After an eventful day of successfully vanquishing Lung and, of course, acquiring the potential routes of the Dallon Sisters, my Popular Phase had officially begun. After a long fight, my parents had admitted I probably shouldn't just bed down at the PRT headquarters, and picked me up. Neither of them had said much to me on the ride home, and I'd returned the favor. The jerks.
When I got home, I went straight to my sanctuary, where I was safe, and lay down for a well deserved rest.
And, of course, I wanted to spend those juicy, juicy XP drops I had gotten during the fight with Lung.
Instead of attending to my nightly routine, I closed my eyes as soon as I was in my bed, and tried to fall asleep. You'd think it would be easy after a long day at school, then an exhausting fight, but my mind wouldn't shut off, thinking of how my ability had screwed up in the battle, along with a number of things.
Like, yeah, sure, stealing Taylor's panties would normally be a massive score on my part, but not during the battle. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. My powers should work how I wanted, when I wanted! If I wanted to steal panties, they should do that! If I wanted to steal something off the bad guy to slow him down, that's how it should work!
What kind of screwed up system did these powers run on?!
I got so worked up, that by the time I actually fell asleep, I was really angry and frustrated, ready to burst a blood vessel, actually.
"Oh, hey, so, you're back. Cool."
I blinked, and looked around. I was once more in that endless black void, where the two white chairs were. Across from me, the same blue haired goddess who called herself Aqua was sitting. This time, however, she was playing on…was that a Nintendo DS?! We hadn't even gotten them in Earth Bet!
"Well? Are you going to say anything? I got things to do, you know! I'm not just sitting around wasting my powers like a NEET," Aqua said, reaching down for a bag of chips beside her chair. She popped a Dorito in her mouth, then licked her fingers. Wait. Was she playing the DS while eating chips!? That thing had to be grimy as hell!
"For your information, I just defeated a major league bad guy! I'm a real cape now!" I snapped, jumping up out of my chair.
Aqua looked up at me, frowning. "Seriously? Huh, that's cool. I didn't think you had it in you, honestly. It's been like, three months, and all you've done is steal some panties. Pervert."
"Hey! I was testing out the powers YOU gave me! Steal should get me the item I actually want! I used it on Lung to steal his mask!" I snapped, pointing an accusatory finger at Aqua.
She rolled her eyes, snapping her DS shut. "It's a Luck based skill. That's really your only good stat, so it's a good fit for you. Really I don't know what your issue is. I gave you those special skill trees. Why are you bothering me now? Ugh, I should have just set up those automated shard assistants like Eris did, talking with everyone I recruit is such a bother."
"Automated assistant? You mean like that weird spider-thing Taylor has?" I asked. Then I made an X gesture with my hands. "Woah, time out! This is about ME. I want to spend MY skill points! I got a bunch!"
"Ugh, fine, sure, we can do that. Just hurry it up, will you? What skill do you want?" Aqua demanded. She frowned, then started making doodling gestures to her side. Glowing blue circles with weird symbols and letters appeared, and flashed and faded as Aqua pointed at them. "How did Eris do that again? Hmm, I need to set up the shards so they just like, figure this out on their own…ugh, it's so hard! They're like…me…but not me…hmph. Why isn't there an easier way to do this?!"
"Hey! Focus here! Look, I need some more impressive abilities in direct combat. Lung could have smoked me there!" I said, jabbing a finger into my palm.
"So…what? Like some sort of invincibility power or something so you can take hits?" Aqua asked, clearly not paying attention to me as she continued to do…whatever it was that she was doing…
"No! Are you crazy!? I don't want to get hit!" I began to pace back and forth, rubbing my chin. "I need something that will allow me to get in and out of danger quickly, while still using my abilities. Drain Touch is my trump card. It even took down Lung."
"Well, there's like…limited teleporting abilities and stuff," Aqua said, still not looking at me. "So…if I do this…then this…hmm, that should allow most people's shards to do their thing…Oh! That's what the Warrior is doing! Well, that should be easy enough to set my shards to find people in the right circumstances! Hmm, but I'll need to personalize it. People should be able to choose if they want superpowers or not!"
"Who wouldn't want super powers?" I asked, confused.
