Chapter Twenty-Nine: Jay
We were always meant to grow up in a happier world than that of our parents. Though they went out of their way to ensure that this happened, there were always elements of their past that made it so that we, too, felt the effects of the war that they had fought in.
Anniversaries, in particular, were difficult. Our parents, of course, made an effort to move on from their mourning in order to live their lives, but there were always things that they could not move past completely.
It was during these periods that our parents lost themselves for a bit. We learned which nights we shouldn't climb into our parents' bed, for their nightmares took precedence over our own, whether they wished for it to be so or not. James and I used to sit at the top of the stairs, watching our parents grieving in the living room until Teddy and Levi came to shepherd us into bed.
Grief, however, was not a constant in our home.
Mum painted our kitchen yellow, despite being teased for the Hufflepuff coloring, because she wanted our home to be a happy one. After periods of mourning, our parents would abruptly call us downstairs for a dance party or a late-night trip to the ice cream parlor. We were always reminded that life was too short to be sad all of the time, though it was okay to feel whatever we might.
Dad told us that a life spent in misery was a life wasted, even if circumstances seem to require such a mood at the time. For the first eighteen years of his life (or what he could remember of it, anyways), the happiest he could ever recall being was when he and mum dated during his sixth year. He told us regularly that he always regretted not allowing himself to let go of the weight on his shoulders just a bit to live a little more while he was at Hogwarts. If he could go back and do it over again, he said that he would make more memories with not just Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron, but also Luna, Neville, his roommates, and his Quidditch teams.
"Do not ever," He told me one night while tucking Beaky and I into bed, "Live your life with anything but joy. It doesn't matter how many things are going on in your life. With everything that I went through while I was in Hogwarts, I can truly say that trying a little harder to find happiness when I could would have done nothing but improve my life. If I had asked your mum to Hogsmeade during my fourth year, or spent a few more days at the lake with my friends during my fifth year, I probably still would have defeated Voldemort. I just might have had a few extra things to think about when I cast a patronus, too."
"You're silly, daddy. I don't have to fight Voldemort. You always say that Hogwarts is going to be the best place we've ever been; of course I'll be happy there!" I had responded.
Dad had smiled, kissing me on the forehead. "Of course you will, little bird. Goodnight, Phoenix. I love you."
My dreams that night had been filled with dance parties by the Black Lake and playing Quidditch on the back of Beaky the hippogriff.
The statue was glaring at me, harsh lines of what should have been immobile granite ever so slightly more fierce as I stood before it. It did not seem impressed when I glared back at it.
"I'm just going to guess the password," I told it snippily, folding my arms. "You know that, right? Minnie told me all of her passwords from December through May last year, so I've got a pretty good idea of what sorts of passwords she comes up with. You may as well just let me in now."
The statue that guarded the Headmistress's tower did not opt to let me in, so I stood there for several minutes, throwing random words and phrases at it. Finally, I guessed the correct one (dignity) and stomped up the stone stairs.
I was rather surprised to see Professor Slughorn sitting in front of Minnie's desk. McGonagall seemed startled at my appearance, but Slughorn broke into a jovial smile and leapt up to shake my hand.
"Hi," I said, forcing my voice to come out pleasant as I gripped his hand in mine. I really did like the man, I was just not in the mood. "Sorry to interrupt; I'm a bit early. How was your summer, professor?"
"Just like your grandmother, you are!" The robust man responded cheerfully. "Always punctual, our Lily. My summer was wonderful, thank you for asking! I was able to go out to the Swiss countryside on the hunt for-"
Minnie cleared her throat, her smile seeming far more strained than that of Slytherin's Head of House. "Actually, Miss Potter, you're precisely on time. I'm afraid that Professor Slughorn and I just ran a bit late."
"Oh!" The man exclaimed, still beaming, "Well, I'll get going, but Phoenix, dear girl, you have to come by my office later so that I can tell you about the herbs that I was able to acquire this summer. Our little private lessons with Mr. Weasley are going to be such fun this year!"
I grinned at him, hoping that he couldn't tell how fake it was. It was somehow unsurprising to me that he did not choose to comment on Freddy's Lycanthropy. At least he still wanted him at our extra lessons. "That sounds lovely! I'll make sure to bring Freddy along. He's going to be thrilled!"
After several long minutes of goodbyes, the office was finally quiet.
"Thank Merlin," Minnie mumbled, falling into her seat and rubbing her eyes tiredly. "I wasn't sure how much more of that I could take. That being said, I wasn't aware that we had an appointment, Phoenix."
She glanced up at me, her eyes widening with alarm as she took in my expression. I was holding my Prefect's badge aloft, trying to keep the angry tears that were filling my eyes from spilling down my cheeks.
"You made me Prefect?" I asked her, my voice trembling with the force of my rage. I was absolutely irate, struggling to keep from shouting at her. "Do I not have enough to worry about? Is this a punishment of some sort?"
The portraits on the walls were all yelling at me, undoubtedly thinking me completely disrespectful, but I couldn't find it in myself to care. The pin that was supposed to keep the badge secured to my robes had not been clasped correctly, so it dug into the flesh on the palm of my hand. Minnie stood, her complexion slightly ashy.
"Phoenix, my dear, it's the opposite," She told me, coming around the desk to grip my shoulders. Her expression was as distraught as I felt, which helped to ease the sharp sting of betrayal that had been burning within me since I got my badge. "Were it not for...last year's events...you would have been my first choice for Prefect. You were, in fact, Neville's first choice. I thought it would be a punishment for things beyond your control to not name you Prefect."
The tears were spilling down my face now, and I had to look away from the grey-haired woman while I swiped at my eyes. As I moved, the badge stuck me again, so I irritably re-clasped the pin.
"Minnie, there's no way that I was the top choice. I was in detention every Sunday for most of last year. Everyone knows that I'm constantly pulling pranks," I muttered, not meeting her eyes as I spoke. To lose my badge now would be embarrassing, not to mention look bad, but I was still hoping that she could find a way to do it without any consequences for me.
"Phoenix, on paper, you were only in detention for a few weeks. After that, we told everyone that you were volunteering in the Hospital Wing because I thought that it was unfair to ruin your records over what was truly just unfortunate timing. As for the pranking, we really only catch you and Fred in a prank a few times a year. Besides that, though we know it's you two, we can't prove it. Not to mention, half of the time, the "pranks" that you two pull wouldn't warrant punishment anyways."
"I appreciate it-I really do-but I don't want this. Plus, people are going to bring up the things that I did and call this favoritism. This was a bad idea. I don't have time for this, Minnie!"
McGonagall surprised me by yanking me into a hug, letting me cry into the front of her robes for a long moment. When I was done, she told me, "Phoenix. I'm sorry. Truly, I am. I just can't stand the thought of you being unable to live your life the way that you would have without what happened last year. You have to remember, though I am primarily your Headmistress until you graduate, you are my family, Phoenix. Before we adjusted to Minnie, you called me Gran, if you'll remember. In a parallel timeline where nothing happened to us, you would have been a shoe-in for Prefect. I just can't stand thinking that you don't get to have that now."
I let out a shuddery breath. There would be no getting out of this, I was coming to realize, so I forced myself to accept my fate gracefully. "Thank you."
She rubbed my back for a few minutes, before letting me step back. The portraits on the walls were still shouting, asking her repeatedly what we were talking about, but we continued to ignore them.
"I have to go, before anyone wonders where I am," I told Minnie, flipping the badge over and over in my fingers as I spoke.
She nodded. "I really am sorry that I upset you. I was so busy thinking about what you might have lost because of what happened to us that I forgot to consider the burdens that you now carry."
I watched as she turned around, shaking her head at the portraits. They all seemed disgruntled at her dismissal, but she had explained the need for secrecy to Luna and I last year. Many of the paintings had twin frames elsewhere, and not all of them could keep their mouths shut. There were means to keep them quiet, but she did not want to have to use them unless she had to. Privately, I thought that she might just want an escape from the constant fussing.
"Minnie?"
The woman glanced over her shoulder at me, eyes still soft with sorrow. It seemed only as of late that I had begun to notice the age that showed on the faces of all of the adults that I cared about.
"I love you."
I watched a muscle jump as she clenched her jaw, her eyes reddening and growing shiny. "And I love you."
She turned before I did, her hand coming up to pass over her cheeks as I turned back towards the door to her office, leaving her to smooth things over with the portraits.
As I walked back to the Gryffindor tower, I pinned the badge to the front of my uniform. A group of Hufflepuffs muttered about it as I neared them.
"I heard that she and Fred were chosen. That's got to be favoritism! Those two are the biggest troublemakers Hogwarts has had since the last Weasley twins. The other boy is one of their little friends too," One of the girls whispered heatedly to her friends.
The boy standing beside her rolled his eyes. "Everyone knows that those two never get caught for anything that they would get in trouble for. That's why they're so good at it. Plus, their pranks are normally cool, not mean, so it's not like there would be any reason for the professors to get mad. Remember their Yule prank a few years ago? And they're not twins, Liza. Chill out. My brother has classes with them, and he says that Conner Guin is really responsible, so it's no surprise that he was chosen."
