chapter 3
vi
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.
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It was worth all the bullshit. A view like this. So high up, that the clouds drifted down below. It felt like a good enough reason to stay. To endure it.
Finding Ekko wasn't hard. He always drifted towards nature without realizing, attracted to the sun and the fresh air.
The only thing that could disturb this moment was someone slamming the back door open. Hasty footsteps descended down the stairs, and Ekko knew it was Vi without even looking. At this point, it was impossible not to.
She stopped beside him to look at the same view, but wasn't nearly as sentimental about it.
Her collar was pulled way too tight, and she had a twitch in her jaw that Ekko hadn't seen since they were kids. The same twitch she got whenever she stole something and wondered if anybody saw.
He almost asked her plain if she did steal something. Not that he really would have cared, so long as she didn't get caught. But Vi broke the silence first.
In the worst way possible.
"...We don't have like, HR in this place, right?"
The air that cycled through Pewter's gym was stale and distinctly undercity. The owner was someone Ekko knew. An old man with the means to buy the equipment, but never really enough health to use it. The perks of being a trencher.
Vi was surprised he showed her the place. Considering how they worked together, then went home together, then slept ten feet apart, only to wake up and do it all over again; it was rare for Ekko to have any real personal time of his own.
It meant a lot to Vi that he was willing to show her this place, to share it with her, as opposed to using it as some haven to escape to.
It meant he wasn't completely sick of her, yet. Which was good. More than good.
Although now, maybe he was beginning to regret it.
"Caitlyn fucking Kiramman?"
The name slipped. She didn't really expect him to know her, but apparently Cupcake's reputation preceded her.
Ekko was pissed. She could tell by the way he moved his feet. He always had a balanced pace to all of his routines: Never too much, never too hurried. Unlike Vi, who had no routine at all.
He paced the ring with an itch in his foot. The same way he used to move when they were kids, and all they did was run for a living.
"Uh huh."
He paused, as if waiting for Vi to crack. "And you?"
And me, right. Because surely this was a fucking joke.
Vi busied herself with her handwraps, and that was all the answer he needed.
"...Why?"
The garage they were in suddenly seemed quiet, even though it was just the two of them there. A rat scurried by, and Vi sneered.
"You mean how'd someone like me manage to land her?"
"I mean, you didn't land her. No way. Right?"
"Not everyone is tired of seeing my fucking face, Ekko. Try to have a little imagination."
He would deny that accusation if he wanted to. Two quick jabs rocked the punching bag instead. Vi closed her eyes to the vibrations, head pressed against the rubber. It was oddly soothing.
"And she came on to me, by the way."
Hit.
"I mean, after I hit on her first."
Hit, hit.
"Once or twice."
Hit, hit, kick.
"And…maybe after a few drinks, too."
No hit. No kick. Just Ekko's sleazy grin that appeared around the bag. "So she was drunk, too. Great."
His punches eased up, because now it all made sense.
"She wasn't drunk, fuck off. She was buzzed. Barely. Don't give me that look," she jabbed a finger at him, "We both know we've done way worse at the Last Drop."
Another fact Ekko couldn't deny. Not when their first night together once Vi got her freedom was now nothing but a blur of shimmer shots and loose lips.
"Yeah but that's the Last Drop, everyone gets fucked up there," He stopped to rest against the bag, and to give Vi a look he knew she hated most. The one that forced her to think critically about whatever he said next. "You got somebody's daughter up against that pristine wall."
A Councilor's daughter. A Kiramman, but he didn't say that. He didn't have to.
The thing was, Vi didn't give a shit about who she was supposed to be. Caitlyn wasn't like everybody else in that room. She was different. Real.
It just felt impossible to explain all this without also sounding completely fucking whipped.
"Well it wasn't a big deal, we barely hooked up. Heat of the moment." She wanted to finish the conversation there, but that description didn't feel like enough. Like it did Caitlyn justice. "And she's not like dumb, you know. She knows what she's doing."
Ekko tossed her a look that Vi wanted to wipe off his face. With her fist.
"Exactly," he attempted. "You know what Pilties are like. Sure they'll have their fun with you, but when it comes to it…"
The words drifted when Ekko looked to see if Vi was listening. She was. Only her gaze was stuck to the floor, and she wasn't holding his punching bag very well.
"I just mean, it's not exactly like she's the one at risk, if you two get caught." He picked up the pace again. Something to distract her. "I'm sure she knows it, too."
It wasn't like that, Vi wanted to argue.
At the same time, she couldn't deny that Caitlyn probably didn't even think twice about what Vi stood to lose. Considering the position they were in, getting fired on the spot would've been generous. She'd be lucky if her parents didn't press charges for taking advantage of little miss Kiramman, all drunk and flush against her, too innocent to know better. No one would give a shit about the specifics. And considering Vi's criminal record, no one would ask.
Vi fucked up. She shouldn't have taken the bait.
Even though it was perfect, and hot, and everything she ever wanted.
Ekko took a break to leave Vi to her thoughts. And her fists.
After a few throws, all her old blisters started splitting open beneath her handwraps, but that rarely bothered her. She was just happy to have a bag to hit. Stillwater never had any, just concrete walls and steel bars. Her knuckles never quite recovered from that period of her life. They bled too easily now.
It seemed fitting. Every shitty decision Vi made always came back to bite her.
She wouldn't be surprised if Caitlyn ended up being another one. If it was all an act; another Piltie so bored with her life that all she did was play mind-games and ruin lives. Sneaking girls through bedroom windows, and down empty hallways- just to take what she needed.
The thought of Caitlyn playing her like that should hurt. It didn't.
