Thanks to everyone who took the time to review my story! I really appreciate you giving me your thoughts on the story and your hopes and expectations for the epilogues.
AN1- Epilogue betaed by the wonderful Miette and dstone12 :)
AN2: So, that first epilogue was a long time coming. As you'll see, it's quite long, and may not be what you expect. It seems I have a lot of notes and things to say and it's complicated to wrangle everything into something coherent and satisfying... I expect the next epilogues will be even worse, so don't expect updates once a month as before, but rather once every two months.
Severus was at the Library, looking dejectedly at the books in front of him. What had seemed so simple a decision yesterday after clearing his Occlumency boxes now seemed an herculean task. To get emancipated. He needed two cautions, one financial and one educational. While Severus had no doubt his Mentor would accept to vouch for him financially, it meant being indebted to the man even more than Severus already was. He knew Abraxas appreciated him, but he still was a Slytherin. He was the powerful Head of Malfoy House as much as he was his friend's father.
Supposing Severus overcame his dislike at asking his mentor for help, who could he ask to become his educational caution? All his professors knew of his difficulties with his wand. He felt he had done well enough during his OWLs practicals, but the professors did not know that and he would probably need to demonstrate wand proficiency yet again. And he was a Slytherin. The only ones who might accept were Slughorn and Flitwick. There was no way he would ask a favour from Slughorn. He would have to grovel at the man's feet without guarantees, and if his Head of House accepted, he knew the price would be high. As for Flitwick… Could he gamble his future on an impression of fairness and a few kind words? Severus had no idea what the professor's stance was towards Dumbledore. Would asking him just be inviting Dumbledore's unwanted meddling and focus on Severus? The old man would seize any occasion to mess with a Slytherin and could use his connections to set up Severus to fail, or to warn off any Master.
Severus sighed. He might be able to obtain his two cautions. But then, he would need to meet two ministry councillors who would interrogate him on any subject they desired before deciding if he deserved to be emancipated. With his luck, they would be Dumbledore's admirers and refuse just to spite a Slytherin.
In the unlikely event that they accepted his emancipation, he would need to pass his NEWTs, because he was definitely not getting emancipated just to remain in Hogwarts… and then, he would need to find a good apprenticeship despite NEWTs scores that would be lower than what he could hope for with two more years of study.
Did he really want his fifth year to be his last in the Castle? Yes, he disliked most of the other students. Yes, he hated the Marauders. But his friends were with him. And Lily… Summer was their heaven. They might manage to clear the air between them during the holidays when they only managed to hurt each other in Hogwarts. If he did not come back to school afterwards, what would become of their friendship?
Moreover, wouldn't it possibly confirm any opinion Lord Voldemort might have that Severus was weak? As much as the man professed his desire to help minors, Severus was less than two years from his majority. He should be able to take care of himself without help, and fleeing Hogwarts in the face of his bullies could be interpreted as either weakness or resourcefulness.
Severus got up and brought all the books back to the library shelves. He needed to think about this more. The NEWTs additional session was scheduled for the beginning of August every year. If he was serious about passing them, he would need to take his decision before leaving Hogwarts for the summer holiday in two weeks.
Severus blinked, his brain trying to make sense of Lucius and Abraxas' presence on the Hogwarts Express' platform.
"Good afternoon Severus," greeted Abraxas with a smile, putting his hands on Severus' shoulders and looking him over as if assessing his condition.
"Hello Severus!" chimed in Lucius, daring to ruffle his hair briefly.
Severus scowled at him, regaining his brain function at the tease.
"What are you doing here?"
"As your guardian, I thought it would only be proper to welcome you back," began Abraxas, directing Severus' focus on him.
That he did not do so the previous year because Mother had been alive was left unsaid.
"I thought we could go to France for the holidays. Lucius has long wanted to invite you to Dryhtenhold, our ancestral home. You are of course free to invite both Misters Rosier and Wilkes to come over sometime. It also gives us easy access to the rest of Europe, should we feel the desire to stretch our horizon."
Severus knew that it was entirely for his benefit as Lucius had already toured Europe several times. He felt his throat tighten with sudden gratefulness and something far more complex he had no desire to identify at the moment.
Oblivious to Severus' feelings, Abraxas kept talking.
"As your guardian, I took the liberty to assign one of our House Elves to your home. Dobby has cleaned up the house and added wards to protect it. He is only waiting for the confirmation that you will come to France with us to close it up."
For once, Severus did not let himself overthink.
"I'd love to go to France."
The Malfoys were adept at masking their feelings, yet, Severus was certain he caught relief on both Abraxas' and Lucius' faces.
Why didn't Hogwarts sometimes offer French dishes at mealtime? Their breakfast was absolutely decadent though it would not be nearly enough to properly fill a growing teenager on school days, but their dishes and desserts… And the bread and cheeses… he could certainly get used to this.
The Procope was only a glimpse of what French food could offer.
Severus did not even glare at Lucius who was quietly laughing at him as he took a third helping of meat stuffed tomatoes with rice. Madam Pomfrey had predicted he was due for a growth spurt. He needed his strength.
Severus did not look up when his mentor sat beside him in the grass. After two years of Hogsmeade weekends spent together and one month living with him and Lucius, Severus was familiar enough with the man that he would have teased him about lacking decorum or taking care of his ancient joints if he had not been overwhelmed by feelings ranging from hurt and anger to confusion and fragile hope.
"I will understand if you are angry with me," stated Abraxas softly.
"You're not the one who gave up on your grandson for the first fifteen years of his life," replied Severus bitterly, staring in front of him.
"Augustus wanted to be your Mentor at first. He thought it would be the best way to reconnect with you without hurting Eileen's feelings and his own pride. I disagreed."
Severus looked up at him in shock, feeling the knot in his stomach tightened.
"He thought you had lived in a happy home for your whole life and that meeting your estranged grandfather would not mean much in the bigger picture of your life, except that he and Madeline would be able to spoil you. I knew better."
Abraxas met his gaze squarely. Severus felt his heartbeat quicken.
"When Lucius first raved about his little genius, I did not know more than the fact that you were a Muggleborn whose personality was a bit prickly, which could be explained by your frustration with people who were not as clever as you were, and that you were fast friends with Misters Wilkes and Rosier. As the years passed and I heard more about you from your friends' fathers, I began to suspect that your home situation was far from ideal. When I told Augustus I wanted to mentor Severus Snape because he was the most brilliant Wizard of his generation according to Lucius and had managed to charm my son without any attempt at flattery or bribe, he told me who your mother was. Knowing this, I was pretty sure my suspicions were correct."
Severus still had trouble understanding how he had managed to make such an impression on Lucius by only asking for help in Transfiguration. He had also thought his home problems were less obvious than his poverty.
"I did not tell Augustus because I did not trust his reaction. I was afraid he would kill your father or worse. I was afraid he would destroy any chance of reconciliation with his daughter, and burn any bridges he may have built with you."
His head could understand this reasoning.
"What about my grandmother?"
She had let her husband speak this afternoon. She had let him try to explain why he had thought that giving up on his grandson was the right thing to do. Her eyes had been warm and hopeful everytime she had looked at Severus. Yet she had never tried to contact him before.
Abraxas sighed.
"I think that Madeline disagreed with Augustus' handling of the situation, but I was not privy to her thoughts and actions."
Yes, the only thing that Severus knew for certain was that right now, his grandparents wanted to get to know him.
"I must admit that I am selfishly glad I got to be your Mentor."
