Small and short update on how Merlin, Elle, Gwen, and Arthur each deal with Morgana's disappearance. Because loss is part of life and not easy to cope with, I leave this chapter here. To anyone who has ever have to let go of someone dear, it's okay to mourn and to take a break as long as you don't forget caring after yourself. Hope you enjoy.

DISCLAIMER: Merlin belongs to BBC. I do not own any of the characters, or settings, except my OC, Estelle and others that will likely appear as the story goes on. This fanfic is for the purpose of entertainment and fun only, and I make no monetary gain by writing my stories.


I sighed once more from the side of my bed, exhausted and tired. My eyes were tired from the lack of sleep; this was becoming so draining. Turning slowly at the sound of the door, I smiled at Gaius, who looked at me with concern.

"Gaius," I gave him a small nod, "Do you have a...sleeping draught?"

He eyed at me intently and slowly, hesitantly nodding and extending his hand towards me, "Here." He looked around, "Where's your brother?"

"Same place he always is," I sighed, looking down at my feet with guilt.

The days had turned into weeks, and then months, since Morgause had vanished with Morgana. He'd been happy that we'd saved Balinor. Hunith was finally with him too...but seeing them together had only reminded him of what we'd lost; what he had lost. Once everything had settled down, the initial concern and adrenaline with all the mess with Kilgharrah vanished, and the truth sank in. Morgana wasn't here anymore. We'd tried to contact her...but it was futile. At the same time, Uther's parties searched throughout the kingdom and far beyond.

Arthur seemed to be holding up quite alright on the outside. He wasn't really; not deep down. Every day, he'd come to the Battle Grounds and use the training dummies to let all his anger and frustration flow. I was surprised they weren't broken at this point.

Gwen was assigned to tend after tasks here and there inside the Royal Household. She'd kept certain standing, not that high as a ward's maid, but she was happy to have a job. Usually, though, she'd stay in the laundry room, or take around the clean and dirty sheets from one place to the other. She'd never stay in one place for too long. I knew she was doing this on purpose; keeping herself busy, just like when she'd lost her father. She avoided Morgana's room...

Merlin? He'd lock himself up for some time. Arthur wouldn't ask or force him to speak; not anymore. Even if he did, he'd usually receive a retort; that would usually end with both of them getting cross with each other, but he understood. He knew of Merlin's and Morgana's relationship. He understood. Days from the dragon's rampage, he'd usually find a way to sneak into Morgana's chambers, curl into her bed and sleep there, only to return back at dawn. That is, until the room had been sealed up.

Since nobody was there, the guards had no purpose to stay. However, many things of value were kept there; so, instead, Uther had closed off the chambers, only to be cleaned every once in a while to deal with the dust that managed to find its way inside. It'd taken him days to learn a transportation spell. Whilst he learnt it, he slept back with us. I'd hear my brother cry himself asleep when he thought I wasn't awake. Sometimes I'd only want to hug him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. The spell couldn't take him very far away for now, but he had no need to travel large distances. Now, he'd return to his usual routine.

In my case, I suppose things weren't so different. Deep inside, I knew I had held my word; the promise I'd made to Morgana. The Lady had left differently, with a different role; instead sacrificing herself over Camelot. But nobody would know of her sacrifice, and that felt so sickening, so wrong. My actions yet proved nothing, and I knew not if I would regret this even more in the future.

...

I stood over one particular damaged dummy, a sword in my hand, the rain pouring down. My hair, my dress: they were all soaked, but I didn't care. It had been six months; six months without any sort of news. I gritted my teeth, clutching over the weapon to the point my knuckles grew white. It was late; the other knights had left. I think Arthur, Gaius, and Gwen were watching me, each at different directions. I didn't care either. This had worked with Arthur well; it could work with me too, right? With a shaky hand, I raised the sword, landing the first blow. Then a second one, followed by another one...and another one. My arm was getting sore, and the dummy's head shook vigorously with every hit, new scratches marked on its wooden chest. I didn't care...Every mistake from the past, every life I couldn't save, every time I or someone I loved got hurt, every time I had felt like a freak and failure, every failed attempt; these memories started surging back, and I couldn't hold back, I couldn't stop. Then the dummy fell apart, and I snapped back to reality.

My knees had grown too cold from the rain, and finally, I sneezed. I had never been on good terms with this sort of climate. My body gave in, not being able to take it anymore, and I fell to my knees, hoping nobody was watching. Hoping everyone was at home...I flinched, feeling a hand placed on my back. It was too small to be Arthur's; too soft to be Gwen's.

"What's wrong?" A soft child's voice echoed through the chill air, "Why are you so sad?"

"Yra!" I exclaimed, "What are you doing here?! It's pouring down. Come on! Let's get you home; you'll catch a cold on this point."

