Lessons
Kairi's eyelids drooped, the text before her swimming, threatening to turn into complete gibberish. She blinked and took a deep breath. She had to stop herself from turning that breath into an outright yawn. She forced the text back into focus and scribbled a note into an empty piece of paper she had.
It had been a rather long day for her. One of several. She had been woken right at the break of dawn and sent to run a hike of several kilometers around the castle grounds before breakfast. And as had been the case more and more, the route was littered with a variety of obstacles she had to use her abilities to bypass. After breakfast there had been lessons on magical theory, which doubled as a break. Then it was keyblade training, followed by more running. Now she was studying again, this time on more general lessons about wielders and what they were meant to be. She would be done with her day soon enough, though a few more hours of study were expected before she would be allowed to stop.
The other days had been more or less the same, though Aqua varied the placement of the lessons each day. Sometimes the day began with study, other times they skipped straight to keyblade training. Special lessons were sprinkled amongst these daily tasks. And rarely was she told what the next day would bring. "A Keyblade Master should be prepared for changing circumstances. To adapt, whatever the circumstances. And to tolerate the uncertainty of not knowing what will happen in the near future." Had been Aqua's explanation. She was allowed two twenty minute breaks each day, and half an hour meal break around the middle of the day. The rest of the time, from dawn till dusk she was expected to spend productively. It was strange to have one's days so tightly regimented yet so unpredictable. Certainly a different pace from her time on the islands. And without a doubt this was a remarkably intense training regime. At least Aqua had been upfront about that.
This training was certainly pushing her to her limits, perhaps a bit more so that she liked. But she was determined to rise up to the challenge. She needed to become stronger. She was sick of being the weak one that was always left behind when others risked themselves. Sick of being the one who botched things up and needed rescue every time she tried to return the favor and help others. Now Sora was missing because he had had to come after her. Because she had lacked the strength to keep herself from being taken. And now Riku had gone to look for him, and she had not been able to follow him. Because she would have just been an extra burden on a mission that was already going to be difficult. She was sick of being a burden to those she loved, even if they could accept her as she was.
But that was all going to stop now. With Aqua's help she would train herself to be just as able as Sora and Riku were. She would be able to stand alongside them as their equal. Then no more of being made to stay behind. No more of causing a mess that others would then have to fix.
She was already starting to see some benefits from her training. She felt a bit less tired at the end of each exercising session. When she was practicing using the keyblade with Aqua, she was able to hold her own better, making less mistakes. Every day she learned more of the ways of Keyblade Wielders.
She was also being taught new, more powerful forms of magic and ways to alter the form of her keyblade. Most prominent among these new forms would be a glider that coupled with keyblade armor would allow her to travel between worlds. So far she had not succeeded in summoning hers, but she intended to keep trying.
Kairi also had a few ideas of her own about ways to use magic, and Aqua encouraged experimentation and different ways of thinking. According to Aqua no two wielders were exactly alike, and a big part of becoming a Keyblade Master was in discovering the ways one's heart wished to develop and following them to their natural conclusion. Discipline and hard work could lay the foundations to reaching one's true potential, but the nature of that potential depended on the heart's innate qualities.
Lessons relating to combat and magic were what she enjoyed most. Because that was what she was going to need when it next came time to stand alongside Sora and Riku. Physical exercise she could put up with for that very same reason. But Aqua had stressed that all of what she was being taught was important, so she did her best to give attention to this theoretical stuff as well.
She scribbled another entry into her notes, then looked up as she heard the library door open and close. Moments later Aqua appeared around the corner of one of the shelves. Kairi immediately stood up and bowed. Her new master had made it clear she did not really require formalities. But nevertheless Kairi felt Aqua was deserving of such respect. Especially since Kairi was her first student, and would undoubtedly be the bar against which all others that might follow would be measured. Fortunately Aqua did not seem to mind either. If anything she seemed a little amused at Kairi's persistent formality.
