked in theory, but there was only a faint smile on anyone's lips.
"I meant, um, perhaps more specifically if you required assistance with anything while you're here?"
"A full night's sleep would be nice… It's mostly Willow that needs the help. I've run out of ideas"
"She's in the right place, I can help. I just want to make sure that you are okay"
"Thank you"
"Ah, well-" Giles appeared bashful at her words.
"For y'know, everything. I know I can always rely on you. I love you, G" She stated clearly. She was neither embarrassed nor uncomfortable to reveal this. Her time spent away had taught her much about herself. Mostly that she cared so much about everyone and she noted that when she didn't verbalise any of this people weren't necessarily aware of it.
"I, ah, of course the- likewise, naturally" He sputtered at the revelation but Saffron knew he did too. "Well, we should perhaps all turn in"
Saff fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. There was a certain safety about sleeping in Giles' house. It was family. As much as she loved Willow, she felt responsible for her and had been on the run so there wasn't much time for relaxation. But staying here gave her a security she had been lacking for a long while.
Giles' house was big enough to have enough rooms between her own and Willow's which helped. She almost slept through the night, with limited nightmares which was really all she could ask for at this point in her life. After all she had gone through.
Giles had been up early, he had heard Willow throwing up in one of his bathrooms. He contacted a coven he was close to immediately and after speaking to the young witch, she agreed that she needed help.
After a week, the pair got used to living with Giles. Saffron had spent more time by herself, but they all ate an evening meal together each day. Giles was surprised at Saff's new routine, she woke up at a decent time and trained until she had to stop.
It was late morning and Saff was stood with a bucket in her hand and an apple in the other. The wind was up and it was biting at her exposed skin. She bit into the apple and held it in her mouth so that she could lean over the gate to unhook the latch. She was thinking about Willow and Giles, they were spending a lot of time outside trying to ground her friend.
Saffron didn't envy Willow one bit, she had her fill of being taught about her skills by Giles when she was younger. She wouldn't change it, but she wouldn't go through his unmoving disappointment act again. She much preferred being the favourite, the one that had actually appeared to work out in his eyes. At least for the moment.
She sighed, hauling the bucket that was filled with water into the trough so that the two horses that Giles kept could drink. She found it incredibly therapeutic and had taken it upon herself to begin to care for the animals. She visited them in their stable multiple times a day, she couldn't ride but she enjoyed their company. She patted the smallest one softly and whispered her greetings before letting him bite into the apple.
As she absentmindedly brushed her new friends, her mind began to wonder. As it always would. She felt older, not in years but from within. There was something growing inside her, ever since that final moment with Oleander. Taking a life. One that was supposedly so close to her own. It affected her. Not to mention, losing the love of her life. Not being able to find him. Contact him in any other way. She didn't even know if he had even seen the letter she wrote before she walked towards what she had thought would be her death.
She opened her eyes and turned to him, sensing his presence. Spike was lying on his side covered by a thin sheet. He had reached over to take her hair down from the tight ponytail she used to keep it in. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, throwing the hair ties across the room which earned him a fond eye roll.
Saff sighed with content, it was another rare and stolen moment between badness and nasties where they could just enjoy each other's company and not worry about anything else but adoring the other.
"Do you think I'll make it to 80?"
"Amount of bloody chances you've had at life you'll be a thousand before you croak, I wager"
"I'll be old and bedbound…"
"Won't be much different than now then…" He smirked, gesturing at their bodies. They had spent a lot of time getting to know each other again after their little argument the other week.
"But I…" She stopped herself, shaking her head. Vulnerability, at this point in life, was still something she found incredibly hard to face. Even with Spike.
"Go on, don't start gettin shy on me now, pet… don't suit you" He smiled, pressing a kiss to her naked shoulder as she shifted to face him properly.
"Won't it be sad? I'll die and get all old and you'll still be you…"
"I'm never gonna stop lovin' you. Sooner you get that in that pretty head of yours, the better"
"But…" she tried to discuss it. Would he lose interest? Would he prefer a vampire? Would he want her to be a vampire? She had thought about that a lot at the start of their relationship.
"I'm gonna eat you out 'til your 100th birthday, pet. And beyond if I have any say" The glint in his eye told her that he wanted to give her a preview of what she could expect for the next decades of her life. He licked his lips slowly, the devil in his eye doing things to her before his mouth could. He removed the sheet quickly, revealing the body he adored so deeply.
But as he started to lower himself, kissing his way down her body, she suddenly couldn't stop laughing at the idea of him committing to this on the morning of her 100th Birthday. The giggling was infectious as he smiled against the kiss he pressed against her hip.
