Chapter 12: Downward Spiral
Everything was a blur to Regina. She knew she had managed to shower and change, not even bothering to blow dry her hair. Her natural curls started to appear, framing her face as Emma drove her to the hospital. The sheriff didn't tell her much about Robin but Regina didn't mind. She would rather get the information from the doctors and those who cared about her boyfriend rather than the woman who was trying to destroy her life.
Regina practically flew into the emergency room, her eyes wide as she tried to find a familiar face. Tuck's was the first one she saw and he motioned to her as he whispered to a rather burly man with long dark hair pulled into a ponytail. The man nodded and the two approached her.
"Hello, Regina." The burly man held out his hand to her. "I'm John, Robin's friend and roommate."
"John," she repeated, shaking his hand. "Nice to meet you at last."
He nodded. "I just wish it was under better circumstances."
She certainly felt the same way. Releasing his hand, Regina hugged herself. "What happened?"
"Why don't we go sit down first?" Tuck suggested, gently taking Regina's hand. "It might be best."
"Okay," she said, not putting up a fight as the older man guided her to one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs that filled Storybrooke General's emergency room. She sat down as John and Tuck took seats on either side of her. Turning to John, she asked: "Well?"
He sighed. "Okay, I guess it starts last night after he returned home from visiting you at the sheriff's station. He was really upset."
"We had a fight," she said softly, regretting some of the harsh words she had said to him last night. He hadn't deserved the amount of anger she had unleashed on her, especially when he was more of the wronged party than her.
"I know," he replied. "Robin told me everything. And he was angry."
"At me?" she asked, her heart skipping a beat even though she knew she would've deserved his anger.
John shook his head. "At himself. He cracked open a beer and spent the night berating himself."
Regina swallowed, imagining Robin just ranting about what an idiot he was for not trusting her. For a brief moment, triumph filled her as she was glad he realized how wrong he had been. But then she imagined him getting absolutely drunk and doing something stupid. Swallowing, she asked: "What happened next?"
"He decided he was going to go to bed and then wake up early in order to drive to all the neighboring towns until he found someone who would be willing to take your case," John explained. "And he did just that."
A chill swept through her as she realized what had likely happened. Robin had driven too close to the town line and the curse sabotaged him so he couldn't cross it. Not many people had tried to cross the town line since they arrived in Storybrooke but she knew the few who had dared try ended up with bumps, bruises and broken bones.
John squeezed her hand. "He wasn't driving drunk, if that's what you were thinking. He slept off his beers, ate a good breakfast and had coffee. He didn't even look hungover, just energized since he was a man on a mission."
"The bloodwork will confirm that," Tuck agreed. "If he does have any alcohol in his system, it will likely be way below the legal limit."
"But it was a car crash?" she asked, needing them to say it out loud.
John sighed, looking over at Tuck. Nodding, Tuck confirmed her worst fears. "Yes, it was a car crash. It seems that Robin hit a patch of black ice and lost control of the car. He ended up spinning out before rolling into a ditch."
"How bad is he?" she asked them, bracing herself for the worst – coma or death. She didn't know which one would be more painful – to have him within reach, taunting her with false hope, or to have him gone completely.
"Thankfully not as bad as it could've been," Tuck assured her. "He wore his seatbelt and his airbags all deployed. But we did have to use the jaws of life to get him out and he had a nasty cut on his head, a broken arm, possibly a broken leg and definitely some damage to his ribs."
"Is he conscious?" she asked, hoping she could go into his room and talk with him.
"Right now, no," John replied. "My understanding is that he was conscious when he arrived at the hospital…"
He paused, looking up at Tuck. The fire captain nodded, confirming that Robin had been conscious when pulled out of his car and while he had been transported to the hospital. "I rode with him and he was alert. It was a promising sign."
"Then why is he unconscious now?" she asked, fearing Robin had taken a turn for the worse and they were trying to break it to her gently.
"The doctors had some concern about swelling on the brain," John explained. "So they've put him in a medically induced coma in order to monitor his condition. If all goes well, they'll bring him out of it in a couple days."
He squeezed Regina's hand. "Robin's in good health and is strong. He'll be fine."
She sniffed as she nodded, the image from her dream of a pale Robin lying cold and limp in her arms haunting her. Regina refused to believe the worst would happen but she knew fortune was never on her side. Would Robin pay the price for loving her like Daniel had?
Was she destined to always end up alone?
"Here," Tuck said, handing her a tissue. "I know this all very distressing."
