"The soul is a terrible reality. It can be bought and sold and bartered away."
― Oscar Wilde.

Do Not Go Gentle Chapter 19

It was with considerable difficulty that Hermione agreed to meet with Remus the following week. She felt knots in her stomach as she thought of how she had neglected and held off the conversation they had to have for so long. He must have sensed it, she thought as she waited in front of the Leaky Cauldron. As he came towards her looking tired but as mild-mannered as ever the tightening grew until it felt nearly unbearable as he came to stand beside her.

"Rose," he said warmly as he leaned in to kiss her check. Her face reddened slightly as she thought of all they had to discuss. It was now or never though.

"Remus," she said softly. "I have got us a table waiting." They headed in and gave their orders for drinks to Tom before lapsing into uncomfortable silence. His hand started to reach towards her own and before she could even think of it, she had pulled back. It was then all the harder when she saw the brief look of hurt in his eyes before he spoke.

"I was hoping that I would get the chance to get up here and spend the day with you," he said quietly. He thanked Tom for his drink when it arrived but didn't bother to taste it, he simply gripped the glass with one hand while the fingers of his other played around the top of the rim. "It's very hot but otherwise not a bad day." He flushed then slightly.

"Yes, it has been very hot," Hermione blurted out. The weather. She thought miserably. We are talking about the weather. "It is supposed to rain though later in the week I believe, so I guess that will cool things off some. It…" She shook her head and took a sip of her drink. This was all wrong.

"It's going to…"

"I think we should…"

They both paused then, the tenson even thicker. "No, you go first," he told her. "Finish what you have to say."

That was just like him, she thought. He was always the polite one; always ready to be considerate of others and listen to their thoughts and put them first. She looked into his face and felt that this was just about the kindest and most understanding young man she had ever met and any girl could be happy with him. Yet she knew for all of this that she did not care for him enough to carry on a charade. She remembered the way she had seen James look at Lily with such longing in his eyes. Would she ever long for someone like that?

"I don't know where to start," she told him. "Maybe I should just start by saying that this has been a strange year full of adjustments for me. That I was in pain and lonely and you did make it less lonely for me. For that I thank you." He said nothing to this so she continued. "I think you are one of the nicest people I have ever met but…" She drifted off there. What came after a but in a sentence, she had long learned always negated what came first. He seemed to sense this as he stared down at his drink for a moment before speaking.

"But you are saying it is over?" he said quietly when he finally looked up at her. His voice was as calm and mild as ever but she thought his eyes looked guarded. "Just so I understand where things stand."

"I didn't want to carry this out," Hermione said just as quietly. She felt miserable staring into that tired face, already worn down with the heaviest of burdens from so young an age. "I just don't think it will go anywhere further than it has and I don't want to hurt you." She regretted this as soon as the words had left her as she saw by the flash of pain in his face that she was hurting him. How deep his feelings were for her she did not know but the more she thought of it, the more she felt misery in what she was doing. Yet it had to be done and sooner rather than later. "You are really an excellent person and I can't find any fault with you, I just don't feel that I can continue on this way."

"So, it is over?" he repeated the words slowly. "You say that like I haven't done anything wrong and yet you don't think we can try at all to make it work?"

She shook her head. Tears were rising to the surface, threatening to spill over as she blinked them back. "I don't want a relationship right now," she whispered. "I feel like I rushed things because I was lonely." Lonely and looking at a kind young man with his own secret unhappiness whom she had always admired as an adult. "It just isn't enough," she continued. "For that I am very sorry."

For a moment nothing was said. "It is just you then not being ready?" he asked her, his eyes searching her lowered face carefully. "Or is it someone else?" Her eyes quickly shot back up to meet his own.

"It is just me," she said with surprising firmness. "No one else."

There was silence for a moment as he finished his drink. She waited with baited breath for Remus to comment further, the thoughts of his friends' questions late that year running through her mind. Yet he never brought up any further doubts. The quietness seemed worse than if he had questioned her further, her nerves a live wire as she sat staring down into her own barely touched drink.

