CHAPTER 17

I was anxious after visiting my mother. I wasn't sure what my expectations should have been going into it. So, I hadn't imagined the possibility of her not being lucid enough to have a genuine conversation with me. There was more I didn't understand after the visit than when I first got here. And if I'm being truthful, Gran was right. Maybe I wouldn't like the answers to the questions I had. Because if there was any sense to what my mother was saying-and I did not believe there was sense to it-then what did it mean? That there was some dark presence out to get me? Or was out to get me? If it was out to get me…then why? Why me?

It made no sense. But then, not many things associated with my mother made sense at all.

I'm taking in the scenery as we're driving to find a place for lunch. It's incredible, what exists outside of my Forks bubble. Hell, the sun alone is a nice change compared to the constant cloud cover of Forks. It's also refreshing not being around so many who seem to want only one thing from me. I start to wonder why I hadn't explored seeing other areas sooner.

"You doing ok?" I hear Edward ask, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"I'm not sure," I tell him honestly. "But I don't really want to dive into it and try to make sense of things."

"Any preferences on what to eat?" Edward asks. I can tell this is his way to acknowledging and respecting my need for a topic change, a distraction. I notice he's gripping the steering wheel.

"Not really," I tell him. "Have you ever been to Phoenix?" He shakes his head no.

"We can be adventurous and drive around until something stands out," I suggest. He smiles, seemingly to like the idea.

"Next place we see, we stop?" he offers.

"Sounds like a plan," I smile. This was nice, I realize. Having him here with me. Supporting me. I want to mentally slap myself at how easy it is to just be around him and how quickly I'd been to take his hand in mine when we first arrived at the psychiatric facility.

It's not even five minutes before we're pulling into a parking lot of what looks to be an American bistro. He's looking at me, hopeful that our spontaneity was favorable, and I can't help but smile. He's out the door, coming over to my side to help me out. I can see he's debating internally with himself over whether he should offer out his hand like he did before. And if he did, I know without hesitation I would take it. But I don't dare initiate this gesture. A look of determination crosses his face…he's decided and is offering me his hand. There is uncertainty, I can see it. And I feel guilty because it's there because of me. But I'm trying. He's trying. And while all his actions and his support speak volumes, I'm not sure how quickly I can trust it yet. But forgiveness? Damn Gran and Charlie.

I take his hand and see the instant relief cross his face. I, too, am pleased to have been able to give him this.

It's lunch hour and I'm quickly realizing how easy it has been to forget the world with Edward. Crowds.

How crowded would this place be if we were to go in.

"What's wrong?" Edward stops, having sensed a shift. I don't want to tell him. I don't want to ruin a good thing.

"It's nothing, let's go inside," I smile. I'm not sure what he's seeing on my face but after a moment, a look of understanding crosses his features.

"Should we go somewhere else?" he asks.

"Somewhere else?" I'm confused.

"Somewhere that isn't, I don't know, crowded?" he offers. "Alice explained…why you avoid crowds."

"I don't know how…crowded…it is yet," I tell him. "Without going in, I won't ever know. But that's the case for me everywhere I go."

"So you brace yourself for the possibility," he says in understanding. And I truly wonder how he understands me so well.

"Exactly," I smile.

"What do you want to do?" he asks, letting me lead this.

"Let's go in," I tell him. He looks like he wants to protest but I continue. "If it's a problem, it looks like they have outdoor seating. It's ok." He's searching my eyes again looking for any sign of my offering this just to please him. He must sense I am serious in my offer because he visibly relaxes, and we head inside.

I'm looking around, pleased to see it's not overcrowded. I sigh in relief at this and look up at him with a smile which he happily returns. The hostess is friendly enough, leading us to a private booth towards the back, leading to the outdoor seating. It's quite lovely.

Our waiter doesn't waste time. Not long after the hostess leaves us with our menus, he's over to our table reading off the specials and is taking our order for drinks. Edward is glaring daggers at him as he walks off to get everything taken care of.

"Stare any harder and you'll likely leave a hole in the guy's back," I laugh.

