Chapter 5: It's Like I Don't Know Anything
Early Monday morning, Connor sat on the edge of his hospital bed, worriedly running a hand through his hair.
He gulped, rapidly tapping his feet up and down.
The morning light streamed through the window, causing him to squint.
He really didn't want to go back to school.
Like, desperately didn't want to go back to school.
He knew the kids would be whispering about him, and Evan and definitely Zoe. They probably already had hundreds of different theories on why all three of them were out.
"…Connor?" Evan asked, entering his friend's hospital room.
Connor looked up. "Hey Ev. What's up?"
Evan's eyes wandered around the room, settling on looking out the window. His hands were fiddling with the hem of his shirt. "Are you….Are you nervous about going, back…back to school?" he stumbled through the question, visibly swallowing.
"Yeah." Connor answered straight away, leaning down and tying his bootlaces.
"You are?" Evan now looked at the boy.
"Yeah. I'm terrified." he stood, looking at Evan. "I know they're going to be saying some terrible things- and I'm afraid it's going to hurt one of us." he whispered, pulling his hoodie around himself.
"Connor," Evan paused. "I'll, um, I'll be here for you, all right?"
"Thanks. And I got your back, Ev." Connor smiled, picking up his bag. "You ready?"
"As ready as much as I'll ever be."
"I wish I could just come back with you guys now." Zoe told her brother and friend/sort of boyfriend.
"I know, but you still have a few days. Don't worry- I'll be coming by every day after school." Connor confirmed, giving her a nod. "So- what crap did they serve for breakfast today?"
"Actually, Mom went out and got me some egg bites from Starbucks- she got you some, too. And you, Ev."
Connor grinned, taking the brown bag from his younger sister. "Well, I guess we'll be heading out." he kissed the top of her head. "See you in a few hours."
"See you then, Con. Love you."
"You too." he said warmly, walking out the door.
Evan stood next to her bed. "I hope your day is all right. Um, L-Love you." he told her, kissing her cheek.
She used one of her hands to pull his face towards her own and gave him a soft kiss. "I Love you too, Evan. I hope you have a good day."
"See you later?" he asked, shifting under the weight of his backpack.
"See you later- but don't forget your breakfast!" she held up the bag.
Evan smiled, going over and retrieving the bag. "Thank you."
"Is it okay if I give you one more?" Zoe asked, looking him in the eyes.
"For good luck." he explained on the spot.
"Yeah- For good luck." she grinned as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips.
"See you at four."
"See you then, Evan."
He waved and turned around, shutting the door behind him.
A whistle startled him out of his thoughts about Zoe. "Well, Hansen, I gotta tell you, I'm impressed. You won her over so fast." Connor smirked, raising an eyebrow.
Evan turned bright red, mortified. "You… heard all that?"
"And saw it. It was sweet. You're just what she needs right now, Evan. Thanks." he said gratefully, walking down the halls of the hospital- Evan scrambling to catch up with him.
"Wait- who's taking us?"
Evan sat in the back seat of Larry's nice, neat car, the smell of newness flooding his nose. "Is…this car new, Mr. Murphy?" he asked, looking at the clean seats.
"No. I've had it for awhile. It just still drives really smooth and looks great." Larry responded, reaching for one of the knobs in the front of the car.
A baseball game blared throughout the car.
Evan jumped, flinching.
"Dad!" Connor shouted.
"Sorry!" Larry apologized, immediately lowering the volume.
Connor inwardly groaned.
Baseball? Seriously?
Stay quiet, Connor.
Stay quiet…
"Yes!" Larry shouted, making a u-turn.
"Dad! You're scaring Evan. You can't yell like that." Connor reminded his father, looking at Evan in the rearview mirror. "Sorry." he mouthed, frowning.
Evan shrugged, fiddling with the zipper on his hoodie.
Connor took out his phone, and texted Evan.
Evan heard a quiet reminder and turned his phone around.
Connor: Is baseball boring or what?
Evan gave a little laugh, texting his response.
Evan: Yeah, I've never really been into sports.
Connor: I hate sports.
Evan: Did you ever play any?
