Hello
Once again, I am sorry for the delay in the chapters. I had meant to get this out sooner, but man, sometimes your mind just gets in the way. I will try to do better (I will note I do feel better mentally, but still not where I was)
Anyhow, here you!
Please let me know what you think. Reviews are nice
Chapter 18:
The Kiss 2.0
Los Angeles
A number of things are flying through Maddie's head, her heart racing, and she can't process any of it before another thought pops up in her head. Then the thoughts tangle, creaking a jumbo mess; however, there're two constants in his life: Evan is her brother, and he loves her. No matter what happens between them, they'll always be family, there for the other. So, when she sees the email from Evan, her heart soars, and she's filled with butterflies, hundreds of butterflies. Each symbolizes a thought and wish she could tell him. There're so many things she wants to say, questions she needs answer. However, she forces those thoughts down and a small, strained smile to her face. This is about him not her. This is about how he is doing.
A part of her relaxes reading these emails, knowing her brother isn't wandering around aimlessly and heartbroken. Buck is back at his dream job as a firefighter, saving lives, even if it is in a different city. He's living again, and while it may sting that it isn't here in LA with her, a heavy weight has been lifted off her shoulder. She can breathe again! Life feels almost normal… well, not counting her unborn child. Rubbing her stomach, she, with a smile, rereads the emails from her brother. Her brother came to her asking for advice on her love life, and that's what she's going to do. Pushes back all of her intriguing, yet uncomfortable questions out of her mind, she asks about the man Buck has kissed.
Her chest swells thinking about adorable Buck is when he goes all sweet on someone, and no, she isn't referring to how he is around one-night stands. No, she's referring to how he gets when he is around someone he likes: him stammering on and on on random stuff, his bright red cheeks that extends all the way down, his clumsiness, his stuttering, etc. When Buck and Eddie were doing whatever they were doing, Maddie couldn't help but beam. Hen and Howard may have poked fun at it—gossiping like old ladies- when the boys weren't looking, but she loved watching them. And now, knowing Buck fancies a fellow firefighter again, she can picture him in her head around the firehouse: her brother—though she can't confirm it—is completely red in the face and stammering off a loveable idiot as he tries to avoid walking into wall.
Everything else disappearing, she falls into older, mischievous sister mode, and suddenly, she has to know everything. She means everything and anything. How did they meet? Is there a cute meet story? What does this man look like? She has so many questions, and honestly, what else is a big loving sister to do? If she can't tease him, what is the point? It is her job. Plus, talking to Evan is the best medicine there is, his goofy self always bringing a smile to her face, and there's nothing else she wants to do or needs to do. God, she can imagine all of the different shades of reds blending on his face as if she is standing right next to him. Teasing Buck about his love life makes her heart swell with love, and she is going to hold tight on to that.
However, her stomach drops when Buck replies back with:
Buck: And hey, enough about that. How are you? How are you and Chimney?
It is follows by:
Buck: Are you and Chim still cute and adorable?
The world comes to a screeching halt, and she stops in her steps, her arms shaking and her legs like Jell-O. Her phone is an unexpected anchor in her hands, it almost sliding out of her hands. Her playful older sister mood vanishes, and everything rushing back, aimed at her like a missile. Maddie is ill, her fighting back the urge to vomit. Sitting—more like plummeting—back into her sofa, Maddie lets her phone drop, allowing it to slip between the cushions. An agonizing shudder runs through her body as she thinks about the father of her unborn baby and the baby that she loves with her entire heart. Her heart skips when she thinks about the man that she loves—yes, still loves. Or rather, her pre-lawsuit life.
Maddie takes a deep, shaky breath, her eyes dropping to her now dark phone—only a corner sticking up between the cushions. Her mind goes back to Buck's messages, her mind flashing to Howard's apologetic expression, and her mouth goes dry. Though she's alone in her apartment, her mouth opens and closes several times as if to speak to someone. As if Buck is there. She has no idea what to say to her brother, not wanting to unload on him when he has finally reached out. He doesn't need to worry about her. "But why does he want us together?" she mumbles to herself, but then again, Buck has always been team Madney. He was—still is it seems—their biggest cheerleader, so excited for them that it hurts. God, she loves him for that. Instinctively rubbering her stomach, she weakly smiles thinking about her brother's big heart. He has one of the biggest hearts she has ever seen. "Your Uncle Buck has such a big heart." She whispers as she stares down at her round stomach.
Stiff jaw, her mind wanders back to Howard and their relationship… or whatever the current status is. God, she still doesn't know what to do about them. Her pervious words, said in anger, echo back to her: "I don't want to hear from you until I hear from Evan." She had told-yelled that at Howard, her anger and pain too great to be around him, and while that promise was set aside when she found out she was pregnant, the sentiment is the same: she doesn't—didn't?—want to talk to him until she heard from her brother. But now that she has, Maddie doesn't know what she wants.
