Edward raced into the forest, furious. He followed the scents around him, searching for suitable prey. The blood on Esme Platt's body made his throat ache more than usual and he longed to give himself over completely to the monster. But no matter how mad he was at Carlisle right now, Edward didn't want to cause him any more grief tonight. There was enough to deal with without him also going on a killing spree.
Luck was on his side as he caught the scent of a mountain lion. Thanks to human hunting, they were far less common in this part of the country. Some part of him realized it would be a shame to kill the animal, but just this once he didn't care. He tracked the lion for miles and provoked it into a fight before finally biting into its throat. The lion's growls cut off with a gurgle and Edward savored every pint of its blood. The ache in his throat died down and became more manageable.
The same could not be said of his emotions.
He dug into the earth and threw heaps of dirt violently over his shoulder. It would make it harder to cover up the carcass and make it look like nothing happened but he really didn't care. One thought repeated over and over in his head.
How could Carlisle do this?
Edward had heard Carlisle's thoughts about his mother and though Carlisle had worried about it, he wasn't offended. Finally, it seemed like Carlisle was beginning to understand his point of view. He knew that Carlisle thought he was saving him and some days, Edward could almost believe it. But the reality was that this life could not really be called a life. It was existence only. As hard as they tried to be a part of the human community, they would always be separate. Every time his classmates' thoughts infringed on his mental privacy and every time their scent caused the monster to daydream about drinking their blood was proof of that. Carlisle may have found meaning in his work at the hospital, but Edward didn't have the same luxury. He was supposed to be twenty years old now, but he was stuck with the appearance of a teenager. The world would never accept him in a workplace like they did with Carlisle. Was he really supposed to repeat high school for all eternity? So much had been taken from him, first by the Spanish Flu, then by becoming a vampire. He could never become a famous concert pianist or compete track at the Olympics, as he once dreamed before he became occupied with thoughts of joining the army. He would never marry and have children of his own. He would never grow older and die peacefully at old age, as was the natural way of things. He would never be granted a place in heaven, seeing as how his soul had been destroyed during his transformation.
His mother couldn't have possibly understood the ramifications of what she had asked Carlisle to do. It was impossible. If she had known exactly what Carlisle was, Edward firmly believed that she wouldn't have asked Carlisle to change him. How could she ever want to risk Edward's soul, to have him become one of the damned? How could she want him to be an unchanging teenager forever? She hadn't wanted him to die, but she would have wanted more than this for him. She always had the best possible life for him and this wasn't it.
Edward flung the mountain lion carcass in the deep hole and went about collecting the earth he disturbed. As he passed a boulder, he couldn't resist giving it a kick and it cracked down the middle with a noise like a gunshot.
But Carlisle had to come back with another person he doomed to this existence. Edward didn't understand why. Carlisle had found Esme Platt at the bottom of a cliff as a result of an obvious suicide attempt. She had wanted to die and Carlisle didn't have the decency to let her go. He saw Carlisle's memories of her but it still didn't make any sense. The memories were of a bright and charming teenage girl, but ultimately she had been no different than any teenage girl in the world. It wasn't like the memories were particularly private, like Carlisle's memories of his time with Garrett. She had nobody begging on her behalf for her to be saved. Carlisle's nagging loneliness driving the decision didn't make sense either. After all, didn't he have Edward now? Wasn't that the whole point of his own transformation?
But you haven't exactly been a good companion to him, have you?
The thought brought him up short and he remembered with embarrassment the fight he picked with Carlisle when he came home from work. He had been an ass on purpose and he knew it. As much as Carlisle tried to hide his thoughts about his work day, Edward knew that it had been a bad day for him and he made it even worse. He sank to his knees in the smoothed over grave and balled his fists in his hair. What was wrong with him that he had a compulsive need to punish Carlisle for changing him? Yes, Edward was angry over everything that had been taken from him, but, really, Carlisle didn't deserve it. He was the best man Edward knew, besides his own father. Carlisle decided to take what had been done to him and turn it into something good and productive. He gave back to the world, which was more than what could be said of most vampires.
Which was more than could be said of Edward. What did he have to show for his existence, besides being a belligerent teenager?
He sighed and stood, brushing the dirt off his clothes. It was a good thing he was out of the phase where he ruined his clothes every time he went hunting. Regardless of his feelings about turning Ms. Platt (or did she have a different name now?), Carlisle would need help dealing with a newborn. And he had to make good on his promise to scout around town to see if anyone would be missing her. He owed Carlisle that much after everything.
He ran back the way he came and was surprised by how far he traveled. By the time he made it to the familiar woods outside their home, the sun had long since risen. He paused, letting his mind stretch out to touch Carlisle's. He sat in the chair opposite the couch Ms. Platt and watched as she shook and cried with the pain. He murmured words of comfort but also didn't allow himself to get closer out of…guilt. Edward was right. I shouldn't have done this.
Ironically, Carlisle's admission that he was right only made him feel worse.
He didn't want to check Ms. Platt's mind but he got a glimpse anyway. It was incoherent with the too familiar pain of transformation. If there was any way to speed up the process, Edward wished he could do it, for both their sakes. He hated seeing Carlisle miserable with guilt. As for Ms. Platt, she must have been in terrible pain to jump off a cliff. It was a shame to see it continue.