"Thank you," she said, taking the tissue from him and blowing her nose. "To think Robin is in so much pain, all because of me, all because of a stupid fight. He didn't have to prove anything to me, I'm the one who has been lying to him…"
John shook his head. "Don't beat yourself up. From what it sounds like, Robin jumped the Grand Canyon to reach a conclusion he knew wasn't right."
"I still made him feel guilty," she argued, very familiar now with the feeling. "And I should've been the only one to feel guilty. This is all my fault. He was distracted…"
"Regina, stop," Tuck said kindly, sitting down now. "Black ice is dangerous. Even if Robin had been completely relaxed, not in a rush and hadn't consumed any alcohol only hours earlier, he still could've hit it and suffered the same injuries. None of this is your fault."
She knew he was trying to help her feel better. And that he had something of a point. Even she had been a victim of black ice while driving around Storybrooke in the past, though never to the point that she had crashed. But she knew that her curse played a big role in Robin's accident, maybe even more than the black ice. No one could leave Storybrooke and the curse took drastic measures to ensure that.
Which, now that she thought about it, was something she had no control over. If anything, she would've used a confusion spell to make them forget why they were leaving Storybrooke if they approached the town line.
And that further proved she didn't have as much control over the curse as she thought.
She pushed thoughts of the curse from her mind and focused on Robin, who was lying injured in a hospital bed rather than being home with his son.
Worry filled her as she thought of his sweet son. She lowered the tissue as she asked: "What about Roland?"
"He's in school. We haven't told him anything yet and feel that's for the best right now," John said. "I'll go pick him up later and tell him. Tuck and the others are going to take shifts sitting with Robin while I'm with Roland."
"I wish I could join you," she said, longing to hold Robin's hand and be there to offer him the same support he had always offered her.
Tuck nodded, squeezing her hand. "We know. And we're going to do everything in our power to help you get out to do that."
"What do you mean?" she asked, panicking. She looked between him and John. "Please tell me no one else has tried to complete Robin's foolhardy quest. They cannot head to the town line!"
"Regina, breathe," Tuck said calmly. "No one else is leaving Storybrooke, at least today. We're doing whatever we can without getting a lawyer for now."
She took a deep breath, relieved to hear that. Regina nodded. "Good. And I don't want anyone to risk their life for me. Everything will work out. I'm sure."
John nodded. "We all know you're innocent. Even Robin, even if he was an idiot who made you think otherwise."
"And we're going to help you prove it," Tuck assured her.
"I don't deserve this kindness," she said, feeling her eyes fill with tears as guilt consumed her insides. "You all are too kind."
Tuck gave her a one-armed hug. "You do deserve this kindness, no matter what. Always remember that."
Her tears spilled over, knowing he wouldn't say that if he knew who she really was. Likely, he would spit on her and tell her that she deserved whatever pain she got. And he would be right.
She deserved to be in that hospital bed, not Robin.
"I need to bring Regina back soon," Emma said. "She is still technically under arrest."
"She hasn't even seen Robin yet," John replied, sounding angry. "Can't you wait until we get the clearance to go see him? She can be the first one."
Regina realized her eyes were closed when she opened one to find Emma standing over them, looking torn. "I don't know…" she said.
"I'm not going anywhere, Miss Swan," she insisted, lifting her head from Tuck's shoulder. She squared her own as she glared at her rival. "I've told you that I want to prove my innocence and get my life – and son – back."
"Besides, the entire fire department is here," Tuck pointed out. "If she tried to leave, we would stop her. If more for her sake than yours."
John nodded. "She's barely been here for an hour. I think one more wouldn't hurt, do you?"
Emma's resolve broke and she sighed. "Fine. But we have a meeting at one so she'll need to come back to the station with me by twelve-thirty."
Glancing up at the clock, Regina saw that it was almost ten-thirty. That would give her at least two hours to stay and find out more about Robin as well as hopefully visit with him before no doubt having to face Albert Spencer. It wasn't what she would've wanted but it would have to do for now. So she nodded. "Deal."
"Alright," Emma said, motioning to an empty chair not far from where Regina was sitting. "I'll be over there watching you."
Regina half-expected Emma to make the corresponding motion – two fingers pointed at her eyes before pointing them at Regina – but Emma just walked away. She settled into the chair with her gaze firmly fixed on Regina.
"Ignore her," Tuck said, drawing Regina's attention back to him. "Don't let her get to you."
She nodded before her stomach growled. Regina pressed her hand to her stomach as she realized that Emma hadn't given her any breakfast that morning. And she doubted that Emma would let her go to the cafeteria, so she worried she would likely not have anything until lunch or possibly dinner.