Athena's earlier words loudly echo in her head, "He's a grown man, and we need to trust that he can take care of himself, while we take care of ourselves. You have to take care of yourself, Maddie. You can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, especially someone who isn't here." While it hurts to hear it, she needed to hear it. She can't base her life with Howard on Buck, and she needs to decide what is best for her and her baby. At least now, she doesn't have to worry about Buck and have that weight on her shoulders. She can finally give Howard a fair shot.
*O*O*
Maddie shifts uncomfortably on the familiar sofa, her fingers tracing a small cycle into her stomach. Normally at this time, Howard would sit on the other end of a similar yet different sofa, a good two feet between them. He would have his right hand out stretched, palm up as an open nonverbal invite to her. While her eyes would bounce to his hand every so often, she would never reach for it, her mind whispering traitorous thoughts into her ear. However, she called off their normally scheduled couple therapy session and scheduled an emergency session with her personal therapist. Howard, though he was very understanding, couldn't hide his disappointment completely and it leaked through. However, as Maddie sits anxiously on the sofa alone, she shockingly finds herself missing his comforting presence. Therapy is torture at times.
"Tell me what's going on. Did something happen?"
Picking at her nails, she heavily sighs. "Yes." Her shoulders are so stiff that pain shoots down her back.
"Why don't we talk about it. Is it something you want to talk about?" The therapist's question goes over Maddie's head, which doesn't go on notice by the therapist. He observes her blank expression and allows a few minutes of complete silence to pass with only his pin tapping. "Is everything okay, Maddie?" Doctor Perez, the therapist, softly asks. Just like with every session, the therapist is gentle but firm with Maddie. "You're quiet today. Anything you want to share."
"Uh…um," Maddie utters, her head popping up. Her tongue is heavy, everything tangled. She's unsure of how to voice it even if she knew what to say.
"Maddie?" Perez prompts.
Maddie takes a deep breath, as she tucks in her hands into her lap under her baby bump. Her mouth hangs open for a few seconds before she bites down on her bottom lip, contemplating everything. A part of her wants to keep Buck to herself, fearing what everyone will say once they learned he reached out. "I…Um…" She unevenly inhales. When the first breath doesn't still her thumping heart, she takes another. "My brother, Evan, reached out to me, and I…" Her mouth snaps shut, and she breathes slowly through her nose before letting it go out her mouth. "I don't know how to feel about it. Don't get me wrong I love my brother, and I'm over the moon that he has reached out, but…" She drifts off, unable to finish her sentence. The words just won't come out. She doesn't know how to voice it.
"You can't hide behind that anger anymore." Perez finishes resolutely.
The idea strikes Maddie hard. "I'm still angry," She tries to protest.
Perez nods. "Which is valid, but it's also valid to say you used it as a tool to hinder your relationship with Howard, used it as a chain to hold you back so you don't have to decide. After a year you had, it's understandable that you would be hiding behind it. Most people would run for the hills."
Maddie immaturely huffs, knowing exactly where he's going with this. "I get it." This has been the topic of many of their sessions, even if that wasn't her intention when she originally set up these meetings. She wanted-wants to work through her complicated feelings toward Howard, and yet, Perez directs her back to Doug, a man she would never like to think about again. It connected he says, and while there's logic to this, it stings to think about Doug for too long. "How can I look at him the same way again?" she asks softly. "I don't…" She cuts herself off and exhales. "I'm not sure where to begin."
"Baby steps." Perez replies. "I know we hear this all the time, but Rome wasn't built in the day. There's no magic switch to get rid of the trauma, and there's nothing wrong with you if you can't bounce back. We tend to be rougher on ourselves than others, saving the cruelest things for ourselves, and we believe it without fail." He pauses. "We humans are complex beings, who need tender love and care. We need to remember that."
This isn't the first time she has heard this, but it helps to hear it. "I know."
"Good."
Maddie takes a deep shaky breath. "Where do I start?"
"We." Perez corrects, delicately. "You aren't alone in this. You will never be alone. However, before we start walking in a random direction, let's start with two goals and make a game plan on how we get there. Sounds good?"
Goals sound good, but Maddie is still lost. Where does she start? "Yes."
Perez nods. "Goal One: to see yourself as worthy of love." He waits for a response. "How you feel about that?"
The word 'worthy' bounces around in her head. "Okay."
"And goal two: put yourself first." His eyes are zeroed in on the soft twitches on her face.
Those seem like simple tasks, but for Maddie, they feels unscalable, and her chest goes light. She feels like an idiot for not doing it already. "Put myself first…" she repeats slowly.
