Chapter 46
A Break in the Pattern
Leaves fell from the trees as if in slow motion, feather-light and multi-colored against the backdrop of a golden sun. All around him, they spiraled and somersaulted in the crisp autumn air before reaching their final resting place atop the dewy, dying grass of World's End Park.
World's End Park?
He had not made any plans to visit World's End Park. He was supposed to be…actually, he could not remember what he was supposed to be doing right now. And why were leaves still falling? Most of the trees were barren by now. Something else he could not explain. The only thing he knew for sure was that she was waiting for him.
Oh. I get it now.
Alan had once again been dropped unceremoniously into a dream, the same dream he had frequently visited over the past couple of weeks, only this time, it would seem the dream was making him work for it. Usually, he entered his dreams mid-conversation with Lydia on the bench at World's End. This time, however, he had landed on the nature path that wound between Bear Lake and Moose Mountain, which meant he must follow it until he at last met up with her, no matter how much his dress shoes pinched his toes.
Dress shoes?
Alan looked down. He was indeed wearing them, and as he caught sight of the rest of his attire, he realized he was also wearing his gray suit. The minutiae of his dreams were often confusing in the beginning, so he would not question them this early on. Instead, he picked up his pace. He was still quite a good distance from the bench, and since every dream thus far had consisted of an all-too-brief-conversation with Lydia before an abrupt farewell, he could not be certain of how much time he would have with her. But then again, was it not the farewell portion that was so crucial rather than the amount of time spent with her? As he walked, Alan thought about what Muffy had postulated days ago, that this was simply his way of processing his grief. He could not deny that, although many small details changed and the subject matter of their disjointed conversations were varied, the one factor that never changed whenever he dreamed about this moment in the park was Lydia's goodbye. He heaved a voluminous breath and blew a prolonged, frustrated sigh through his nose as he walked on. The wisp of eagerness he had initially felt was giving way to dread. Well, not dread exactly. He could not define what he was feeling. Acceptance of Lydia's departure, her death, was something he very much wanted, but must he revisit this place every time he slept? Did he not deserve a break?
She was close now, just beyond the bend. Determined to see this through despite his mixed emotions, Alan squared his shoulders, and he marched on, expecting to find her there on the bench, where he had originally planned to confess his love two years ago. He anticipated playful ribbing from her, a joke about how he had kept her waiting. That was the Lydia he knew.
Had known.
Alan almost did an about-face. Someone was sitting on the bench by the loop, but it was not Lydia, and the sight of the unfamiliar and unexpected was so shocking to him that he thought he had walked up on a stranger. But a stranger she was not, and once he realized this, he stood stock still, not knowing what he should do next. Right there, on his bench, the one he always shared with Lydia, was perched none other than Muffy. This was no ordinary fishtail-plaited, school-day Muffy either. Draped in her dark purple gown, her hair swept up into a mound of cascading curls, she sat primly with her hands in her lap, fidgeting. She cast around, wide-eyed and uncertain until she caught sight of Alan, then she smiled.
"Hi," she said.
This gave Alan the courage to move, and he kept on until he was standing in front of her. "Hi. I was—"
"Expecting someone else?"
"Yeah… Yeah. A break in the pattern is most curious."
"And a disappointment?"
"It…doesn't feel like a disappointment." And it did not. He was never disappointed to see Muffy. He shook his head before taking a seat next to her, as if the action might provide him with some clarity. "I'm sorry…I'm not sure what's supposed to happen. Lydia always leaves."
"Well, don't look at me, Zen Master," she said with a shrug. "I'm just as lost as you are."
"Really? I was hoping you might give me some insight."
"It's your dream—I don't know anything you don't know."
"Oh. Right."
They sat there for several long moments, neither saying a word, until Alan felt the need to break the tension.
"So, how would you like to pass time before I wake up? We could always play chess. Using dream logic, I'm sure I could manifest a board or something."
At this, Muffy giggled. She shot him a look that was easy to read: Not even in your dreams.
"Back to awkward silence, then."
There was another long pause before Muffy perked up and asked, "Is everyone always so GQ in your dreamland? Do you, like, subconsciously demand some kind of formal dress code? Because I think that's pretty fabulous."
"Wardrobe varies from dream to dream. Admittedly, I have been occasionally thinking about the Autumn Ball, which might explain this…" Alan gestured to his suit with both hands before waving one toward Muffy's gown, "…and that."
"The Autumn Ball? Do tell."
"How to explain? A part of me feels as if I may have…missed something when I left. I was sure leaving was the right decision for me in the moment. In hindsight, however, I think I deeply regret it, and I'm not altogether sure why."
Muffy giggled again, and Alan half-expected her to swat him in the chest as she was wont to do, but she did not.
"Oh, Alan, you big, nerdy softie! It's just FOMO."
Alan thought for a moment. "Fear of missing out?"
"That's right."
"Hmm…."
"Remember how shockingly normal you are?"
It did not feel like an aha sort of solution to this particular personal mystery, but he did not have a better explanation. He had only attended the Autumn Ball to check up on Muffy, and Muffy had gotten along just fine. Could it be that he regretted not staying for the sake of staying?
"I get it," Muffy said. "You're let down. But look how far you've come. It's pretty huge for you. And there will be other parties and dances in the future—some courtesy of yours truly—and that means there will be a lot more opportunities for you to try again. Don't get discouraged."
His hand was resting on the seat of the bench, and Muffy gave it a couple of encouraging pats before allowing her hand to rest on top of it in a comforting manner. Alan stared at the gesture. Odd. It felt so tangible, so real, as if he could turn his hand over and hold hers. If he were so inclined. His thoughts were broken when she spoke again.
"I've been keeping a secret," she said.
"Yeah?" Alan said in a daze.
"Yes. About how you're different."
"I knew it!" he cried triumphantly, and he pulled his hand away from hers to point at her accusingly. "I knew you knew and you were holding back. What is it?"
Muffy did not look guilty. She grinned playfully. "Come closer, and I'll tell you."
Alan slid over, narrowing the already small gap between them.
"Closer than that."
Alan looked around. No one was anywhere near them, but he did as she said and leaned toward her as Muffy did the same. She took hold of his shoulder, pulled him close, and their cheeks were a millimeter apart when she whispered, "Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, it's—"
"AH! I'M NOT ASLEEP!" Prunella yelped.
The outburst woke Alan with a start, and he sat bolt upright on his yoga mat, heart hammering in his chest. "Ah! Neither am I!" he yelled. Gone was his gray suit. No longer next to Muffy on the bench at World's End, he found himself back in his garage, clad in a tee and basketball shorts. The space heater hummed away on full blast as both he and Prunella took several deep breaths, composing themselves and collecting their thoughts. Once again, he had dozed off during Shavasana, and once again, he had not been the only one. His dream had been interrupted as well, but not before he had learned Muffy's secret. Well, it was his secret, he realized. Now he need only speak with Muffy to confirm they were on the same page. He felt energized, hopeful. The same could not be said for Prunella, who looked groggy. She rubbed her eyes and groaned loudly before regarding Alan with a drowsy gaze.
"What do you say we move class up an hour or two so we can both sleep in?" she said.
To be continued…