"Kairi. How are your studies going?" Aqua asked.
"Well enough I think. I have been hard at work at least." Kairi replied, showing her notes.
"Very good. Then perhaps you will be able to answer a question of mine." Aqua said.
"A question?" Kairi repeated.
Aqua nodded. "What would you say is the difference between a Keyblade Master and an ordinary Keyblade wielder?"
Kairi considered the question. "A Keyblade Master is more experienced, more skilled in combat, more powerful in their magic. They can be entrusted with the most demanding tasks." She finally replied.
"…And?" Aqua asked, clearly expecting more.
Kairi thought back, trying to remember what the book she had been reading through had told of the subject.
"A Keyblade Master is also someone thought to be knowledgeable and experienced enough to mentor others, to raise new Keyblade wielders and Masters. Like you are doing with me." She then offered as her second answer.
Aqua smiled, but shook her head. "Not quite."
"The points you've raised are true enough. But there is also more to being a Keyblade Master." She told her.
"Ultimately being a Keyblade Master is about understanding. Understanding the worlds. The nature of hearts. Of light and darkness. And ourselves. Ourselves most of all. Perhaps not a total understanding, given something like that could be hard to obtain for anyone. But nevertheless a Keyblade Master is meant to hold a deeper comprehension on all these subjects." She explained.
"Do you know why this understanding is important?" She asked then.
Kairi shook her head. She honestly did not.
"Because it is our duty as keyblade wielders to stand against the darkness. But darkness is not a simple thing. You see the Heartless, the Unversed, even the Nobodies. You might be tempted to think you are faced with an enemy army that you are tasked to battle and defeat. And again none of this is actually incorrect. These entities are a threat, and one we must deal with whenever we encounter them. But at the end of the day they are just one aspect of a much more sinister foe. Because the Heartless and the Nobodies that we face are what's left of people who failed to learn the lessons we wielders must master." Aqua instructed.
"You see, darkness is half of everything. Part of all there is. In every heart save seven darkness does lurk." She continued.
"Eight. Remember Ventus. The darkness he has is not his own." Kairi corrected.
Aqua paused. "Eight." She then conceded. "But for everyone else there exists a risk beyond the enemies we face in battle. One that feeds on and arises from the negative emotions we face throughout our lives. The darkness within us will seek to corrode us, twist us into a mockery of ourselves. Lead us to destroy the very things we try to protect."
Aqua paused, closing her eyes, taking a deep breath. Kairi tilted her head in puzzlement. Did Aqua just… shudder?
Whatever was bothering Aqua, it did not seem to last long. "Since you are a Princess of Heart, I'm not entirely certain you could be affected in the same way. Someone like you can certainly feel negative emotions in the same way as the rest of us. But those emotions might not manifest as darkness. But even so you should always be mindful of this aspect of the darkness. Because at the very least it can affect those around you. And even if there is no darkness in your heart now we can't be absolutely sure there would not be a way for darkness to enter from the outside."
"Like has happened with Ven…" Kairi said, some concern in her voice.
"Yes. Exactly." Aqua confirmed. "I don't tell you this to frighten you. I tell you this because the assumption of immunity… is a dangerous one. That's how people end up falling into darkness. Thinking that the darkness has no way to get to them, they end up taking risk after risk. And eventually they overreach. Then they'll realize they've taken on a fight they can neither win nor run from. After that, one way or another… they'll pay the price for it."
"So one should not take risks? Not ever?" Kairi asked, sounding dubious.
Aqua shook her head. "Sometimes in life you have to. But if you do, then it should be because there is something more important. Not because of some youthful notion of your own immortality. When you make weighty decisions you should not simply assume there are no consequences. Be mindful of them instead, then choose to act anyway if that is what you decide. When you act, know the price, and be ready to pay it. And be sure you're being honest with yourself when you declare it be so. Because you may have to live with those consequences for the rest of your days. And sometimes you won't appreciate the true cost until you've already paid it."