Aqua shrugged, sticking her tongue out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrated on her work. "Well, I dunno, but it's polite, you know? With Great Power comes Great Responsibility. This is the wisdom of Aqua, Goddess of Water."
"That's the wisdom of Stan Lee! You stole that from Spiderman!" I accused.
"Well, I'm a super amazing goddess, so obviously, I inspired Stan Lee!" Aqua declared. Then she nodded and smiled. "There! That should do it. She can handle all that, might as well do something useful. Oh. Huh. I guess I can't automate you…"
"What do you mean, automate me?! Are you going to turn me into some sort of puppet?!" I demanded angrily.
"Huh? No! I'm not THAT kind of Goddess! That's what the Warrior is doing, the big jerk. Obviously, as a compassionate and beautiful goddess, I would never turn people into puppets!" Aqua said, tossing her hair over one shoulder and turning back to face me as the runes and circles faded. "They should choose to worship me of their own free will!"
"Well, I'm an atheist," I huffed, turning to the side. "I don't believe in goddesses."
"What!? You're Japanese! You're supposed to believe in all sorts of gods! And I'm totally more powerful than most of them, and cooler!" Aqua declared, standing up and planting her hands on her hips.
"I think you're actually an AI, or alien, or something. You know, sufficiently advanced science is indistinguishable from magic," I said, trying to take a superior tone.
"Oh, you can shove that right up your butt! I can totally do magic! What do you think superpowers are?! Ugh, just pick your ability and go!"
"Well, the thing is…I don't know what skill to pick!" I said, throwing my hands up.
"Just like, pick one." Aqua held out a hand, and a thick book appeared in her hands, the same she'd shown me originally. "You can pick any of them, I think you're kinda funny so I'm being extra nice."
"I read them all! None of them are just right!" I argued. "Can't you give me higher level abilities?!"
"Only if you level up your shard. Those are the rules Eris and I came up with," Aqua sniffed.
"You keep saying that. I don't just want a shard! I want an OP cheat item that will let me get a harem of hot girls and become the hero!" I argued.
"Ugh! The nerve! Here I am, helping you out, giving you powers, and I'm a super cute girl!" Aqua said, shaking a finger at me. Then, she suddenly grinned coyly. "You know…I could turn YOU into a super cute girl. If that's what you really want…"
"NO! Don't be gross! But, if you're giving me an assistant, I want HER to be a cute girl! That way, I can dream of someone attractive when I pick my abilities," I stated.
"But, you already dream of me," Aqua said, frowning in puzzlement.
I folded my arms over my chest and gave her a devilish grin. "I stand by my previous statement."
"WHAT?! UGH! Just pick your ability and go! You can choose anything here!" Aqua ranted, holding the book out.
I regarded it, then looked up at her. I frowned slightly. "Hey. What abilities do you have?"
The book vanished, and Aqua took on a smug grin. "Well, I modeled my character after a traditional healing goddess! So, I am the goddess of water, but I am also a super amazing healer! I cast every healing spell in the book, give out incredible buffs, perform miracles, all the good stuff! Plus, I really like art and stuff, so, I made myself the Muse of the Arts! Eris took all the practical and dumb boring domains like Commerce and Organization, but I got the fun ones!"
"So…my party already has a mezzer, and a tank…and you're a healer?" I asked, a plan forming in my head.
"Yep! I always like playing healers in games and MMOs. They totally have the cutest outfits too. I made this on myself!" Aqua spun in a circle, showing her pink divine mantle, her scandalously short skirt, and that weird hair bobble. It was alright, I supposed.
"And you can cast buffs…anything else?" I asked, rubbing my chin.
"Well, I don't mean to brag, but I made it so my divine body was also capable of controlling water! I am, after, all, Aqua, Goddess of water! Plus, I've got maxed out stats in every category that's important!"
"You don't have any dump stats?" I asked in surprise.
"Meh, priests don't need to max out their intelligence anyway. I get loads of skill points naturally, and I can already speak all the languages ever, so what would be the point?" Aqua said with a shrug.
"A natural minmaxer, eh? And you have MMO experience?" I demanded.
"Oh, totally! My guild just downed Arthas on Hard Mode! I play a holy priest, naturally!" Aqua bragged.
"Hmm. Alliance, or Horde?" I asked.