"Yes." Perez replies, taking note of her confused, perplexed face. "Maybe, this will help. Why are you hesitating in telling your brother about Howard and you? Who are protecting? Him?" He hums. "What are you worried about? Worried about burdening him? What about you?"
Maddie strokes her stomach. "He has already been hurt so much." She says, breathing through her mouth. After everything he has been though, she doesn't want Buck to blame himself for the state of the relationship. Yet…. At the same time, it's more than that. She doesn't want to admit it as she doesn't want to be true. "But it's more complicated."
"Let's talk that out."
*O*O*
After every therapy session, Maddie has the strong urge to drink, and honestly, she would be if it isn't for the little peanut doing flips in her uterus. "Ssshh," she hushes as she sways back and fore on her toes. "I know. I know." Though Howard and her relationship is strained and they only spend a few hours a week with together, the little girl is already a Daddy's girl, calming instantly at the sound of his voice. Maddie would totally be jealous if it isn't so damn cute. When she forgets she is mad at him, her heart swoons at the large smile on Howard's face as he speaks to the baby. No matter happens, that man will be a good father, even if he wasn't always a good friend or co-worker to Evan.
Maddie takes a deep breath and steps to the kitchen counter for her phone. She had set the phone there when she came back from therapy as she tried to process her thoughts. It has been hours since Buck asked about her and Howard's relationship and her therapy session. And she is just as lost, though the fog isn't as bad. For a few seconds after picking up her phone, her mind spirals, and she goes down a rabbit hole about what this silence is telling Buck before she stops herself. A shiver runs up her arm and her heart quivers. This is the exact thing that Perez warns her about, and while she tries to deny it, he has a point. She has to stop trying to protect Buck and start prioritizing herself, which is harder than she realizes. She always puts Buck first, protecting him from an early age, and while she will always be there for him, she has to put herself first.
Her hands sweaty, she lights up the screen and opens up her email, bringing up her last emails from Buck. After a lack of a response from her, there is another message from Buck.
Buck: Is everything okay?
Perez's word flashes before her once more and her chest goes tight. Maddie knows her gut reaction is to buck, but no, she needs to stop protecting Buck at the cost of her own mental health and comfort. Yes, she loves her brother, and she needs his support as much as he needs her. With a deep breath, she starts to type a response before stopping a second later. Exhaling, she deletes what she has, not liking what she had. Puffing out her cheeks, she takes another deep breath before she starts again. This time, she gets it out.
Maddie: No. Shit has hit the fan, and while I don't want you to worry about it, I am not going to hide it from you. I am not going to lie to you. I am not going to baby you at my expense. Yet, it isn't your fault. This is just the fallout of the situation. Fallout of people's reactions to the lawsuit. So no, Howard and I aren't doing okay. I did not like how he handled the situation. How anyone handled the situation, but you are my brother. I will always love you, and I don't know how to get pass the fact that Howard saw you hurting and did nothing. That being said, I am not sure I want to end things, especially with the baby on the way. (Yes, the baby. You're going to be an uncle.) That may change in the future as we will have to see if therapy will help us. Help us work through the pain. But please don't feel guilty about it. Please focus on yourself.
Maddie, her vision going blurry, blows out as she hits send, fighting back the tears. This isn't how she wants to tell Buck about the baby, but this entire situation isn't something she wants. Not allowing herself to bath in regret, her mind drifts to Christopher, the wonderful little boy who is suffering just as greatly, and she starts another email. She will never try to direct or influence Buck's next step, but Christopher needs to hear from him just as much as she does.
Maddie: Also, I don't know the full story between you and Eddie, though it will not change my mind regarding him, but please reach out to Christopher. That boy, who has been struggling in your absence, needs to hear from you. Everyone knows it, including Eddie.
Chicago
Seconds pass before Buck processes what's happening: Kelly's warm, chapped lips capturing his, while a warm, coarse hand worms way up beneath his shirt. A large shiver follows close behind the sensual touch. His emotions bubble up inside of him just beneath the skin, while his heart is about to explode. Yet, a moment clicks by before Buck leans into the kiss, his fingers curling tightly into the front of Kelly's shirt. Suddenly, the coat room is on fire, as the kiss turns passionate and hungry. At first, Buck isn't sure what to do as his kissing style depends on who he's kissing, although most of the time he allows his partner to set the pace. (He enjoys being manhandled. Who doesn't at times?) So, either Buck will pin his partners against the wall, demanding obedience with his tongue, or he will fall to his knees and follow every command like a good little boy.
With Kelly, Buck is the latter and just melts against the older man, following his every direction and nonverbal command. He leans into every warm touch and follows every motion, his blood pumping under Kelly's hands. Whether Buck is Kelly's first guy or not, the lieutenant's skill is showing as he masterfully explores Buck's mouth with his tongue, while he maneuvers the younger man backwards. Buck doesn't notice at first, not until his back slaps the wall, drawing a light groan deep from his gut, which Kelly eats. All of this goes straight to Buck's groin, his dick twitching in his pants, and now, his pants are extremely tight.