"I don't like him," Edward says, still looking in the direction the waiter went.

"You don't even know the guy," I look at him bewildered.

"He's got a look about him," Edward says. "And a wandering eye." I look at Edward, amused.

"Why, Edward, was he checking you out and it made you uncomfortable?" I tease. He quickly looks at me, then shakes his head in disbelief, realizing I was joking.

"You're funny," he rolls his eyes.

"And you've got nothing to be jealous of," I tell him. "He's being friendly." Edward looks like he wants to say more but thinks better of it. But I'm finding I want to know what he wanted to say.

"I really appreciate you coming with me," I finally tell him. I didn't want to admit to him that I was happy he came…not after the endless arguments we had over the issue during those three days.

"Really?" he quirks his eyebrow.

"Yes," I tell him. "Really."

"Hmm," he muses.

"What?" I look at him curiously.

"Nothing, nothing," he shakes his head.

"You want to say it," I glare at him. "Go ahead."

"That I was right?" he asks. I don't respond which amuses him further. "I just wanted to be here for you Bella. I'm glad it turned out to be the right call."

"I just wanted space," I tell him honestly. "After everything, I just needed to think."

"I understand," he tells me. "And I'm sorry I didn't give you that space."

"You're not," I laugh. He looks sheepish. "I get it, though. And I appreciate what you're trying to do."

"Alright here we go," the waiter returns, offering us our drinks. I look at his name tag—Jacob. I'm sure he'd introduced himself earlier when we first sat down but quite frankly, I wasn't paying much attention. "So what'll it be?" he asks, though I can see he's mainly focusing on me. I can see now that I'm paying closer attention two things. The first, he does have a wandering eye and I'd rather he not be here because his intense gaze is bordering on uncomfortable. The second, is the spirit following closely behind him trying to mutter words his way but neither this Jacob nor I can make out what they're saying. I look away, towards Edward quickly, trying to keep my attention solely on him. Because if the spirit realizes I could see him, he'll try to make contact only to quickly grow frustrated when they realize I don't understand them. And my gear is in the car.

My focus is on Edward. Edward's focused on Jacob, glaring at him. And Jacob's probably still focused on me which would explain Edward's glare. I kick him from under the table to get his attention. He grunts but makes no further indication that he'd just received a hefty kick under the table. But the noise is enough to bring Jacob's focus on Edward.

"I'll have a double cheeseburger, medium well," Edward huffs at Jacob.

"And for the pretty lady," Jacob says, but I'm not looking at him. I can see the spirit from the corner of my eye.

"I'll have the same," I tell him. Edward looks surprised. I can sense Jacob is still standing there, longer than necessary. I stand up suddenly, catching them both by surprise and move to sit directly next to Edward rather than across from him. From Edward's position, Jacob would be headed in the direction behind us when he finally took the hint and moved on. I wouldn't have to fight the temptation to keep an eye on this spirit and calling unnecessary attention to myself.

Tentatively, Edward brings his arm around my shoulder, and I immediately lean into his embrace. It's comforting.

"I think we're good here," Edward looks at me a moment longer, before bringing his attention back to Jacob who finally nods.

"Of course," Jacob says and quickly heads the opposite direction to hand the order in to the chef.

I immediately breathe a sigh of relief, sinking further into Edward's embrace.

"You saw something, didn't you?" he finally asks. I look at him surprised.

"How could you know?" I ask.

"I'm paying attention," he smiles sadly. "You reacted similarly when we went on that double date with Alice and Jasper. I didn't understand it then, but I can see it. There's a noticeable shift when you're seeing…. something."

"I didn't realize I was so obvious," I mumble.

"I don't think it is," he assures me. "But I … I care very much for you Bella. And so, I pay close attention. What did you see?"

I'm staring at him for a time, searching his face. He's sincere. Genuine and curious.

"There's a spirit of an older gentleman with him," I tell him. "He seems frustrated. Wanting to tell him something, but Jacob can't see or hear him,"

"But you can?" Edward's confirming.

