8 days since the expedition
A fever struck Petra after several hours of her nightly excursion, forcing her to return to her hideout aching with fatigue and barely able to carry her supplies. As soon as she was slumped against the back of the trunk's hole, her grip on wakefulness and her things disappeared.
Sleep was surprisingly dreamless and uninterrupted. Petra only found herself waking when the sun was almost at its highest point but oh how her body's aches had gotten worse. She winced with each movement. The weight of her gear didn't help. Aside from relieving herself, she didn't generally take it off even when sleeping. She didn't want to think about what her skin looked like with the constant pressure of the odm straps wrapped over it.
Better than being caught unprepared if one of those bastard tries to climb.
Petra shuffled (painfully slowly) towards the entrance of her haven. She peered down at her area of the woods. Several titans meandered around with their typical grinning faces. Sometimes it amazed her how disproportionate some titan faces could be. Two of them had features similarly proportioned like most humans but the third one had massive eyes and ears, a nose that was barely visible and a stretching mouth that gave her the creeps as the titan gazed up at her tree, blonde hair falling in ragged tufts over its eyes. She pulled herself back inside.
There were less titans around most days. It seemed most of them were getting bored and moving on. She wasn't sure how many she'd killed so far but conserving energy and blades was becoming a priority. When she did make her escape, she needed to have enough functional blades ready.
How much longer would she be stuck here? It was the question that hovered through her mind daily, no, more like every few hours.
Her thoughts would turn to the ever more distinct possibility that no horses may come. They could well have been rounded up or had migrated halfway around Wall Maria by now. In which case Petra would need to consider travelling as far as she could at night. They'd only been a few hours from home but that had been riding at full gallop. A single night might not be enough.
There were other patches of woodland she could shelter in, of course but the chances of one having a similar hole in it for her to live in was unlikely. Most trees were much smaller than these. Tall enough to evade titans while awake but sleeping in them would be dangerous without rope to secure her. Even then, those trees were much more breakable. There were too many potential dangers to staying in them. This place was the most secure for now.
When she left, it would mean a straight forward charge to try and get home. Even the idea of snatching a couple of hours of sleep in darkness was too dangerous. She couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't sleep in until daylight and make herself vulnerable to titans.
I'm so screwed, Petra brought her hands to her face. It was the thought she often came back to.
Maybe her fatigue calling her back to sleep not long after was a kindness.
9 days since the expedition
Sleep did not find Petra easily, the following night, once the chills began.
All the softened warmth of spring seemed to be sucked out of the air, especially at night. Petra wrapped her cloak around herself, trying to drink more water as her desire to eat anything dropped. She managed to force four or five bites of one of her ration bars over the course of the day and night.
What energy she had, she conserved for trips outside of the trees at night to relieve herself. Despite her heated skin, the fresh night air that cooled it only felt like she was walking around in winter. The growing aches in her muscles from all the walking around gnawed away at her.
At least, once she returned to the tree, she finally tumbled forward onto her leafy bed as her body gave into exhaustion.
10 days since the expedition
Petra swore out loud as the titan's hand crashed onto the rooftop narrowly avoiding Jaime who had leapt ahead at the right time. Her sister landed in a crouch, scrabbling ahead until she pushed herself upright again. Her darker red hair flew behind her in a plait, eyes glaring with determination.
Where were they? Was this Trost? Or somewhere else? Was this Mitras? How had the titans got in again? How did they get in so far? Was Wall Rose gone? Was the Colossal back? What about the Armoured? How had she missed it? What the hell was Jaime doing on that roof in the first place? Why was she out in the field? Why was she wearing a military uniform? Panic cut through the fog of unanswered questions but no answers revealed themselves. Petra felt like she should know. Like she was missing something important. What was she forgetting? What was sitting on the edge of her memory?
"PETRA!"
Hannah's scream ripped through Petra's heart like a sword. Spinning around, Petra's eyes landed on the two 4-metres chasing her sister.
She pushed off from the ground, hooking into the wall of the house further down the street. Dropping off the roof, Petra swung herself around in a move that had her slicing both napes as the titans lined up in their pursuit. The two titans crashed to the ground behind her relieved sister.
Petra hit the ground and ran to take Hannah into her arms, stroking her blonde, curly hair. "You okay? Where are Mom and Dad? Where's Celeste?"
Hannah spoke the words, terror shining in her amber eyes, but no sound came out.
"What?" Petra asked. Thundering footsteps sounded all around the city but still, she should be close enough to hear Hannah.
Once again, voiceless words came out of her sister's mouth.
Petra's frown deepened. Why could she suddenly not hear her?
She looked upwards, at the rooftop where Jaime had been running. Her sister was screaming; Petra could see that she was. But no sound came out.
"I'll get you to safety," she told Hannah. Her own voice could be heard fine. She looked towards Jaime again, as the young girl used ODM gear to cross to a different roof, deftly avoiding another titan.
How does she know how to use that?
Hannah recoiled suddenly, hand pointing beyond Petra. Petra whirled around to face a familiar-looking 15-metre class. She took in the shoulder-length brown hair that framed glowing emerald eyes and the impressive physique it held. She began to smile.