Connor: Dad tried to get me to when I was younger, but I was always so small compared to the other kids.
Evan: Me too. My mom didn't even try, though.
Connor: lucky. Never played sports, but I did do ballet for awhile when I was younger.
Evan: No way
Connor: yeah. Connor Murphy was a ballerina. Don't u dare repeat that to anyone at school.
Evan: why would I do that?
Connor: idk
Evan: exactly.
"Boys! We're here!" Larry said, unlocking the car.
Evan and Connor jumped, looking up. "Oh," they said in unison, stuffing their phones in their pockets.
"Bye. I'll see you at three thirty." Larry said as they got out of the car.
"Okay- Bye." Connor nodded, slinging his bag onto his shoulder.
"Bye, Mr. Murphy." Evan smiled.
"Please, Evan- Call me Larry."
Evan nodded.
"Have good day." Larry told them, rolling up the window.
"We'll try..." Connor mumbled, staring at the building. ? "So... let's just go in and separate when we reach my locker, got it?"
"Got it." Evan nodded, adjusting his backpack and continuing to walk.
Connor followed close behind, looking around to see if his other classmates were staring at them.
Sure enough, plenty of students's eyes were on them.
He groaned, heading inside the school.
This is gonna be a long day.
Practically the second Evan and Connor set foot in the building the halls went quiet, and most everyone turned to stare at them.
Connor bit the inside of his mouth fiercely, urging himself not to lash out.
A kid scoffed and Connor snapped.
"Mind your own frickin' business." he glared, pushing past them and going to his locker.
"C-Connor." Evan stuttered, catching up to him. "They'll find something new to talk about soon. They always do."
"I have a feeling they'll be on this topic for awhile." He sighed, taking his chemistry book out of his locker.
Evan bit his lip, a bead of sweat running down the side of his face.
Connor's normally small blue eyes grew large. "No! It's fine. It'll be fine." he scrambled to reassure his friend. "I bet someone will break up and, and everyone will be gossiping about them." he said quickly, unsurely placing a hand on Evan's shoulder. "It'll be fine, Evan."
Evan shakily took a deep breath as he stared down at his sneakers. "It…It'll be all right."
Connor nodded. "Now, I gotta go to Biology, but I'll see you in Calc."
Evan nodded. "See you then."
Connor walked off, glancing back to make sure he didn't scare Evan out of his skin.
Evan gave him a small nod and an unsure smile.
"Hansen!"
Evan yelped, jumping as Jared came up to him.
Jared chuckled to himself as Evan scrambled to pick his history book back up.
"I thought you loved the other Murphy- not her older brother. And I thought you said you weren't gay."
Evan turned bright red. "I'm not- and you know it."
Jared smirked. "Oh right…Didn't I see you making out with Zoe Murphy in the hospital….?"
"Shh!" Evan hissed.
Jared started making kissing noises.
"Shut up, Jared." he said, nervously glancing around.
"Where is your lover, anyway?"
Evan's teeth gritted together. "She's still in the hospital."
"Why? Did your boyfriend do something to her?"
Evan glared. "He isn't my boyfriend. And no. Connor didn't do anything to her."
"Then what happened? Did she-"
"Just shut up, Jared! For once, leave me alone!" Evan shouted, turning around and stomping (as much as he could stomp) away.
Jared stood there, dumbfound.
He raised his eyebrows. "I think I can get used to this new Evan."
Connor sat in biology, twirling a strand of his hair around his finger.
Someone slid something onto the shared desk, right in front of him.
He glanced over at the person sitting on the stool next to him.
Alana Beck.
No way she passed him a note.
He raised his eyebrows and she gave him a subtle nod.
Slipping it into his lap, he unfolded it quietly, looking down to read it.
Dear Connor Murphy,
Meet me in the hallway after class.
We need to talk.
Sincerely,
Alana Beck
Connor's eyebrows scrunched together.
What could Alana Beck want with me?
He turned the piece of paper around and scrawled a message in pencil.
Slipping it into Alana's lap he waited for her to respond.
Why? We only talked that one time when we presented on "Huck" Finn.
