Chapter 9

Alpha Site

Jack and his team had lead Daniel and the minions to the Alpha site to set up a lab for the minions to use and learn any technology or information they may possess from the Ancients or the "Boring Ones" as the minions referred.

Jacob Carter with the Tok'ra, Selmak and Bra'tac of the Jaffa agreed to meet SG-1 at the Alpha site as well and to see these Minions for themselves. They just stepped through the Gate and stood on the large stone platform.

Selmak warned as she laid eyes on the little yellow minions before them. "Best to use caution around such creatures."

"Have you seen these things before, Selmak?" Jacob asked her.

She replied, "I only heard of such beings. Legend has it whoever they choose to follow is doomed to an early death."

Jacob cocked and eyebrow at the information as he was told Jack was their new "Boss." He noticed one minion hanging close to Sam. He was told Daniel was transformed into one of the yellow beings in an accident and assumed the little round minion could be Daniel as Sam seemed to be protective the smallest minion. He approached his daughter.

"Sammy!" he walked towards her arms open wide upon walking off the platform of the Star Gate.

"Dad!" She hugged him tight. "I'm glad to see you."

"I missed you, honey." he assured. He looked down at the minion, "This Daniel now?"

"Oh' no! This is Bob." she introduced him. She then whispered, "I think he kind of sees me as a mother figure. He's a little insecure and has a teddy bear."

Unbeknownst to Sam, the little minion was simply love struck and leveraged his small size and innocent appeal to gain her affection. Bob knew a good deal when he had one and wasn't about to pass up the opportunity. Sam let him sleep with her just about every night. All he to do was claim he had a nightmare and she was putty in his three fingered hand.

"That's…interesting…dear." Jacob winced recalling the warning of an early death to anyone they followed. He looked down at little Bob who stood right next to Sam. He leaned over and offered a hand shake, "Nice to meet you, Bob. I'm Sam's father, Jacob."

"Bello." Bob replied.

Sam grinned, "That means hello in minion. I've picked up some of their language. They are fascinating beings, Dad."

"I see that." he agreed standing up. "Where is Daniel?" He glanced around.

"He's the one with real hair." she informed. "The rest are wearing wigs."

Jacob noticed an array of wigs and uniforms the minions sported. He then found a familiar voice coming from of the minions as he spoke of civilizations that collapsed due to corruption. He quickly figured that was Daniel trying to give a lesson to his minion audience.

Minion Kevin was growing tired of Daniel's constant ethical lectures. He rolled his eyes and made a face. "Blah, blah, blah…no da cares." Kevin complained.

Jack stood nearby and mentioned, "Now you know how I feel, Kevin."

Daniel insisted, "Maybe the reason the Minion's never graduated from tribe status is due to a lack of morals." He then added, "And the lack of females to reproduce…but they are immortal…so…" his mind pondered the minions as a group.

The twelve minions began to mock Daniel. Some began imitating him, other rolled their heads back annoyed and some chatted about him.

"Whaat?" Daniel huffed looking at the minions.

Stuart stated, "To pensa mac mucha."

He gasped, "What do you mean I talk too much?"

Bob agreed, "Aw aka, Daniel."

Daniel looked up at Jack and stated in near child fashion, "Bob just told me to shut up."

Jack shrugged, "Maybe you do talk too much, Daniel." Jack found it hilarious that Daniel was actually able to get on the nerves of the minions.

"Fine," he huffed and crossed his arms annoyed.

Steve knelt to one knee beside Daniel. He gave his foster brother some advice. "You are in the world of a minion now. Just go with the flow."

Daniel squinted, "Do you know how ignorant that sounds?"

"You are a minion now." he reminded him. "You need your brothers. One minion can do a lot but twelve is better than one."

He rolled his eyes, "Fine. I will try to not talk so much." He looked at the other minions, "Happy now?"

The twelve minions all cheered for joy.

He stood gasping, "They are actually cheering for me to shut up."

Jacob looked to his friend, "Jack!" He offered a hand shake.

Jack shook his hand in return, "Glad you could make it, Jacob. What ya think of my minions?" he wondered.

"Selmak urges you to use caution. We don't know what these things can do yet." he reminded him.

"That's why they are here." he grinned and looked to Sam.

Sam agreed, "This way we can keep an eye on the minions, let them work and not risk Star Gate Command."

"So, what's the plan?" Jacob wondered.

Jack could wait to show off his minions' talent. He ordered, "Kevin! How about you guys get the chalkboard out."