"I can see him," I tell him. "But hear him? Not clearly enough to know what he's trying to say."

"What do you mean?" he asks. He looks confused. But so am I? He seems as though he'd received a low down from Alice, but I don't know how much she'd told him. "Alice told me a little bit about it. But I don't' get this all works."

"Oh," I say, surprised. "Without my camera, I can't clearly communicate with spirits, but I can see them. Without it, it's all static and garbled. So, when there's so many in one space, it's sound and stimulation overload. It's disorienting for me."

"So when you use your camera, it does what do you think?" he inquires.

"I think it thins the veil between the spirit realm and ours, allowing for the communication to come through clearer. Like it brings us both to the same frequency." I explain.

"That doesn't sound like something easy to have figured out," Edward muses. "When did you realize that's how it worked for you?"

"About a month after the accident," I tell him quietly. Ever so slightly, I wasn't sure if I'd imagine it, Edward's hold on me tightened. I look into his eyes and he's looking at me with a look I can't quite define. It's not the first time he'd given me that look.

"Do you remember what happened around that time?" he finally asks, clearing his throat.

"Yea," I say, hesitantly. He's being patient with me. He's not pushing. "I went back to the site of the accident about a month after it all happened. I don't even know why I went. I just felt compelled to go there of all places and I brought my camera. I don't really go anywhere without it." I chuckle.

"I did notice that" he smirks.

"But I found myself going over to down to the river," I tell him. "To the spot they'd found me. I remember I took a picture of the bridge—where the truck broke through the guardrail-from that perspective. I'd been looking at the pictures, just to see how the lighting was…if I needed a different lens…and there was Gran one moment in the picture and the next, standing next to me, talking to me."

"So you take a picture, maybe a spirit shows up in the picture and then you can hear them?" he's thinking it through.

"They appear in the photo briefly," I tell him. "When I develop the film or adjust the digitals, there's nothing there. But yes, that's how they come through. And usually if they have a message."

"And you got to see you Gran," he smiles at me.

"I did," I say. "She wasn't that helpful though…I never knew I could do this. I'd always thought I'd see things here and there. But I was like you once, skeptical of believing if the supernatural could be real."

"And then one day it was," he nods.

"Seeing sometimes truly is believing," I shrug.

"Was she able to move on…after communicating with you?" he asks.

"For the last ten years, I truly believed she had crossed over," I tell him.

"But now you don't?" he asks, confused.

"I know she hasn't," I say. He's looking at me questioningly. "That first day we met? When Alice brought me into the studio to check it out for possible promotional photos?"

He's remembering.

"Yea, I remember," he finally says. "You'd looked like you had seen a ghost. You dropped your bag."

"Yea, well that's because I did see a ghost," I tell him. "My Gran."

"What?" his eyes are wide in surprise.

"Yea, she was hanging around you," I tell him. "But every time she'd catch me looking, she'd disappear."

"Why me though?" he asks, confused. "Why not you?"

"That day I finally told you what I could do, she came to me. She came through when I used my camera," I told him. "Said I didn't need her all these years. That things happened the way it was meant to."

"But that doesn't' answer why she'd be hanging around me," Edward says.

"I don't know how that woman's mind works even in the afterlife," I laugh. "But she'd made it known at times she was there."

"How?" he looks surprised.

"Before the accident, Gran and I were blasting and singing along to ABBA's' Dancing Queen'" I tell him. Once more he's got a look on his face that I can't quite decipher. "You and I heard it turn on in your car that one night." I remind him.

"That wasn't the first time that had happened," he whispers. Now I'm the one confused.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I mean there were times before that day and after where that song would either start playing on my radio or just in Alice's studio," he shares. "I didn't get what it was about that song or how that was happening."

"But you brushed it off because of the obvious," I nod in understanding. "I wasn't there so I can't say for sure if it was Gran. But I wouldn't put it passed her."

"So she was there that night in the truck," he surmises.

"Yea," I nod. "She was there. And today with my mom. She was there."

"Does it ever get confusing?" he asks, suddenly. But I know and understand what he's asking me.

