Fitz went running after her. He's never seen that look in her eye. He regretted the words the moment it left his mouth. He didn't mean it but there it was. He's never seen that much hurt in her eyes before and it killed him to know he put it there. He reaches for her, and she grabs her hand back.
"Don't touch me," she says quickly.
"Livvie, you know I didn't mean that. You know that" Fitz says with a pleading in his eyes that she's never seen before. Her heart knows it didn't but the therapist in her is questioning his words.
"You may not have meant it but you were thinking it which means." Liv stops herself. She can't stop the tears from falling.
He shakily grabs for her hand, "I'm sorry."
"Just let me go," she answers.
"No, we need to talk about this. I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. You know I didn't mean it. I know you would never do anything like that," he answers.
"But I did. I have done something like that before and now you think I did it to you."
"I know you didn't. I was just…I shouldn't have said it."
"I am going to sleep in the guest room. I need some space," she answers as she turns to leave.
Fitz looks around the room, "No. You just got out of the hospital. You stay in the room. I'll stay in the guestroom."
"Thank you!" she says sadly.
"Just let me get some things."
She walks over, sitting on the bed, watching the love of her life grab some pajamas and outfit and a toothbrush to leave their bedroom. It pangs her to watch him, this way. This is the kind of scene you see in a movie. She turns away so he doesn't see her crying. She notices he grabs more than one outfit and that hurts even more. He goes to the door to leave. "I love you," he says. Those are the only words he can think to say. But they mean more than anything in that moment.
She swipes her face to dry the tears, "I know."
Fitz hesitates to leave he wants nothing more to scoop her up and hold her in his arms. He goes out of the door and closes it softly. She lays on the bed and begins to cry uncontrollably.
It's the next morning. The penthouse is dead silent. Liv hasn't left their bedroom since their fight. Fitz laid in bed, in the guestroom, as long as he could. He knew there wouldn't be a warm face to greet him. He decides to get up and fix some breakfast. His phone rings. He sees who it is and takes a breath.
"Good morning Mom!"
"I am almost there. I just wanted to make sure you two were up. I made some soup for Olivia and some goodies for you."
"Ummm Mom," he stops himself. He knows he knows he needs to tell her what's going on.
"I'll see you when you get here," he answers. It doesn't go unnoticed that he said, I. They hang up. He goes and brushes his teeth and takes a quick shower and changes his clothes. He leaves the bedroom, hoping against hope, that his wife will be there. But of course, she's not.
He rumbles through the refrigerator. She can hear the little commotion he's making. She pulls the covers tighter to her as she pulls his pillow closer to her. She's held it all night. After a while she hears a light thump at the door. She doesn't answer. Fitz puts the breakfast tray down.
"Livvie, I made you some breakfast. You need to eat," he says cautiously. She doesn't respond. "I'm going to leave it hear for you." The gesture just makes her sad and she begins to cry all over again. He wants to just break the door down and grab her and hold her. But he knows he can't. He walks away.
Olivia lays in bed for a while. She's actually tired of crying. She cried for what seems like all night. She decides to take a shower. She is starving but she's afraid if she opens the door he will be there and she'
He sits at the breakfast nook and thinks about their argument when there is a buzz at the door. He goes and lets his mother in.
She goes into the bathroom and relieves herself. There is the blaring reminder of what happened in the last 24 hours. The loss and the pain. She stares at the red stains and wipes the tear she didn't know had escaped her eyes. And its then that she hears those words again. The accusation from the man she loves. She decides to take a shower and try to wash the last 24 hours away.
Fitz looks down the hall at the tray still there as he opens the door for his mom whose arms are full of bags with the one of the building bellman behind her. Before he can open his mouth, she says, "You look like hell."
"Well thanks mom," Fitz says as he lets her and the bellman in with the bags.
"There are bags under your eyes bigger than the bags I have here. You look like you haven't slept in days," she says as the bellman follows behind her with bag.
Fitz look out of the door and sees more bags, "I didn't sleep well last night, that's all."
"Wait there are more bags out there," she says. "It looks like you didn't sleep at all," she continues.
"Mom, you didn't have to make groceries for us," Fitz says as he looks out of the door and sees the other bags.
