Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading and reviewing! Only one more chapter and this one will be finished! I may or may not have considered writing a third installment in this series, but I'm still not sure. For now, I hope you enjoy the chapter!
Closure
It took Pony a little more than a year of working and saving just about every penny he made or got for holidays, but Johnny had been right about Dal finding him a deal, and halfway through his senior year after getting a little money for his seventeenth birthday, he finally managed to save up enough to get himself a car. It was an old, black four door Ford and not the cherry red mustang he and Soda had agreed on wanting from that magazine in the doctor's office, but it would take him too and from work, and Steve had even gone with him to look at it before he'd bought it to make sure it didn't have any serious issues. He also figured that Steve would be willing to give him a discount if it ever needed work. The thought made him smile as he drove his new car home, parking it behind Darry's truck.
The one who pretended not to like him wasn't even pretending all that much these days.
He closed his eyes that day as he sat his new car out in front of his house , trying to feel Lianne's presence with him. She'd said that she watched him sometimes. It was a thought that came to him while he was working, or doing homework, or even talking to Sue on the phone some days.
"What do you think, Li?" he whispered, feeling kind of silly. But still…he wished he could know what she thought about all this. He never told anyone that he did it…he was pretty sure they'd think he was crazy. But he didn't care. He'd seen her, out behind that bar, the two of them laying in the field while Darry and Soda had begged him not to die. He wondered about Mark and Tyler sometimes too, if she'd been right about them being in California. There were even times when he thought about going to try and find them the summer before college…maybe taking Johnny. But he always dismissed that idea pretty quick. He didn't want to go find them. Not really. They hadn't been family.
He had thought about going to New York though, even if that wasn't something he was itching to bring up with his brothers just yet.
At first, he only drove his car to school on the days when he had to work to save gas. Johnny would borrow his car sometimes too, and Pony would hang out at the apartment he'd helped him move into after work before driving home. Other days, he'd walk or catch a ride with Two-Bit to school, then walk home if he couldn't get a ride. He didn't mind. He carried a blade, and the socs continued to keep their distance for the most part. Pony didn't know if that was because Bob had said something before he graduated, or if the socs just had better things to do.
Soda borrowed his car sometimes too, taking Alice out on nights when Pony didn't have plans, and for the first time in his life, it was like he was actually helping his family. He gave Darry money every week and had a car for Soda to borrow. He got along with his brothers and Darry even seemed to like having him around. He'd even sat him down after Sue had left, gripping that brochure Pony had given him in his hands.
"You know, if you wanted to go to college somewhere else, we'd figure it out." He'd looked scared while he'd said it though, just under the surface of the smile he'd been trying for.
"What, you want to get rid of me?" Pony had asked with a laugh, but Darry had shaken his head, serious.
"Never. Hell, Pone, I'd love for you to stay close. But I don't want you making that choice because of me. Or because of Soda…or a girl." He'd been real careful about that last part, but Pony had just grinned.
"I ain't. It's a good school, and I've got a good chance of getting a scholarship. Plus I can save money living here as long as you don't start charging me rent."
Darry had laughed, rolling his eyes.
"I…I was away for a long time, you know? I don't want to do that again just yet."
His brother had put a hand on his hair, leaning in close. "It won't ever be like that again, Pony, even if you do go somewhere else for college. You can always call us or visit, and we can come see you, no matter where you are." The rest, that Richard would never get near him again, had gone unspoken, but Pony had still felt his throat close up a little at the memory.
"I know," he'd murmured. "I still want to stay here, though."
And Darry had looked relieved. "Good. Because I don't want you going anywhere. But if you change your mind, we'll make it work."
He still talked to Sue every week or so, and they kept writing letters. They talked about everything, never seeming to run out of subjects, sometimes discussing books they'd read or movies they'd both seen, or talking about school or their families. She told him about a fight she'd had with her dad where they'd avoided each other for three days until they'd finally patched things up. And not too long after he got his new car, he guiltily told her about Darry breaking it off with his girl.