The rest of the group seemed to agree, but the first girl continued to glare at me as I passed her. I wondered if I would have time to prank her later in the week. Somehow, I doubted it.
As it turned out, fifth year was miserable for everyone. After the events of the summer, I had expected my year to be chaotic, but it seemed that everyone had a lot on their plate.
It was, of course, our OWL year. Everyone handled that a bit differently, though most of us had other things to worry about on top of our exams.
James and Roxy still blamed themselves for Freddy's part in the attack on Diagon Alley. We had all taken turns trying to convince them that they hadn't been at fault, but they seemed to be feeding off of one another's guilt. I could hear them whispering about it in the Common Room some evenings, and could only hope that they would eventually transition from unintentionally furthering each other's guilt to reassuring the other that there was nothing that they could have done to prevent what happened.
Freddy, of course, was dealing with having actually been the one affected by the attack. As his first full moon grew closer, he grew more anxious about the entire thing. Even with my assurance that I would be there with him and access to wolfsbane, he dreaded his first transformation. This, on top of Prefect's duties, OWLs, extra classes, the coming war, and his determination to carry on our legacy as pranksters, even if he did so alone, made for a very worn out Freddy.
Lily was also having a rough year. As she was unable to share many details about our trip over the summer with Alice, she soon found her best friend growing slightly distant with her. I knew the blonde well enough to know that she wasn't trying to be cruel, but instead had undoubtedly gotten her feelings hurt by Lily's inability to tell her anything of consequence. Alice had, of course, been invited to help in the Hospital Wing during the school year, so she truly did not understand why she couldn't be told anything about the trip that we had taken to "learn more about healing", particularly when she and Lily had always planned on going into healing together.
Finally, after watching Lily light up when Alice entered the Common Room only to wilt when she was ignored completely, I jumped to my feet.
"Phoe, don't worry about it," Lily mumbled, tapping the end of her quill against her book. Coleen reached across the table, gently wrapping her hand around my sister's wrist with a sympathetic expression. She had little iridescent barrettes shaped like bees in her hair, and I noticed that my sister had one that matched spinning through her ginger locks. I wondered if it was Coleen's attempt to cheer her up. It was obvious to me from the look on Lily's face that it had failed.
I shook my head, following the blonde up the stairs to the dorms. She looked surprised when I ducked into the third year girls' dorm behind her, but just waved me over to her bed, where we tugged the curtains closed.
"The reason that Lily isn't telling you anything about the trip is because something really personal to me happened while we were there. I know that she's dying to tell you what happened, Ali, but she's being a really good sister and keeping my secrets. If you're going to be upset with anyone over the whole thing, it should be me. Every time Lily talks about her future in healing, she talks about the two of you doing it together. You're a very important part of that dream to her," I signed, hoping that I wasn't sharing anything that Lily would rather keep to herself.
Alice flushed slightly. "I am?"
"You are."
She tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, looking a bit shy. "I'm not trying to be a jealous prat or anything. When she came back from the end of the summer I could tell that she was really upset about something and I just wanted to help. She told me no, which was fine, but then…she's been spending more time with Coleen lately and now she has all of these secrets that she's keeping. I don't mind if she has secrets, I just feel like she's been shutting me out and I thought it was because…"
While I hadn't had a clue about Lily's sexual orientation until she told me, I had known Alice's since she was eight. "Lil doesn't care if you like girls, Ali. You know that."
Alice shook her head, her cheeks growing darker. "It's not that I like girls. I like Lily."
"Oh," I said, blinking in slight surprise. "Well, I don't think she'll mind that, either."
Watching me with a small grin, Alice said, "Would you mind asking Lily to come up when you go back down to the Common Room? I think I owe her an apology and maybe an explanation."
When I lifted an eyebrow at her, she offered me a sheepish smile.
"Maybe," She reiterated, the motion a bit sharp as she enunciated the word. I laughed lightly, leaning forward to ruffle her hair before ducking out of her curtains and leaving the dorm with a sweeping glare at the other third year girls.
Lily, despite her insistence that I didn't need to talk to Alice, was giving me a hopeful look as I walked back down the stairs. "Did you fix it?" She asked.
"Yep. Go on up, Sparky. She wants to talk."
I watched the ginger girl bound joyfully up the stairs and hoped that I had been able to help at least one of the people I cared about. Lily was carrying a pretty large burden, and, though it was by her own doing that she had learned about the Falx, I still felt responsible. Coleen held her hand up for a high-five as I passed, looking immensely pleased as she pulled the parchment that my sister had been working on towards her and making notes on it.
Crossing the room to sit beside my boyfriend, I wondered how I should go about telling Jay everything. He had been extremely patient with me, but I knew I needed to tell him soon.
Still, every time I thought about doing it, I was filled with a sense of dread. How do you tell the person that you love that you're going to die?
"What are you working on?" I asked him softly, setting my chin on his upper arm. His hair was ruffled in a way that told me that he had been running his hands through it repeatedly.
Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, Jay pressed a kiss to my brow before responding. "I'm trying to come up with a new formation that lets Lily practice her left swing. Merlin, I'm glad she tried out. Peter leaving could have been a disaster, but Lily and Nikki are brilliant together."
Lily had tried out for the team on the first Saturday of the school year. There had been a good two dozen try-outs, but she had been the obvious shoe-in. After Jay's success last year, we had managed to avoid any grumbling about favoritism, as Gryffindor as a whole seemed to trust him to repeat last year's victory. It was very nice for everyone except Jay himself, who had more pressure on him this year than he had the year before.
I glanced at the Quidditch play that sprawled across Jay's playbook, which had been erased and redrawn so many times that his paper was beginning to tear. The sun was low in the sky, but still shining through the Common Room windows. He had situated himself so as to have a view of the lake, but I doubted that he had looked out the window in some time.
"Come on," I mumbled, grabbing his hand and tugging him to his feet. "Leave the playbook. We're going to go for a walk."
We walked around the lake for a while before settling in beneath our favorite willow tree. Jay humored me while I painted a picture of him laying in the grass, the sun just beginning to dip below the horizon behind him. His eyes drifted closed while I finished the painting, not doing more than flutter slightly in surprise when I leaned over to pepper his face with kisses, a slow, broad smile spreading over his cheeks at the onslaught. When I leaned back, he startled me by lunging into action, grabbing me and tugging me into the grass beside him. He tickled me until I was in tears, throwing his head back as he laughed the wheezing, hitching laugh that I so adored.
When I finally begged for mercy, he flopped onto his back beside me, hand instantly coming up to point at Sirius. I tipped my head sideways to rest against his shoulder as he caught my hand in the air as I did the same thing, pulling it down to press a kiss against my fingers.
"I'm very fond of you," I whispered to Jay.
"I'm very fond of you, too," He responded, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth.
When the chill that had settled in the air became slightly unbearable, I insisted that we go to visit Hagrid. The man was absolutely delighted to see us, making sure that his fire was blazing before he began to make a stew that Grandma had shown him. Though his rock cakes were famously inedible, he had mastered her stew recipe. I sat on the floor beside Fang, letting my head rest on the elderly dog's back while Jay and Hagrid chatted about the thestral population's recent boom in the Forbidden Forest.
While the two worked on chopping vegetables, I stealthily painted a portrait of the two of them by the firelight. Ever since finding out about the prophecy, I had found myself wanting to create more artwork of the people that I loved.
Once the stew was on the fire, we accompanied Hagrid out back to see his garden. He was very proud of how well everything was doing, though he was having a hard time with pest control. One of the ingredients in his favorite repellent had recently become far more difficult to acquire, as overharvesting of the freshwater algae he needed affected the grindylow population of Northern Ireland. He was delighted when I offered to see if Professor Slughorn would show Freddy and I how to make it in our extra lessons, as I knew that the man would be happy to give everything that we made to Hagrid.
The stew wasn't done until late, so Hagrid insisted on walking us back inside after we ate. I managed to convince him not to trouble himself with walking us all the way to our Common Room, as I was a Prefect, and could therefore be out after hours.
I found myself humming a song that I had heard in muggle London while shopping with Aunt Angie and Roxy over the summer. Jay smiled as I began to sway back and forth, using his hand, which was clasped in mine, as a means to balance. Abruptly, he spun me around, laughing when I squealed with surprise.
"What are you doing?" I giggled, trying not to tip over as he twirled me around once again.
He was still laughing, nearly tripping over his own feet as he tugged me into an awkward waltz. "Well, in the shadows between the windows, we're dancing. Then, when we reach the patches of moonlight coming through the windows, I spin you. It's all quite complicated without music, however, so continue our lovely soundtrack, if you please."
We were both breathless with laughter by the time that we reached Cecilia, who let us into the Common Room without asking for the password, content to simply shake her head and smile at us.
"Thank you for today," I told Jay as we trekked down the short passageway back into the Common Room.
"Thank you," He responded. "I had a great time. I love you a lot, Marigold."
"I love you, too," I told him, smiling as he held my face between his hands, my head tipped back to look at him.
Jay kissed me then, his hands entwining with my hair as his lips moved against mine. The feeling of his hands in my hair and his mouth on mine was better than the magic of Magus or flying. It made my head swim, something lovely and warm burning under my skin wherever he touched me. I loved him so much it was dizzying.