Corinne has already made it to the fridge. She looks inside and sees she did the right thing. "You said Olivia wasn't feeling well and you were out of town. You probably needed groceries." She says as she starts putting the groceries away.
Fitz gives the bellman a tip as he joins his mother in the kitchen, "Thank you mom! I don't want you to think I don't appreciate it because I do." He realizes how it comes out and he quickly tries to cover, "We appreciate it."
Corinne stops, giving him a look. "Son, what's going on? You told me on the phone that you would look forward to seeing me. Olivia is sick. What's going on?"
Fitz drops his head, scratching the back of his neck. "Livvie had a miscarriage yesterday."
Corinne quickly touches her chest, "What? She was pregnant."
Fitz takes a breath, "Yes, she was," he says sadly. "We found out the night she fainted at the party."
"And you didn't tell us," Corinne says.
"She wanted to wait mom. She wanted to make sure everything was okay before we told everyone."
Corinne is now quiet. It dawns on her why that man may have been in the hospital yesterday. Was it because of Olivia? She asks, "Was she here?"
"No, she was at work and was taken to the hospital."
Corinne walks over to her son, knowing he needs a mom right now. "Honey, I'm so sorry. That's never easy. It wasn't easy for me."
Fitz looks at his mother surprised. This is the first time he's hearing this. "After I had you. We wanted another so bad and I got pregnant. I was about 10 weeks and I lost it. It's never easy."
"You never told me that mom," Fitz says.
"There was nothing to tell. In a lot of ways, I am grateful it happened earlier on. It would have killed me otherwise, later on, but it was still hard."
Liv has finished her shower and she slowly opens the door to pull her tray in when she hears Corinne and Fitz's voice. She stands at the door and listens quietly.
"And then I fucked up," Fitz adds.
Corinne slaps his arm, "Watch your language young man." She scolds him. "How did you fuck up?"
Fitz can't help but chuckle. "Olivia wasn't that happy about us having a baby so soon. She wanted us to settle into married life and she just wasn't sure."
"Wasn't sure about what?"
"Having a baby period," he confides.
"Well, women have that fear. Bringing a child into this world is a real responsibility and amazing gift at the same time. It's a natural feeling. Were you two fighting about it?" Corinne asks.
"That wasn't what the fight was about," Fitz struggles to explain.
Corinne's wheels are turning. She's wondering if this has something to do with the mystery man. Does Fitz know about the mystery man at all? "What happened son?
Liv rest her head on the door to hear what else her husband has to say. She knows Fitz is going to have to reveal her ugly secret.
"Liv had an abortion when she was married to that nutjub of an ex-husband. She wasn't really sure what she wanted. She knew she didn't want to be a mother, not at that time, and not with him. But she misled him. She told him she had a miscarriage."
Corinne's face is shocked to say the least. "Oh my!"
Fitz can see the look in her face. "This is still Livvie mom. She's a good person. She just…."
Corinne grabs his hand, "I am not judging. I don't know why she would lie to her husband that way but after what Jake did to her. You have to believe she made the right choice. "
Liv hears this and the tears begin to fall again.
"I threw that in her face. I asked her if she really had miscarriage since I wasn't here and someone else was with her when she lost the baby," Fitz admits.
Corinne puts her hand on top of Fitz. "That's not like you."
"My jealously got the best of me and before I knew it, I said it."
"Your jealousy," Corinne asks.
"Olivia's old boyfriend was in town. They had lunch together and then he was at her office when the miscarriage started. I was upset and I just…"
"You spoke before you thought," Corinne says.
"He was her first and I've met him. I have no right to be jealous of him. I had a past before I met her but I can't help it."
"You love your wife," Corinne contends.
"But I had no right to call her a liar and I know there's nothing going on between her and Curtis. I never should have said that. I hurt her and what I said, I can't take back."
"This is the only wisdom I can give you, give her some time. Give her some space. Let her come to you when she's ready."
"I don't want to lose my wife mom. If she doesn't want kids that's fine. I love her for her. I married her, for her.
Just then, Liv appears with the breakfast tray in hand. "Good Morning!"
Corinne and Fitz turn to see Liv standing there. Fitz runs to her, to take the tray. "You okay," Fitz asks.
Liv just nods that she is. Corinne goes over to her. "Why don't you sit down?"
