Some things weren't just supposed to happen and this was one of them. Natasha did not get sick. She didn't think she had ever been sick before, not that she could remember. She had a water-down version of Steve's serum running through her veins that gave her a high pain tolerance and made her faster and more agile than the average person but she still wasn't anywhere near Steve's level of enhancement. Yet she had been sure that she couldn't catch something as dumb as a fucking flu. She'd never called in sick for work but she had to, her fever was way too high for her to be driving somewhere.
She blamed fucking Alaska for her flu. It had not only made her spill her deepest secret to Steve, it had also made her fucking sick. It had probably something to do with the fact that Alaska had once belonged to Russia. And Russia only meant problems for her. She blamed that fucker Putin for it. She was only waiting for Fury to finally give her the order to take him out.
She didn't want to call Sitwell and Coulson wasn't her handler anymore. So she dialed Hill's number, figuring the Deputy Director was the least humiliating choice. She picked up after the second ring.
"Yes?"
"It's Romanoff. I can't come to work for a few days." She coughed out, feeling humiliated. "I'm...sick."
"I thought you couldn't get sick." Hill didn't sound gleeful, just surprised.
"Apparently I can." She just wanted to sleep for a week. Or just die. No wonder, Clint was such a baby when he was sick.
"Do you need anything? Do you need a doctor?"
Maybe her fever was causing her to have hallucinations but Hill actually sounded worried.
"I just need sleep."
There was a pause.
"Okay, call if you need anything. Get well soon."
"Thanks."
Natasha hang up and pulled the blankets over her head again. At least the pounding in her head distracted her from the fact that Steve now knew why she was so fucked up. God, why had she told him about Ohio?! At least she'd managed to keep Yelena a secret. She didn't want him to know about her biggest failure, that she had been unable to protect the little girl.
A few hours or days later (time had no meaning anymore) the annoying ringing of her phone woke her up. Ugh. She answered without checking who called.
"What?" She groaned into her phone. She was feeling way too hot and kicked her blanket off but she was too weak and she was still covered. Fuck this flu!
"It's me, Steve." Steve was in London for some Captain America thing, why was he calling her now, she wanted to fucking sleep! "I just got back and Hill told me you were sick. I thought you just wanted a day off but you don't sound so good."
"No shit, Sherlock." She creaked out and he chuckled. Asshole.
"Do you need anything? I can get you medicine from the infirmary. Do you have a fever?"
"I..." She didn't want anyone to fuss over her. No, that wasn't true. She wanted Steve to fuss over her. He had been so good to her when she'd bared her soul to him. She hadn't felt that safe since...since Ohio. And unlike Melina and Alexei, he wasn't going to abandon her. "Yes, I have a fever."
"Okay, I'll get you something for it. I can be at your place in an hour."
She could hear hesitation in his voice. Why? Right, he didn't have her address. No one did besides Clint..
"Natasha, I know you're very private but could you tell me where you live?"
She was weighing her options. If she couldn't trust Steve, she couldn't trust anyone. And she trusted him. She hadn't even told Clint about Ohio. She knew that it meant something that she'd told Steve about it. Something she wasn't ready to acknowledge yet. She coughed her address out and Steve promised to be there soon.
She wanted to go back to sleep but she remembered that she had to hide the drawings and gifts Cooper and Lila had made for her. Clint's family wasn't her secret to share. She got out of bed and every muscle in her body hurt. God, having the flu sucked! She collected everything and hid it in her safe. The innocent drawings were a strong contrast to the guns, fake passports and money she hid there.
She didn't have the strength to walk back to her bed and just plopped down on the couch. No one besides Clint had ever been in this apartment and if she wasn't so sick she would have probably been nervous that Steve would come over.
God, a guy was coming over and she looked like a mess. Her hair was tangled in knots and her face was red and sweaty. She wore the sweater she had stolen from Steve, some old sweatpants and some fuzzy socks Laura had taught her how to knit. The girls in the romcoms she watched always looked cute and put together when a cute guy dropped by. She didn't look like Meg Ryan or Reese Witherspoon at all.