The other thing that Severus knew was that he would not exchange Abraxas for his grandfather for all the Goblins' gold in the world.
"So am I," he answered, smiling softly.
His mentor hesitantly put his arm around his shoulder, like he had done a few times during the past month. Severus tensed slightly before feeling himself relax into the older man's warmth.
He had Abraxas. Getting to know his grandparents might be nice, if he managed to untangle his complicated feelings, but it was not necessary.
Severus was caught by surprise when he came face to face with Lily. She had several books in her cart and was perusing the advanced Charms shelves. His own cart only contained his school books. His access to the Malfoys' library had vastly reduced his need to buy books.
They stared at each other. He could see many feelings cross her face, undecision being the most preeminent. What could she read on his own face?
He saw the moment she made a decision, the green in her eyes sharpening. He felt himself stop breathing as she opened her mouth.
"Lily! We've been here for hours, come on!"
She startled, looking behind her at McDonalds' call.
She looked back at Severus. His feet felt rooted to the ground, his body weighing heavily on him. He should say something. Summer had passed without any chance to stumble upon each other, what with him touring Europe, lounging in Dryhtenhold, spending time with his friends and going shopping in Paris with Narcissa – an experience that still made him shudder though Narcissa seemed to have adopted him as her little brother ever since. He had not put even one toe inside his own house since coming back from Hogwarts.
"Lily!"
She grimaced, casting one last look at him before leaving.
He stared at her back and forced himself to breathe.
Severus tried not to show his frustration as he stood in Professor McGonagall's office, the Marauders on his left side at a safe distance. Summer had made him complacent despite his mock duels against Lucius, and he had forgotten to stick with Jonathan and Evan. The Marauders had ambushed him on his way back from Hagrid's and to his chagrin, despite the fact that his wand worked perfectly now, he had been on the verge of losing. Four on one when you couldn't use the spells that would easily take out your opponents was just beyond him.
"I am very disappointed in all of you," stated McGonagall sternly. "You are only two years from being a legal adult and leaving Hogwarts. I thought you were intelligent enough to focus on your studies and your future. What may have looked like schoolyard scuffles when you were younger is just unnecessary and uncivilised violence now."
Severus would love nothing more than to be left in peace, he thought with a scowl. He schooled his face in a more neutral expression when McGonagall glared at him, feeling mollified when her lips got even thinner at Potter and Black's attempt at looking like innocent angels.
"I have heard from Hagrid about last year's incident at the lake. This year will not be the same, I will not allow it."
And how was she going to do that short of constantly keeping the Marauders on a short leash?
"I have called your guardians. They should be here shortly so we can discuss the situation and how to properly put a stop to your behaviour."
Severus stared at her. He had no doubt that she was not referring to herself as being the guardian to the Marauders. It was in complete contradiction with Dumbledore's behaviour during the "prank". The Headmaster would never allow it though, no matter the woman's best intentions.
Glancing towards the Marauders, he knew from their two leaders' relaxed stance that they were thinking the same thing.
"While we wait for them to arrive, you will each begin an essay about why this rivalry is detrimental to you and to your opponents, and the far reaching consequences it could bring to your future."
She was truly trying, thought Severus as McGonagall transfigured five nuts into temporary desks, put a sheet of parchment on each of them and nodded at them to begin.
Severus estimated he was about halfway through when there was a knock on the professor's door. Casting a glance around, he was not surprised that only Lupin seemed to have seriously begun the essay.
"Come in," answered McGonagall, standing up.
To no one's surprise, Headmaster Dumbledore was the one who entered. However, he was followed by a man who could only be Lord Potter. The resemblance with his son was eerie, though despite his majestic bearings, he lacked the expression of arrogance and entitlement that always graced his son's face.
"Minerva, I did not know something so grievous had happened that it required our students' guardians to be present," said the Headmaster genially though all Severus heard was the underlying irritation at his deputy's attempt to properly punish his golden boys for once.
His eyes zeroed in on Severus.
"Lord Potter has the agreement from the Lupins, the Pettigrews and the Blacks to speak for them on this matter. Sadly, Lord Malfoy doesn't seem to be able to come, I haven't-"
"Please forgive my lateness," interrupted Abraxas, looking more regal than Severus had ever seen him despite his hurried step." Your letter seemed to have gotten lost, and I had to learn about this situation by other means," he added, offering a neutral nod at McGonagall before looking at Dumbledore icily.
Severus felt himself unconsciously straighten up as he met his mentor's eyes, relief coursing through him as Abraxas offered him a brief but genuine smile.
He forced himself not to look smug as he caught Dumbledore losing his sparkle for a few seconds.
McGonagall's endeavour might succeed after all.
"Why won't you change, you stupid needle thing?!"
Severus looked up, amused at Evan's antics. Sixth year Transformation was very interesting. Today, their homework was to try to feel the transformation that had been applied to an object then try to reverse it. To Severus' relief, he had found that his hard practice of the five previous years as well as his work on Potions and spell creation had developed his ability to feel magic far more than most of his peers. Evan was not as lucky.
Severus looked back to his potion book, squinting his eyes to shield them from the October sun. He and Evan were settled near the lake while they waited for Jonathan to finish with Arithmancy. It was not the best place to write an essay, so Severus had decided to focus on his notes for spell and potion improvements. He was using his sixth year potion book as a notebook not to give the Marauders any reason to try to steal his creations.
The four Gryffindors were much more restrained in their harassment since the meeting involving McGonagall, Lord Potter and Abraxas, and were now reduced to mere pranks to try to bother him. It was quite relaxing. The only downside was that Lily was finding them funny. He had not found any opportunity to speak with her since the beginning of the year.
Shaking his head to himself, Severus smiled as his gaze caught the letter he had received this morning and put into his book: his grandparents had begun writing to him regularly since their first meeting. While he had been hesitant in his replies at first, he was feeling himself warming up to their effort. It was to the point that after hearing Potter brag about his family to Lily, he had taken to calling himself the Half-Blood Prince.
"Oy genius! When are you going to have mercy and explain what I'm doing wrong?"
Severus smirked at Evan's disgruntled look.
"I thought you wanted to succeed relying on your own brain."
His friend flicked a blade of grass at him.
"I changed my mind. Come on Severus!"
Looking at his friend, Severus thought that it would have been a shame not to come back to Hogwarts this year.
"Severus!"
He turned toward the call, surprised to see Lord Voldemort coming up to him with a wide smile. They had seen each other only one month ago, during the last Hogsmeade weekend, and the Lord no doubt had more important people to see today. A Malfoy wedding brought many opportunities to speak with potentially powerful allies.
"How is the categorisation going?"
"Not as fast as I would like," admitted Severus sheepishly. "I hadn't realised I had improved or created so many potions and spells."
The Lord laughed lightly.
"That's the problem with curious minds like ours. Always exploring, searching for more, and thus forgetting what has already been done. I told you you needed to be more organised about your creativity."
Severus nodded, feeling his cheeks heat. During their previous meeting, Lord Voldemort had asked him which of his creations Severus would be willing to share with their group, which he wanted to patent, and which he wanted to keep for himself. Severus had not even thought further than continuing Eileen's Apothecary despite Mother's death.
"This is why Mentors are important. You're brilliant Severus, but you need some guidance to reach your full potential."
Severus could only nod at the compliment and truth of the Lord's words.
The Lord hesitated, suddenly meeting Severus' gaze with unexpected seriousness.
