A/N: Inspired by one word from split-n-splice, and the unfortunate situation of my four annual seasons (Winter, Spring, Summer...and beetles).
14. Bug
"Shego! Get the vacuum!"
The green-skinned woman rolled her eyes as she used the portable hand-held device herself, pointing the long tube up toward the computer screen. One pull of the trigger and an invading insect was consumed and imprisoned by the machine.
"Shego! They're in my drawers!"
She smirked and was about to make a joke, but the bug she'd just captured buzzed loudly and flew against the clear wall of the vacuum canister. She looked down at the countless insects through the thick plastic and shook her head, deciding then and there that before they put a down-payment on another lair they would have to research potential impacts of local fauna.
A scraping sound caught her attention, and she shook her head as she approached the wooden desk where Drakken was removing drawers entirely and peering inside with great trepidation and loathing. He glanced at her and thrust out his arm, beckoning with his fingers.
"Vacuum!"
"Sheesh," she said, handing it over. "Not like it'll do any good, we find at least twenty of these things a day."
"Well it's twenty less each day if we keep this up."
She watched as he meticulously aimed the vacuum tube over and over and eliminated another five of the invading beetles, grumbling all the while. She wasn't about to tell him that her bedroom seemed the most protected in the entire lair, though not impervious, only having had need of the vacuum twice since they'd moved. The lab, unfortunately for him, seemed to be the small brown creatures' preferred destinations.
"Maybe they're in here because of all your snacking," Shego teased, picking up a maple-glazed donut from next to a set of blueprints he'd been working on.
"Nnghn! They don't go after my snacks! Unlike a certain lippy side-kick."
Shego washed down the sweet bite with a sip of his coffee and looked down at the blueprints.
"A pumpkin catapult? Are you serious, Dr. D.?"
"'Tis the season, Shego," he snarled as he stalked around, scanning the floor with narrowed eyes.
"Going for a 'How the Grinch stole Halloween' theme or something?"
Drakken paused and looked up at her, a light slowly coming to his eyes.
"Oh, no."
"Shego..."
"No."
"That's brilliant!"
Shego slapped herself in the face, grimacing as she dragged her hand down.
"I'll steal the jack-o-lanterns from the Possibles' doorstep and then fire them back at them! Ruining any chance they have for an enjoyable holiday!"
Shego looked up. "Wait... This is just to prank Kim Possible?"
"And the arch-foe of my younger days," Drakken said, rubbing his hands as the vacuum lie forgotten on the hearth rug. "If anyone is to have a good time on the holiday designed for evil, it's us. Not those do-gooding, evil scheme-ruining...all-that...frim-frangling...wang-doodling..."
"Dr. D. You seriously moved us all the way here just to mess with Possible?"
His expression sobered slightly as he nodded. "Nnh... Problem?"
Shego set her hands on her hips, a smirk slowly curling her lips upward.
"How can I help?"
Drakken grinned.
"Nnhyehh!"
"Look, we've been over this," Shego said, sighing through her nose as she began her practiced recitation with moderate patience.
"They're crawling on me!" Drakken interrupted.
"No, they're not," Shego said with gentle emphasis. A moment later her eyes widened, and she carefully picked a large, fuzzy caterpillar off of Drakken's back.
They were hovering outside the Possible home, the catapult ready and armed with their own stolen pumpkins, the ones on the porch of their arch-nemesis as of yet untouched as they waited for the brood to emerge for their night of trick-or-treating. Unexpectedly, several teens and adults seemed to be arriving to the house, making them cautious about descending. Thus far everything had been going according to plan, except for the fact that once the plague of beetles had abated, they had rapidly been replaced with massive black and orange caterpillars.
"I can sense them," he said, his eyes narrowing and shifting from side to side as he clutched the catapult protectively.
"How can you sense them?" she said, gently brushing another off the side of the hover-car, watching as it fell down to the top of a tree not far below.
"It's a diabolical counter to my brilliant plan."
"Doc, you gotta lay off the midnight cocoa-moo."
Another of the fuzzy creatures wriggled up along the main beam of the catapult toward the large, loaded pumpkin, and Drakken scowled at it.
"Come on," Shego said, softening her tone and changing tactics. "At least these are kinda cute. They even dressed up for the holiday."
She watched as Drakken paused to scrutinize the creature crawling up the catapult beam and toward the first loaded jack-o-lantern. Its face couldn't be seen beneath its fuzz, but it did indeed look like something purchased from a ninety-nine cent store to add a small, creepy element to one's seasonal decor.
"Halloweenopillars..." Drakken muttered, but Shego could detect the note of fondness that had crept into his voice.