Tuck frowned. "Have you eaten today?"
"No," she admitted. "Emma told me about Robin and I never thought about it."
"This is inhumane," John said angrily. "You were denied a change of clothes and a shower for days and now food?"
Tuck stood, glaring at Emma. "I'll go get you something. And I'll make sure you leave with lunch. Someone needs to feed you."
"Thank you," she replied, grateful that someone cared. She then thought of her diet the past few days and made a face. "No burgers, please."
"Burgers for breakfast?" he asked, making a face. "Don't worry, I'll get you something healthy and appropriate for breakfast. And then maybe I'll have a word with our sheriff about how even prisoners deserve proper nutrition."
He walked off as John chuckled, leaning closer to Regina. "Emma is not going to know what hit her."
"I can tell that Tuck is a force to reckon with," she said, glad he was on her side. She would hate to have him be against her.
Will nodded. "He certainly is. And he is definitely a papa bear."
"Welcome to the pack," Alan said, grinning at her. "He's going to take care of you the same way he takes care of all of us."
"I like the sound of that," Regina admitted, warmth spreading through her. She looked around at Robin's colleagues and friends, realizing that her family was growing. And she loved that.
Perhaps her happy ending wasn't exactly an ending and just kept evolving. She hoped she got to see what it evolved into next.
After consuming the best eggs and fruit she had ever tasted, Regina then kept vigil with Robin's colleagues. Like he had that night he stayed with her in the emergency room, they entertained her with stories of their favorite callouts. Some were repeats of what he had told her but there were a few new ones. They lightened her spirits and kept her mind from creating worst case scenarios for Robin.
Whale interrupted their conversation and informed them that Robin could now receive visitors as he was set up in a room. Regina's stomach tightened as she looked at John, figuring he would want to see Robin first. But he placed his hand on her shoulder, declaring she would go first. When she tried to protest, Tuck quietly told her that it was already noon and she didn't have much time left.
Realizing he was right, Regina stood and asked Whale to bring her to Robin's room. He hesitated before asking Emma if she was coming as well, reminding Regina that the sheriff was still in the waiting room. To her relief, Emma shook her head. It seemed she finally believed that Regina wasn't a flight risk after all.
Free of Emma, Regina followed Whale down the overly bright hallway until he stopped at a room a few doors down from the nurse's station. He turned to her with a solemn expression. "I want to warn you that he looks worse than he is," he said.
"How bad is he?" she asked, the image from her nightmare returning.
Whale sighed and motioned for her to follow him into the room. "It's probably best if I explain them to you as you see him."
She followed him into the room and gasped when she saw him. Robin lay in the hospital bed, his body perfectly still. Tubes and cords ran from various machines that surrounded his bed, delivering fluids and medicine to him while also monitoring his vital signs as he remained in the coma.
Regina stepped closer and gently touched the gauzy bandage covering half his forehead. "He cut a nasty cut there as well as a good bruise from when his head hit the steering wheel," Whale explained. "That's why we're worried about swelling on the brain."
"Right," she said, swallowing as her fingers went down and hovered over his red, swollen eye.
"That's actually going down," Whale told her. "It's a good sign, though once it goes down, it will likely be as black and blue as his other eye."
He pointed to the non-swollen eye, which did have a nasty bruise around it. It stood out against Robin's pale skin, making him look like he had been battling an illness for weeks rather than injured from a car crash.
"You won't see a lot of the other bruises as they're covered by the nightgown we've put him in," Whale continued, "but you'll see that his arm is in a cast and we currently have his leg in a bandage as well."
Robin's leg was elevated in a sling and was indeed bandaged. She swallowed as she asked: "Is it broken?"
"Thankfully, no," he said. "We just have it bandaged and elevated to deal with the injuries that the leg did sustain but nothing that serious."
She nodded, noting that his left arm was the one in a cast. All she could see what his thumb as his arm rested against his chest. It rose and fell with his every breath, which thankfully he was doing without assistance of any sort – not even an oxygen tank.
That gave her some comfort.
"Madam Mayor?" Whale asked, in a tone that suggested that he had been talking and was expecting a response.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm afraid I was lost in my thoughts."
He nodded, his eyes softening. "I know. But as I said, his injuries look worse than they are."
"How long will he be in the coma?" she asked, thinking of Charming and how he stayed unconscious for twenty-eight years – even if only she knew how long it had truly been.
"I would be surprised if it was more than two days," he said. "Everything is starting to heal nicely and so I think once we confirm there's no swelling on the brain, we'll be able to bring him out soon."
