The word left Chan's mouth with confidence that he didn't know he had. He was silent for a moment, just absorbing the moment. Bang Chan had just admitted to the world that he had a girlfriend. He could see the comments piling in but he did not read any of them. Instead, he looked to Tara and Ashley who both appeared as if they were watching a horror movie. Tara motioned for him to keep talking.
"Yeah, so…I," he dragged out the word as images of Naty played across his mind. He couldn't help but smile, "Have a girlfriend. Yeah, I know this will come as a surprise to everyone. It's a surprise to me too. Kind of, unexpected."
As with all of Chan's Room, he came into it with an idea of what to say but very quickly decided best to wing it. He was talking to Stay. He just had to talk from his heart and that would guide him all the way home.
"It's pretty new actually. I figured I'd talk to you and clear some information up. So…yeah. Hmm," he looked down as his mind formed sentences and his body worked up the courage to say it, "I guess I'll start from the beginning."
Ashley and Tara nodded.
"So, last year we all got a little break to go home. Home for me is, of course, Australia, but I didn't go straight there. A few friends of mine were having a concert in the U.S. and I decided to stop there first and show some support," Chan realized he was speaking primarily English and so he decided to explain everything quickly in Korean, "Well, at the airport I was sitting with my bodyguard and we were just waiting for the flight to Australia and that was when she walked in."
Chan felt too shy to look directly at the camera. The thought of Naty watching and listening to him recount the events made him embarrassed. He wished he could see her face but knew she would probably be smiling—she was always smiling.
"Walked into the lounge, I mean. I don't know what it was but immediately she just got my attention. She was wearing a mask and I was just curious to see what she looked like without it. I didn't have any opinion or anything and I was just curious but she took off her mask and yeah," he let out a nervous chuckle, "I thought she was beautiful."
He looked up to the camera then.
"Not to say that looks are everything. I know there are probably some people listening to this and thinking 'Oh, that will never happen to me' but you're wrong. I really believe that, uhh," he struggled to form his thoughts and translate them, "I believe that no one knows what other people are thinking about them. We might first jump to 'Oh, that person looked at me. They probably think I'm ugly' but that is probably not true. You don't know how many people have looked at you and thought you were so beautiful but were too nervous or shy to say anything or were busy and didn't have time. I was just lucky to have some time."
Chan risked a glance at the comments and laughed at one that he read out loud.
"Haha, 'OMFG Chan is a f-ing simp' yeah. Yeah," he pulled the brim of his hat down over his face before continuing, "Okay, anyway. Beyond that I thought she was beautiful. She was doing a live with her followers and the way she talked to them was…wow. It just reminded me of how I talk to you all, you know. It was so sweet and she really cared. It made me think of how I should do more with you. It just made me feel like…she gets it."
He nodded to himself at that.
"Then something really weird happened," he couldn't help but flinch at the memory of the smell, "This man, I guess ate something really weird and he just couldn't help himself. He, uh…how should I say this? He passed gas and it smelled not great at all."
Chan risked another glance at the comments and laughed at one that read 'a fart brought Chan love but my farts bring me pain.'
He repeated it with another chuckle, "You should get that checked out, maybe."
For a moment he got caught in the comments but a negative one about Naty brought him to the point of the whole live.
"So, anyway, the lounge got cleared out and the first thing I did was try to find her. I didn't want to do anything...I don't know. I thought maybe I'd just talk to here. I just wanted a little chat or something. I didn't expect anything from it," he shrugged, "Well, I lost her. Immediately. I didn't know where she went but yeah, she was gone. I just thought. Oh, well. That's life. I should probably get some food."
At the mention of food, he realized his mouth was incredible dry and so he drank some water—this time making sure not to look at the comments.
"I went to this really busy airport restaurant and I found one open seat. So, I sat down and guess who was there! She was! She was just sitting with her back to everyone so it looked empty but I was immediately like 'Ahh, no way!' I was so happy. I apologized and then asked if I could share the seat with her and she was just like 'yeah, sure' she didn't really mind," Chan smiled at the memory of seeing her sitting across from him and he couldn't stop thanking the heavens, "So, I took off my mask and she immediately recognized me."
The comments went off on that so he quickly continued the story.
"She made sure I knew she recognized me. And she was so sweet about it too. She asked multiple times if I was comfortable sharing with her and I think she would have even left her seat if I said I was uncomfortable. I don't know. She was being really nice," Chan paused, knowing there was a detail he wanted to add, "Oh, and one thing she did that I thought was really cool. She put her phone away. I didn't even mention it. As soon as she saw who I was, she put her phone away and didn't take it out until I asked to exchange information. I thought that was very nice."
Bang Chan glanced to Ashley and Tara to see if they had anything to say. The two seemed to relax into each other as they watched him. It seemed like the movie changed from horror to romcom.
"We had dinner together and I…accidentally on purpose missed my flight," Chan covered his face quickly, "I know. It's so embarrassing. I just didn't want the conversation to end!"
As he lowered his hands, he saw a comment that read, 'What is Hannah going to say?'
"Oh, Hannah already knows. My whole family knows actually," he blushed at the memory of what his mother said but kept that to himself, "Well, anyway. Skip from then to now. So, for a year I didn't call her or anything. I honestly don't know what I was waiting for. I kept thinking that it's not the right time but one of my friends sat me down and was like 'it's never going to be the right time' and yeah, it just woke me up. So, when we got to the U.S. I called her and invited her to the shows in California and she came and yeah. We had a really nice time and the rest is history."