He continued kissing me until Roxy let out a loud cough from deeper in the Common Room that told me that someone was probably fixing to stumble upon us. We had only just stepped apart when Coleen and Lily entered the passageway, Ursa hopping wildly between my sister's shoulders and the Ravenclaw's. Both girls began giggling hysterically at our undoubtedly ruffled appearance as they tugged us into the Common Room with them.
We played a game of exploding snap, joined by Roxy, James, Alice, Conner, Freddy, and Nikki as soon as we pulled the cards out. I wasn't sure that it was entirely fair for me to play exploding snap anymore, as the cards burning up in my hands didn't quite have the same effect as it did for anyone else, but it was still fun.
"Do you guys know that Ravenclaw beater?" Rox asked casually as she flicked a card at Nikki.
Nikki laughed as the card blew up, using her foot to nudge Roxy's hand in retaliation.
"Taylor Wren?" Jay clarified. "Or the new one?"
"No, Taylor."
Freddy nodded, trying to send the entire tower toppling into James's lap as he spoke, "Yeah, everyone knows Taylor."
James leapt backwards as the tower collapsed, nearly elbowing Coleen in the gut as he did so. He began apologizing profusely, but she didn't seem overly fussed about it. Across the circle from me, Lily rolled her eyes in my direction, though she was fighting off a smirk. Those two were a touch infuriating, but I knew that Coleen didn't mean any harm by her indecisiveness.
"Does everyone like Taylor?" Roxy asked. Nikki glanced up, her mouth hanging open slightly as she took in what Roxy was asking. Freddy gave his sister a warm smile, nodding at once.
"Yeah," Jay told Roxy, grinning as well. "Everyone loves Taylor. She's really nice."
The girl grinned, her deep brown skin flushing slightly. "Well, good. I've said I'll go to Hogsmeade with her next month."
Nikki let out a squeal, creating a rather large explosion as she dove forward to hug Roxy tightly. "I'm so happy for you! You've had a thing for her since last year! Ugh, imagine having the two of you side by side. It's almost too much pretty in one spot to handle."
Conner laughed, trying to help Jay clean up the scorch marks that the explosion had left in the carpet as he spoke. "I think you could put anyone next to Roxy and it would still be nearly too much pretty to handle."
Roxy giggled, fanning her face with her hands, clearly flustered as we all chimed in with our own agreement.
"Oh, we're hyping up the most beautiful girl at Hogwarts, are we?" Ben asked as he dropped into the spot beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
"Always!" Nikki cooed, leaning into Roxy's side.
Don offered her a smile as he claimed the spot on Jay's other side while Arnold and Jack arranged themselves on the far side of the circle. I quickly waved my wand as Jack leaned forward, causing all of the cards to put themselves up.
"Hey!" Jack whined, offering me a massive pout as he settled back against the carpet.
"Nope," I said sternly, tucking my feet up to the side as I leaned against Ben. "You and exploding snap have no business existing in the same room. We can play dare."
Everyone got very excited at my words. Though we had only been back at school for a few weeks, the year had been incredibly stressful for everyone. After the terrible summer that I had had, I was desperate to enjoy my time at Hogwarts a little bit.
Though I still joined Luna in the Hospital Wing every other week, it was not the same as last year. For starters, we had nothing new to research. I was the only one who really had additional information, and I could not tell them much.
The other two women understood that they could not tell anyone, but they still seemed to struggle with the idea of not preparing for what seemed to be an inevitable war. I soon found myself praying that the gods would visit the women and explain to them why avoiding the war was necessary.
"You know you needn't take this on all by yourself!" Minnie had exclaimed to me in frustration one day. She was only able to join us occasionally, as Alice now volunteered in the wing and would surely ask questions if she came too often.
Making sure that our silencing charm was still in place, for we were supposed to be working on restocking potions while Lily and Alice helped man the front of the wing, I nodded at the Headmistress. "I know, Minnie."
It was a lie. There was no need for anyone else to be deeply involved when my death was inevitable. The untruth earned me a fierce glare from Luna and McGonagall, which I determinedly ignored as I continued organizing my Transfiguration notes.
Still, after a few weeks, I realized that there was, at least, one thing that I could get help with. Once I made the connection, I felt like shaking myself for not telling the other women sooner.
"Death's tool?" Minnie checked, her brow furrowed in confusion. "You're certain that that's as specific as they got?"
I nodded, flipping through the notes that I had written about my conversation with the gods just to be sure. "That's all that I was told. I have to find it. It will be useful when it comes time to defeat Hastings. In fact, I don't think he can be defeated otherwise."
"Death has many tools," Luna mumbled, absently jiggling her foot to a tune that existed only in her head. I eyed the stack of papers that she was precariously balanced on, hoping that they wouldn't topple to the floor at the movement. "In fact, it could be argued that the only real tool of death is death itself."
"Well, wielding death is Hastings' thing, not mine," I muttered, eyes still on the slightly wobbly papers.
"Nothing is yours," Minnie responded at once. "The actual defeating of Corinth Hastings will be done by someone with far more experience in battle than you."
"That would make sense, wouldn't it?" I whispered, making sure that my tone was too soft for the others to hear.
"He who sends children to fight in his wars is no better than the one that he fights," Luna said primly, ignoring the look of slight contempt that McGonagall threw in her direction. It would seem that I wasn't the only one who had issues with Dumbledore.
Still, Minnie and Luna were not sending me to fight their war. The gods were sending me, and I supposed age made very little difference to immortal beings.
I did not bother to withhold my sigh. My eyes were still closed, but I was clearly not in my bed, where I had last remembered being. This would have been a cause for great alarm, were it not for the familiar warmth that burned around me.
"You are never pleased to see me," Medella complained.
I opened my eyes, reaching a hand out to toy with the giant star burning at my side. "To be fair, you've so far told me that I'm going to die, I can't tell very many people about the war that's coming or I'll start it early, and that my only other option is to let my boyfriend take over things for me."
Medella tipped their head to the side. "That is true. We did not share these things with you to be cruel, however. Better you know than not."
"Yes, but I still don't understand why you've chosen me," I whined, though the question had already been answered. It was with no small amount of effort that I resisted stomping my foot for added emphasis. I doubted the god would even understand the sentiment behind the gesture. "There are far better witches and wizards that you could have had complete this task. Perhaps they might have even survived it, too."
"We created your magic for this task, but we did not choose you. This you know. Your magic needed to be the perfect opposite of Corinth Hastings. That being said, you yourself were not hand picked. We did not create the prophecy, we only willed the existence of two such wizards and let you and Jay Wood be born. The prophecies came into existence because of you, not us."
I let out a sigh, opting to contemplate death rather than continue to speak to the god of life. After an extended silence, they spoke again.
"Should you choose to remain with me in the afterlife until Jay Wood joins you, there will be a number of things that you can aid me with that I believe you will enjoy. We will sustain cities and civilization. You will learn a great deal. There is an endless library of information that will be open to you. I do not access it often, for my job is one that never ends, but you may access it as you please."
"You mean there's a library that I can use whenever I want?" I asked, genuinely intrigued by the idea. It took me a moment to remember that I was sulking, which I realized was probably the god's plan. Perhaps they had more experience dealing with mortals than I had previously speculated.
Medella cocked their head at me, the motion just a rippling of the golden silhouette that stood before me. "You enjoy this idea?"
I nodded. "I rather like learning."
"Intriguing. Perhaps a gift is in order. Take it as a sign of…I believe mortals say "good will"? I do not, after all, wish to spend part of eternity with someone who carries such disdain for me," Medella said, though they did not offer me anything to take. "You have asked me about the connection between you and Jay Wood, so perhaps now you will understand it. Also, fear not. I have heard your wishes. Aevum and Medeis will visit Minerva McGonagall and Luna Scamander tonight to give them all of the information that is safe for them to have at this time. They will know much more by morning."
I let out a sigh of pure relief. "Thank you, Medella. That's very, very helpful."
"You are welcome, Phoenix Potter. Do try not to dread my next visit. You're a curious little thing, and we do have part of eternity to spend together. Though I have offered you a place with me until Jay Wood arrives, you both may remain as long as you would like. It will not be all bad."
The next morning, I woke to see a book sitting on my nightstand, golden magic swirling lazily about it. When I moved my hand, the magic spun around me in a joyful swirl before trickling down my sheets to pester Circe. I reached over and picked the book up without leaving my bed.
It was titled Twin Flames.
I shook my head, laughing very softly as I flipped it open to the first page.
If I had to choose, I would have always said that my dominant element was air.
Still.
Fire seemed determined that it would have its way with me.
I was surprised to find that I was a bit nervous to learn more about twin flames. Though Medella had explained that Jay and I's connection was something good, I was still worried that it would be something that I didn't care for. I took a deep breath, forcefully commanding myself to man up, and began to read.
Magic comes from three regions: the heart, the mind, and the soul. The body is a vessel for the three regions, and it is the conductor for the magic contained in those regions, similar to the function of a wand. Every human being contains magic, but, in order for the body to successfully conduct magic, one must have enough magic in all three regions. If there is enough magic in one or two of the regions but not the third, a person will be incapable of being a witch or wizard.