She nodded, wishing she could be there for that moment but knowing it was unlikely. "I hope it's soon too," she said.
He motioned to Robin's right hand. "This one isn't in a cast. It does have some bandages but you can hold it. I'll let you two have some privacy."
"I appreciate that," she said, watching him walk away as she took her place by Robin's bedside. She reached out and gently took his bandaged right hand before kissing it. She whispered: "Hello."
Robin didn't respond.
"I know they say people in comas can still hear what's going on around them," she said, so I'm just going to talk and hope it soothes you."
She paused for a moment as tears filled her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I was angry and upset and, yes, ashamed. And I lashed out at you. You had nothing to prove to me. Certainly not driving out to find a lawyer for me. You didn't have to do that."
Regina kissed the back of his hand. "You're right that I don't completely trust you. It's hard for me to trust people. They either end up hurting me or I end up hurting them. It was always easier to keep people at an arm's length. But then I adopted Henry and everything changed. Add you and Kathryn to the mix…and it just seems to prove my point.
"Loneliness hurts," she continued, feeling a lump in her throat. "I know that. And I condemned Henry to a life of loneliness. I never had friends so I never really noticed that he didn't have them either. And now he's pushing me away because I tried to keep him all to myself, so I hurt him and now he's hurting me.
"Then Kathryn. She didn't die because Mary Margaret wanted to get her out of the picture to be with David," Regina said. "She got kidnapped because she was my friend and someone wanted me to be alone. He wants me to be alone because I'm easier to control when I'm alone."
Anger surged through her as she realized that she had allowed herself to be Gold's puppet again. He had dangled what she wanted in front of her and she let him lead her down a road that only ended in pain for her rather than her happy ending. Gold didn't want her to have her happy ending.
He didn't want her to be happy.
"I've been so foolish," she said in a low tone. "You were right, that night we first met. I've been trying to deal with my issues with Henry all wrong and now I'm likely going to lose everything. Him, Kathryn, Roland, you…."
She swallowed. "I know they say you're going to wake up and that you'll be fine, even if you have some healing ahead of you…"
Regina paused, looking over at his swollen eye and bandaged head before glancing back at his leg and arm. Sighing, she said: "Okay, a lot of healing ahead of you. But that's not what I'm talking about, so you don't have to worry about that.
"The lie about seeing Archie was really just the tip of the iceberg," she confessed, lowering her voice in case someone was lurking around. "Henry is right. About everything. Well, except that I hurt Kathryn to frame Mary Margaret. I didn't do that but I do know who did. And I allowed it to happen for my own selfish gain.
"I thought I was going to win," she said, sniffing. "And once upon a time, that would've been all I cared about. But I don't want to win like this. With people I do care about hurting. It's not a win at all."
She paused as she could hear Emma's voice down the hall. Her time with Robin was coming to an end and she would have to return to jail. And then likely she would be the one sent out of state and face a trial. She didn't know what the outcome would be but she knew that she would have to face it alone. No one could leave Storybrooke. She didn't know if the curse would make the townspeople forget about her but she had a feeling that would happen anyway. Because no matter what happened, she would be gone for so long, everything would move on without her and she would have nothing again.
"I'm going to lose instead," she said. "So I think I need to say goodbye. I love you, Robin, and so I have to let you go. And I need you to do the same. You deserve to be happy and to find someone who truly deserves you."
Emma entered the room, looking awkward. She glanced over at Robin before turning her gaze back onto Regina. "I'm sorry but we need to go," she said.
"I know," Regina replied, standing. She leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Robin's lips. She whispered: "Goodbye."
She then straightened up and walked closer to Emma. "Alright. Let's go."
Emma stepped aside, allowing Regina to walk ahead of her. She followed right behind as they walked back down the hallway. They made the return trek in silence until they got to the waiting room. Regina stopped, looking back at Emma. "Can I say goodbye?"
"You can," Emma agreed. "But make it quick."
Regina nodded before turning back to Robin's friends. John came up and hugged her. "I'll keep an eye on him for you," he promised.
"Thank you," she whispered before hugging the others. She then looked around the room, frowning. "Where's Tuck?"
"He said he had to run a few errands but would see you soon," Will told her, shrugging. "Not sure what he meant honestly."
Emma gently took Regina's arm. "We have to go now."
Regina nodded and took one last look of the people who could've been her friends but would likely not remember her in a few days' time. She swallowed past the lump in her throat as she walked out with Emma, nervous to find out what her fate would be.
