Disclaimer: Credit to Jonathan Nolan, Greg Plageman, and the POI writing team for these lovely characters (though Elena is mine). Any bolded sections come straight from the episodes.
THE DETECTIVE AND MRS. RILEY
Ellie with the Pink Hair
Timeline
• Queensbridge Park
• Elena Cassidy's Home for Retired Assassins (ch 3)
• Fusco Meets the Rileys (ch 4)
• Little Mistress Normal (ch 5)
• Drinks (ch 10)
• Detective Darkness and Little Miss Sunshine (ch 12)
• Bear's Collection (ch 2)
• Home Safe Home (ch 9)
• Hell in the Hamptons (ch 13-16)
• Bets on Broadway (ch 11)
• Swingers Cruise (ch 6)
• Knockout (ch 8)
• ELLIE WITH THE PINK HAIR
• Queen E (ch 1)
• Toxic (ch 17)
• Get to the Chopper! (ch 7)
• Queensbridge Park epilogue
Episode inspo:
LEON: Listen, Candi, I just want to say, I think you're really special.
[door bursts open]
LEON: Hey, wh—? Don't you knock?
NIGERIAN SCAMMER: You stole our money. We want it back.
LEON: Are you the Nigerian scammers? I can't believe you're actually Nigerian!
CANDI [to scammers]: Five hundred bucks. Now.
LEON: Candi, you set me up? I thought we had something.
Later, while helping Reese and Finch with a Number
LEON [to another girl]: You remind me of a girl: Candi. Have you ever considered pink hair?
The next morning
LEON: It's not like I'm still crying over Candi, but it's always the same story, you know? You find a girl you like, she's tall, she's pretty ... and it turns out someone paid her to handcuff you to a bed so they could murder you.
REESE: Same old story.
— All In (s2e18)
"Here, wear this."
Elena stares in faint horror at the wig Shaw is handing her. Her reaction, Shaw thinks, is a perfect example of why Little Miss Normal could be really abnormal sometimes.
Because she hadn't been horrified when Shaw (and a very reluctant Reese) had asked her to play a server at a gentleman's club to help with their latest Number.
She hadn't been horrified when Shaw (and a very, extremely reluctant Reese) had shown her the corset and barely-there shorts the servers at the club wear.
But the wig, apparently, is going to be the dealbreaker.
"What?" Shaw demands.
"It's pink."
"Congrats, you're not color blind."
"In all the time we've known each other, have you ever seen me wear anything that's pink, Sameen?"
Shaw considers. "Huh, guess not. That's funny, I just thought: Cassidy, girly, pink —"
Elena looks beyond affronted. "Do you know me at all?"
"Apparently not."
"Apparently we are not friends."
"Never said we were."
"Oh!" Elena flounders for a good retort. "Go ... go fuck yourself, Sameen," she stutters.
"Maybe I will."
Shaw winks and strolls out the door. Reese glances at Bear, who had watched the exchange between Hammer Lady and Pretty Lady like watching a Yellow Orb match.
"Now that you know how to fight back, perhaps we should work on your comebacks," Reese suggests, as he continues to organize a suitcase full of guns and other assorted spyware.
She tosses the wig at his face, but he catches it easily. "It's the principle of the matter," she says indignantly. "I don't see you being forced to wear a pink wig."
"Pink's not really my color," he says mildly, tossing it back to her. "It'll look good on you, though."
"You think?" She tests it out in the mirror, then frowns at his reflection. "That's not going to work on me, John."
"Well, it's working on me."
Elena rolls her eyes. "Yeah, okay, Boy Scout," she says as she disappears into the bathroom to get ready. "I'm going to wear it, no need to flirt."
Reese looks at Bear. "Why doesn't she ever believe me?"
And he swears he sees Bear shrug.
Their Number is sitting at his usual booth in the club. Reese is working as a security guard, Shaw as a bartender, and Elena as one of the scantily-clad servers flitting around the place.
Despite his misgivings including Elena on this job, Reese has to say the pink wig was a good choice. Not just because it does look good on her, but also because it's easier to keep an eye on her amid the shadows and flashing lights.
Reese looks over as a group enters and sees a familiar face grinning up at him.
"Hey, buddy! Long time no see!"
"Leon, now's not really a good —"
"Oh, are you saving someone?" Leon Tao, a repeat Number, says in a dramatic whisper.
Elena chooses that moment to sidle up to them, and Leon's eyes light up as they land on her pink wig.
"Well, hello."
"Leon, this is —"
"I'm Ellie," she introduces herself with a bright smile that dazzles Leon.
Across the club, Reese spots activity in their Number's booth as he begins to slump over thanks to the drinks Shaw had spiked and Elena had served. Shaw is already cutting through the mass of people.