"Sometimes in life thigs happen so fast you don't have time to think, so you just act in what way seems best in that instant." Aqua allowed. "But if you are permitted time to consider, you should allow yourself to."
"So… what you caution against… is being reckless?" Kairi said.
Aqua nodded. "Be brave and take pride in what strength and skill you do possess. Let these things give you the confidence to stand and fight. But never be so proud as to think yourself invincible. That is a fatal flaw in any warrior."
Kairi nodded gravely, understanding that this was a very important lesson. She could hear it in Aqua's voice. The weight she put behind her words… she clearly thought it imperative to pass on this knowledge. There was almost something… odd in how much emphasis she was putting into this.
"Fighting heartless is straightforward enough. But how does one oppose the darkness within hearts?" Kairi asked.
"A very good question. When it comes to the darkness within ourselves, it is about willpower. One must be aware of the darkness within them and must keep it contained. Our light must be kept strong, to keep the darkness at bay. And not just our light, but also that of our friends. Since hearts are connected, the light of our friends can be what will save us when our own light would falter." Aqua replied.
Kairi smiled, and nodded. But that smile disappeared when she noticed a very curious expression cross Aqua's face. It was there for only a brief moment, but this time Kairi was sure she had not imagined it.
"Is everything alright?" She asked.
Aqua flinched, having not expected the question. "Of course it is. Why would it not be?" She said quickly, trying to make it sound like the question itself was an odd one.
Then Aqua forced a smile onto her face. "I believe this is enough lessons for one day. You should go get some rest."
"Already? I was expecting it to be several hours before I'm allowed to be done for the day?" Kairi asked.
"I have something special planned for tomorrow. Of course I'm not going to tell you what it is though, but I do think you'll need your strength for it. Plus you've been working hard lately. Consider the few extra hours off a treat, as a reward for your efforts so far." Aqua explained.
Kairi considered, then nodded and stood up. Aqua followed her past the door. Once Kairi went on her way she leaned against the wall and rubbed the corners of her eyes.
"Rough day?" Asked Terra, entering the scene.
"I wouldn't say that. I just wish I did not feel like such a hypocrite with some of the things I'm teaching her." She replied, nodding to him in greeting along the way. This was hardly the first time he came to check on her at the end of the day.
"I'm fine. I really am." She said to the concerned look he gave her. "You don't need to worry about me. I'm feeling a lot better now. The darkness might not be completely gone, but thanks to Kairi it doesn't bother me that much. It's a small, distant thing now. I can manage it. I just still think there are past decisions I might have managed better."
"You're sure?" He asked.
"Yeah. I am." She replied.
Terra considered her words. "Good. I'm glad to hear it." He said then, seeming to believe the sincerity in her words.
"Hey, while you're still here, do you mind if I pick your brain with something?" She then asked.
"Sure." He replied.
"Well, it occurs to me that sooner or later Kairi is going to have to take the Mark of Mastery exam. Maybe not in the near future, but eventually. I've been reading up on how to arrange the test. It more or less confirms what I always suspected. The test isn't just about evaluating ones skills in combat. A big chunk of it is about provoking the darkness in one's heart through combat, to see if they can keep it in check when they are put under stress. But Kairi doesn't have darkness in her heart. The test would not challenge her the way it's meant to. I still think she should take the test. It's part of becoming a Keyblade Master after all. But I'm at a bit of a loss on how to create an exam that will test her in a meaningful way."
Terra grasped his chin. "You make a good point." Then he chuckled. "It sounds like training Kairi comes with its own unique challenges."
"Oh, without a doubt. Make no mistake, we are making history here." She said.
"How so?" He asked.
"I mean I can't find a single recorded instance of this being done before. Having a princess of heart trained as a keyblade wielder I mean. Not a single case." She explained.
"Why ever not? You'd think they would be effective with all the light they possess?" He asked.