Tuck's errand was to the sheriff's station, where he successfully argued his way into the meeting with Albert Spencer to serve as Regina's counsel. She was glad to have him with her as the echoes of her fight with Robin haunted her. Regina tried to block it out as she prepared to hear Spencer's case. Robin had given her a sneak peek that had left her underwhelmed but if he had momentarily doubted her, she feared the full case was stronger than she had believed the night before.
However, she quickly realized it wasn't. Robin hadn't given her snippets of the case against her – he had given her everything, which prepared her to rebut the evidence. She repeated the claim that the keys had been handed down from mayor to mayor and mostly stayed in a drawer in her office, which blew the smoke off that gun. Tuck then got Spencer to all but admit that there was no proof the shovel belonged to her other than the fact they found it in her garage.
But the coup de grace came when Tuck revealed that Sidney was in the hospital undergoing psychological testing to determine his competency. Regina had been too angry and then too distraught to realize that she was the only person in the sheriff's station. It never occurred to her that Sidney should've been there as well. And since the bulk of the case against her came from him, the fact that his mental state was being called into question certainly worked in her favor.
Unsurprisingly, Spencer was not willing to let another case fall apart now that it was clear that Mary Margaret Blanchard was not a murderer and had been framed. However, he was unable to offer up much of a motive even though he was certain Regina had exploited Sidney's unrequited feelings for her for some reason. Tuck used those same feelings to point out that Sidney could've kidnapped Kathryn in an attempt to drive Regina from Robin and to him. Regina seized the opportunity to give Gold a taste of his own medicine and suggested he was framing her to remove her as an obstacle in his quest to control the town.
In the end, Spencer was forced to admit that they did not have enough to indict Regina and so she was to be released. He did make it clear that he hoped to bring charges against her soon and she should prepare for a trial. Regina, though, was certain the trial would never happen. Either the case against her would fail to materialize or the curse would make everyone would forget about it.
Until then, she would be free to continue living her life. She could run her town, mother her son and spend time with Robin once he was out of the hospital.
As she thought of Robin and all his injuries, anger filled her. She glared at the back of Emma's head as they walked away from the interrogation room, recalling that Robin had felt that the case against her had been stronger than it was. He had told her about Gold's theory and how Emma supported it but Spencer hadn't mentioned it at all. Given how determined Spencer seemed to close the case, he likely would've used it to try to elicit a confession from her. The fact he said nothing about motive told her that he either didn't believe Gold's theory or there wasn't enough to prove it.
Which meant that Emma likely had misled Robin about the strength of the state's case against her. Their entire fight and his foolish plan to drive out of town in a desperate attempt to find her a lawyer were for naught. He was injured because of her and her big mouth.
Like mother, like daughter.
Emma processed Regina's release, handing her things back over in a bag. "I believe that's everything you had on you," Emma said. "Your car is in our parking lot."
"Thank you, Miss Swan," Regina replied, pulling out her car keys. "When will you drop Henry off tonight?"
"I won't," Emma said tersely.
Already angry, Regina felt her rage explode inside her. She did her best to keep her voice even as she asked: "And why not?"
Emma almost smirked as she responded. "You don't just get Henry back because we're releasing you. The social worker has to approve his return. And I'm letting you know that I'm pursuing getting permanent custody of him. Something tells me that I'm going to win it."
"You're just going to take my son away from me?" Regina asked, feeling as if someone had sucked the air from the room.
"Yes," Emma said plainly. "Just like you've been trying to take Henry from me."
Anger surged through Regina. "You gave him up. And you showed up here and started acting like you've been his mother all along. You're essentially the equivalent of the fun aunt, Miss Swan. Do you really think you can handle really being a mother?"
"I think I can," Emma insisted. "And I'll do a hell of a lot better than you!"
"Really?" Regina asked, certain that Emma didn't have the first clue how to raise a child and would likely end up breaking Henry's heart.
Emma nodded. "After all, anyone could do better after you."
That felt like a punch to the gut and Regina gasped out: "Excuse me?"
"I know you like to think you were the mother of the year but it's clear you weren't," Emma said. "That you aren't."
"What do you know?" Regina asked, feeling fire burn in her veins. "You just waltzed in and just decided that I was a terrible mother after five minutes."
Emma stepped closer. "I recognized you were a terrible mother. Anyone who spends more than five minutes with Henry would recognize it."
"Henry is just struggling with the revelation that he was adopted," Regina said. "And your presence isn't helping."
"You mean you can't bring him under your control like everyone else in town," Emma said, crossing her arms as she glared at Regina.
