This one should've come out last month, but stuff and work happened, as always. Thanks for your patience, and I hope you like it.
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Answers
Asuka woke up in the middle of the night. Not from a nightmare, or because of an unpleasant memory; she just did. She had kicked the sheets away, most likely from tossing and turning. The moonlight slipping through the window bathed her, and she yawned, rubbing her eyes and stretching. In her mind, the haze of sleep dissipated, making it easy to remember the events of that afternoon. The battle, with all the shed blood and spilt tears. And, most importantly, what had happened after.
Kaji and Sosuke had taken Shinji back to the apartment. With Ritsuko's covert MAGI mastery, they avoided the surviving Nerv cameras, as well as the incoming clean-up crew. As for Misato, Rei and herself; they had simply waited for the ambulances. The paramedics gave them a quick check-up, and drove them to the GeoFront once it was confirmed that they had no serious injury nor trauma. By the mercy of some deity, the commander didn't call any of them to his office, not even Misato. Thus, as their Evas were craned back to the bowels of the earth, they had been allowed the respite and pleasure of a hot shower.
A moment of peace and healing, before the bad news started to arrive. A death toll taller than in the previous attacks, due to the Angel's sudden appearance. Unit-02 needing extensive repairs. Half of the city, destroyed.
Rainuma, missing. The cleaning crew and the paramedics had searched everywhere, but they had found nothing. Not even a squashed corpse in one of Gabuthelon's footprints. Asuka couldn't help to worry about it. If that old geezer was still alive, what other horrible thing could he make to attack them? And what was his relationship with SEELE? What did he mean when he said that he had created a hybrid for them?
She took a deep breath. No point in thinking too much about it, not when there were so many other things going on. Besides, with a bit of luck, wherever Rainuma had fled, he would have died already due to his injuries. Or maybe he was scared and would never bother them again. Whatever.
Asuka stood up, feeling thirsty. She tiptoed her way to the door and opened it with care, not wanting to make any noise. The door to Shinji's room was closed. He and Misato were likely sleeping already.
They had talked about a lot of things during dinner, but not demons. After forbidding Shinji from cooking, Misato had retrieved and reheated some frozen pizzas. She then had made a joke about the taste, a terrible joke; but they had laughed all the same. There was no mention of their duty as pilots that night. The events of the afternoon weren't brought up. For a time equivalent to three slices of pizza each, they forgot about their lives outside those walls, and behaved like a normal family, for once.
Alas, it ended eventually. It had to. And, while Asuka took on dish duty, Misato and Shinji went to the living room, for he had much to tell, and she much to learn. Asuka had made sure to not eavesdrop, quickly going to her room once as the last dish was clean. She had plopped down on her bed, letting her housemates have the moment of privacy they deserved. Sleep overtook her shortly after.
Her mind replayed the evening as she walked to the kitchen and served herself a glass of water. She drank it in slow gulps, enjoying the silence of the apartment. So different from the constant noise of the battlefield. It was almost more refreshing than the water itself.
Asuka turned her head towards the living room, almost by instinct. There, in the few moon rays that entered through the curtains, she saw the top of a head peeking from the couch. Wondering why their guardian had chosen to sleep there that night, she tiptoed closer, to take a look. She found Misato wide awake, much to her surprise. Who slept, and quite soundly, was Shinji, curled next to her, resting his head on her shoulder, with one of her arms around him. The wound on his face had closed, and was just a grayish scar.
"He was exhausted," Misato said, whispering to not wake him up. "It's been a long day."
Asuka leaned in, to take a better look. Shinji looked so peaceful, so comfy. Just like that night, when he had slept in her room.
"So, how was it?" she asked. "Lots to assimilate, right?"
"Kind of. But, after seeing an Angel made with my father's cells, nothing is too weird, or too hard to digest."
"There'll be more tomorrow."
"I know." Misato's eyes went back to Shinji's sleeping form, and she smiled. "And I don't care. Let Rits and that idiot Kaji tell me everything they know. I don't want to be left out of the loop ever again." She tightened the one-armed hug, with much care to not wake him up. Then, she looked at her other ward. "And how are you doing?"
Asuka crossed her arms. Changing her weight from one foot to the other, she pondered the answer. But, the more she thought about it, the less sure she was. At the end, the only reply she could give was a shrug and a "Not fine, but not bad either."
"I understand." Misato said.
"Well," feeling the approach of an awkward silence, Asuka decided to excuse herself. "I'll be going back to my room."
"Wait."
She stopped before she had even begun to turn away. Her eyes met Misato's, but she found no trace of the major in them. She just found a woman, a girl not unlike herself, who had been scared and lost, and perhaps still was.
"Remember that one night?" Misato asked. "After this whole madness began. I told you that Shinji needed a lot of help."
"Yes. What about it?"
"That was bullshit. I was lying to you, and to myself." She looked down. "It's true that he's always been less prepared than you; but I centered all my attention on him, when I should've worried about both of you. Dammit, if I had cared more about you back in Germany, if I hadn't been such an irresponsible…"
"And if I hadn't pretended to be an adult," Asuka rolled her eyes. "Let's not waste time thinking of what could've been."
She yawned. In response to that, Misato smiled and opened her other arm in an inviting gesture. Asuka raised an eyebrow.
"Only if you want." Her guardian said. "I'll understand if you think it's too little, too late."
"Hmph. Such a childish thing to do." But then, her arms fell, and she sighed. "Of course, I am a child, so it's fitting, I guess."
Despite her own words, Asuka took it slow. Hesitant, almost. A weak voice inside still urged her to run as she climbed on the couch.
She curled next to Misato, resting her head on the woman's shoulder. The arm closed around her. It was warm. Comfortable. Protective. And yet, Asuka's whole body tensed, for a second that seemed like an hour.
Then, she let go. She let go of the air in her lungs, of her fears, of the tension in her cells. The weak voice went silent.
"Is everything going to be alright?" she asked.
Misato didn't reply. Asuka could feel her thinking about what to say. She could sense her doubts.
"Please, give me the adult answer." she begged. "Even if I'm a child, just this time, don't sugarcoat it."
So, her guardian took a deep breath. For an instant, the apartment was in an absolute, sepulchral silence.
"I don't know." Misato said. "But I'll stay with you, and with Shinji, and I'll do my best to make sure that at least you two have a future."
Asuka smiled. Not a perfect answer, perhaps not even a good answer; but good enough for her.
She closed her eyes and let herself be soothed back to sleep by the warmth of her family.
Gendo pulled the blanket away, revealing, to the monoliths, the lifeless body of Dr. Rainuma. He then stepped back, outside the circle, letting them see the last inch of the corpse, as much as they wanted.
How long had it been since they had met to look at a physical object, and not a hologram? Many years. Almost since the development of the technology, in fact. Holograms made everything much easier and faster. They no longer needed to travel outside their countries to reunite in a dark place, which was always risky.
However, this particular time, a hologram would not do. A picture would not do. The Throne needed to see him in the flesh, to see the clothes stained with dry blood, and his many wounds, and his face frozen in a smirk, and the bullet hole in his head.
