Chapter 8

Daniel sat on the infirmary exam table wearing the paper sheet that Janet had given him. He found being a three foot tall minion gave the world a whole new perspective as he was now child size in comparison.

Janet sat on the rolling stool going over her findings with her friend. "The good news is, Daniel that you are perfectly healthy…for a minion. No defects, nothing that will be detrimental. Sam is working on how to reverse it but in the mean time, you are stable."

Daniel confessed, "I am trying to look on the bright side. I noticed my allergies are gone. I guess no nose can be a good thing."

She gave a half smile, "Minions have pretty hardy DNA. You will notice differences."

"Least I still have my hair." he touched the top of his head with the little three fingered yellow hand.

She smiled, "And your eyes."

He squinted, "Wish I could see."

The door of the exam room swung open without even a knock. In walked Kevin, Stuart and Bob. The three had come to see Daniel upon hearing of the accident. The three minions greeted upon entry.

"Bello!" stated Kevin. He walked straight to Daniel smiling and the held up a pair of goggles. "Dga goggles."

Janet found minions had little in regard of manners or privacy when it came to other minions. She gave a look, "You three could have knocked, you know."

"Knock knock." Stuart replied amused.

Bob's eyes landed on Daniel's thick head of hair. He crawled up on the table beside Daniel and felt the hair to see if it was real. He became rather envious of the unusual hair that Daniel possessed. "In." he noted the hair.

Daniel's hair glimmered in the eyes of the minions much like a prize. Suddenly, they all wanted hair like Daniel's. They started the talk amongst themselves.

Janet asked, "What are they saying, Daniel?"

"They all love my hair." he told her amused.

She tried to make him feel better. "I loved your hair before you became a minion."

"Thanks." he laughed as the three minions all became fascinated with his hair.

A knock came at the door. It was Jack. He stood in the doorway and looked upon the minion version of Daniel. He didn't know what to say to his friend. He stood in shock. "Frasier! Is Daniel…stable?"

She assured, "Healthy as a minion."

Daniel looked over, "I know how it looks, Jack. Sam will fix it. I got sucked into that Eye that changed Steve and brought him here. I suppose it could have been worse. I could be a minion in Steve's world."

Jack assured, "Carter will fix this." He noticed the three minions fixated on Daniel's hair. "What is it with you, three?" he asked them.

Daniel explained, "I'm the minion with hair. They like my hair." He listened to their chatter and added, "They think I'm handsome." he bragged. "I'm the best looking minion on the block." he jested.

Kevin, Stuart and Bob took the jest as a proclamation. Suddenly, there was a new minion with brown hair and he was better looking. Well, no minion could stand for that. They too would have to be handsome for minions tended to get jealous. The three climbed down from the table and made their way out of the room still talking in minion amongst themselves.

Jack watched them leave. "What was that all about?"

Daniel cocked his head, "I'm not sure. Something about hair and wigs." He then placed the goggles on that Kevin had given him. He stated surprised, "They did it! The minions made me prescription goggles." He lifted the goggles and then placed them on his face again. "These guys can make anything."

Jack agreed, "I know. I just wish they would be more careful and not blow things up." He then got an idea. "Ya know, Daniel. With you being a minion, you could kind of push the other minions in the right direction."

"What do you mean, Jack?" he asked.

He waved his arms, "Minions are crazy. They are these little genius…things…that lack any morals and likes to fight, slap, bite and just cause a ruckus. Maybe you could teach them some morals and standards?"

"Minions are 60 million years old, Jack. I'm sure they know more than I do…" he tailed off as he realized the minions could expose any deep secrets hidden from humans.

He agreed, "And they are all little…minions." he reached for a word. "They are nuts, Daniel. They have no sense of right and wrong. They need your help and guidance."

"I'll see what I can do." he agreed as he realized the minions might be able to show him things he never would have seen as a human.

Short Time Later

After assuring General Hammond that Daniel was stable but a minion the General decided to remove Daniel from SG-1 for safety reasons. Steve LaMinion volunteered to fill in for Daniel as he too knew Ancient as he learned it from the "Boring Ones" as the minions informed.

