When Harry gets down to the chamber of secrets through the hidden abandoned fountain he left open for the Marauders, the other three are already arguing over a small cauldron set on a turned off burner on the floor.

(Off to the side is what's left of the obstacle course they still haven't cleaned from a couple moons ago, and Moony was not up to play show dog so right now it's just mulch that no one cares enough to clean up.)

"-just unlucky," James is saying. "Not that big of a deal."

"It's an untested potion," Remus says seriously. "We know theoretically what it can do but we need to run tests first, you know that, Jamie."

"We did do testing," James complains. "It went fine."

"Yes, on conjured hamsters it was fine," Sirius chimes in. "For hour intervals it was all great. We haven't tested for whole days."

"We don't have days, and not for repetitive studies!" James insists. "Not if we're doing it for Walberga's birthday."

Sirius closes his eyes. "Jamie, I really do appreciate you trying so hard to ruin the old hag's birthday, but not at the cost of you wanting to drink a random, untested potion."

James says nothing.

Harry comes to a stop beside Remus. "You already drank it, didn't you?"

James looks away. "Well, I mean…it should be fine. It only makes me unlucky."

"How unlucky though?" Harry asks. "Felix Felicis is really strong, and you based it off the reverse, right? It could be your shoelaces untying or it could be you choking on food and dying."

"If it is that bad, I always have you to help me," James says, trying for cute. It unfortunately works.

Remus sighs. "The moment it turns life-threatening, we're ducking out of classes and doing nothing but sitting in the dorm."

"If I do die, we can give it to Walberga anyway," James jokes.

Sirius smirks at that.


Absolutely nothing happens, through the entire day.

Right up until the last class of charms where - honestly, it could just be normal bad luck. At first.

"Black, get your hand out of Potter's trousers," Flitwick says in amusement.

Sirius and James startle at being caught, pulling away from each other and some candy falls out of James' pocket as Sirius snatches his hand back. The rest of the class starts snickering, turning to look back at them. Remus, on James' other side, pretends he doesn't know these two.

"Sir, I'm sorry I'm irresistible," Sirius says earnestly.

"Sir, I'm sorry his absolutely massive-" James begins cheerfully.

"Thank you, settle down!" Flitwick cries over the burst of giggles but there's a smile on his face. "Potter, you've just volunteered to hand in your essay first."

James looks down at his parchment. He writes draft essays with his garbage handwriting and lots of scribbles with ink blots then writes a final version with perfect pureblood penmanship. James only just finished the draft and it's entirely illegible. "Good luck, sir - you'll need it."

James grabs his parchment and heads up to the front, where he then trips over his own feet and falls out of the open window.

"James!" Sirius yells, lurching out of his seat and wand snapping into his hand but James is already gone from line of sight.

Remus is lunging up onto the table and then leaping over another to stride across the front desk before he dives straight out of the window after James because he forgets he's not just teeth and claws, twisted bones under too-tight skin.

Under the window is a storey drop to a sharply slanted roof that James hits hard enough to knock the breath out of him and he flips onto his front, scrambling at the slippery, moss-covered tiles, trying to flatten himself out for more surface area as he slides rapidly feet-first towards the edge.

He scrapes his palms open, knees and then hips and chest knocking against the edge as he slides off the edge, narrowly avoiding clipping his chin on it. James' fingers catch, just for a brief moment before he loses his grasp.

But it slows James enough for Remus to grab his wrist in a painful hold, the rest of Remus' body swinging off the roof before they both jolt to a sudden stop, the edge jamming into Remus' armpit hard enough to make him grunt.

They dangle over a four storey drop onto a stone courtyard, some clay debris raining down around them since Remus' other hand punched straight through the roof tiles to grab a support beam as an anchor to stop their fall.

"Fuck me dead," James gasps, free hand scrambling at the stone wall in front of him but not finding any purchase. "Aren't you too far from a full to be doing this kind of thing?"

"Why are you making me do it then?" Remus snarls, grip tightening until the roof beam splinters and something in James' wrist gives.

James' mouth opens but all he can do is suck in a breath.

Remus' expression blanks and grip spasms, relaxing to try and not hurt him anymore but then tightening again because they're still dangling. "James. Jamie, fuck, I'm so sorry."

They're both flicked up into the air by Sirius who's half hanging out of the window, and the entire roof below them flattens out as a just in case thanks to Flitwick. Lily stretches the window out wider and shoves the other students back to make room but they still cluster.

Remus gently but swiftly reels James into a hug as they float towards the window, careful of the way James curls over his injured wrist. "Sorry, sorry Jamie. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," James grits out. "Gah, fuck, it's broken. It's definitely broken."

Remus shifts to wrap one arm around James' back and the other under his knees to pull James into his chest so the boy doesn't bump against anything as Sirius guides them through the window and settles them on the ground.

"This is why you don't fucking drink random potions," Sirius hisses, barely having the patience to elbow the crowd of students out of the way instead of cursing them as he drops to a knee beside the two.

"What potion did you drink?" Lily complains, standing over them even as she then seals the window shut into a brick wall. "No, don't tell me, I'll be more upset if I know."

"Move aside, move aside!" Flitwick calls, retreating from the window he was looking out of and pushing past students' knees to see better. "This isn't a show, get back to your seats. Boys, did you hurt yourselves?"

"I broke his wrist," Remus admits, now cradling James in his lap.

"You were too enthusiastic," James laughs wobbly.

"To the hospital wing with you both," Flitwick decides, adding an immobilisation charm to James' wrist and a quick numbing spell too. "I just assume you're going with them, Black. Leave your essays on the desk, I'll grab them later." He pauses. "Nice catch, Lupin."

Remus just gets up while carrying James because fuck if he's letting James stand near a bloody window for the rest of his Merlin forsaken life. Sirius flicks his wand a few times to pack their stuff and shoulders all three bags, following beside Remus with a hand on James' leg.

"It's my wrist that's hurt, not my ankle," James complains.

"No, it's your brain, you fucking moron," Sirius snaps. "Shit, I can't believe I let you out of my bed this morning."

That last line finally sets off a few of the braver students into giggling and Sirius memorises their faces because Blacks don't forget and they sure as hell don't forgive.

"It's okay," James tries after they get out into the hallway, holding out his good hand for Sirius.

"I just watched my entire life go out of a fucking window, twice. It is not okay." Sirius takes James' hand anyway and locks their fingers together despite how awkward it makes walking.

The potion seems to kick in fully after that and it's only small things like waiting for the moving stairs for longer than normal, encountering Filch, a tapestry falls down nearby and James has a sneezing fit from all the dust.

It's safe to say that the tripping earlier was part of the potion, but it was just normal bad luck that James was near the window when it happened. The potion isn't nearly potent enough to cause a life-threatening event.

Of course, maybe it used up all it's bad luck in that one window situation and that's why all this other bad luck is so small. That's why you have multiple, rigorous tests.

They don't dare say a word to Harry but Lily tattles on them anyway and they'll have to spend the next week trying to calm Harry down while he shadows James from class to class.

Currently, Sirius and Remus sit on another bed as James jokes with Pomfrey and Harry as he gets his wrist fixed.

"I'm going to tell him," Sirius says quietly.

Remus says nothing.

"What?" Sirius scoffs. "No argument?"

Remus watches James laugh carelessly even as the boy's other hand grips the bedsheet so tight his knuckles are white. "I think you should tell him," Remus admits.


They end up toning down the potion a bit more for the final recipe and disguise it as super fancy and expensive drugged chocolates for the human trial. Walberga has an incredibly mildly inconvenient day.