"His crew is taking him out the back way," Shaw says in his and Elena's earpieces. "This is going to be easier than I thought."
Reese glances back at Leon, eyes narrowed. "Why are you here?"
"Business." He glances at Elena. "And pleasure."
Reese grabs the front of Leon's suit and nearly lifts him from the ground. "What business are you involved in this time, Leon?"
"I'm meeting a guy on a new venture. Wouldn't tell me a thing over the phone. He usually sits in that booth over there."
"Hey, Reese?" Shaw's voice says in his ear. "A group of not-so-friendly-looking guys just showed up. Might need your backup."
"El, take Leon up to the hotel room," Reese instructs.
"Really?!" Leon and Elena exclaim.
"He's a friend," Reese explains to Elena. "And he's likely also in trouble if he's meeting up with our guy. And Leon? Keep your hands to yourself," he warns.
"What, she's not a hooker?"
"No." There's a dangerous glint in Reese's eyes. "She's my wife."
"That was quick," Elena comments a few minutes later as Reese and Shaw drag their Number into one of the two adjoining rooms they'd booked for the night.
"Might take a bit longer. Shaw gave him too much," Reese grumbles.
"Didn't realize he was such a lightweight," Shaw says, as they dump him unceremoniously in the bathtub.
"It'll make cleanup easier later," Reese explains to Elena when she looks at them dubiously.
Her eyes widen. "I thought you were just going to question him."
"And what should we do when he doesn't just answer?" Shaw challenges. "Ask again nicely? Smile at him and offer him some freshly baked cookies?"
"You know I can't bake," Elena sniffs. "What can I do?"
"Distract Leon while we question this guy."
Elena raises her eyebrows. "Distract him how?"
Reese gives her an unamused look. He tosses a hotel bathrobe at her. "Use your words, El."
"Oh, but it's always so much better to show than tell," she pouts, and it takes a lot of effort not to be distracted himself.
"Stop, or I'm going to get angry," he warns in a low voice.
"Promise?" she asks slyly.
"You both stop, or I'm going to get angry," Shaw butts in. "Go play with the pets, Cassidy."
With a huff, Elena disappears through the adjoining door.
"So you're John's wife?" Leon asks, halfway through a mini bottle of Absolut. "Like, are you two actually married, or is this just an undercover thing?"
"Actually married, as far as I can tell," Elena answers cheerily, taking a mini Tanqueray and clinking bottles with him. She holds up her hand to show her ring before she remembers she'd taken it off earlier that night.
"What? I can't believe you didn't invite me to the wedding, John!" Leon calls toward the adjoining room.
"I sprung it on him," Elena admits. "He didn't have time to draw up a guest list."
"Shotgun wedding?"
Elena considers the question literally. "I'm not sure he was armed when we got married." She shakes her head. "Who am I kidding? It's John. Of course he was."
Leon looks at Elena appraisingly. "You must be some sort of badass ninja person, too, huh?"
"Oh, no," she laughs. "I'm just ... normal."
They both look up as a loud thud comes from the other room.
"Yeah, no offense, but I don't think anyone who runs around with John and that scary chick can be called 'normal'."
"You'd be surprised how many people call me that," Elena says honestly, closing the adjoining door. "So how exactly do you know John?"
"He hasn't told you about me? I'm hurt, hurt! After all we've been through together!"
"You know John. He's not talkative."
Even with the door closed, they can hear the muffled sounds of John definitely not using his words to intimidate their Number. She hopes the guy gives in soon, before Bad Cop takes her turn.
"True that," Leon agrees. "You really want to know?"
"Of course."
He picks out a Bacardi next from the mini fridge and offers it to her, but she waves him off and selects a mini Jack.
"Well, a few years back, I was unwittingly working for the Aryan Nation, laundering drug money for them. So I decided to steal it back. You know, do my part to fight racism and evil. Only they found out."
"And John came out of nowhere to save you?" she guesses.
"It was a little more complicated — and dangerous — than that," Leon emphasizes. "But yeah. And then a few months later, I got involved in gold farming."
"Gold farming?"
"It's when you sell online game currency for real money. It was a great gig! Until the Russian mafia figured out what I was doing, and John showed up again."
"The Russian mafia always ruins things. No sense of humor," Elena says sympathetically.
"Right? Then I scammed some Nigerian scammers, but they found out and got Candi to trick me into a hotel room so they could kill me."
"Candi?"
"She was a hooker with a heart of gold and pink hair. Well, not a heart of gold, as it turns out."
Elena's eyes light up with amusement. "So that's why my wig caught your attention."
