The four of them arrive late to dinner and sit at the very end of the table close to the doors. James is nibbling on fruit because he's not too hungry. Remus and Harry are sitting opposite with Sirius beside James and all of them are too concentrated on eating right now to keep a conversation going.

James plucks another grape and pops it into his mouth as he looks around. He kicks Sirius under the table. "Think I can get one into McGonagall's cup?" James plucks another grape.

"Bet?" Sirius asks.

"Suck my dick," James crows and launches the grape.

He's sitting down and basically has his back to the rest of the hall so he's really not expecting the grape to fly across, over heads and under floating candles, just about to land in McGonagall's plate until McGonagall picks up her goblet to take a drink AND JAMES LANDS IT!

The Great Hall stutters to a hush because James is just screaming hysterically at the top of his lungs and Sirius leaps to his feet with his arms flying up into the air.

"That was the greatest thing I've ever seen!" Sirius yells.

James wheezes, hunching forward over the table. "I'm so bloody brilliant I even scare myself."

"My beautiful champion!" Sirius crows, grabbing James by the shoulders and shaking him. "My sweet summer prince!"

"I've peaked," James sobs, flopping back and forth with the shaking. "This is it, it's all downhill from here. Just kill me so I don't live the rest of my life in fucking disappointment."

"Why is there a grape in my goblet?" McGonagall asks in confusion and the hall is quiet enough that a majority of the confused students slowly start to understand.

"I saw it!" cries a little first year Ravenclaw. "I saw the whole thing, it flew right in!"

Cheering bursts out from the Gryffindors as a few upper years jokingly give James a standing ovation for the shot.

Sirius falls back down into his seat and crushes James to his chest but it's an awkward pull and they end up almost headbutting each other. The massive spike of elation still swelling up in both of them is enough to cause Sirius to tilt his head just a bit more and they're kissing - and James is kissing back because he feels good and he wants to feel even better and holy fuck did you see that shot?!

"Huh," Harry says as James and Sirius start snogging in front of him.

Remus covers Harry's eyes so he doesn't have to see when the two really start getting into it, James clutching at Sirius' hair and Sirius with one hand around James' waist and the other hooked under his knee to try and drag James up and onto his lap.

Remus looks between the two because...are they going to stop? Is James going to pretend it was a joke or is he really into this? Remus just...doesn't want to get his hopes up.

No one else cares about the kissing, half the school thinks those two are already in a relationship. Instead, they settle back down with some teacher intervention and continue eating.

Sirius and James separate with a slow, lingering kiss, breathing a little heavily. James's glasses are crooked and he's half on Sirius' lap. He blinks at Sirius who only stares back, they're arms still resting around each other.

"Was that weird?" James asks idly, falling back into his seat.

"No," Sirius says immediately. "Right, Remus?"

"Not weird at all," Remus agrees.

Harry shoves Remus' hand down. "Please don't gaslight him into thinking this is okay between friends. James, they want to date you."

"I don't understand the joke," James admits.

"Never mind," Remus says, wilting a little bit. "Sirius needs to work on the punchline."

"They like like you," Harry insists. "This is not a joke, they are so gone on you. Either be boyfriends or reject them."

"No!" Remus cries, patting Harry on the shoulder. "No, sorry Harry, it was just a joke, I can see why you'd be confused."

"But we're soulmates?" James says in confusion, turning to Sirius.

"Most soulmates are romantic," Sirius muses, a hollow smile on his face. "So aren't you contradicting yourself?"

"No, but we're the kind of soulmates that were split in half at birth instead of being a perfect match, you know? So if you're an extension of me, then isn't this just jerking myself off?"

Sirius cracks up laughing which sets off James.

Remus lets out a steadying breath, thankful this is back on familiar ground. Crisis averted.

"Are soulmates a thing?" Harry asks Remus.

"Not at all," Remus admits. "But these two get pretty damn close."

"You'll be my everything until the day I die," Sirius whispers, still a bit breathless from the laughter and the fear. "Why wouldn't I want to do this with you too? Why would I ever hold myself back from loving you in every way there is?"

"Bro, that's so romantic," James gushes.

"I'm being so fucking genuine right now, please don't shrug me off or I'll ugly cry all over you."

James pauses, hesitates. "Really?"

"I'm so really," Sirius wheezes, falling forward and knocking their foreheads together. "Really enough it hurts."

James hugs Sirius close. "What...I mean since when?"

Sirius just laughs.

James turns to Remus.

Remus waves awkwardly.

James blinks a few times. "Wait, legit? Both?"

"Any arguments?" Sirius asks.

"None that I can think of?" James admits, shocked. "I feel like I should have one, but...nothing is coming to mind?" James leans back, trying to think.

"We good to go then?" Sirius insists, still clinging to James' jumper.

"Yes? Yeah, sure." James shrugs. "Damn, I actually can't think of a reason we shouldn't, that's - fuck, alright. Well, apparently it was bound to happen sometime."

"You really just roll with the punches, don't you?" Harry muses.

"Excuse me," Remus says and slides under the table so he can get himself together.

It kind of defeats the purpose when James and Sirius join him under the table and all three cuddle while Remus hyperventilates a little bit.


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A/N: They're so dumb.