"From what I can tell the Princesses of Heart have been considered just too valuable to put at risk. There are seven of them for a reason. And those seven together keep all the worlds from falling into darkness. Would they be able to do it if there were just six? It looks like in the past no one was willing to take the risk." She explained. "And participating in battles would bring them to contact with emotions which can attract darkness. Fear, anxiety, anger, sorrow. There was concern that even such pure lights could grow dim if exposed to such feelings too frequently."
"Then what has changed? Last I heard Yen Sid was eager to have her become a wielder now. In fact I've heard he was the one that sent her to be trained when she came to ask for a way to help." He wondered.
"I don't know. There may have been a shortage of able wielders which may have forced him to make that move. It could be that Xehanort created a big enough threat to take the risk. If he had won the worlds would have been done for anyway. Those may be the reasons he is willing to let her continue training now. Regardless Yen Sid seems willing to do things differently." She said.
"I just hope that no one has any plans on telling her to hold back because she is too important. I certainly would not want to be the one to tell her that. She has the right to defend her friends just like the rest of us." She continued.
"Yeah, you're right, she does." He said.
"I'm glad we agree. But back to my question. How will we be able to properly test her when the time comes?" She asked.
Terra considered. "Since darkness is entirely external to her, maybe her test should reflect that? But how could we arrange that? Something like that could be dangerous if handled improperly." He then suggested.
That gave Aqua an idea. "You know… I've been wondering if you'd want a redo of the test?"
Terra looked surprised at first. Then he bit his lip and bowed his head. "I'm not sure I have any business trying that again. I haven't actually… stopped making use of the darkness. I'm sure you know."
"I know. But you actually have it under control. You could bring it out without putting anyone actually at risk. Kairi could face down a genuinely challenging darkness and you'd finally get the rank of a Master. If Riku could be given the rank despite his darkness, I don't see why you shouldn't. What do you say?" She said.
"…I have wanted to become a Keyblade Master, its true. I just wasn't sure if that was a reasonable thing for me to wish for any longer." He admitted. "But if you were to be the one to declare me such, would that be… impartial?"
"I doubt our friends would question it." Aqua said. "But then again maybe an outside perspective would be useful? In the past it was common for several Masters to preside over the test when possible, to avoid any favoritism."
"Riku might end up being on his quest for quite a while. But I could ask for Mickey and Yen Sid to be here on the day of the test. Yen Sid might be a retired Master, but I'm sure he can be considered qualified for this." She decided.
"That does sound like a workable plan." He said.
"Yes it does. Thanks for helping come up with it. Not at it will come into play for a long time yet. But it's good to have this planned out." She said with a smile.
"I have some things I want to see to before I turn myself in for the night. You go on ahead." She said in conclusion.
Terra nodded and departed. Once he had left Aqua noticed a window nearby, covered by curtains. As usual she had avoided looking at reflective surfaces. But if she really was better now, perhaps she would not be there anymore? Maybe at long last she would see her own reflection instead?
Cautiously she approached the window. Then, trying to keep her hand from trembling, she peeked behind the curtain. Her eyes locked on the reflection for one second, two. Then she snarled and turned her back to the window.
"…You are going to disappear. One day. I'm going to destroy you. I have all the light I need to do that now. I'm going to burn you clean out of my heart. Then I'll finally be rid of the torture you've put me through. You'll never be able to harm me or my friends again. Do you hear me? Your time is coming to an end. Someday soon." She hissed over her shoulder. Then she walked away, stepping briskly, a tightness in her shoulders.
Peeking around the opposite corner, Kairi frowned in utter puzzlement. Halfway to her room she had realized she had forgotten her notes and had decided to go back and get them. And then she had caught Terra's conversation with Aqua, as well as this aftermath. She had not really meant to spy on them, but once she had heard them talking she could not help herself. And now that she had, she was left with a whole lot of questions. What had that been about Aqua's wellbeing? And who on earth had she been talking to after Terra had left?