"Alright then," he said suddenly. "I guess that is it then Rose." He was speaking quieter than ever now. A tiny part of her wanted to cry out at the tension in the air. Him yelling at her, or accusing her of leading him on, anything at all would be better than this quiet and forced acceptance from a gentle and unhappy young man. He put down money on the table before rising to his feet. "I don't have anything more to say."

He was clearly trying to get away fast before things got any more awkward and painful between them but Hermione still felt worse the more that he turned away from her. "Remus," she began as she got up as well but he turned his back to her.

"I will be seeing you Rose," he walked away quickly then in the direction he had come without once looking back. She stared after him bleakly, her eyes now spilling the tears she had struggled with the whole conversation. She knew she had hurt him and it was more guilt she had to carry for doing so, another regret in a confusing year filled with mixed emotions. Yet underneath it all there was the bittersweet relief of having gotten it done with and hopefully over. 'Who knows,' she thought weakly to herself as she left the Leaky Cauldron, the sun beating on her bushy dark hair. 'Maybe Aurora will have a shot at him now after all?'


It was time with that over to dedicate her time to what Hermione did best and that was learning. She was back at her quest of finding out about the young Tom Riddle. The enigmatic Tom Riddle, who liked to collect trophies even if he had to kill for them and who had a large lapse in where he had been after he left his job in the late 1940's and his reappearance to terrorize Wizarding Britain in the late 1960s. So, what had he done all that time aside from obviously learn more dark magic and gain followers?

He had been considered a handsome young man; she had learned from Harry. Normal looking for someone who would grow up to be so monstrous looking and snakelike. Had that been the result of his immersions into dark magic? Perhaps it was something similar to the dark magic ritual he had used to revive his body in the graveyard? She did not know and this only added more frustration as she continued to study away, the days growing hotter and hotter and the papers filled with the news of more disappearances and deaths. June had turned into July and she had been here a year already.

That thought did not leave her mind as the summer progressed and she continued to read books and look through old documents. If Dumbledore could not get her back then she was not convinced there was a way for her to go back. There was no other way she could see as she had never even heard of people going this far back before. The thought of being stuck here permanently was one that haunted her thoughts more and more as the days progressed.

It took a visit to her room in the Leaky Cauldron by Pandora and Aurora early in August to get her away from her books for even so much as a waking hour.

"You can't stay here all summer," Pandora told her as she sat on the bed beside Hermione's desk. "It's the summer and you are only a teenage, Rose. You have to have a bit of fun now and then."

Aurora was looking out the window into the street below. "People don't want to linger too long lately," she said. "Where we are going to go for fun?"

"I have that planned out," Pandora told her. "Just have to wait until it gets dark tonight." She gave an enigmatic smile to Hermione's look of confusion. "Oh, don't worry. We won't be going anywhere in the Wizarding world. This is all perfectly safe."

Perfectly safe. Hermione did not feel so safe as she walked by Pandora's side several hours later, her arm linked through Aurora's to keep her from falling on the heels she had been given by Pandora. She was wearing a dress that felt way too tight and her curls had been flattened by a potion that had taken out every bit of bush, leaving her head a springy mass of long dark curls. It was still very warm in spite of the sun going down and her nerves were no better than earlier, maybe worse. For her part she could not see what the purpose was or what the fun was going to be.

Pandora smiled brightly as she approached a small building up ahead, her heels clicking on the pavement as she gave long strides forward. She passed several cards; their muggle ID's she had assured her friends earlier as Hermione and Aurora came to stand nervously beside her. The burly man at the door glanced at them briefly and then wordlessly moved aside slightly so as to let them by. It was still early and not as busy as it would get but Hermione already saw people gathered around the bar and a few booths and one couple were already dancing, the brightly lit floor beneath them and twinkling lights above them emitting some of the only light in the otherwise dimply lit space.