"Sometimes," I admit. "Sometimes it is hard to differentiate what's real versus what isn't. But with spirits, you can sense what they're feeling. At times, I can feel what they're feeling, and I know. It's become easier over time. But not in the beginning."

"It sounds exhausting," he whispers.

"It is," I tell him. "Sometimes, depending on how strong the spirit, I feel drained after the connection is gone."

"Here we go," we both jump. Jacob's back and caught us both off guard. He places our meals in front of us. I look up to thank him, seeing the spirit lingering just behind him shaking his head and pulling at his hair in frustration. I'm curious and wish very much in that moment that I could make the connection and help this spirit. Jacob noticed my gaze and looks behind his shoulder, to see if there's something that caught my attention. But he can tell nothing is there. "Everything ok?" he asks.

"Yes, sorry," I shake my head and look over at Edward.

"If you need anything, just let me know," Jacob says and walks off

"What is it?" Edward asks.

"Whoever the spirit is, he's frustrated that he can't connect with Jacob," I tell him. "He was pulling at his hair."

"You want your camera so badly right now, don't you?" He smiles at me. He's not teasing me, I can tell. He's in awe of me?

"I really really do," I admit. He laughs. "I just want to help spirits feel at peace so they can move on instead of being stuck in this limbo."

"Does it have to be your equipment?" he asks.

"What do you mean?" I ask him.

"Well, is there something special about your camera equipment? Was it passed down from your family, like your gift was?" I shake my head no. There was nothing special about it. "So why does it need to be your camera? Why not the camera on your phone?"

I look at him with wide eyes.

"It never occurred to me to try," I admit.

"No better time like the present," he shrugs.

"How awkward would that be," I roll my eyes. "Hey dude, just testing out the lighting, you don't mind me taking your picture, right?"

"You never know, he seems taken with you," he laughs. I start to roll my eyes but then have a thought. Edward's caught by surprise as I stand abruptly and am pulling my phone out of my pocket.

"What are you doing?" he laughs.

"Smile for the camera," I laugh. I'm lining up my shot with my phone to take of Edward. To anyone, it just looks like I'm snapping a regular photo. Maybe even being a typical tourist in their eyes. But I've angled the phone in such a way that Jacob is more in the shot than Edward. He's looking over in my direction, curious to what I'm doing. But I'm focusing on the spirit with him, and the spirit realizes in that moment that I can, in fact, see him. I take the picture quickly so I can take the attention off me.

"Moment of truth," I say as I look at the photo. My eyes go wide when I see the spirit appear in the photo before appearing by my side. I quickly take a seat in the booth.

"Did it work?" Edward asks but at the same time he asks, the spirit is asking if I can see him.

"Yes," I say, I briefly glance at Edward but turn towards the spirit of the man sitting beside me. I'm answering both of them.

"How can you see me? How can you hear me?" the spirit asks me.

"It's just something I can do," I tell him. Edward's about to ask—mostly likely ask what I'm talking about—but the look I give him tells him what he needs to know. That I'm not communicating with him in the moment. I'm interacting with the spirit.

"Well thank the stars," he looks relieved. "I'm Billy. Billy Black. Jacob's father."

"Hi there," I smile at him. "Bella."

"Bella," he smiles back. "I need you to tell my moron of a son that he needs to quit this job and go back to school."

"Um," I take a breath. "Billy, does he want to be in school?" I look at Edward apologetically. I should feel weird doing this in front of him, but strangely I don't. And the look he's giving me right now? He's not judging or weirded out.

"He does," Billy urges. "There was a mix up in his paperwork for a scholarship he had at state. But I took care of everything just before I had my heart attack. I had the paperwork in my brown leather jacket. And the moron packed it up today in a box to give to good will. You need to stop him. Tell him to check the pockets and get his ass back to the admissions office to reinstate his scholarship."

"I can do that," I smile at him. He sighs in relief as he thanks me, then vanishes. I look at Edward and smile, reaching over to my plate and grab a French fry.