"I would actually like some of that soup you have. I know that is not exactly breakfast but…"
"You can eat whatever you like," Corinne smiles.
Fitz feels like Liv needs to talk to someone other than him. He interjects, "I will heat the soup. You two have a seat." Liv and Fitz hold a look with each other. Fitz is just glad that she's in the same space with him.
Corinne is feeling more than guilty. "How are you feeling?"
Liv steals a glance at Fitz and then back at Corinne, "Besides empty, fine."
Corinne places her hand on top of hers, "It will get better. I promise you that."
"Thank you for the soup. You didn't have to," Liv answers. She is a bit surprised by Corinne's different behavior. She was so short with her before.
"Liv, I know I was short with you when we last spoke and I apologize. I shouldn't have acted that way. I was overreacting to some things and I took it out on you," Corinne explains.
Liv lets out a small smile, "Thanks! I have to admit I was worried."
Fitz is looking on, very confused as to what they are talking about. He obviously missed something. He places the soup in front of Liv. He fixes everything the way she likes it. He has a glass of water and saltine crackers. Liv smiles that he knows.
"Thank you," she says softly.
Fitz just stands by the kitchen island staring at her. Corinne gives him a nod. "You haven't seen anything weird that we need to alert the doctor about did you?" Fitz asks.
"No," she says softly. She looks at Corinne and then back at her bowl of soup, "The bleeding is not abnormal and it's not alarmingly heavy. That would be a concern. So, it all looks normal."
Fitz resists the urge to reach out and touch her. Corinne steps in, "Have you talked to your mom?"
Liv stops eating thinking about something else that happened in the last 24 hours. "She's coming in a few days, I'm sure. Harrison and Quinn had the baby last night. My mother has been on standby for this…" the sadness sets in. "For the baby."
"Doesn't know about," Corinne starts.
Fitz answers, "No she doesn't."
Liv looks out of sorts, "With everything going on last night, I don't know if Harry got a chance to call them. I need to call her."
"You need to eat your soup," Fitz says forcefully. He realizes how it came out. "If you want to. "
"I'll finish it," Liv says.
"How about I go and call Harrison. See if he's talked to your parents already. Then I'll call Maya. You eat and rest," Fitz offers.
"Thanks, but don't tell her about…I'd like to tell her myself. Although if she's already talked to Harry, he probably told her." Liv says.
Fitz excuses himself and goes to his office to make the phone call. Liv starts to eat her soup. Her and Corinne are quiet. "Olivia, I need to explain myself." Liv looks up at her puzzled. "There was a reason for my attitude."
"You don't owe me an explanation. We all have our bad days. I am certainly having mine," Olivia answers with sadness.
"But I thought you were cheating on my son," Corinne furthers.
Liv looks at her bewildered. "I would never cheat on Fitz."
"You went to lunch the other day with a guy, and I was having lunch with one of my foundation committee members and I saw the two of you together. You looked so familiar with each other, I just…. I was wrong to jump to conclusions."
Liv quickly puts two and two together. "That's why you wanted to talk to Fitz."
"Yes, that's why I wanted to talk to Fitz."
"You could have come over Corinne. I would have told you exactly who he was. I wasn't having a secret lunch."
Corinne has never felt more guilty. "Just imagine you were me for a moment. I saw my son's wife having lunch with a man that I could tell it wasn't work. I could tell you two were close."
"Curtis will always be special to me, but I would never sacrifice my marriage for him. I love Fitz with all my heart. That's why the last 24 hours hurt so much," Liv starts to explain.
"And my behavior made things worse," Corinne says ashamed.
"Yes, I didn't want a baby. At least not right now but to lose that baby before I even had a chance to warm up to the idea, I suppose that's my punishment. And then to have my husband not believe in my words, that hurts."
"I am sorry," Corinne answers.
"Now my mother-in-law thought I was a cheater," Liv shakes her head. "I suppose the past always catches up with you. I should have told him I had lunch with Curtis. I never should have misled Jake about the truth." She can see Corinne is trying to not react. "I heard Fitz tell you earlier about what I did."
"You had your reasons," Corinne says.
"I may have but I shouldn't have lied about it. A lie is a lie, no matter what."
"Fitz didn't mean what he said Olivia," Corinne tries to assure her.