Instinctively, Buck forcefully thrusts his hip forward, smashing their groins together. Just like Buck, Kelly's family jewels are awake, thick and happy from the current events, and in almost perfect unison, they groan into the other mouths. As their erections rub against each other, hot, intoxicating urges flash up in Buck's spine, the kinds that he hasn't felt before. The kinds that draw Buck right in. The kinds that Buck wants to melt into. The kinds that make him want to rip off his clothes and present his ass to Kelly. A single thought—shit—shots through his head as panic starts to kick in. The pure desire in his body and soul scares the living daylights out of him, and his lust fog abruptly clears.
Like he has been burnt, his hands releases Kelly's shirt and fly up to him shoulders and pushes him back. It takes a moment to break his lips free of Kelly's, his chest tight. "Kel—Kelly. W-wait… S-top." He squeezes out, completely out of breath.
Like a deer in a headlight, Kelly's hands immediately and tightly drop to his side, and the lieutenant takes a massive step backward. Panic flashes across his eyes for a second before he masks it with a weak, yet tense smile. "Shit, Shit." He curses. "I'm so sorry. I didn't-"
"Kelly!" Buck's voice breaks and squeaks. He doesn't like the shame and guilt in Kelly's eyes. In fact, he hates it, as he wants nothing more than to bury himself in Kelly's embrace, but to do so would be a mistake. There're too many unanswered questions. His heart can't take it.
Exhaling slowly, Kelly straightens and squares his shoulders. "Ev…" Evan's name dies on Kelly's tongue as he clocks the look in Buck's face, though Buck doesn't give him a chance to speak.
His face red, Buck squeals out in a slight panic, "y-you kissed me!" There're a million things going through Buck's head, and each is a strike to the heart. "YOU Kissed me." He stabs his chest with a sharp finger. "You're s-straight… I…d- No…" Multiple things try to explode out from his mouth, his tongue in knots, and he isn't even sure of what half of those thoughts are. His "I…" He shakes his head and inhales though his nose. "Why?" his voice cracks. "W-why? After everything?" The world starts to spin as his lungs feel like they are on fire. His heart thumps in chest as he tries to catch his breath.
The stuffiness in Kelly's shoulders disappears and his focuses changes. "Evan," he states sternly. "Take a deep breath. Breathe with me." With his hand, he mimics the breathing motion he wants Buck to copy. "1… 2… 3…" He breathes in deeply. "1…2…2…"
Evan's panic flattens and he stares at Kelly blinking. "You repeated two." He huffs softly.
Kelly grins ear to ear. "I did. What are you going to do about it?"
The playfulness in Kelly's voice throws Buck through a loop and kicks him out of his manic state. Buck takes a step toward Kelly, his eyes drilling into Kelly's eyes. "You know-" He stops himself before going, "I don't understand. W-what was that?"
The expression on the Lieutenant's face changes. "The… kiss? It was a kiss. I'll kiss you again if you want to." Kelly says slowly, a bit confused.
Buck's brain freezes, already feeling the ghost of Kelly's lips. It takes several second for his brain to snap out of that day dream, his heart not wanting to leave. However, there are several implications, and he can't allow himself to ponder those thoughts for too long. "Why would you? You're straight and I got pipes!" he squeals again, motioning to his dick.
Kelly almost chokes, his heart pounding. He noticeably coughs as he takes a few seconds to catch his breath. "I-I think that's up for a debate." The smile that stretches across his face is breath taking and beautiful. Buck's already shaky knees almost buckles beneath him just looking at it. Why is the man wasting his time on Evan? "I don't know what I would call it just yet—do I need to?-, but I like you, Evan."
The omission startles Buck, his mind in a tail spin. Apart of the panic previously in his gut, a more intense worry creeps up, bringing Buck back to the time that he discovered his sexuality. It was both a confusing and scary time, as he couldn't comprehending what he was feeling. If he went off what his parents say it, whatever he was feeling was wrong and nasty, and at that age, he could only go off what his parents thought and hated himself. Unable to go against his parents, he called it a phase, a phase that he would outgrow. "I…" His tongue is numb. "I'll…No-"
"Evan." Kelly interjects firmly but gently. "I don't know what I'm or whatever you young people call this." He waves to himself, a smile still on his face. "But I do know that I like you, Evan, and not as a friend. Definitely not as a friend." He lets out soft, playful huff. "I want to explore this with you if you let me."