Vi didn't really give enough of a shit about herself to be offended by it. Whatever objectification Ekko warned of went up and over her head.
This kind of treatment wasn't anything new. Vi knew she had a certain look. She knew some people wanted the experience.
If she had any respect for herself, a self-serving play like that would be anything but impressive. Definitely not a little hot. In a masochistic kind of way.
But, this all sounded too cruel. Vi dismissed the thoughts.
Caitlyn was sweet. Tasted even fucking better. Didn't mean Vi had to trust her. She didn't trust anyone, hadn't for years. She swore a long time ago she would not be fooled or fucked over, especially not by someone right in front of her face.
All she could do for the rest of the day was search her memories of that night. The way Caitlyn had looked at her. How seemingly perfect that moment happened. Her thighs, her lips, her soft dark hair falling all over her cheek. That god awful sound she let slip when her brain just stopped working.
Vi might have had her up against the wall, but she was not the one in control of that moment.
It was all backwards. It frightened her. It thrilled her. It was only ten seconds.
What would Caitlyn do to her with ten minutes? Twenty?
What about a whole night?
It ended up being a banquet for House Medarda. It took two days to prepare. They preferred their gold in the form of confetti, chalices, even the chairs they sat on. It worked well with the darkness of the room. The tables and curtains were a black velvet, brightened by candles and glittering silverware.
Vi didn't feel allowed to touch anything. Sevika would probably tie her hands by her side just to resist her natural urge to pick up, get a feel, and put it down. It felt too quiet in here, too intimate. There wouldn't be a single misunderstood word all night long. Maybe that was the point.
Not too much else was known about House Medarda, other than their deep and inviting conversation. It was very friendly with House Talis, something Vi only knew because it was her dragging those tables across the room, so they could sit next to each other.
And everyone knew since House Talis was there, that meant House Kiramman was invited too.
Vi was stuck in the basement for most of it. Stocking and restocking, against her will. She could hear the thunderous feet upstairs.
Ekko was probably making their entire rent in tips at this point. Meanwhile Vi's only contribution would be the dead roaches caught in her shoe.
This wouldn't do. Not for tonight.
Vi had somewhere to be.
She watched the basement door. It was all she could do. If she had learned anything from being inside, it was that you didn't wait for opportunities, you made them.
Sevika eventually came down to refill her ice bucket. She always expected to find Vi slacking off, but rarely ever did. Like most people, for some fucking reason, she simply expected the worst of her.
"You know it's surprising how much work gets done when there's no one distracting everyone upstairs," she mused, waving around a cigar she had lit.
"Oh come on, I know you miss me up there."
Sevika snorted.
Vi stood from her spot by the freezer, a mess of bolts and gears. "Anyways, got the shelves topped off. Freezer's full. Dates on everything."
Sevika dug through the ice bin without a word. Then turned to the shelves. The walk-in freezer. The keg storage. She turned back to Vi, noting how she lingered by the door. Ready to bolt.
"Looks good," She kicked the ice bin shut. "But we already have too many people on the floor, upstairs."
Oh, bullshit. "Seriously? I can't wash dishes or something? I have to stay down here?"
The basement was cramped, wet, and smelled of sewage. It reminded Vi of her old prison cell, and she could tell Sevika knew that. She knew Vi hated it.
"Believe it or not, I was doing you a favor keeping you down here. Could've just sent your ass home for the night. Save a few bucks, since we're overstaffed."
"Oh? My hero."
Sevika turned away and Vi made quick work of the hoses, leaning ever slightly by the freezer door. One hard little twist and water spat from some unknown corner. Both of them flinched and jumped.
"Oh what the fuck, Vi?" Sevika blurted.
"I was just standing here!"
Sevika cursed and tangled herself by the hoses. The water smelled disgusting. Like kitchen grease and spoiled meat.
Vi watched her struggle from a safe distance. Sevika hissed at her.
"Go get a fucking kitchen guy to come down here! Now!"
Vi left, without a word. She climbed the stairs with a small smile and peeked her head into the reception hall.
Most tables were seated, on the second or third course of their meal. Not too late in the evening.
House Kiramman had a lively air. The room was too dark to make out most faces, but she knew the one she wanted to see.
Cupcake looked good, despite the shadows obscuring the view. She had her hair tied low behind her neck, and another strappy dress that exposed her back. It was just a glance, but it would have to do.
Vi was more interested in someone else.
Whoever that random kid was pouring their drinks. Fiery hair and freckles. She eyed him through the crowd as he disappeared behind the bar, and popped up again with a couple boxes stacked high. He left through the staff doors, unaware of the shadow that followed him.
The hallway was quiet. Vi paced behind him, a safe distance, and watched the sway in his steps.
It wouldn't take much. He was all skin and bones. What was his name again?
"Yo Brett," The words made him flinch. "What's up man?"
He didn't stop his trek, but slowed to let her catch up.
"Vi, hey," he greeted, "It's uh, Brandt. The hell you been?"
"Ah, stuck with the sump-rats. Basement duty. I must look like a trencher or something. Hey, you need a hand?"
The boxes wobbled as Vi shot a hand out. He wheezed, going red. "Nah, nah. It's just around the corner–"
"You sure? I got a good arm. Gimme one," Vi skipped ahead of him, strolling on her heels. Glassware clattered somewhere inside the cardboard.
Brandt stumbled as he side-stepped, a weak grin on his lips. "Seriously, it's cool, I got it."
The kitchen doors neared. Brandt made the mistake of eyeing them.
"You sure?"
One step, two, and a swipe of a boot, and all went tumbling down.
Vi would laugh if it wasn't so pathetic. He stumbled and spun and did a whole dance. Brandt and his boxes exploded into broken glass and bubbling fizz. He landed hard on his shoulder, too stunned to make a noise.
