For the next few weeks, I wrote down a bunch of pitch bibles. Now for those who don't know what a pitch bible is, a pitch bible is a tool that helps convey your concept. It is a tool to help you present and is a leave-behind to trigger the decision maker's memory.
But pitch bibles do take a while to write, especially since you work 5 days a week, plus making sure your house is tidy on weekends, and paying a buttload of bills. And believe me, the bills seem to be the most difficult. Doing all of the math can really fry a guy's brain. Savino still talked to me about the Ghostbuster slash Steven Universe style idea. I still had doubts about it.
On the evening of August 15, I was still working on some more ideas when I got a phone call.
"What does Savino want now?" I thought to myself as I picked up the phone. "Hello? This is Lincoln Loud?"
"Hey, Lincoln," said Rita. "I meant to call earlier but I figured you were busy. Anyway, can you watch Lisa for the evening? I have a little blind dating thing to go to, and Leni is out in Sacramento with some friends for a week."
"I can do that," I said. "I do need a break from all of this work I've been doing these past few weeks."
"Great," said Rita. "I'll drop her off at your house at 6:00 P.M. Can you tell me where you live again?"
I told her my address.
"Alright then, we'll be there soon." Rita said, and she hung up. Well, I had my evening booked.
At 5:56, Rita dropped Lisa off at my place.
"Now be good for Mr. Loud," she told her daughter. "And no experimenting on him or his belongings."
Lisa said, "Yes, mother figure. I'll behave."
"Good," said Rita, then she turned to me. "I'm warning you right now. She has a tendency to make some science experiments out of nowhere, so beware of that."
"I got this," I said. "I once babysat 5 kids when I was 13 years old. I got this."
"Alright then," said Rita. "If Lisa causes any trouble, call me. I'll take care of her."
"Alright then," I said, and Rita left, leaving me with Lisa.
"So where's dinner," Lisa asked.
"You haven't had dinner yet?" I asked. "Well, I'll take care of that." I went to the kitchen and dug through the fridge. "Well, I have leftover turkey, some green beans, meatloaf, chicken nuggets in the freezer."
"You got any tuna?" Lisa asked. "It's one of the foods that helps gain better brain power."
I looked. There was a can of tuna from last week. "Do you want it microwaved or cold?"
"Preferably microwaved. The tuna tastes better that way, babysitter."
"Alright then," I microwaved it. "Here you go. Some fresh tuna."
"Greetiiiiiiings, consolea moniliformis!" the toddler exclaimed as she ate the tuna. "Such nutrition! Such deliciousness!"
"Well, I'm glad you liked it," I smiled. "Now how about after dinner, we watch some TV?"
"You better not turn on Dora the Explorer or I'll scream bloody murder," Lisa hissed. "What about a documentary on the human body?"
"That's not the kind of stuff kids like you should watch," I said. "Dora is more for your age."
"Mother turned that show on for me once," Lisa explained. "That explorer makes Leni look like Albert Einstein with how awful she is at directions, even with a map that shouldn't say anything. Every time she asked me a question, I would just scream, 'It's right there, simpleton! Are you blind, you Latina homo sapien!' It's so annoying that I just want the Vulpes Vulpes to just swipe her stuff already so we can be done."
I was shocked by her ranting. "Wow. Didn't think you would have it in you."
"I'm not like other 4 year olds that just poop themselves right after they go to the toilet," Lisa said. "I am a woman of knowledge and understanding. I know a lot of things, even math."
I scoffed. "Like if you know what is the absolute value of 3|2x+1|+4=25."
Lisa simply said, "X=3 or X=-4. It's simple algebra."
I was surprised. "Wow. That's…..right."
"I told you," said Lisa. "I know a lot." She finished her food. "I give my thanks, babysitter unit."
"Just call me Lincoln," I said. "Now how about a movie, Ms. Smarty Pants?"
"Sure, you got any DVDs or those outdated VHS tapes?"
"They're not outdated, Lisa."
"Still, the quality is not the best."
I sighed and opened my DVD case. "Okay, I have Snow White, Pinocchio, The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, Space Jam,... "
"Is that Flubber!?" Lisa exclaimed. "Flubber is my favorite movie."
"The remake of The Absent Minded Professor?" I said. "Yeah, wanna watch, kid?"
"Precisely!" Lisa said, as I put in the DVD. Before the movie started, Lisa had a question.
"Did you have a good relationship with your father?" she asked.
