Lloyd stole back into the camp just before first light. Zelos would have missed him were it not for the garish red.
"Where've you been?"
"Walking. Couldn't sleep."
"That's rare. What for? You usually train if you get up this early."
"Do I have to answer to you?"
Whoa. Zelos did not know if he could handle Lloyd in such a peculiar mood. "It was dark as, but I'm pretty sure Colette's eyes were puffy when she woke me for dawn watch."
He looked away.
"Not sure I wanna know what you said, but you made Miss Angel cry, Bud." Before today, he wouldn't have thought it possible. Lloyd looked away. "I didn't know you could be like that."
"Neither did I."
"You gonna say sorry?"
"She said she can't trust herself, Zelos. What am I supposed to do?"
"You coming to me for advice in the Trust Department?"
He frowned at Zelos. "I trust you."
"Should you?"
Lloyd's thoughts weren't going along with the direction Zelos was trying to steer them towards. All right. He could deal with a challenge, although it was weird running into a rut with Lloyd of all people. Yet… something told him there was more to their quarrel than that.
"Why not?" Lloyd glared at his enigmatic smirk.
The Chosen laughed. "Okay, fine. If you want to, I can't stop you. You can trust me. How about you just trust her?"
"Isn't that what I've been doing this whole time?" Lloyd scratched his arm, all wound up. "I waited as she led herself to death. I trusted that she would tell us about a sickness we never knew about. I thought she would share her burdens. I thought I was sharing them."
Lloyd's hands fell to his sides, still. "But I'm not. I never was."
"Have you? Accepted that she can't open up just yet?" Zelos gazed at him with half-lidded eyes. "Can't shed the sense of responsibility she has because Yggdrasill's hunting you all for her? Can you support her even if she's not ready to support you back? Even if she may never be ready?"
Lloyd fell silent.
"I know you've been doing that. So just keep doing it," Zelos finished.
They were quiet for a few moments.
"After all this time," murmured Lloyd, "I thought she understood."
"Yeah, well, some people don't catch on. Keep reminding 'em and they're still clueless!" He rolled his eyes, mind meandering back to all those airheaded nobles in Tethe'alla's court. "Patience is a virtue! Wait, you're bad at that."
"Shut up." Lloyd narrowed his eyes, but his lips quirked up a little.
"There you go."
"Whatever."
"I'm hurt."
"And?"
"Oof!"
Sheena moaned from her pile of textiles. "Poin' of sentinel to let everyone else sleep," she slurred.
"Oops," mouthed Lloyd. A light snore sounded from her direction a second later.
"Are you going back to sleep?" Zelos probed. "You can still get in about an hour before breakfast."
Lloyd hesitated. He played with the sleeve at his wrist. "I can't."
"Can't? You can try; we've got a hard day of travelling ahead—"
"I can't, Zelos." Lloyd's gaze was focused, with no trace of fatigue bruising the thin skin beneath the eyes. His right palm drifted to cover his Cruxis Crystal. Blue winked between his fingers.
Ah.
First Colette, now Lloyd. When was it his turn?
"You can keep an eye out for me, then," Zelos said, turning.
"Not happening."
Whatever he said, a bored Lloyd made for one who would jump at the chance to break the monotony of the day. With his minty sharp senses, taking stock of their surroundings was an easy feat for once in his life. Zelos could have just gone to bed and they would have slept all the more safely.
He wondered when Pronyma or Yggdrasill was going to make their move. Or if Yuan wanted to swoop in before Yggdrasill ordered Lloyd and Colette's retrieval. Or if Zelos would grab the aionis like Kratos had asked him to. The more pertinent question, however, was who stood the best chance of coming out on top?
Whom did he want at the top?
And thus, time trickled by.
Regal sat upright at the first sign of light. Like a cat, he got up to stretch and rolled out his bulging muscles methodically. Zelos pretended not to notice the odd look he threw Lloyd, although he could understand why. Lloyd had never gotten up before Regal.
When pink and amber glowed along the horizon, Lloyd got up to run through his sword forms. Zelos debated whether to join or not… Naw. He stretched himself out on the grass, watching the sky change.
