**This chapter contains dialogue from GA 3x25**
Cristina was almost ready. She was so close to getting her happy ending. A happy ending that made Meredith think she might get it herself someday. Though frankly she shouldn't have her person's happy ending dictate her own life. Still one could say superstition was good and it might win out now. She really hoped it did. She hoped a little kernel of her person's happiness would be passed onto her.
Their day had been somewhat quiet but not quiet enough, as she had had to deal with Adele Webber. Knowing what her mother had been to Richard and also knowing how Adele knew everything certainly made for an awkward situation. There was also the intern exam results, which had been in everyone's head the whole day until they finally got the results. It had been nerve wracking, that wait. However, that was the past. They were in the now, in the almost, and the now was waiting for Cristina to get over her nerves and walk.
"You will get married. Do you hear me, Cristina? We need this. We need you to get your happy ending."
One small pep-talk had been all it took, while Callie and Izzy anxiously watched. One small pep-talk and they were on their way, Cristina more confident and ready. Part of her wondered if giving such a pep-talk was a good idea. She knew how her person felt about Burke but sometimes she wondered. However, it may be sort of late to be wondering whether this would work or not. She pushed everything down and got to moving, making sure the veil and dress didn't catch anywhere.
Despite the doubts Meredith could almost taste their victory, their happy ending. They were seconds away from the door, not even seconds. But before they made it Burke stepped through the threshold and put a damper in their, her, almost...
After the groom disappeared through the doors of the church to the street her person seemed to have gone to a place far away. So far that Meredith could barely reach her. Her face devoid of any sort of expression, Cristina sat holding onto her bouquet while Izzie sat next to her biting her lip. There weren't any words she could say that would make this better. There really was nothing she could do but be her person and take care of the consequences of Burke's actions so that Cristina didn't have to deal with it.
Leaving Izzy in charge and ensuring Cristina understood that she'd be back, Meredith headed for the inside of the chapel. It wasn't that long of a walk but each step cemented her decision, which had actually been brewing for practically the entire day, week. A decision she had been holding off on making until Cristina got married, waiting to see what the outcome would be.
The talk with Derek earlier, if that was what you'd call a talk, further affirmed the decision. She had told him that if he wanted to break up he should. It was cowardly of her, especially knowing she was the one that wanted it all over. She had tried to have him be the one to do it. Hell, after flirting with another woman had been the highlight of his week then by all means he should've ended it. But he hadn't. He had said she was the love of his life. How backwards was that? She had no room to judge herself given that for months she had been sleeping with Addison. For months she had been falling more and more in lo…
No. Nope. She wouldn't let her brain finish with that one. Besides, she was already at the door with her mind made up. She did wonder if she should grab the redhead she had spied earlier by the hand and run off. But no. Why? Because she was a coward. She was a coward and she'd rather leave it all at almost.
It was her last day in Seattle and she was attending a wedding. Cristina and Preston. Somehow the pair worked but at the same time they didn't work at all. She had caught a glimpse of the brunette back at the hospital and frankly she looked more like a porcelain doll, molded to the pleasure of her owner, than the bright young surgeon and confident woman she was. Addison supposed they must love each other. Cristina had to love him to actually want to marry him, knowing the kind of person the brunette was.
It was strange, being at a wedding. It was also quite comical that her last day here was for a wedding and yet somewhat ironic. When she had first arrived it wasn't for a wedding but it was a new beginning for her own relationship. She had come to Seattle to fix her own marriage but had ended up divorced. What's more she had also ended up in love with the woman her ex husband was head over heels for. Not that he had a great way of showing it, as she had witnessed in the past few weeks. When Meredith had needed him he had ran like idiotic child. The blonde had needed him and he had done nothing.
Noticing the way her head was starting to gravitate towards the blonde she decided to focus on her surroundings instead. People were moving about finding their places. Most of the hospital staff present were having the same dilemma she had when trying to figure out where to sit. They knew both the bride and the groom so then which side would they sit at?
Addison was chuckling to herself when someone came to sit next to her. Alex made himself comfortable in the pew after sitting with a soft huff.
"I guess I should congratulate you on passing."
"Thanks. How'd you know?" Alex asked.
"I'm one of your teachers so naturally I was told." She shrugged. It was a lie but he didn't need to know she had hounded Richard for the results, trying to ensure Meredith had passed her intern exam.
"Hmm."
"I've always found it confusing. If you know both the bride and groom, which side do you sit on?" She said, trying to steer the conversation away.
"I just look for the hottest chick in the room and sit next to her." Alex replied slyly while looking ahead.
Addison rolled her eyes and shook her head. Would he ever give it up? She had said no and maybe the part of her that wanted to erase what she felt for Meredith had wanted to but she decided against it. You didn't move on by using someone else. That just wasn't the way and Alex really needed to understand that.
"Stop."
"Wanna ditch the reception, grab a drink instead?"