"I do not want to pressure you, yet I feel I must tell you I expect much from you. I have no doubt that in only a few years, your name will be known."
"My Lord, I am not that good. I..."
"You are," Lord Voldemort interrupted firmly. "You remind me of myself. Both Half-Bloods with a thirst for knowledge and an impressive mind."
Lord Voldemort was a Half-Blood?
"I do not advertise this because Half-Bloods are few in our worlds and often disdained by Purebloods and Muggleborns alike, as if they did not know what to make of us. Looking at the both of us, I can understand why they would be wary," said the Lord with a smirk to Severus.
Those who thought Slytherin was about blood purity were truly blind. Slytherin had always been about Magic.
"I won't keep you from your friends and family much longer, weddings must be celebrated properly. I just wanted to tell you that I look forward to you officially joining us when you graduate, if only so we can discuss Magic and research together," added Lord Voldemort with a smile.
Severus blushed at the praise. The Lord would take the time to work with him even though his politically charged agenda had to take top priority… Severus almost shook his head, thinking back to Lily and the doubts she had ingrained in him. She really had no understanding of who Lord Voldemort was.
"Thank you again my Lord, I look forward to it," answered Severus fervently.
The Lord clasped his shoulder before walking away, immediately grabbed by Rodolphus Lestrange who began talking to him animatedly. Severus was startled – but hopefully managed to hide it – when his gaze crossed Bellatrix's who was glaring at him as if she could spear him with her eyes. He shivered, reminded of why he was keen on avoiding all Blacks.
Narcissa certainly was the only Black Severus would ever consider like family.
Severus carefully smelled the potion before swallowing it, earning a small smile from the nurse.
"Have you considered Healing as a possible future career?" asked Madam Pomfrey. "You already know as much about potions as most Masters grade II, and you have a mind for analysis and observation that would serve you well, no matter the field of healing you would choose."
Severus looked at her in surprise. He saw the nurse regularly to check on the development of his core and the bouts of growing pains that still took him by surprise sometimes, but he had not realised that she had been observing him closely for all these years.
"I'm not sure I would make a good healer. I'm not really a people person."
He expected her to laugh but instead, she met his gaze seriously.
"You don't need to smile and cuddle everyone to make a good healer. Being a good listener and able to anticipate behaviours are more than enough. You would need to work on being more patient, but I'm sure with some practice, you would surprise yourself."
Severus tilted his head thoughtfully. Healing was a very interesting field. He had already read Lily's book from head to cover and it had left him with many questions. However, would it be the best way to serve the Defenders and himself? He had the feeling that he had better hone his duelling skills as well as improve his grasp of Occlumency.
"I'll think about it," he finally answered after a long silence.
"Well done Severus! You've deserved your plate of chocolate macarons," exclaimed Abraxas, handing him a plate as Lucius let out a huff.
The three of them were enjoying an all-men evening in Drythenhold while Narcissa was with a friend. Since the beginning of summer, Severus had found he enjoyed spending time with her, yet he treasured having Lucius and Abraxas all for himself tonight. Especially when for the first time since Severus had known Lucius, he had won two chess games in a row against him.
"Pouting doesn't suit you," teased Abraxas, giving his son a plate with small éclairs au café.
"I'm not pouting. I'm proud that he's growing up thanks to my tutelage," countered Lucius haughtily, ruining the effect by popping up one of the small cakes in his mouth.
Abraxas let out a laugh.
"Yes, your talented, cute, lost but eager puppy is quite grown up."
Severus looked at Lucius with a betrayed look. A cute and lost puppy?
Lucius laughed.
"Don't make that face, Severus. I'm glad I took pity on you that night."
"I was nice enough not to say that you were a cute puppy running eagerly after Narcissa," retorted Severus, still unsure how to feel about being described as a small fluffy creature.
Lucius immediately looked affronted. However, Abraxas did not let him speak, no doubt wanting to avoid another rant about his son's wife's beauty and unrivalled charms.
"Now, I suggest we play a true game. You two against me. I'll let you take the whites."
Severus stared at his mentor before looking at Lucius. He could see in his gaze that Lucius agreed with him: this slight could not go unanswered. Abraxas was going down.
Severus forced himself not to react and pushed his feelings into the cauldron in the middle of his mind lab as Lily kissed Potter in front of him on the second day of their seventh year.
Severus kept his face blank from any hint of smugness as Potter once more found himself immobilised on the ground.
"Five points to Slytherin."
Amazing the change that mastering one's wand and using his feel for magic could bring. The fact that he now was taller than both Potter and Black was just the icing on the cake.
"Mister Potter, please try again, your intent is not strong enough to hold the shield against powerful attacks. You can do better than this, I'm sure."
Now that Severus' power was at least equal to Potter's, there was no way that he would lose the fight because of a lack of will. Potter was going to sport many bruises at the end of the class. What fun.
Severus hurled the potion book through his private lab. To think he had allowed himself to trust him. Augustus Prince was nothing but a snivelling coward who deserved to die the most horrendous death. How could Severus have even felt pride thinking of himself as the Half-Blood Prince?
The book fell with a loud thunk which was not nearly as satisfying as it should have been. Nothing was truly satisfying these days. Not when Abraxas was dead. It had been three weeks and Severus still could not believe it despite the funeral. He could not believe that next week, when he went to Hogsmead, Abraxas would not be waiting at the Procope with chocolate macarons.
Severus glared at the book which lay on the grounds innocently. The Half-Blood Prince. What a joke. Abraxas was dead because of his grandfather. Because his supposed best friend had asked him to help with his own mentoree and had not taken the necessary precautions.
How could they have let themselves be ambushed by ten Muggles? Why had Lord Prince only been injured when Abraxas was dead?
At least, the man had had the decency to exile himself to Russia, supposedly to look for information to tarnish Dumbledore's reputation and weaken his holier than thou position to undermine his candidate for the next Minister of Magic election.
Severus hoped he froze to death.
Severus ignored Lily as she tried to catch his gaze.
She was among the few advocating against the Daily Prophets' accusations about Abraxas having been killed by the Muggles because they were trying to defend their muggleborn children against evil Slytherins. It did not erase the fact that she was going out with one of the boys who had tried to make his life hell at Hogwarts. Especially when she was among those who criticised the Defenders' sporadic crackdowns to humiliate those who lied about how Birkins' actions were for the best of all Wizards.
It did not erase the fact that she was openly one of Dumbledore's favourites, even while the man was quietly supporting the harassment of the followers of Lord Voldemort, especially those without ties to powerful Houses, i.e. those with little or no political power.
Severus smiled darkly as he walked away, leaving both Potter and Black hanging upside down, the two Marauders cursing as their usual Levicorpus counter failed to cancel the spell. They had not even noticed him, though of course, they would suspect him. What a nice way to celebrate his official invitation to the meeting which would be held next week during the February holidays.
"I don't understand," said Beltram, frustrated. "Our last revelations on Birkins should have shaken the polls!"
Severus' first Death Eaters' meeting was morose. No matter which dirty secrets of Birkins or his henchmen they revealed through the Wizard Times, the polls remained slightly in the current Minister's favour.
"It's because they know he's not truly the one in power. He's only following Baxter who is following Dumbledore," answered Lady Greengrass, her green eyes surprisingly showing her frustration.
"I can't believe we haven't found anything on Dumbledore," said Mulciber, looking at Lord Prince who was sadly back from Russia in full health.
"Grindelwald refused to tell me anything concrete though during my last visit, he alluded that Dumbledore was hiding a great secret. I am looking for people who could have known Dumbledore when he was younger and who don't idolise him," explained the older man calmly.