"It's okay. That's Eren. He-" the words died off in her throat as she looked at Eren's hands. In each fist, he clutched one of her parents. Her father struggled, thrashing about in Eren's grip while her mother had gone as rigid as stone.
Petra's insides froze. "Eren?! Eren, what are you doing?!"
Maybe he's saving them. Moving them to a safer space.
But he's holding them so tightly.
He's just keeping them secure.
Eren roared and Petra stumbled back, instinctively blocking Hannah who latched onto her waist.
The titan was looking far ahead, charging forward with determined steps. He's going in Jaime's direction, Petra realized. He'll help her too.
As he began to pass the pair of sisters, Petra caught the squeeze in the fingers holding onto her father. What's he doing?
The gigantic fist clenched hard and Petra's father disappeared in a spray of blood.
Petra screamed, echoed by Hannah's, intensified by Eren's other fist clenching, sending more blood flying everywhere.
He…. He killed them.
"You…. You…" Petra stammered over the words in the seconds of disbelief before reality full crashed into her. "YOU MONSTER!" she screamed.
Petra's eyes snapped open and she gulped in a lungful of air. Sweat clung to her in slow-moving rivers. Her fingers tugged the blanket over her some more. The images dangled in front of her mind like menacing blades. She took another breath of the freezing night air.
She was fine. Her sisters and parents were back home safe too. Eren was hopefully safe and he would never do what he'd done then. It was just a nightmare.
It was just a shame that she had to wake up to this one.
11 days since the expedition
The chills eased off mostly over the next day, allowing Petra to slip into a somewhat more comfortable slumber. Sometimes nightmares still managed to break through or, and these were sometimes worse, dreams about the squad. Back in the days when they had been getting to know each other and learn to work together, to be able to coordinate attacks as a team.
Petra rubbed at her eyes with a yawn. She hadn't slept for that long before that dream had woken her but she was in no rush to return to dreamland. Waking up some more brought her a little relief from the pain of seeing her squad. Only for the guilt to collide with her like a wagon after a moment. You should be happy to see them again. You'll never get that chance now. You should take every dream about them that you can.
"Well, you're not wrong."
Petra flinched, eyes shooting wide open at the voice.
Sitting across from her, hunched over in the small space so much that it would have been comical in another situation, was Oluo. His eyes were half-narrowed in his typical critical glare. He swept his gaze over her and sniffed. "You look like shit," he declared in a poor imitation of the captain which would usually have invited a snarky comment from Petra about his impersonation abilities but right now she couldn't bring herself too. He was here. She could see him.
Petra's jaw dropped. "I'm still dreaming." It was the only conclusion that she could draw that made sense.
"Nah, you're not. I understand the confusion though. I'm many women's dream come true." Oluo replied with his usual smugness.
Petra's face flickered into a small scowl. "Shut up," her growl was muted by her breathlessness. "How else are you here? You… you… can't be here." Either he'd died or he'd gotten away but something inside her felt that he would have come back looking for her if he'd lived. Unless he just hadn't found her. Even so. "You… did the female titan…?"
"Kill me? Yeah. Painfully, I might add." Oluo grumbled. He noted the way pain painted itself over Petra's face. His mouth tightened.
"I'm sorry," Petra murmured. The confirmation felt like a kick in the ribs. "I should have done more to help-to save you." That scene began to play out in her mind: the way she'd frozen when the female titan gained on her, the sounds of Oluo's shout which had finally shaken her out enough to actually move, the impact of hitting the tree and the disappearing blurry figure. "I let you down by freezing up."
"Come on, Petra," Oluo scoffed. "You would have just ended up as dead as me. What else could you have done? You had to dodge the bitch and stay alive."
"Even so…" Petra began to say. No way could she be allowed off the hook like that. She was a member of Levi Squad. She should have done better.
"At best," Oluo continued bluntly, "you would have bought me a few more seconds, by getting killed yourself." His brows furrowed and Petra saw his jaw muscles tense. "We were completely outmatched from start to finish. Even the captain probably had to apply his best. We weren't dealing with a normal titan."
"Stop trying to make me feel better," Petra muttered as she adjusted herself, sitting up some more, rubbing some slight aches out of her back that came from so many nights sleeping sitting up.
She frowned over at her comrade, trying to process how surreal this was. It had to be a dream. He was definitely dead. He'd said as much. Or did ghosts really exist? They were a nice idea - a connection with lost loved ones - but Petra had never fully committed to either steadfast notion that they did or didn't exist. As she brought her knees to her chest and hugged them close, she muffled a scoff. That was typical of her, to be in the middle and mediate. Maybe that was how she'd ended up with the regrets that she did - not choosing enough.
"I'm not trying to make you feel better," Oluo clicked his tongue in yet another poor imitation of the captain. "I'm telling you to get a hold of yourself. You've been wallowing in this forest so long that you got freaking sick. You need to get the hell out of here, Petra. Get back home."
A spark of anger glinted in Petra's eyes. "What, you think it's really that simple? I need a horse or I might end up titan food."
