Loki did not hear Thor knocking at his door later that night and so did not respond to his hails. Concerned, Thor let himself in anyway and found Loki still sitting on the floor in his bedroom, moodily stroking the ears of his childhood toy. He blushed when he finally noticed Thor and set the stuffed animal aside.

"What is it?" Thor asked. "Are you still ill?"

Loki sighed. "No, not really." Thor waited. "But I broke up with Fandral."

Thor had been crouching next to him and suddenly fell back on his rear in surprise. "You did? Why?"

"Why do you think?"

"Honestly, I have absolutely no idea. I can't say I approved of your relationship when I first learned of it, but from where I sat, it looked like a very, very good thing for you once I got used to the idea. You and he were happy together."

Loki rolled his eyes. "For me, yes. It was wonderful. Fandral is wonderful! And he at least is in love. But don't you see? I've been taking advantage of that love. Look at me, Brother. I'm a wreck. I'm not a suitable partner for him, and I never will be. I am never going to love him back the way he deserves."

Thor started laughing. "You... you're an idiot!" he guffawed. Loki glared at him, peeved. "You're breaking up with him because he's too good for you? Norns, Loki, I think that's the worst explanation you've ever given for why you're definitely not interested in someone you're definitely interested in romantically."

"You misunderstand."

"No, you misunderstand yourself. You are in love, Brother."

"You think... I'm in love," Loki repeated, staring at Thor as if his brother had suddenly grown a second head.

"Yes."

"But... but I don't feel good about it!" Loki contested. "I feel awful! And conflicted. And- and guilty!"

"You always do," Thor told him.

"Excuse me?"

"Every time I've seen you fall in love in the past, admittedly not near as many times as me or our friends, let alone Fandral for whom falling in love is as easy and natural as breathing, you always agonize and beat yourself up over it at the outset until you run out of rationalizations as to why you're not in love. It took you about three years of hopeless infatuation to decide you were in love with Gunilla, and she almost left you in the meantime out of frustration as I recall."

Loki thought hard, trying to recall his behavior around any past relationships. Most were lost in the maze of his shattered memory, unfortunately. He remembered being in love before, including with Gunilla, the first woman he had ever fallen for; he realized he didn't remember the particulars of falling in love, though. For all he knew, Thor could be right. "I don't remember that at all," he said despondently. How wretched was it for one to forget their first time falling in love. Did he even remember his first kiss? Who could say?

Thor squeezed his shoulders. "That's not all bad. It was not pleasant for me to listen to, so I imagine it was even less pleasant to experience. The doubt, I mean, not the excitement and pleasure of the relationship."

"If it was like this, no, it is not pleasant at all."

"You know what this means, though."

"What?" Loki asked miserably.

"If you don't remember falling in love before, but you are in love with Fandral now, you get to experience falling in love for the very first time all over again!"

Loki smiled sourly at Thor's attempt to cheer him up. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind when we argue again tomorrow and Fandral decides to leave me as a bad job just as I start accepting the idea of maybe possibly being in love after all."

"That won't happen. He's very proud of the fact he's never been the one to end a relationship, for some reason. I always thought that was an odd thing to be proud of, personally. It just means he's been dumped a lot, and maybe stayed in longer than he should have. Regardless, he won't let this quarrel break his streak."

"So I get to decide. Great."

"So you have time, Brother. Fandral is a good man. He will give you the time you need."

"I know. He already said that, when I first discovered he loved me."

"Discovered?"

"It was fairly obvious when I awoke from my death bed to find his arms around me and his soul literally crying out for mine in the wake of the life sponsorship."

"Oh."

"It was... a lot."

"So I gather."

"I think he would have waited to tell me, if he had had the option. For precisely the situation we find ourselves in now. I wasn't ready to... be loved in that way."

"Well, as you keep saying, loving relationships need to give reciprocally to have a strong foundation. You have not been in a position to give anyone anything, really. So no, you were not ready to build a new, sturdy relationship with anyone, even Fandral. Not then, maybe not now. You're right, you know. Fandral would have waited to tell you. I asked him about it when we went to Midgard. He would not say if he was in love, but I could tell he was, and that he wanted to keep that to himself until the time was right for you both. I'm sorry things happened the way they did, to put you in this position."

Loki grinned. "That is such a wonderful, understated summary of my year, dear Brother. I'm sorry too, for many things. For many actions and for many passive experiences. Would it not be nice to start over?"