It had been back around his Christmas break that he'd first noticed his brother's bad mood. Darry had been quiet and irritable for a couple of days after his first track meet, grumbling under his breath while he paid bills at the kitchen table or made breakfast and staying home most nights. Pony had waited a few days until hesitantly asking him if everything was alright, mind immediately going to Richard. What if he'd gotten out of prison? Darry had been mad when they'd let Bob go…of course he'd be mad if Richard got out too. But surely, he'd thought, his brothers would tell him if that happened.
But Darry had just glanced up from the newspaper he'd been glaring at, face softening when he'd seen Pony standing there. "Everything's fine," he'd assured him.
A few days later, Pony had gone to Sodapop who had told him that Darry had broken things off with Mary, and when Pony had asked why, his brother had been kind of reluctant to tell him. Pony had frowned, the two of them in his bedroom, putting his pencil down and giving up on his math homework for a minute. "Was it because of me?" Pony had asked, his voice coming out too small. It was the only reason he could think of that Soda wouldn't want to tell him.
His brother had hurried to shake his head. "No. Of course not."
"Then what happened?"
"It was a lot of stuff, Pone." He'd tried to wave it off, then sighed when Pony had just stared at him. "She wanted him to come on a trip with her for a week. He said he couldn't afford it, and anyway, he didn't want to leave you alone for that long
"You'd have been here," Pony had reminded him.
"I know. But I guess he thought a week would be too long. And she said something about him always putting his brothers above everything else and that made him mad, so they had a big fight and he broke it off with her."
"So it was because of me."
"No, it was because of her," Soda had insisted, kicking him from where he'd been sitting on Pony's bed, a glass of chocolate milk leaving a mustache on his upper lip.
Still, Pony had felt bad, even when Sue had told him on the phone that she agreed with Sodapop. "It was because of her. Your brother loves you and Soda more than anything, right?"
"Yeah, but I don't want to be the reason he breaks up with his girlfriend."
"It sounds like he broke up with her because she didn't care about what was important to him."
If he thought about it, Pony guessed that was true. Sue was like Soda in a lot of ways…he could talk to her about just about anything, and she listened and seemed to get things. She liked his brothers too, always asking about them and laughing at his stories of them. More and more, he was hoping she could move to Tulsa for school, and he knew his brothers were nervous about him getting his hopes up. Still, they didn't actively discourage him or anything. Just kept a close eye on him and asked about her from time to time.
Other than his worries about Darry not being able to have his own life because of him, and his worries that Sue would change her mind about college and stay in New York, things were going well. He liked his job fine. He was doing good in track and was halfway through his senior year. Darry and Soda had even come to some of his meets to cheer him on. College was getting closer and closer, and he was almost done with his application. He was applying for scholarships too, and was hoping with his grades, he'd manage to get at least a few.
Soda had started sleeping in his own room not too long ago, and Pony found that he didn't have too many nightmares anymore. Sure, he'd dream about Richard a little, but usually not unless something happened, like an argument with Darry or the night before a big test. Nothing huge…but any stress seemed to trigger them. Still, he didn't wake his brothers up with his screaming anymore, and for the most part, his nightmares weren't too bad.
Until he had one that was.
It was a cold Sunday in March when he woke with a gasp, tears cold on his cheeks. He wiped his face, taking a deep, shuddering breath as he tried to breathe normally again and calm his racing heart. Usually when he dreamed about Richard these days, he knew right off that it was a dream as soon as he woke up. This time, though, he had to stare at the ceiling for a long time before he felt his heart stop pounding in his chest, his brain finally catching up that he was in his own bed…that he wasn't out behind that bar.
It had been Richard…his nightmares were almost always Richard, but they weren't usually about that day.
Pony practically jumped out of bed, shuddering and feeling like he wanted to climb into the shower and scrub his skin until he forgot all about that day and all about Richard, but instead, he went into the kitchen, pausing when he saw Soda, and the plan hit him like a flash.
He'd felt better when he'd talked to Soda about what had happened in that house…Darry too. And when he'd seen Lianne and talked to her. Maybe, he thought as he approached his brother who was tiredly eating a piece of toast, he could talk about this too.
"Are you busy today?" Pony asked him, sitting down at the table without grabbing any of the food on the stove. Soda looked up at him, jumping a little.