Kevin gave a salute and then he and the other minions opened a crate and soon removed and erected a large chalkboard.

Jacob cocked an eyebrow, "Chalkboard, Jack?"

"They really like to use the chalkboard." he informed. "They like to draw things out. They are engineers! You should see what they can make." he beamed.

Kevin then stood before the drawing of the chalkboard with a long pointer and in classic minion fashion pointed out the blue prints to the new underground base the minions would build.

"An underground base with a lab." Jacob realized as he looked at the blue prints. He then looked to Jack, "These twelve little guys are going to do all that?"

Jack shrugged, "They said they could do it."

"No, no, no." Kevin stated. "Gayels."

Jack looked to Daniel and asked, "What did he say?"

"Clones!" Daniel told him. "They have a Asgard based cloning gun with them and they plan on making clones of themselves to increase the numbers since they are cut off from the rest of the tribe. I told them they could not clone me." he insisted.

Minion Moe, who had two eyes and wore green battle dress minion size uniform then pulled out a futuristic looking gun from his pocket and pointed it at Daniel and pulled the trigger. Daniel felt a jolt and then he stepped forward as if being pushed from behind. He turned around there stood another version of himself. He glared at the minion, "Moe! I told you not to do that to me."

Moe disregarded his request with a "Meh."

Jack then scolded Moe, "What are you doing? Now we have two minion versions of Daniel, Moe."

Moe then paused and pondered the trouble he just caused. He then flipped a switch on the cloning gun, aimed it at the clone who stood looking confused and fired, thus reversing the clone as it dissipated into thin air. "Bido Boss." He said that he was sorry.

Jacob traded glances with Bra'tac. Both were impressed by the cloning demonstration.

Bra'tac stated, "The technology is most impressive. How many clones will this require?"

Jack looked to Kevin for an answer, "How many clones will you guys need to make this base?"

Kevin pondered and came up with a number, "Do zooma." he stated.

"What did he say, Daniel?" he asked.

"Two hundred clones." he informed. He then suggested, "Maybe I should be cloned too so my clone can help keep the other clones in line."

The twelve minions all stated, "No!" at once.

Jacob wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry. He smirked to Jack, "I see you got your work cut out for you."

He had to agree, "Being a minion boss isn't easy. Cadets are easier. Enlisted are easier. These guys…" he shook his head. He noticed the sad expressions come across the faces of the minions before him. He knew he needed to keep them in good spirits. "But you guys are still awesome!" he cheered.

The minions gave a collective look of doubt.

He then decided to bribe them. "How about ice cream? All the ice cream a minion could eat."

They began to perk up in expression.

Jack knew he was on a roll. To sweeten the deal he added, "And cake too."

"Yay!" the minions cheered happy once more.

Jacob nearly laughed, "You have to bribe them, Jack?"

"They are minions!" he agreed.

Later

Jack found himself overseeing the work of the underground base as the minions began construction. The Army Corps of Engineers was brought in to assist and soon the underground base began to take shape. Jack found the minions were brilliant and clumsy as the same time. They could work heavy equipment and then turn around and walk through wet cement. The minions were certainly not your average construction crew in Jack's eyes. They messed up work a lot but they kept trying and working hard which impressed the Colonel.

Daniel however was not much of a construction worker. He was an intellect! He never actually did any construction before. He had to try for to gain any information the minions might possess he had to be one of the minions. Thus, he had to work on the project as well. Being a human in a minion world was not easy for Daniel. He found his voice was drowned out by the other minions. Though he could speak many languages, fight off Goa'uld, decode Ancient text, he was now just a minion. The only thing that set him apart was his nice, thick brown hair that made the other minions envious. For the first time in his life his looks was more of an advantage than his intellect. The other minions did not care about ethics or great minds. The minions main goal in life was to have fun. Everything else was secondary. They loved Jack and the human bosses. But they also loved to have fun, sing and dance. None of the minions were deep thinkers or at least far as Daniel could tell.

Sam was most grateful when the minion tent was erected off world at the Alpha site. It gave a break from little Bob who had been claiming to have bad dreams to gain access to Sam. She adored the littlest minion but he was starting to get on her nerves with his constant cries for attention.

Teal'c was simply grateful the minions were no longer in the SGC and he could sleep in peace. With the minions off world he did not have to worry about his room being high jacked along with his bed. It was a return to normal for the Jaffa.

General Hammond missed the little yellow minions as he loved to read them the bedtime story. To the old General they were more like small, yellow children rather than minions. He got to know each minion personally and even added their names to his Christmas list. As the holidays approached he even pondered playing Santa Clause and bringing them gifts as he found the minions were kind, generous and welcoming and not some kind of yellow monster.