"And that's quite the needle in a haystack," sighed Lord Nott. "I admire your persistence."
"Why don't we focus on Baxter?" asked Bellatrix. "Without him, Dumbledore and Birkins' alliance will not go as smoothly. They can't stand each other."
"Baxter is white as snow. He's the worst among muggleborn idealists," replied Beltram, dejected.
"Yes, he doesn't even cheat in the queue at the ministry canteen," added Gibbon.
"Maybe we should try something else," suggested Doholov. "So far, we've mainly focused on protecting the kids, but we haven't done much to prevent them from being hurt."
"The sponsorship is helping a lot," protested Julius – Jonathan's father, whom Severus had gotten to know better during the previous summer.
"Yes, but it's not making people want to change the rules. They still don't understand why our traditions are better. We're not making enough of an impact," stated Doholov.
"Yes, we need to do something bigger. Something that will show the world that Birkins' people don't have our best interest at heart," agreed Bellatrix. "The crackdowns helped at first, but now that the Aurors are conducting financial audits and raids in the homes of our supporters who don't benefit from the protection of a strong House, we need something more striking."
Madam Pomfrey was pissed. Severus could see it in the stiffness of her movements as she looked for the various potions she needed to heal them, and in the tightness of her lips.
The fight had been a sight to behold. The bloodiest Severus had ever been involved in. He was so glad he was of legal age. He would not have relished having Lord Prince called to the Headmaster's office with the other legal guardians. Even if it might have afforded him the same protection as Abraxas' had offered him during his sixth year. He would never owe anything to the Prince House.
He winced as he forgot to breathe shallowly and felt his ribs flare in pain. They might be broken. Skelegrow tasted like Merlin's dirty old socks.
He took a quick glance around, feeling satisfaction curl in his stomach at the sight of the Marauders. They looked far worse than him. They were lucky that half of the Gryffindor quidditch team had come to their aid. He was lucky that Mulciber, Hatwood and Beaulieux had come upon them at that same time or Jonathan, Evan and himself were the ones who would have looked the worse for wear.
He had been hesitant at first when Evan had begun to spend more time with Mulciber's group. Severus had not forgotten the other student's weird behaviour during their fifth year. However, he had to admit that he was good for House unity and for bolstering the support of the younger years who did not understand why part of the school was shunning them. Mulciber had made good points about needing to find those in the other Houses who would support Slytherin's rules and oppose those Dumbledore's supporters who would hand over their world to Muggleborns and disfigure their tradition and Magic.
Mulciber definitely was the king of Slytherin this year, yet he always asked for his yearmates' opinion, especially Severus'.
It felt almost like being part of the Defenders. Severus could not wait to finally take the Mark.
Severus looked at the castle with a pang in his chest. He might never see it again.
Despite the Marauders and Dumbledore, Hogwarts had been happier than his home. He had found his dearest friends here.
He had also lost his dearest friend.
Severus pushed the thought in its Lily-cauldron, like he did everytime he found himself thinking about her. His friends would not understand why he missed a stupid Mudblood. Himself did not understand why he still missed her when she had cheerfully given up on him to cohort with b…y Potter.
It might be that sometimes, after a stupid remark from Slughorn or one of McGonagall's impressive Transfiguration feats, their eyes would meet and for one second, they would speak wordlessly to each other and know exactly what the other was thinking.
It might be that sometimes, he missed their heated discussion about right and wrong. It was not as fun to argue with people who thought more or less the same as you.
It might be that he still hoped that Lily would be Lily, so quick to anger but so quick to forgive.
"Are you trying to curse Hogwarts?"
Severus startled, cursing himself for losing sight of his surroundings. He was lucky Jonathan was the one to find him.
"Only saying goodbye."
"And thinking too much?" said Jonathan with a knowing look, coming to stand beside him.
Severus smiled wryly.
"That too."
His friend gently bumped their shoulders together.
"We're going to be great. I'll tell you everything I learn at Horewords and you'll come to spend some weekends with Evan and discover the US way of life. You will keep an eye on Evan and make him study for his apprenticeship while inventing new potions and spells to become the youngest double Master Grade I of all time."
Severus looked at Lucius, feeling torn. He hesitated, opening then closing his mouth.
"You're wondering why Father didn't ask you," guessed Lucius.
Severus nodded wordlessly. Lucius was offering him to officially become brothers by integrating into the Malfoy House. It warmed his heart and yet, it made him feel cold to think that Abraxas had not thought he deserved it.
"He wanted to."
Lucius hesitated.
"Augustus asked him not to. He thought that our motto would not suit you."
Severus felt a surge of rage which almost blinded him. Lucius may be willing to keep speaking with the man because he had known him his entire life, but Severus had no such obligation.
He forced himself to breathe.
"Who wouldn't want to survive?"
Severus certainly understood survival better than Lord Prince. Survivre, toujours. The Malfoys' motto would fit him like a glove.
Warmth. Focus. Acceptance. Support. Pride. Belonging.
Severus looked at his left arm in awe. The black skull was magnificent, the snake coming out from it looking almost alive.
Swearing his Oath to the Malfoy House had been like finding his soul. Taking the Mark was like coming home.
Severus looked at the body dispassionately. The injury looked like a knife wound. He only needed to use a potion mixing black tourmaline powder associated with eucalyptus leaves to absorb the lingering traces of magic on the body and nobody should ever suspect that the man had been killed by a Wizard.
The man did not look like much now, his Sunday clothes stained by his blood. Once, the stains would have been cheap wine or beer. Once, that man would not have been caught dead walking in the good part of town. In Surrey.
It had been a shock to Severus, who was coming back from his childhood home after setting up wards and arranging the beginning of a potionner's garden. Especially when he had spotted the man walking with a woman and a small child. He had followed them, only to discover that that man was now living the apple pie life while his first wife had committed suicide and Abraxas had been killed by Muggles who hated Magic as much as that man did.
Severus had seen red.
He did not regret his act. Any feelings of guilt and shame were hidden behind his Occlumency walls, safely ensconced in a small cauldron. He could not afford to make a mistake because of unwanted nostalgia. Who said people could change?
Who said he would not go back to the bottle if his new family did something he did not approve of?
His father's new family was better off without him.
"I knew you were a prodigy when you told me you were the one behind Eileen's apothecary, but I still did not expect this level of mastery," stated Master Richelieu, looking at Severus behind his half-moon glasses with a pensive look.
Severus tried to control his blush at the compliment. After brewing everything his Master had asked of him for the last month with barely any time to rest as he juggled with various potions, each demanding a different brewing pace which prevented him from getting more than two hours of sleep at once, he was proud but exhausted.
"I have nothing to teach you that you won't learn yourself with experience. I suspect it's even better for you to make your own experience and discoveries as to not bridle your imagination. Absolutely remarkable. I can guide you to discuss ideas and goals for your mastery project, but that's the end of it."
Severus stared at him. He knew he was good, but he had not expected this.
The older man chuckled at his expression.
"You were supposed to fail sometimes during this past month. It was supposed to be an evaluation of your competences, to gauge your strengths and weaknesses. Anyway, we will focus more heavily on Defence and curse breaking. You have shown a remarkable aptitude for feeling inside and outside magic in a controlled environment, now you need to be able to use this during fights. A true Defence Master is able to steal a spell from his opponent."