Vi leaned on her knees. "Hey, I tried, man."
The kitchen doors burst open. Men in aprons came as soon as they heard the crash. They surrounded Brandt as he writhed in soda water, asking where it hurt, if he could get to his feet. Vi caught an elbow, in the chaos.
"Hey, Sevika needed you downstairs," she pressed. "Something about the waterline leaking?"
"What?" the linecook whipped back to Brandt on the floor, "Like right now?"
"Yeah like now. I'll show you, come on." She pulled his arm, but he didn't budge. "He's fine, come on."
Brandt looked anything but fine, but he followed Vi anyways.
Few cuts, a bruise. He'd survive. For now, Vi had somewhere to be.
The linecook grabbed a few buddies and hurried down the stairs behind Vi. They found Sevika trying to catch murky water with a bucket and a mop.
"Fucking finally, what took so long?"
She narrowed that gaze at Vi, despite her efforts to look completely clueless. The linecook stepped up, a hand in between them.
"One of your boys took a tumble upstairs. I would go check on him before he files worker's comp," He warned, then nodded to where water spat all over their shoes. "We got this, go ahead."
Sevika rolled her eyes. She shoved the mop in Vi's gut on her way out.
It took five minutes of bickering for the kitchen guys to finally turn their eye so Vi could twist the pipe back into place. It took another ten for Sevika to return. She lingered in the doorway at the top of the staircase, with a bitter press of her lips.
"...All good up there, boss?"
The look on her face said no, fuck you. But Vi ignored that.
"Be upstairs with your vest on in five," she demanded. "You got tables to take over."
Vi nodded, without a word. The door closed.
Huh.
She didn't really expect that to work outside of Stillwater.
Vi sprinted up the stairs with a swell in her chest.
It took a while for her to catch up on Brandt's tables. He had more than just House Kiramman, and all of them were impatient to call her over.
Caitlyn was talking more than she usually did, but Vi was too far away to hear about what. Every few moments her lips would return to that dismissive scowl, the one Vi knew all too well.
This time, she might have an actual remedy for that.
Vi grabbed a bottle of wine before approaching the table. She took the long way around, just to glance at the back of Caitlyn's dress. It must've taken ages for someone to tie her up. And she never really expected Cupcake to be as fit as she was. The straps looked tight around her shoulders, snug around the curve of her back. She wondered what one little tug would do to the whole thing. If it would unravel as easily as it looked.
Jayce Talis waved for a refill first. Vi allowed it. She had seen his face on enough glittering billboards to know who he was.
Caitlyn was too busy talking to even notice Vi by her side. Her accent drifted into earshot, willing Vi to listen.
"...but it's so much more complicated than that, isn't it? Look at the facts-"
Someone across the table cut her off, with a boisterous laugh, and she slumped back in her chair. Nails pressed into the grooves of an empty wine glass, ready to shatter it.
Vi couldn't resist it. The thought of covering that hand with her own, guiding that same glass below the table. Caitlyn went very still, as the wine poured. Her neck tilted to the familiar handwraps, just in line of view. But she couldn't look up. Not with her mother right there, watching her.
"What were you saying, dear?" Cassandra repeated. All eyes went back to her.
Vi continued on, with a smile and a small greeting. It was worth it all, right then. The way Caitlyn gazed at her from across the table, all bright-eyed and breathless. The same way Vi had left her the last time; backed against that wall, skin flushed red, and those eyes only wanting more.
"It's just, uh," Caitlyn paused, with a breathy laugh. "I was saying...that, uh. I think every government should be…self-critical. Whether it's our enforcement, or the undercity's. It shouldn't matter."
As Vi made her rounds, she caught Caitlyn in a way she hadn't before. The way she spoke, the way she held herself. Even something as simple as her cheekbones, seemed sharpened by the dim light.
It never occurred to Vi how regal Caitlyn made herself to be. It seemed so natural for her. Even though she sneered at these politicians every chance she got, she never hid anything on her face. She didn't have to. Not when she looked like the one who belonged here, not them.
"Let's be realistic about this, Caitlyn. Their enforcement isn't nearly the same as ours. What they need down there is organization. A system, a structure."
Caitlyn snorted, but no one else laughed. "And our enforcement is the only way they could possibly achieve that?"
Her mother raised a hand, as though that was all she needed to prove her point.
Vi found herself amused at the fact that these were the people in charge of everything. The ones who wrote every law, funded every war, and made every decision. With a drink in one hand, and a flick of the other.
"And what would you know about what the undercity needs? What would any of us?"
"Caitlyn," Cassandra warned.
"What?" She smiled, but it was impatient. She waved her glass around, "I just think it's interesting how you all constantly like to discuss the undercity and their problems, without ever actually having someone from the undercity there to say anything about it. Kind of just…runs us in little circles, doesn't it?"
A silence fell over the table that felt like a challenge. Jayce swallowed a large sip of wine.
Cassandra would be proud of her daughter, if she wasn't so pissed off. Like Caitlyn, she tapped a sharp nail on the edge of her glass. Suddenly she smiled, as though she just finished a thought. "What about this one, then?"
It sounded so innocent, Vi didn't think to look up. It wasn't until she finished her pour that she found everyone's eyes on her. Taking in every inch. Even Caitlyn, as stiff as she was in her seat.
"You're from the undercity, aren't you?" Cassandra continued, slowly, with a sip of champagne.
Vi resisted every fight or flight urge in her body. She forced her shoulders straight. Unafraid.
"That's right."
"And?" Cassandra pressed, "Don't pretend you weren't listening. We all know you were. It's okay."