Thor smiled back. "It would. Alas I do not have the power to turn back time for you. But you could at least start over with regards to Fandral."

"How do you mean?"

"Forget the conditions under which you started this relationship. Forget that he served as a life sponsor for you. Remember only the good times you have spent together and that he has professed his love for you." He paused, letting his words sink in. "Do you have it?"

"Yes," Loki whispered. "I feel it." He felt cared for, with Fandral's fingers combing and braiding his hair, Fandral's hands enfolding his around a cream to diminish his shameful scars. He felt attractive, with Fandral's eyes mapping his body as they discussed his clothes, Fandral's hands caressing him as they made love. He felt supported, with Fandral vowing the worth of his Jotun heritage. He felt protected, with Fandral spending every waking moment (including those that should have been spent sleeping) working on the mystery of his attackers. He felt loved, deeply and truly loved.

But was the love returned? That was the crux of his problem. What had he done for Fandral in return other than lean all his emotional weight on the poor man? The attraction was mutual, and Fandral must know it from the times they had made love with the charm of endearment. He had tried to show Fandral care in other small ways, sharing meals, telling him to sleep, perhaps. How did he, or could he support and protect Fandral?

The answer came to him suddenly.

"Ah."

"Something on your mind?"

"I realized why I was so tempted to break things off with Fandral despite my own wants."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"The only thing I can protect someone like him from in my current state...is myself and my problems. I knew I was thinking it out of some warped care for him, and so does he. He called me out for it. You're probably right, Thor. I probably am in love."

"Hmm. Glad that's settled, then."

Loki glanced at Thor irritably at the mocking tone, but his biting retort died in his throat when he saw the twinkle in Thor's eyes. He pushed him over instead. "Why are you so annoying?" he grumbled.

"Because I'm your brother. It's my job," Thor said as he reclaimed his seat.

"So, what do I do now?" Loki asked, more of himself than Thor. "Fandral said he would see me tomorrow. I don't know how to face him after what was said tonight. I cannot just calmly let things return to normal." Some of the things he had said earlier verged on verbal abuse, particularly considering the tone in which he had said them. That was unacceptable behavior, not matter what Fandral said.

"Well, you could. Fandral would probably be fine with that."

"Let me clarify: I cannot in good conscience ignore what happened between us tonight. I need to apologize, and I need to apologize in such a way that also expresses my love, tentative as it may be."

"Ah. I see we are quickly moving from the questioning stage to the epiphany stage to the hopelessly romantic stage of falling in love." Loki pushed him over again. Thor kept talking from the carpet, musing up at the ceiling. "Might I suggest some kind of big, romantic gesture? Fandral is one of the rare few who actually likes that kind of thing."

Loki grinned widely then, imagining just the thing. "Thank you for the suggestion, Thor. Now, what are you doing sprawled on the floor? Allow me to help you up."

"Thank you," Thor said politely, accepting Loki's hand. Then he stood up and pulled Loki with him so they could both sit on the bed instead of the floor. "You'll have to patch things up fast, though. After my meeting with Ambassador Skadi this evening, I doubt Jotunheim is going to have any tasks for you for the next few weeks. They are much more interested in discussing what supplies and equipment they can bring in with your weregild. So that means we'll be shipping you off to Midgard in a few days, and I can tell you, the humans are going to have a great many requests of you. You should have heard what they were muttering about when I managed to shake free of them. It's going to be a challenge for you if those three have their way once they report back to their government."

At last, Loki smiled. This was what he had wanted. "Tell me about it?"

Author's note: two chapters in one day! Luxury! Mostly, you get two chapters because I tend to feel super guilty about releasing cliff-hangers, and the last chapter certainly counts as one given this story is in fact a romance at its core.

I find it amusing for Loki to be habitually so much "in his own head" when it comes to actually falling in love, partly because Thor gets a chance to roll his eyes at Loki for a change, but mostly because I know someone like that, although not to this extreme. Romance is not very intuitive for some people, BIG point of contrast between Loki and Fandral, obviously. I do think it is reasonable for Loki to be concerned that his relationship has been so lopsided up until now, but his mistake is in failing to realize that his overwhelming desire to give more is actually a symptom of genuinely being in love. He also fails to recognize the best of his own very good behavior as a romantic partner to someone like Fandral, such as being conscientious and accepting of Fandral's polyamory and providing emotional support when Fandral felt insecure upon discovering the second poisoner was within his own command.