Hermione let her fury propel her through the castle until she found herself outside. It seemed like the best place to be; there were sparks flying off her fingertips. The claustrophobia of the Gryffindor common room sounded like a bad combination with her uncontained anger, and she didn't want to see anyone, either. Not when she was like this.

So she parked herself under a shady tree until her hyperventilating steadied into more regular sobs. She felt dirty and small, like she'd been spit on. After all she'd done for Harry, for the rest of them, this was what she got?

She'd never be able to look McGonagall in the eyes again, not without this blistering shame and fury. And how was she to explain this to Harry and Ron? When they went off to be sworn in, or however the Order inaugurated its members, what was she to tell them? The truth was out of the question, even McGonagall knew that. No-one would ever trust her again.

Hermione lay on her back, uncaring of the uncomfortable bits of grass scratching and poking her, and stared up into the tree's branches. How tempting it would be to just lie there forever, until the dirt absorbed her and she never had to face anyone ever again. Her exciting summer now seemed bleak. Would she be expected to piece together scraps of information from Harry and Ron? Would they really just leave her out of it like that? She would go mad, with only brewing and meals in the chaotic Great Hall to keep her occupied until the start of her seventh year.

Her anger fizzled down to a weak irritability. She was certain her face was blotchy, her eyes red from crying, but there wasn't much she could do about that now, and she had to get to her dormitory before the Moon rose. She hated going to the dungeons without a cloak.

Dusting her hands off on her trouser legs, she began her trek to the castle with her head held high. If she wanted to make it through the next few months, she'd have to pretend that conversation had never happened. And then, when she was finally part of the Order, she really would forget it forever.

Having steeled herself with a false smile, she entered the Gryffindor common room only to stop dead when she found herself face-to-face with Harry and Ron, both looking nervous.

"How'd it go?" asked Ron cautiously, and all of her careful plans went out the window.

"You knew," she accused, daring them to prove her wrong. "You knew she wasn't going to let me in!"

"Hey, keep your voice down!" Harry pulled her to a more discreet corner. Hermione wrenched her arm from his grip with enough force that it left the skin of her wrist feeling raw. "She didn't tell us why, only that when we went to do our inaugurations —"

"You've joined already?" Hermione's voice broke.

"— we asked why you weren't there, and she said you'd have the chance later on, but we weren't to say anything until she'd spoken to you privately."

Hermione stared between the two of them, fresh betrayal lashing at her heart. All those times they'd disappeared for hours, when they'd told her they were going to the Quidditch pitch to try out new drills, had they been in meetings instead? Did they already have that precious intelligence she'd been waiting for?

Looking at them, she saw it was true, and all the work she'd done to make herself presentable was swiftly undone by a fresh wave of tears.

"Merlin, did she really not let you in?" breathed Ron. "Why not? Who wouldn't want you? You're more useful than me and Harry combined!"

"Do you want us to speak to her?" asked Harry, trying to reach out a comforting hand, but she shooed him away. "Maybe we can —"

"No." She wouldn't be humiliated anymore, not by her friends blindly trying to excuse crimes they didn't even know about. "Just… just forget it."

"What? No! Why would — where are you going?"

"To brew!"

The portrait closed behind her, making her shiver with the small breeze it created, but she refused to go back and get the cloak she'd come for. She wasn't sure how to face Harry and Ron again, not now that she knew they were looking at her with pity, heads full of classified information they probably didn't even know what to do with!

The long walk to the laboratory helped; her aggressive strides drew out some of the frantic energy which made her blood feel like it was overflowing. When she got to the laboratory and threw open the door, she was winded, which she thought was a better alternative to screaming, which was what she wanted to do instead.

The door banged shut behind her. Across the room, by the pantry door, Draco flinched so violently he nearly dropped the wooden box in his hands. "Merlin's — what happened?"

"Nothing," snapped Hermione. She went to the coat hook out of habit, only to realise she'd brought nothing with her, and stomped to the shelf to retrieve her dragonhide gloves instead.

"That's not nothing. What's wrong —?"

"I said nothing! Can we just work, please?"

Draco humoured her, perhaps against his better judgement, but Hermione was just grateful to have the chance to slow her breathing. Pruning the aconite forced her to affect calm, to steady herself enough to handle the knife with precision. She tried to pay attention to the delicate flowers beneath her hands and let all her volatile emotions dissipate into the air around her, but when her hand slipped and the tip of her knife tore the aconite petal straight through the middle, she slammed her knife onto the table with a frustrated cry and tore off her gloves. Bent over with her eyes squeezed shut, she rubbed her temples and pleaded with herself to calm down.

"Fuck — are you alright?" She could hear the heavy sound of his own gloves coming off. "Hermione, please tell me what's wrong —"

She flinched away from his hands, surprised to find how much his touch revulsed her.

The hurt was clear in his voice. "Why won't you tell me what's going on?"

"Fine, you want to know?" she snarled, turning to him. Her eyes burned, but there were no tears left. "They don't want me. McGonagall says I can't be trusted. Harry and Ron and the rest of them — they're all allowed to be a part of it, but I'm not good enough! I've been locked out, all because I protected you!"

Draco was frowning and his gaze was shuttered, like the Malfoy she saw stalking the corridors. "Because you protected me," he repeated.

"I didn't tell anyone about your Mark," she said bitterly, "and now, until McGonagall decides my parole is finished, I'm just as good as a Death Eater."

She wasn't sure what she expected him to do, but all he said was, "I'm not surprised."

"What?"

"Think about it rationally, from their perspective."

"You agree with her?" she demanded. "You think I'm not trustworthy?"

"That's not what I said —"

"Would you rather I'd gone running to McGonagall after I saw your Mark? After you told me you wanted to murder Dumbledore?"

"That's not what I said! And I never wanted to kill anyone — you know that —"

They'd never raised their voices like this in the lab before. They echoed shrilly off the metal tools, but all Hermione could hear was the hot blood rushing through her head.

"I thought you'd understand, now that we've both been cut off —"

"Do you even hear yourself? You said McGonagall will give you another chance, didn't you?"

"But —"

"Merlin, don't you understand how fucking lucky you are?"

"Lucky?!"

"They'll let you back in in a week, Granger. Anyone else would cut you off forever, or fucking kill you for less. You haven't lost anything! But if you regret helping me —"

"That's not what I said, and you know it!"

"Isn't it? You said this was all because you chose to protect me!"

"I chose to protect you because I know you — that you were there against your will! But they don't — they think I'm too stupid to make my own decisions, and that's what's wrong —"

"Well, you clearly don't trust them, either, if you're reacting like this."

"I don't believe this!"

"Yeah? Well I don't believe that someone so smart could be so ungrateful —"

"Fine! Brew the fucking potion yourself, then."

The door had slammed behind her before she could think, and she took off down the corridor at a run.


A/N: I realised too late how relatively short this chapter is. Hopefully the next one will make up for it :)