SEELE-01 broke the silence:
"Good job, Ikari. You have done us a great service."
In contrast with the calm and pleased tone of their leader, SEELE-04 spoke with an angry and scandalized voice:
"To think that this heretic was still alive! He and his blasphemous abomination!"
SEELE-08 wasn't very happy either:
"How did he do it? How did he find the infrastructures necessaries to grow his horrid Angel?"
"I shall look into that," Gendo declared. "Our early investigations indicate possible connections with the black market. Perhaps this… Rainuma, is it? Perhaps he spent the last fifteen years performing unsavory deals until he could find the needed equipment."
A noise came from the monolith of SEELE-10. An enraged fist hitting a desk, most likely.
"We were so close to disaster! The Scenario could've been jeopardized! This must not happen again!"
"Indeed," SEELE-03 intervened. "We better keep a closer eye on our former collaborators, and make sure that those we ordered executed are truly dead."
"Ikari."
Gendo answered the call of Keel and stepped inside the circle of monoliths.
And SEELE-01 declared:
"Your defense of the Scenario in a moment of crisis was very satisfying. I shall see to it that you receive enough funding to rebuild Tokyo-3. Furthermore, we will pull the needed strings so that Unit-04 is put under your care as soon as possible. Make sure to have a pilot ready when it arrives."
"It shall be done." Gendo looked at the cadaver on the table. "What should I do with him?"
The answer came not from SEELE-01, but from a still seething SEELE-04:
"Burn it and then scatter the ashes far away! His heretic flesh shall not taint Lilith's sanctuary any longer! If there was any justice in the world, he would've been shot in the Antarctic Dead Sea, and his corpse thrown into space."
None of the other monoliths seemed to disagree. No further instructions or warnings were added, and they vanished. Gendo's lips bent into a satisfied smile. He didn't have the First Demon, but Rainuma had aided his cause in a different way. Despite everything, he had won something that day.
It wouldn't be his last victory. Oh, he would make sure of that.
"I still can't believe you've convinced me to do this," Shinji said, under the bathroom's lightbulbs, his cheeks tinted red.
"Just this time, I promise!" Misato said, sheepish, as she clasped her hands together. "I really, really, really wanna see it!"
"Yeah!" Asuka agreed. "You spend almost a week training to unlock the new form. You can't expect us to not be curious about it!"
He sighed in defeat, knowing that there would be no point in arguing. They would not relent.
"Alright, but I don't want to ruin more clothes," and he took off his shirt, revealing an unscathed torso.
"Not even scars," Misato said, looking at his chest. "That demon blood of yours is impressive."
Indeed, even the one on his forehead had healed completely. However, Shinji's blush grew brighter. "Um… I also need to lower my pants a bit. I grow a tail in this form."
"As long as the pants stay on, do what you have to do."
Shinji nodded. Still holding his pants so that they would not fall all the way down, he transformed. The horns grew from his forehead, his ears became pointy, and dark blue fur appeared on the back of his hands all the way to the elbows. His toes became sharp, the wings sprouted from his back, and his eyes turned red. The tail uncoiled and extended without an issue.
The crimson lines appeared on his cheeks.
"Wow." Was all Misato could say, after a short silence of honest surprise.
Asuka, with much less shame, approached Shinji and walked around him, studying him.
"You know," Misato said, getting closer, "it reminds me of an old manga I read once. I don't recall the name." And she poked one of his horns. "It's really cool."
"Really?" Shinji looked up, blush intensifying, but eyes sparkling. "You really think so?"
"Of course. The coolest kid in Tokyo-3, along with Asuka. Right, Asuka?"
She wasn't listening, though. All her attention had shifted to a certain part of Shinji's demonic anatomy.
Following the scientific curiosity that she had inherited from her late mother, Asuka grabbed the tail and pulled. She barely used any strength, of course. She didn't want to hurt her friend. But…
Shinji bounced, yelped in surprise, and let his pants go. Gravity did the rest.
Two teenagers blushed to impossible levels that morning. Especially Asuka, who covered her eyes a second too late.
"Imgoingtomakebreakfast!" Shinji said as he returned to normal, grabbed his clothes and ran out of the bathroom, leaving the two women alone.
Misato approached Asuka, who peeked through her fingers to make sure it was safe to uncover her face. They stood next to each other, in awkward silence, for a moment. Then, Misato leaned closer.
"He's developing nice muscles, isn't he?"
"Yeah. I guess training did No, shut up!" Growing even redder, as well as angrier, Asuka pushed Misato out of the bathroom. "Pervert! Cow! Slob! Arsch mit ohren! Evolutionsbremse! I'm going to take a shower! A long one!" She finished her tirade by slamming the door shut.
Some chuckles escaped Misato's lips. It didn't take long for them to grow into full laughter.
Pen-pen waddled closer to his owner, and let out a curious wark. Misato took him in her arms, lifting him up to a comfy spot in her chest. Pen-pen snuggled in. He wasn't sure why, but he felt that things in the house had, in a way, gone back to normal.
In the past fifteen years, the pigeons of Hakone –and later, Tokyo-3– had learned to limit their activities to certain hours of the day, in order to avoid the heat. That fresh morning, while the city stretched and woke up, a group of them were meeting in one of the parks, around a fountain, pecking the ground in search for breakfast.
They stayed clear off a certain bench, though, because of the person sitting on it. At simple glance, he seemed like a regular young man, of curly blonde hair and dressed in casual clothes. A dark blue trench coat rested next to him. Nothing unusual in Tokyo-3; but the pigeons' instincts were telling them that something was off.
Those uneasy feelings only intensified when a woman sat next to him. Pale skin. Short, brown hair. Her eyes were hidden behind sunglasses which looked as expensive as her emerald green dress.
"(You know you can change the hair color of your human disguise, don't you, Vorak?)"
He said nothing. Lamia took a small mirror out of her purse, but no lipstick. After making sure there were no humans around, her lips turned bright red, and twice as sensual. She thought about it for a moment, and then decreased their thickness a bit.
"(You can change a lot of things, for that matter. Don't you get bored of using the same disguise all the time?)"
"(Waste of time and energy.)" Vorak declared, dryly.
Lamia shrugged, and dropped the subject. Both demons remained silent for a moment. A young couple arrived in the park, jogging, but left after a few laps around the fountain.
"(So,)" Lamia said. "(Are you going to attack now? I assume the Evangelions will be out of order for quite a while.)"
"(Let's not underestimate Nerv. Have you seen how fast they rebuild after every attack? For all we know, those damn machines could be repaired already. No, we need to neutralize the pilots. Without them, the Evas are useless.)" Vorak's gaze went to his companion. "(But, in order to do that, we might have to work together.)"
"(Really?)" Lamia smirked and raised an eyebrow. "(What happened to your plan of taking the Usurper in one-to-one duels?)"
"(I'll still do that. I just need you to take care of the pilots.)" He pointed a finger at her. "(But no hostages, and no human shields. I just want them out of the picture while I fight.)"
She leaned back and lowered her glasses a little. "(Yeah, I can do it. You won't like me methods, though.)"