Edward headed into town and decided that if anyone asked, he was heading for the post office. He was lucky that it was a Saturday and didn't need to call off from school. He breathed deep as he walked the streets, trying to catch Ms. Platt's scent. At the same time, he bounced from mind to mind, trying to find anyone who had known her. It was tricky - there were so many scents and minds to sift through. It gave him such a look of concentration that nobody bothered to say hello to him. Finally, he caught Ms. Platt's scent by the primary school. The school was currently empty and he followed the scent around to the boarding house behind it. He heard the mind of the matron in the kitchen downstairs. There didn't seem to be anyone else in the house. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure nobody was looking his way and then darted around back. The back windows on the first floor were to the kitchen and dining room so he crouched down to keep out of sight. He felt ridiculous, like a peeping tom or a burglar. Add that to the resume. Edward Cullen: belligerent teenage vampire, peeping tom and burglar. He lightly snorted.
The matron sipped her coffee and stared at her food. She was too worried to eat. Edward saw Ms. Platt's face in her mind, but it was attached to a different name - Anne Patterson. She had been teaching for the past few months and the children loved her. He watched as the matron replayed a memory from yesterday.
She arranged a tea tray with a small breakfast to bring up to Anne. Ever since she got home from the hospital, Anne had stayed in her bed, not eating, not socializing. It was a hard thing to lose a baby. She'd lost one herself, but it did no good to quit living. She always believed that it was a better testament to her lost child's memory to keep living a good life. If Anne didn't eat soon, she would have to call a doctor.
The floorboards outside the kitchen creaked and she found Anne taking her coat from the rack and opening the front door. "Anne, my dear, where are you going?"
Anne's face was hollowed out by grief and when she smiled, it was brittle. "I'm going for a walk. I need some fresh air. I've been indoors too long."
Surely that was a good sign. "Well, come and at least eat breakfast first."
Anne shook her head. "I'll eat when I get back."
That was the last time the matron saw her and she was getting very worried. She couldn't help but think something bad happened to her, but she was reluctant to contact the police. Edward frowned. It was good for their situation to not have police involved, but why the reluctance? He wanted to know the reason, but the matron's mind devolved into arguing with herself over whether something bad did happen or if "Anne" decided to move on to a different town without telling her. Maybe she shouldn't be expecting the worst. Maybe "Anne" would come back home today. Edward wouldn't get anything more useful out of her right now, so ran into the tree line and took the scenic route home.
If Ms. Platt was using a false name and the matron was reluctant to involve the police, she must be in hiding. But from what? A husband, possibly? Did her husband hurt her? The thought made Edward growl softly. He wasn't naive - he knew abuse existed and had seen it in the minds of other women. It made him angry every time. How could men break something as sacred as marriage like that?
In any case, at least he and Carlisle didn't have to worry about people in town knowing her by the name Esme Platt. It seemed she already had a leg up in using fake names, which would be useful in her new vampire life.
He burst out of the forest by their home and loudly climbed up the steps of the front porch.
Oh thank God, he came back, was Carlisle's immediate thought.
"I said I would," Edward said as he came through the front door.
Carlisle sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He looked older and weighed down. "I know. I just - "
"I know," Edward finished. He knew how loneliness plagued Carlisle. Again, he felt embarrassed by his behavior. He resolved to keep his negativity to himself. "How is she?" he asked, though it was a dumb question. Ms. Platt's status hadn't changed since the last time he checked in. She still cried helplessly in a ball on the couch and Edward could feel the pain she was in through his connection to her mind.
Carlisle's expression was bleak as he watched her. "The same." For a brief moment, memories of watching Edward change flitted through his mind and then his own transformation. It's always horrible and there's nothing I can do about it.
"Maybe you should take a break," Edward suggested. Carlisle hesitated. "She might be in pain, but she's safe. She's not going anywhere at the moment."
They went out to the porch and sat on the stairs. Carlisle was mulling over what he found while cleaning her up. Edward winced, not wanting to see Ms. Platt that way, even though Carlisle's attention lingered over scars and a badly healed broken arm. So she was abused. "Damn," Edward muttered.
"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "Someone hurt her."
"That lines up with what I found. She was using a fake name while teaching at the primary school," Edward said. "The matron is missing her, but she doesn't want to contact the police. I think she knew Ms. Platt was hiding from her husband."
Carlisle nodded vaguely. "Did you find out anything about her baby?" he asked, thinking about how her body showed signs of a recent birth.
"The baby died," Edward said quietly.
"God," Carlisle muttered and hid his face in his hands.
Edward put a hand on his back. "I'm sorry."
Carlisle peeked at him. "For what?"
"My behavior earlier when you came home from work. It was out of line."
"You don't need to apologize. You were right. I am the reason you are an eternal teenager."
Edward opened his mouth to disagree about not needing to apologize, but there was a shift in Ms. Platt's thoughts. She was becoming more lucid. "We should go inside."
They found her struggling against the pain to get up. "What's happening? Where am I?" she cried.
Carlisle knelt beside her and took her hand. Already her skin was becoming harder and paler and Edward could tell by her grip that she was gaining her newborn strength. "Esme?"
Her eyes locked with Carlisle's. "Dr. Cullen?"
AN: I promise we'll get to Esme's perspective.
About taking canon and Doing What I Want: I prefer to let my vampires be able to have more than one romantic relationship in their lives. I don't like the Only One Mate thing and if something happens to that mate, the only options are revenge or following them in death. (Although Edward is still a romantic that believes in one true love lol.)
I tend to headcanon characters as bi (Esme) or ace (Edward). Or a combination of the two (Carlisle).
Also I prefer my vampires without sparkles. Thank you for reading :) Let me know what you think.