The word 'explore' echoes in Buck's head, and their 'date' flashes before his eyes, his chest tight. His cheeks heat up, thinking about how many times he had to pull himself back from jumping Kelly and time he could not hold himself back. God, Buck is so horny for this man. "Kel-" They do not get to finish their conversation as the alarms ring throughout the entire firehouse, jolting everyone awake and kicking everyone into gear.
Kelly doesn't move for a second, his eyes laser force on Buck. "This conversation isn't done." While there's a grin on his face, he is stern and firm. There's no fighting Kelly, that much is clear. Buck, his blood still pumping, thickly gulps before he rushes pass Kelly and heads to the truck, his dick still uncomfortable in his pants. Kelly follows closely behind him, tugging at his own pants. The rest of the house joins them seconds letter, Casey's eyes zeroing in on the two as he makes his way to the truck.
*O*O*
Very rarely does the firehouse sleep thought the night, the alarm sounding most nights for the busy firehouse, and they have to fight back the yawns. Yet, any groaning or moaning stops when they slip into their turnout gear and jump into the trucks, ready for business. No matter the hour or how many hours of sleep under their belts, they're ready to run into a fire without hesitation. However, there's an intense wave of bitterness inside of them when they realize it's a false alarm. False alarms are especially the worst when you have to search the entire building to confirm that it's a false alarm. It's even worse when it's a huge apartment building with over 12 floors and 100 apartments, and Buck is sexually frustrated through it all.
Kelly shoves Buck back, keeping a hold on Buck's shirt, as he seductively articulates Evan's name, his gravelly and husky voice.
Buck does his best to keep his lustful grumbles to himself as Casey and he pair up and go door to door checking for any hint of a fire, announcing themselves every few seconds. With the tingle of Kelly's touch still on his skin and his breath on his ear, it's a battle to keep focus on the task at hand. Get it together, Buckley, he yells at himself as he knocks on the next door. Hearing no answer, he knocks louder, his knuckles rattling on the door. At the lack of the response, something—frustration- roars up inside of him, and when he knocks the three time, he bangs his knuckles against the door. "CFD."
"You are wearing too many clothes." Kelly playfully whines as he pulls at Buck's shirt. "Let-"
Casey straightens up and turns his attention to Buck. "You okay, Buckley?"
His name snaps Buck from his dirty, erotic thoughts, and Buckley whips around, his eyes large. "Yup," he squeals, his voice squeaking. He, his cheeks a tad pinkish, quickly covers the crack in his voice, masking the squeal with a heavy cough. "Just hate false calls." He pauses. "And a bit cranky from the lack of sleep. That's all."
"Same here." Casey replies, eyeing Buck from the corner of his eyes. "Let's keep moving." The two continue their rounds on the floor before going to the next floor. They continue this until all of the floors are checked and no fire is found. It takes a few hours, but the entire building is clear, and everything is in working order. Each member of the firehouse is cranky when they jump back into their trucks and head back to the station… Well, besides Buck and Kelly who are still wired from their heated make out session.
*O*O*
By the time they get back to the station, the next shift has started to file in—some in uniform already-, waving and smirking at them as the trucks come to a complete stop. "Late night, Captain?" one of the third shift teases.
"Hush it, Lieutenant," Casey shots back, a cheesy, yet irritated grin on his face. Looking a bit crazy, he points a sharp finger at the other man. "Before careful. Don't you want a Q-"
"NOO," The entire firehouse yells, their voice a large roar slapping against the walls and bursting out the doors. Cruz's voice echoes the loudest, adding the "Don't say it. Even if our shift is over, no. Just no!"
Normally, no one, especially Casey, would say the Q word in the firehouse, as that's asking for trouble, but considering it's the end of shift and would be the third shift's problem, Casey has no problem teasing them. Like everyone else on the second shift, they are all extremely tired and grumpy, and sleep is the only thing on their mind. Well, maybe food. "What?" Casey shrugs, innocently. "It's only fair." He rips off his turnoff gear and heads to the coat room. From there, a playful—yet loud banter exploded from the two shifts, and the firehouse is filled with life: one big family… One big family that fights, but there's not once ounce of hate in the building, which just stands out to Buck.
God, Buck loves his house and is so lucky he stumbles into this place. Sure, he could be a firefighter anywhere, but the love in this house is slowly putting him back together. Though, Buck doesn't allow himself to focus too much on that as he spots a determined Kelly staring at him. His blue-green eyes are drilling into him, his intention clears, and the blood is starts to rush to Buck's groin, the heat from earlier rebuilding. In his life, he has kissed and fucked quite a few people—too many to count-, but none of them can compete with the red-hot flames in his chest. It both scares and excites Buck, who is frozen in place by the intensity of it. His legs are like Jell-O, and it takes all of his remaining strength to stay upright.
"This means war!" Gallo cheers, snapping Buck from his dangerous thoughts.