"(I don't need to know them.)" Vorak grabbed his trenchcoat and stood up. "(Remember: do not harm the pilots. Not until I've won.)"
"(Yeah, yeah.)"
And Vorak walked away, leaving Lamia alone with her machinations.
The doorbell rang, just as they were expecting. Breakfast had already come and gone. The event in the bathroom had been willfully forgotten, or at least ignored. Pen-pen was busy doing his thing. Misato looked at her wards, asking them, with her gaze, if they were ready.
They nodded.
She couldn't resist giving them a last hug before leaving.
Misato opened the door, revealing Sosuke on the other side. After basic greetings, he accompanied them to the elevator. Shinji gave him a quick and sheepish look, one that said 'Sorry about your katana.'
Sosuke replied with a smile look on his own. 'It's okay.'
Their plan for the day was simple. With, once again, the help of Ritsuko through the MAGI, everyone in Section-2 'knew' that Misato's car had been damaged during the battle. So, agent Oshiba had kindly rented a car, and he would take the major and the pilots wherever they needed to go. No other agents were to follow them. Why should they? Sosuke had already proven to be very efficient on his job. Or so the MAGI's records said.
So, nobody would see the car parking in front of Doctor Akagi's building, or the group going up the stairs and entering into her apartment. And if they saw, wouldn't question why
"We're here." Misato announced. "Wow, I can't remember the last time I visited your house."
"I can." Ritsuko replied, sitting at a table with Rei. "And that's why I haven't invited you again since. I'm still trying to remove the stains of beer and vomit from the living room."
Misato ignored Shinji and Asuka's stares –of worry and disapproval, respectively– and sat next to her old friend. She also asked her wards to sit between her and Rei, for some reason.
"Good morning," Ayanami said.
She received no reply from her friends, however. They seemed uncomfortable, avoiding eye contact. Shinji in particular. He had that look on his face, which already asked for apologies before speaking.
"Um," he scratched his head. "I am very sorry that I hid it from you. And I hope you won't think less of me because… well…"
"It's quite alright. I already suspected it."
Not just Asuka and Shinji, but Misato and Sosuke too, stared at Rei with wide eyes and hanging mouths. Meanwhile, Ritsuko raised a hand to her lips, to hide a smile.
"What?" Asuka shrieked, after the mandatory awkward silence. "Since when?"
"Since the battle with Bugo. I found some of the First Demon's actions puzzling, and Shinji's constant absences during his apparitions were far too coincidental. The way the First Demon moved and attacked was similar in mannerism to Unit-01 in our previous battles. His defense of the city during Gabuthelon's attack, and his reaction when Unit-02 was neutralized, were also suspicious. Thus, I came to the logical conclusion that Shinji and the First Demon were one in the same. It's the only reason why I gave him the bazooka."
Asuka and Shinji lowered their heads in shame, while Ritsuko chuckled.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"It's alright. I assume you did it to protect me."
"Thanks, Wondergirl. Although wow, I think you're too forgiving. You sure you're not upset? Not even a bit?"
They didn't notice some of her muscles tensing. They couldn't feel the stomach knot that she felt. Rei looked at Ritsuko, very briefly, just a flash of the eyes; and received a gaze of encouragement. 'Calm down,' it seemed to say. So she did.
"There is no use in being upset. You had your reasons, and you are my friends. That is enough."
It wasn't. Not for Rei, and not for Shinji and Asuka; but, although they suspected that something was not right, they decided to let it be. For now. They had a long day ahead. There would be time to ask all the questions, and get all the answers.
"Meow." Tako approached and jumped on Rei's lap. He nudged her hand with his head, indicating that he wanted pats, which he received, purring in delight.
The doorbell rang.
"It's open." Ritsuko said.
Kaji walked in, the last member of their clandestine little meeting. He greeted everyone with a smile which quickly vanished when he saw that the seats next to Misato were occupied. So, he sheepishly sat next to Rei, and stroke the cat's back.
"Hello, Tiki."
"Tako, Mr. Kaji."
"Alright, we're all here." Ritsuko looked at her wristwatch. "We have enough time, but we shouldn't be careless. They await us down in the GeoFront. So, I say we skip all the pointless introduction and get to the crux of the matter." And she looked at Shinji.
He didn't sigh. He didn't search for the approving eyes of Misato or Asuka, nor did he expect words of encouraging. He didn't need them, they had been given to him time and time by this point.
No more secrets. No more lies.
"Some of you already know the full story; but it all started the night the First Demon appeared. Actually, I guess it began long before that. See, I used to have these nightmares…"
Fuyutsuki read, once again, the number written in the sheet of paper. He knew that it would be improper of him to be shocked by mere ink, no matter how many zeroes. He was the sub-commander of Nerv, after all. However, he had also been a teacher for many years, and not always well-paid, and some old habits die hard.
Plus, that was a lot of zeroes. He just couldn't help it. Was it even possible for that much money to exist in a single place?
"I'm surprised that the old men were fine with this."
"It was the chairman's decision." Gendo said. "I didn't have to ask for anything."
Fuyutsuki left the paper on the desk, wondering what had happened in that private meeting, what could Gendo had given them to receive such a reward. However, a part of him didn't want to know.
"So," he said instead. "I've heard that you couldn't contact agent Oshiba yesterday. We still don't know if your son is the First Demon."
"He most likely is."
Fuyutsuki's next words never reached his mouth. The confidence of Gendo's voice, the nonchalant way he had spoken, caught him off guard.
"The evidence points to it as a possible, and quite probable, scenario." The commander continued. "Look at how he reacted when Unit-02 was disabled. It matches the defensive behavior that the Third displayed during that incident at school. Furthermore, the fact that Rei trusted him enough to give him a weapon is suspicious."
"Do you think she knew all this time? Has she been keeping information from us?"
"I shall find out, and act accordingly."
His voice had a flash of hostility. It was very faint, and others wouldn't have noticed it; but Fuyutsuki had been with Gendo for long enough. The meaning was clear. That particular subject would not be discussed further.
The older man leaned back on his chair, gazing lazily at the ceiling. He took a deep breath, allowing himself to feel his age, just for an instant. He should've retired by now. He should be living a traditional Japanese house, playing shogi with friends, sometimes meeting his old students in the supermarket... But he had chosen that life. He had chosen the monsters.
The Kabbalistic drawings in the ceiling mocked him in silence.
"Are you going to have your son detained?" Fuyutsuki asked. "Send him to the Prime Minister? You promised him the First Demon's head on a platter."
"He's proving to be quite a valuable assent in the fight against the Angels. We can't afford it. I shall talk with the Prime Minister."
Gendo didn't react when the chair made a screeching noise, nor when his sub-commander walked around the desk until he stood in front of him. He didn't look up, missing the disapproving glare of the man who had been his teacher long ago.
"I don't get it." Fuyutsuki said. "After the battle with the Fourth Demon, you hoped that your son would've been killed and replaced by the First. Why are you protecting him now? What has changed?"
"It would be counter-productive."
