Chapter 3: Barely Breathing
"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing / Just prayin' to a God that I don't believe in / 'Cause I got time while she got freedom / 'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even / Her best days will be some of my worst / She finally met a man that's gonna put her first / While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping / 'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even, no."
'Breakeven' by The Script
A/N: I took a break and then took forever to get back into writing this. Sorry, not sorry. Enjoy!
As amazed as Lexie had been with her oldest sister's slow recovery from Covid, it took less than a week for it to all go downhill. She had always admired Meredith, ever since she'd been a child. When she finally met her at the start of her intern year, Meredith's second year, she'd been overjoyed. And sure, it had taken a while, but Meredith had finally warmed up to her. Now, over a decade later, they were inseparable.
She had spent as much time in Meredith's room with her as she could. She was masked and gowned efficiently each time, keeping her more extreme emotions at bay while in the room. She was just so relieved that each time she laid her eyes on Meredith, tears would spring to her eyes and threaten to spill over. Every. Single. Time. Honestly, it was embarrassing, but she refused to let it affect her. She was simply glad that Meredith was alive. She couldn't stop her reaction to that. She'd left Meredith for the night, promising to be back in the morning, this time with Maggie and her iPad so she could talk to the kids. She had barely been gone an hour when the nurses called her.
Meredith was selfless. She knew that. She'd known that since she'd met her. She'd heard the stories of hands in bomb-filled chest cavities, of falls into the freezing Sound after saving a patient. She'd heard about her speech to Gary Clark in the OR, telling him to shoot her, to not shoot anyone else, and she'd been there after she'd been attacked by Lou. Meredith was strong. She did so much for others, to protect others, but she refused to give herself the same courtesy. Case in point: Meredith risking her own safety to help a struggling Covid patient in the bed across the room from her. It was reckless and selfless, and Meredith had collapsed not long after. And she wasn't waking back up.
That was what hurt Lexie the most. Meredith had over-exerted herself and was back to square one. No, not even square one. Because whatever progress she'd made had gone backwards, and everyone was talking about putting her on a ventilator. Meredith hadn't wanted it, had told them that if push came to shove, give it to other patients. That she would be fine. But she was always fine, wasn't she? She put herself last in every single situation, and she needed someone to put her first for once. And maybe it was against her wishes, but she was too important. To her children and family, to her friends, and to the hospital. The ventilator was the best option for her, and she could yell at them about it after she woke back up.
Addison had woken up in a great mood. Ever since Amelia's call a few nights ago, things had been looking up. Whether that was due to her constant attempts of praying or a stroke of luck, she wasn't sure. Meredith had always been rather lucky, after all. But a part of her – a slim part that still believed that God would listen to her – had hoped that it was more than luck that was on Meredith's side.
Seaside Health and Wellness were barely an hour into their weekly virtual meeting when her cell phone started ringing loudly, cutting off something that Naomi was saying about the budget. She didn't look at it at first, silencing it quickly. With a soft blush, she gestured for Naomi to continue. It was only minutes later that her phone rang again. She looked at the device in confusion. Hadn't she silenced it?
She blanched when she realized Amelia was calling her over and over. She shut off her camera and muted herself, turning in her seat as she answered the phone call.
Maybe she should've remembered that God had a twisted sense of humor.
The light wasn't on. It was the first thing that Jake noticed as he approached the front door with Henry beside him. Addison always turned on the front porch light when he was dropping Henry off to let him know that she was home. That was how it always was. Unless there was some sort of emergency – but if there had been, Addison would've sent him a text or called him or something. She'd seemed off yesterday at the meeting for sure, and he'd wanted to call her on giving him Henry for one more night. At the time, he'd brushed off his unease and agreed to meet today. Now, the unease settled in his stomach, his worry clouding his thoughts. Something was wrong.
He thought of her expression the day before, how she'd gone so white he was grateful she was sitting because he'd almost thought that she'd collapse. After a minute, she'd seemed to center herself, but she still seemed uneasy. She'd excused herself from the meeting, and that had been the only proof he'd needed to know that something was wrong. Something that she'd refused to let the practice know about. She'd messaged their group chat to say that something had come up.
He checked his own text message again, wondering if she'd sent him a message he hadn't seen yet.
A: Go ahead and keep Henry until tomorrow. 8 pm.
J: Is everything okay?
A: Everything is fine.
He knew that had they been talking face-to-face that he would've been able to see through that lie. He turned to Henry, who was playing something on his Nintendo Switch.
"Henry, why don't you go over to Uncle Sam and Aunt Nae's? Your mom must have gone out and forgotten to text me."
His son let out a little hum of acknowledgement and turned towards the walkway to Sam and Naomi's.
With a sigh, he knocked on the front door, "Addison, are you in there?"
But a part of him knew that she wasn't. He knew that had he looked beside the house, her car would be gone too. He tried the door and found it locked. He grabbed the spare key from where it was taped under the welcome mat and unlocked the front door. The house was quiet, and it made him feel ever more uneasy. He caught sight of Milo, asleep on the counter top, the full food and water dishes on the kitchen floor.
He made his way through the house, but he couldn't find Addison anywhere, calling out for her multiple times. He was back in the kitchen when Sam's voice came from the living room.
"Jake?"
"Yeah?"
Sam held out a note that he'd somehow missed in his first initial sweep of the house. His name was on it, written in Addison's neater scrawl, and the worry he felt grew ten times worse.
Jake,
I'm sorry for keeping you in the dark. Something's come up. I'll be back soon. Give Henry my love.
Addison
A/N: And that's chapter 3 for you! Let me know what you thought! More to come.
