Author's note: Hello? Sorry it has been so long between updates. Life hey!

I am going to start skipping ahead a bit and wrapping this baby up as it is getting way longer than intended! (Funny that..). As always, there will be twists and turns ahead until the end.

Don't forget to comment or fav and follow as that is literally the lifeblood of writers! We need it! On with the show….

/denotes internal thoughts/

/''denotes recalled conversations''/

Chapter 75: Slipping Through my Digits

Prime P.O.V

I swept angrily out the door, hesitating as I considered where to go. A deep sense of unease wrapped itself about my spark as Rachet's foreboding words echoed in my processor and sat heavily upon my spark. I had meetings to prepare for, reports to read over and a million other things jostling for my attention.

Yet none of that seemed to matter.

I glanced towards the tree-lined, secluded beach that had become a favourite meeting place for Orianna and I. Consulting my internal chronometer, I noted it was almost eleven o'clock in the evening, so I would likely have the beach to myself. /Unless Orianna might be there for a late night stroll?/, the hopeful thought suddenly flashed through my processor.

I ex-vented softly in restrained frustration. I had not had the pleasure of seeing Orianna for several long days, having been kept busy with meetings and repairs since we returned. The thought of possibly seeing Orianna once again did much to alleviate the aching feeling in my spark and so, without another thought, I began to move in the direction of our beach.

A gentle sea breeze tugged at the light branches and a fond smile spread across my dermas, as my olfactory sensors noted the familiar tang of salty air. Reaching out to carefully part the branches, I suddenly froze.

There, walking along the beach seemingly lost in thought, was my Orianna. The same white dress she wore that night I kissed her on this very beach, billowed about her as long black and red strands of hair danced about her face in the late evening breeze. A soft smile graced full, deep red lips as she tilted her head towards the stars. Lit up by the moonlight, her face was bathed in an ethereal glow.

/Primus but she was gorgeous! How did I not see this before?/.

For a moment all I could do was stare at her, jealously wondering what or whom had drawn that smile to her lips. I stood captivated by the woman before me, mesmerised until all at once, my spark pulsed painfully as I recalled Orianna's comment only days ago.

/''I am finally ready to move forward with you as a friend Optimus…..''I will expect nothing more from you. I promise.''/.

I almost groaned out loud, my right servo coming to rest on my chest as a dull ache radiated out from my spark. I closed my optics to momentarily ride out the crushing weight and pain of her ill-timed decision, as her words washed over me once again.

Silently, I began to lower the branch and step back from the tree line, when the remnants of another, more recent conversation flashed through my processor, giving me pause. /''She deserves to know how you feel. And you deserve the opportunity to tell her….Can't you see that?''/.

I sighed out loud in that all too human like manner as I watched Orianna pause and hitch her dress up slightly as an unexpected large wave splashed up against her. The spray clung to strands of her hair and droplets ran down her face as she gasped out loud. Moments later, the sound of laughter spilled out from her lips and drifted over towards me.

I could not help but smile. I had thought I would never get to see her again, hear her laugh, her voice and now – here she was before me. Alone, on our beach.

My smile spread as I dared shutter my optics and I took a small, tentative step back towards the tree line. As I watched her continue to stroll along the shoreline, seemingly unaware of my presence, I felt a rush of excitement and a longing to be near her burst to life inside me. /Perhaps Rachet was right? Perhaps I should just tell her I love her?/.

I placed a servo on the tree branch and ex-vented deeply once more. Humans had an expression about taking a leap, of jumping and hoping you fly, rather than fall spectacularly to the ground below. I straightened my form and set my dermas in a determined line. ''Time to find out which it will be.''

I began to push through the branches towards Orianna when I noticed a figure walking towards her from the other end of the beach.

/Lennox?/.

I stilled. /''A broken heart does not stay broken forever.''/. Rachet's words of warning rushed back to me, slamming into me. Although dressed in his civilian clothes of shorts and t-shirt, the form of Major Lennox was unmistakable.

My optics narrowed and my frame tensed as Orianna smiled brilliantly up at him and brushed errant strands of hair from her face. Her voice was filled with excitement as she addressed him. ''I was hoping I'd find you here tonight.'' She bit her lower lip almost coyly.

/Why?/. I scowled. In all the time I had taken to coming here with Orianna, Lennox had never visited this beach at this time of night. The fact he was doing so now whilst Orianna was here – alone – sent a cold wave of fear washing over me.

/''You know what I mean''…/. Rachet's words mocked me. I drew my dermas together tightly and my scowl deepened as my readings filtered through information about Orianna's physical reaction to seeing Lennox. Every gear and cable in my body became taught with tension and I ground my denta together tightly, as Lennox came to stand before her, his hand reaching out to gently caress her cheek.

He shook his head as he chuckled down at her. ''And how long will that feeling last for I wonder?''