This time, Severus stared at him in wonder. How could you manage this? It would require to feel the spell of your adversary before or at the exact moment it was cast. And then, to… seize it? To wrapp it in your own magic? How would-
A loud laugh called his attention back to his Master.
"I can see the gears turning already. You've told me about your interest in runes, I think we could integrate in your studies how to use them on objects to bolster defence or attacks for example. I might need to call a friend with a broader experience..."
Master Richelieu spoke and spoke, sketching out ideas and ambitions and hopes for a brilliant future. Severus had never been more certain he had made the right choice, becoming an apprentice instead of following Jonathan to Horeword. He could not wait to begin.
How had it gone wrong so quickly?
Severus stood beside Jonathan, Evan on his other side, as they attended yet another funeral. His friend's sister was trying hard to hold back her tears while his mother squeezed her son's hand in a white-knuckled grip.
Once more, a father had died trying to protect muggleborn children. This time, from the Aurors who wanted to take them back to their hateful families. All because Birkins had not appreciated the latest Defenders' campaign.
Ambushing ministry employees and scaring them into admitting their wrong-doings publicly had been surprisingly effective in the polls, especially when Bletchley, a junior aide, admitted that one of the financial audits led against Smith, one of Lord Voldemort's backers without any ties to the Noble Houses, was conducted without any warrant. Lord Voldemort and Birkins now were dead even in the polls. Severus did not really enjoy the ambushes though planning them could be an interesting challenge, but he seldom was asked to partake in them, busy as he was with his apprenticeship.
In retribution, the Aurors had focused on getting back the muggleborn children taken by the Defenders from their abusive home. They had managed to find one location and Jonathan's father, as a member of the ministry, had rushed in to try to plead against them being taken back home.
Of course, they said it was an accident. An involuntary manslaughter. Even when the Auror who had killed Jonathan's father was Brumbley's brother, one of the Defender's targets a few weeks ago.
After the funeral, the three of them opened a bottle of French calva, a gift from Abraxas to Severus as the best digestive in the world, magical or not.
"To Father," said Jonathan quietly.
"To Julius," echoed Evan and Severus before each taking a sip of their drink.
The warmth of the liquid was welcome.
Severus sighed as he contemplated his safe place. All the cauldrons were bubbling, almost overflowing with contained feelings.
While the potion vials were his way to order his memories and easily access them, also making it easier to retain information, the cauldrons were his means to regulate his feelings so as not to be overwhelmed by them. It was different from his trapdoor: the boxes within contained feelings he had unconsciously repressed because they could have endangered him.
Severus used his cauldrons consciously, acknowledging a feeling but needing to process it at a later time. The problem was that lately, there were too many of them and he did not have the time to revisit them.
Since Julius' death, the group's raids had increased in intensity and numbers. Where before they had been about humiliation and obtaining confession of guilt, they now were about punishment and physical injuries. An eye for an eye.
At first, their targets had been the Muggleborns who refused to learn about the Wizarding World and the traitors. The Purebloods who knew better about traditions but still opposed them. Those with powerful situations who still wanted to become Muggle-like.
But it was not enough to win. So they were attacking their families too. They did not want to do this. But the officials were not listening. They had cheated, bending their own laws to prevent Lord Voldemort, their Dark Lord, from winning.
Yet, it often reminded Severus of the Marauders' actions during their Hogwarts' years, and he had to push any regrets and shame behind his Occlumency walls in order not to make any mistakes or show any weakness that Bellatrix could use against him.
That was something else he had not truly expected. There were different factions within the group, each vying for Lord Voldemort's favours in the hope of influencing the group's actions, despite the fact that they always voted on their decisions. Bellatrix and Mulciber were especially keen on earning the title of Lord Voldemort's favourite. It meant that when Lord Voldemort took too much interest in someone else, they did their utmost to highlight their every mistake.
Severus was not often put in the spotlight, yet it seemed to be clear to everyone that Lord Voldemort had a soft spot for him. Mulciber seemed to grudgingly bear it thanks to their last Hogwarts' year alliance, but Bellatrix was vicious.
Severus had lost count of the number of times he had Occlumency to thank for tempering his first impulse and keeping a cool head. It also meant that she always volunteered to be on the same raids as he was. He could show no sympathy for their victims.
Shaking his head to himself, Severus focused back on the task at hand: creating more space to add more cauldrons. And why not add a few more defences, just in case. Maybe he could add a few invisible Thestrals ready to jump on the unwary intruder.
Severus stared at the bottle of calva. He would never stoop so low as to get drunk on beer or cheap wine. He usually would not stoop so low as to get drunk, period. However, Lily had become James Potter's wife today.
Severus had no doubt that she now belonged to Dumbledore's famous secret Order of the Phoenix which was supposed to save the world from the big bad Slytherins. The secret group which was supposed to give a hand to the Aurors against the Death Eaters' raids. He knew he wouldn't be able to harm her. Despite everything, she was the reason why he had not been completely jaded before coming to Hogwarts.
Severus took another swallow of his drink, letting the burn remind him that he could feel something. This was what defeat felt like.
He was well over his third-year crush on Lily. Yet, losing his friend to his bully was a bitter pill to swallow. Even more so when there were rumours of pregnancy.
Sometimes, he wondered what would have happened if Lily had truly met Abraxas and Lucius. If she had been able to meet them during their first year summer, before everything became tainted by politics.
"Honestly Sev, the little girl in me will always cherish the little boy who told me I should not be afraid of my magic. But now it is time we part ways."
Chuckling bitterly at his bout of naivety, Severus took the bottle and served himself another drink.
Severus felt a smile stretch his mouth, exhilaration and adrenaline spurring him on. He veered on the right, enjoying the rush of air against his cheeks, silently thanking Master Richelieu for teaching him how to fly when he had expressed his dislike of brooms.
His Apprenticeship was serving him well now that the raids were more and more ending in fights against the Aurors and Dumbledore's supposedly secret Order. Just now, he had barely escaped a trap, the Aurors having somehow guessed or been told that the Death Eaters would target Bristow, the International Magical Office of Law deputy within the Department of International Magical Cooperation. According to Yaxley, the man was currently trying to get other countries to help against the Death Eaters, and more particularly to freeze some of the Noble Houses' foreign assets.
Finally, Severus crossed the wards' limit. He landed and immediately apparated to Fox Covert, a nearly deserted wood which was close enough to Wizarding homes that his magical presence would not be perceptible if the ministry ever thought to look for it. Then, he cast a succession of detection spells, checking for tracker spells. Finding none, he let himself relax and slightly loosened his hold on his Occlumency shields.
"It's a trap! Merlin, there must be at least twenty of them!"
"They set up anti-apparition wards!"
Cast, block, avoid.
Stun, avoid, stun, block.
Jump, cast, roll, cast, avoid.
"There's too many of them!"
Evan stumbled as a spell caught his shoulder. Jonathan moved to cover him.
Five of them were already on the ground, stunned or worse. He and his friends were the only ones standing.
They needed to leave the wards' limits, no matter the cost.
"When I tell you, activate the breathing filter in your mask and prepare to take Evan away and run until you can apparate."
"What about you?"
"I have a plan."
"Now!"
He was so grateful he had taken some of his potions with him, just in case. The toxic fumes were already getting to the Aurors, making them falter, coughing and crying as breathing became hard. All of them except Moody who moved to prevent him from going after his friends, blocking his spells.
Moody was better than him. He was losing ground.
Sectumsempra.
The man howled, folding on himself as blood spurted from his eye, his torso, his leg. There was so much blood.