The magic within the three regions is made up in part by the four elements: earth, air, fire, and water. Every person has varying amounts of all of the elements, just as every person has some magic within them. Magic contained within a person that is not dominated by any particular element is known as basic magic.
It is extremely rare for a person to have the same amount of each element and the same amount of basic magic in any of the three regions as another person. If a person's mind contains the same amount of each of the elements and the same amount of basic magic as another human, they will likely find themselves remarkably similar in many ways.
It is even more rare for someone to have the same elemental and basic magic makeup in two of the three regions as another person. Such people will likely find themselves incredibly drawn to each other in one way or another, and will likely display even more similarities than those with only one identical region. Witches and wizards with two identical regions will most likely be matched for power and will share similar skills.
Muggles are capable of having identical regions as well. Muggles who share identical regions with other muggles will most likely find themselves inexplicably drawn to each other. It is possible for a muggle to have one or even two identical regions as a witch or wizard, though it is unlikely that the pair will realize it to be anything of the sort, as witches and wizards can use their magic, while muggles cannot. The two will, therefore, display their magical makeup differently. It is, however, impossible for a muggle and a witch or wizard to have three identical regions, as a muggle will always have at least one region that does not carry enough magic for them to conduct their magic. Muggles also cannot have three identical regions to anyone else, though the reason behind this is unknown.
Historically, there have been no restrictions in gender, age, or origins between those with one or two identical regions. Two females may find themselves with an identical region or a 100 year old wizard may find himself with an identical region to a 4 year old muggle.
All known information on magical makeup comes from spells that were created and utilized by Merlin, though it is suspected that this was influenced by his trip to the magical island of Magus. Much of Merlin's own research was contained in a journal that has unfortunately been lost to time, as have the spells that he used. It is suspected that the spells that he used were only lost recently, as there is information on magical makeup of witches, wizards, and muggles from as late as the 19th century. Fortunately, Merlin's findings have been well documented, though the knowledge of the makeup and origins of magic, as well as who made such discoveries, have become less widely known. It is due to this that there are so many theories as to where magic comes from and why some possess magic while others do not.
It is possible for witches and wizards to have identical amounts of elemental magic and basic magic in all three regions, though the phenomenon is so rare that it is said to only occur once every 500 years, with one major exception. Whether or not this number is accurate remains undetermined, but it is undeniable that such a connection has existed a few times throughout history. Witches and wizards with identical magic are known as Twin Flames. It is said that the founders of Hogwarts each shared at least one identical region with one or more of the other founders, and it is heavily rumored that two of the founders were Twin Flames, though tales of which of the two founders differ throughout history. It is also rumored that Nicolas and Perenelle Flamel are also Twin Flames.
There are more restrictions on Twin Flames than there are on simply sharing one or two identical regions. Twin Flames must be able to conduct their magic, meaning both must be a witch or wizard. Twin Flames must also be no more than ten years different of age. There is only one documented case of Twin Flames occurring in wizards more than five years apart in age. There are, however, no restrictions on gender for Twin Flames.
Every person has a dominant element due to their magic. It is impossible for a person to have more than one dominant element, though the reason for this is unknown, as it is theoretically possible. A person's dominant element is whichever element is the most prominent in their total magic. A person does not have to have more of their dominant element in all three regions than any other element. One may have water as their dominant element, but their mind may be mostly earth magic. It is, however, very unlikely that someone will have a region consisting mostly of an element that is incompatible with their dominant element. For example, someone who is dominated by earth will most likely not have a region that consists mostly of fire magic. A person who is dominated by fire will likely not have any regions dominated by water magic. The most common dominant element for Twin Flames is fire, though the reason for this is unknown.
Twin Flames will likely share certain skills, likes and dislikes, and personality traits, but it is important to note that they are not going to be practically the same person. With Twin Flames, it is entirely possible for one to excel at transfiguration work while the other is dismal at it. Though the magic between the pair will be identical, they will most likely not share genes, upbringing, motivation, or many other factors. The exception for this is with identical twins. Though Twin Flames are remarkably rare in any other instance, it is highly likely magical identical twins will be Twin Flames. It is not, however, guaranteed. Merlin factored out magical identical twins in his statistics, so they are not usually counted when factoring how common Twin Flames are. Though it is fairly common for magical identical twins to be Twin Flames, there are no known cases of magical fraternal twins being Twin Flames.
I closed the book, my mind reeling from the information that I had just read. According to this book, Luna was correct with her theory on magic's origin. I wondered how much information the other two women had been given by the gods.
Later in the evening, I was called to the Headmistress's office. Minnie sat behind her desk, her expression grave. Luna was perched on the edge of the desk, staring blankly into space. All of the portraits were frozen. As I stepped up to stand before the desk, I realized that the gods might have told the other two women more than I would have hoped.
"You were visited by Aevum and Medeis last night," I prompted when both women remained silent.
"We'll find a way around the prophecy," McGonagall responded. My heart sank. "You can fulfill it by breaking free of Hastings' hold over us, and someone else can defeat him from there."
"You know that isn't what it means," I whispered.
"One of the very best and very worst aspects of spoken language is how open to interpretation it is," Luna told me, her gaze suddenly keenly focused on me. "While one might hear one thing, another can hear something completely different. When you do not like the options presented to you by fate, find someone who interprets them differently."
"Perhaps, but I don't think that either of you really do," I responded, wishing that they had been told less so that this wasn't so difficult. "So, for now, we should focus on figuring out what death's tool could be. If, along the way, we find another answer to the prophecy, I will happily accept it. Otherwise, we can't waste our time on that. Too much is at stake to focus on anything but defeating Hastings."
Both women looked eager to disagree, but did not do so verbally. I suspected that they would be spending their free time pondering the prophecy, but there was little that I could do to stop them from doing so, so I simply let them be.
There was once a time when being out after hours at Hogwarts would have been something that desperately excited me. Now, however, it was as tedious as it was unnerving. Each time I passed by a window, I was expecting to see flashes of lights from outside as an attack was led on the castle.
Still, it was part of my duties as Prefect to patrol at night, and I would be doing a lot of it this month. Molly had been passed over as headgirl, which was quickly revealed to be the most inconvenient thing that could have happened to me.
The headgirl, a Hufflepuff named Stevie Cooke, clearly had an issue with me. At the beginning of each month, Cooke had everyone fill out a chart to indicate any nights on which they had prior commitments that would keep them from performing their Prefect duties (the nights before and of Quidditch matches, for example, got anyone on either of the teams playing excused). She also had us indicate any nights that we would prefer not to do rounds, promising to try and keep us from being put on the schedule on those nights. We were required to explain why we absolutely could not patrol, but not why we were requesting off. Freddy had discussed the schedule with McGonagall at the beginning of the year, and she got Luna to write him a note saying that there were certain nights that he would be excused due to medical reasons. Cooke had taken the note with a slightly sour expression, but had told him to indicate those dates in blue, so that she would excuse them. He made sure to pick random, fairly evenly spaced dates in addition to the full moon, so that no one would catch on. I also marked the full moon as a night that I would prefer to have off, as I wanted to be there with Freddy.
When I was put on the rotation for the first full moon in September, I assumed that she had simply been unable to schedule anyone else, or it had been a mix-up. Her rules were that we were allowed to trade shifts however frequently we would like, so long as both people signed off on it. Ben, Molly, Conner, and Don were already on the schedule for the night of the full moon, so I was forced to beg one of Ben's friends in Slytherin to take my shift. He agreed, but he wanted me to take over two of his nights in exchange.
October saw me picking up another full moon shift, much to my irritation. Even more vexing was that all four of the people who would have taken my shift without question were also on the schedule once again. I had indicated that I could not patrol the night of the full moon, as I had asked Minnie for permission to say that I had a late detention with her so that I could ensure that I was with Freddy, so there was no reason that I should be scheduled. So as to protect Freddy's secret, I did the same with two other nights that he had marked as medical excuses. I was also on the schedule for both of those dates.
"Cooke!" I snapped as I caught the headgirl outside of Transfiguration.
"What do you need, Potter?" The girl responded, her voice icy. "I have classes to get to."
"I indicated that I can't perform rounds on the 6th, 14th, or the 22nd," I told her, trying not to sound as frustrated as I was. "You have me on the schedule, but I have detention on those nights."
Cooke shrugged, her expression bored. "That's not my problem. As a Prefect, you shouldn't be in detention in the first place. Either reschedule your detentions or find someone to cover your shifts."
I gaped at her, so angry that I was beyond words. A familiar tingling sensation was building in my fingertips, forcing me to inhale deeply before I lost control of my temper.
Clearly mistaking my attempt at calming down for a sigh, Cooke smirked at me, leaning close to my ear to whisper, "Life's not fun when you rely on favoritism and your famous daddy to get you places, is it? Best prepare for the real world, Potter. People will stop handing you things eventually."
She brushed past me, her shoulder knocking into mine very roughly. I ground my teeth together, feeling heat beginning to gather in my palms. Minnie was looking at me questioningly from within her classroom, but I turned on my heel and walked away.