Orianna playfully hit his shoulder, though he drew her into his arms, pressing her against his body. An uncharacteristic sneer formed on my dermas, and I clenched my right servo tightly at the sight unfolding before me. ''Shut up and kiss me before I change my mind.''

/NO!/.

I do not know how I refrained from yelling the word out loud as I shook my helm in disbelief. /Please…/. I felt my right servo reach out plaintively towards her, silently begging Orianna to change her mind – to see me!

Lennox gently brushed a stray hair away from her face as his thumbs caressed her cheeks.

/Just as I do... did/.

''Gladly.'' Bending down, he captured her lips and the two of them kissed passionately as the waves lapped about their feet.

I tore my gaze away, retracting my servo sharply as though it had been burned. Closing my optics painfully shut in a desperate bid to banish the image, my spark felt as though it had shattered all over again. Anger and shame wared within me. I felt ashamed to be invading their privacy, witnessing something I was clearly not meant to see and yet, I felt an inexplicable anger. At her, at him, but mostly at myself.

/You're too late! You would not give your spark to her and so she has given her heart to another!/. A low, painfilled groan escaped my dermas and I turned on my pedes as silently as I could and left.

I had no right to watch anymore, and I certainly had no desire to. I began to head back towards the Med Bay. I hurt. /And the Med Bay is where you go when you are hurt/.

Aside from anger, pain, shock, and disbelief registered within me simultaneously as I stumbled blindly towards my destination. I had no idea that Orianna could, or would, so swiftly give her affections to another.

/Not swift/. My processor tried to reason as it supplied memories, images, conversations. I remembered those four painful months we were apart and even back before Orianna confessed her feelings for me.

Lennox was there. He had always been there.

I halted in my tracks, my whole frame seeming to slump with the weight of relisation as I slowly turned to look towards our beach once again. Lennox had seen Orianna's worth. Seen her for the treasure she was while I had been blind. Unable, or unwilling, to recognise my feelings towards her for what they really were.

''And now it is too late!'' I hissed bitterly as I swiftly turned on my pedes and continued my path.

With each step I took away from our beach, I felt as though Orianna was slipping through my digits, that I had lost her all over again. The Med Bay loomed before me. /Primus, it hurts so much/.

When I had lain dying, I had felt the pain of knowing I would miss the opportunity to tell her I loved her, miss being with her, not feel her lips or body against mine. ''Now'', I snorted in angry frustration. ''It seems I get to feel that pain all over again, except this time it is more excruciating, more painful if that was even possible.'' I growled through clenched dentas, ''This time, this time, I do not get the sweet relief of being absent. No! This time I must stand by and watch another tell her they love her. Watch another be with her. Kiss her….''

/It is no less than you deserve for your own stupidity. You brought this upon yourself/. Once again, a small, rational part of my processor sought to ground me, to play devil's advocate. I paused several paces before the Med Bay doors. I could hear Rachet moving about inside.

I closed my optics as I fought to regain control over the maelstrom of emotions within me. /I cannot be angry with Orianna/. Forcing myself to glance back over my shoulder towards the beach once more, I sighed softly in defeat. /All I ever want is for Orianna to be happy/.

A small, sad smile crept across my dermas at the thought she did indeed seem to be happy with Lennox. Even though I had finally come to realise I wanted to be the one to make her happy, I exhaled the ''breath'' I had been holding. ''You have missed that opportunity.'' That dull ache of loss flared to life within me once again, though I tried to tamper it down, ignore it as I took the final steps and closed the distance to the Med Bay.

Reaching out, I placed a steadying servo against the wall beside the door as I gathered what little remained of my strength about me. I would not deny Orianna the right to find happiness. I loved her too much. ''Orianna learned to deal with, and move on, from having her feelings rejected. And I will too.'' I tried to stand tall, but the weight upon me was so unbearably heavy. So oppressive.

Even though every part of my being wanted to retreat inward, to withdraw from her and heal my wounded spark, I would remain by her side and keep her in my life because I loved her.

I removed my servo from the wall and reached for the entry panel. ''Though it will likely be one of the hardest things I do.'' I roughly punched in the code as I clung once more to the mantra that had guided me through the darkest of times. /What cannot be helped, must be endured/. The doors slid open.

''Optimus? Wha..'' Rachet's voice was filled with concern and not a little confusion as he stood before me, grasping some sort of wrench in his servo. He arched an optical ridge as he took in my appearance and conducted a quick scan. Moments later, the ghost of a sympathetic smile tugged at the corners of his dermas as comprehension mercifully dawned upon him. ''Come in. Sit.''

I walked numbly towards the bench. Even the sight of the various drills and tools did not seem to bother me. Nothing seemed to really matter. /Save one thing, and there was nothing I could really do about that/. I shuttered unseeing optics at the ground as I lowered myself down.

''You were right Rachet. You were right.''

I hung my helm and fell silent.

There was nothing more to say.