"Mother."
It wasn't a tone heard often from Caitlyn. Something dark. Something Vi didn't understand.
"What? I thought you wanted a real opinion," She summoned Vi closer, with the same big eyes that Caitlyn had. It unnerved her. "Someone from the undercity must understand all their own imperfections. As we do here. Right?"
Vi didn't reply. It seemed Caitlyn's mother already knew what she wanted to be said.
"You don't think offering more involvement with the enforcers would help alleviate some of the crime, the injustices, done to your people?" she attempted, "Surely it wouldn't fix all problems, but it must bring some order, right?"
Vi laughed, a sharp and stilted thing, because she didn't know what else to do. She scratched her nose and repeated the question, just to make sure she heard it right, "You're asking me if I think the undercity...needs more enforcers?"
Only some of the guests seemed to remember what happened ten years ago. The riots. The blood. The day Vi never forgot. No one spoke a word. No one dared.
"We don't have to talk about this," came a deep, raspy voice. An older woman, seated right next to Caitlyn.
Cassandra waved a hand. "Let her speak, Grayson."
It took everything not to lose it. Not to break something. Not to get right up in each of their faces, and scare them the way they wanted her to. They wanted so badly to be right about her, about all of them.
Instead, Vi breathed in. She stuck a tongue in her cheek, just to keep her words in check.
"Well, it was enforcers who killed my parents. So, no. I think we would have been just fine, without their involvement."
It was all eyes, all on her. She couldn't stand it. Their faces, their thoughts. Their blissful fucking ignorance. At least the old woman had enough shame to look pissed.
It was just one glance to Caitlyn's face, the ruined expression she simply couldn't hide. It was enough. The humiliation seized Vi in ways she hadn't felt in a long, long time. The way her throat closed. The way she wanted to run and hide, like the trencher she was. But she couldn't.
She had to stay, and fill Cassandra's glass.
"Terribly sorry to hear. Thank you," she murmured, after a long moment. She took a sip, and before Vi could think of some excuse to leave, Cassandra chimed in again. As though her point wasn't quite proven. "See, Caitlyn? Makes you think twice about signing up, doesn't it?"
The bottle nearly slipped. Vi had made a point not to look at Caitlyn during this whole exchange, but she couldn't resist. Not when she just fucking heard that.
Caitlyn was already looking at Vi when her head snapped up. Her hands gripped her seat like she was seconds from jumping out of it. Maybe it was the sound that slipped her lips, or the look Vi gave her, but she sunk back into that chair like she could disappear in it.
It felt like hours. Vi needed hours, just staring at Caitlyn. Just to get some fucking clue about who she was. Because obviously, Vi was so wrong it was funny.
All she did for the past week and a half was wonder about who she really was. All she did was defend her from Ekko and his accusations, and this whole time it was worse than she thought. Because really, Vi should have seen this coming.
She saw who Caitlyn surrounded herself with, the company she kept, the bullshit they spewed. Why did she think a few complaints here and there made her so different? Why did she expect so much more from her?
Vi had never felt so stupid. Not like this.
Caitlyn's mouth dropped open, as if she had anything to say. Those two little teeth. All this, and still Vi couldn't look away from them.
"Well, she'll be a better officer than most," Grayson suddenly intervened, as if it could salvage this moment. "A finer one than me, for sure."
It was after a hand touched Caitlyn's shoulder, comforting her, that Vi had to look away. She just turned and went. There was nothing left to say anymore.
Nothing that wouldn't get her fired.
Vi didn't plan on returning to House Kiramman for the rest of the night, but she was still very much their servant. No one asked her any more questions. No one looked. She was as invisible as the day she started. Vi didn't mind it.
Sevika found out about Brandt. And Cassandra. She yelled for twenty minutes straight, and then told Vi she was staying late to help clean up.
So first you steal Brandt's table, and then you go fuck it up?
If only she really knew.
Vi didn't fight it. She didn't care to. The kitchen guys were nice to hang around with anyways. They reminded her of a few inmates she lost touch with. Guys she would probably never see again. They offered her smokes because she looked sad. Vi told them to fuck off, and then followed them out back anyways.
They stayed out there till past closing, once all the work was done. The sun set and Vi wished Ekko could have seen it.
He got to go home early, because he wasn't a piece of shit who tripped sixteen-year-olds.
What a waste of a day.
The door kicked open, and Vi was sure it was going to be Sevika again, pissed that she was still sitting around. It wasn't.
Sevika went home hours ago. Everyone did, other than the skeleton staff still mopping the kitchen.
Caitlyn appeared from the darkness, and Vi willed against the urge to stand.
She still had her hair tied back, though a few strands had come loose. Still in that dress that cost more than Vi's entire life. Still pretty, without even trying. It made her sigh.
"Oh, um. Hi. Sorry, I didn't know you were uh. On break."
The posh accent attracted a few eyes. The kitchen guys all leaned to see who it was, then glanced at Vi. She waved a hand at them as she stood, as though Caitlyn was nothing but some trouble to deal with.
Vi finished her smoke, then stubbed it against the wall. A few extra seconds she used to prepare herself, because the last thing she needed right now was more of this shit.
"What are you doing here, Caitlyn?"
She stopped at the foot of the stairs as that name slipped. Like Vi was never really supposed to use it. Not like that.
For a second she waited for Vi to go on, or to yell at her, or tell her to go home. Nothing came.
She lifted a foot to take a step, then set it back down. "I wanted to apologize. Personally. For my mother. How she treated you."
The words came out practiced. Probably rehearsed on her way here, however she got here. Vi fell against the wall, because she knew this was going to be long. The defense of mommy dearest.