"That's the spirit," Shego said, her hand on his shoulder. "Maybe one will fall in Possible's hair when you fire the pumpkin at her."
Before any further discussion could be had, the door opened and the two youngest Possibles emerged in costume, dressed in black coveralls with backpack-mounted chemical tanks and hoses with long wands in their hands that included mounted control panels. Ahead of them flew two dog-sized cockroaches, which Shego and Drakken both shied away from before realizing the creatures carried trick-or-treat bags.
"Remote control...?" Shego mused, peering at the devices in the teen boys' hands.
Drakken opened his mouth to comment, but then a flash of red signaled the appearance of their teen nemesis. Drakken chuckled and plucked the caterpillar off the catapult and set it atop the jack-o-lantern he was about to fire.
"Uh...Dr. D.?"
"Not now, Shego, I want to take the first shot before she suspects... Wait. Why is she wearing a costume of her own super-suit?"
Shego had already slapped herself in the face and was dragging her fingers down with a grimace.
"Because it is her battle-suit, dingus."
Below them on the ground, Possible was frowning up at them, her side-kick a couple of paces behind.
"This party is invitation only, Drakken," the teen cheerleader said as she took a fighting stance.
"If you wanted to sneak in you should have at least worn a costume," Stoppable said practically. "Unless you were going for a zombie scientist, 'cause you've got that nailed. Have you ever considered a new look?"
Drakken let out a growl and hurriedly aimed the catapult.
"How about a treat, Possible?" he said with a wicked grin. But before he could fire, a hissing was their only warning before the sudden appearance of the remote control roaches. Drakken recoiled as one flew directly into his face, and Shego ignited her glow.
"Rgh!" she snarled as she set one aflame. It took off back toward its owner, leaving green flames in its wake and looking decidedly more spooky than when it had been carrying a trick-or-treat bag.
The second bug, meanwhile, was still harassing Drakken who was pawing at it almost blindly as he struggled to aim the catapult at a smirking Kim Possible.
"Shego!" he bit out, demanding aid, but at that same moment he bumped the trigger and the catapult fired. They watched the large pumpkin sail in an arc through the air and miraculously down toward its target.
Materializing from the battle-suit to cover Possible's hand was the familiar energy gauntlet that was capable of halting Shego's glow. They watched as she caught the pumpkin, stopping it cold like it was nothing, and then flung it right back toward them.
Shego stood, ready to deflect the incoming projectile, but the remaining cockroach suddenly left Drakken and flew into her face.
"Hey! What...?" she mumbled as she struggled to grab the large and shockingly agile mechanical creature with glowing hands.
"Kim Possible..." Drakken grumbled in defeat as he watched the arc of the pumpkin above. Shego finally got the insect between both hands and held it until it began to melt. She turned back to Drakken just in time to see the huge, orange mass falling straight toward them. She gasped and recoiled, only to then wince in sympathy as the pumpkin, with perfect precision, impacted Drakken's head with a hollow thunk.
Shego blinked in bewilderment as the familiar unripe smell filled the hover-car as a few pieces of the gourd fell at her feet. Because instead of hitting him and falling away, the pumpkin had gone straight onto Drakken's head. He pawed at it for a few moments before raising his fists angrily.
"You think you're all that...!" he tried shouting, but his voice was nearly entirely muffled from within the pumpkin. "But you're not!"
Shego dropped the robotic roach over the side of the hover-car and slammed her fist down on the autopilot button.
"Let's just go!" she groaned through gritted teeth.
After a few minutes, the familiar rush of wind and the soft putter of the hover-car's motor were the only sounds in her ears, the Possible home long behind them. She let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming on, and finally surveyed their condition.
The catapult was undamaged at Drakken's feet, but pumpkin shards littered the hover-car, most of them in Drakken's lap and hair. And still entirely concealing his head was the large jack-o-lantern intended for Possible.
He turned toward her then and she startled slightly at seeing the whites of his eyes back deep within the carved pumpkin eyes, staring out at her pitifully.
"...You could go as the Headless Horseman this year," she quipped.
"Laugh it up," he muttered, the words barely audible.
Shego chuckled, but then stopped as she saw another caterpillar crawling around the side of the pumpkin toward the nose-hole.
"Uh...Dr. D...?"
"If they think mechanical insects can stop me, I'll show them! I'll make a uh...uh..."
"Pumpkin pie?" Shego said with a smirk and then licked her lips. "I have a craving."
Drakken paused and blinked at her from inside the jack-o-lantern, causing her to chuckle. But before he could interpret her words the caterpillar wriggled its way into the carved nose-hole, and Drakken's eyes crossed and then widened upon the creature.
"Yahhh! Shego!"