She looked at him, desperation in her dark eyes. "Please?" she mouthed.
He closed his eyes for a moment, before turning to look at her.
"Okay."
Alana waited, nervous he would walk right pass her.
It'd happen so many times, she wouldn't be surprised- not the slightest bit.
"Alana?"
She looked up, smiling at Connor.
"Why'd you wanna see me?" he asked, keeping his hands in the pockets of his jeans.
"Are you all right?" she asked, staring at him with concern in her eyes.
His eyebrows raised. "Excuse me? What?"
"Are you all right?" she asked once more.
"I-I don't understand...?" Connor trailed off, feeling his heart thump in his chest.
"I was, just wondering. Because you've been out for a week. And I always notice you so it was weird to not see you and I noticed your sister was out too. And Evan Hansen as well, so I thought that something maybe happened to all three of you." Alana explained.
Connor blushed. "You, uh, always notice me?"
Alana's eyes grew in embarrassment. "I mean, us loners have to look out for each other, right?"
Connor nodded.
He'd never really thought about Alana being a loner, but now that she said it, he realized she was a lot like him.
She didn't seem to let anyone get too close, and she didn't seem to show much emotion, except over-enthusiasm- like how Connor got over-angry.
"Yeah. I guess we do. Thanks." he smiled, shifting his bag.
"You have nice smile, Connor Murphy." she smiled at him, a genuine smile that he'd never seen before.
"You too, Alana Beck. See you in Literature."
"I'll see you there- thank you, Connor."
"Thank you, Alana."
Connor walked into calculus with a big grin on his face.
He slid into the chair next to Evan's, setting his bag on the floor.
Evan stared at him. "Hey, Connor…"
Connor just kept smiling, which was a very strange occurrence that made Evan strangely anxious.
"Connor?" Evan asked, leaning his head down to look at him.
Still nothing.
"Connor!" he raised his voice, shoving at his arm.
Connor turned his head to look at him. "Hmm?"
"I've been talking to you for like, five minutes." Evan told him, blinking.
"Sorry," Connor said briefly, resting his face in his hand.
"Connor…what the heck happened in Biology?" Evan asked, his eyebrows creased.
Connor turned to look at him. "Nothing."
Evan rolled his eyes. "I'm not that dumb. It's stating the obvious to say something happened to you in the last hour."
Connor crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. "Nothing happened to me. I'm the same Connor Murphy you talked to before class."
"Fine. Don't tell me. But I can guarantee that Jared will realize and start making fun of you."
"Kleinman's a jerk- Why do you two hang out again?"
"I'm not really sure. I think he's getting his parents to pay for his car insurance or something."
Connor nodded.
"Hey! You're getting off topic!" Evan scolded. "Now what-"
"Hey, Murphy- What happened to you?" Jared asked, sitting in the desk in front of Evan's.
Connor rolled his eyes, looking over at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"That's more like it. You were smiling?"
Connor grumbled. "Back off, Jared."
"Was It because of your boyfriend?" Jared asked, grinning.
"Jared!" Evan shouted, not realizing their classmates were starting to stare.
Connor narrowed his eyes. "What did you just say?"
Jared visibly swallowed.
"Good. Now you better shut your mouth up or else I'll-"
"Or else you'll what, Mr. Murphy?"
Connor's eyes widened as he looked up.
Mr. Park was staring at him, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Please, Mr. Murphy, finish your sentence."
Connor turned to look at Jared. "Or else I'll shut it for you." he said through gritted teeth.
Mr. Park nodded, going up to his desk, coming back over, and slamming a paper down on Connor's.
Connor looked down. "Detention!?"
Mr. Park nodded, slamming one down on Jared's desk, too.
"For what?!" Jared exclaimed.
"It was clear you were both apart of this."
"Mr. Park- I-I- Connor has to be somewhere after school-"
Mr. Park slammed a piece of paper onto Evan's desk, causing Evan to yelp and flinch, causing him to shake.
He continued to shake after Mr. Park had went back up to the front of the classroom.
Connor subtly placed his hand on Evan's knee. "It's okay." he breathed, keeping his eyes on the board.