"But also for my behavior. I shouldn't have— Well I should've— No, she wouldn't have if I didn't—" She shook her head, like it was coming out all wrong. "Um."
Caitlyn didn't stutter. She always knew what to say, the exact way to say it. It wasn't like her.
The thought of Vi making her nervous always did things to her. Things she enjoyed, things she wanted. Now it felt more like punishment, something she didn't quite mind either.
"It was wrong. All of it. Using you like some...ugh. Just to make a point. " The words came bitter, pointed, and harsh. Like this conversation was meant for someone else.
Vi had seen Caitlyn annoyed before, but never angry. Not really. It worked differently on her.
She was all fists and frenzied. Whatever furious thoughts she had only fueled her, riling herself more and more. And then, poof.
All gone, in one deep breath. Her eyes closed and the thoughts disappeared. It was too intriguing not to watch. To not to search all of Caitlyn's features, because that could never be Vi.
Her anger had to be ripped from her. With claws, teeth, and blood.
"I'm sorry," she finally blurted.
Vi nearly laughed at how simple it was. After all that. "Yeah?"
A few steps closer. "Yes. I'm so sorry, Vi."
She didn't look at Caitlyn, not when she was right there. Her feet seemed more interesting. More safe.
To her credit, Caitlyn waited. She didn't go on and on with excuses, she knew there were none. Her fingers played with the edge of her dress. All the nails were chewed off.
Vi was never good with words. She didn't know what she was feeling. She didn't know what to say. She was so over this already. She said the only thing that was on her mind, since Caitlyn even stumbled through that door.
"...Did you follow me out here?"
Caitlyn blinked, like that was the last question she was expecting. "What?"
A finger pointed to the door. "It's closed off, the whole place. How'd you get in here?"
Caitlyn grimaced, those two teeth peeking out. "That's all you have to say?"
A shrug. "Just asking."
"I—"
The smile clued her in. Vi couldn't help it. Caitlyn sputtered all over again, incredulous.
"Did you break in here?"
"I came here because I felt bad—
"You should," Vi snorted. "That was fucked up in there, Cupcake."
Caitlyn sighed heavily, the guilt clenching her shoulders all over again. She hit the wall with defeat. Her nail, usually so sharp and polished, went between her teeth.
"I know. I think she…knows about us," Caitlyn admitted.
Us. The ten second us. Which somehow meant everything and nothing at all. It was funny how eight hours ago Vi was wondering if Caitlyn was using her. Turns out she was worried about the wrong Kiramman.
"Well not knows. Not really," Caitlyn went on. "But she was already pissed at me all night long, and then you came along. And she's never been cruel, not really, but she gets around all these other Councilors and just—" A click of her tongue. "She's just such a coward sometimes. It makes me furious."
"Well, if you wanted to piss her off," Vi waved a hand to herself. An offering. Do with me what you will.
Caitlyn didn't seem to like that implication. "I have plenty of ways of disappointing my mother. You're not— you were just…" she paused, for the right words. "You were just something I wanted on my own."
It shouldn't surprise Vi. She knew Caitlyn wanted her, but to actually hear it. To know it wasn't some accident, or a stab at someone else. It settled something, a roiling she didn't even notice had been there.
It still didn't mean anything. This was all just common courtesy, as Caitlyn put it. But it felt nice.
"Well thanks, Cupcake." Vi turned towards her fully, still leaned against the wall. "I mean you didn't have to bust down the door just to see me, but—"
A hand slapped her shoulder. Vi could watch that frown dissolve into a smile any day. "Shut up," she laughed. "Let's not flatter ourselves. The door was already open."
"So you did break in? At this hour? Caitlyn Kiramman," Vi tsked, "What will your mother say?"
Another raised hand turned into a finger, pointed at Vi's nose. She smirked like she knew better. "Oh, you just want me to hit you again, because you like it."
Vi fought every urge not to bite that finger. Something about Caitlyn always made her thoughts go feral.
"Respectfully," she added.
"Respectfully," Vi scoffed, with a push off the wall. "Respectfully, how about you move that ass inside, then?"
Before I make you. She waved her hands, herding Caitlyn like sheep up the stairs.
"Oh. Taking me on a tour, then? Without all the lovely dumpsters?" she winked. "You spoil me."
The reception hall was shut down already. It had taken Vi and five other guys just to remove the black velvet curtains. The windows reached the ceiling, and the ceiling reached the sky. Moonlight poured in a generous amount of light. The room was big and empty, even a little eerie, with how quiet it was.
"Wow. It's so different in here at night."
Caitlyn trailed ahead to take in the space. Vi stayed behind her, more interested in a different view. "Mhm."
The tables were still out. Caitlyn weaved between them, lost in her thoughts. Vi followed her, but from a distance. It didn't feel right closing in on her as she always did, because there was still something burning in the back of Vi's mind.
"Can I ask you something?"
At this, Caitlyn turned. She had drifted towards her own table, probably imagining herself there.
Vi didn't want another reason to fight. She was fucking tired of it tonight. But it was something she had to know. Something she had to hear for herself.
She forced the words out, even though they stung. "...An enforcer? Really?"
Caitlyn stiffened. Even from far away, Vi could see the press of her lips. How she crossed her arms and leaned against the table. Caging herself in. Ready to defend.
"I mean," Vi lingered closer. She couldn't help her smile of disbelief, not that she found any of this very funny. There were no words to explain how sick the thought made her- Cupcake all dolled up in that god-awful enforcer uniform. She just stuck a finger in her mouth and gagged.
Caitlyn rolled her eyes.
"I mean, why?" Vi asked. It sounded desperate. Urgent.