He cast the counter-curse, stopping the curse from draining the Auror of his magic completely.
Severus threw up, hands shaking as he retched and retched, the taste of blood and copper filling his mouth.
He needed to pay his sacrifice to the Dark. He needed to check on Evan and Jonathan. He needed to go home to Malfoy Manor and reassure Lucius that he was alright. He needed to report their failure to his Lord.
Hastily, he put the memories back into their cauldron.
Taking a deep breath, his face and mind calm and frozen as ice, Severus apparated away.
Death Eaters definitely fall to the Dark side!
Aurors' task force almost decimated after a failed ambush!
Famous Auror Moody between life and death.
Minister Birkins declares the Death Eaters are a terrorist organisation!
Dumbledore asks for Lord Voldemort's arrest, Wizengamott divided!
Severus stirred clockwise, his mind only half on brewing his current potion.
Master Richelieu had contracts with different European hospitals, and part of Severus' apprenticeship included brewing potions for those hospitals' patients when the potions required to be adapted for their specific case. To Severus' frustration, the thrill of brewing useful remedies had been gone after his first months, and now it was as boring as brewing for Eileen's Apothecary. Well, it depended on the potions but Severus had expected more challenges than he got.
Right now, he was more intrigued by the rumours that Regulus Black had reported during the previous meeting. A potion supposed to prevent Werewolves' dementia during the full moon had been submitted to Saint Mungo for patent.
Lord Voldemort's reward was still unclaimed after all these years, though not for lack of trying from what Severus had read in the Potion newsletters Master Richelieu had lent him. Severus had considered making this his mastery project, however, his Master had advised against it, stating the subject was so complicated that Severus might fail his mastery because of it.
Which left Severus floundering to find another mastery subject.
Severus listened grimly as Mulciber listed the Death Eaters who had been arrested during the last week. Most of them were Slytherins of low birth without any House's support.
They had tried to come for Severus too, but he and Lucius had already planned for this eventuality. Master Richelieu had only needed to stall for a few minutes before the Malfoys' lawyer arrived. The look on the Aurors' face had been priceless. Apparently, they were not aware that Severus now belonged to House Malfoy.
The group needed to organise themselves to have more prominent lawyers at hand.
Councillor murdered by Death Eaters, Minister of Magic election postponed until the terrorist organisation is crushed!
Minister Birkins granted Merlin powers, Lord Voldemort under wanted notice!
The Minister of Magic's speech on page 4.
Chief of Wizengamott Albus Dumbledore backs up Minister Birkins completely during these Dark times, see interview page 5.
Minister Birkins institutes curfew and increases security checks in public places.
Civil war is officially happening!
Severus carefully annotated yet another potion recipe, frowning as he contemplated his work. These potions did not feel nearly enough to help Narcissa healthily carry on her unborn son to term.
He knew she was followed by the best French Healer specialised in births, yet she still looked too pale and frail every time he visited her at Drythenhold. These potions were centuries old. Certainly someone must have created more recent and effective ones.
Helhest, he would create one himself if he had to. Lucius and Narcissa would not lose their heir.
Severus slowly got back on his feet, straightening his clothes and brushing dust from his robe. The Hog's Head used to be neutral grounds, as long as you were a paying customer and did not carry on illegal business. Of course, the fact that its owner, Alberforth Dumbledore, had caught Severus eavesdropping on his older brother might have influenced his decision to literally throw Severus out from the pub.
At least, Severus had plenty of time to go home and think about what he had learnt in the pub before curfew.
Lord Voldemort had tasked him to spy on Dumbledore's interview with his potential candidates for the Divination teacher position next school year. Tonight was the third interview Severus had spied on. The candidate completely looked the part of a muggle caravan seer. She spoke with an irritating dreamy voice, speaking in supposedly sibilant riddles that were just utter nonsense.
Severus had been ready to end the evening bored out of his mind, but she had surprised him by upping her show just as he was on the brink of falling asleep. Her act was quite good, her voice suddenly turning deep and cavernous, with an echo-like quality, as she enunciated what people who believed in predicting the future would qualify as a prophecy.
"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not…"
Too bad he had not been able to hear all of it. He was curious to know how the fraud would have ended it. Honestly, the Wizarding World lacked rational thinking, and nothing highlighted this as much as the practice of Divination. Prophecies were at best so vague that they could be interpreted multiple ways, and at worst self-fulfilled by credulous idiots. Dumbledore would no doubt use it in some convoluted scheme. Which meant that Severus needed to report to Lord Voldemort.
Sighing as he thought of the nice armchair and fire waiting for him at Malfoy Manor, Severus apparated to Fox Covert.
Severus quickly strengthened his Occlumency shields, thickening his potions fumes as he listened to Lord Nott's cousin, Parkinson and MacNair boast about their latest exploit.
He could not believe that Lily's parents were dead. He had been uneasy when their home had been targeted for a raid, among other Muggleborns' relatives' homes, to teach them that Muggles and Wizards had nothing in common. Yet, he had not imagined they would be killed. Roughened up, certainly. Threatened, humiliated. They would survive the same as he had. But killed.
Killing outside of protecting children and raid fights was becoming more and more common for the group since Baxter's torture and subsequent murder. Severus was not sure he agreed with it.
"Sev… They killed a Man. With magic. He could not even defend himself against it."
He ignored the voice in his mind which sounded suspiciously like Lily, an echo from an argument so long ago. No, he feared that killing when they had another choice would not endear them to the public. But as he looked around him, he felt that he might be the only one.
Severus looked at Narcissa, panicked, as he held her son as if he was made of glass.
"Why did you give him to me? I'm going to break him!"
"Nonsense Severus, you are careful and sure handed enough to brew very delicate potions, I'm sure you can handle Draco. It's been two months already, we are both fine, mostly thanks to your potions."
Severus turned his head towards Lucius, silently asking him to take the precious burden away from him.
His traitorous brother was no help.
"Now Severus, don't tell me you can face the Potionners Guild's examination board, Aurors, and even Bellatrix without breaking a sweat only to become a mess just holding my son."
When he put it like that.
Severus took a slow breath, lightly thickening the fumes of his potion lab mind to prevent his hands from shaking, and looked at the baby in his arms.
Draco objectively was a beautiful baby. His light blue eyes illuminated his rosy face. The baby's eyes seemed to capture Severus' as he let out a delighted gurggle, offering him a smile.
"I told you he liked you," said Lucius, a smile in his eyes as he came to stand next to Severus.
"It's not because he likes me that I won't let him fall," answered Severus softly, though the way he cradled the baby, his eyes never leaving his face, belied his words.
"We know you won't. You better not, or you'll be a lousy Godfather, and we all know you're a perfectionist."
"His Godfather?" echoed Severus, stunned.
Lucius rolled his eyes.
"Who else would we ask?"
Severus had a hard time preventing his eyebrows from climbing up to his forehead as he listened to the most stupid debate he had ever heard among the Death Eaters. They believed in the supposed prophecy he had overheard about nine months ago.
"I can't believe that Hogwarts is still proposing a Divination course! It's completely illogical when you think about all the legends that go wrong because of a prophecy or a vision!"
He ignored Lily's voice which was becoming more and more present in his mind lately.
Lord Voldemort was a Halfblood, similar to Severus. When had he begun to believe in this drivel? When had the others lost all common sense to the point that they wanted to identify the Lord's supposed future killers who were only two months old right now to have them adopted by members of the group?