Cautiously Kairi approached the window Aqua had looked at, and peeked past the curtain. But all she could see was her own reflection. Nothing outside except the castle grounds, now shrouded in the dark of night. But she had seen Aqua reaction, heard the hostility in her voice. It was clear she had seen something else. But what?
She had no answers, and eventually she forced herself to leave. Aqua or someone else might come along, and something told her Aqua would not appreciate it if she realized Kairi had been snooping around. Even so she had a hard time letting go of her questions. She could not recall ever seeing Aqua like that. She just didn't understand what she had witnessed just now? And was it even her business to know?
As she returned to her room she found herself bothered by other things that Aqua had said. About her apparently being the first Princess of heart being trained to use a keyblade, and how she might be considered too *valuable* to be put at risk. What if she was right? What if when the time came to do her part she would be denied again, because they could not risk her loss? Would she be left behind once more, even after all her hard work to make herself someone who could actually help?
"I won't let them do that. It doesn't matter if it's dangerous, I'm not staying home while others risk themselves." She decided.
"At least Aqua and Terra sound like they are on my side in this." She thought, somewhat relieved by the notion.
Aqua worked on the armors for a while to calm herself. Then, still feeling restless, Aqua found herself in another room of the castle. There she began systematically searching through the closets and drawers. She was taking her time, making sure everything she took out was put back exactly like she had found it. Most of all she took the utmost care not to leave a mess, almost reverent in her caution.
"Aqua? What are you doing in Master Eraqus's room?" Asked Ventus, standing in the doorway.
"Oh, Ven. Didn't see you there." She replied.
"I happened to be passing by when I heard you." He replied. "But what are you up to?"
"Well, I recently realized I don't actually know all that much about our Master's past. And given what we learned of his keyblade, I've become plenty curious about just what there might be to find." She explained.
"And you figured you might be able to finds some answers here." Terra said, also appearing at the door.
"You're here too?" Aqua asked.
Terra shrugged. "You're usually not up at this hour. I figured you must have found something to distract yourself with. Something told this is where I would find you. Looks like my instincts were correct."
"So have you found anything yet?" He asked.
"Not yet. If there is something to find I don't think he liked to keep it in the open." She replied. "…I hope he doesn't mind me looking through his things." She added quietly.
"I'm… sure he would understand. How could anyone not be curious after what we've learned lately?" He replied.
Then Terra and Ventus exchanged looks. "Do you mind if we join you?" Terra asked.
Aqua smiled. "Not at all. But let's leave everything in good order, okay? Everything should remain as the Master left it."
"Come on, Aqua. Even if you think us slow, you don't need to tell us something that obvious." Terra said with a chuckle.
"Let's get to it. Night's wasting." He concluded.
And so the two of them joined Aqua in her search. Around half an hour passed without progress. Aqua was looking through one of the last drawers in the room, just about to call of the search as fruitless when her hand met something hard amongst the clothes. She took the object out of the drawer, realizing she was holding a picture with a frame.
"Did you find something?" Terra asked, having noticed that she had paused in her search.
"I think so. Come take a look at this." She said, motioning the others over.
"A picture? And a pretty old one by the looks of it. See how faded it is?" He said.
"But who are these people on it?" Ven asked.
"I think this is a younger Eraqus. Wasn't this what he looked like when we saw him for the last time?"
"And that would make this other kid… Xehanort." Terra guessed, pointing. "But who are the others?" He then wondered.
"I don't know…" Aqua said. She turned the picture over, finding text written behind it.
"The thirteenth class, under Master Odin. The first day of training." She read aloud.
"Thirteenth class… first day if training… so these are Master Eraqus's classmates?" Terra guessed.
"Must be. And it looks like he and Xehanort really have known each other for a long time. Just look how young they both are here!" She said.
"They look so happy. All of them." Ventus pondered.