"Why?" she countered. "For the exact reason you just did that at the mere mention of them. That's why."
Vi scoffed. Or let out some kind of noise to let Caitlyn know she was still displeased. She toed her boot into the carpet, but only looked at Caitlyn's heels, right in front of her.
"Well great," She would laugh, if her voice didn't crack. "Not only are you a Piltie, but a cop too." Her hands fisted without her realizing. Caitlyn only leaned closer. "You just love making this hard for me, huh?"
Two soft hands found Vi's, wrenching the fingers apart. She brought them to rest on her lap. "Well, I'm only challenging your mind a bit," she smiled. "As you've done to mine."
Her thumbs grazed over Vi's knuckles. The redness seeping through the fabric. She always had the most peculiar look when she noticed the gauze lining her arms. Not quite concerned, but curious.
A little press on an old wound was a welcome pain. It reminded Vi to breathe.
"Why do you wear these?" she questioned. Like it was all she ever wondered about.
Vi couldn't resist the sigh. Too sweet, as always.
"Not everyone is as nice as you, Cupcake."
Caitlyn's eyes lit up, and Vi wondered what she would say if she really knew.
She couldn't count the teeth she's bashed in. She couldn't remember the faces, they've all blurred into one at this point. She's been spilling blood since she was old enough to know how to. All without a single sympathetic thought.
There was no way Caitlyn had seen any of the violence Vi was so used to. It left a bad taste in her mouth; the possibility that Caitlyn could one day find her as frightening as all her other victims. Caitlyn had spine, she knew that. But was it enough?
"Quite troublesome, aren't you?" she said. It came off as more than question. Those big eyes, looking up at her. Tell me more.
It took a long moment for Vi to debate it.
"When they ask for it," was all she said.
Caitlyn held back a sigh. The disappointment went ignored.
She could get her up against a wall, but she still couldn't get her mouth to open. About anything.
Not without her mother forcing it out of her.
"Vi," she began, not knowing where it might go, "About what you said. Earlier. Your parents."
There was a twitch in Caitlyn's lap. A pull, resisted.
"I know it's not my place. It won't ever be. But I want you to know, I'm not joining the force to be one of them. For the power trip of it. I'm doing it because…your story isn't unlike others I've heard. And with my status, and Jayce backing me, I really think there's something I can do."
Vi couldn't resist the itch anymore. She pulled her hands away.
"My mother was wrong, what she said about the undercity. It doesn't need more of a system that's already failed them. It needs healing."
The words kept flowing, but Caitlyn could read whether they connected with Vi. She wasn't looking at her.
"And also," she attempted, "I've been considered to be pretty good at solving things. As well as an excellent shot," she went on. These were all things she was offering about herself. Things she wanted Vi to know.
As noble as it sounded, Vi just didn't believe in pretty words and rhetoric. Pilties have been giving their sympathies for years and years, yet nothing ever changes.
Just because Caitlyn saw through her own privilege, it didn't mean she still didn't have it. Or intended to use it, as she plainly said.
All of this, it only made Vi wonder if Caitlyn saw her as some wounded thing to be saved. Another undercity problem she needed to fix.
Something touched Vi's cheek and she grimaced away from it. It was Caitlyn's hand. Hovering.
"What's going on?" she asked, quietly. "What are you thinking?"
Vi closed her eyes. Just to make sense of it all.
She wasn't broken. Sometimes she felt like it, but she wasn't. She didn't need to be fixed, and she surely didn't need Caitlyn's sorrowful gaze doing it either.
This all had gone off track. Massively.
Vi did a once-over at herself. Here she was, with everything she ever wanted right in front of her. Cupcake pressed to a table, inches away from her face. Wanting to close it in.
Why was she resisting? Why did everything have to be a fight? It was so simple.
This was nothing but an overdue exchange.
Two people with needs, and finally enough time to see it through. None of this other shit was needed. All the apologies, and the little looks. The fucking politics. She didn't want to hear it anymore.
Caitlyn just had too many manners to see what she really wanted: A service, only Vi could provide. This wasn't anything new.
All Vi had to do was open her eyes, and finish it.
Her hand was still waiting, patiently, for Vi's cheek to return. Vi pushed it away.
She went for those long legs instead, dragging her up and on to the table. Caitlyn was too stunned to make a noise.
Vi was the one with height now, and Caitlyn couldn't focus on anything. Her lips, her eyes, the hands that planted on either side of her face. The way her thumbs swiped under her eyes, fluttering them closed, as Vi pulled her in.
She had wondered if it would feel like the first kiss every time. Just as starved and wet as when Vi first laid hands on her. Like she had nothing to lose, and everything to prove.
The heat of it got to Caitlyn. She shivered. Her thighs trembled, wanting to press closed. Everything in her told her to just surrender, because Vi's lips were so warm and soft, she wouldn't mind them anywhere.
But Caitlyn knew better than that. It took both of her hands laying flat on Vi's chest to will her away. Not that it really stopped her— those lips only trailed down, searing kisses over her cheek, her jaw, finally biting the flesh of her neck.
Caitlyn resisted every gasp. Only small, harsh breaths were allowed. "I want to see you," she sighed.
The demand went ignored. Not when Vi now made work of her neck, hands grasping for skin, clothes, anything else left exposed.
Another hard press on her chest, and Caitlyn tore those lips away. Vi seemed annoyed, but then felt a familiar tug on her collar.
It was Caitlyn's fingers, wrapped around the knot in her tie.
"I want to see you," she repeated. She barely had her voice back, but it was still as bossy as Vi remembered. Her hand didn't move. She waited for some response, nose lifting, daring her to try and refuse.
No reply. Vi looked at her like she was crazy. Caitlyn spoke again, more clearly, "Are you going to stay still for me?"