Whatever war this is, Buck doesn't have the energy to join in. With a deep shakily breath, he shakes his head and turns sharply away from Kelly's heated glaze. As quickly as he can—being the chicken that he is-, he rushes to the locker room for his things, ungracefully running into walls. A nice hot shower crosses his mind, but he pushes that idea right out of his head. He needs to get out of here as soon as possible and hide in the safety of his apartment, a place where he can decompress… decompressed from that…Shit… from that kiss.
Kelly's words post the kiss float around in Buck's head, bouncing off the side like a tennis ball. Sure, Buck has dreamt about the older man returning his feeling, dreamt about the feel of Kelly's hands on his skin, and yes, there were moments that Buck had to stop himself from jumping a kissing Kelly on their 'date', his feelings too intense, but this is something else. A new reality is slapping Buck in the face, a reality that Buck didn't think was-is possible. He needs to wrap his mind around that first before he does anything. And he can't do that here under Kelly's eyes, eyes that makes Buck want to drop his pants. His heart pounding, he's out of the station in five minutes flat, zipping past everyone before anyone can realize. He spots to Kelly at the top of the driveway, his eyes cutting right through him. However, Buck doesn't wait, jumping into his jeep.
*O*O*
With a deep breath, Buck swiftly and quickly closes the door to his apartment behind him and collapses against it, landing with a loud fat thump. He takes a few deep—yet shaky- breaths as he relives the memory of Kelly's hand running his hand up his back, Kelly's tongue deep in his mouth. A large, uncontrollable shiver rans down his spine, and an intense wave of hunger and lust fill his belly, his dick twitching in his pants. It almost overwhelms him, his desire so strong and thick. He thought he knew how much he wants and longs for Kelly, but he underestimated by how much. It almost knocks him over, his stomach doing never-ending flips.
Door locked and still leaning back against it, Buck—unable to stop himself—unbuckles his pants and reaches for his penis, stroking it a few times. He is already hard, imagining Kelly whispering in his ear and dipping his hand in Buck's pants. His hand wraps around, as he thinks about all the things he wants from the lieutenant. God, he wants that man. Wants him more than anyone else he has ever wanted.
More than Adrian.
More than Miller
More than Abby
More than Eddie
That thought alone stops the young firefighter's heart in his tracks, his hand freezing, and the astonishing realization hits him like a truck. His feelings for Eddie feel inferior now. Even though he knows Kelly for less time, his feelings are on a different level. Just thinking about the man, Buck's chest is tight, and for several long seconds, Buck's lungs struggle to inflate. The room spins for a moment, his legs trembling, before he, removing his hand from his pants, forces himself to take a deep inhale. For the first few attempts, Buck's lungs fail to expand, and he coughs viciously. Panicking, he grabs at his chest, a death grip on his sweaty CFD shirt. His vision waves, black dancing across his vision, and his stomach threatens to revolt on him. In out. In out, Buckley. He tells himself, replaying the memory of Kelly counting with him.
Finally on his sixth attempt, he's able to catch his breath and he sucks down a hot breath. Though, it takes few minutes for Buck's heart to settle and his world to stop spinning. When it does, he can't move, his legs stiff, and he's feeling a little light headed. By a little, he means a lot as he still tastes Kelly on his tongue. Buck hasn't been able to get Kelly off his tongue or his thoughts, and even during the call, it was there, haunting him. There were so many flashes as what could've been: Kelly ripping Buck's clothes off him, Kelly kissing every inch of his body, Kelly pinning him to the wall fucking him good, etc.… While he was able to keep those urges under control, they poked out once in fits of irritation, catching Casey's attention. "Fuck," he curses as the hot sensation of Kelly's gentle touch flashes up his spine. Why in the hell is a simple kiss—it isn't a simple kiss—affecting him so much?
After buckling his pants, Buck takes yet another deep breath as he works off his boot, struggling with the right one. He grunts, applying even more pressure at the top of the boot, and his foot twists uncomfortable, forced into an odd angle. Pain ticking up from his ankle, his frustration grows with each failed attempt, which shows as he violently shakes his foot. A growl works its way up his throat before he shallows it and practically chokes on it. He hisses and pauses for a second before he tries again. While his emotions are still high, it works, and his boot is sent flying on the next attempt, smacking the wall hard.
The thump echoes through the apartment, and with one foot hovering, Buck freezes in the pose as the next apartment pounds back on the wall. After the pounding stops, he exhales slowly before he gently takes off the second boot, using both hands this time. With his left boot in hand, he crosses the small room to the other before he steps back to the front of the apartment and sets them down by the door, alongside his duffel. Next, his goal is to shower even if he is dead on his feet, but he can't move again and just stands in the middle of the room, his phone heavy in his pocket.