She tilted her head, "You should be at home too...you'll get sick."

I shook my head, "I'll be fine. Come on. Let's get you to your mother; she must be worried sick." We were heading to the Lower Town, when her mother came running towards us, a coat hanging over her head. I sighed, waving at Edith, who hurriedly dashed towards her child, pulling her back scoldingly.

"Yra!" She frowned, "What were you thinking?"

The girl pouted, "You said we could go for a stroll. I just went out and followed the sound, and Mommy, look who I found."

I awkwardly chuckled as Edith eyed at the dummy on the ground with a sad expression. She smiled at me before reprimanding her child again, "That's all good and nice, Yra, but we do not follow noises like that. Especially not without your coat in a weather like this! You can't go running off, child."

She looked down with a huff, "Sorry."

Her mother looked up, tsking as she placed a blanket over her girl's shoulders, "Let's just go home. Elle," she offered, "Would you like to join us? I'm making some soup. You can have some, warm you up a little."

"I couldn't possibly," I shook my head, "But...thank you. In any case, I'll have to go to work soon."

She nodded understandingly, raising Yra to carry her back home despite the girl's protest, "Take care, Elle..." she hesitantly added, "I hope you find her soon."

I froze, staring at her for a while before nodding, "Me too..."

...

When I entered Arthur's chambers with my clothes now changed, but my hair still wet, the prince approached me with a stern expression, his eyes holding a dangerous look, "Where have you been?"

"With Gaius," I shrugged off.

He pressed on, "Why's your hair wet?"

"I took a quick bath..." I sighed.

"Is that why you've been coming here late recently? What about Merlin hardly showing up?" Arthur stood up, making me grumble.

I shook my head, moving back, "Why are you asking so many questions?"

He let a dry laugh at that, "Because I'm worried for you!" he snapped, "Do you think I don't notice what you've been doing to yourself ever since Morgana disappeared?" he rambled through his hair, "Elle," he placed a hand on my shoulder, "I miss her too, but you can't keep on like this."

"Do you think I've not noticed how you put a strong front before everyone else, either?" I remarked, looking down, "She could be out there, trapped...and we've got no clue to where she is. She could be soaking wet, freezing to death, pleading for help; and what can we do?!"

He shook my shoulders, "Nothing, Elle. We can do nothing. All we can do is search for her...And I can assure you, that if Morgana was here, she'd want us to be strong."

"But...I don't want to be strong anymore," I whispered, "I just want her back."

He hugged me, "Then don't play strong, Elle. If there's anything I've learnt from you, is that it's okay to feel weak. You once did me a favour. Remember that first time we met Morgause?" he continued, "I let my guard down. You saw it, but you didn't mock me for it, you didn't judge me...you were there to comfort me. Please," he took my hand, caressing my cheek and kissing a tear away with a kiss, "Let me return the favour." I choked, sobbing uncontrollably and clutching to him with a sense of desperation. He kissed the top of my head as it rested on his shoulder, searching for safety. My eyes grew red and puffy, but I just let it all pour down... "Just like that," he hummed, "Let it all out. It's okay...We're going to find her."

I laughed tearfully, "Since when were you so good at this?"

"There," he smiled, "That's all I wanted to see. There's nothing quite like your smile, you know?" He sighed as I rolled my eyes, "How do you feel?"

I shrugged, "I feel...better somehow." I smiled, "Thanks Arthur," giving a small kiss on his cheek.

"I thought we had evolved past the kiss on the cheek?" he raised a brow, a teasing smirk on his lips.

"One day," I stuck my tongue out at him.

He frowned as I headed for the door, "Where are you going?"

"There's something I need to do," I smiled.

He nodded, "Say hi to Merlin for me."

I chuckled, "I will."

...

I went in through the physician's chambers, smiling at Gaius. He returned the gesture, "It's been some time since I saw you with even a small ounce of happiness such as this one. Did something interesting happen? Are you feeling better?"

Shrugging I sighed, "I'm not sure yet. I don't feel...happy. But I don't feel so hopeless either."

"Give it time, Elle," he smiled, "Things will get better." He pointed at my chamber's door, "Your brother just came here too, in case you want to speak with him. He needs you, and I'm sure you need him too."

"Thank you, Gaius."

"Whatever for?" He frowned.

I chuckled, "Everything."

I knocked on the door to the chambers, doubt beginning to fill my mind, "Merlin?" Slowly I entered, seeing my brother lying on bed, his back to the door. He wasn't asleep, I could sense it, so I plopped by one side of the mattress. "I know you miss her. We all do...You know? Before she was taken away, I made a promise to her. She wanted to see you safe. I don't think this is what she meant for you to be safe...She'd want you to just be you. To live past this."