Vi scoffed, until the first tug. Then she went very still.
Caitlyn's hands moved around the tie slowly and with much practice. Over and under and through, until the fabric slid and dropped to the floor.
It took everything in Vi not to move. She didn't know why she was listening. Just that her heart was hammering beneath the first button of her shirt, and she was sure Caitlyn could feel it when she reached for it.
She undid the first. The second. The third...
As she got lower and lower, Vi didn't get why she felt as though she couldn't breathe. Like there was a weight in her hands and feet. Like there was a hand squeezing her heart...
Maybe it was because all of this was starting to feel...different. Off. Like a mistake, maybe.
Something seized Vi, throughout that moment, and she refused to call it fear. When Caitlyn's nails finally slipped the shirt from her shoulders, and let it sink to the floor. When Vi was left in nothing but some flimsy fabric to cover her chest.
She realized she didn't want Caitlyn to see her.
She didn't want her hands tracing every inch, finding every fuck-up or regret Vi had marred into her skin. She didn't want the look on her face once she realized that Vi was already as wounded as the night made her out to be.
Vi would close her eyes, but she promised herself she never would.
She could only watch as Caitlyn's lips found the underside of her ribs. Soft, gentle strokes of her hands, feeling every ridge of her stomach. Across scar tissue and muscle and very rarely, skin that was untouched. Her lips pressed down again as she found those spots. It felt like an apology.
Everything in Vi clenched, taut.
"Relax," the words brushed over her navel. Warm, inviting. Safe. Her nose had followed the path down to her belt, and carefully went back up. A hand wrapped around the buckle, but she didn't pull. She looked up first, asking for permission.
Vi didn't remember nodding yes. She remembered wanting to. She also recalled every bone in her body telling her to call it. To stop it all right there.
But nothing happening right now was in her control.
The buckle unclasped, slowly. Then the button to her pants. The zipper.
Her pants didn't fall, but loosened around her waist. Enough to give Caitlyn room to touch the waistband to her shorts. Vi shifted closer, without thinking. Something brushed along the column of her throat and she found Caitlyn's nose, closing in on her jaw.
Her hand disappeared below, and all Vi could do was wait. It started with just a graze, still over her shorts. Then moved to tiny circles, pressing down.
Three months and fourteen days, since someone touched her like this. Since Stillwater released that grip on her.
Something tore from Vi. Some breath, tense and impatient. Her hand grasped Caitlyn's wrist, willing it further. Just to get on with it.
Lips found her ear, ghosted with a smile, "Wait," she promised.
"Just," a tight squeeze on her hand, urging. It didn't stop her pace. Nor the arm that circled Vi's waist, bringing them closer.
"Wait," was all that passed her lips, over and over. Every time some noise passed between them.
She was going torturously slow. There was another hard tug on Caitlyn's hand, but it only made her devious enough to stop completely. Vi couldn't think. Her hands raced under Caitlyn's dress and grasped both sides of her underwear. Caitlyn's hands were quicker to stop that line of thought. She pinned those hands down, firm.
Vi suddenly found the will to move, thrilled at the gasp she earned. Her words were hot against Caitlyn's mouth, "Why don't you turn around for me?"
She could do it. She could give Caitlyn what she wanted. But it had to be her way, and this wasn't it.
Caitlyn slid off the table with their hands still grasped tight, careful not to let them wander. "Why don't you stop moving," she countered, "and let me finish?"
She picked up right where she left off, only this time her hand disappeared beneath her shorts. She moved as she always did, with clear, firm intent. Her fingers were no different. They found the exact spot that had Vi's hand clenching around her wrist, her face buried against her neck. She was so wet already, ready for more, but Caitlyn could make this last.
She wanted to see Vi ruined, and Vi feared nothing more.
She'd been embarrassed enough for one day.
One more attempt to reach under Caitlyn's dress, to at least make this mutual, or distract herself, but Caitlyn tore that hand away with nails in her wrist. There was something desperate that slipped, another noise Vi regretted instantly because that accent was back, breathing warmth and laughter into her ear.
She bent closer, her words low, and raspy, tinged with delight. "Stop trying that or I'll have to cuff you down," she warned.
The movement of Vi's hips slowed to a stop. Her head raised from Caitlyn's shoulder and fell against her temple. There was a second where Vi's heart stopped. When they just looked at each other. When a single thought occurred- one Vi couldn't take back.
Nails drifted from from her wrist, up the shape of her arms, only to rest on her lips again. Cupcake wanted another kiss. But she didn't lean in.
She wanted Vi to do it. To give her something soft, and sweet, all these things that were so unlike her. Even with her hand pressed so deep that Vi could barely breathe-
It would start something she wouldn't be able to stop. If this went on. It was in her bones. She could feel the heat building up in her, ready to bring her to her knees. She didn't know when she became like this. So lost of any control- over herself, over Caitlyn. This whole fucking situation. It was maddening.
It wouldn't do.
With one deep sigh, Vi pulled Caitlyn's hand from her pants. A strong fist, closed around her fingers.
And just like that, everything stopped.
"Fuck," She didn't even recognize her own voice. "I can't do this."
Caitlyn didn't seem to catch up. Her smile dropped hesitantly, like Vi was going to crack a joke any second. "What?"
There was a twitch, or a shake of Vi's head. Caitlyn stepped forward, reaching again for that waistband, but Vi took two big steps back. She zipped her fly, buttoned up the rest.
Caitlyn realized with a curse where she went wrong, "Shit, Vi. I'm sorry, I'm sorry— It just slipped. I didn't mean that."