"I am not a politician or an investor, Ikari." Fuyutsuki leaned over him. "Don't talk to me about efficiency or budget, just tell me truth. Why are you protecting your son now? In fact, why did you even bring him here, if you hate him so much?"
At last, Gendo looked up. He let his glasses fall to the tip of his nose, and he met Fuyutsuki's stare with naked eyes. The windows to his soul were open, for the first time in years.
They held each other's glare in a tense silence. Perhaps they hoped that the other would give up soon, and that would be the end of it; but there was no luck. Neither seemed willing to yield. Fuyutsuki wouldn't go away without an answer. Not this time.
So, Gendo gave him one.
"Had Rei not been wounded, or had Unit-02 been sent to us earlier, I wouldn't have called for him. I'd rather not have him here; but I need him. As long as the Third Children is of use to me, I will protect him, just as I protect our other weapons. But, if he were to willingly abandon his duties, or if an event out of my control were to take him away; I wouldn't stop it. It would make everything so much easier."
He pushed his glasses up, once again shielding his soul; but it had been more than enough for Fuyutsuki. He had read between the lines; he had seen who was hiding behind the commander's skin.
"You don't hate him. You're scared of him."
Not a question. Got no answer.
Fuyutsuki turned around and left the office, shaking his head and wishing that he could think that Gendo was just a heartless bastard. It would make everything so much easier.
Kaji stood in front of the door to Ritsuko's room, mostly because her apartment didn't have a veranda. Otherwise, Misato would've probably gone there, maybe to stress smoke. Did she still smoke? It dawned on him that he hadn't bothered to learn anything about her since his arrival at Japan. She could've quitted.
He knocked, for a third time; but she didn't even scream at him.
The worst part was that Kaji knew this was coming. He knew that, as soon they talked about SEELE, Misato would react the way she did. And part of him wanted to let her stay inside that room, to give her time to digest all; but after what had happened the previous day, he was just too scared of losing her. He could still see her soulless, unfocused gaze. He could still hear her shrieks.
Never again.
"Please, open the door."
This time, she did, and her accusing eyes froze him into place. He noticed the tear marks in her face, though.
"Did you know?" Misato asked. "Back in college. Did you know about SEELE and their role in the Second Impact?"
"No."
"But you knew when we met on the Over the Rainbow. You knew that our bosses, the ones who fund everything we do, are also the ones who killed my father."
Kaji, nodded, his shame forcing him to not look at her. Misato huffed and showed him her back, but didn't close the door. An advance, he hoped.
"And you told me nothing." She hissed, accusing.
"I wanted to protect you."
He brazed himself for the screams, the accusations, the insults and perhaps even the slap; but none of those things happened. Misato breathed in, soundly and deeply. She sighed, and her whole body relaxed a bit. "Like Shinji," she said.
"Yeah. Like Shinji."
"If I'm not angry at him, I shouldn't be angry at you." She turned around a bit. "But still, what were you planning to do? If demons hadn't appeared, would you have told me?"
"Of course. Once everything had been dealt with, I would have."
"Too little, too late." She faced him. "Think about it for an actual second. What if you had died before that? Would you have left me in the dark? Or would you had sent me a post-mortem letter? Or one last phone call?" When he still didn't look her in the eyes, she grabbed his chin and forced him to. "Were you going to dump all your work, your crusade or whatever, onto me?"
Kaji wanted to say that he hadn't planned on dying, but couldn't find the strength to do so. It wasn't even a good defense, he realized. As if someone could plan to not die, especially in a profession such as his.
"I'm sorry, Katsuragi."
"Yeah, you better be." She let go of his chin.
"I couldn't help you yesterday. I felt so useless, so scared." He looked down. "It has made me think. Maybe I never knew how to help you. Maybe I only messed up, all the time."
For the longest time, Misato had thought she would enjoy seeing Kaji in such a pathetic state, practically groveling at her feet, admitting how much of a little shit he was. Now, however, she didn't feel the smallest iota of schadenfreude.
"You weren't the only one who messed up." Perhaps that was the reason. "Just ask the kids. I've made my own mistakes as well."
Misato said nothing more. She waited, perhaps hoping that, after such an admission, the universe would take pity on her and give her a revelation. The right thing to say to put an end to the pain. The magic word that would fix everything, with Kaji, or preferably, with everyone.
She got the opposite. Recognizing her own faults only reminded her that she was a small woman in a big world of conspiracies and lies. A world where the most dramatic event in her life had been orchestrated. It still hurt to think about it. Misato hugged herself, and her nails dug into her arms to stop herself from trembling. Tears of anger and unspeakable sorrow appeared in her eyes, threatening to escape.
"I want to kill them, Kaji." She hissed. "They took my father. They took my childhood. I want to put a bullet in every single one of their heads, and look at them in the eyes while I do it."
Her shrieks from yesterday echoed in his mind, and his soul hurt remembering how useless he had been. But pain is sometimes the best motivator, if only because we want to avoid it. Thus, Kaji took a step forward. Vowing to never let Misato suffer so much if he could avoid it, he put his hands on her shoulders.
The trembling stopped, and her teary eyes looked at his.
"They took many things from me, too." He said. "And I will not stop until I see them brought to justice."
Fear appeared in Misato's stare, and for the first time, Ryoji Kaji fully understood the weight of those words. His mouth grew dry, and a chill ran down his spine. That mantra, the one he had followed for so long, now felt icy and grim.
The realization hit him just as much as it hit her.
"But…" Kaji added. "I don't want to lose you in the process."
"Ha…" Misato averted her gaze, with a weak smile. "Look at us. Of all the things to have in common, we chose self-destructing obsessions."
"Yeah." He chuckled. "At least it's more original than sports, or the same favorite movie."
She laughed.
Nothing was magically fixed that morning. A bridge had appeared over the ocean separating them, but it was frail and narrow, made of sins and regrets instead of virtues. A big enough wave would shatter it, and a tempest would disintegrate it. And yet, there was hope. That little bridge stood there, defying the vast ocean.
Kaji hands went down to Misato's, and his touch brought some comfort.
Could they build a better bridge, perhaps?
"I think we should return," she broke the moment, with regrets, even if she didn't admit it.
"Y-Yes." He put his hands away and cleared his throat, quite awkwardly. "We should. Before they get worried and send someone."
Ritsuko had made some coffee in their absence, and had served Sosuke a cup. Meanwhile, Tako had warmed up to Shinji, who now smiled as he scratched and stroked the cat.
"Sorry for the delay," Misato said, not bothering to sit down.
"Feeling better?" Ritsuko asked.
"No, I feel like shit. But I can't let that stop me."
"Good." Doctor Akagi stood up and walked up to Kaji. "Now, care to explain, something, Mister Spy?"
He gulped, not sure what was going on, but offered a smile and a nod. Immediately after that, he froze in place when Ritsuko pierced him with the most intense and furious stare he had never received from a woman.
"How is it that you can work for three different agencies, hide said work from your friends, and stick your nose into Nerv and SEELE's businesses without being detected; but you can't remember the name of my cat?"
"Of course I can! It's… Tetris, right?" And he shrugged, in a sheepish and quite pathetic way.