A disco, Hermione thought as she settled into a booth beside Aurora. She took us to a Disco. Her parents had attended disco's before she was born. Her mother had even told her they had entered dancing competitions. Hermione had always found this hard to imagine of her bookish, work-oriented parents but then a space like this and youth could make people do strange things. For her part she did not feel like dancing as she sat quietly in her seat.

Pandora handed her a drink then. Hermione gazed numbly down at it, without saying a word she knew that there was alcohol in it and she had never tried any before, not even a sip of wine at Christmas. Aurora was tasting hers, a slight grimace on her mouth.

"They should be here soon, I told them to make it early before things get too crowded," Pandora said from her place across from Hermione. She was dressed in a light blue shirt with flowing sleeves and black pants today, her blond hair waved and pulled slightly back. Hermione thought she looked pretty but that her smiles were slightly forced as she glanced around the room, her blue eyes taking in the flashing lights from the dance floor where two more couples had gathered.

"Who are they?" Aurora asked in confusion as she followed Pandora's eyes around the room.

"Some muggle young men I know from where I live," Pandora said. "They are really nice," she assured them as both Hermione and Aurora turned stunned looks on her. "One lives across the street from me and is only 19. He goes to Cambridge but is staying home for the summer. He promised to bring his cousin and another friend. You said in your letter that Remus and you were over with, right Rose?" she asked Hermione. "So, this shouldn't be a problem?"

"Wait, when did this happen?" Aurora asked, more confused than ever. "You never told me, Rose."

"It just happened," Hermione replied weakly. "It was going to come up, I just…"

"Here they come," Pandora jumped up in her excitement. Three young men who all looked to be about 19 or 20 approached them. The leader was a young man named Nigel who was tall and blond. He wore an open collared shirt that looked similar to ones Hermione had seen on her father in older pictures and flashed gleaming white teeth her parents would have loved.

"Pandora," he said in a smooth voice. "You were not lying, that boarding school you attend does have nice looking girls." His blue eyes moved over Hermione and Aurora appreciatively in turn. "This is David and Keith," he added, as the other two joined their table.

Keith was slightly shorter with light brown skin and dark curly hair that was teased in a 70's mini-fro. He smiled as well at the girls seated but Nigel's cousin David was the one Hermione found herself staring at. He was not anything special really, being slight and of average height. Hermione felt that in her heels she was probably close in height to him by only a few centimeters. Yet she found herself staring at the dark-haired man as he sat down across from her, his grey fathomless eyes looking from girl to girl in turn.

"Hello," Aurora said quietly, her face slightly red. Nigel and Keith both smiled at her but David merely regarded her with a slight turn of the head. He does not want to be here, Hermione thought. Maybe the girls at his university are better to his liking.

She tried some of her drink then, working hard not to grimace like Aurora. A properly mixed drink, she had once been told by her father, should minimize the taste of the alcohol. Nigel was talking then but she found herself shutting him out. She shouldn't be here, sitting with complete strangers, especially so soon after her breakup with Remus Lupin.

"Yes of course!" Pandora said before turning to her friends. "We are just going to have a brief dance alright? Be right back." She and Nigel got to their feet and moved off, his hand on the small of her back as they walked to the brightly lit floor, her heels going clickety-click as she walked away. Hermione stared after her retreating form with some annoyance. Aurora shifted uncomfortably in her seat as the two remaining men stared at her.

"I am not much of a dancer," Aurora admitted after Keith asked her to dance. Her hair was curled around her face in a becoming fashion, her eyes bright as she stared at the handsome dark man across from her.

"I am not either," he admitted with an easy smile. "So, there is no pressure." They continued to speak quietly, him listening with interest as she mentioned a bit about school, carefully keeping things vague so as to stay away from any mention of magic. This was not hard for Aurora, who loved Astronomy best, a subject even muggles studied.

Hermione finished her drink and looked up to find David staring at her, his eyes unreadable. Then he finally spoke: "You shouldn't bother with drinks here, they overcharge. It's how they make their money." His voice was slightly deeper than she had expected, she had thought it would be colder and sharper.