The laughter she recalled had turned to tears. The memory slid from the forefront of her mind as she had slid to sit down on the floor of the stable against the wooden horsebox. Hysterical tears now flowing down her cheeks, she missed him so desperately. The pain worse than any death she had experienced. The horse nuzzled against her, feeling her pain and offering its comfort as she tried to pick herself back up again.
By the evening, Willow and Giles had returned to Saff cooking in Giles' kitchen. She told them to sit at the table that had been laid out for them. She served them the pasta dish and they both shared a look but happily tucked in and were beyond surprised to learn that it was edible.
Willow's day had been intense, neither of them wanted to speak about it but Saff could feel it. Both of them just wanted to sleep, it was why she had cooked. But before either of them could 'turn in', which Saff had annoyed herself to learn she had started to call it, they finally had their call to Buffy and the others.
"Hey, guys! It's so good to hear from you"
"We miss you! And so does Angie!" Dawn called in the background as Buffy told her to be quiet.
"You want the good news or the bad news?" Buffy asked.
"Uh, either's fine" If Saffron was honest, she didn't know if she could handle more bad news. But she didn't want to sour the conversation as she wouldn't get to hear her cousin's voices for another month.
"Good news is the Order has been officially closed for business! Bad news, is a lot have been recruited to some new cult that we can't get any gossip on" Buffy explained. Typical. The types that can't think for themselves blindly walking to the next cult to give themselves some kind of direction.
"Was there a closing down party? Let me guess, it was a white party?" She joked before realisation washed over her, "Hang on… Does that mean I can come home?!"
"Yeah!" Dawn shouted, the excitement could be felt by Saff through the phone.
"Wait, what's the new cult?"
"Well, seeing as you're dead and all, they kinda got bored and started looking for the next big thing in the demon underworld"
"I never thought I'd be so excited to be dead again. I guess this time it doesn't really count though right?" There was a pause for a moment where both Saff and Buffy knew they should have laughed, but both were so exhausted from everything they had been through they just couldn't. Saff asked about the new cult quickly, knowing that she couldn't leave it.
"It's hard to figure that out, the watcher's council has been all over it but as usual they haven't been very sharing is caring with the details"
"Slayers then?"
"Must be, we just don't know the what or the why"
"Well, seems like something we can all research together when we're home!" Saff said, the excitement in her voice was real and the other girls felt it too. Talk turned to Dawn starting at Sunnydale high, it was the longest conversation they'd had in a long time now they weren't afraid of the attention being brought to her.
Saffron had packed immediately, she turned to see Willow in the doorway. She knew what she was going to say before she did. She knew that she wasn't coming back to Sunnydale with her, not yet anyway. She still had a lot of work to do with the coven.
She moved to hug Willow, who was shuddering after the visions she had been having. She was incredibly powerful but on the edge of descending into dangerous addiction, the kind Saff had seen turn to murder in her visions. Before she pulled away, Willow took her arm and whispered in her ear about the visions she had been having about the 'Earth's teeth'. She whispered it, as if the Earth may overhear them.
xoxoxo
LAX, California.
Everything had gone in fast forward since she heard her fake death had worked and she was able to come back home. Somehow she had landed and was about to step foot back in the U.S. The place where she had grown up, learnt more than she had ever even wanted to. She was home.
Saffron debated swinging by Angel Investigations seeing as she was in the city but when she remembered the faces of the people she had met briefly, she decided against it. She had made them all uncomfortable except Angel. And even he just appeared to feel sorry for her. No, perhaps she would avoid going back there for a long while. She knew something had happened there but for the life of her she couldn't recall it. Perhaps it really was best that she didn't recall it. It just made her feel weird.
As she stepped off the plane, the warm air hit her. The familiar feeling made her smile, through it all it truly had become her home. Her family was here. She couldn't wait to see her sisters and her friends. Just as she thought this, she heard a faint noise from her pocket. Her mobile had barely been switched on before she received a frantic call.
"Dawn?"
"Saff! Help!" Dawn shrieked through the phone. Saff checked the time, Dawn should be at school.
"I've barely touched down and you're already in trouble, Dawny!"
"Sunnydale High! Basement! Help!" She shouted before hanging up.
Sunnydale, California.
It had taken just under one and a half hours to arrive at Sunnydale High, even with Saff's cab driver running as many red lights as he could safely get away with. She tipped well, telling him that she would never use any other company for her taxi-driving needs. She had called Dawn on the way, her younger cousin was hiding somewhere in the basement with two other students. She seemed safe, for now.