Sosuke burst into laughter, pointing at his old friend with a mocking finger.
"Go bite the tail of an angry crocodile, Oshiba." But Kaji's grumble only caused the swordsman to laugh even harder.
"Alright," Misato said. "Now we're all up to date. What's the next course of action?"
Ritsuko released Kaji from her merciless stare and looked at Rei. Once again, an unspoken conversation took place between them, too quick for anyone else to notice. Both women were unsure, and even scared; but they agreed to do it.
"That's not true," Ritsuko declared. "You're not all 'up to date.' If we want to have any chance of winning against SEELE, there's much else you need to know. Especially, about Nerv." She looked at her wristwatch. "But not now. They're expecting me down there. Misato, meet me in my office at 18:25. The rest of you, be in the GeoFront around that hour."
With no school that day, Shinji and Asuka were taken back to the apartment by Kaji and Sosuke. Rei went with them, so that she would not be alone in Ritsuko's house.
It had been Asuka's idea. That way, she had argued, they could play some videogames together or watch a movie, to blow off some steam after the previous day and before the big whatever-was-going-to-happen that afternoon. Plus, it would give Shinji the chance to show Rei his new demon form.
That had also been Asuka's idea.
Sosuke waited in the building's parking lot, leaning his back against the car. It didn't take long for Kaji to appear, and he did the same.
"Safe and sound, the three of them." Ryoji took out a box of cigarettes. "Want one?"
"I don't know how you can poison yourself like that."
The cancer stick stopped in its way to Kaji's lips. He looked at it, although perhaps it would be more accurate to say that he looked at himself. At his actions, his choices in both recent and past years, his plans of what to do the next day. He found that the cigarette didn't look as alluring as it used to.
He lighted it.
"I'm gonna down on this. One per week. Then, one per month."
"Good luck with that."
Kaji released a cloud of smoke. They watched it as it raised in the air, becoming less defined until it disappeared. The cicadas were already crying loud, even though it wasn't even noon.
"I guess you want to punch me."
"I should." Sosuke said. "After all we went through together, all the hardships, all the lessons I struggled to get into that stubborn head of yours; you'd still risk your life like that? Playing spy against a secret society of murderous old farts?"
"Believe it or not, I kept your lessons in mind. I was being careful."
Some nostalgia tugged at Sosuke's heartstrings. He hadn't scolded Ryoji like that since their teenage years. In truth, he wanted to be proud of him. Who would've thought that a kid stealing food from a refugee camp could go so far in life? Yes, he was sort of a careless idiot, but he was also his junior.
"But who am I to judge?" He said, deciding to cut him some slack. "I was willing to kill a kid because of my thirst for vengeance, and for vengeance I chose this job."
"Your grudge is justified. I'm sure Shinji will agree on that."
"And yours isn't?"
Memories flooded their brains, of less joyous times. They felt the terrible hunger of a Japan weakened by a global cataclysm. They relived the fear of a world at war. The cold nights were they couldn't sleep. The riots. The houses they could never return to, because they were underwater or carried memories far too painful.
The rage. The desire to have someone they could blame.
"Is that all we are?" Sosuke asked.
"The Second Impact generation. Broken men and women." Kaji finished his cigarette, dropped it and stepped on it.
But, as the last streams of smoke from his mouth vanished, he pondered about his own words. He remembered how Asuka had rescued Misato from herself just the previous day. He thought of Shinji, drawing strength from the people he cared about.
And he thought of the new bridge over that vast ocean.
"No." He declared. "We're more than that. We're also survivors. We help each other out of our pits. Together, we're less broken." He extended a fist towards his old friend. "That's what you taught me, isn't it? The strength of the pack, like the noble wolf."
Sosuke smiled like he hadn't done in a while. The locket with Akane's picture on his pocket hurt less, all of the sudden. If he closed his eye, he could even feel her hand on his back, warm. He could even hear her voice, encouraging him to go forth, and reassuring him that he had made the right choices.
"Like the noble wolf." He fist-bumped Kaji, like a brother coming home.
Meanwhile, above their heads, in the Katsuragi household, a very curious Rei grabbed Shinji's tail and pulled.
The hours passed by, some slower than others. Eventually, the time for the second meeting arrived.
They took a silent elevator trip to the depths of the Black Moon. Then, a walk through a tunnel of colossal proportions, with pith-black walls and eerie orange lights. Shinji thought that they might very well be going to the maw of Hell. Quite a fitting idea, considering his current situation.
They stopped, at last, in front of an enormous gate, sealed magnetically. Ritsuko took a deep breath and turned her head, just a little, to look at the group. It was weird to have Sosuke there, but she guessed he deserved to know as well, seeing how close he had grown to Shinji.
"What's behind this door?" Misato asked.
"The LCL Production Plant." Ritsuko took out an ID card. "Also, the reason why the Angels only attack Tokyo-3. And, I suspect, what Kaji has been looking for."
One slid, and the door opened. The metal groaned and complained of its own weight. A blood-like stench hit all their noses, but their brains barely registered the complaint. They were far too busy trying to process the image of a white, legless giant nailed to a cross.
Only Rei averted her gaze, uncomfortable.
"That's," Misato spoke, almost in a whisper, eyes locked onto the colossi. "That's…"
"The Second Angel, Lilith." Ritsuko said. "The mother of all life on Earth, and if the Angels get to her, its destructor as well."
No one dared to point out the tiny but obviously human legs dangling from the lower half. Asuka wanted to ask if they had found Lilith crucified already, or if Nerv had done the deed; but she didn't have the strength to do so. She felt small, so very small. All of them did, in fact, even though the giant wasn't bigger than an Evangelion and they should've been used to it. No, there was something else. Despite Lilith's pitiful and seemingly dead pose, they felt as if they were before something… cosmic. Something more transcendent than themselves.
And, if that was only a mask, why did it seem that the eyes were looking at them?
"Although that classification is a bit of a misnomer." Ritsuko continued. "Same with Adam. Technically, they're beings separated from the Angels. SEELE calls them 'Seeds,' giant terraforming organisms of alien origin. The true Angels are only the offspring of Adam." She looked back at Shinji. "The 'White Invaders,' I believe."
He nodded. "But, if they're the same, why did Adam make Angels, and Lilith us?"
"Adam creates beings blessed with the Fruit of Life, the S2 Engines inside the Angels' cores. It provides longevity, extreme resilience and incredible powers. But, as you've probably noticed, Angels aren't exactly intelligent. Lilith, however, creates beings with the Fruit of Knowledge. Or rather, an ecosystem that will eventually give raise to intelligent beings through evolution."
"I see. And why are her legs missing?"
"Because we used them to make Unit-01."
There was a chorus of gasps. Some of them even took a step back, staring at Lilith now with horror. Although, what truly scared them, were the implications of that revelation.
"Oh, don't give me that." Ritsuko huffed as she rolled her eyes. "It's impossible that you haven't guessed it by now, especially you two." She pointed at Shinji and Asuka. "It was always obvious that the Evas are organic beings, not machines. For goodness sake, they bleed! What, did you think it was oil?"