"So I give up on her now? Is that what you're saying?" he retorted.

"No," I shook my head, "Of course not...But you can't keep going like this. When we find her, she'll need us to be there for her. We can't be for her like this, you understand?"

He frowned, "But how? Elle...I'm trying to, but-"

"I don't know," I admitted, "Just keep on, don't torture yourself like this. Trying to heal, mourn. Don't gobble yourself up with the memories of the past, overthinking what could've been and shouldn't have been done. We can't change the past, however sad it may seem, but we can create our future."

He sniffled as I patted his shoulder, "Sorry...You were also hurting. But I acted like I was the only one that missed her. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I was also consumed by my guilt," I sighed, "Now. Things won't ever quite be as they were before, but let's try to keep this afloat. Sounds good?"

He nodded boyishly and smiled, "I may have an idea about that."

...

"Gwen!" I waved at her as she shyly came over to the main square where Merlin and I waited for her.

"I came as soon as I could," she smiled, "What is it?"

I smiled, "We were thinking of ways to spend the day together...It's been some time since we did so just for the sake of it."

Merlin nodded, "I was thinking we could take a small stroll by the woods. I also brought in this book; here," he opened his bag to reveal a journal, "So, with this, we could be able to keep some sort of adventure dairies for Morgana to read when she comes back home.

"It sounds like a great idea," Gwen smiled warmly, "It's nice seeing you again, Merlin."

"Thanks. It is nice being with you all too," he chuckled.

I nodded, "Now that that's settled, we're only waiting for Arthur now. Speaking of the devil," I snickered, raising a brow as the prince approached us, "What took you so long?"

"You try convincing my father to let me go 'out of my duties' to patrol the forest. Surprisingly it wasn't as hard as I expected," he shrugged, "So what's the plan?"

Soon, Merlin started to ramble about his ideas, which places to visit, and so on. It had been the first time in a while I saw him get so excited. Soon we'd all placed our signatures in the journal. A small picnic was the best we came up with. Soon everything was settled. A small blanket, a perfect basket filled with some sweets and different goods, and we had the luck of a sunny day in our favour. I plopped by Arthur's side, enjoying the moment for a little while.

"Feeling better?" He smiled.

I nodded, "Much," then I booped his nose, "And that's thanks to you. I would've never stopped folding blankets if it weren't for all this. I admit Sometimes I feel guilty," I sighed, "but it is a nice change for once..."

"We should do this more often then," he hummed teasingly, "Maybe even just the two of us."

I chuckled, "We will. Let's give it some time, and it should all work out," I breathed out, "It is nice seeing him like this again," I pointed at Merlin, who was trying to decide what to eat first. I sighed, "Morgana, the whole dragon ordeal and Balinor, it hit him hard."

Arthur squeezed my hand softly, "We'll go through this. We always do."

"You know?" I smiled, cuddling by his side, "For the first time in a while, I think you might be right."

He hummed, enjoying the nice and quiet...until Merlin grimaced, "Come one, leave all the sweetness to Gwen's cooking," he smirked, satisfied with the glare Arthur sent his way before taking a bite, "Oh my Lord, Gwen this is so good! It's delicious. How come you didn't tell us you were such a good cook?"

Guinevere flushed, "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

My brother continued to exclaim, "Elle, seriously! You have to try this!" He raised a brow, "No? More for us then."

Arthur chuckled, "Come on, let's go get some food."

"I wouldn't be surprised if Merlin finished it all on his own," I snorted.

And from that day on, we all supported one another. No, things wouldn't ever be quite like they used to before...and we had many ups and downs, but we went through it all together. And this was one step to getting back to our odd stable reality. Things were beginning to feel right again. And we were a family once again. I smiled, happy to have them all by my side; knowing that, each day, we were one step closer for Morgana to finally come back to us. Merlin would certainly be very excited to read everything worth telling for Morgana to catch up.


Don't forget to comment on what you think. I truly appreciate your reviews :3

Crystal-Wolf-Guardain-967: Thanks for reading! :333

Blu3b3rryT3a: Uther'sis a jackass. At least they were able to meet Balinor! There will be much more development for the prat prince to come by. Thanks for reading! :333

OechsnerC: Thanks for reading! :333

zikashigaku: Thanks for reading! :333

HE LIIIIIIVES! Im so glad things worked out this way! Oh the reunion! I wanna cry that was so cute! Dx ugh of course Uther would try to murder him after saving Camelot.

Belbelanne: I can hardly believe it myself. Season 3 is coming soon. Thanks for reading! :333

Thank you all for your support! Season 3 is finally coming, and we're stirring away from canon even more }:]

Stay safe, take care, do what you love
otter reader out~