"Oh, I won't again," she told him. "I don't like to drink very much." Out of the corner of her eye she saw Aurora and Keith getting up. So much for not dancing, she thought as they headed to join Pandora and Nigel. "I don't dance much either," she continued. "I mostly just read."

"That so?" Now she seemed to have his interest. "What kind of books do you read?"

"All sorts," she told him. "What about you?"

David she soon discovered, was a sci-fi nerd like her father. He loved nothing better than to spend his time reading or going to the movies and was full of appreciation for the latest thing to hit the big screen. It was amusing for Hermione to hear him gush about Star Wars that way, as though it was all exciting and new. Which for him, she thought. It was. He was not haughty she discovered as the night wore on, just perhaps a bit shy at first. She got him to break out of it a bit as they talked. They even tried to dance briefly.

"If I step on your feet let me know," he said as they danced to the disco playing. She thought she recognized the beat as a song her mother used to play at times.

"I might just step on yours," she told him. "If it makes you feel better, we can keep our minds off by discussing other things."

"Such as?"

"What are you reading now?" she asked him as she nearly bumped into a couple dancing beside them. The floor was getting much more crowded as the night went on. From the other side of the dance floor, she could see Pandora throw a satisfied look her way from where she danced.

"The Picture of Dorian Gray," he replied as they side-stepped another couple. "Always enjoy the sell your soul narrative."

"Did he know originally that it would happen?" Hermione wondered aloud. "That his soul would be lost that way?" It was a question that she had puzzled over since she had first read the book.

"I imagine so," David told her as the song came to an end and another one started. "If you do something to your soul like store it in an object or sell it to a Devil then the intent should matter. Otherwise, it is not a real sale."

"Devils can be tricky though," she answered. "You rarely get what you want when you have even the best intentions so why shouldn't working evil turn out bad?"

"It does turn out bad," he told her. "You have damaged yourself by giving up your soul. It is a monstrous act and in a deal with the Devil it will always come your due." Hermione thought that this must have made some sense though it still to her did not fully answer her original question.

The next song ended and Hermione, her feet hurting from her shoes, decided it was time to sit down. They continued to talk for awhile even after Aurora and Keith rejoined them, the subject not straying far from books and movies. The night was getting more advanced and the little disco filling up with many of its regulars, who lined the dance floor and purchased drinks. Hermione felt as though she were in another world as thoughts from their conversation nagged at her persistently while she talked. It was a while before Pandora eventually tired enough from dancing and decided herself it was time to call it quits. The girls were brought home in Keith's car to Pandora's house where Hermione and Aurora would floo home from.

She was extremely tired and her feet hurt now more than ever as Hermione struggled out of her clothes and settled down for the night. She could not sleep well though. David had given her an idea to look into. Soul magic.


Pandora tried again the following day to get Hermione to agree to another dance but she refused. The last thing Hermione needed was to get attached to another young man and a muggle at that, when she should be trying to find out about Voldemort and how to get back to her own time.

"But he likes you!" Pandora exclaimed. "And he seems perfect for you. He is a muggle yes but so is your father so that shouldn't bother you. He loves to read and he has dark hair and grey eyes which you seem to like so much."

"I never said I liked dark hair and grey eyes," Hermione flushed as Pandora regarded her with a knowing look. "I am not looking to date Pandora."

"Ok, but I just thought since things didn't work out with Remus…"

That's because I was not interested in dating," Hermione replied. "It had nothing to do with him at all." Pandora looked unconvinced but wisely dropped it. The visit was cut short and Hermione was able to go back to her research. She continued to look up dark magic and transformations, spending time looking through the back shelves in the bookshop. Much of what she needed to know she felt would not be here, it was just too dark for the average witch or wizard and for good reason.