Evan's shaking died down a bit, and he absent-mindedly fidgeted with the bracelets on Connor's wrists.
Connor flinched, but made sure not to pull his hand away.
I'll have to text Zoe during lunch.
Picking up his phone Connor went to messages, first to text his father, then Zoe.
After he'd texted Larry, he lingered over what to say to his sister.
He scratched his head, than began to type.
Hey Zoe. So…I got into an argument with Kleinman and Evan tried to intervene…so we both have detention. So sorry, Zo. We'll make sure to come after that.
Connor groaned, then deleted the message.
He couldn't tell her that he got detention on his first day back.
Hi Zo. Ev and I won't be able to come right to the hospital, so we'll prob be there around 5ish. Ily.
He shrugged, then sent it.
…typing message
Connor cringed. "Of course Zoe has her phone right there."
What happened? Are you guys all right? I NEED DETAILS ;-;
He sighed. "Even her text puppy eyes are impossible to resist."
"Who's?"
His head shot up to see Alana staring down at him.
"Is that spot taken?" she asked, pointing to the spot in the grass next to him.
He shook his head. "Nope. Although Evan should be coming soon."
Alana nodded, lowering herself onto the lawn.
She unzipped her backpack and pulled out her lunch bag, taking out a neatly packed lunch.
"Oh, by the way- I'm texting my sister."
"Zoe?"
"Yeah- sorry- didn't know you knew her."
"Yeah…I don't know too many people, but Zoe happens to be one of the ones I do."
Connor nodded. "How?"
"How do I know her? Oh, we talked in a corner of the gym during the dance last spring. Neither of us knew what to do, so, we just talked. We still talk, occasionally."
"That's cool. She never told me." he paused, breathing in the autumn air. "She's in the hospital right now." he told her without thinking.
Alana's already big eyes widened. "What happened? Is she all right?"
Connor's own eyes widened. "I'm sorry- I didn't mean to say that. But, yeah, she's good. She's coming back to school Wednesday."
Alana sighed. "That's good. What happened to her?"
"She cut her arms. I mean- her arms got cut- I mean, she hurt her arms. I mean- she didn't hurt them- they got hurt without any help from her…" Connor smacked his head, and Alana smiled at him.
"It's okay- I understand."
Connor glanced up at her. "R-Really?"
She nodded. "A lot."
His face saddened. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault, Con." she immediately reddened. "I'm sorry."
Connor blushed. "No- you're good- only if you have a nickname, though."
She grinned. "Do I? Ally. Lana. Lonnie. Alani. Al. Ana. Becky..."
"Okay, okay. Wow. Which one has no one called you?"
"Lonnie."
"Then that's what I choose."
Now it was her turn to blush. "Okay then- Con and Lonnie."
"Con and Lonnie." he breathed, looking over at her. "It has a nice ring to it."
"Speaking of rings…" Alana pointed to Connor's phone.
About a bajillion texts were popping up on the screen, and then Zoe started to FaceTime.
He sighed. "I better pick up- don't go anywhere."
"Wasn't planning on it."
Connor accepted, pushing his hair out of his face.
Zoe's worried face popped up on the screen. "Connor! Why weren't you answering me? What happened? Are you okay!?" she asked frantically.
"Woah, woah- Zo! Calm. Down. I didn't answer you 'Cause I was talking to someone."
"Ev?"
"No- Alana."
"Is she with you?" Zoe asked.
He nodded. "Lonnie- you wanna say hey to Zoe?"
Alana nodded, and Connor turned the camera to face her. "Hey, Zo."
"Hi, Lana. You good?"
She nodded. "You?"
Zoe shrugged. "Fine. The hospital sure is boring, though."
"That sure is true."
"Con- What happened, though?" she directed her attention back to her brother.
He sighed. "Evan and I got detention…" he cringed.
"Detention?!" Zoe exclaimed. "How?"
"Well... Jared Kleinman was being a jerk and I was about to say something to him but then Mr. Park came over and reprimanded us and gave me and Jared dentition, then Evan tried to intervene and tell the teacher that I had to be somewhere after school but he didn't listen and gave Evan detention too…soooo…yeah. How's your day been?"