Streaks of yellow light were dipping cotton clouds in mauve when Genis began to stir. He yawned, blinking the sleep away. Then he blinked. "Lloyd's awake."
"You sound like that's a surprise. I mean, it's my bud. But he's always been like this?" Zelos had only ever seen him sleep in twice: once after those three days straight carving the wish tag for Colette's safety (and even then he jumped awake at the mention of rescuing her from Rodyle), and once after running for some thirty hours on the fumes of pure Kratos spite. For how chatty and jovial Lloyd generally was, this apple didn't fall far from the tree.
"Kratos used to drag him out of bed to train. He's in the habit now… but he's never worked up a sweat like this by the time the rest of us got up." Suspicion lodged in his eyes.
Zelos just shrugged. "He's been up for about thirty minutes." Longer, but he wasn't going to spill. That was for his bud to do.
"Well, he'll be famished soon. If he isn't already." Genis began to rekindle the fire.
Sheena was up next; an early rise had been drilled into her from youth. Zelos could not recall the number of times she had acted as his personal alarm which could not be slapped silent. Lovely.
His eyes followed her as she did her customary exercises. She noticed after some ten seconds, growled at him, and clomped off, depriving him of her assets.
By then, the coffee was brewing. Genis was burrowing through his pack, withdrawing out the last eighth of a truckle of cheese to lay over their rye bread. A small slab of cured meat joined the spread.
"Hey, hey, this is a feast, isn't it?" Zelos said. "I know I'm the Chosen and all, but you don't have to go this far to celebrate my beautiful self. This stuff is a real commodity in Sylvarant, I know."
"It's for Lloyd, you doofus," retorted Genis. "You can have the bread by itself."
"I'm hurt. I really am."
"Sure you are."
Zelos clutched at his sternum with a groan. Everyone had it out for him!
It was at that moment the cool beauty woke, enticed by the scent of roasted coffee beans. "Is it ready?"
Genis sighed. "Is there a single person who doesn't like coffee around here?"
"Colette doesn't," advised Sheena, who had returned quietly from washing up.
Out of the corner of Zelos' eye, Lloyd baulked.
"More for me, then," Zelos said. Lloyd sheathed his swords and began to walk back to them.
Presea and the cool beauty awoke within breaths of each other when the sun peeked above the trees, throwing its pale beams across their faces.
"Did you two sleep well?" asked Sheena, smiling at them. Raine inclined her head in confirmation gracefully, hiding her yawn behind a hand.
"I am well-rested," Presea said.
The group gathered around the campfire, passing hot mugs and toasted ham-and-cheese sandwiches to each other.
"Hey, this has tomato in it!"
"That's not for you; that's for Presea!"
"Oh, okay."
"Ah, the one without tomatoes was for Lloyd? My apologies."
"Professor!"
Then Colette was there, looking at Lloyd, and he at her. After a moment, she smiled (a fake smile; it was just like the ones he gave) and went to sit between Zelos and Regal.
If people noticed, no one wanted to call attention to it. Not to Lloyd's crushed expression, which he tried desperately to tuck away. But he was always bad at concealing his emotions.
After the crumbs had been swept from their clothes, the coffee downed, and the fire put out, Lloyd stood up.
"Guys, I got something to say."
Heads swivelled over to him. It was funny how they would always listen to him. He didn't have the type of charisma that Zelos did, attracting all the hot girls in sight, nor the calm tone hiding insanity with which Yggdrasill would sway half-elves to his side. When all was said and done, Lloyd was an idealist. He spouted the craziest things—pigs would fly before all humans and half-elves got along—and yet people believed him, trusted him, helped him, and their party had gotten that far because of that.
Zelos didn't quite understand it.
Lloyd shuffled his feet, fidgeted with his hands, and gave up on trying to segue smoothly. "I didn't sleep," he confessed. "Last night. At all. And I feel fine."
A couple of faces stared at him in horror, and others in resignation.
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I can—"
"Why don't you take my key crest?" Colette volunteered.
"Wh—" He spluttered. "No way!"
She pouted. She actually pouted. "Why not? It has to work! And if you don't have a key crest of your own, it's going to keep getting worse."
"I'm not taking your rune crest, Colette! You need it!"
"It's okay, we can just swap whenever, right?"