Severus shivered as he caught Bellatrix's gleaming eyes. She would adopt a kid over his dead body.
"I know you would not hurt me Sev, at least not on purpose. But he could be deceiving you, you know. Who says his last declarations are not what he really thinks?"
Severus shakily took one gulp of Calva. Lily's son was one of the two kids identified in the Prophecy.
"You're good with him," said Jonathan with a smile, watching Severus distract Draco with a luminous butterfly.
"Who would have thought?" answered Severus wryly.
"You've always done your best for the people you actually like. And you weren't bad with the younger years during our last Hogwarts years."
Except during the weeks after Abraxas' death went unsaid.
"I can feel him through our Godfather's bond. It's… nice, now that I'm used to it," admitted Severus.
Jonathan nodded knowingly.
"It will be mutual. Mine was a great help when Father died."
Severus squeezed his friend's shoulder briefly in commiseration.
They remained in a companionable silence for a time, happy to watch Draco giggle as he tried to seize the light butterflies.
"Are we really going to kidnap kids from loving families?"
Severus sighed.
"What else can we do?
"I'm just so tired of trying to make you see what you do not want to…"
Lily's voice echoed in his mind long after Jonathan left.
Severus closed the newspaper thoughtfully. Lord Potter was dead, victim of Certa mor, a fast-acting deadly potion. A potion which was notoriously hard to brew, with ingredients hard to provide.
Who had interest in killing the Head of House Potter and who were they trying to frame?
Lord Potter was only a name in the long list of elder Wizards from both sides of the war who had died in the last year. While most of the deaths had been deemed accidental, Severus had to wonder. Most of them had been trying to hold a nuanced position. Who would benefit from both sides taking on more and more extreme stances?
If it hadn't been known that Lord Potter had been Dumbledore's close friend, Severus would have suspected the Headmaster. The Blacks also were likely culprits, especially for the accidental deaths. Whoever they were, they had sadly missed Lord Prince, who had only taken ill and left for Asia to recover in his son's home a few months ago.
Severus put his horror and alarm into a cauldron, hoping his face did not show any of his feelings. The Dark Lord had completely blindsided him by agreeing with Bellatrix about the need to kill the babies of the Prophecy.
"He's hurting people Sev! Killing them when they cannot defend themselves. He's kidnapping children. It's like he thinks laws don't apply to him. And many Purebloods are supporting him. Like Mulciber. You know what he did to Mary. Can't you see they are not good?"
When had he become unable to predict his Lord's reaction? And why were there so few of them to oppose the idea? Was it only fear to show their disagreement and be shunned from the group, or was it something more?
"Keep working on your duelling skills. I will give you what you need to breach the wards," stated the Dark Lord confidently. "I don't want to reveal too much on the off chance that one of us is caught by the Aurors, but I know how to enter Longbottom Manor. You need to find out more about the Potters' protections."
What should he do? He knew he would never be able to look at himself in the mirror if he let Lily's son be killed without warning her of the danger. Even the thought of letting the Longbottoms in the dark left a bitter taste in his mouth. Yet, he would put himself in danger, and his friends and family with him.
"Sev! I wasn't sure you would come."
"I'm always here for you Lily. You know it."
"I wasn't sure. We do not see each other much this year."
Luckily, he had at least a couple of weeks to make his decision.
Severus' entire body shook with pain, the prolonged Cruciatus curse feeling like liquid fire poured over his nerves. He did not scream, his mind carefully hidden behind his Occlumency shield, waiting for the moment when it would be safe to come out.
Finally, the Dark Lord stopped, looking reluctantly impressed.
"One last time, Severus. Do you really wish to waste your favour over something so inconsequential?"
Severus forced himself to get on his knees. He was so glad the Lord had accepted to meet him in private.
"Yes, my Lord."
Lord Voldemort remained silent for an eternity before finally nodding.
"Very well. The day I come for her son, I will offer your Mudblood the opportunity to save her life."
"Thank you my Lord."
Severus did not lose himself in obsequious thanks. This was not his way, and he had noticed that the Lord respected him for it.
"This will be your first and last favour, Severus. Unless you have something priceless to offer."
"Yes, my Lord," agreed Severus, bowing once more to his leader.
It was not much. He might only have won her a few seconds, because she would never let her son die to save her life. But it might be enough for her to escape with him.
Now he needed to work on his secret projects to have something to offer Lord Voldemort if his family or his friends needed such a favour one day.
Severus watched with both awe and dread as the Dark Lord demonstrated how to cast the Imperius curse and to keep the targeted mind under control. The man could use magic with a dexterity that few could equal, and often provided novel insights about magical theory. Sadly, he also showed a coldness that now bordered with a madness that reminded Severus of Bellatrix or Sirius Black.
"You're not listening to me when I'm telling you Lord Voldemort is not good for you."
The rumours were that the Blacks had lost themselves to the Dark. Could his Lord be losing his mastery over the Dark? Such a ludicrous idea, and yet…
"How are you feeling?" asked Lucius, not trying to hide his worry.
"A bit shaky."
"That's not funny, Severus!" snapped his brother. "Stop antagonising Bellatrix! She's as much our Lord's favourite as you are!"
"I think her Cruciatus lasted two seconds longer than mine," answered Severus, trying to control his shaking hands.
"Severus!"
"Lucius. Her madness and her cruelty are a danger to our group. I can't just let her propose to retrieve all Muggleborns from their family no matter if they are well treated or not!"
He met Lucius' eyes steadily. He did not regret arguing with Bellatrix.
In the end, Lord Voldemort had agreed that her proposal was over the top. The Dark Lord had been less pleased when their argument had almost devolved into a duel. Hence the Cruciatus.
The Lord was relying more and more on the spell to show his discontent with the members of the group. It worried Severus as it was another sign in favour of his possible addiction to the Dark. But he did not dare share his worry with Lucius. He had no real proof.
Lucius sighed.
"I know Severus. But you need to find another way to get your opinion across."
Severus raised an eyebrow at him. They both knew it did not work anymore.
"Just… Rest, will you?"
Nodding, Severus slowly lay on the bed. His brother left the room quietly.
After several minutes, he was still shaking, the pain coming and going. His Lord had been very displeased at the two of them. But he had been proud that they had both been able to get back on their feet, even if they were shaking. He had once more claimed that they were his favourites.
It did not help with the pain. Severus glanced at the chest in the right corner of the room, hesitating.
"You are not suffering uselessly when Madam Pomfrey can certainly help you."
Sighing, he stood up shakily and walked slowly to the chest, wandlessly activating the unlocking rune. Then, he took a vial full of a blue potion from it and drank it in one go.
Laying back on his bed, Severus tried to breathe slowly and relax his body to help the potion work. After only a few minutes, the shakes disappeared, only leaving a lingering pain and soreness. He was still experimenting with the potion, but it already helped a lot with the after-effect of the Cruciatus.
Tonight's meeting had made one thing clear to Severus: he could not trust Lord Voldemort to make rational decisions and overcome his angry impulses. Which meant he could not trust the Lord to spare Lily. Neither could he trust him not to send his brother or his friends to their death in a bid to get to the kids.
Severus stared at the castle, reviewing his plan.
They had been trying to put a spy in Hogwarts, close to Dumbledore, for a long time. Slughorn's retirement at the end of the current school year was the perfect opportunity and Severus had been asked to apply for the post of Potion Professor. His mission was to get the old man to trust him. As if the Headmaster would ever trust a Slytherin.