"Okay, Rits, calm down." Misato said. "So, about Unit-01…"
"Created from the flesh of Lilith. All the others, from 00 to the upcoming 04, were grown from DNA samples from Adam."
"Wait, Adam is still around?"
"Yes." Kaji intervened. "As a side effect of Second Impact, he was returned to an embryonic stage. He's been in SEELE's possession for years, but I stole him and brought him to Tokyo-3, as per Gendo's instructions."
"And that's the reason for why the Angels come here," Ritsuko continued. "With Adam in stasis, they seek the closest active Seed. My guess is that they can only detect their progenitor if they're close, hence why the Sixth attacked you at sea."
But Misato wasn't listening. She stomped her way to Kaji and grabbed him by his shirt."You had the First Angel with you and you didn't destroy it?"
"I had to keep my cover so that Gendo would trust me!"
"And we need Adam." Ritsuko said. "We can regrow any of the existent Units as long as we have a tissue sample, but in order to make new ones from scratch, we need Adam's DNA."
This was enough to release Kaji from Misato's angry grasp, although she still grumbled, upset. Meanwhile, Sosuke, who had remained silent, pointed at the crucified giant.
"Will we die if she does?" He asked.
"No." Ritsuko answered. "For millions of years we've been out of her womb. We're independent from her."
"Then why not destroy her? That way, the Angels can't reach her."
She motioned towards the lake of LCL surrounding them. "Lilith's the only way to produce it. Without it, Evas can't be piloted. Besides, there's no guarantee that the Angels would just deactivate if Lilith wasn't around. For all we know, they could go berserk and attack cities at random. In any case, SEELE wouldn't allow it."
"Why not?" Misato asked.
"They want to use her to start a Third Impact on her own terms."
No gasps this time, and yet, she could see, in everyone's eyes, much more horror. And, in Misato's case, anger as well. Ritsuko watched as she approached, each step almost thundering in the vast room. Like bells tolling for the final condemnation of the last Akagi.
"What terms?" Misato asked. The calmness in her voice betrayed sheer indignation.
"It's something they call 'Human Instrumentality Project.' From what I could gather, they want to force mankind into their next evolutionary stage; but I don't know all the details."
"And what does the commander think of that?"
Ritsuko took a deep breath. One of the moments she dreaded most had arrived. "He plans to double-cross them and do his own version of Third Impact."
She saw the slap coming, but she made no effort to block it or avoid it. Likewise, she didn't bother looking at the face of her oldest and, for a long time, only friend. Ritsuko didn't need to. She could feel her rage, and not just in the burning of her own cheek.
"And you helped him?" Misato yelled. "I can't believe it! You went along! Every time civilians died in an Angel attack, every time we sent these kids to fight, to risk their lifes; you knew what was going on and you did nothing!"
Ritsuko raised her hand to her face, still not making eye contact. She cursed the day she had allowed Rei into her house. She cursed having agreed to help Shinji, and to even had befriended Misato in college. She wished she could've grown up to be someone cold and heartless, because that way, those words wouldn't hurt her so much.
And she hated herself for wishing such a thing.
"Misato." Shinji's voice attracted both women's attention. He took a step forth, and held his guardian's hand. "Misato. Regardless of what my father wants, we need to defeat the Angels to survive. It's okay."
His confident eyes managed to defuse her fury. Such a rare sight, but not unwelcome. Behind him, Asuka and Rei nodded to his declaration. A smile worked its way to Misato's lips. Those kids had grown up so much.
"Miss Ritsuko," Shinji addressed the scientist. "Why does my father want to make a Third Impact?"
"I don't know the details of that, either." Lies. Another lie that would no doubt come back to haunt her soon; but they couldn't know. Not yet. Especially not Shinji. "All I can tell you is that he needs Lilith, Unit-01, and… one more thing. Come. Let me show you."
"So this is where the dummy plugs are made?" Asuka asked, looking at the human-sized glass tube filled with LCL. Her gaze went up, to the enormous mass of cables and circuits on the ceiling. It reminded her of a brain.
"Yes." Ritsuko answered. A glance back confirmed that Misato was still keeping her distance. She sighed, knowing that it was just going to get worse from there. "Now, you will see what the dummy plug really is."
Lights on. An orange glow filled the whole room, and they could now see that it was circular. What they thought were walls turned out to be a glass, a window to a vision that chilled their blood.
Rei Ayanami. And Rei Ayanami. Dozens of naked copies of her, floating in LCL. In eerie synchronization, all their heads turned to look at them. Their mouths were agape, as if frozen in the middle of a mocking laughter; and yet they weren't as bad as their eyes. Piercing stares, seemingly without intelligence, not even curiosity. They looked at the visitors simply because they happened to be there. Unblinking. Cold. Mechanic.
Like the eyes of a doll.
Shinji was left without words. A chill, like none he had ever felt before, ran down his spine. He looked at Rei, the real one, if he could still call her that. Unlike the others, she wasn't smiling. Head low, as in shame, she endured becoming the center of attention, the target of all questioning stares, while her own eyes begged for forgiveness.
"What is this insanity?" Sosuke asked.
"Spare parts." Ritsuko explained, nonchalantly. "Replacement bodies for the pilot of Unit-00. They're empty husks, though. There is only one soul, one true Rei Ayanami. If she were to be too damaged, her soul would be rescued and put in a new body."
"How?" Misato inquired. "How did you do it? How did you make these?"
"By mixing Lilith's flesh with human DNA samples." At that last sentence, Rei's eyes opened wide. With a gasp, she whipped her head towards Doctor Akagi, who did her best to look apologetic. "I'm sorry I never told you, Rei. You couldn't know. Those were his instructions."
Ayanami looked now like a little kid lost in a mall. Her eyes avoided everyone, too ashamed to look at her friends, too scared to gaze at her 'sisters' in light of the new information. In her mind, her world was crumbling. "I... I guess it makes sense... considering my purpose..."
"What purpose?" Shinji asked. "What are you talking about?"
"This" Ritsuko said, "is the last piece in the commander's plans. A pilot that will not truly die until he deems it necessary. An eternal catalyst born from Lilith, one that he can control."
His mouth dry, Shinji took a step towards Rei. He found it difficult, almost painful. His eyes and ears stopped registering everybody else around them. All his attention was on her.
"Is this true?" A stupid question, he realized, but he needed to hear it from her lips. "All this time, you've been helping him with… this?"
Rei nodded weakly, unable to meet his eyes. "He promised that, as long as you didn't threaten his Scenario, you would be fine. But I had no idea that he had made me with..."
Shinji wasn't listening. He remembered the time she had slapped him because of his father. That pain had been nothing compared to the hurt of those words. Shinji couldn't look at her. She was no longer the girl who had fought by her side, the one who had sworn would protect him, nor the one who had smiled at him. She was just another tool of him.
He moved almost on autopilot. Clenching his teeth, he turned around and got out of the room, ignoring Misato and Kaji's calls. He couldn't stand being in that orange light. He needed a moment alone, just a moment. Hopefully, just a moment.