"Stop it. You don't want me." She replied sternly.
"Maybe I do." He said and there was something else behind his tone aside from the usual amusement.
"No, you don't. You want Ava."
"She's not Ava anymore. She's Rebecca now and I barely know her." He replied and there it was, the bit of pain in his voice coming through loud and clear.
"Look at me." She said turning to look at him but when he didn't she repeated herself. "Look at me." That seemed to do the trick. "You suck. To me, you suck. I kind of… hate you. But Alex, we do not get unlimited chances to have the things we want. And this I know…" she steeled herself for the words she had ignored herself, "nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could've changed your life. And no matter what her name is, she'll always be Ava to you."
Alex looked at her for a long time before a soft smile settled on his face. The gesture surprised her, given who was smiling at her but she found herself smiling back. The young doctor stood and was about to leave when he turned back to her and leaned down close to her ear.
"Aren't you and Mer missing yours?" He asked and kissed her cheek before leaving her.
Addison froze for a few seconds. Alex's words clanged through her and struck deeply at her heart. The pain she was holding at bay threatened to surge out. Her lips quivered and her eyes prickled with tears but taking a deep breath and focusing on the flowers at the altar she managed to calm herself down again.
For a few moments she marveled at her ability to shut down her feelings. It'd certainly come in handy the last few days. It made her feel strong but she wondered if that was real strength or simply cowardice. She was painfully aware that it was the latter but ignorance was bliss, was it not, and she lived to ignore her feelings lately.
Music started and her attention went to the altar where Derek and Burke stood smiling towards the doors. Addison smiled softly to herself. At least someone was getting a happy ending. She supposed if they could then she must be able to attain it some day.
Burke seemed antsy and Addison herself had the urge to look back at the doors, which had yet to open. Cristina was taking her sweet time, that was for sure. Opting to look at her watch, she waited along with everyone else for the sound of the doors but it didn't come. Three full minutes and nothing. She heard movement up front and lifted her gaze to Burke, who was now making his way towards the door then out. Addison followed him with her eyes, as did everyone else, rather confused.
The music gradually softened then stopped while everyone in the chapel waited. Soft murmurs filled the air but no one dared move. Derek looked like he wanted to be anywhere but where he was and a few times Addison stifled her laughter. After long minutes the doors opened, a shuffle up front told Addison the musicians were scrambling to start however that didn't catch anyone's attention.
What had them all entrapped was the young blonde walking down the aisle in a pretty brown dress, with her sparkly eyes, and her head held high. Meredith was the picture of confidence as made her way towards the altar. For a brief moment her baby blue eyes landed on hers when she turned to face everyone. A jolt of electricity ran through Addison but she managed to mask her flinch. The blonde's gaze shifted and she scanned the room. One deep breath and she spoke.
"It's over."
Murmurs and gasps broke out and the confusion intensified. Meredith just stood there and repeated her words. There was a moment when she looked at Derek before she said the same words again. He looked like someone had kicked his puppy. He looked distraught. As if the news had taken him by surprise. Something clicked in Addison as it did in him. They were over. Derek and Meredith were over. Right? That was what it meant. Wasn't it?
Meredith made her way down the steps from the altar and suddenly Addison didn't care about Derek and his sad eyes. All that she cared about was Meredith, who walked with that same confidence she had walking in. Addison held her breath as the blonde stopped beside her. There were tears in her eyes and that pain Addison could see from a mile away shined through them.
"You know," Meredith softly began, "you were, and will always be, my favorite almost."
The smile in the blonde's face as she walked away felt like someone had punched in a hole through Addison's heart. The tears she'd been holding welled up quickly in her eyes. She had felt frozen with Alex's words but Meredith had pretty much taken all of her and left her a little more than an empty husk. Had she heard her right? Had Meredith actually stopped beside her? Was she breathing? Was her heart beating?
It took her a few minutes to regain control of herself and once she did, the sound of people talking and heading for the door invaded her ears. Addison stood quickly, a bit too quickly, grabbed onto the pew to steady herself then began to head for the doors. What did it all mean? Why had Meredith said that? Was she really done with Derek? Could they take their opportunity now? Addison wanted to. She wanted it more than anything. One last time she could open her arms and draw Meredith in. One last time she could throw a line and see if the blonde would bite. One last time she could try. They deserved it. And maybe she was being selfish but maybe she wasn't. Maybe another push was what was needed.
Squeezing her way through the crowd and ignoring people complaining as she did, Addison headed for the doors. There were even more people congregating by the doors just standing there and gossiping. Did they have nothing else to do? Couldn't they move?
It felt like forever but Addison managed to get outside and began to frantically scan her surroundings for the blonde. Panic rose to her chest when she couldn't find Meredith or Cristina or Izzie but then a bit of relief flooded her when she spotted one of her best friends.
"Callie!"
"Some wedding huh? And I'm all dressed up." Callie let out with a pout.
"Where's Mer?" Addison asked, looking around.