She brushed her hair with her fingers and put it as a messy bun on top of her head. The bathroom was too far away (why did she buy such a big apartment?!) for her weak legs, so she washed her face in the kitchen sink. She found a chap-stick in one of her purses in the hallway and applied it to her lips.
The doorbell suddenly rang. Did it honestly take her one fucking hour for hiding the drawings and making her look as decent as currently possible? She hated being sick!
She stumbled to the door and Steve smiled brightly at her when she finally managed to get it open. Ugh, why did he have to look so good in his jeans and leather jacket? He was caring two shopping bags, what was going on? He'd only wanted to get something for her fever.
"Hey, Nat." He walked into her apartment when she moved to the side to let him in.
"Hi."
God, her throat hurt so much. She was trained to withstand torture but this flu gave her the rest. Thank god she already had a will and everything she owned would go to the Bartons.
"I got you medicine from SHIELD and went to the supermarket. I got everything I could think of that you could need." He gave her his stupid dopey smile again. At least today she could blame the flu for the heart flutter in her chest when he was smiling at her like that.
"Thanks." She said hoarsely and walked back to the couch, it was too exhausting to stand up. She pointed into the direction of the kitchen. "Just leave the bags in the kitchen and I'll deal with it later."
Steve looked like she just said something dumb. What was his problem?
"I'm not going anywhere. I bought everything I need to make you my ma's chicken soup. It helped me countless times and I'm sure it will make you feel better."
He wanted to stay? He shouldn't but she wanted him to stay. She didn't want to be alone. Being sick made her feel out of control and defenseless and Steve calmed her somehow. Nothing was going to happen to her when he was around.
"Okay, thank you."
"It's not like I can catch what you have." He winked and walked to her kitchen. He came back a few minutes later and gave her pills and some syrup.
"You have to take the pills every three hours and the syrup every five." He explained and she nodded. He touched her forehead with his hand. "Oh, Nat, you're burning up."
His hand was warm but against her hot skin it still felt cool and she couldn't stop the moan that left her mouth. Steve blushed and she almost wanted to giggle but she wasn't the type for that.
"Um, I'll go make the soup." He got up and disappeared into her kitchen. She could hear him opening cupboards and drawers but she soon fell asleep.
Steve woke her up with the pills and a glass of water in his hands. She took it and thanked him. He hadn't left her after he'd made the soup but stayed with her. She hid her grin behind the glass.
"Do you want some soup?" He took the glass from her when she was finished and placed it on her coffee table next to a bottle of water. She didn't put that there, he did.
"Yes, please." She wasn't really hungry but she knew she needed to eat. And Steve made her soup! Jesus, he was turning her into a fifteen year old girl.
"Great." He got up and came back with a spoon, a bowl full of steaming soup and some bread. She couldn't smell well because of her stuffed nose but what what she could smell, smelled delicious. She sat up on the couch and placed a pillow on her lap. Steve placed the bowl there and gave her the spoon.
"Thank you, Steve. That's very sweet of you." She smiled and tasted it. "Mm, it's really good! Don't you wanna eat some?"
"Can you even taste anything with your flu?" He laughed and sat down on her armchair. "Nah, I'm good."
It took some time until she finished her soup and Steve stayed by her side the whole time and told her about his trip to London. "That reminds me, I have something for you." He got up and walked to the kitchen and came back with something wrapped in fancy paper. "Here." He took her empty bowl and gave her the gift.
"You didn't have to get me anything, Steve!"
"I know but when I saw it, I had to get it for you."
She got curious and unwrapped her gift. It was a book. Her breath got caught when she took a closer look, it wasn't just a book. Steve had gotten her a first edition of Murder on the Orient Express! She opened it and it was even signed by Agatha Christie. That couldn't have been cheap. She was so touched that he'd remembered that she liked her books.