Ben's friend picked up my shifts once again, but kept his same terms. With an additional three nights to patrol, I found that I was very rapidly reaching a new level of exhaustion.
The night before the full moon, I was struggling to stay awake. I was probably going to have to skip my History of Magic class the next day if I wanted to be able to stay up with Freddy during his transformation. Despite my exhaustion, it took me only seconds to recognize the sounds of footsteps approaching the corridor that I was standing in. I knew that no one was patrolling near me, and it was well after hours, so I was instantly on the defensive.
Max Holland jumped when he rounded the corner and came face to face with my wand. His blonde hair gleamed in the light of my lumos. I hadn't the faintest idea what he was doing out so late, but there was something dancing in his eyes that made my skin crawl. As I stared him down, the boy lifted his hands in the air in the universal sign of surrender.
"Whoa, hey," He said, laughing lightly, something off and unnerving about the sound. Perhaps it was just how it echoed hollowly in the dark corridor, but I wasn't sure. Either way, I didn't see the humor in the situation. "Look, I know it's late and you can take off points, but don't be mad. I was just out here looking for you."
Confused, I did not lower my wand, though I did dim the brilliant light that I was currently shining in his eyes a bit. "Why would you be looking for me? You hate me."
I hadn't interacted with the boy since I had tried to apologize to him while sick before Christmas Break and been vehemently rebuffed. For him to be out looking for me after hours surely meant nothing good.
Holland shook his head, his expression a bit sheepish. "I know I said that, but it's not really true."
"It's definitely true," I argued. "You accused me of cheating on Jay with my cousin and one of my best friends."
"No, that's not what I meant though," He insisted, taking a step closer only to stop short when I lifted my wand higher. I had never noticed how tall Holland was. "I only said those things because I was jealous. It took me some time to get over that, but I thought about it a lot over the summer and I think I'm good now. I came here to explain myself, because I know those things I said came out all wrong."
"How could they have come out wrong? That's literally what you said."
"Look!" Holland shouted, the sudden rage that crossed his face slightly terrifying. I lifted my wand further in the air, watching as his expression immediately smoothed out. "Sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice. I just...you're not getting it, Phoenix. I said those things because I loved you! But I'm good now. I understand why you had everyone shun me and I forgive you for that. I've moved past my feelings for you, so now we can be friends again."
"I…" I was struggling to continue standing my ground. Holland was scaring me. The constant bad feeling that lingered in my gut had reached new heights, and every hair on my arms was standing on end. The effort that it took to keep the magic in my hands under control was nearly painful. "I really think that you should be apologizing to James if you want your friends back."
Holland shook his head violently, his shaggy blonde hair splaying over his forehead and causing deep shadows to fall over his eye sockets. He suddenly looked very unwell, or perhaps a bit unhinged. "No, Phoenix. It's not about James. It's about you."
"You and I were never friends though-"
"YES WE WERE!"
I took a step backwards as Holland lost it, screaming at me so loudly that I could see the veins in his neck and forehead bulge. His fists were clenched at his side, his chest heaving as he panted furiously.
"We were friends," He said again, his voice now scratchy and a touch hoarse. The words were hysterical, the whites of his eyes flashing in the wand light as he stared at me.
"Okay," I whispered, my voice tremulous. "You're right. We were friends."
I could see very few good solutions to my current predicament. With Cooke's current attitude towards me, I could only imagine that hexing Holland and going for help would somehow come back to bite me in the ass. Not to mention, Minnie had enough to worry about, especially now that she knew about the prophecy. If Holland was focused on me, I could handle him.
Holland was nodding, an expression of pure relief crossing his face. I warily took a step forward, reaching out to lay a trembling hand over his elbow. My magic rushed to my fingertips at the touch, but I stamped it down. Lighting him on fire would hardly do me any favors.
"If anyone else catches you out after hours, you'll be in trouble," I told him very softly. "I...I don't want you to get in trouble because you were coming to talk to me. Just do me a favor?"
Holland nodded, his expression eager. "Anything."
"Don't tell anyone that we're friends again, okay?" I asked, wracking my brain to try and come up with a reason that wouldn't set him off again.
Fortunately, he took care of that for me. "Of course I won't. We wouldn't want Jay to get jealous. He'd fly off of his rocker for sure."
I made a noncommittal humming noise in response, which he fortunately accepted as my agreement with his words. Were he less terrifying, his backwards assessment of my boyfriend might be slightly comical.
Holland left quickly after that, turning at the last second to give me a smile that might have just as soon been him simply baring his teeth at me. A shudder ran down my spine as I listened to his footsteps fade, panic overtaking me for a few minutes. I backed up against the wall, letting my feet slide out from underneath me as I sat on the cold stone floor.
After nearly twenty minutes, during which I was very fortunate to avoid anyone else stumbling upon me while doing their rounds, Circe came bounding up to my side. She normally came on every patrol with me, but had been tired from our frequent patrolling and from being woken up by my nightmares nearly every night, so I had talked her into staying behind to sleep tonight. I suspected that she would not be doing so again.
Stretching one hand out to reassure my angry kneazle, I used the other to continue propping my head up. My wand dangled from my fingers, nearly poking me in the eye several times as I tried to spin it absentmindedly.
"It's going to be fine," I assured Circe, ignoring her responding hiss. "I can handle him. I've dealt with worse without help. Everyone else has enough to worry about. I don't need to ask for help."
As I regained my feet, lifting Circe up to curl around my shoulders, I wondered if I was trying to convince her, or myself.
There were only a few people at the Gryffindor table the morning after the full moon, which suited me just fine. Jay was talking about some new tactics that he was planning on implementing at Quidditch practices later in the week. Leaning my head against his upper arm, I ate a bit of porridge, listening intently to him plan.
"Do you think that we should work on helping Lily-"
I tipped my head back to look at Jay as he stopped speaking abruptly. He was staring at the spoon in my hand, a mixed expression of concern and confusion upon his face.
"Marigold, you don't like porridge," He said softly. Pushing the bowl away from me, Jay grabbed a waffle and slid it onto my plate along with some strawberries. When he was finished, he gently tipped my chin up so that he could look at my face. "Are you okay, Phoenix?"
I sighed. "Just tired. It's okay. I'm going to nap later today. Last night was...well, you know."
Jay didn't argue with me, but I could tell from the look on his face that I was going to need to fill him in on something later in the day. He ran his thumb over my lips as he studied my face for a long moment, finally nodding before pressing a kiss to my forehead and directing my attention back to my breakfast.
As the hall began to fill, I managed to coax Jay back into talking about Quidditch. When the scarlet letter fell onto the table before me, smoking slightly at the corners, I didn't feel even the slightest bit of panic. There was no reason for me to be receiving a Howler. I was sure that I got them all the time from random people, but my mail was scanned. No one that could get mail into Hogwarts for me would be sending me a Howler.
Yet, when I turned the envelope over, ignoring the way that people were pointing and whispering, I saw my name printed in scratchy black ink. Throwing Jay a look of slight irritation, to which he responded with one of concern, I yanked the seal away from the parchment.
"I FUCKING MISS YOU BITCH," Came Indi's voice, in a booming tone that had the entire hall turning towards me. A shocked silence fell over the Great Hall as the letter burned up then, its message having been delivered. Another owl flew down before me, holding its leg out expectantly.
Unable to stop myself, I nearly fell sideways off of the bench with the force of the laughter that overtook me. It did nothing to stop the stares and the buzz of gossip that undoubtedly concerned me, but I couldn't withhold the sound. Ducking my head against Jay's upper arm in slight embarrassment, it took me several minutes before I could stop giggling. There were tears leaking from the corners of my eyes when I finally leaned back.
Jay was beaming at me as he held the letter, which he had taken to stop the owl from waiting impatiently before me, out for me to open.
"I love that laugh," He said in an undertone meant only for me. There was no sign that he was embarrassed by my outburst, though James, who I could see sitting further down the table, looked positively mortified.
"I love you," I responded at once, ripping the letter open.
Hello sweets,
I hope you loved my letter. We miss you so much. Rix is driving me nuts. He literally never jokes with me anymore. I think it's because he misses you and Sparky, but I miss you too and you don't see me taking it out on him. Please write to us soon so that he'll stop being moody. I miss your sweet laugh and kicking your ass when we spar! Come back and visit me soon, or I'll randomly show up at your fancy school, just so that I can confirm once and for all that Ilvermorny is better.
You've been warned!
All my love,
Indi
Smiling softly, I tucked the letter into my pocket before unfolding the second letter.
Hello little lass,
We sure have been missing you three on the Diaboli. Circe and Ursa as well. You'll have to come back and sail with us again soon. The crew misses you, the ship misses you, and the island misses you as well. I'm looking forward to helping you find new things to add to that journal of yours.
The entire crew says hello.
Fair seas and best wishes,
Cap
There was a simple sketch of a kraken after the signature that broadened the smile on my face. I added the second letter into my pocket, being sure to do so with great care. There was a spell that I had learned that would encrypt things so that only I could read them, and I was planning on using that spell on the letters before I hung them around my bed. I missed the Diaboli and her crew more than I would have ever thought possible.