"Might," Oluo spat back. "You may as well take a gamble and make for home."
"I'm not going to gamble like that when I can try and think of something better."
"It's been 11 days and you've come up with jack."
Petra's fists clenched. "You suck at motivational talk, you know? Why bother?" She tugged the cloak up towards her chin some more.
"Tch. Quit doing that. Your body needs to cool down."
"It already is but it's still fucking cold sleeping outside."
"I wouldn't know anymore now would I?"
"Asshole." Petra glanced towards her sack of supplies, thinking how good it would feel to throw one of her empty gas cannisters at him.
"I wouldn't bother," Oluo commented dryly, his lips twitching. "But I'm glad you still have that fire."
Petra frowned as a couple of the things he'd said so far caught up to her. "What the fuck? Are you reading my mind?"
"It's one of the perks of being dead. Another being that intended gas cannister projectiles have zero effect on me."
Petra brought her knees closer to her chin. "Did you just come here to wind me up and tell me I'm a loser for not getting out of here yet?" she asked, failing to hide the hurt in her tone.
Oluo hesitated for just a moment before he peered out at the forest. "No. Well, yes and no. You're not a loser, Petra, nor is this the time to wallow. The longer you wait, the worse it'll be for you."
"I don't have a good enough plan yet."
"The availability of good plans in your situation is pretty shit, Petra. You can't stay here forever."
"I'm not exactly feeling great right now so I couldn't make a break for it even if I wanted to."
"So, wait until you're stronger and then go for it." Oluo urged. There was a seriousness in his eyes, a focus that Petra only usually saw in the field. That she may never get to see again. The thought of it choked her. "You'll just keep using up your supplies if you keep waiting for a horse that's probably never going to show."
Petra sighed and rested her chin in her arms across her knees. "Again, you suck at this, Oluo."
"Don't care. This isn't a scenario for fooling yourself, Petra. One of us should make it home."
That did it. Tears spilled from Petra's eyes at the reminder. "I can't believe you're all gone," she cried quietly. "Our squad… everything we went through."
"We knew this was a possibility, Petra."
"Doesn't mean I can just accept it. Theory is so different from…" The words died inside her throat.
There was a pause between them; seconds passed as they held each other's gaze. Finally, Oluo began to crawl over to sit closer to her. To her surprise, she heard the light crunching of leaves as he moved to her, as if he was really here. Her heart began to sting and she reached out to him. Her hand passed through air and she bit her lip as another wave of tears slid down her cheeks.
"Come on, Pet," her comrade's voice was unusually gentle.
"I know," Petra wiped at her tears. "I know you're gone. I just… I miss you. It feels like you're really here."
"I could spout that sentimental crap you always say, about people always staying in there," Oluo mused, pointing at Petra's chest. "But I don't need to."
Petra smiled a little. "That's a convoluted way of agreeing with me."
"Whatever,"
They sat together in silence for a while and Petra's tears eased off. Even if this was a dream, even if it was her imagination, it was damn good to see him again. Maybe it was his way of saying goodbye. It's not like Petra could have made his funeral. Yet Petra didn't want this to be goodbye. Not yet. Not ever. She didn't want to say goodbye to any of them.
"How long can you stay?" her voice sounded croaky. "It's too quiet here."
"Maybe I can have a word with the titans tomorrow. Get them to have a bellowing competition for you."
Petra's hand moved off its own accord, swatting at him. Only her fingers met the cool wood instead. She close her eyes. "You're dodging."
"I don't know. I haven't exactly been dead before, have I? I don't know the rules."
"After 11 days, you don't know jack?" Petra partially fired his words back at him.
"Shut it."
Petra managed a smile. "And to think, I used to tell you to leave me alone. Now I'm asking you to stay. I must be ill."
"Tch."
"You still can't do a decent impression, huh?"
"You can only judge that because you're always fawning over him." Oluo scoffed. ""Captain, can I do this for you? Captain, can I make you some tea? Captain, can I give you a full body massage?"" He laughed as Petra's face went scarlet.
"Shut the fuck up!"
""Captain, can I wipe your ass for you?""
"I take it back," Petra grumbled. "I don't miss you." She yawned widely. She wouldn't have thought holding a conversation would be so taxing but apparently her body disagreed especially after so little sleep earlier.
"Go to sleep, Petra," Oluo mumbled. "I don't want to see those disgusting teeth again."
"My teeth are…" Petra had been about to argue but then remembered that 11 days of no teeth cleaning wouldn't look great. "I'm fine," she answered instead. "I want to talk to you."
"I reckon I'll be around," Oluo mused. "And falling asleep on someone mid-conversation is rude. Try and hang onto some of your manners, Ral."
Petra giggled a little. It was something her mother would say and another yawn signalled how little her body was willing to negotiate with her on this. "Okay," she said, rubbing her eyes again. "Maybe for a little bit," she murmured, closing her eyes.
"Good," Oluo said quietly. "Goodnight, Petra."
"Night." Despite the surprise of Oluo's visit, Petra found herself drifting away fairly easily.
—
However, when the morning sunlight finally woke her, she was alone again.