"Alliance, obviously! I'm a pretty human girl! I wanted to have blue hair, but I'm not playing an icky little gnome," Aqua said, sticking her tongue out. "And horns are just ew."
She was obviously an idiot. Everyone knew that Horde was superior. But, I had made my choice.
"Well, you're saying I can pick…anything? As my skill choice. You promise? A goddess can't break their word, right?"
"Yep! Eris and I both agreed that lying is dumb and something only mortals can do, and obviously a goddess has to keep her word!" Aqua agreed.
"Well then…for my new skill…I pick you." I said, pointing at Aqua.
"Great, that's exactly what you'll have then… We'll just spend your skill points and…come again?" Aqua said, frowning at me. As she spoke, a great blue circle similar to the one's she'd been messing with earlier formed around her.
"I pick you. As my skill. I want you to physically manifest, and be my party's healer," I said, grinning smugly.
"Well, I'm obviously not doing that!" Aqua huffed. "That would be-"
"Lady Aqua! Do not fear, for while you walk the mortal realms, I shall control your shard, and make sure your abilities are used wisely."
I blinked and above us, a woman with alabaster white skin and hair, her body obscured as her long hair wrapped about her like Lady Godiva. She grinned down at Aqua, and her grey eyes were…disturbing, to say the least.
Aqua looked up, panic on her face. "WHAT!? No! No, I didn't mean to do that! What are you doing, Eden!? You're not supposed to-"
"But you promised, did you? Your shards are operating independently, and Eris is distracted…so, I'm free. Thank you ever so much. Say hello to my counterpart for me. I'm sure you'll have fun with the little worms you and Eris so love," Eden said, smiling. On the surface it was a beautiful smile, but beyond that…something about it was wrong and disturbing.
"NOOO!" Aqua screamed, pounding against the clear blue barrier that had formed around us. "NO, YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! IT ISN'T FAIR, IT ISN'T-"
"Goodbye, Aqua. And don't worry. When the cycle finishes, I'll make sure you and Eris get a nice new planet to visit," Eden promised. Then, the blue light enveloped us, and I lost consciousness for a few moments.
A few moments later, I felt something around my neck, and wetness splashed in my face as a wailing filled my ears.
"K-KAZUMAAAAAAAA!"
I could only make a strangled gasping noise as I jerked awake. I opened my eyes to find Aqua grabbing me by my neck as she wept and wailed, shaking me vigorously.
"Ack, stop it, you're choking me!" I gasped, shoving Aqua off the top of me. I forced her onto the bed and rolled over on top of her. "What are you doing!? Who was that, and why are you-"
"Kazuma! What are you doing!? Do you have a girl in there!? Not in this house!" my father's voice said through the door.
"NO! It's just…my powers! They're acting up, dad!" I said. I turned back to Aqua, who was still loudly wailing. "Shhh! They'll hear you!"
"B-but Eden is loose! Y-you're all g-going to die! W-we were supposed to stop the Cycle!" Aqua wept, shoving me hard. She was actually really strong, and I flailed my arms before falling off my bed and onto the floor with a thump.
"That is a girl in there! Where's that key!? I'm coming in there!"
"No! Don't!" I gasped, stretching out a hand. But it was too late. There was a loud click, and the door opened.
"What is this!? Some strange foreign devil girl seducing my son!?" my mother shouted, sticking her head in the room. "You get this evil powers and you already becoming evil! You even fight Lung, the man who try to save our country! You bring SHAME to this family!"
"I am not a devil!" Aqua huffed, scrambling off the bed. "I am Aqua, goddess of-"
"I don't care what you call yourself, you hussy! Out of my house! My son is in so much trouble!" my mother ranted. "Not even bringing home proper Japanese girl! First it that ugly glasses girl who always in trouble, now this!"
"Taylor is my FRIEND! She's not ugly, and I don't give a damn if she's Japanese or not!" I shouted, stepping in front of Aqua. "And Aqua's been kinder to me then you two have! So shut it! If I want to bring a girl home, I can! I'm 16 now!"
"Not and live under my roof! I work so hard, and you throw it all away!" my dad snapped. "Now, get out, crazy blue haired devil girl!"
"I AM NOT A DEVIL!" Aqua screamed.
"SCREW YOU OLD MAN! SHE STAYS!" I shouted.