"Steve, I can't accept this!"
"Of course you can. I got it especially for you." He smiled sheepishly and her heart was hammering against her rib cage. She hoped he couldn't hear it with his enhanced hearing.
"Thank you so much." She smiled back and started to have problems to keep her eyes open. Steve took the book out of her hands and pulled a blanket over her.
"Get some sleep, doll."
"Okay." She mumbled and then she was gone.
She vaguely remembered that Steve woke her up for her syrup and then later for her pills. This time she woke up because she needed to pee. She wasn't on the couch anymore but in her bed. She didn't remember going to bed. The blinds were half closed and she could see that it was dark outside. She looked at the clock, it was 1:04 am. Did she say goodbye to Steve and thanked him again before he left? She really hoped that she had.
She felt a bit better and went to the bathroom. She was washing her hands when she heard a knock on the bathroom door. She went to get her gun hidden under the sink but left it there when she heard Steve's voice.
"You okay, Nat? Do you need anything?"
He was still here? She opened the door and Steve greeted her with a smile. He touched her forehead again. "You feel less hot but let's check to be sure." He suddenly pressed a thermometer gently into her ear and checked her temperature. She didn't own one, he must have bought one for her. God, he was so perfect.
He checked the display and looked satisfied. "Your temperature is sinking." He took her hands and led her back to the bed. "Can I get you anything?"
She shook her head and crawled back under the blankets. "Thank you for staying here."
"You don't have to thank me. There's no place I'd rather be." He kissed her forehead and left her bedroom. She'd never gotten a forehead kiss before, it was very nice.
Steve came back later to give her her medicine and kissed her forehead again before he left the room. She could really get used to this. Having someone taking care of her. No, having Steve taking care of her.
She woke up around 8 the next morning and she felt like her fever was gone. She was still weak and sore but she felt like the worse was over. She walked out of her bedroom and heard her front door close. Did Steve just leave? Without saying goodbye? She was sad but he'd already done more than enough for her. She walked to the living room from which she could see the hallway and Steve was still here! He placed her keys back into her bowl on the dresser and had a shopping bag shouldered.
"Morning." He greeted her with a smile when he saw her. "I borrowed your keys. I hope that was okay. You didn't have much for breakfast. I got you oatmeal. It's easier to eat when you got a sore throat."
He spent the day looking over her and then got her more food. She was feeling something in that moment she'd never felt before. She felt safe. Completely safe, she knew that nothing would happen to her and she could just be herself. She had never felt this secure and content before.
"Thank you, Steve."
"Sit down, I'll make you breakfast. How are you feeling?" He pulled a Vogue and a few other magazines out of his bag. "I didn't know if you read these but I thought I should get you something light to read."
She already had the newest issue of Vogue but he didn't need to know that. "Thanks. You're so sweet to me." Steve blushed and left her alone with her magazines.
She was just reading an article about microblading eyebrows when Steve came back into the living room with a tablet with a bowl, orange juice and flowers on it. He got her fucking flowers. No one had ever gotten her flowers before. Holy shit. She was actually kinda glad that she was sick because otherwise she would have jumped him like a cat in heat. Steve got her flowers!
He placed the tablet on her lap and then went back to get his own breakfast. The oatmeal was really good, he put nuts, fruits and cinnamon in it.
They ate in silence and she couldn't help but lick her spoon because it tasted so good. "A girl could get used to all this pampering." She teased and he blushed.
"Well, maybe I want you to get used to it." He said back and now it was her turn to blush. Was he flirting with her?
"When do they need you back at SHIELD?"
Steve shrugged his shoulders. "I told them I was taking off a few days. They can function without us for a while."
Fury would without a doubt connect the dots and figure that Steve was taking off time because she was sick. And she knew that she should care about that, but right now she couldn't. Right now only she and Steve existed in her apartment and everything outside didn't matter.
"I didn't...I'm not going to tell anyone about what you told me in Alaska. I wanted you to know that."