The third letter was, surprisingly, the longest of all of them.
Phoenix,
After you left, I made sure to start getting news about your part of the world. We can't get the papers that you have there, but there are means to keep up with what's going on. Rumor has it there's a war brewing there. Cap and the others are worried, but they didn't want to say anything to you about it.
Lily wrote to us a while ago and told us about your cousin. I've been trying to think about what to say to you since then. I know you talked about how Fred is your best friend, so I can only imagine how you must be feeling.
If you ever need anything, we're here for you. Just let us know.
We miss you aboard the ship. Don't let Indi lie to you-I still talk and joke with her just as much as I ever have. I think she just forgets that she spent most of her life with my near-constant silence as her choice in companion. Thank god she's got the monkey.
Everyone has already said it, I'm sure, but please come back to visit us soon. You've got a good presence aboard a ship. The magic liked you, too. Any time you wish to sail, the Diaboli will be available to you.
Best wishes,
Rix
I let out a soft laugh, tucking the letter in my pocket along with the others. Jay was still grinning at me when I turned to look at him. Setting my chin against his upper arm, I gave him a soft smile. His grin faded as I realized that I needed to tell him everything, undoubtedly souring my own cheery countenance.
"I know I owe you an explanation. I've been putting it off because it's nothing pleasant, but you deserve to know what's going on. Can we talk about it tonight, after our classes?" I asked him very softly.
Jay nodded, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear. "Sure we can. Let's go up to my dorm after you get out of Herbology."
"Lovely," I said, attempting to lighten the mood a bit. "I'll be nice and cheerful after that."
Jay chuckled, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
"You two are disgustingly adorable," Nikki said, tossing a napkin at Jay, which I swatted away at once.
"I think that they're sweet," Ben responded, propping his chin up in his hands as he looked at me with an expression of pure affection. "Look at our little bug, looking all happy. Perhaps you need more Jay-time, sweet little bug. Seems to me like that smile has been missing as of late, no?"
He was fishing, which did not surprise me in the slightest. "Perhaps I'm just saddened to have joined the dismal ranks of the Hogwarts Prefects. Just think, I've become the very thing that I've sought to destroy-order!"
Everyone laughed as Ben and Don both pretended to be offended, while Jay and Nikki offered to help me come up with ways to lose my badge.
"Excuse me," Freddy said, taking on a tone of mock offense as he sank into the seat next to me. I immediately began preparing a cup of tea for him, knowing that he was probably sore and feeling unwell. Luna wanted him to stay in the Hospital Wing the day after the moon, but he wanted to minimize suspicion as much as possible. People were, after all, once again whispering about werewolves in the same fearful tone as they apparently used to use. "If anyone should be helping her come up with ways to get tossed out as a Prefect, it ought to be me."
Before anyone could respond, a girl appeared over Don's shoulder, staring at Freddy with an oddly expectant look.
"Yes?" Freddy asked, more curt than he would have normally been. Though his transformations were not as bad as they might have been without wolfsbane, he was still miserable after them.
"You're...you're Freddy, right?" She asked, twirling a lock of her ebony hair around her finger as she stared at him.
Everyone turned to look at me, knowing how much I disliked when other people called Fred "Freddy". It was strictly my nickname for him, and we had pranked a lot of people to get that point across to the student population at Hogwarts. Even our family refrained from using the nickname.
"Fred," Freddy responded, looking even less thrilled to be having the conversation than he had before. "Yes. Why do you ask?"
It was obvious to me why the girl was asking, but I could feel no sympathy for her after her next question.
"You're named after your uncle, right?" She asked, batting her eyelashes slightly as though she had said something enticing.
Ben winced, ducking his head slightly as Don hid his face in his hands. Freddy himself was so stunned that he simply blinked a few times, lips parted slightly.
"No," I snapped before Freddy had to formulate a response to the girl's idiotic question. "Freddie Mercury, actually."
She blinked at me, eyes wide with obvious confusion. "Who?"
No one responded. After a few minutes of awkward silence, the girl walked away, looking close to tears. Instantly, the table was abuzz with conversation.
"Why on Earth would your flirting attempts ever include reminding someone that they're named after their father's dead twin brother?" Roxy groaned. "Merlin, that was painful."
Ben, on the other hand, had his sights set on Freddy. "Hey, Fred. Obviously that wasn't a very great contender, but you're a good looking dude. Any reason that you don't ever take anyone up on their interest?"
The look on his face told me that he suspected that Freddy's lycanthropy was the reason for his reluctance to date, and I could tell he was probably angling to try and help smooth out any self-confidence issues that Freddy may have. Though we were still working through my best friend's issues with his new monthly problem, I was grateful that Freddy at least knew that he was just as worthy of love and affection as anyone else. He just wasn't interested in the romantic sort.
"It's not really my thing, if I'm being honest," Freddy admitted with a shrug. I turned to beam at him, proud that he was comfortable enough with that part of his identity to share it with our friends. He looked at me, laughing slightly. "You look like a proud mum at her kid's first little league Quidditch match."
I giggled, letting the side of my head rest on his upper arm, but opted not to reply.
"That makes sense," Ben said with a shrug. "Well, if you ever want platonic snuggles, let me know. I'd be happy to share Don."
"Hey!" Don said, his head snapping around to look at his boyfriend with a slightly indignant expression.
We all dissolved into laughter as he got up, moving to sit on the other side of Nikki while Ben began attempting to apologize through giggles. Freddy seemed very pleased at how easily his admission had gone over, grabbing the tray of bacon and sliding it over to him while everyone else argued over whether Freddie Mercury had been a wizard or not.
For once, the dorm was empty. We were skipping dinner, as I had wanted as much privacy as possible. I waited patiently while Jay cast a silencing charm and stuck the curtains around closed, nerves building in my stomach all the while.
When he finally turned to look at me, I found myself picking at his sheets to avoid his gaze.
"What's going on?" Jay asked me, his voice cautious. Despite his obvious wariness, he sank down onto the bed beside me, tucking a stray lock of my hair behind my ear.
"I…" I stopped, trying to calm my shaking voice. When I had told Freddy, I had simply thrown everything at him at once. I had also skipped over telling him that I was going to die. Freddy had also known for a while that I was keeping things from him and didn't seem to mind. Jay, however, was my partner. Not only had I been keeping things from him, but I had been lying to him. Guilt had me in a vice-like grip, a constriction around my heart that did not lessen when I recalled what exactly, I had been keeping from him.
Absently tracing patterns on the back of my hand, Jay mumbled, "Just tell me, Marigold."
I bit my lip, trying not to cry. This was my mess to clean up. "I'm sorry, Jay. I know that you've been aware for a while that there were some things that I haven't been telling you. There was a reason for that, I swear, but I'm still so sorry for it."
I tugged on the sheets awkwardly, still fighting off tears. Jay flipped my hand around, giving my fingers a gentle squeeze.
"On the night that Hogwarts was attacked by Death Eaters, I didn't hide in the library the entire night," I started off bluntly, forcing myself to lift my head to look at him.
Jay's head snapped up to meet my gaze, eyes wide. "You saw them?"
"They saw me, too," I whispered, unable to keep the tremble out of my voice at the confession. Though I had gotten better at blocking the memory of that night from my mind most of the time, time had done nothing to dull the fear and pain that I had experienced upon my encounter with the Falx.
A strange noise escaped my best friend, a mixture of concern and pain, and he grabbed me by my shoulders. "Did they attack you?"
I let out a small sob. It was like I could feel everything that he was feeling on top of my own rising emotions, and I was anguished at having to say my next words. "Yes. They did. That's not it though."
His hands were shaking. I knew that I was unnecessarily dragging things out, but I was loath to tell him the truth. "Please, Phoenix. Just tell me."
"They weren't Death Eaters, Jay. Not anymore. They're not even human. What do you know about the Falx?"
"No," He said, his eyes wide with horror. I knew going into this that he would know more than anyone else I had talked to about the entire issue, simply because Jay read everything. Still, it didn't prepare me for the blow to the gut that I received at the instant understanding and anguish that I saw in his eyes.
"Minister Hastings controls them. He's trying to take control of death itself right now. If he does that, he'll be able to mark everyone with this spell that binds people to him. When they're marked, they lose free will. They become his slaves, with absolutely no choice or even awareness of what he makes them do."
Jay's grip on my shoulders had grown tighter, but he didn't interrupt. He was so smart. It was why I had been so careful to be sure that he knew absolutely nothing. For each piece of the complex puzzle that had become my life that I showed him, he picked up four.
"We didn't know what he would know," I told him, shaking my head as I waved my hands through the air. "If it was a direct line to our consciousness rather than just control over our physical self and our magic, anyone that we told would be in danger. That's why I didn't tell you sooner."
"Where-" Jay started to ask, his eyes tracing over me as though the mark was going to jump out at him.
"I'll show you in a minute. I have to explain more first."
"There's more?" The despair was growing in his voice.