Vi's neck only rolled back, feeling too heavy for anything else. Even now, she still didn't get it. "Caitlyn," the thought never finished.
"That— I didn't mean it like that. You know I wouldn't—" Something in Vi's gaze stopped that sentence. She could only breathe in. "Don't go."
Vi picked up her shirt and threw it on, not even bothering to button it. She just needed to get out.
Because Caitlyn looked way too disappointed for her to be here right now.
It was just that one second. That one thought. It made her heart stop. It made everything stop, because these were not thoughts she should be having.
These weren't feelings that she should be having.
Caitlyn's eyes burned through her. Those teeth. She turned her back to it.
Vi was supposed to get this over and done with weeks ago, but Caitlyn made it too hard. She kept wanting more. More than Vi wanted to give. More than she could give. It wouldn't work.
She wanted to believe it was oil and water. Piltover and Undercity. Master and servant. These were all reasonable excuses.
But the most unreasonable excuse was that she simply liked Caitlyn.
Fuck. She really did.
She could feel all these awful parts of her reaching out, wanting more, and it made her sick because this wasn't something Vi allowed. Not then, not now. Not ever. Not for a Piltie. And especially not for a goddamn enforcer. Even though Caitlyn was so much more than that, it didn't change the facts.
Caitlyn played this like she wanted something real. She wanted the touches and the teasing and all the little things, and Vi couldn't stand any of it. She hated it because she didn't know how to do any of that.
And Caitlyn would know. Eventually she would know. If it went on like this.
Vi's had enough humiliation for one day. She couldn't handle any more. This all felt too serious, too real.
What happened to just fucking her in the bathroom? What happened to that?
Her hands fumbled as she clasped up her belt. She couldn't think. She couldn't see. Not with Caitlyn right there, watching her.
"Tell me why, at least," she insisted, in a voice Vi had never heard of. So frail, so desperate for something. Anything. A hint or a clue.
But she could never know.
Vi wasn't broken, but she was close. And she could never know.
She could only be mad at herself. And that hand still on her arm, willing her closer. Begging for just one look.
"Caitlyn," The words went into the dark. "Just let me go."
She didn't move. Not right away. Eventually the hand slipped, and all she could do was watch Vi disappear through the doors.
.
.
.
The thing about Stillwater was that time and patience were precious commodities. No one fucking had them.
It was respectful, even, to get to the point when you wanted something. No one wanted a chatty fucking kathy when you only had ten minutes of rec time.
Vi got the hang of it, but only after she'd been pursued by a number of girls.
At first she didn't trust them. Hooking up in a place like this seemed too exposed for her taste. To strip her of her clothing, let her defenses down. Allowing someone she didn't know, and never would know, to touch her in places she'd forgotten about?
It sounded just plain stupid.
Even her dreams decided to focus more on everything that went wrong, than what could go right.
Vi soon learned that most sex at Stillwater didn't even require the basics. The nakedness, the touching, the kissing. It was treated as any other illegal transaction: mostly done in the shower stalls on non-shower days, or behind the dryers in the laundry room, when the machines were the noisiest.
You could bribe an enforcer for ten minutes, but was rarely worth it since their idea of payback was to get in on the action, instead of anything simple.
So it came to fumbling around in dark corners, calloused hands plunging below her waistband, not a precious second to waste because, who knew how much time they really had?
Or which enforcer would walk in on their break?
The one who would tear them off each other? Or insist they continue?
Who knew how many days in solitary this one desperate fling would cost?
Three minutes and three fingers deep and all Vi could do was squeeze her eyes and focus, focus, focus. It would take too long if she didn't. It had to be rough and fast and overwhelming. And it had to be mutual, because nothing was ever given without something expected in return.
Vi picked up on the trade quickly once word got out that 516 was free game.
The same 516 that was always holed up in solitary, or the hospital, or on rare days of good behavior: the shaded corner out in the yard. Who notoriously said no each time a girl came to her table at lunch, or cornered her in the hallway, detailing the things they could do to her with just ten minutes.
The rejection was instant— a subconscious act of self-preservation, sure, but also just unimaginable. The advances felt like an insult, or a joke, or a trap to get her alone. To get her guard down, to get her insecure, because they know she's never really done this.
They know she's young, and new, and bites any hand that feeds her.
The days passed though. Weeks. Months. Years.
She never trusted any of those girls she had shuddering over her fingers in the showers. She never completely undressed, or took it from behind, or closed her eyes longer than ten seconds.
She would be the one doing. The one in control. Even in those small moments of weakness, the ones she tried to avoid for so long, she would not be fooled or fucked over. She would not be found bare naked, bleeding out into a shower drain with a chiseled toothbrush buried in her gut.
It was a transaction. The same as selling cigs or shimmer for extra rec time. She had a system. She was good at it.
But apparently, in the real world, this structure was obsolete. And predatory. And offensive.
And she didn't fucking understand any of it.
Vi didn't sleep that night. Not that she ever really did. Ekko snored a few paces away from her, curled up and content.
She wondered if he ever had feelings for someone. Real feelings. She wondered if Powder did. Wherever she was.
She wondered if anyone she knew felt so jagged and wrong that they couldn't let anyone get close, or if it really was just her.
Someone could easily love Ekko. So many people already loved Caitlyn. And she understood why.
But her?
Hands touching her all over, having to pretend like she was some delicate, precious thing?
Vi felt nauseous. She stood up from her cot and went outside to smoke. The pipe wasn't like Vander's, but she stole the habit anyways.
She sat and watched the sun rise. She had to crane her neck all the way up just to see it. The view wasn't like the one from work. It wasn't pretty and nice.
But it was just like her. And right now, it was the only thing she had that made her feel safe.