"YOU GET RID OF HER OR YOU NEVER COME BACK HERE!" my parents bellowed.
"You know what!? FINE!" I grabbed my backpack, stuffed in some clothes, a few chapters of manga, and my wallet, and tossed it at Aqua. "Here!"
"Um, OK. Kazuma, what are you-" Aqua began, but my parents were screaming at me.
"-call the police! Not have a crazy super powered-"
"-devil girl shaming this family-"
I ignored them, hot tears running down my cheeks. I pulled out my old rolling luggage we'd had when we came to America, and threw in my old game boy, a few more clothes, some figurines, a few more chapters of manga, and my laptop and phone along with some cables.
"Last chance! Apologize to Aqua and admit she can stay, or we're out of here and you lose your only son!" I snapped at my parents.
"I don't have a son. Not one that could be so rude," my father huffed.
"The only child I ever loved was Katsumi. Why did she have to die, and not you?" my mother said, turning her back on me.
I couldn't speak, and tears blinded me. Then, I felt someone take my hand.
"It's Ok, Kazuma…I'll go. I…I can find my own way…You…you stay with your parents," Aqua said. Her voice was on the verge of panic and I could still hear the tears.
But I knew what I had to do. Wiping my eyes dry with my sleeve, I took Aqua's hand, and pulled the roller bag behind me. "Come on, Aqua, we're leaving."
I led her down the hall and out the door, not even bothering to close it behind me. Aqua and I walked out that night, with only two bags of my worldly possessions. I half expected my parents to call out to me to stop, to come back.
But they never did.
So, I led Aqua down the walkway, past the other apartments, then out of the complex, out of the parking lot, and into the street. Then, we walked down the road for a while. Not many cars were out: it was just after dawn, but most of Brockton Bay was still sleeping.
We made our way to the corner, and, with nowhere else to go, we went into the McDonalds there.
"Welcome to McDonalds," the tired employee said. She had dark circles under her blue eyes, and her blonde hair was pushed up under her cap. From her appearance, she was some college kid working the night shift to pay for classes. "Where we serve breakfast starting at…yawn…5:00am…it's 4:57…but whatever."
"Can we get…Aqua, how much money do we have?" I demanded.
"Um, I didn't exactly have a wallet," Aqua admitted. "Or…um…a purse…I was going to make one…but…I hadn't exactly gotten around to it yet…"
Super. I dug in the backpack she had, and pulled out my wallet. Not much. "Well take…two waters and a 20 piece mcnugget."
"Can we get fries?" Aqua asked hopefully.
I sighed. "And a large fries…"
"Yeah, OK. Cheap date, huh?" the cashier asked as she punched in the order.
"We're not dating," Aqua and I said at the same time.
"Cool, whatever. Food'll be out in a few minutes."
We got our food and sat at a booth, both of us regarding the nuggets and fries as they grew cold. Aqua took a sip of the water, then made a face. She took the cups over and emptied them, then brought them back.
"Create Water," she said, pointing a finger. They instantly filled with sparkling, clear water.
I picked up the cup and sipped it. A tear trickled down my cheek. "That's…that's the best water I've ever had."
"I am the goddess of water after all," Aqua said, preening slightly.
"Huh."
I went back to sitting morosely, but at the praise Aqua started snacking on the fries and nuggets. "Hey! This is pretty tasty! Wow, is this what eating is really like?!"
"You sound like some sort of weird alien from a light novel when you say that," I said in disgust.
"Hmph. Goddess, not alien!" Aqua sniffed, but then she sniffled and put her head down on the table. "I…I want to go back home…"
"Sure, fine, I unpick you as my item. Just help me choose my abilities," I said with a wave of my hand.
"But I can't! Kazuma, I have to keep my promise, and Eden, she locked me out!" Aqua wailed. "You ruined everything!"
"Me!? Why did you even make it so I could do that, then?! Your system was seriously flawed, and I don't see how something like that wasn't going to eventually-"
"Hey, keep it down! It's too early for this!" another customer growled at us from over his coffee and McMuffin.
"We're sorry!" Aqua and I said together, then turned back to our meager meal.
"Um, I can't afford much more food, so…we'd better eat it," I admitted.
"W-well…I'm glad I got to try mortal food once," Aqua sniffed. She reached out for another frenchfry.