It was late morning as Saff ran through the school gates, making her way to the basement. Her boots made a squeaking sound along the shined corridor. All the kids were in class and she was running through the new school, trying to get her bearings as she looked for the new entrance to the basement.
As she tried to find her way through the maze that was now Sunnydale High, she managed to bump into what she could only assume was a teacher. He was tall, with broad shoulders and a very disapproving look on his face. He had these piercing mahogany eyes that appeared to see right through her. Saff had to do a double take when she saw him. His face. Those eyes. He looked so similar to someone. He was so familiar but she couldn't figure out why.
"Can I help you?" The man, who introduced himself as Principal Wood, asked and Saffron was acutely aware that she was too old to be here. Saffron adjusted her shades subconsciously, hoping the purple colour wasn't showing through the tint.
"Oh, I'm Dawn's cousin. She forgot her lunch" Saffron said, tapping the bag she had travelled with as if it had a hidden lunch in it. The man introduced himself as the principal before adding, "It's… 10am, she'll be in class" checking his watch, not believing her for a second. Mainly because he'd just bumped into Dawn's sister only moments before who had a just as shit excuse as her.
"Did I say lunch? I meant… brunch! She's a sucker for Brunch" Saffron tried, as if that was more believable.
"Look, I know it's hard letting go, you and your family are evidently very close, just this once, you can deliver the, um, brunch and then I'll need you to leave"
"Sweet!" A smile immediately brightened her face and she took off running, "Thank you, you're a fucking cool principal, man, keep it up!" Saffron stuck her thumbs up at the man as she ran past him and through the corridor at top speed. The principal watched after her bemused, before shaking his head and walking to his office.
She started speeding up and, as she turned the corner out of his line of vision, she broke out into a run. Just as a slightly smaller blonde woman did the same.
"Dawn?" Saffron asked, smiling at her cousin who was running towards her.
"Yep. Split up?" Buffy rolled her eyes as Saff did the same. Some things never changed, Buffy and Saff having to bail their cousin out of trouble wasn't the exception. Buffy pointed out on entrance to the basement and she motioned that she would take the other.
"See you on the other side" Saff mock saluted as she started to turn in the opposite direction than her cousin.
"Wait – saff? It's good to see you" Buffy said, launching herself at her cousin. They hugged each other tightly before running off in opposite directions.
"Goddess above, I haven't missed this stupid place" she mumbled to herself. Everywhere she turned she could see past spooks and horrors of her formative years. She smiled at the image of her cousin throwing a cheerleading pom at a vampire and pulling her by the sleeve to keep her safe.
xoxoxo
An angry spirit stopped her in her tracks as she tried to navigate through the new look of the school. She tried to walk through it but it stopped her. Another joined and they began to blame her and her cousin for not saving them when they used to go to high school. Saff, being the emotional heart of the world of course, understood how to respond in a sensitive manner to their pain.
"Listen, I care about people. It's my job, my destiny if you believe in that shite. But coming around here, terrorising my cousin because me and Buffy at least tried to save you… doesn't sound like the nicest thank you gift"
"You… you let us die… you didn't care…" She wailed as another spirit joined them. They were walking towards her, it would almost be menacingly, but she couldn't really care less.
"No. I cared. Just get over it now, you know? Shit happens. Dying doesn't mean the end of the world. I've been there, you'll get used to it and hey, you seem to have a little support group set up" Saff smiled, unfazed. The group paused, she felt they were not interested in her. They heard someone and left. Probably Buffy, demons usually like going up against the slayer rather than an uninterested empath.
She turned down along the walkway of the basement, taking a few turns and using her powers to try and locate where the fear was the strongest which would hopefully lead her to Dawn.
She found a door and knew deep within that she needed to go in there. Call it intuition, destiny, or any of that bollocks. She shifted the door, to be met by a figure shrouded by shadows. Great, another ghoul from the past, she groaned.
"No visitors today" a familiar British accent warned, snapping herself out of her defensive stance.
"Spike" She breathed, her eyes wide. Her mouth couldn't form any other words, she was motionless, fixed in place as Spike slammed the door in her face.
She knocked, almost pulling the door from its hinges to get in. He swung the door open again, a confused face as if asking if he hadn't been clear. No visitors today.
"Nobody comes in here. It's just the three of us" He frowned at this, "Three of us. Three. We'd have to have Buffy along too, it's the three of us. We could lock the slayer in the boot"
"Uh…" she couldn't form words, she didn't know how to help with… this. He continued to babble, walking back into the room as she followed. He started to pace, using his hands as he spoke.