"Yeah. It ... it looked really good on you. You should keep it. You know, for John. Though, you're way too pretty for him, even without the wig."
"Really?" Elena blinks. "I'm always convinced he's too pretty for me."
"Nah, no one can be too pretty for you."
In the next room, Reese and Shaw glance at each other as they wipe their hands. The Number had folded within seconds of Bad Cop entering the room.
"You're not going to beat him up for flirting with your wife?" Shaw asks.
Reese shrugs unconcernedly. "It's Leon. He tries anything, I just won't save him the next time his Number comes up. Besides, you flirt with her all the time, Shaw. Haven't beaten you up yet."
"Oh, I'd like to see you try."
"You know, I've done my share of saving them, too," Leon is saying, now swigging from a mini Jaeger. "I saved that scary chick after she'd been killed."
"Sameen?"
"Yeah, but she tried to strangle me when she came back to life."
Elena nods. "That sounds like her."
"And then I helped John and Finch take down a crooked casino owner in Atlantic City."
"Really?"
"I went undercover as a playboy millionaire." Elena's looking at him expectantly, so he elaborates. "I was the distraction while Finchy and John were hacking into his books," he admits. "But I was an integral part of their plan."
"Of course you were!"
"And dangerous, too! We got caught, and the casino owner made us play Russian roulette."
"What?! How'd you escape?"
"I waited for John to beat everyone up."
Elena beams at him. "That's exactly what I do, too."
After Leon had fallen asleep on the bed with Bear, Elena pokes her head into the adjoining room.
"We're done," John says, when she sees the bathroom's empty. "Shaw went to drop off our guy and get us something to eat." He gives her a chiding look. "You shouldn't lead Leon on like that, Elena."
"Oh, I don't know," Elena says airily. "He seems to know his way around a good financial scam."
"If he did, he wouldn't keep getting caught."
"Tell me, did he play the playboy millionaire well?"
"You know, I play John Rooney, asset manager and millionaire well," he points out. "And I play John Wiley, hedge fund manager and multimillionaire, really well."
"Ugh, Wall Street types. Been there, done that."
His gaze darkens at the allusion to her ex, Adam Saunders. She gives him a saucy look.
"You trying to make me jealous?" he asks.
"Is it working?"
She tries to bolt, but the space is small and the Man in a Suit is fast. But not fast enough to beat Shaw, who walks in with their usual orders from Jimmy John's.
"I was gone for literally five minutes!" she says, chucking their sandwiches at them, which Reese catches easily.
"They are freaky fast," Elena says with an apologetic look at Reese as she pulls away.
"Yeah, they're not the only freaky ones," Shaw retorts.
After setting Leon on the right path, at least for the next couple of weeks, Reese arrives home a few minutes after Shaw and Elena.
As he walks upstairs, he looks down at the text he just received from Shaw.
Hope you like your present. Even gift-wrapped it for you.
He cautiously enters his and Elena's bedroom. He can hear Elena moving around in their closet. Well, they share it, but since his wardrobe isn't extensive, it's mostly filled with Elena's clothes.
He looks around, trying to spot whatever booby trap Shaw had set up.
"John? Is that you?" Elena's voice calls out.
"Yep."
She steps into the room, and he blinks. She's still wearing the corset from the club, but she's removed the pink wig, leaving just her brown waves spilling around her shoulders. Which is almost too much for his brain to handle.
"I can't undo the ties," she says in irritation. "Sameen tied it for me, and I think she's playing a prank on us because I don't know how on earth the strings got so tangled."
Prank ... or present? A small smile tugging at his lips, Reese silently gestures for her to turn around so he can see the damage.
Shaw certainly had put effort in the knot. He'd have to thank the ex-Marine.
"Yep, this'll work," he mutters to himself.
Elena shoots him a confused look over her shoulder, then catches the glint there. "Oh!" She gives him a coy smile. "So it works even without the wig? Because I can put it back on —"
"Don't even think about it," he says in a low voice that makes her shiver. "Now, Mrs. Riley, can I persuade you to keep this corset on for a little while longer?"
"How much longer? Five minutes?"
"Five?" he repeats, affronted.
She lets out an exclamation of surprise when he lifts her up and tosses her gently down onto the bed.
There are advantages, Elena muses hazily much, much later, to having a husband who is both an overachiever and a bit of a showoff.
Notes:
The details about Leon's exploits come from the episodes he was in: The Contingency (s2e01, scamming the Aryan Nation), Critical (s2e07, gold farming), Relevance (s2e16, Shaw in the ambulance), and All In (s2e18, Candi, Nigerian Scammers, Atlantic City).
The John Rooney and John Wiley aliases are ones Reese uses a few times throughout seasons 1 to 3.