A few minutes passes before Buck manages to reach for his phone. There're two unread messages from Maddie from earlier, arriving after a few hours of silence. He had seen the messages before, but he didn't have the chance to read them, and now, he isn't in the right mindset to do so. Buck glances at Maddie's response for a second but he doesn't read it. Instead, he needs a friend, not a sister… No. He needs her, but he needs someone to put his head on straight. Someone who knows every part of him, including his Navy days. He closes his email and goes to his contacts. Puffing out his cheeks, he scrolls through the names before he finds the ones he wants. When he switched to his new number, he made sure to add this contact. No matter the distance or time, this man is always there for him. With a deep breath, he hits the dial, his heart beating in his ear.
With each ring, Buck's nerves jump, but just when his heart is about to explode, he gets sent to the voicemail. As if he has been dropped on his head, there's a surge of disappointment in Buck's chest when he hears, "You've reach Steve McGarrett. Leave a message after the beep."
The firefighter huffs. "Hey…um…Steve. It's Buck…Shit, Evan. It's Evan." He puffs, awkwardly. "Sorry… Yea, I know it has been a while, but hey, life. Stupid life…" With his freehand, he does jazz fingers. "I just want to check in, you know? Just… need to talk… Um…well. Anyhow, later." While he ends the call feeling like a complete fool, it doesn't mask his disappointment.
Though, he doesn't get to sit in that disappointment for along as an unexpected knock on the door echoes throughout his apartment, startling the blonde. The knocks are loud and purposeful, leaving no doubt that the person on the other side of the door is on a mission. The person knocks loudly for 30 seconds before they stop for 20 seconds. A few seconds later, the person knocks again before saying loudly, "Evan. It's me. I know you are here. Open up."
Buck almost trips over his own feet. "K-Kelly," he croaks. Why is Kelly? Shit. Shit. Shit. Why did Kelly have to follow him? Why?
*O*O*
A few things are passing through Kelly's mind as he spots Buck making a beeline to his Jeep. Some of them are pure annoyance at Evan avoiding him again, while others are sexual. At first, Kelly wonders if it's for the best to let Buck leave: a cornered animal is never safe. However, he tosses that idea as soon as Buck speeds off. It doesn't take a genius to know that allowing Buck to stew in his thoughts is a bad idea, Kelly figuring that out within days of knowing the man. He's sure that he isn't the only one to come to this conclusion, considering the side view he gets from Casey. His best friend has come to the same assumption.
With a deep breath, Kelly follows the newest 51 firefighter to his apartment, his heart pounding. While the state of the neighborhood doesn't go unnoticed (something he noticed the first time), he steps out of his car and makes his way up the steps on a mission. Kelly can't tell you how long it takes him to climb the steps as time seems to morph around him. At times, it feels like hours have passed in a matter of seconds, a possible future flashing before his eyes, and yet, a second later, time crawls, ants passing him by. Puffing his cheeks, Kelly shakes his head and quickens his steps.
He fights the urge to run, doubts popping up in his head(If Buck was interested, he wouldn't have run away, right?), as he's not a child regardless of the youthful butterflies flipping in his chest. However, the group of men at the end of the hallway clips those butterflies' wings, and the dauntless Lieutenant Severide comes out, his firefighter mask up. They eye him all the way down to Buck's door, which Kelly feels in his spine. While it's true you don't know the kind of person a person is just by looking at them—he would never judge someone on looks-, there's a limited number of reasons to stare at someone like that. Though Kelly—he has a healthy ego—knows he can turn heads, he knows that isn't why he is getting the stare down.
Shaking his head, he faces the door and heavily knocks, everything else disappearing. He isn't pounding on the door yet, but it is loudly enough that the neighbors can hear. So far, there's no answer from the other side of the door; however, seeing Buck's jeep, he knows the man is here. No doubt, he is being Buck and thinks he can avoid Kelly. "Evan. It's me. I know you're here. Open up." He pounds. He pauses, straining his ear for footsteps. At first, he thinks Buck's going to ignore him and contemplates how long he's going to wait, but the door opens a second later, revealing a very shocked and red Buck. "Evan."
"K-Kelly, what are you doing here?"
From the corner of his eyes, Kelly glances down the hallway. His eye switches as he catches the men's cold stare. "Can you let me in? The guys down there are staring at me, and it isn't with sexy eyes." He grins, halfway awkwardly.
Buck doesn't even poke his head out to look before he moves to the side to let him in. The redness in his checks dies down slight, annoyance flashing across his eyes. "Probably not." He says, his tone stiff. "Come in."
Kelly angles himself and slides by the tall blonde. "Thanks," he smiles, stopping a few steps in. As if he has stepped in some secret, highly classified location, he takes a good look around Buck's small apartment, taking note of everything. The apartment is mostly empty, his items sparse. Kelly isn't sure what he was expecting, but man, this place feels hollows and lonely. Where is all of Buck's stuff?