"Hey, Pone…I didn't hear you come in." He grinned, wiping a hand over his face, then paused, concern replacing the smile. "Uh….no…no plans, unless Steve wanted to do something." He looked at him closer then. "You okay?"
"Yeah…nightmares."
He leaned forward, softening. "What about?"
The words came out then, a plan forming before he could think it through, his resolve forming a tight ball in his stomach. "Will you go somewhere with me?" he asked instead of answering his question.
Soda blinked at him, then nodded slowly. "Yeah…sure Pone. You want Darry to come too?"
He kind of did…but Darry had worked all day the day before, and he knew he must be exhausted. Sunday was usually his only day off. "Nah…we'll let him sleep."
"Alright. Eat something. I'm going to get dressed."
Pony forced himself to eat some toast, then pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater, meeting Soda back in the kitchen. His brother wrote a note for Darry, letting him know that they'd be back late, then headed out to Pony's car, the two of them quiet as they climbed inside, Pony behind the wheel.
He remembered the way even though it had been a long time since he'd made the trip, and he'd never made it from his house. They'd taken him from his house to the boy's home where he'd stayed for what had felt like years.
Those first few days, he'd been sure his brothers would pick him up soon. He'd known for a fact that Darry would never let this happen if he could stop it…but as the days had passed and he'd gotten no word on how long he'd have to stay or what was going on with his family, he'd remembered their fights and how much Darry had given up to keep him, and he'd felt himself losing hope.
Soda turned the radio up loud, trying to act like this was normal, chattering about Alice and asking him questions about Sue and school, but he got quiet as they drove out of town, leaning forward to turn the radio down as they approached the roads that Pony knew by heart.
"Kiddo?" he finally started to ask, looking around almost nervously. They'd been in the car for over an hour and Pony knew he'd been this way before, back when Dally had brought him and Steve without telling Darry what they were doing. So of course he'd recognize it.
"Yeah?" he asked, not looking at him.
He could feel his brother's gaze for a long moment, but in the end he just shook his head. "Nothing." He didn't ask any questions, even as Ponyboy made himself turn onto the road he'd first seen when the social worker had picked him up from the boy's home, easing to a stop on the side of the road across from the house and turning in his seat to stare at it.
It felt like all the air went out of the car then…like he couldn't quite breathe right, and beside him, Soda seemed to be holding his breath too.
When he'd first seen this house, he hadn't paid attention to the details…hadn't cared much that there were flowers lining the sidewalk leaning to the front porch. He hadn't known that Richard's wife cared more about those flowers than she did any of their foster kids. He hadn't known that the breakfast he'd had at the foster home would be the last good meal he'd eat for a long time, or that, before too long, just the sight of this place would make him want to throw up.
There were so many days he'd thought about running. About sneaking on a bus or even hitching a ride back to his own town…about stepping into the DX and throwing his arms around Sodapop and telling him everything. Or about hiding in his own house and waiting for Darry to get home and telling him everything. Because Darry would have done something, he'd known…he'd tried to believe. Darry would have moved heaven and earth to put a stop to it, even if it meant stooping to asking Tim Shephard to take care of Richard himself.
But he'd stopped himself every time. Because if the social worker had caught him going home, his brothers might never have gotten him back. Besides, he'd thought, who would have protected Rita and Lianne? So he'd put up with it. He'd tried to keep his head down when he could, and he'd dug burnt food out of the trash, and he'd refused to give up smoking until just the thought of a cigarette made the burns on his arm hurt.
The porch still sagged in the middle, but the lawn was neat and short, and someone had planted bushes on either side of the stairs that Richard had shoved him down at least once. Someone was living here…not Richard and Tammy, but some other family. They were living in this house.
The house that was just a house.
Beside him, Soda was so quiet he could almost forget he was there, but Pony couldn't tear his eyes away.
Richard wasn't there anymore. Neither was his wife. Mark and Tyler were long gone. Rita was at work, safe, and Li was at peace, maybe even watching him now. There was no one for him to protect. No reason for him to be here, he realized with a smile as something in his chest seemed to loosen. It wasn't a scary house…wasn't haunted by anything but his memories.