"Maybe he did," Liv says as she stares down into her soup
Fitz is now on the phone with Maya. To say she is over the moon about the baby is an understatement. It pains him to hear her so happy about grandchild, knowing what just happened to their baby. He knows it is selfish to act that way, but he can't help how he's feeling. But then he's thankful because maybe Harrison didn't tell her, and he doesn't have to dodge any questions.
"What's wrong with Olivia?" Maya asks.
"What do you mean wrong with her?" Fitz asks.
"Harry said you two rushed homes because of Olivia and that was all he would say. I know my children Fitz. I know when they share a secret. I know when they call themselves protecting the other out of fear of how Eli and I will react. So, I know something happened. What happened?"
Fitz quickly remembers what Liv said, "I think that is something you should talk to Liv about."
"I am asking her husband, who she spends her life with. What's wrong with my baby?"
Just the words are a punch in the gut. "She had a miscarriage."
"She what?" Maya responds.
"She had a miscarriage yesterday and that's why Harrison and I rushed home. Then Quinn went into labor," Fitz further explains.
"Is Liv, okay? Did you two know she was pregnant?" Maya asks. She's confused now more than ever.
"Yes, we knew. We were waiting to tell the family at the right time," Fitz answers.
"Let me talk to her," Maya asks.
"She's finally eating. Can you give her a little time?"
"Of course! I'm just worried about my baby."
Fitz decides to confide in his mother-in-law, "I said something I shouldn't have."
"To who?"
"To Liv. I wasn't here when she had the miscarriage, but Curtis Price was. He brought her to the hospital. I was so upset about it all of it, that I said something I shouldn't have. I feel like shit, and I know I hurt her bad."
"What did you say?" Maya asks.
"I asked her if she really had a miscarriage," Fitz reveals.
Maya is silent for a moment, realizing what he said. "Fitz," she simply responds.
"If you want to chew my ass out, I get it."
"I am not going to chew you out. I know you didn't mean it. That's not who you are but I want you to know something about Olivia and Jake's relationship. I don't know what she's confided in you, but she knew Jake wasn't the one but losing Stephen was hard. There was so much left unsaid and unfinished, and Jake was the first one to come along and she made herself believe it was right. But deep down she knew, and I think that's why she did what she did. When she finally confided in me, I told her it was wrong, but it was already done. As far as Curtis, they went through a lot together, things that I know she hasn't confided in me, but she loves you. She loves you with her whole heart. Curtis doesn't have a piece of that."
"I love her with my whole heart Maya. I guess, I knowing what Curtis was to her, makes me jealous. I know he's not a threat, but he will always have that piece of her that they'll share. And just knowing he was there when we lost our baby…."
"Fitz, he was her first physical experience, but he wasn't her first love. I know how much she loved Stephen, but he wasn't the love of her life. You are the love of her life. That's something that Curtis, no event Stephen will ever be," Maya explains.
"I've said I was sorry. I don't know what else to say to her," Fitz sighs.
"Don't say anything. Just be there as much as she will let you. She's feeling guilty about a lot of things, not just the present. Let her work through that. She will be waiting for you on the other side, I promise."
Fitz's face finally relaxes. "Thank you for listening."
"Here's what I am going to do. I am going to give you two some space and I'll let Harry and Quinn get settled in before I come down. They need to get used to parenthood and you two need to breathe. I'll come when the time is right," Maya says.
"You know you are welcome any time," Fitz says.
"I know but you two need this. I'll call and check on Liv tomorrow and talk to her," Maya says.
"Okay," Fitz nods.
They hang up and Fitz makes his way to back into the living area and stops when he hears Olivia and Corinne still talking.
"My son is a man. He's a real man. He's strong and proud and thoughtful but he's also a man. He's sensitive and has a big heart and he loves hard. And he gets very protective when he thinks something is going to take those things away from him. He just doesn't want to lose you."
"He doesn't have that to worry about," Liv assures her.
"Then just tell him that. Let him know what he needs to know but let him know you need to sort out your feelings. He will respect that," Corinne suggests.
"I can do that," Liv smiles.
Fitz makes his appearance. Corinne sees him out of the corner of her eye. "So, I think you two have enough groceries here for now. I am going to go so you two can talk. I think you need that. If you need anything, let me know."