Regina leaned against the desk. "I don't control anyone, Miss Swan. If I did, do you think I would've allowed my best friend to be kidnapped and presumed dead?"
"I think Henry's right," Emma said. "That you would do anything it takes to make sure you get what you want."
"I am willing to fight what I want," Regina agreed. "But I draw the line at hurting people I care about."
Emma scoffed. "Oh, please. Have you stopped to consider Henry's feelings in this matter?"
That made Regina's blood boil and she lowered her voice. "I know this might surprise you, Miss Swan, but I have. And that's why I've always believed that it was best for Henry not to form a relationship with you."
"And why is that?" Emma asked.
"Because finding out he was adopted created feelings of abandonment that I feared would be exacerbated when you inevitably left," Regina replied honestly.
Emma held her chin a bit higher. "And why would you think I would leave?"
"Past usually dictates future," Regina replied. "You didn't have a history of staying in the same place for long."
"Well, I'm making a change for Henry," Emma said. "I'm going to be a mother to him."
Regina crossed her arms. "Are you ready to be a mother?"
"Why? Are you going to make a dig about how I'm an orphan now?" Emma asked, clearly defensive.
"Not at all," Regina said honestly. "I had a mother, read all the books and even took a class and I was still overwhelmed when I became a mother. It's a lot harder than it looks. You've barely gotten a taste of it now."
She leaned forward, wanting Emma to understand that it was not going to be easy to be a mother – especially given Henry's age. "Last year, I was the best mommy in the world and Henry looked at me the same way he looks at you now. And now I'm the Evil Queen incapable of love. Who do you think you'll be in a year? Will you still be the heroic savior come to save everyone or will you also be a villain he can't stand? And when the honeymoon period wears off and things start to get bumpy – because they will, Miss Swan – will you stay and fight or will you leave?"
"You're not going to scare me," Emma said, a hard look in her green eyes. "I am not abandoning Henry. And I will never abandon him. I will win permanent custody and then I'll take him to Boston. Or maybe New York. Just somewhere we both can have a fresh start. So consider this my notice. You may need to find a new sheriff. If you're still the mayor that is."
Emma slid the bag with Regina's belongings closer to her. "You're free to go, Madam Mayor. Don't skip town."
Regina picked up the bag, her heart pounding in her chest. "I won't. I have a lot to fight for."
"Just be careful," Emma warned. "You could win and still lose everything."
"I think you should heed your own advice," Regina told her, walking away without saying another word. Otherwise, she feared she would say something that could be used against her later.
The last thing Regina wanted to give Emma Swan was more ammunition against her. For the first time since the Savior arrived in Storybrooke, Regina felt that she would not win the war and was about to lose her happy ending.
She was doomed to be miserable forever.
After leaving the sheriff's station, Regina immediately returned to the hospital to sit vigil with the rest of Robin's friends. Most had gone back to the station as they needed to be prepared for any possible calls. John had also left to pick up Roland and take care of him. That left her and Tuck alternating who sat by Robin's bed side. He remained unconscious and she worried that something would either take her away from him or him away from her before they could really work through the issues raised by their fight.
She wanted to stay with him for as long as possible but Tuck convinced her to go home, saying she needed to get a good night's rest in her own best. Will arrived to keep watch over Robin throughout the night, promising to let her know if there was any change. Reluctantly, Regina placed a gentle kiss on Robin's forehead and then left the hospital. She climbed into her car and drove home, entering her dark and quiet house for the first time in days.
Though she didn't feel hungry, she made herself dinner and ate it. She had lied to enough people already and couldn't bear to lie to Tuck when he would no doubt ask if she ate. It took all her willpower to finish her meal as the food tasted like ash and sat like concrete in her stomach. Even her wine had no taste and rather than numb her mind, it amplified her thoughts.
Regina thought of Robin as she tried to soak away her worries in a bath after choking down her dinner. Regina replayed their last fight over and over in her mind, her heart continually breaking as she heard him express his doubts about her innocence over and over. Emma had remained loyal to Mary Margaret, her faith in the woman's innocence never wavering even in light of such strong evidence. Presented with weaker evidence, Robin had folded like a house of cards – much like David had, if she remembered the gossip around town correctly. He had also readily accepted that Mary Margaret had killed his soon-to-be-ex-wife.
So much for True Love, she thought with a snort into her wineglass. Robin's tattoo then flashed in her mind. Or soulmates for that matter.