"I know."
She gave him a little smile. She knew that she could trust him and that he would never tell anyone about the things she confided in him. He returned it and got up to clean up their breakfast. She was getting tired again and fell soon asleep, faintly hearing how Steve was doing the dishes in her kitchen. She woke up to Steve sitting in her arm chair, reading Vogue.
"Are you gonna micro-blade your eyebrows?" She quipped and he looked up from the magazine.
"Ha, I don't think the ink would even stay on my skin." He put the Vogue away. "How are you feeling?"
"Better."
They had Steve's chicken soup for lunch and she asked him if he wanted to watch a movie with her. They ended up on her couch, watching Back to the Future.
Natasha was blaming her flu for what she was going to do next. She scooted closer to Steve and rested her head on his shoulder. She needed to feel close to him, she needed human contact. She feared for a second that he was going to reject her and move away from her, but he surprised her in lifting his arm so she could snuggle against him.
Oh, this was so much more comfortable and nicer than simply resting her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her and she ended up with her hand on his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat underneath her fingertips.
She felt warm, comfy and protected. Steve ran his hand over her arm and she tried her hardest not to purr like a cat.
"Would you go back? If you had the chance like Marty?" She blurted out, her eyes on the movie.
"No." He said immediately. "It was hard at first, but now I like it here. I wouldn't go back even if I could. I feel like my place is here. Like I was always meant to be here." She looked up at him and he didn't look like he was lying. "I'm happy here. I moved on. Everyone else did and I deserve to do the same." His hand moved and he started to play with her hair. "And how could I go back after meeting you? No more jokes about my age?"
"Well, I am pretty hilarious." She grinned at him. "I...I don't want you to go back." She admitted quietly, surprising herself.
"And I don't want to be where you're not." He whispered back.
Natasha knew that things were changing between them, she wasn't an idiot. This was something she'd never experienced before, but she could recognize it.
"I'm scared." She didn't dare to look at Steve, her eyes were on the screen.
"So am I. A little bit. But you can trust me. I trust you."
She nodded against his chest. "I've never done any of this before. Not like this."
His hold on her tightened and she found the courage to look up at him. "Me neither. We'll figure it out together. We have all the time in the world. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."
"Clint and I never were together." She didn't know why, but she felt like Steve had to know that. "It was never like that between us."
"I wondered about that. A lot, to be honest." Steve smiled a little, his cheeks pink. "I'm not pining after Peggy. I need you to know that. Does this mean you feel it too?"
His eyes were so hopeful and he looked so excited that she couldn't lie to him. Even though it would have probably been better. She was going to screw this up, because she was screwed up.
"I...I don't know what I'm doing, but I...I feel differently about you than about anyone else. I know I shouldn't."
Steve kissed her forehead. "Don't talk like that. You deserve to get everything you want."
It sounded too good to be true, but Steve wouldn't lie to her. He was always honest.
Natasha was asleep before the end credits rolled and Steve picked her up to carry her into her bedroom. The couch wasn't really comfortable to sleep on.
He still couldn't believe that they'd actually talked about what was going on between them. He knew that it wouldn't be easy because they both had baggage, but he was so fucking happy that Natasha was starting to open up to him and the idea of them. He would take it slowly, try his hardest not to overwhelm her and already spill that he loved her. He would show her that he was worthy of her.
Natasha had her face buried in his neck and her arms had found their way around his neck, he had to admit that he fucking loved this side of Natasha. He laid her gently onto the mattress and tried to entangle himself from her, but she wouldn't let go of him. He liked it more than he probably should.
"Stay." She whispered into his neck. "Please."
"Of course, sweetheart." He said softly and climbed into the bed with her still wrapped around him. "Get back to sleep."