"Thank you, Corinne, so much," Liv says as Fitz clears his throat. Liv turns to see him.
Corinne leaves as Fitz and Liv stand waiting for the other to speak. Neither of them knows where to start. The both of them are in pain. They just want to take it away for each other.
"I'll say it as many times as I have to, I'm sorry," Fitz says. "I never should have said that to you. No matter what I was feeling or thinking. I shouldn't have said it," Fitz says.
"I understand why you did. It hurt but I understand why you did," Liv answers.
"Doesn't make it right," Fitz answers.
"I'm sorry for not telling you that Curtis was in town and that we had lunch. I shouldn't have kept it from you. I thought we could avoid exactly what's happening now if I did. I should know better but I also need to be honest with you about me and Curtis. Especially our relationship," she starts. Fitz gets a scared look on her face that she recognizes right away. She reaches for his hand, "Can we sit over here and talk?"
Fitz is now thinking all of his worst fears are about to come true. He reluctantly goes over to the couch with her. "You don't have to tell me about your relationship. I don't need to know the details, Livvie. I don't want to know," he answers.
"I need to tell you what happened and why we broke up. It's very important to our relationship now. That's why I need to explain it to you," Liv says.
He can't see there's a whole story there. He's curious to say the least. "Okay."
"I told you before, Curtis was everything my parents didn't want me to date. He cut school. He was in a gang, which I tried to hide from my parents. Every now and then he sold rocks. I knew he was bad for me but at that time it appealed to me. Kind of like being friends with Roxie was bad. She's nuts but I love her to death," Liv laughs. The first time she's cracked a smile since everything happened. Fitz was glad to see it grace her face.
"She's loveable," Fitz laughs back.
"And totally raunchy," Liv smiles back.
"Hey if it weren't for her," Fitz starts. Before he can finish live puts her finger on his lip.
"Do not finish that sentence Mr. Grant," she instructs him.
"She taught you to be loveable," Fitz winks.
"Anyway," Liv shakes her head. "One night, Curtis and his boys had a party at Curtis' brother's place. My mother thought I was at Roxie's, but I was with Curtis. The party was going great. Everyone was having a great time. I drunk more than I should have. But I was Curtis' girl. I wanted to be cool. The worst kind of peer pressure," she continues as her hands start to get clammy and she starts rubbing them together.
Fitz envelopes her hand in his. He can see she's nervous, "I'm here."
"I started not to feel good, and Curtis took me to his room to lie down. He stayed in there with me for a while until I fell asleep. I don't know what happened. When I woke up, one of his boys, had undone my shirt and was kissing me. I started to scream. He covered my mouth and pent me down. I couldn't' get away from but hell if I didn't try. We tussled in that bed for what seemed like forever before I kicked him in his nuts." She's shaking at this point.
"And then what happened?" Fitz asks.
"And Curtis came in. He was coming into to check on me. He looked at me and around the room and at Ian on the floor clutching his dick in his hand in pain. He could tell I looked scared out of my mind. And before I could say anything he grabbed him up off the floor and started punching him."
"Someone needed to," Fitz says.
"Apparently, Curtis and Ian had this long-standing thing about me. Curtis had warned him against coming at me. Ian saw his chance and was going to take it I guess," Liv shakes her head.
"He could have…." Fitz hates even saying the words. "I am glad he didn't."
"They fought and Curtis kicked him out of the house. I guess Ian was embarrassed because everyone saw it."
"Why?"
"About a week later, I was with Curtis, hanging out at one of our favorite places and suddenly, someone in a car drove by shooting. Curtis covered me but he got hit in the leg. We knew exactly who it was."
"That fucker tried to kill you both," Fitz say angrily. The vein in his neck is prominent. "Is he in jail now?"
"He's dead," Liv says.
Fitz looked at her shocked. "How?"
"Unsolved," Liv says.
Fitz looks at her dead in her eyes. "Did Curtis kill him?"
"He couldn't have. He was in the hospital recovering when it happened. I suspect it was his crew that retaliated but no one talked. From what the report said, it looked like Ian ate his gun."
"Livvie," Fitz says.