She found herself next looking up the subject of souls. She was hindered by limited funds in what she could buy and by an indecision in just what she was looking for. It was with considerable reluctance that she found herself one day late in the summer turning her steps back towards Knockturn Alley. Steering clear of the odious Burke's shop she turned her steps towards a small bookshop she had seen on her previous visit. She had a little money left after buying her schoolbooks and it didn't hurt to look.

She felt the hairs rise on the back of her neck as she stared down a shelf of musty looking books. There were eyes on her from the front desk not far away, perhaps from others as well though she resolutely looked ahead, scanning the shelves in front of her. The sooner she found anything remotely promising, the better for her nerves. There were books on curses, books on hexes, books that were strangely, horribly specific in their promotion of evilness. Why anyone would need to know something horrible such as how to turn your neighbor's flesh inside out, she did not know. There were books on blood magic and on possession.

Hermione could not tell how long she searched this creepy, dirty little shop, only that she wanted desperately to leave. The little man at the desk was still looking her way, his dark beady eyes expressionless as his thin hands lightly drummed a beat on the worn wood in front of him.

Finally, she found an inspiration. "Accio soul books," she whispered, her hand gripping her wand in her pocket. Several books fell out of the shelves at her feet. The man at the desk was now glaring in suspicion as Hermione stooped to pick the books nearest her up. Most looked fairly benign for this shop but one book caught her eye almost at once, a small dark-covered book called Secrets of the Darkest Art. She thumbed nervously through the pages for a moment.

"Can I help you?"

She jumped, then turned to stare at the short man leering at her. "No thank you," she said in a higher pitched voice than her usual, her heart-beating madly in her chest. "I think I will just, I will just like to take this book."

A momentary flash of surprise crossed his sallow face before he schooled his features into what must to him have been meant for a look of benevolence. "Sure thing then, Miss," he said in an oily voice. "Right this way." She just had enough money to pay for it and leave the shop, her arms feeling unusually heavy as she carried the forbidding book back into the light of Diagon Alley.

It was Aurora who came to see her the next day when she was finished with her shopping. She was surprised to find Hermione sitting on her desk in her little room with her head in her hands, her bushy hair falling into her face. "Rose what is wrong? Rose!"

Hermione looked up at her in a daze. For a moment she could not speak, then she swallowed before offering a weak smile. "I am fine Aurora. I just haven't slept well is all."

"Well, you need to learn to do less reading and more relaxing," Aurora told her. "I am worried about you."

"I am fine," Hermione repeated though she was far from feeling so. She felt dazed, her eyes strangely unfocused as they repeatedly glanced between Aurora and that horrible dark book sitting on her desk. "I just need a break is all." She got up a bit unsteadily and joined Aurora at the window. "It has been a long day." In her mind she could see another book, a little diary that had kept Ginny so enthralled and had temporarily captivated Harry. It had been described to her as featuring a memory of the young Tom Riddle but such a memory! One that could reach through the slim pages of a book and captivate and possess and control.

"It was real," she mumbled softly to herself. Aurora looked at her in worry. "Aurora, I am sorry if I seem strange." She shook her head. "I did not get enough sleep." She had finished the whole book, then had lain awake for most of the night wondering why anything so evil as the contents of that book should exist. The darker side of human nature was never more on display and it frightened and sickened her. What she had learned…

It was this thought that haunted her mind as she stepped out into the sunshine beside Aurora, her thoughts dark in nature from it all. There would be no going back, this was knowledge she had to get to Harry and if not him, at least to Dumbledore who she could reach. Yet he had told her he should not know too much of the future but of course this was not the future but the past. Riddle's past.


So yes, I am still around and after insane amounts of overwork and writers block am back and hoping to carry on. No Hermione is not getting a third love interest here, just a few hints of where to look for clues and perhaps a not-so-subtle hint from friends that she is not so transparent in her romantic interests as she thinks.

Sorry for anyone who waited for updates and sorry for those who enjoyed it for Lupin/Hermione coming to an end but it had to happen. Sometimes sooner is better than later where resentment can settle in.