"Sorry about that," I tell him. "I didn't think the camera on my cellphone would actually work."

"I wouldn't go shouting it off rooftops at Forks," Edward teases. But then his face grows serious. "No really, don't tell them you don't need your equipment."

"Not everyone in town is like Clara," I smile sadly.

"I think if you asked Alice or Rose or even Betty, they'd disagree with you," he tells me. "Do you take photographs because you genuinely love the art or because of the expectations of the town?"

"Honestly, I love the art and wish sometimes it can be just about what I love," I tell him.

"You'll never have that in Forks, Bella," he tells me.

"I never ever considered leaving Forks, for obvious reasons," I share. "And I'm not saying I'm ready to just up and jump ship, but I'm loving the aspect of the endless possibilities beyond Forks. And…" I pause, not sure how to share the next part.

"And what Bella?" Edward asks. He reaches over to take my hand, assuring me that I could confide in him.

"And I may have looked into different photography contests to put some of my work out there for exposure," I tell him.

"That's incredible!" he exclaims. "Did you hear back?"

"Not yet," I tell him. "But I haven't told anyone about it."

"I'm glad you told me," he smiles and squeezes my hand gently. I nod my head, content that I'd shared this with him. We take some time to eat our food. By now, mine's gone cold but I don't care as much. We're just about ready for the check and Edward flags Jacob down to let him know. We give Jacob the amount due, telling him to keep the change but I stop him before he walks away. He's hopeful for a moment until he glances at Edward. Not sure what look Edward's giving him but that hopeful look is gone just as it came.

"Jacob," I start. "Listen there's no way to say this so I'm just going to rip off the bandaid." He looks confused.

"Say what?"

"That box you put together with your dad's things for good will this morning? You need to go back through it and find his brown leather jacket," I tell him. His eyes go wide.

"How did you—" I cut him off.

"Not done," I tell him. "Your dad fixed whatever mix up was going on with your scholarship. He arranged everything the day he had his heart attack. But the paperwork is in that jacket. Get that paperwork, go to the admissions office and get back to where you're supposed to be."

Jacob's eyes are wide in disbelief. He's looking back and forth between me and Edward. Not sure if he should or shouldn't believe what he's hearing.

"I'd listen to her," Edward tells him. "You may regret it if you don't."

"Yea," Jacob whispers. "Do I want to know how you know this?" I shrug but give him a reassuring smile.

"Good luck Jacob," I tell him. "And don't forget to get that paperwork." He nods his head, understanding. He looks like he's in shock over the ordeal. I take Edward's hand and lead him out of the restaurant.

"Well that was eventful," I laugh as we make it back to the car.

"It was incredible," he smiles at me.

"It doesn't happen often. Me giving a message to someone who doesn't know what I can do," I say aloud.

"If you ever left Forks, it may happen more than it does now," he muses, and I agree with him. If that were to ever happen. He opens the door for me to the passenger seat and there's that look again. I don't understand it and it's quiet offputting.

"What's that look?" I ask him. "I can't figure it out."

"Look?" he asks, confused.

"I'm not sure sometimes if you're weirded out by what I've been sharing with you…between what I found out about that night from my mom, to how it all works and then actively interacting with a spirit in front of you…. you've had a look about you. Like there's something you want to say but aren't saying it."

"You've very perceptive," he muses.

"I've been told that," I shrug. "So, what is it? If it bugs you or you don't believe it, I need to know. I won't judge."

"I'm afraid if I tell you, I'll scare you off," he admits. I'm slightly surprised. How bad could it be? It couldn't possibly be worse than how he initially handled finding out about my gift.

"You don't scare me Cullen," I say, challenging him. He steps closer, very little space is between us and my breath catches.

"You sure?" he smirks, leaning closer. I'm not backing down. He can see it in the look on my face.

"Positive," I tell him with determination. "I can handle it." He's searching my eyes. I'm not sure what he's looking for.

"I…" he starts. He pauses a moment before gathering whatever courage he was searching for. I'm bracing myself for something horrible. "I am so in love with you, Bella Swan."