Shinji leaned on the wall and covered his face with both hands, not sure if he wanted to cry or not. His stomach twisted and turned, and he thanked that it had been a couple of hours since lunch, because otherwise he would've vomited for sure.
With no strength to resist even gravity, Shinji let himself slide down, until he sat on the floor. It was then that he noticed something red out of the corner of his eye.
"Asuka?"
She was at his right, sitting just like him and burying her head in her knees.
"When… when did you…"
"Dolls."
"Uh?"
"Those Reis. They smile like dolls." She shivered. "I hate dolls."
"Why?"
An eye peeked in between the red locks, and then disappeared just as quickly. "I don't want to talk about it."
He didn't ask. Focusing on a random spot in the wall, he mimicked Asuka's posture, hugging his legs and bringing his knees close to his face. How long since the last time he had resorted to that familiar attempt at protection?
They waited in silence, focusing on their turbulent emotions, and ignoring the voices coming from inside the room.
"I don't want to hate Rei." Shinji said, after a while.
"Me neither."
"Then… what do we do?"
Asuka didn't answer, but not because she didn't want to. Shinji could sense that she was as lost as himself.
A noise made them turn their heads. Rei was peeking from the door's threshold. She approached, and they could see the fear in her slow and almost hesitant movements. She kept her distance, but got close enough so that they could hear her. She also grabbed her skirt with both hands, twisting it a little. Most likely something she had learned from watching Hikari, or other girls at school. Rei Ayanami, visibly nervous. The day was proving to be full of surprises.
"For many years, I had only the commander," she said. "He gave me a purpose. A mission. He brought order to my life, and I thought it was fine. I see now that it was not. I don't care about the mission or his Scenario anymore, but…" her voice trembled. "Knowing that things aren't as I believed… that is scary. I wanted to still trust the commander, to hope that he still cared. That's maybe why I kept the secret for so long. And to protect you."
Although she tried to hide her eyes behind her hair, Shinji, from his position, could see something. A faint twinkle, one that could only be made by a tear about to fall.
"Please, don't hate me." Rei said in a fearful whisper.
Shinji waited a bit, hoping to see Misato, Kaji or Sosuke on the door. He waited for someone wiser to tell them what to do, what to say. He wished someone would appear and help them fix the situation. And yet, when nobody came, he didn't despair. Shinji stood up, having made a choice.
Others wouldn't fix their problems. Not all of them, at least. If their friendship had to be saved there, in the belly of their father's machinations, it was up to them.
"Rei," he said. "If you don't hate me for what I am, how could I ever hate you?"
She looked up with a gasp of surprise. Hope sparkled in her eyes, and pushed those tears out. Just two, but they held so much meaning.
"I… I'm sorry for never telling you. I'm sorry for being on his side for so long."
"It's alright." Shinji shrugged, offering a sheepish smile. "We're not so different. I was willing to pilot the Eva just to get praise from my father, remember?" He chuckled. "Asuka was right. I really am an idiot."
Upon mentioning her name, he looked back. He also stepped aside, giving Asuka enough space to approach to Rei, if she elected. He couldn't force her.
Asuka stood up and brushed dust off her clothes. She fixed her hair a little, took a deep breath, and walked to Rei. She wasn't smiling, and her eyes had that cold, hostile gaze that had been so common of her once. Ayanami stepped back on instinct, worried.
Then, Asuka extended an arm and ruffled her friend's hair. "It would be stupid to hate you just for that. Just never smile like those soulless freaks in there, okay?"
A surprise warmth bloomed in Rei's heart, and quickly extended to the rest of her body. New tears ran down her cheeks, but there was no sign of sadness of pain in them. They were liquid fireworks of joy. Her wish of acceptance had been granted.
Her cheeks became rosy, and she smiled just as she had done after the battle against the Fifth Angel.
"There you go." Asuka said. "Now let's get back in there and listen to the rest of this shitshow."
And so they did. They returned to the sinister room, their friendship stronger. The replicas, like ghosts trapped in an eternal sunset, locked their eyes onto them.
"Turn the lights off, please." Asuka asked, looking down and clenching her fists.
The walls turned pitch black again, hiding the horrors in blessed darkness. A sigh of relief was heard.
"Now," Misato said, glaring at Ritsuko. "Explain. Everything."
"Eleven years ago, the commander devised the creation of a faithful catalyst, one that would allow him to steal Third Impact from SEELE. He thought that the best candidate would be Lilith herself, so he separated her soul from her body, and put it inside a vessel."
She stopped, waiting for someone to freak out, or at least be surprised, at the confirmation that souls were real. She got nothing. Even Sosuke was unfazed. They just waited for her to continue. It made sense, really. With all the weird stuff that was happening, were souls really that unusual?
"The theory was simple. While Lilith can create beings with the Fruit of Knowledge, she doesn't have one. Thus, in the new body, she would emerge as a blank slate, one that the commander could teach to be loyal. However, he ran into a big complication. As it turns out, Lilith can take control of any human vessel she's introduced in, even if it's one made from her own flesh. And, while in her natural state she's mostly inert, in a foreign body she becomes hostile. Rei I attacked immediately after activation, and had to be put down."
Shinji looked at Rei with pity, and he wasn't the only one. Asuka put a supporting hand on her shoulder; but their friend didn't seem too affected.
"Don't worry, she doesn't remember, and I'll tell you why." Ritsuko picked up a cigarette, but after a few seconds of pondering, she put it away. Not the moment, regardless of how much she craved it. "Eventually, the commander found a solution. Lilith can't take control of a vessel if it already contains a human soul. So, he took one that we had in store from a previous experiment, put it in a body, and then added Lilith's soul. That is the current Rei Ayanami."
"So," Shinji said. "Just to be clear, she is not Lilith, right?"
"No. She contains her dormant soul, but Rei is her own person." Ritsuko looked at the blackened glass, or rather, at the empty copies she knew were behind it. "Many bodies were produced, at first just as a safety precaution, but now they're also the core of the dummy plug."
"Wait, does that mean…"
"Yes, we put one of these in the backseat of your entry plug, and it's helping you synch with your Unit."
"I can't believe it." Misato spat. "He… you were doing all of this right under our noses!"
"More than you think. You never wondered why the pilots are called 'Children' even in singular?" She motioned toward the walls. "This is the reason. Because Rei, the First, is one soul with many bodies at her disposition. One child, and at the same time, many children. Her title, the First Children, was a trick to hide her true nature. Asuka and Shinji just inherited–"
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" All the heads turned to look at a very unpleased Asuka. "If he wanted to hide this dumb clone factory, why give Rei a grammatically incorrect codename and force everyone to use it? Did he really think nobody would notice how weird it is? Why not call her just 'First Child?' He had no reason for the constant plural! It only makes it harder to conceal!"
Still complaining at the universe, she began to walk in circles, throwing her hands in the air. She had a lot of accumulated stress to release about that particular subject. Soon, she forsook Japanese and began a long tirade of very angry German words, most likely not nice, and probably directed at Gendo Ikari.
"Anyway." Misato approached Ritsuko and looked her in the eyes. "Who donated the DNA to make Rei's body? And where does her soul come from?"