"After that, Curtis was scared for me. I was scared for me. My parents put their foot down and honestly, I understood why. I had dreams and goals, and I knew going down that road with Curtis wasn't going to do me any good. So, I broke up with him."
"You did the right thing Livvie," Fitz says as he rubs her shoulders.
She smiles at him, "I did, did I."
He holds up her hand with the wedding ring on it. "You definitely did."
"We will always have a special relationship and I'll always be grateful to him for all times he was there for me. But I am madly in love with you, and I am sorry if his presence made you feel differently," Liv says as she caresses his face.
"I just don't want to lose you," Fitz says.
"I don't want to lose you either and you won't lose me but…"
Before she can finish her sentence Fitz interjects, "If I ever say something like I said last night, I'll kick my own ass."
Liv lets out a hearty laugh that is like music to Fitz's ears. "That's fair."
"I am sorry if I made you feel like we had to have a baby so soon. If you don't want kids, I respect that. Do I want kids with you, I'd love it but is a deal breaker, no."
Liv holds his hand in hers, "After everything that happened with Curtis I just focused so much on school and chasing my goal. I wanted kids. I could see myself with a baby. My mom is amazing. But when Stephen died, I just felt like fate was playing a joke on me. I suddenly felt like no kids was okay especially if life deals you bad hands."
Fitz brings her hand to his mouth, "Fate did pretty good."
"Yes, but I knew my life wasn't with Jake. I made that bed and had to sleep in it and rightfully so."
"You've had a lot of loss in your life, it makes sense why you are afraid. But I promise you, you never have to be afraid with me, no matter what it is," Fitz promises her.
"I had a miscarriage Fitz. I hope you truly believe that" Liv says as she looks in his eyes.
"I knew that. I let my head speak for me and I shouldn't have. I was just so angry that he was there with you when you lost our baby. I let my mind play all kinds of tricks on me."
"And that's partly my fault," Liv says.
"Let's grieve our baby together and move on from this."
"I love the sound of that," Liv smiles.
"Harrison didn't say anything to your mom, but she knew something was wrong. I had to tell her," Fitz answers.
"When she gets a feeling about something she's like a dog with a bone. I am surprised she's not here already," Liv laughs.
Fitz can't help but laugh, thinking about their conversation. "She said she's going to give Harrison and Quinn a chance to settle in and give us some space to breathe and then she will be here."
Fitz turns to her, "Why don't we have a nice dinner on the terrace. Just you and me and a little quiet and then I'll run you a bath. You can have a good soak and just rest."
Liv caresses his jawline, "I don't like to soak alone." Fitz looks at her a little surprised. "What?"
"Are you sure?" Fitz says.
"We can't do anything, but you can hold me and I need that right now," Liv smiles.
"I need that too," Fitz smiles.
Fitz presses a kiss to her forehead, and he goes into the kitchen to start dinner. Liv sits on the couch and watches the best thing to ever happen to her fix them dinner. They have a wonderful dinner with the crisp breeze enveloping them. Fitz did as he promised. He ran them a bubble bath in their expansive bathroom. They enjoy the warmth of the water and each other. Fitz is pressing kisses along the side of her face and neck.
"I love you so much," Fitz says.
"I love you too," Liv says kissing the top of his hand.
"Did it hurt?" Fitz asks.
Liv turns in his arms to face him. "It did. It was just a lot of pain. I knew what was happening and it's like watching an accident happen and you can't stop it."
"I hate to say it, but I am glad that Curtis was there. What if you had been there all alone?"
"He got me straight to the hospital and I called Abby. Who I need to call tomorrow," Liv says. She stops, thinking for a moment. "The moment I knew I was losing our baby; I knew what I wanted. That's what hurt the most."
"It's okay," Fitz says, grazing her lips with his fingers.
"As soon as we can try again, that's what I want," Liv says.
"Making love to you is always what I want. It's just icing on the cake if we can make babies," he winks.
"The water is getting cold, let's go to bed," Liv says.
Fitz agrees as he helps her out of the water. And they get ready for bed. Liv's phone rings and she looks to see it's her mom. She chuckles, "She couldn't wait," Liv says to Fitz. "Hi mom," Liv responds. Fitz notices that Liv's face goes from happy to distressed. "Mom, calm down. What happened? What happened?"
To be continued…