"I held her hand so tight I thought my hand would pass right through and fuse to hers, she deserves the light, glowing and smiling and-" his eyes widened, as if reliving something that horrified him, "No! Not right! All wrong! Monster!" I'm a monster. He started to sob as she rushed over to him, rubbing her hands ever so softly to try and show she was there.
"Hey, cool it, it's okay it's- slow down babe I don't understand" she tried to soothe him, but he flinched away from her, cowering for a moment before straightening up, running his hand through his unkempt hair.
"Don't you think I'm trying? I'm not fast. I'm not a quick study" he started crying as he spoke, "I dropped my board in the water and the chalk all ran. Sure to be caned" He started laughing and finished, "Should've seen that coming"
"Love, it's okay, nobody can hurt you here, I'm not going anywhere" She said, pouring everything she had into comforting him, taking away the pain. But it was as if he was struggling against her or the Hellmouth was, anyway.
The phone rang and she sighed, flipping it up and taking it, remembering why she was here in the first place. As she spoke, Spike had moved to crouch on the floor on his tiptoes. His mumbling continuing although barely audible as Dawn explained that Buffy had found a talisman and was walking her back to class.
She turned back to her love, her eyes scanning his face for any clue to what had happened.
"The flower, she calls to me. Her sweet nature beckons, but she cowers from the monster…" he trailed off, sobbing uncontrollably as he remembered another scene, another massacre. How many massacres were too many? She hated him for it. The only good in his life.
"Spike, I was wrong. So wrong. It was Ollie, he made me think-" she rushed an explanation, dropping to his level, "Did you read my letter?" She whispered, crouching before him, willing him to be in the room with her. He nodded and nodded then held his head in his hands, still nodding. He had read it, Clem hadn't known what to make of his appearance but Spike didn't stay long enough to comment.
He snatched up the letter and came straight to the Hellmouth which is where he had been ever since he returned from Africa. He had gone in search of a legend. One that put him through Hell and back. He had read the letter twice, but the voices convinced him he had imagined it. Nobody could love him. Nobody could love a soulless monster.
"You're still wearing the chain..." She stroked the chain she had gifted him, the luck charm with the Honeysuckle in it. It looked as if he hadn't taken it off since she gave it to him.
"It's a promise" He said sadly. She nodded, stroking her hand down his arm. He leant into it but then pulled away slightly, looking up at her. There was hurt in his eyes.
"I'm so sorry… I know you must be mad but please don't shut me out" she pleaded but he just started babbling again. Something was wrong. It broke her heart, his head was racing his emotions switching every other second, she winced. It was really wrong. She was scared for him. She reached out to him but he protested.
"Don't, don't come near me" He cowered from her, "Don't touch the bad thing" he said, hugging his ripped open black shirt around himself and not able to look her in the eye.
"You're not-" she cut herself off with a gasp as she moved the shirt he had been hugging around himself to reveal deep cuts over the left side of his chest. She winced before looking up at his face, "Spike, what happened? You're hurt…"
"Tried to cut it out"
"Come here, babe, let me tend to-"
"No!" He took her wrists roughly in his hands, pulling her away. Her eyes widened at the act and he took it for fear. He dropped her wrists quickly and turned away from her, unable to stifle another sob.
She whispered soothingly, rubbing up his back in reassurance which ceased his babbling for a moment and she could tell that he felt comfort from it away from the usual confusion. As if he finally noticed she was really there with him. Their eyes connecting, her shades still on her face. The last thing he needed was more confusion as she showed him her new eye-colour. That only lasted for a brief moment though, a flicker of lucidity before he descended back into turmoil.
"Come back home with me? To our basement?" She asked, trying to feel out what she could say to him without him getting upset. Not that, clearly.
"This is my home. I belong here. Always been here. Cheers for stopping by now on your merry way" Spike turned and walked away from her, pushing her away once again.
"Spike-" she started to follow him, she couldn't just leave him like this.
"Go!" he shouted, not turning to her. The force of the words hit her like a punch to the gut. She didn't touch him again, aware that it was confusing him. You can feel what he's feeling without physical contact. What's up with that?
He faced the wall and pressed his hands against it, "It's in the wall..." Spike muttered to himself before starting to moan softly, wailing as if into the great abyss. The Hellmouth, not the bowl-o-rama.
"I'm coming back for you, that's a promise" She whispered, staring at the back of him, as he continued to speak to the walls. Hot tears welled from her eyes as she turned to look back at him one last time before going back home to her sisters.