Chan wondered if he should go into more detail but felt a deep need to keep some privacy. He just wanted some things to be for he and Naty. Not everything had to be shared with the world.
"With the whole sasaeng thing, we really have no idea what or who started that or why or anything. It was really weird actually. None of it was true. There was one thing about Sunday night and me performing better when she left? That was actually so not true. It was the exact opposite. I was in my head with other stuff and she got me out of it. It was really nice," he smiled at the memory of seeing her and hearing the whole chants.
A motion from Tara captured his attention. He looked to the two women that were mouthing something. It took him a second to realize they were saying 'comments.'
"Oh," Chan looked to the comments and began reading and answering them as he did in the languages they came up in, "Okay, 'what if she takes you away from us.' That will never happen. You guys are my biggest priority. Doing these here is my biggest priority. Of course, when anyone starts a new relationship, some things get sacrificed. That's natural. This isn't one of those things and she understands completely. I will always be here for you, with you, like I said before. Always look for me, always come to me, I am always here for you."
Another comment read, 'This is pretty soon into the relationship. Why expose?'
"Well, the whole sasaeng thing forced me," he frowned, "I couldn't let Naty take all that for no reason. I don't know who said that or why or what enjoyment they got out of that but you all know. It really affected her. When you care about someone in a romantic of familial way, you want to protect them. I just couldn't let it go on like that with her being hated for something that wasn't even true."
'LMAO it was totally Seungmin.'
Chan laughed, "It was not Seungmin. He's been a big supporter. Actually, everyone has. That's another big thing. I always take my friends' advice or, at least, listen to what they have to say. When you start a new relationship sometimes you get too in it to see it for what it is? If you have good friends, their opinions on the new partner are very important because they can sort of see what you can't. They can see how that person acts when you're not around, they can see if the person really likes you, they can see how you are around the person versus when you're not. I always take my friends opinions on important things so yeah. Everyone gave her a big thumbs up."
'What if she hurts you?'
"Ohhh, that is a really good question. So, I'm not going to lie. I was hurt before," Chan shook his head and let out a deep sigh at the memory, "It was someone I dated a long, long time ago. Someone I knew back in Australia. And they just…yeah. They hurt me really, really bad so I didn't date anyone for a long time after that. The fear is always going to be there. 'What if I get hurt again?' or 'What if they're the same?' or so many questions but I don't want to be held down by that fear. Immediately, I know that Naty and this person are not the same and so, since they are not the same, I can't compare them or compare anything Naty does to that person or anything Naty might do because of what that person did. I can only respect Naty as this entirely new person and experience what that's like on its own. It's always scary to start something new and risk getting hurt but some people are worth the risk."
'How do you know she's different?'
"Well, to start. I feel different around her. I get nervous, you know, everyone gets nervous around someone they have a crush on, but I don't get those butterflies or anxious feelings. I used to get this feeling of like almost…not being able to stand still. Like just so overwhelmed but I realize that's not exactly a good thing," Chan looked up as he tried to form his words, "I guess. Around Naty, I feel more secure. I don't feel like my identity is hung up on how she thinks of me. I don't feel like I'm being judged. I feel welcomed. I feel still, at peace, safe. I feel like I can do or say anything and yeah, it's still new but I think that's a good sign."
The comments continued rolling in and, with them, Chan's answers. They were a mixed batch of questions and observations that he tried his best to acknowledge. There were some hateful messages he tried to address without addressing and some he just outright ignored. It was the longest V Live he had ever done and by the end of it he felt he had accomplished his goal. He wanted to make sure Stay knew that no matter what he was with them. He also hoped this new phase in his life would help them with a new phase in their life.
"That was really good. You handled that like a champ," Ashley put a hand on Chan's shoulder when the V Live ended.
"Yeah. Things seem to be trending in a positive direction," Tara murmured with her face in her phone, "Of course, there are a lot of angry people but we expected that."
"Yeah…I just hope this doesn't hurt Naty too much," he frowned as he grabbed his phone off his charger.
"She's up to one million followers right now," Tara laughed, "She's doing fine."
"I've been messaging her while the live was happening. I sent her some numbers for some business managers that would be interested in working with her and immediately sent some new home security to her house for her to set up. She'll be okay," Ashley smiled.
"Thank you all, so much," Chan could feel himself becoming emotional but he stopped.
"Don't thank us. Thank Mr. JYP," Tara leaned against the door as Ashley opened it, "If he didn't sign off on exposing the relationship, I would not even be in this room right now."
"Also, the other Kids," Ashley added, "I think you owe everyone some gift baskets."
Chan chuckled, "I'll see what I can do. Good night, you two!"
They waved their good nights.
He waited for the door to shut before immediately video calling Naty. Chan had gotten so caught up with Stay the time slipped past him and he forgot about the time difference. He hoped he would be able to at least say goodnight.
She immediately answered the phone, "That was amazing. You must be so exhausted. How are you after all of that?"
Chan felt himself melting at the sight of the beautiful woman through the phone, "I'm okay. I just miss you."
Even through the phone and distance he could see the blush coloring her features. Her smile made him feel so warm and her voice just made him feel like he was wrapped in a blanket, "I miss you too."
There was never a moment of doubt he had when it came to Naty. There was never a moment of doubt with telling Stay. Chan knew he had made the right decision from the moment he sat down across from her.
This was the one.
No matter what came their way.
They would face it together.