It was an odd situation. Minion Steve was now human and working Daniel's job on SG-1 and Daniel was now a minion and found himself working and living with the minions. He found the minions looked much the same but each had a distinct personality and traits. But the first mystery to crack for the linguist/archeologist was the minion obsession with bananas. Upon entering the recreation room that was designated to the minions he noticed just about every single minion had been eating a banana. He walked over to the table filled with fruit that Walter kept well stocked. He grabbed a banana and shrugged wondering what is was that a minion found irresistible. He peeled the fruit and took a bite.

Upon the first bite Daniel tasted the best banana he ever ate in his life. It was creamy, smooth and heavenly. He figured it must be the taste buds of a minion. The banana tasted far better than he ever imagined. He walked over to a mirror near the lockers. He looked at himself, holding the banana. He stuck his tongue out and then made a note to himself. "My tongue is huge. I got at least a thousand more taste buds." he then cocked an eyebrow, "I bet I can taste a lot more than before now. Hmm…no nose…so taste buds make up for the lack of smell. Interesting." his scientific mind analyzed the reasoning.

He then noticed the minions in the mirror had all placed wigs on their heads. He turned and found each minion was now sporting hair, much like his own. He found some had different wigs that resembled Jack's hair and Sam's hair. He looked over at a minion with red hair that was in the same style Janet wore. As he looked about he also noticed the minions made other uniforms. Some uniforms were blue trousers with light blue dress shirts to imitates the officers. He then understood they were imitating the personal at the SGC. "They like to play dress up." he soon assessed.

Kevin, Stuart and Bob came front and center before Daniel. Kevin started to speak, "Maxguv da at tribe, Daniel." He looked to Stuart who in turn stepped forward with a gift wrapped nicely in a box with blue wrapping paper and a bow.

"You guys didn't have to get me anything." he replied as he graciously accepted the present.

"Open" Bob urged excited.

Daniel placed the box before him on the floor and then opened the present. He found the minions made him a set of BDU's in his new size. The set had each battle dress uniform color, compete with matching boots, gloves and his classic bucket style hat. He looked down at the bib overalls and boots he was given to wear upon being released from the infirmary. A slight smile crept across his face as the minions gave him back a sense of his old job. "Thanks guys." he told them.

Bob reached in a grabbed the blue colored battle dress uniform. He held it up, "Try on." he asked.

"Okay," he laughed. "I'll try it on." For Daniel the minion body was void of any real gender characteristics. They lacked nipples, lacked a belly button and did not stand to urinate but would rather squat. For Daniel is was a body that had little to hide. He began to take off the overalls as the other minions held up a hand to stop him from changing clothes before them.

Stuart stated, "Stop! Uso at dressing bys." He pointed to an area in the corner behind a privacy curtain the minions gained from the infirmary.

"Um…okay…" Daniel took the clothing to the corner to change in private. He found it odd the minions who would barge in on any human in any situation had different rules for themselves. Upon changing into the minion version of his SG-1 uniform he stepped out. He looked about and found one of the minions sitting on top of a officer copier with his butt on the glass making copies.

"Butt." Kyle laughed as he gathered the copies.

Daniel walked over to the copier and asked, "What are you and Jerry doing?"

Kyle handed him the sheet of paper and laughed, "Butt."

Daniel stated, "You guys have the humor of teenage boys in high school." He walked away as the pair laughed some more. He pondered, "Now how do I get their attention?" His eyes settled on the table fill with fruit. He climbed up on the table with the aid of a chair. He stood before the pile of fruit knowing it kept the minions happy. He took a banana, placed it on the table and then smashed it with his booted foot.

The act got the attention of the minions as to purposely destroy a banana was an act of heresy for a minion. They all stopped what they were doing and looked upon Daniel in shock.

He smirked, "Now that I got your attention! I would like to say a few things. I want to know everything you know about the Ancients. The Boring Ones."