"No!"
"Stop."
Raine's voice silenced them immediately.
She sighed. "Colette, thank you for your suggestion. However, we will not have a repeat episode of the Chronic Angelus Crystallus Inofficium. It may well present with a faster and more aggressive progression, as far as we know. As your healer, I will not allow the risk. We will simply do our best to procure a key crest for Lloyd in a timely manner. Lloyd, I'm sorry."
He shook his head. "Don't be. I wouldn't have it any other way."
Colette looked down, saying nothing.
Lloyd gritted his teeth, took a deep breath, and continued. "Anyway, so I can take over keeping watch? If everyone's fully rested we can move faster and stuff."
"We'll keep watch with you."
Lloyd stared at Colette. "Wh— But I can—"
"Whether you can or cannot is not part of the equation, Lloyd," Raine cut in.
"Besides! Two pairs of eyes are better than one!" chimed in Genis, his eyes shimmering yet determined. Presea nodded with him.
Lloyd glanced around in confusion before slumping. "Guess I can't convince you guys."
"Nope!" Zelos exclaimed with a pop of the 'p'. He grinned. As expected.
"We know you would do the same for us, Lloyd," Regal assured him. Lloyd grinned, unable to argue.
"If that's the way it's gonna be. So, what's the plan?" he asked, plonking himself onto the yellow-green grass with a tiny crunch. "We were a bit distracted yesterday."
"We were on our way to Dirk in order to forge you a new key crest," the Professor answered.
"Huh? Why? Where's my old one?"
Everyone's expression soured.
"Wait," said Zelos. "You didn't think about this before?"
"Well… I was a bit distracted?"
Zelos snorted.
"We think Yggdrasill has it," Sheena informed him.
"Ah." Lloyd shifted his legs underneath him to avoid getting pins-and-needles. His eyes wandered to the bare crystal. "Guess it'd be hard to get it off him."
"Ninety-five per cent probability of failure."
"That's comforting. Thanks, Presea."
"Duly noted."
"Do you think a key crest will be enough to fix this, though? I mean…" Lloyd gave Colette a fleeting look, pink settling on his cheeks. Whether it was embarrassment from their heated dispute last night or just now, or from young love, Zelos wasn't sure.
Miss Angel looked down, suddenly interested in her lap.
"A key crest has been quite sufficient for you thus far," said Raine. "I believe that Colette only required a rune crest due to her Chronic Angelus Crystallus Inofficium. We have no reason to imagine that you would also fall prey to it, given that the only other victim was Martel herself."
"But everyone kept saying that an ordinary key crest was not supposed to bring Colette back," Sheena objected. Zelos saw that Lloyd's eyes were starting to glaze over, lost in the discussion.
"We know that Lloyd's Cruxis Crystal is a product of the Angelus Project," mused Regal. "Perhaps, since it was cultivated from a human, a key crest is adequate in suppressing it."
"Basically, we try out the key crest, and if it doesn't work, we think about runey things, 'kay?" Zelos summarised.
Genis bobbed his head. "The sooner we can get Lloyd a cure, the better."
"A cure?" Lloyd mumbled. "I'm not sick…"
"With a Cruxis Crystal sucking away at you, I'd say you are," Sheena pointed out.
"That's not a cool picture," complained Zelos. "What about after that?"
His bud's shoulders squared. His expression tightened as he stared round the circle of mismatched misfits. "We take down Cruxis."
Zelos whistled. "Well, so you're finally ready to do it! We're gonna raid 'em!"
"Yeah." Lloyd nodded. "We still don't know how to fix Sylvarant and Tethe'alla to germinate the Great Seed safely. But—"
"As a matter of fact, we do," interjected the Professor. "The Eternal Sword. It split the world into two; presumably, it holds the ability to reunite them."
Lloyd's eyes were wide. "Then… that's the key? Like the Storyteller guy said?"
"It seems so. But such an important artefact will be under Cruxis' careful guard."
He nodded. "That's fine. Because I'm tired of running from them and being on the back foot all the time. Let's start with the one responsible for it all."
"Yggdrasill," said Presea.
Genis met Lloyd's gaze. "I'm in." The others nodded their agreement.