Soda reached over, a hand landing on his shoulder, and Pony stiffened a little in surprise before taking a breath and relaxing.
After everything he'd been through…after the pain and the torture and the nightmares, it felt impossible. He couldn't believe it…couldn't believe that at some point, the sight of this house, which had once inspired a fear so all-consuming it had made him sick every time he'd so much as thought about it, even from the safety of his own home, wasn't affecting him more.
He'd expected a lot of things when he'd made the split second decision to face this house again. Fear, mostly. Terror. He'd expected his hands to start shaking again, and his throat to close up. He'd even thought he might need Soda to hold him together until he could breathe again…until the pain of it all passed.
But as he stared at the house across the street, all he felt was a vague ache in his chest, so familiar now that he could forget about it most days. Hell, he thought, it was almost anticlimactic. He even felt kind of bad for dragging Sodapop all the way out here just to stare at it.
"It's just a house," he whispered, bewildered.
"Yeah," Soda agreed softly.
"Just…a regular house."
His brother nodded when he glanced at him, still looking concerned. "Yeah, kiddo."
Pony had to fight the urge to smile. "He's in prison."
"He'll be in there for a long time. And he'd better not ever show his face in our town."
Pony nodded. It was true. Richard was in prison and this house was just a house.
"Where to next?" Soda asked after a moment, voice forcibly light, and Pony pulled back onto the road.
There was one more place he still dreamed about, and he could only hope he handled it half as well as he had the house.
It was a road he'd walked alongside what felt like a million times with Li, the two of them heading to school together, Pony's hands shoved in his pockets, gaze locked on the ground as she'd talked to him. He'd never told her much about himself or his family, but she'd been happy to fill the silence most days. It was different to drive it, though. What had taken almost half an hour when he'd walked slow enough only took a couple of minutes, and soon he was pulling into a familiar parking lot.
Soda followed him without a word, and Pony knew that he'd been here too…that Dallas had brought him and Steve in their quest to learn more about what his life here had been like…to try and get some answers.
It was only about eleven, so the building was mostly empty, and Pony was surprised to see a familiar face. He headed straight to the bar, climbing onto one of the stools, and Soda sat beside him. "A little early for a beer…and you're kind of young for one," his brother murmured, bumping his shoulder against Pony's as the bartender headed over, freezing in place halfway to them.
"Hey, Dean," Soda greeted.
Pony was kind of surprised that he'd remembered his name.
The man stared at him for a moment, eyes narrow, but then he stiffened, taking in the scar on Pony's face and Sodapop beside him. "Ponyboy Curtis," he greeted softly, smiling and looking relieved.
"Hey. Think I can get a Pepsi? I'll pay you this time."
"Sure thing." He reached under the bar and pulled out two Pepsis, popping them open and handing one to Soda and one to Ponyboy before looking Pony up and down, then turning to Sodapop with a grin. "Looks like you found him."
Soda grinned, slinging an arm around Pony's shoulders and squeezing him as he took a drink of his soda. "Yeah. We did."
"I heard they got that asshole locked up."
Pony nodded. "Yeah. His wife and a couple of his friends too."
"Good. What about the other kids in the house?"
"The guys left before he got locked up. I think they're in California. The other girl, Rita, just got an apartment close to our place."
"I'm glad to hear it. Good to see you doing better, kid. When I heard the news about your foster sister…" He shook his head, looking sick, and Pony felt Sodapop stiffen beside him. "They were out looking behind the bar for you for a couple of days. The woods too. I'd told them you used to sleep out there sometimes. I didn't know he was friends with the cops. Anyway, I'm sorry about your foster sister. Lianne, right?"
"Yeah," Pony nodded, squeezing the bottle a little tighter. But it didn't hurt so much to hear her name anymore. She was okay now. Hell, she might even be listening, though he'd certainly never tell Dean or his brothers that. "Thanks. And, uh…I wanted to thank you. For giving me the sodas and letting me hang out here. I don't know what I would have done without your help."
Dean shook his head."It wasn't nothing, kid. Don't worry about it. Or those sodas either. It's on the house."