But her thoughts shifted to Robin in his hospital bed, attached to machines monitoring everything about him as his body tried to heal. He had been on a quest to prove he believed her, to show her how much he loved. That certainly was a lot more than David had supposedly done for Mary Margaret, so maybe there was a difference between True Love and soulmates. But in the end, did it matter? Loving her had brought Robin only pain and would likely continue doing so. Would she be selfish and keep him in her life no matter the cost?
Or would she love him enough to let him go?
She had known since the beginning that Robin deserved better than her. He deserved someone who wasn't hiding secrets from him and who didn't have the same amount of baggage she did. And he deserved to have someone who didn't have as much blood on her hands as she did. Even if she was not responsible for Kathryn's abduction, it did not mean she was innocent. Maybe all her dark deeds had finally caught up with her and she was being punished for them at last.
If so, Robin should not be collateral damage in her downfall.
No one should.
Regina climbed out of the bath and drained the water. She dressed in her pajamas, running her hands over the satin material as she wondered how much longer she would be able to dress like that. If she was jailed, she would have to wear whatever the state gave prisoners. And even if she was ultimately freed, there was a good chance she would never be able to return to Storybrooke. Gold would likely do something to ensure that. Regina would be left out on her own in a land without magic. Storybrooke had provided everything she had needed to survive in this world. Would she be able to do so without all the help provided by the curse?
She took her empty wine glass to the kitchen. As she approached the stairs, she stopped in front of Henry's door. Though her mind warned her it would only bring her more pain, she opened the door and turned on the light. His bed was made and everything was still in his room, as if he was spending the night with a friend. But she knew that wasn't the case. He was off playing house with his birth mother and the woman who didn't know she was his grandmother. She imagined him smiling and laughing as he cuddled with Emma, everything he used to do with her, and it made her heart break. Pain and fire spread through her chest as she sat on his bed. She picked up his pillow and sobbed into it, certain she would never see her son again.
There was a very good chance that Emma could gain permanent custody of Henry. While she had a rather unconventional job, it was a good one and one that many in the judicial system knew well. Even if she did follow through with her threat to move from Storybrooke, she no doubt would be able to secure housing for them and enroll Henry in school. She could feed him, clothe him and care for all his needs. Regina, on the other hand, likely couldn't guarantee that with a possible indictment hanging over her head. Even if the case against her was weak, any judge would know there was still a chance she could go to prison through either a guilty verdict or a plea deal. If so, she would lose her job and her home. There was a chance her money and possessions would be seized in order to pay Kathryn, who would also no doubt sue for the trauma she endured. At that moment, Emma Swan looked like the much better option than Regina.
On top of that, Dr. Hopper had made it clear after the incident involving the mineshaft that he would testify that she was not fit to be Henry's mother. He would likely tell the court all about her attempts to stifle his imagination, to make him conform to her way of thinking. At the time, she thought she had been doing the right thing but she knew now that it was best for her, not him. She admittedly did not handle Henry's rebellion well and it would now backfire on her, likely costing her custody of her son. Especially since she made almost no attempt to work on herself to become a better mother, as Robin had discovered. With that revelation added to the fact that Henry would no doubt tell the court he wanted to live with Emma, losing her son was inevitable.
And if she lost Henry, nothing else would matter. Even if she didn't end up charged in connection with Kathryn's abduction, her life would never be the same. Not even Robin and Roland could do anything with the pain and heartbreak she would feel.
The pain and heartbreak she already felt as she sobbed into his pillow, curling around it on his bed. Becoming his mother had been the greatest moment of her life. She finally had someone else to care for and to love, someone who needed her as much as she needed him. All she ever wanted was to give him a happy life and to watch him grow up to have the life she never got to have. But somewhere she had forgotten that and was now paying the price.
It was poetic in how tragic it was.
She wished she had the ability to take out her own heart, to go through life unburdened by emotions like her own mother had been. Instead, she continued to cry as the silence in her house crushed her like a heart in her hand.
Regina awoke to ringing. She sat up, realizing she had fallen asleep in Henry's bed. Her body hurt and her face felt stiff from her dried tears as she stood up. Rubbing the crick in her neck, her mind finally realized the ringing was from a phone and not an alarm. And as it was still clearly nighttime, it felt like a stone had been dropped into her stomach.
She raced down the hallway as the ringing resumed after a momentary pause. Regina nearly dove for the phone in her bedroom, quickly picking it up. "Hello?" she asked, breathless.
"Regina, it's Tuck," he said, sounding panicked. "There's been a development."
Her heart skipped a beat as she sat on the bed. "What kind of a development?"