Natasha snuggled up closer to him,her hand brushing against his and he could feel that she was ice cold. He searched for the blankets to cover them, he hoped that she would be better soon. He had been so worried when Hill had told him that Natasha wasn't at work because she was sick. He'd thought for a second that maybe she'd just wanted a day off, but her voice on the phone had sounded horrible and it had reminded him of his sick days and how there had been times where his ma hadn't been sure that he would make it. His fear had probably been irrational and silly, but he couldn't lose her.
Her cute snoring caused by her flu made Steve grin. God, she was just so perfect. He ran his hand up and down her back and closed his eyes. He hadn't slept last night, staying awake on her couch in case she got worse. He was getting a bit tired and while he could go without sleep for days, sleep was slowly calling to him. He just felt so warm and safe right now here in bed with Natasha sleeping on top of him. She made him feel whole, he hadn't felt this safe and loved since his mother and Bucky.
An elbow into his rib woke him up. He needed a second to remember where he was, he couldn't remember a time when he'd slept that soundly. He knew the reason for his good slumber, he was spooning that reason and said reason had accidentally bumped her elbow into his rib cage. Natasha was still snoring and that adorable sound made him grin like a love-sick idiot.
He chuckled and Natasha stirred. Crap, he didn't want to wake her. She was sick, she needed sleep.
"Huh?" Natasha murmured.
"Go back to sleep, doll." He whispered against the back of her head.
"Okay." She mumbled and seemed to do as she was told. Who would have known that she would only follow his orders without question if she was sick.
Soon Natasha was snoring like a baby bear again and he closed his eyes again. He had to make a quick grocery run soon because Natasha's fridge was basically empty and she needed vitamins to get well, but he figured he could stay here a little longer.
The next time he woke up Natasha wasn't in bed with him anymore. He ran his hand over his face and tried to ignore the pang in his chest. He heard the shower running and sat up. She was still here, he shook his head, of course she was still here. She was sick and living here. He was such an insecure idiot sometimes.
He left Natasha's bed and went into the living room to clean up. He had wanted to do it after he'd carried Nat to bed, but then well he'd slept through the entire afternoon. He was doing the dishes in her kitchen when he heard her walk into the room. He turned around and almost choked on his own saliva, she was just so breathtakingly beautiful. Natasha was wearing a satin pajama and her hair was braided into some kind of fancy braid that he'd seen on other women before but he had no idea what it was called. She looked so soft and like home.
"How are you feeling?"
"Much better. Thank you." She smiled shyly. "Thank you for being here."
"You don't need to thank me for that." He shook his head. "I told you. I'll always be there for you. You can always count on me."
She gave a little nod. "I'm starting to see that."
"So, I'm going-" He started and Natasha's face fell. "What's wrong, doll?"
"You're leaving, of course. I've kept you here for too long."
"No, I'm not going home. I'm going to the supermarket. I already wrote down a few things, but I wanted to know what else you want."
"Oh." Natasha's face flushed and he didn't think it was because of her flu. She wanted him to stay here with her! "I...No, I don't need anything."
"Okay." He dried off his hands and walked over to Natasha. "I'll be quick." He kissed her temple without thinking.
He borrowed her keys again and drove to the nearest supermarket. He put different kinds of fruit into his basket, eggs and other ingredients for a frittata (frittata being one of the few dishes he could cook), juice and a box of the chocolate truffles he'd once spotted on Natasha's desk in her office. He'd seen a Chinese restaurant on his way to the store and decided to get them something for dinner from there. He paid for his groceries and drove to the restaurant, ordering enough to feed a family, but he needed more food than the average person and he wanted Natasha to have options to chose from.
It wasn't really easy to get all that food with his Harley to Natasha's place but he managed to get back to her without losing anything. He was walking up the stairs to her apartment when he heard her voice coming from her place. He knew that eavesdropping was wrong, but what if she was calling for help because her condition got worse?
"I'm scared, Laura."
It sounded like Natasha was on the phone because he didn't hear the answer. Who was Laura?
"I've never felt like this before. It's so different and what if I fuck it up? He deserves so much better."
Were they talking about him?