Pony and Sodapop both thanked him as he moved to the other side of the bar, getting back to work, and the two of them downed the rest of their sodas. Pony stood then, his brother following him. He hadn't come here to say hi to Dean, but when he'd pulled in, he'd remembered just how much the man had done for him, a strange kid that wasn't even supposed to be in his bar, and it hadn't felt right to not at least try to thank him.
Now he led Soda around the side of the building, hesitating for just a second before turning the corner.
The field behind the bar was covered in tall grass and weeds, and when Pony walked through it, the bottoms of his jeans got cold from the dew still clinging to it. He hesitated in the middle staring down at the place where they'd killed her, Soda a few steps behind him. There was no sign of his foster sister's makeshift grave, and he was glad. She'd like the grass better…grass and weeds and maybe even a frog somewhere. She would lay on her stomach in the grass and watch the bugs, or flip onto her back and nap in the sun. She'd wait for stray cats to wander by and dream about kangaroos and getting out of this hellhole.
He didn't realize a tear was running down his cheeks until it dripped off of his face, and he wiped the wetness away impatiently. Lianne was okay.
Ponyboy wondered again if she was watching him now.
He passed the grave that wasn't a grave and headed back to the forest behind the bar, going straight to the place where he'd slept, just deep enough in the woods to be hidden from the bar, but not so deep that it was out of sight. Then, in a move he was sure was baffling to his brother, he sat down, back against the same tree he'd slept against what felt like so long ago, curled up against the impossible cold of a winter night. The cold dew seeped into the denim of his jeans, but he didn't care…it had been colder those mornings he'd cried while he'd watched the sun rise.
Soda hesitated, then sat beside him, his shoulder pressed to Pony's. He was quiet for a while, letting Pony lean on him, then finally, he spoke up. "You want to tell me why we're here?" he asked softly, not sounding impatient or anything…just confused and worried and everything Pony had tried so hard to shield him from.
"I slept out here…when he tried to…" He still couldn't say it…couldn't get the words past the lump in his throat. "I ran out of the house. Probably sprained my ankle when I jumped off the porch. And I ran all the way here. I was so cold…and I wanted you so bad." His voice cracked and Soda threw an arm around him, pulling him close. Pony hadn't talked about this with Soda in a long time…had thought the pain was finally starting to pass. But in his dream, he'd been here again. Alone and afraid and wishing so hard for his brothers that it had made his chest ache. "I wanted you so bad it hurt, Soda."
"Oh, kiddo…" Soda murmured, rubbing a hand up and down his arm like he was trying to keep him warm. "How long did you sleep out here?"
"Just a couple of nights. I…I knew that if I stayed away, he'd hurt Rita. Li too." He closed his eyes, remembering those nights, and remembering how bad he'd wanted Soda and Darry. But he had them now. He had his brothers and he was safe and he'd chosen to come here. And he could leave whenever he wanted. He could get in his car that he'd bought with money he'd saved up from his job and he could drive them both home. "I couldn't let him hurt them."
"You didn't. You didn't let him do anything, Pony," he murmured, sounding fierce and sure and so much older. Pony was seventeen but sometimes he still felt like a little kid, scared and lost and faking his way through all of it. "You saved Rita's life. She'll tell anyone who'll listen. You were the only person that ever stood up to that asshole and made him stop. You protected her, over and over. You're so damn brave, Pony. I'm so proud of you. But him hurting those girls wasn't ever your fault. You dig?"
Pony nodded against his shoulder because he did. He knew that. He'd gone over and over it, in his nightmares and in therapy and with his brothers. He'd done everything he could. Every single thing he'd been able to do to protect them, he'd done. "Yeah," he whispered, sounding hoarse. "I know."
"Good."
And that wouldn't be the end of his nightmares. He wouldn't magically stop dreaming about that house or the woods behind the bar. But they would never be as bad as they had been, and when he had them, he'd remember that the house was just a house, and that the woods behind the bar were just trees, and that his brothers were always there if he needed them.
So together, Soda and Ponyboy got up and brushed their clothes off, and then they went home. And Pony never went back to that house again.
Thank you for reading!