"Then let's go!" Lloyd leapt to his feet.
The others followed, smiling. "Feels good to have him say that again. Didn't think I'd miss it!" Genis said. They packed up the rest of the camp and drew out their wingpacks.
"Yeah," agreed Colette, voice soft.
Genis regarded her with concern. "Is something wrong?"
She waved her hands frantically, eyes widening. "Oh, no!"
Ahead of them, Lloyd's back tensed. He didn't want Colette tip-toeing around him like this. He needed to talk to her. And soon.
The sight of smoke wafting into the sky smuggled homesickness into his soul.
The trees rustled in the breeze, sunlight dappling the forest floor on either side of the path of packed dirt. A beast barked and a quadruped began to lope towards their group.
"Noishe!" he cried, picking up his pace. He had missed the cowardly mutt more than he thought he would.
Dog and boy collided, wrestling each other to the ground enthusiastically. Noishe did his best to cover his charge with slobber and Lloyd laughed all the while. Arms stretched around the huge animal's neck, he scratched behind the ears, white and green fur soft against his skin.
"Like two birds of a feather," Genis commented with a grin.
"I think Noishe was worried about Lloyd!" Colette clasped her hands together, taking a hesitant step towards the two. Lloyd noticed her antsy behaviour and waved her forward.
"C'mon! I know you're just hankering to pet him!"
Colette needed no further encouragement. She darted towards Noishe, burying her hands and face into furry heaven. With the addition of a gentler person, the dog calmed down, not wanting to hurt her; still, he continued his war with Lloyd.
The rest of the party was happy to watch them for a couple of minutes, but it was Zelos who broke first.
"Aw, hunnies, this reunion is so heartfelt and all, but maybe let's finish up at my bud's house? My feet are starting to hurt!" he whined.
Sheena cuffed him over the head. "Stupid Chosen, let them hug Noishe however much they want!"
"No way!"
Lloyd managed to finally shove Noishe off his chest and sit up. "Yeah, okay. We're almost at my house, anyway."
Dirk was waiting outside the house, likely beckoned by the sound of Noishe's roughhousing. His son lit up.
"Dad!" he called, again rushing forward.
"Aye, it's good t' see ye, lad," the dwarf said, beaming. "Ah see Noishe gave ye the welcome home."
Lloyd laughed. "Yep!"
He folded his arms. "So, what d'ye need this time?"
Lloyd blinked. "How…"
"Did Ah know? Think Ah know my son's mannerisms well enough by now." He gave his son a fondly exasperated look and gestured to everyone. "Here, come inside. Guess Ah'll be havin' to make more servings of my pot-luck surprise." Lloyd's grin grew even bigger at the thought of the dwarven special.
"Pot-luck surprise…?" murmured Regal as they entered the building.
In lieu of following, Lloyd went off to his usual place. He needed some time there and he knew his friends would explain the situation better than he could.
He sat cross-legged before the gravestone, white and red blooms at its base. Eyes traced the inscription.
Anna.
His mother had saved him. The memory of his time inside the crystal was blurry and he couldn't really imagine the timbre of her voice anymore, but his heart knew, as certainly as he was Lloyd Irving, that it was she who had come to him. It was she who had sent him off with a smile.
"Thank you," he said. "For everything. I don't know how to do what you asked me to, though."
She had wished for Lloyd to go to his father. Now, he was with his dad. But the request came from her… surely she meant his biological father?
Did that mean he was still alive? Where was he? Why would he need Lloyd?
If he needed Lloyd, why had he been left with Dirk? Not that he resented Dirk—far from it. Dirk was his dad and he didn't need any other.
That didn't mean Lloyd didn't want another.
He remembered sitting outside with Noishe till late, waiting for his daddy to come back from wherever he was. Lloyd had waited for years—he waited for longer than he had even known his parents. Daddy had been… Daddy was somewhere and would come for him. But he never did.
"Lloyd?"
His eyes came back into focus to see Presea in front of him. Her blue eyes met his.
"P-Presea," he stammered, stunned that he hadn't heard her coming. "Sorry, I didn't notice you."
She shook her head. "No, that's all right. You were busy." Presea turned to face the headstone.
"This is your mother?" she invited.