I reached up, pulling his hands from my shoulders so that I could entwine our fingers. The motion seemed to make him more afraid. The silencing charm around us was one-way, so that we would know if anyone else entered, but there was a crushing silence in the room regardless. Not even a hint of sound trickled up from the Common Room below. For the strangest reason, I felt stifled, like I couldn't quite catch my breath.
"We didn't go to some random island to study healing. Luna had been to Magus in the past, but she didn't really know anything about the curse. We went there this summer to try and find a way to break the curse. That's where we found out that he was trying to control death. He's also adapting the curse; we think that that's why the werewolf attack occurred. If he marked them and could call on just the werewolves, that would have been a good test run. While we were there, I found out that it was safe for me to tell a few people, so long as they didn't say a word to anyone else. This can't leak. Lily came with us this summer because she was spying on me with the cloak and I didn't want to leave her if she was in danger. After the attack on Diagon Alley, I told Freddy a bit because I wanted him to understand why that happened. Obviously, my plan has always been to tell you."
"What about your parents?" Jay asked, his tone suggesting that he thought that telling my parents was obvious, but recognized that I must have a reason for not doing so. "I mean, your dad is head of the Auror department. Wouldn't that be helpful?"
"I'm not allowed to tell him."
"Says who?"
I sighed. This was the part that I was really dreading telling him. "Medella."
He stared at me for a long minute, as though he were waiting for me to tell him that I was joking. Finally, when he realized that I was not joking, he said, "Medella, the god of life? That Medella?"
"That would be the one."
"So you're getting dreams from gods now, in addition to prophetic dreams?" Jay asked, his tone slightly disbelieving. I knew that Jay had a hard time deciding what he believed in. His parents were firm believers of Arthurian legend, but he wasn't quite sure. We could use magic, so he didn't think it was completely outlandish to believe in something, but he couldn't decide what.
"Not exactly," I mumbled, trying not to wince at the word prophetic. "I met Medella. They're a dragon, most of the time."
"You met a god."
"Yes."
There was a waver to Jay's voice that told me that he was doing his best to control his temper. "Phoenix. Do you realize how much danger you were in? If you had died, I wouldn't even have known where you were. I'm not mad at you for keeping secrets; I understand why you couldn't tell me anything, but did you even have a plan if something had gone wrong? Was I just supposed to wonder forever? Maybe you don't get it, Phoenix. I love you. You're it for me. You always have been. I couldn't handle you just disappearing. Do you get that? I mean, I don't even understand why it has to be you that's involved in all of this. Let someone else handle this, for fucks sake."
My jaw was beginning to ache from how I was clenching it to stave off tears as I listened to him ramble. For as angry as he seemed, I could see the shake in his hands and the sheen to his eyes. Jay was fighting off tears, but his points were valid. There was a reason that I couldn't just pass the task off to someone else, but I should have thought about what would happen if I had died in the triangle. If I were in his shoes, the idea of him simply disappearing, of never knowing what had happened to him, was unthinkable.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, and I was so sorry. "You have every right to be mad. From here on out, I'll always make sure to keep you up to speed."
"You haven't answered my other question," He was still angry. "Why do you have to be involved in this?"
"There's a prophecy," I told him in a voice that was nearly nonexistent.
"A prophecy that says what?" Jay asked, his tone almost dangerous sounding. I knew that his rage was not directed at me, but rather because he probably knew to some extent that the prophecy was not going to spell good things for me.
Something in my face must have given me away, for his entire expression shifted.
"No. That's not acceptable," He whispered, his voice shaking. Mum called him protective, but Jay tended to mock his temper when he wasn't angry. He said it was rarely logical, but he couldn't make himself realize that in the minute. For once, however, I thought that his anger may be warranted.
"What's not acceptable?" I asked, my voice oddly hollow.
Jay tore his hands out of mine, once again grasping my shoulders. This time, his gaze burned into mine, his eyes amber in the low lighting.
"You will not die," He commanded. Jay always had been able to read me better than anyone else.
I dropped my gaze from his.
"No!" He yelled, making me grateful that he had remembered the silencing charm. "No, you are not going to fucking die!"
"Jay," I said, my voice strangled.
"I don't give a shit about a stupid prophecy Phoenix! You don't get to die!" He was screaming now, and I finally felt something stirring in me.
"You think that that's what I want?" I yelled back, and everything hurt; my throat, my jaw, and my chest burned with my anguish. "That's the last thing that I want! I want to live; I want to be with you! It's not my choice! It's my life, or everyone else's-there's no choice there!"
"You always get a choice, Phoenix!" He raged, pulling his hands away from my shoulders to rake them through his hair. "Prophecies are only as real as you make them; if you don't put any stock into them then they don't come true! You're choosing to die; you're choosing to leave me!"
"No, I'm not, Jay! Most prophecies don't come out of the mouth of a fucking god-circumstances considered, this one seems pretty inevitable whether I put stock in it or not! I'm choosing between me dying or everyone else becoming a mindless slave to Minister Hastings!"
"You don't know that! For all that you know, you could go and sacrifice yourself and there could have been a thousand other solutions! You're choosing to die because of a stupid prophecy that could have a thousand interpretations! What happened to not being a hero, Phoenix?"
"I'm not choosing to die because of a prophecy, and I'm not trying to be a hero! They told me that the only spell that can stop him from taking control of death itself requires death, and my death is apparently the only one that they'll accept!"
I slammed my hands against the mattress, starting badly when it burst into flames under my palms. My boyfriend swore and put out the sheets, grabbing me and yanking me away from the flame as he did so.
I sat mutely in his arms, my throat burning with both the force that I had been screaming with and the strength of my emotions. Jay began to cry.
"There has to be another solution," He whispered brokenly, his forehead resting against my shoulder, chest hitching against my spine as he held me closer.
"The child of the one who died twice, destined to uphold life in the face of the one who would defy death. She will be death's tool and life's flame, for she will be named for them both. If she completes her task she will face death, and she will have her heart weighed in Orcus," I recited softly.
Jay began to sob in earnest, burying his face in my hair when I spun around so that I could wrap my arms around him. My heart felt like it had been torn to shreds, and I knew that there were tears streaming down my face as well.
When we had both cried ourselves out, we sat in silence. It was a long time before either of us spoke again.
"Orcus is the afterlife, right?" He whispered, his voice oddly gravelly.
"Yeah, it is."
He bit his lip hard enough that I was worried he would draw blood, but didn't say anything else. I ran my thumb over the place where his teeth had snagged his lip until he relaxed his jaw slightly and pressed a kiss to the pad of my finger.
"It doesn't…it doesn't say that you have to die, Phoenix," Jay said, voice so firm that I knew he was partially trying to convince himself.
"It says that I will face death and have my heart weighed," I said, trying to be as gentle as possible.
"But facing death could mean a lot of things," He told me emphatically.
"And having my heart weighed?"
"When does it say that that has to happen right away?"
"Jay-"
My boyfriend's arms waved through the air a touch frantically as he exclaimed, "No, Phoenix, listen. I understand why you interpreted the prophecy the way that you did, I really do, but did they ever actually tell you that you were going to die if you succeeded?"
"No, but Jay, there has to be balance with this sort of thing. Luna wrote about it some in her journal, where she records all of her research, and I saw lots of stuff about it in the texts we read on the island. When there's no balance, bad things happen. That's why I have to be the one to fight Hastings. Because I'm his opposite in all of the ways that matter, as weird as that sounds. If stopping him requires his death, which I really think that it will, it will probably mean I'll need to die too."
"I refuse to accept that," Jay said plainly. "You can interpret that prophecy however you choose. I would never tell you that you were wrong when we don't know anything for sure, but I hope that you'll understand that I can't agree with you. I just can't."
I cupped my hands around his jaw, leaning close to his face. "That's okay, Jay. I know that I can't convince you to think about things differently than you do, nor would I want to. If I am right about the prophecy, though, I wanted you to know that Medella said I can wait with them until you get to the afterlife. So we can make the journey together. Is that okay?"
His smile was soft, his expression one that he only ever wore around me. Pain and worry still flickered behind his pale green eyes, but his love for me outshone everything else. I wished that I could summon all of the magic within me and wrap it around him, shielding him from anything that would cause him pain in this life. Since I could not do that, I would settle for giving up my life to save his. My fate was not as easy for me to accept as I would have hoped, for perhaps I was not as selfless a hero as my father had always been described as being, but the decision to choose him over myself was unthinking.
"Life is too short to love you alone in one. I promise to look for you in the next life," He said, eyes carefully looking into mine as though he could read my thoughts as easily as his own.
I pressed my face against his chest, my eyelashes still damp with tears, but something easing in my chest. "Shakespeare," I observed.
He nodded, hugging me closer to him for a long moment.
"Hey, Phoenix?" Jay asked softly.
"Yeah?"
"I…I don't really want to keep asking you to tell me things tonight, but I have to know."
I leaned back to look at him, the faint feeling of peace that I had been grasping at faltering slightly.
"I don't think it's a bad thing," He hurriedly assured me.
"What is it then?" I asked, tipping my head at him.
He tucked a bit of hair behind my ear. "You're so cute when you do that. I love you so much," He whispered, clearly not ready to answer my question just yet. We both fell into a pregnant silence as he tried to put his thoughts into words. "I just…are we…?"