Kevin stood forth and motioned towards Fred, "Chalk ute."

Minion Fred then went to the chalkboard in the corner and rolled it forward. A group of minions then started to draw on the board. Kevin was handed a pointing stick as he was to give the presentation. He started, "Bada fem sanc." he started.

"Yes, there were four great races here too." Daniel told him. "The Ancients, the Nox, the Asgard and the Furlings. We know all that. Do you know what happened to the Furlings? That's a bit of a mystery for us."

The minions chattered amongst themselves. Kevin stated, "Dead!"

He asked, "How did they die?"

Bob made a symbol on the chalk board. Daniel looked upon the symbol that seemed to be an Ancient symbol to him.

Stuart recalled, "Ori. Ori…suck."

Alarmed Daniel asked, "What is the Ori?"

"Boring ones." he informed. "Worship nos sif shh." he then made a motion as if a throat was cut. He rolled his eyes up and then fell over to play dead in a dramatic fashion.

Bob then wrote out the Gate address of where the Ori came from on the chalk board.

Daniel gasped, "That's another galaxy."

The minions chatted between themselves about how much they didn't like the Ori.

Daniel asked, "What happened to the Asgard in your reality?"

Bob then drew an image of a flying saucer and a beam going down to a stick figure on the board. He stated, "Grays! Nupi huma." He reported the Asgard were called the Grays and they took people.

"You have got to be kidding me." he gasped. "Thor is abducting people in your world?"

Kevin shook his head, "Loki!"

"And where is Thor in your reality?" he asked confused.

Kevin explained as best he could with hand motions, sound effects and some minion words.

Daniel blinked, "The Asgard came to you guys to help fix the cloning issue but they couldn't make Asgard clones so they split in half. Half followed Loki and began abducting people and the other half followed Thor who cloned minion bodies and they became minions. Where is Thor in your world now?" he demanded to know.

Kevin replied, "Home."

He squinted, "Let me get this straight. Some of the minions are actually Asgard who cloned your bodies and joined you guys." His mouth dropped, "You guys are Asgard!"

Kevin shook his head, "No, no, no. Our katmir nama Asgard."

"Oh," he rolled his head back unbelieving. "Only five thousand of you guys are actually Asgard. Good to know…Kevin." He looked about and cocked an eyebrow, "Are any of you guys here actually Asgard? Asgard who were minion cloned?"

"No," Kevin replied.

Otto stepped forward to explain, "Asgard taught us."

He squinted, "So the Asgard in your reality split in two. Half followed Loki and are flying around and space ships abducting people and the other half followed Thor and they became minions and taught you high tech." He pulled his goggles, "Like how to make prescription lenses."

"Si." Otto confirmed.

He miffed, "Well…now I kind of wish that Eye had sucked me into your world. I could find your Thor…as a minion."

Otto asked, "Your Thor?"

"My Thor?" he replied. "The Asgard help us." He then cocked his head, "The Asgard in your world were able to make minion clones that could hold their intellect?"

"Si!" Otto confirmed.

"Hmm," Daniel pondered, "Maybe we should contact Thor here. Maybe there is something in your genetics that could help stabilize our Asgard."

Kevin shrugged, "Meh." He could have cared less about the Asgard for Kevin wanted to do something other than play in rec room.

Daniel raised an eyebrow, "You could hold the key to saving an entire race. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

Kevin shrugged and grabbed a banana from the pile. He stated, "Banana!"

"There is more to life than bananas." Daniel insisted.

The minions let out a collective gasp after Daniel made the statement.

The smallest minion, Bob walked up to Daniel and glared at him. He then turned his back to him with a disgusted expression.

Daniel saved his reputation, "But bananas are a close second, Bob."

Then much to Daniel's horror the minions as began to break out in song. They began singing, in minion the tune of a Rolling Stones song.

Daniel stood before the singing minions and asked, "Is that the Rolling Stones you are singing?" He listened and spoke the lyrics in English, "You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you get what you need." He then pondered, "Are the minions giving me a lesson in morals now?"