"Yeah. They do." Terra concurred. "Makes you wonder… was Xehanort different form the one we knew once?"
"I mean, I get it. It's hard to believe such a horrible person could have ever been anything different. And it's a big conclusion to draw based on one picture. But there must have been something that made Eraqus consider him a friend. And to keep considering him such even after everything he had done. Not many friendships could survive after that." He then explained.
"…It does make some kind of sense. People can change over time. Though it's very strange to think about." Aqua admitted after a moment of consideration. "I suppose it's a shame we never knew that version of Xehanort."
"We never knew about Xehanort before he literally walked through our front door. And now we find out he has even more friends that he has never spoken of. How come? Why keep this to himself?" She then pondered.
"They look to be about Eraqus's age. They'd be pretty old now. Maybe they just… aren't around anymore?" Ventus suggested.
"It's not impossible. But that doesn't really explain anything. Whether they are still living or not I would think he would have mentioned his old friends, at least in passing. Yet the one instance where I asked of him about it, I remember him evading the question entirely. Why is that?" She countered.
"Could there have been some kind of falling out? Maybe he didn't consider them his friends anymore by the time we came to know him?" Terra suggested.
"Maybe… but somehow I don't think it too likely. As you said he was able to consider Xehanort his friend despite everything he did. He forgave him. And in that case I can't imagine what his other friends could have possibly done to make him reject them? And he didn't seem angry or bitter when I asked him about his past. Just sad…" She said.
"I just… don't understand…" She continued.
Chirithy suddenly appeared in the room, almost startling all of them.
"Ventus! Ventus! Lauriam and Elrena are here! They're back!" They said, out of breath.
Aqua smiled. "Ven, you should go see them. You have a lot to talk about. We can discuss this business again tomorrow."
"You don't want to come with?" Ventus asked.
"I think we ought to get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day. We can see them in the morning." Terra said. "Just try to remember to go to bed in time as well. You have a job to do tomorrow as well, remember?"
"Yeah, sure thing." Ventus said, though his mind was already elsewhere. He rushed out of the door, with Chirithy right at his heel. Terra and Aqua nodded at each other and left as well.
Ventus found Lauriam and Elrena in the entrance hall, the two having just entered past the door. Ventus immediately ran to Lauriam, and the two embraced.
"Ventus. I heard you had woken up." Lauriam said as they separated.
"Yeah. And I remember everything now." Ventus replied.
"All of it?" Lauriam asked.
"All." Ventus confirmed. "And… I'm really sorry… about Strelitzia. I wanted to tell you that, even back in Daybreak Town. I just never got the chance to do that."
Lauriam shook his head. "I told you before. I don't blame you for that anymore. I did back then, but I wasn't thinking clearly. I was upset, lashing out at the first target that presented itself. And the Darkness that did strike you down… we are going to find a way to remove it from you and destroy it. That is all the justice that I require."
"…So you already know it's still within me?" Ventus asked.
"Yes. We were there when Naminé told us it was still in your heart." Lauriam said.
"We've... discovered a few new things about it. Things you need to know." Ventus said.
"…Chirithy said something about Strelitzia possibly being around in this age? And I was told that you went to Scala. Something out Brain or Ephemer?" He asked.
"Yes. Yes indeed. There is still hope there. And you'll definitely want to hear what we found in Scala." Lauriam said.
Ventus, Lauriam and Elrena wound up speaking late into the night, Ven's promise to go to sleep in time all but forgotten. In the end all of them got perhaps three hours of sleep. The next day they would wake up exhausted and understandably worried of the future, but nevertheless glad they had managed to finally reconnect. Elrena may have been a bystander in the rekindling of this friendship, but even so she was glad Lauriam had managed to restore at least one of his friendships of old. If it brought him joy, then she was glad to be a bystander that played a small part in making it happen.
Despite all the sadness and the harrowing news they had to share, at least they had that. The hardships ahead, they would now face together.
