A/N: Thank you guys so much for reading and reviewing!! I apologize for any mistakes, I'm sick and kinda out of it. Hope you guys enjoy! I own none of these characters.
Elliot POV
I'm glad the bastard is dead. I'm just sorry that I wasn't the one to take him out. I just can't believe that I missed the worst ordeal of her life.
"Literally seconds later, my team and ESU were there. I couldn't speak, they cut me loose and led me out of there. We were all ordered not to speak to each other. I made it to the hospital, underwent the usual tests and things and I just- everything was so messed up. He'd made it look like I was the one who had shot and killed him. He told me before he did it that there was no way that anyone would believe me- due to my televised confession. And he was right. Granted, nobody cared that Lewis was dead- hell, they named me a hero for it. But, the fact remained that I didn't kill him. So, I went and had my interview with IAB, and when I told them what happened, they shut the camera off. Tucker told me that they didn't care that I shot Lewis, they just needed the story to match up with the evidence, and it raised a problem. But I told the truth. And, the Brooklyn DA didn't like it , so he convened a grand jury. He was out to have me arrested for the murder of Lewis, and I was getting ready to put my papers in."
The fuck? "So, what, just prosecute the victim and make the psychopathic torturer look like a martyr for police brutality? Come on. " I was already fed up with this shit. She patted me on the shoulder, and continued.
"At the time, the Brooklyn DA was out to set a name for himself for cleaning out the cesspool that he claims was NYPD corruption. He wanted to make an example out of me. But, it didn't work. Lieutenant Murphy saved my badge. He went before the jury, and, from what I heard, reminded them exactly who they convened for. They chose not to pursue." Thank God. They saw sense. "I'm glad he was there for you. You didn't deserve that." She shrugged her shoulders a bit. "Who does?" She quipped, taking another sip of her wine.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked her, off-put by her response. She gave me a slight grin.
"Because, technically, I was guilty. I used excessive force. I lied under oath. Granted, it was against the lowliest scum of the earth, the worst that the universe could dredge up. But I still did those things." She was looking down at this point, at the glass in her hand. I put a finger under her chin, raised her eyes to meet mine.
"Yes, you did. And it was because of you that he was stopped. You lived through hell, Liv- you survived. Not only once, but twice. And he- he's six foot under with no one missing his existence. You saved people from him. Because, if you would've told the truth from the get go, he would've been released back into the world, leaving a trail of death and destruction. And you- you would've lost everything. And you Liv- you do not deserve that." She laughed a little bit. "What?"
"Oh nothing, you just sound a little like someone else I know." Who?
"Who, Cragen?" She shakes her head.
"No, my therapist practically told me everything you just told me." Ouch. She knows how I feel about shrinks. It must've shown on my face. I conceded. "Well, he's right." She laughs at that outright. "Elliot Stabler agreeing with a shrink! We should do something to commemorate this occasion. Cheers." She raises her glass, and I clink mine with hers. "Unbelievable or not, Liv, it's true. It's all true."
"I know, I worked through it, but it's still nice to hear that, from you." I wish she would've heard it from me at the time instead of now. "I should've been here. That's something that I can never... make up for. We can't go back... but we can go forward together. Liv, I'm not going anywhere. But if you're willing to let me back in, I will be there every step of the way." She looked up at me, tears brimming, threatening to fall. I caught one with my thumb, and I caressed her face a moment before pulling my hand away. She straightened herself, swiping at the tears with her hands. "Elliot. Don't you see? I am letting you in. I've never been able to be... I can't not let you in. And, if you still want to know, I'll tell you more." I immediately nodded my head. "Yes. I want to hear it all, whatever you want to tell me, I'll listen." I grasped her hands and gave them a squeeze, they were slightly chilled, and I have them a quick rub. She looked behind me, and it made me glance back. There was a clock, and it read 3:45am. It was late, and I looked at her, and she looked exhausted. I moved the box from between us, setting it to the side of the couch on the floor. I pulled her up with me.
"Come on, Liv, let's get you to bed." She started to give me argument, I could see it on her face, but I stopped it. "Liv, you're clearly exhausted- and I'm not going anywhere. We can continue this talk tomorrow." She didn't look too pleased, but allowed me to lead her to her bedroom nonetheless. She crawled into her bed, and I couldn't stop the thought, couldn't help but think of the others who warmed her bed, who took the right side. I pulled her cover to her, and I watched her body visibly relax, and she closed her eyes. "El?"
"Yeah?" She looked up at me. "If you don't want to drive, you can stay here. There's a spare bedroom down the hall near Noah's." And with that, she turned over, and went to sleep. I walked to the door, and paused, glancing back at her, and the vacant spot next to her. And it stirred something in me, and I allowed myself to feel something that I'd denied myself for 20 something years. And that- the feeling of love, want and possessiveness over my partner and dearest friend. I loved Olivia, and I wanted her. Did I deserve her after what I put her through? No. But did that stop the feelings? No. I went back out to the living room, and looked around. She'd built a life, a family. And I missed it all.
Guilt is a bitch. I wandered down the hall, and looked into a room. It was Noah's, and curiosity pulled me through the door. It was your typical boys' room, and he was really into dance. And soccer. There was a picture of him and Olivia, and I picked it up, studying it. Her eyes lit up, and they both looked so happy. I always knew she'd make a fantastic mother. If I'd been here, I would've helped her. Would've helped with the job the toll takes, support her when he was sick. Whatever. I would've been there.
I sat the picture back down in its spot, and made my way to the other room. It was simple; doesn't look like anyone hardly used it, there was some boxes in the closet. I laid down on the bed, but I was awake. My mind was reeling about everything Liv told me, and I couldn't get it out of my head. I got up, strolled into the living room, put the wine up, glasses in the dishwasher, and the box contents back in. I found a pad of paper and a pen and left a note for Liv.
Liv, I had to head back. Thank you for sharing with me, and as soon as your available again, let me know. And, I promise, I'll answer at your call. I'm here. Always. -El
I attached it to the fridge with a magnet, and, picking up the box, I headed out, locking the door behind me. I headed to my place, because for what I was about to do- going down a rabbit hole- I needed my computer. I was about to go down memory lane through the eyes of everyone who was there when Liv was taken. And I couldn't let her see me or catch me doing it. And I had to see the face of the beast who did it to her. I wasn't going to be able to rest until I did.
A/N : I'm going to leave us here. Sorry this is so late. I'm planning a couple more updates to make up for it. Hope you guys like this chapter. Please read and review!