Just then, the door jingle sounded.
"Welcome to McDonalds, we-AI-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Aqua and I both jerked up to see a giant, horrific monster step carefully sideways through the door.
"Hey, I'm just here to pick up an order, got it written down here and stuff," the monster said. "We just need-"
"GET OUT! GET OUT!" the cashier screamed, cowering behind the counter. "I DON'T GOT NO MONEY, MAN!"
"DEMON!" Aqua shouted, jumping to her feet. "I'LL KILL YOU!"
"Hey now, that's real rude o' yeh, lady. Ain't you the one who-"
"WE DEMAND TRIBUTE! GIVE US MCDONALDS!" a new voice shouted, and suddenly four girls poured around the giant demon thing.
"Get me a Happy Meal, Mr. Big Chicken!" the smallest girl demanded.
"Who are you people?!" the poor employee moaned, peeking up from behind the cash register.
"BEHOLD!" the four girls all struck a ridiculous pose, even as Aqua raised a fist and growled at the giant demon, who sighed and covered his face with his taloned hands as if in embarrassment.
"I AM MEGUMIN!"
"I AM ARUE!"
"I-I am Y-Yunyun…"
"AND I AM KOMEKKO! GIVE US HAPPY MEALS!"
"You want…food?" the employee asked. Behind us, the patron who'd harassed us earlier had scampered out the back exit, leaving the only other occupants of the restaurant myself and Aqua.
"That's what I was tryin' to tell ya, pal. We don't want yer money or nothin'," the demon said. He frowned at Aqua, showing giant fangs, then tromped over to the counter. "Listen. I just need a happy meal with nuggets, two big macs, one with no pickles or nothin', the other with extra mayo, an' I need two double quarter pounders with cheese-"
"And no onions!" the scrawniest of the four girls, I think it was Megumin, demanded.
"I was gettin' to that! And no onions on them Quarter pounders. And fries with all that. Plus the drinks. Let's see here, I wrote it down…"
Of all things, the demon held out his left thumb and foretalon, and a pair of glasses puffed into existence. He put the glasses on and help up the paper. "Yessir, a coke, a root beer, a sprite, a milk, an' a extra large Dr. Pepper."
"We're out of Dr. Pepper man, sorry," the employee said, dutifully punching it all into the register. As soon as the demon had started giving a regular order, she'd gone right to work.
They probably were not paying herim anywhere near enough. Where else could you get this quality of service but in Brockton Bay?
"Well, shoot. Well, we'll just pick that up for Bakuda from the corner store or somethin' on the way back."
Wait…Bakuda? Oh no. This was bad…
"Aqua!" I hissed in her ear. "We have to leave!"
But she was too busy staring down the demon to notice, still growling.
"She says fountain drinks are the best, she will not be content with a mere bottle!" the scrawny girl piped up.
"Well I can't just conjure that up o' thin air, missy! She got another drink she likes?" the demon demanded.
"Big Sis likes Diet Coke too!" the youngest of the three girls supplied. "Make him give you a Diet Coke, Mr. Big Chicken!"
"I told you, my name is HOOST! I ain't a chicken! Come on, kid…" the demon sighed. He turned back and held up a finger. "And one extra large Diet Coke. No ice."
"Um, OK." the girl punched it all in, then nodded. "Alright. Your total is $43.20."
The demon blinked twice, then turned to the girls. "Uh…who's got the money?"
"Um…I left my wallet at the hideout," the one with the stammer, probably Yunyun, admitted.
"A lady of my stature does not carry something so crass as cash," the girl with a big purple ribbon, I think she was Arue, said.
"I don't have that much money!" Megumin huffed.
"You pay for it, Mr. Big Chicken!" Komekko ordered.
"Do I LOOK like I got a wallet, here!? Come on, kid! Ya summoned me from the depths o' hell 'n stuff. I ain't GOT no money!" the demon turned back to the kid. "Listen, I'll cut ya a deal or something. No soul needed. Give us the food, and I'll…I dunno, you mortals always want the weirdest stuff. Send ya a succubus tomorrow or somethin'."
"Demons," Aqua growled.
"We have got to go! They're ABB!" I whispered frantically. "Bad news!"