Jared sighed, taking his glasses off an pinching the bridge of his nose. "Dentition sucks." he muttered.
"Seriously sucks." Connor mumbled in agreement.
Evan leaned his head on the back of his chair. "I finished my homework like, fifteen minutes agooo."
Connor took out a pen and began to skillfully draw a thorny branch on his arm.
"Cool, dude." Jared sort of complimented, nodding his head in approval.
Connor glanced up at him, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Thanks."
He continued to draw until something hit his foot.
He looked down, scooping up a crumpled piece of notebook paper.
He opened it, reading what must be Jared's handwriting.
Man- I am literally deadly bored. Should we throw paper balls and come up with targets? Pass this note onto Evan after response.
Connor stifled a laugh, nodded at Jared, then slid the note over to Evan.
Jared and Connor both glanced back to see his reaction.
He shrugged, mouthing "Sure,".
Jared subtly snickered, quietly rolling multiple pieces of notebook paper and passing two each to Evan and Connor.
"Mr. Park's left foot." Connor told them under his breath as he threw the paper underhanded towards their teacher's foot, hitting it expertly.
Mr. Park glanced up at them right as they all pretended to busy themselves.
"Hmm…" he stared back down at the papers on his desk as they all looked back up and snickered among themselves.
"The D in detention on the chalkboard." Jared whispered, very obviously hurling it at the board.
It hit it's mark, and, miraculously, without Mr. Park realizing it.
Connor and Jared turned around to face their common friend. "Your turn, Evan."
He bit his lip. "I'm not so sure about this…"
Jared shook his head and Connor told Evan, "You're too pure for this world."
Evan chuckled. "Fine- I'll-I'll do it." he said, attempting to sound determined.
He rolled one of the crumbled papers in his hands. "Just you wait and see…"
"No waiting- just seeing! Hurry up, Hansen!" Jared told him impatiently, but not necessarily rudely.
Evan sighed. "Out the open window on the left and into the trash.
Connor whistled. "Going for the big shot already, eh? Cocky, are we?"
Evan resisted the urge to laugh and used his right hand to shoot it out the window, it barely landing in the open trash bin. "Yes!" Evan pumped his fist in the air as Connor and Jared both held their hands out for high-fives.
He quietly accepted there congratulations.
"Hey- you're not so bad, Kleinman- I probably would've climbed out the window if you hadn't come up with this." Connor told Jared.
Jared shrugged. "You're not so bad yourself, Murphy."
Zoe hopefully looked up as the door to her hospital room creaked open.
Connor stepped inside, along with Evan, Cynthia, and Larry.
She smiled. "Hey-"
"Would two extra visitors be allowed?" Alana asked, entering the room.
"Lana! Hey!" Zoe's eyes brightened at the sight of her friend.
Jared sheepishly stood behind her. "Hey…sorry about, the other day.." he apologized, adjusting his glasses.
Zoe shrugged. "You're good."
"I've done quite a bit of carpooling today." Larry chuckled, walking over to his daughter and kissing her forehead. "How've you been?"
She rolled her eyes. "Very bored."
Cynthia stepped forward and kissed her head. "Hi, sweetheart."
Evan smiled. "Hey, Zo."
"Hi, Ev- how has your day been?"
Jared raised his eyebrows and nudged Connor as he and Alana shared a glance.
"Fine. Average." Evan wanted so badly to give her a kiss, but he definitely did not want to do it in front of four other people- especially Larry. (Technically Connor and Jared had already seen them.)
She nodded slowly. "Con?"
"Eh- All right. Hey- have you had dinner?"
Zoe shook her head. "Why?..."
He grinned. "What do you say we have a picnic?"
Dear Readers/followers of this story,
Thank you for continuing to favorite/follow this story! I know I am very inconsistent with how often I publish this story, and I am sorry. I am currently working on many other things, along with other stuff in my life. I've almost published the majority of this story that I've written. Anyway, thank you so much for taking time to read this!
Sincerely,
DearElizaHamilton