"She left with Cristina. Bet they're on their way to the airport."
"But she can't…"
Addison shook her head and turned, heading for the exit. Once outside, she looked over to where she had seen the blonde's jeep parked earlier. Finding the spot now unoccupied unraveled her and she felt the tears streaming down her cheeks. This was useless. Meredith said it was over and maybe that meant everything, not just Derek and Meredith but them, Addison and Meredith. She had said Addison was her favorite almost and maybe that was all they were meant to be, an almost. A fleeting moment in time. Just as all of those moments in the dark, hidden away from prying eyes. Maybe they were meant to be a side story lost in the background. Just a trivial addition to a multitude of life experiences, tucked away in memory. Maybe that was it. And maybe that should be enough. Right?
"Addison!" Callie panted beside her. "What's wrong with you?"
"I missed my chance, is all." Her voice sounded foreign. "No... I don't think I had one."
"Why are you…" Callie's voice died out as if she was trying to bring the pieces together. "You're not leaving because of him?"
It was more a statement than a question and all Addison could do was look at her friend. What was there to say? She could see clearly in Callie's eyes that she had figured it all out.
"Oh, Addison."
"Pathetic, isn't it?" Addison managed a bitter smile, her tears continuing down her cheeks as her friend drew her into a hug.
"No. It isn't."
Wrapping her arms around Callie, Addison let herself cry, ignoring the curious glances and muttering of other people as they walked by. She didn't care about them. Besides, she would be gone in the morning.
"Hey, everything ok?" Richard's voice had her withdrawing and brushing away her tears.
"Yeah, I just made her cry because she's leaving tomorrow." Callie covered quickly while Addison pushed all of her feelings back down.
"Ah… I've told her she shouldn't leave. But no one listens to me."
"Sometimes change is good, Chief."
"I know that but what is she gonna do stuck in an office bored all day?" Richard frowned, making Addison chuckle.
"It's a change, Richard." She grinned regaining her composure. "That's what I want."
"Well, if a big office and less surgical hours is what you want. It can be arranged." He smiled.
"It's decided. I thought you'd already given your blessing." Addison sighed.
"I know. I know, But are you really, really, sure I can't do anything to have you stay? You have the best OB wing after all." He wiggled his brows.
"No. I'm sorry. Please don't make me feel guilty about this." She begged.
"Yeah Chief. This is good for her." Callie added.
"I need this. I need to go. Please."
"Fine." Richard relented. "It's just, I liked having you here, close to me. You're lik—"
"I know. I love you, you know that right?" She interrupted with a smile.
"I know and I love you too." He smiled and pulled her into a side hug. "I still reserve the right to call you back if I need you. Right?"
"Of course. Just as long as it isn't every other week." She chuckled.
"Bahh…" He shook his head and opened another arm for Callie. "Come here, Torres." He said while Callie quickly closed in with a smile. "Some wedding, huh?"
"Yeah." Callie said, giving Addison a look before they pulled away from each other.
"Oh well, Yang can do better." He nodded, agreeing with himself.
"You think?"
"Definitely, Torres. Anyway, how about I take you two to dinner?" He asked before winking. "A see you soon dinner."
"Sure." Addison chuckled while Callie nodded. "But what about Adele?"
"She wanted her sister. Told me to leave." He said, his eyes growing sad.
"I'm sorry." Addison squeezed his shoulder and he quickly shook his head with a smile.
"Hey." Someone else said behind them.
"Derek, hi." Addison smiled.
"You leave tomorrow, right?"
"That's right. My things are already on their way."
"Addie, I really hope you find happiness. I'm sorry I focused so much on myself that I let what we had go. And I'm sorry about everything else." Derek's eyes reflected the pain and guilt he felt and for once since she had arrived at Seattle she could see the genuine apology.
Addison smiled and walked up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry too and I hope you find your happiness as well." Leaning forwards, she kissed his cheek, "bye, Derek."
"Bye, Addie."
He smiled that dreamy smile she had once fallen in love with and then turned to Callie and Richard, giving them a nod before leaving. She watched him go for a while before turning back to the other two with a smile.
"Did you want me to invite him?" Richard quirked a brow.
"No." Addison chuckled. "I think father-daughters dinner is better than exes dinner."
"Sounds good to me." Richard chuckled along.
"Me too." Callie added.
"Let's send you off how you deserve, Addie."
Addison swallowed the lump in her throat as she eyed Meredith's vacated parking spot. "Yes, let's."
Then there were 6? Yeah 6. Ok that took a bit to write but it's ok. Hopefully you guys enjoy the bits of angst. I promise this fic only has a little more pain before… maybe I shouldn't say. Anyway, I may write a little ficlet that's been bugging me next but guess what comes after… oh yeah y'all know it. FFF is the next MC to get an update. I feel like you guys have been asking forever. I do apologize for the wait. But before then, tell me what you think of this one. ツ