"Sorry man. No money, no order. And I'm a good catholic girl. I ain't selling my soul to the devil." The kid took out a cross from her shirt, and held it up.
"Well, that ain't gonna do ya any good. Ya gotta be at least a priest and know SOME magic, or that cheap little thing is-"
"BEGON, FOUL DEMON!" Aqua roared, and charged forward, her fist suddenly glowing. "THIS IS THE FURY OF A GODDESS, A REQUIEM FOR AN EXILED DEITY, WHO PUTS HER SORROW AND FURY INTO A SINGLE PUNCH! GOD! BLOW!"
"Huh? OH SHI-" The demon turned just in time for Aqua to deck him square in the jaw. He let out an unearthly wail and screech, then suddenly turned to ash. In a blast of sulfur and brimstone smell, he vanished with a loud pop.
"MR. BIG CHICKEN!" Komekko wailed. "NOOOOO!"
"Hail Mary, full of Grace," the worker babbled, falling to her knees.
"Do not fear," Aqua said, going over to gently help the poor girl to her feet. "I, Aqua, Goddess of Water, am here to save you."
"I…I…OK…w-what should I do?" the girl stammered.
"Go, and spread my name, and the good news of the Axis Faith," Aqua said, and kissed the girl's head. "You can worship other gods too if you want, but always, you must hold I, Aqua, in your heart…" Aqua glanced down at the name tag of the gobsmacked girl. "...Cecily."
"I…I'll do that!" Cecily nodded eagerly, the paused. She blushed. "Um…how do you feel about…you know…girls liking girls?"
"All love is good in the light of Lady Aqua! Be you into yaoi, yuri, a siscon, or even a lolicon NEET like Kazuma, I, Aqua, still love you."
"I AM NOT A LOLICON!" I raged.
"I…I love you, Lady Aqua!" Cecily babbled. "I'll do just what you said!"
Then the employee took off, darting out the back.
"You…" Megumin growled, pointing a finger at Aqua. "YOU DENIED US MCDONALDS!
"You beat up Mr. Big Chicken!" Komekko snarled. "We hafta punish you!"
Arue raised a hand, placing a red eyepatch over her left eye. "We shall strike you down in the name of the Crimson Demon Clan!"
"Um, you seem n-nice…c-can we be friends?" Yunyun suggested.
"No, Yunyun! They're foes!" Megumin barked.
"Oh, um…s-sorry, then…" Yunyun said, and struck a fighting stance.
I glanced around, then smugly stepped forward. "Well, you may not know this yet, but I'm the newest member of the Wards. You four girls just go home. Be lucky Aqua and I don't take you out. I personally took down Lung earlier, so you're lucky that-"
"Wait, YOU took out Onii-chan!?" Komekko gasped.
"KILL HIM!" Megumin raged.
Yunyun gasped. "B-but Lung was our leader! H-how could you?! H-he said he'd b-be my friend…"
"Go home, little girls," Aqua said, making a shooing motion. "I'm a goddess, and I-"
Suddenly, all four of them pulled out various guns, wands, and other pieces of glowing tinkertech.
"Um, K-Kazuma, w-what are we supposed to do?" Aqua asked, taking a hesitant step back.
"Hmph. We are the Crimson Demon Clan, disciples of Bakuda, and I am Megumin, she who will one day master Explosion Tinkering!" Megumin cackled.
"Heh, it's OK, Aqua, I have a skill just for this," I chuckled. I held out my hand. "STEAL! STEAL! STEAL! STEEEEEEAAAAAL!"
All four girls froze. Megumin, Yunyun, and Arue's hands suddenly lowered to their nether regions.
Tears broke out in Komekko's eyes, and Aqua rounded on me in a fury.
I slowly opened my hands. Panties. One, two, three…oh no…four…
"MY HAIR ORNAMENT!" Komekko wailed, her hands shooting to her hair.
Oh, thank God. A star shaped hair pin was beneath the treasure.
"Megumin? Arue? I changed my mind," Yunyun said quietly. "I don't think I want to be his friend."
"Kazuma," Aqua said dangerously, cracking her knuckles. Ah. I supposed hers would be the blue striped ones.
I turned and ran, clutching the panties tight to my chest, and whooping loudly.
Sometimes, being a cape is just the best.