That was a random question from a little girl, smart or not. "80% of the time when I was a kid," I said. "Why?"
"Professor Philip Brainard, here played by Robin Williams, reminded me of him," Lisa explained. "Although, I haven't seen the guy since I was two. You see, mine and Leni's mother and father divorced back in 2010, due to...ummm...problems. Though unlike Brainard, our father is kind of a drinker so he and mother's marriage was destroyed beyond relief. He even tried to offer Leni a drink once and she was 14 at the time. It's just sick really, even for me. When father told me he was leaving, I was an emotional wreck. He may be a drinker, yet he had a decent heart, to me anyway. I never saw him again."
I was surprised by Lisa's words. A drunken dad. Now Toons can get drunk but a bit different to how humans can. Toons like Bender can drink and be just fine, but as for Toons that were meant to look like humans and animals is a bigger issue.
"Lisa," I said. "I'm so sorry."
"Don't be, Lincoln," Lisa cried. "His drunkenness stabbed me in the back. Though I still would do some science."
"My dad, who is a normal human, died in a car crash," I explained. "I know how much losing a family member hurts."
"I guess so," said Lisa. "In the first year, Leni kept thinking father was playing hide and seek, until we constantly had to explain it to her."
"Well, like your mom said, she is not the sharpest tool in the shed."
"But we still love her," Lisa said, then the movie started. As we watched the movie, she smiled as she watched the late and great Robin Williams doing some experimenting and making Flubber. Later on, we played some UNO. Lisa beated me 5 times. I don't know if that was just her smarts or just luck. I'm guessing it was the former. At 10:00 P.M., Lisa was sleeping on the couch when Rita knocked at my door.
"How was she tonight?" Rita asked.
"She was terrific," I said. "Fed her dinner, watched a movie, played some games, that kind of stuff."
"No experiments?" Rita pondered.
"None," I said. "Oh, and she told me you and your ex's story, and I would like to say, I'm sorry. It must be tough having a husband who drinks."
"It's fine," Rita said. "That's not a problem anymore. Sure, I hate being single, but I still have my two wonderful children."
"You got that right," I said, as I carried Lisa to her mom.
"Well, off home," Rita said. "I'll see you around, Lincoln, and thanks for babysitting Lisa."
"No trouble," I said, as I saw the two heading home. I smiled, then I got another phone call. "Son of a bitch. Why can't the phone leave me alone for 6 hours!?" I answered it. "Lincoln Loud speaking."
"Lincoln!" said Lynn Sr. from the other line. "This weekend, can you watch my kids while I go blind dating?"
"We'll see," I said, pretty tired.
"Great!" Lynn Sr. said. "You sound tired. Long day?"
"You can say that," I yawned. "Goodnight, Lynn." I hung up and went to bed.
That weekend, Lynn Sr. dropped off his kids, and you can say the weekend was pretty crazy. Lynn wanted me to play basketball, while Lana tried getting me to bake mud pies. Lola refused to eat her vegetables unless she did a photo shoot. If this was what parenting three wild kids was like, then I just wanted one. But the weekend had some positives too. I told Lana and Lynn about the shows I worked on, while I played knights with Lola. Lynn refreshed me on basketball since I haven't done it in a while. Lana and I watch a nature documentary.
Then on Saturday night, we all piled together watching the 1992 version of Aladdin. Lynn really liked how athletic Aladdin was. Lana liked Abu and Rajah, while Lola liked Jasmine. But I was a fan of how these actors, especially the Genie, had a lot of fun with their roles.
"I kind of wish I could play a princess like Jasmine," said Lola.
"Barf!" said Lynn.
"You basically are in those pageants," reminded Lana.
"But those are pageants, Lana," Lola said. "I want to have my name in the lights! People will be asking for my autographs, and I will sign them. It'll be a dream come true."
"Okay, okay, guys," I said. "Slimmer down. The best song in the movie is about to come on." I was referring to Prince Ali. On Sunday, Lynn Sr. picked up his girls and gave me some money. I then remembered my pitch bibles. "Hey, Lynn. Is there a gym in their school I can borrow tomorrow?"
"No, Lynn has karate class that day, but there is an empty warehouse owned by a friend of mine. Why?" Lynn Sr. asked.
"I have a few ideas," I said. "And if you guys have time, besides Lynn Jr., you can help!"
"We 'll see what we can do," said Lynn Sr. as he climbed into their van and they drove off. Before I went to bed, I made some calls to some more friends of mine.
I dare people to make fanart of this fanfic.