I knew instantly that his concerns were the same that I had had only a month or so prior. "No," I told him. "It's nothing like what you're thinking. It's old magic. We're something called "twin flames". Basically, our magic is the same. I've got a book about it that you can read. From what I've read though, everyone's magic is different in various small ways. A lot of the theories actually hinge on the elemental magic theories, do you know those?"
Jay nodded, as I had expected him to. "Yeah, basically they all say some variation of the claim that a person's magic is made up of a mixture of earth, air, fire, and water, right?"
"Yeah, that's right. The one that I think makes the most sense is one that says that every person has magic, but you have to have a certain amount of it in your heart, mind, and soul in order to actually display magic. That's why Squibs and muggleborns happen. From there, your magic is a combination of the four elements, with whatever element you have the most of being your dominant element," I explained.
Jay grinned a little, his gaze resting on his scorched sheets. The bubble of pain and anxiety that had been welling in my chest all day long deflated slightly at the sight of his smile. "Three guesses as to what your dominant element is," He said teasingly, though his eyes were still red, his jaw still held a little too tightly.
"Our dominant element," I corrected him.
He frowned. "No, mine is definitely air."
I gave him the best smile that I could offer. "That's what I said too. But the theory that I think makes the most sense states that we're twin flames because we have the exact same amount of magic in our heart, soul, and mind, and the exact same amount of each element in each place.".
"Well, we definitely have a lot of air in us," He said firmly, pouting a bit.
"And not a lot of earth."
He gasped. "That's why we're rubbish at Herbology!"
I giggled. Even now, after telling him the worst thing in my life, he made me laugh. I understood now why the happiest part of my father's life for many years was when he and my mother finally got together, despite the state of their world at that time.
"We were set up by the universe!" He shouted ruefully, dramatically shaking his fist at the ceiling.
"Jay," I said, pulling his attention back to me. "I am so sorry for not telling you sooner. There were a lot of reasons, but it doesn't excuse that I did it. I won't ever keep something like this from you again, unless I absolutely have to."
He cupped my face in his hands. "I won't lie and say that I like that you lied to me for so long about everything. Nor will I lie and tell you that it doesn't sting that you've been keeping secrets. I do understand your reasons for it, though, and with the understanding that it won't happen again unless strictly necessary, I forgive you."
I pressed my mouth to his in a sweet kiss, trying to convey how grateful I was to him. "Thank you," I whispered as we pulled back a hair. "I love you so much, Jay."
"I love you too, Phoenix. So much," He told me, leaning forward and capturing my lips once again. When he pulled back, his expression was one of remorse. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Marigold. I swear that I didn't mean to. Being upset isn't an excuse, but it's all that I've got."
I held his face in my hands the same way that he had just held mine. "Jay, I'm not upset with you for that. You don't ever yell at me. We can absolutely write this off as extenuating circumstances; you were upset about something far out of the domain of what someone should have to rationally deal with. If our situations were reversed, I'd have reacted the same way, plus I yelled back. Don't apologize."
He pulled a face. "I know that it's understandable, but that doesn't make it excusable. I'm still sorry."
With a small smile, I placed a kiss on the tip of his nose. "Well then, I forgive you. Forgive me for yelling at you?"
"Already done," He told me, pulling me into his chest before leaning back against his headboard. I tried not to audibly sigh as a contemplative look arose on his face, cluing me in to the fact that he would be thinking about nothing but the prophecy for the foreseeable future. I couldn't blame him, but I did wish that he didn't have to be burdened with it.
"Here," I said softly, climbing out of the bed so that I could stand beside him. His eyes widened when I grabbed the end of my shirt, his cheeks flushing as I tugged it over my head.
When I was free of my top, I could tell that his eyes had found the massive dragon tattoo that curled around my torso. "Sorry," I told him. "I'll admit that I didn't figure that these would be the circumstances under which I first took off my shirt in front of you, but I wanted you to see the mark."
He nodded, his brow furrowed. "Not really what I was expecting."
"That's because that's from a spell that I did in order to have the magic to defeat Hastings. This is the mark," I said as I spun around, letting him look at my back.
He traced the mark lightly, then turned me back around so that I faced him. "That's more what I was picturing. You know, you've got quite the collection of tattoos, Marigold."
I offered him a small smile, tipping my wrist for him to see the hawk from Circe before turning slightly so that he could see my shoulder.
"The one on my shoulder is the only one that I picked."
He nodded. "Well, with the exception of the one on your back, I rather like them all."
We stood in silence for a moment while I (probably unsuccessfully) attempted to fight off a blush and Jay studied my tattoos.
A funny sort of grin appeared on his face as he lightly ran a finger down my rib cage. "Alright. You're very, very beautiful, Marigold. Maybe you should put your shirt back on now, though. These aren't exactly the circumstances that I had in mind either, after all"
I giggled lightly, obediently tugging my shirt back over my head.
Before I climbed back into the bed, I reached into my bag, finding the two books that I had brought for Jay. I handed them to him as I climbed back into his arms, hoping that I could sneak a nap in while he read.
"These are for you," I told him as I handed him the first book. "This one is about the different theoretical origins of magic. Magus isn't mentioned a ton, but I figured any little bit helps."
Jay's go-to response when something upset or worried him was to read up on it. Knowing that I was coming to break the news to him about everything, I had wanted to make sure that I was prepared with something that may help him feel slightly more in control of the situation.
"This is the book that you read on the train, when you first came to Hogwarts," Jay said absent-mindedly as he thumbed through the book.
My head snapped up to look at him. "How on Earth do you know that? I didn't pull this out until after I was in a compartment with my family."
Jay flushed a deep crimson color, looking as though he regretted speaking without thinking about his words immensely. "Well, after you lot left, Nikki wanted to know who you were, obviously. Once I told her, she insisted that I tell her the entire story, as she had missed the beginning of our conversation. She then determined that we were "meant to be friends", which she obviously wound up being correct about, and she made all four of us walk the train looking for you, so that they would know what you looked like. I swear it wasn't a fangirl thing, she was just determined to make sure that you and I wound up friends. She said it's because she wanted me to have someone else to talk to about Quidditch, since she was the only one I really talked to about the sport before you came to school, and she got sick of it pretty quickly."
I smiled softly at Jay's nervous rambling. "It's okay, Jay. That's honestly kind of sweet, even if she was only trying to pass you off onto me."
He gave me a minute smile before turning his focus on the other book that I held.
"This is the book about twin flames. Medella sent it. I thought that you might like to understand it all a bit better, so I brought this for you."
Jay pressed a kiss to the side of my head. "Thank you, Marigold."
"I know that this isn't what you wanted to hear," I started. Honestly, he was taking the entire thing far, far better than I had expected.
His next words clued me in as to why that was. "I'm going to figure out a way to stop this. Don't worry about that. I know that you have your role that you need to take care of right now, but there has to be a way to do this without you dying. I'll find it."
"Jay-"
He shook his head, something fiercely stubborn blazing in his eyes. I knew instantly that there would be no arguing with him. "I'll figure this out, Phoenix. Just trust me."
The problem was, I knew what the solution was if I wanted to live. It was me or Jay, and I was going to have to keep him in the dark about the second prophecy at any cost, for I would choose him every time.
He settled back against the headboard, tugging me backwards until I was curled into his chest. Tracing patterns absently across his ribcage, I pressed a soft kiss to his sweater, which was one of the ones that I bought him in Magus, as he sniffled softly. The evening slipped by us, with the silence within Jay's bed curtains broken only when he turned a page. Occasionally, his chest would hitch, and I would gently wipe his face free of tears until he would take my hand in his, pressing gentle kisses against my fingers and wrist.
I tried to stay up until he went to bed, but I could feel my eyes growing heavy as the dorm grew darker, soon lit only by the lamp on Jay's bedside table. He stroked my hair with his free hand as I began to drift off, eyes still focused on the book that I had given him.
"I love you," I whispered one more time before I fell asleep.
Jay's voice broke slightly as he whispered, "I love you, too. More than anything, Marigold."
The silence was heavy once again as I drifted off to sleep. In my nightmares that night, Jay told me that he had found a way to save me, grinning at me in triumph even while he bled out beneath my fingertips. The scariest part of the dream was knowing that he would choose that fate easily if he knew that it was an option.
He looked deceptively peaceful when I woke up, the only hint of the evening before lying in the tear tracks dried on his cheeks and in the fact that I had woken up before him. I lay in bed for a while, simply watching him sleep. His lashes were enviably long, brushing his tanned cheeks. There were faint lines marking where his dimples appeared when he smiled, his lips now curved into a soft frown while he slept.
"I love you so much," I whispered to him. He didn't stir as I gently traced a finger through the air beside his cheek. "I would do anything for you, you know."
Jay was still in a realm beyond my reach, eyelids fluttering softly as he dreamt dreams that were hopefully far sweeter than mine had been. Though I had no influence over what he thought about while he slept, I hoped that we existed together in his head in a world where we knew no pain and had no worries past what team we would play for after we left Hogwarts.
Jay is my baby. I hope that you all love him as much as I do.
Thank you as always for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following.