"I can't answer that yet."
Misato stomped, with so much strength that it put an end to Asuka's ramblings.
"Don't bullshit me, Rits! I told you to explain everything now!"
"I'm doing it for them!" She nodded at the pilots. "It's already too much. Give them some time. When they're ready, I'll reveal the last mysteries. I promise."
Misato turned around, showing a cold back to Ritsuko, who took it without complaining. Everything they would throw at her that day, she would take it. She had no right to do otherwise.
"I'm not sorry for slapping you," Misato said. "I don't think I'll ever be. But yesterday I almost lost everything. I don't want to lose you too, Rits."
For the first time in the whole afternoon, the shell of Doctor Akagi cracked, and she was left speechless. She had readied herself for her friend's anger, for her slaps, and even for a bullet. That, however, she could've never predicted.
"But I need some time," Misato declared. His steps echoed in the room as she walked away, to her kids.
Head low, Ritsuko didn't say a word, for she was sure she had gotten much more mercy than she deserved. Misato reached Asuka and Shinji and, with a smile, pulled them into their second hug that day.
"We'll get through this, together." She said. "Rei, you will live at my apartment from now on."
In response, Ayanami walked to the center of the room and stood right in front of Ritsuko, who raised her head to look at the girl.
Then, Rei took her hand.
"I would like to stay with Doctor Akagi."
Misato whipped her head around "What!? After what she did to you!?"
She stepped forth and extended an arm, intending to pull Rei away from Ritsuko, but a firm stare from those crimson eyes stopped her in her tracks.
"Major Katsuragi," Rei said. "Regardless of what you might think of Doctor Akagi, she is a kind and hospitable host. This afternoon has been stressful for her as well, and I do not wish to leave her alone. I hope you understand."
Misato let out a sigh. She didn't like it, but felt unable to oppose. Perhaps, despite everything, she wanted someone looking after her old friend.
Kaji smiled. He had been surprised by the children again, and this time, by the least likely of them. Yes. There was hope that they would do it right.
"Very well." Misato sighed. "Let's call it a day."
Asuka and Shinji said goodbye to Rei, ensuring her once again that they were still friends. Kaji offered some words of encouragement to Ritsuko. Then, they all went away, leaving them alone in the dark room.
Ritsuko's hand slid off Rei's. She looked at her ward with sad and tired eyes.
"Why?"
The face she used to hate stared back, and she saw no judgement, no accusation. Only understanding.
"You are not a bad person." Rei said.
Something shattered inside of Ritsuko. Doors that had been locked for years opened up. Her arms moved almost on auto-pilot, surrounding Rei and pushing her, gently, against her chest.
And there, among black walls that hid her sin, Ritsuko Akagi cried.
Shinji plopped onto his bed, with much less care than usual. In a long sigh he released all the stress from the past couple of days, or at least, he tried to. He closed his eyes, looking for peace, but only found Lilith on her cross, and the soulless Reis floating in LCL, and his father above all of it.
His eyes opened. A too-familiar ceiling greeted him in silence, providing no comfort. He looked to the side, and saw his SDAT player resting on his desk. When was the last time he had used it?
Shinji picked it up. It had given him peace before, and that was something he clearly needed at the moment. He put his earbuds in, and pressed play.
He knew the melody. He could hum it no problem. And yet, it was like listening to a new and strange song, for it didn't soothe him. It didn't make him forget the revelations of the that afternoon, nor did it make the outside world seem further away. He tried other tracks, but always got the same result. Whatever power his music used to have, it was no more.
He left the SDAT on his bed, now doubting that it had ever truly comforted him. Perhaps it had just helped him to run away. Curiously, he wasn't all that upset about that. In fact, the more he looked at the device, the less appealing it seemed. However, the light and sounds coming from outside his door...
He walked out of his room and went to the kitchen. Misato was sitting at the table, beer already in hand, while Asuka looked for some snacks inside the cupboards. When he appeared, both of them stopped.
"I don't think I want to be alone," Shinji said. "Could… could we talk for a moment?"
His guardian smiled, and he sat down. Asuka followed suit.
"What do you want to talk about?" Misato asked.
Indeed, what? Shinji pondered for a moment. They had learned so much that afternoon, and yet, he felt like, at least he, had been left with even more questions.
But he chose just one. "My father."
Misato nodded. Asuka kept a respectful silence.
"It's just…" Shinji sighed. "I could've never imagined that he would do such things. Now I feel dirty for having craved his attention. I'm not sure I can truly hate him, though."
"I know the feeling," Misato said. She let out a self-pitiful chuckle. "It seems we all have shit we can blame our fathers for. I mean, look at me and what happened yesterday."
"My father isn't a saint either," Asuka mentioned. "In fact, I haven't spoken with him in months, and I don't look forward to the next time."
"Sorry to hear that." Shinji said, and then dared to smirk a little. "But hey, at least your dad isn't trying to destroy the world."
"Oh, are you trying to compete now, Third?"
They laughed, and so did Misato. The good mood attracted Pen-pen's attention, who came out of his fridge and waddled close to his owner, hoping to get something. He got a can of beer.
"You know," Misato said. "Maybe we're a bunch of messed up people, because our messed-up fathers didn't know any better; but we're making something that they lost. We're not continuing the cycle. That's gotta be a victory, doesn't it? And a victory is cause for celebration."
She stood up, walked to a nearby cupboard and grabbed two glasses, which she left on the table, in front of her wards. Then, she grabbed her beer can and tilted it over…
"What do you think you're doing?" a scandalized Asuka asked. "We're minors!"
"Calm down, drama queen. Look." And Misato poured just a few drops of beer in each glass before. "See? I'm not that irresponsible. Not anymore." She raised her can. "To not making the same mistakes as our stupid dads. How about that?"
Asuka and Shinji exchanged a brief look, nodded, grabbed their glasses and stood up. They toasted. They drank.
Asuka and Shinji ran to the sink to spit the beer.
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AUTHOR'S NOTES:
I hope this one was worth the wait. I feel it's perhaps too much exposition, but I've been planning this one since almost the beginning. We're starting to explore the Eva lore. Remember that, as established in chapter 11, Rei didn't know she was a clone of Lilith in this story. I hope her reaction to the news doesn't feel too weak, it was a late-minute addition because I stupidly forgot my own canon xD My bad.
The toast to shitty dads was most likely inspired by a similar scene in Futures Freak Me Out, one of my favorite fics.
Many thanks to the great SheriffJohnStone, who once again was my beta read despite his busy schedule. Also special thanks to righteous-maximus, author0fntent, randyterros, LDGV, Silvermoonlight GJ, Wing Zero Alchemist, Guillaume Grigna, MagicalMetallurgy, Calborghete, RealRemainder, skyf0x, Lovemichi, deathbringer374, Romulo Nidoking BR, Chucky117 and Withheldwe456 for their feedback and support, and thanks to everyone who follows and subscribes. I'm very happy that so many people liked the last chapter, I think it's one of the best I've written so far, and one of my favorites.
See you in the next chapter! :)