Daniel Jackson sat alone at a table in the mess tent that was erected off world to serve the minions and men working on the project. He had a tray of food before him but barely ate anything.

Sam walked into the tent as she was there to oversee the project. She grabbed a cup of coffee and came to the table where Daniel sat alone. She smiled, "How you doing, Daniel?"

He looked across at her and confessed, "Frustrated."

"I'm finished with the diagnostics on the Eye. As soon as I can ensure I can reverse this without sending you to the other reality we will turn you back to normal." she assured him.

"That's not it." he admitted. "It's the minions. They could be so much more and yet…" he let out a heavy sigh.

"What?" she asked.

"All they do is…party and have fun." he complained. "They think they need a boss or they can't make it on their own. They are intelligent and have emotions just like we do. Minions have potential but they just don't seem to care about their own future." he explained. "And whenever I try to explain to them that they can be independent they just tell me to shut up."

Sam grinned amused, "You can't teach an old minion a new trick."

He rolled his blue eyes, "I'm serious, Sam. How do I get them to be independent? They could be a great race. They have potential."

She recalled, "They were around before humans were. How did they survive millions of years without a boss?"

He explained, "Apparently they liked the dinosaurs…until they all died out. Then it was caveman until modern humans came. They also spoke of the Yeti, apparently he died in an accident. They are a wealth of information, Sam. That's why I am putting up with this craziness. I just wish they had a morale compass of some kind."

"That would be you." she told him.

He shook his head, "I can't stay a minion forever. I got a life to get back to."

She reminded him, "They have Asgard based cloning technology, Daniel."

"You mean…make a clone of myself to stay with them?" he asked.

She suggested, "Maybe make a clone to go back with them. They could use someone like you, Daniel. They really do lack morals but I have noticed a difference since you were changed. They do listen to you. Even if they tell you to shut up."

"Kind of unethical though." he countered.

"It is." she nodded in agreement. She then paused and questioned, "I wonder if the minions are rubbing off on me a little. They get away with so much it's amazing when you think about it."

Daniel stated, "Bob gets away with a lot with you."

"He just has a lot of nightmares." she explained. "I'm like a mother figure to him."

He smirked, "He's got a crush on you, Sam. He's lying about the nightmares because he knows you will let him stay with you. They tease him constantly about it."

"He's lying about the nightmares?" she asked concerned.

"He is a minion." he reminded her.

She countered, "What about Kevin, Stuart and Otto? They sleep with the Colonel half the time."

"They lie about the nightmares too." he told her. "They like to sleep with humans. They do have some…insecurity issues."

She stated, "So they are just insecure? Do they do that with Gru?"

He nodded, "Yup! They told me about Gru. They found him as a child. No father. His mother was overbearing. They kind of raised him. He sounds like he has some insecurity issues too. Who actually wants to grow up to be a thief? Kids usually want to grow up to be the good guy. No kid wants to be the robber in a game of cops and robbers."

Sam confessed, "I always wanted to be the robber when Mark and I played cops and robbers."

Surprised he asked, "Why?"

She confessed, "To see if I could get away with it and win against Mark." She then pondered, "Maybe Gru and the other minions are bored and looking for a challenge. They called the Ancients the 'Boring Ones'. Maybe they just need to be stimulated?"

"Could be." he had to agree. He glanced up and spied Steve walk into the mess tent with Jack and Teal'c. He asked, "How is Steve working out filling in for me?"

"He can read Ancient, speak some of it and knows a lot about the Ancients." she replied. "He's brilliant. He really is! I never would seen that intellect had he not been filling in for you. I mean, that night we met him at the bar with the all you can eat food challenge was a bit much. I thought he was some dumb construction worker. The only one other than you who he seemed to connect with is Cassie and she's just a kid."

Daniel pondered to himself, "Kids…they like kids. Gru was a kid when they found him. Hm….".

"What?" she pressed.

"I kind of wonder." he confessed. "Why do they connect with kids so well and yet, they will do whatever they want. They are old, like elders but have the humor of high school boys making photocopies of their butts and fart guns."

Sam asked, "Fart guns?"

He confirmed, "Fart guns. Gas guns! Good thing I'm immune to it as a minion. One poor MP got hit with a fart gun accidentally and he had to go get his gas mask out. Choked him."

Sam asked him, "Where are the fart guns?"

"I'll get you one." he assured.