Still embarrassed, Lloyd was slow to respond. "Y-Yeah."
"Anna," Presea read. "A good name."
"Heh, thanks." He smiled. "Oh, did they want me back inside?"
"No; they've explained everything. Your father started on the new key crest as soon as Raine said yours was taken. He is not very happy about it."
Lloyd chuckled. "Figures."
"He's not happy because he is worried, Lloyd," she reproached him, her tone somewhat disapproving.
"Yeah, I know." His smile remained in place.
A couple of minutes passed in silence. Lloyd mulled over his parents in his mind, trying to dig up vague recollections of them.
"Can I ask you something?" Presea asked suddenly.
He turned his head slightly to see her eyes, intent on his mother's grave marker. "Sure. Shoot."
"How did you feel when you found out what your father did?"
Lloyd swallowed through the sudden lump in his throat. He hesitated, trying to form the words to express himself. "I… To be honest, I couldn't believe it when Kvar told me. Why would my father kill her? I've spent my whole life—my mother was killed by Desians. My dad wouldn't—he wouldn't. I couldn't believe that he didn't love her. And as if I would believe anything a Desian would say!
"And then it turns out I was right," he went on, a hand tightening around his thigh. "What happened to her was the same thing that happened to Marble and Alicia and so many other victims of the human ranches. I know what it's like to live with the guilt of an innocent person's death. So I can't blame my dad. I'm the same as him. If I blame him, I have to blame myself, and everyone else who's made that decision. That's too much, isn't it?"
After Lloyd finished, he exhaled deeply with the weight of his sin. He would spend his entire life with it. Even if he was never forgiven, he would do his best to make sure no one else went through what he, his father, and Regal had.
He didn't know if he had forgiven his dad. But he didn't condemn him. Was that what forgiveness was?
"You are strong, Lloyd," Presea said. She gave a slight smile. "I'm still angry at Regal, and Altessa, and Vharley. I don't have anyone left because of them." She stared at her hands. "I do not have the strength to let it go yet, even though I know…"
"That's not true, you know."
She looked at him, already knowing what he meant—Lloyd's particular brand of comfort. "Yes, I understand. Although I do not know where I may end up after this, my future is here."
He grinned. "As long as you get it!"
Presea kept her little smile. "Thank you, Lloyd."
"Any time."
Lloyd stood, brushing the dirt and gravel off his clothes and hands. Together, they went to join the others.
His house was a very spacious one for two people, but ten made it extremely cosy and borderline crowded. So a few people wandered outside: the Professor sat beneath a flowering jacaranda, immersed in a book; Genis was beside her, eyes closed and head leaning on her shoulder, hair half-covered with lilac-hued petals; Colette stood at Noishe's stall, feeding him so absent-mindedly the dog would have bitten her fingers off if he had been marginally less altruistic.
He winced, knowing what that was about. But he went inside to be greeted with the familiar clink of metal and roar of the furnace in the back. A large pot bubbled on the stove; Lloyd could scent the dwarven classic in the air. Sheena and Regal bustled about the dining table, snatching conversation as they set bowls and cutlery for lunch. The banging stopped and the door to the smithy opened.
"Dad!" Lloyd beamed. He went to hug the dwarf, heedless of the grimy hands that came up to squeeze the life out of him.
"I see ye can never keep yerself out of trouble," he declared with a touch of aggravation.
Lloyd blushed.
"Ah, never ye mind." Dirk shook his head, giving a full-bodied chuckle. "Food's almost ready—go an' call yer friends."
He bounced outside and away, an eager shout on the tip of his tongue. Then he stopped in his tracks.
"Mithos!"
Sure enough, the blond half-elf was slowly dragging himself along the path towards his home. Genis jolted awake at the yell, shot to his feet, and ran to Mithos. Lloyd made to rush to the boys but something gave him pause.
Why?
"Are you okay?!" Genis fussed, taking his arm. "You're hurt! Sis, please heal him! What happened? Was it Cruxis?"
Mithos coughed dryly. His shoulders relaxed as the Professor wove her healing magic over them. Lloyd ran over, having finally managed to get his feet to move.
"Kratos… He…"
A/N: Hit me up with your constructive criticism.