With a deep exhale, Buck slowly and gently closes the door. His eyes firmly and squarely on the wooden door (his back to Kelly), he takes a moment before he closes his eyes and asks, "H-how can I help you, Lieutenant." His voice is shaky.
Kelly keeps back a groan from hearing his title. "Kelly." He corrects, looking over his shoulder. "This is no way, shape or form work related."
Buck inhales and exhales. "I…um…" He shakes his head and turns slightly, glancing at Kelly's face before quickly turning away, his eyes on the right wall. "You…um..." He bites down on his bottom lip. "R-regret it?"
The sadness and anguish in Buck's voice strikes Kelly like a closed fist. "Regret it?" he asks, shocked. "No!" He states firmly and loudly. "I stand by what I did and said." The heated kiss flashes before his eyes, warmth flooding him. "I wouldn't mind a repeat. However, I'm not here for that per se, and you seem a little wobbly. I'm here to ask you out. A real date." While that non date felt like a date, it wasn't a date, and Kelly wants to take Buck out on a true date. To wine and dine him. To show him that he is worth it. Evan has a habit of running, and while taking things slow isn't Kelly thing, he will do it for Buck. He will do it whatever it takes to show Buck that he is worth it.
Turning fully to Kelly, Buck's mouth is wide open, his surprise written clear as day on his face. "A d-date?"
"Yes, a date. A real date." Kelly gives Buck one of his most cheesy smiles. "And hopefully more kisses."
Buck's lips do that cute, adorable quirks of his, twitching and contorting into odd shapes. Shapes that Kelly doesn't even know is possible. "You l-like me? And want to go on a date with me? Me?" he asks, japing a sharp finger into his chest.
Kelly narrows his eyes, his mind glitching on him for a solid minute. Did he not pin Evan to a wall and stick his tongue down his throat? Did his hands not snake their way up his back? Or did Kelly make that all up in his head? Kelly pauses, replaying that make up session in his head. His chest goes light and his dick twitches. Nope, it happened. "Yes, Evan. I want to go on a date with you."
"Okay." The response is soft, barely above a whisper. It takes a second for it to click.
"Okay?" Kelly utters, unbelieving what he has just heard.
Evan nods, his hand shaking. "Yes, okay."
Just okay?... No, stop Kelly. Baby steps. Kelly wants nothing more than to pull Buck into another kiss, but he doesn't want to scare the young man. Right now, he's a deer in headlights, and any sudden movements will send him running to the hills. "Good." He beams. "I'll send you the details." Kelly wants to throw out a random date and time (AKA tonight) before Evan can change his mind, but no, he needs to plan this date right down to the second as he needs this date to be perfect. Perfect! He needs to make sure this date says everything that Buck needs to hear.
Buck, stiffly, nods clumsily. "Sounds good."
"Good." Kelly has to force his feet to move toward the door, as he wants to stare at those pretty blue eyes for a few more minutes, but there is a heavy exhaustion in his body from the lack of sleep. This excitement can only hide his exhaustion for long so. "I'm going to let you rest now. I think we both are dead on our feet."
"Yup. I can sleep like a baby." Buck says, his eyes smiling.
It seems odd for Kelly to be leaving so soon after getting here, but Kelly doesn't want to overwhelm Evan, and he said what he needed to be said. However, he will add this for good measure, "Listen, Ev. I don't regret any of this, and while you will be my first man, I want to dive right with you. I want to kiss you, hug you and do all the things with you. I don't care about the lawsuit or anything else. I know the man that you are, and I know that I want to get to know that man. If I have to repeat it over and over again, I will." He pauses. "Okay?"
Buck nods. "Yes."
Kelly awkwardly makes his way past Buck, giving him a soft, warm grin before he makes his way back to his car. Once again, he has to resist the urge to reach out to him and kiss him. While he has no clue how to label himself, there's a hope in his step that hasn't been there before, and there's nothing that can get him down. Nothing. Not even the guys down the hallway giving him a stink eye as he makes his way to the steps. Kelly is on cloud nine, and there is no doubt Casey is going to want to throw him off a cliff when he gets back to the apartment.
The End for now
1) Yes, I added Buck's to Steve in because I wanted to Steve and I was this, "This will get me excited!" I want to add more Buck and Steve scenes. Also, some jealous Kelly in the background LOL.
2) With Madney, I went background and forth with them. I hadn't completely made up my mind, but I don't really have the heart for a break up. LOL
3) Yes. Anyone else like that kiss? Poor boys. They need more kissing. (Casey may not enjoy the thought as he will have to deal with Kelly afterward)
Anyhow, let me know what you think!