"I know, Laura. But shouldn't I put him over what I want?" Natasha chuckled and there was a long pause. "I get it. Give Coop and Lila kisses from me. Bye."
Steve waited another minute until he continued to walk up the stairs so Natasha wouldn't figure out that he'd eavesdropped on her call.
Had she talked about him, did she think he was too good for her? She was too good for him! She was everything he wanted in a woman and what could he offer her in return? PTSD and a constant target on her back because he was Captain America. He knew that any woman he was dating would be in danger just because of who he was and while Natasha was extremely dangerous on her own, he was still worried that something could happen to her just because he loved her and someone wanted to use her to get to him.
He unlocked her door and tossed the keys back into the bowl on her dresser in the hallway.
"Nat, sweetheart?"
God, the endearments just kept slipping from his mouth.
"In the kitchen! I'm making tea, you want some?"
"Yes, please!"
He walked into the kitchen and Natasha was filling a tea kettle with water. This whole scene of domesticity was making his chest ache. This was what he wanted. Coming home to Natasha and sharing his life with her. He just wanted a normal relationship with all the things that may seemed boring to other people, but excited him.
She smiled at him. "Hi."
"Hey."
"It smells good, what do you got in there?"
"Our dinner."
He unpacked his bags and showed her what he'd brought. Natasha thanked him and tried to pay him, but he wasn't having any of that. He refused her money and told her that he was setting the table. Natasha came into the living room, carrying two mugs of steaming tea, and joined him on the couch. They watched the sequel of Back to the Future and Steve ate the majority of the food, but Natasha kept stealing food from his plate after declaring that she was full. She gave him a grin every time her chop sticks stole something from his plate.
"Are...are you gonna stay the night again?"
"Do you want me to?" Steve asked carefully. He would love to stay another night, but he didn't want to push her. Natasha simply nodded. "Then I'll stay."
"Clint has some stuff here for when he's in town. You're welcome to use it."
That sentence would have driven him crazy if Natasha hadn't told him that she and Clint had never been together. He believed her.
"Thank you."
Natasha showed him where everything was and left him alone to take a shower and afterwards he changed into a wife beater and sweats that were a bit too small for him, but better than nothing and he didn't want the sweater back that Natasha had stolen from him. In fact he wanted her to wear more of his clothes, like his shirt after they had sex. Okay, Rogers, calm the fuck down.
He left the bathroom and found Natasha trying to change the sheets of her bed, but it still seemed too tiring for her.
"Let me."
"I hate this fucking flu!" Natasha grunted, moving aside, and he took over. "I feel so pathetic."
"I used to feel like that way whenever I was sick, felt like a burden to my ma. You've been only sick once, Nat. You're not pathetic. People get sick sometimes."
"Says the guy who can't get sick."
"Says the guy who was always sick before the serum." He chuckled and fluffed out the pillows. "Okay, bed's ready. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Where are you going?"
"To the couch."
Natasha shook her head. "No. We'll share the bed. It's big enough for two. I don't want you to sleep on the couch."
"I'm okay with sleeping on the couch." He said, offering her an out if she was just trying to be polite.
"Well, I'm not. We're both sleeping in this bed, Steve."
Steve waited until Natasha was settled and then lied down on the empty side of the bed. He was itching to reach out to her, but Natasha had only invited him to sleep in her bed, not to touch her. And she was also sick and he couldn't take advantage of her.
"No one...no one has ever taken care of me like that." She suddenly whispered into the dark. "Thank you, Steve. It means a lot to me."
"You mean a lot to me." He said truthfully, hoping he wasn't going to scare her with his confession.
The sheets moved and Natasha pressed a kiss to his cheek. He assumed that she would go back to her side of the bed, but she surprised him. She rested her head on his chest and wrapped an arm around his rib cage.
"This okay?"
His heart was hammering in his chest and he was afraid that she could hear it.
"Very."
"Good night, Steve."
"Good night, doll."