"Not a good one," he replied. "The machines went crazy and now they are rushing Robin into surgery. I think there may have been some internal bleeding they missed."
"What does that mean?" she asked, feeling as if she was about to throw up.
"I'm not entirely sure," he said. "Whale didn't have much time to explain anything before they rushed him into surgery. They did have to call John to get his permission for the procedure as Robin's medical proxy."
Regina started to look around her room, trying to figure out a quick outfit she could put together. "I can be there in about twenty minutes," she said.
"No, you should get more rest," Tuck insisted. "This is likely going to be several hours. You can come later."
"I won't be able to rest knowing Robin's life is hanging in the balance. I can't be alone right now," she said, almost pleading with him to understand how important it was for her to be at the hospital. She at least needed to know that he was on the mend before she likely had to leave his life.
Tuck sighed. "I understand. Just drive carefully, okay? It won't help to have both of you in the hospital."
"I will," she promised. "I'll see you soon."
She hung up the phone and covered her face with her hands. Robin's like now hung in the balance. Was she doomed to always love the men she loved? Had the universe already determined that she was meant to be alone?
That she wasn't meant to be happy?
"Please don't take him away too," she pleaded with whoever controlled their lives. "He has a son who needs him and friends who love him. Don't punish them because you want to punish me. Please."
She sniffed as she stood, knowing she had to get dressed. Regina needed to get to the hospital to be with Tuck and support Robin as well as get away from her own thoughts. It was the only thing she could do at that moment.
But as she dressed and got into her car, an overwhelming sense of dread washed over her. Her dream flashed in her mind again, showing her a pale and lifeless Robin in her arms, and she wondered if it had really been a premonition. Was Robin's death a done deal because he had already gotten far too involved with her?
Was she doomed to ruin the lives of everyone who dared to care for her?
Regina realized she had been driving without paying attention when someone honked, making her realize she had almost blown through a red light. She slammed on the brakes, narrowly avoid a collision. Gripping the steering wheel, she took a deep breath and reminded herself that she needed to get to the hospital in one piece. It wouldn't help anyone if she was also unconscious in the hospital.
Or would it?
She sat at the light, realizing how much better everyone would be if she took herself out of the equation. Henry could go and be with the mother he wanted, no doubt finally happy to be away from her. Maybe Emma would do a better job than her and give Henry a life Regina never could. And Robin could just move on and find a woman who didn't lie to him constantly, who didn't have to call him every other night and dump her problems on him. A new mayor would be elected but Storybrooke ran itself so it didn't matter who it was. Everyone would just keep going on without much change to their lives.
Her presence wouldn't take anyone's life better but her absence certainly would.
As the light changed colors, she turned on her signal and made a right rather than continuing onto the hospital. She drove to the cemetery and parked her car there, walking the rest of the way to her family crypt. Regina opened the door and pressed her hands to her father's coffin. "I know what I have to do, Daddy," she told him. "Forgive me."
She knew her father would not approve of her plan. He would likely have argued with her, trying again to convince her that she could be happy. But deep down, they both knew the truth. She had been cursed from the moment she had been born and her life was never meant to be a happy one. And it was time to stop attempting to have it in her life.
Regina pushed the coffin aside, revealing the staircase down to her secret rooms. She walked down it and entered the workshop. Books and other items from her past life filled the room, all collecting dust as it had been years since she had needed them. And she didn't need them now. She knew exactly what she needed.
At first, Regina had kept it as a trophy of her triumph. But when her foes had managed to thwart what had seemed like a perfect plan, she had locked it away to hide another failure in her war. She hadn't been able to destroy it and she wondered if it was because deep down, she always knew she would need it again for herself.
Crossing the room, she pushed aside the curtain covering the boxes filled with hearts of her victims. Except for one box, which was filled with something else. She found it easily and removed it, carrying it to her desk. Opening the box, she reached in and pulled out the lone content.
An apple as red as blood.
A/N: Uh oh. Looks like Regina may be close to self-destructing while Robin is unconscious and Henry is still enthralled by Emma. Will someone realize she's self-destructing? Or will something happen to stop her before she can do something stupid?
It will probably take a couple weeks for you to find out. I'm hard at work on the next chapter but I don't think it will be ready for next week. And then the following week is Halloween. I have another story to post that day – hopefully the completion of the story I started last year for Halloween – so I likely won't post an update to this until November. But I have a few other stories with updates ready so I hope you check those out while you wait!
Thanks again to everyone who continues to read, comment and leave kudos or likes on this fic. You are all the best!
-Mac