Severus despised the idea of teaching dunderheads who could only hope to be passable in the potion art, but it was the opportunity he had been waiting for. He had an excuse to speak with Dumbledore and offer his service as a spy for the Order.
Severus was under no illusion that he would be trusted at first. But he figured that he could play the fool in love with Lily well enough to convince Dumbledore that he was a pitiable selfish man who only wanted to save his eternal love.
The man would never know that Severus would try to use him to protect his family and his friends from the Order, and to ensure that no matter the winner, they would survive.
Squaring his shoulders, Severus walked with a decisive step toward the huge entrance door.
Spying was more complicated than he had thought. Dumbledore distrusted him and treated him with haughty disdain while the Dark Lord was disappointed with his lack of useful findings. Both kept using Legilimency to see his memory of each of their respected interactions. If he had not been a natural Occlumens with a long time of practice, they would have known all his secrets. Instead, he sported a constant headache.
He was using Occlumency too much, to protect his thoughts and to keep his reactions from betraying him, but it was the only thing holding him up. He tried to clean his trapdoor regularly, but some boxes were just too dangerous to open now and he risked losing himself inside his own mind.
He could not wait for this civil war to end.
Severus stared at the gravestone numbly. He had failed. Jonathan was dead, killed during a raid. The circumstances of his death were unclear, but the Wilkes family name now was officially linked to the Death Eaters. The Aurors were searching their home, unmoved by Jonathan's mourning mother and sister.
Severus knew that his home and Evan's were next, as his known close friends. He wished he could hit something. Instead, he put the feeling inside a cauldron and apparated back to Malfoy Manor. His lawyer was waiting for him.
"You cowards!" raged Bellatrix, casting Bombardio, Percutiens and Impedimenta around indiscriminately.
Breamont, Beaulieux and Gibbon were unconscious on the ground, not having had the reflex to shield themselves, move away from Bellatrix or hide behind someone else.
"Calm yourself, Bella!"
"Calm myself, Uncle? The Aurors have kidnapped your son, hidden him away to torture him, and you want me to calm myself?" hissed the mad woman. "You should be here with me, planning how to invade the ministry to get him back!"
"Regulus is dead Bella!"
Silence followed Lord Black's statement.
"What do you mean, dead?" asked Bellatrix, suddenly frozen in place.
"I felt him die earlier. But I can't find him."
"So they have him. We must find him. They must have blocked your bond. Uncle, we have to find him."
Bellatrix looked at Lord Black with eyes dark as night that suddenly showed more vulnerability than Severus had ever seen her express.
Slowly, the Lord approached her.
"We cannot rush in blindly, Bella. This has to be a trap. They already got too many of us."
"Indeed."
Everybody straightened up as the Dark Lord entered the room.
"I promise we will avenge your cousin, Bella."
The Lord looked at each of them in turn, his gaze stopping on Evan.
"We will avenge all of them. But we are not Gryffindors. Please sit. We'll review what we know."
Severus took his place silently, stealing glances towards Evan. Since Jonathan's death, his friend had become even closer to Mulciber. He was now part of the group that asked to be on all raids, taking pleasure in hurting their opponents.
Severus had no idea how to reach out to him. While he had chosen to close himself, hiding his grief behind potions fumes at the bottom of his mind, Evan was shouting his pain at the face of their world.
Severus woke up with a gasp, heart beating too fast, sweating like he had run a thousand miles. Dhaal was nuzzling him, wings agitated with concern.
Severus blinked, taking in the faint lingering smell of the mix of incense that Pandora had burnt in his room before he had gone to bed. He was never letting her experiment on him again, no matter how determined she was in her quest to make him believe in divination.
He took deep breaths, trying to calm his body. The dream… nightmare really, had felt so real… He looked down at his left arm, relieved to find it unblemished by the atrocious mark.
Severus shivered, thinking back to that day in the library. He had felt those doubts. He had hesitated before finally broaching the subject of emancipation with his Mentor. Abraxas had been so enthusiastic that it almost felt like he had proposed himself as Severus' financial caution. His Mentor was the one who had bolstered him the whole way to emancipation then his NEWTs, without ever asking for anything in return.
Where would he be today if he had not put his trust in his Mentor?
Marked and too close to the problem to make sense of it.
Severus shivered. Yes, this nightmare was far too realistic for his peace of mind. To have never met Drunek and his Goblin family. And, Tuei. To be estranged from Lily and Petunia. To have known the grief of Jonathan's death… He felt his breath quicken as detailed pictures from his nightmare flashed before his eyes… not like any dream he had ever had.
Warmth against his right arm shook him out of his building panic. He looked down, sighing in relief at the sight that greeted him: Dhaal had shrunk himself and was pressing against Severus' side. Chuckling softly, Severus took his Familiar in his arms and snuggled with him back in his bed, glad for his presence. He could not fathom a life without his Familiar.
The events of the past weeks had certainly shaken him. Since the funeral and the reading of Lord Voldemort's diaries, he had worked hard on Marvolo's research diary on legilimency as well as his great grandfather's work on the Cruciatus in hope of finding ideas on how to help Jonathan. At the same time, he was also trying to help the group find a suitable candidate for the election.
He was ever so grateful that Family Ressurs had contacted him to assure him that they would understand if he did not begin working on their project until after the election was done. Still, it gave him less than three months, and he also had to attend Defenders' meetings, support his own apprentices and teach at Hogwarts. This was without counting the review of the potionners and herbalists that Andromeda wanted to hire to launch Eileen's Apothecary.
He sighed, thinking back to his incredibly realistic dream. Pandora may not have opened his third eye, but she certainly had found an effective torture device. He had not had such nightmares even when he had been looking for a solution to the Horcruxes problem.
He had humoured her when she brought up this experiment after he had ranted about the Defenders being stuck and unable to choose their candidate. She had said he had nothing to lose by trying. Andromeda had joked it might convince him seer magic was a true kind of magic if he saw a vision of the future Defenders' leader. The members of his house members just did not understand that they could not decide on their candidate because there were none. They all were too cautious, either not feeling up to shouldering Lord Voldemort's legacy or wallowing in guilt. At least, nobody had aimed even a single suspicious look at their Horcrux group. Everyone was still trying to find their feet after the stunning events of the last days.
Severus sighed again, trying to put himself in a comfortable position to find sleep again.
I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord
Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord
Severus huffed. It was not enough that the song was playing endlessly on the radio, it had to bother him at night.
Well, if you told me you were drowning
I would not lend a hand
I've seen your face before my friend
But I don't know if you know who I am
Well, I was there and I saw what you did
I saw it with my own two eyes
So you can wipe off that grin,
I know where you've been
It's all been a pack of lies
I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
He just could not shake the infuriating song out of his head. The Muggle song, from someone named Phil Collins, had been a hit on the Wizard radio for the last weeks, its lyrics seeming to herald changes to come as everyone was holding on their breath waiting for the election.
The atmosphere was fraught with tension, but the true surprise was that there already were three candidates other than Birkins. Without Dumbledore to awe or cow those able to think for themselves, other directions for the future of their world were being proposed. Everyone was just waiting for the Defenders' candidate to begin the campaign in earnest.
"You're keeping me awake," Sensed Dhaal with a grumble.
"Sorry," Sensed back Severus, sheepish.
He could worry about this at length during the day.
Focusing on Dhaal's soothing heartbeat, Severus' breathing gradually evened out until he fell asleep, thinking of how lucky he was to have made the right choice, the solo drums of the song echoing in his head.
