Chapter 6: It All Burdens Me
It all burdens me
As I imagine the road ahead
What faraway dream could you have reached
Had you not been shot down by the world around you
What childish ambition
What spark of hope
Could've pushed you toward a brighter future
To a world that was more worth your presence?
Another quiet dinner shared by two, watched by one. Another night of eating a simple meal, only to stare in utter confusion as the one who needed it most only dared to touch their plate once they were finished. The boy ate silently, only managing to clean a quarter of his plate before giving up and allowing the two in front of him to take it away.
What was the source of this strange habit of his? Was he trying to see if they'd poisoned his food? Was it that he was simply waiting for it to cool? What was the issue?
Andvari only wished that the boy would verbally speak to them, tell them anything, say anything, to give them a clue on how he was faring. He knew well enough that the boy could, at the very least, understand them. What was keeping him from speaking? Violent flinches and the strongest thousand-yard stare he'd ever seen in his life could only go so far as to let him know what was going on in that fragile and delicate, yet strong and withstanding little brain of his.
Had it been the initial injury he had sustained that prevented his voice from being used? Was it painful to speak? Was it a preference?
Why was this child so difficult to read?
Thinking about the night when he found the child standing so shakily above the broken plate, when he found those silver eyes staring up at him as if he'd undo everything he'd done to free him in order to bring him harm, nearly brought Andvari to vomit as the memory continued to remind him that the boy's response had been learned. He'd been taught to ignore his own injuries. He'd been taught to fear the hand that feeds him, to fear for his life as it was valued more than a replaceable object. Thinking about when he saw the same look on the other's face when he wore his lab coat in front of him made his nausea worse as he knew for certain that he and his colleagues had taught that response and reinforced his worst nightmares.
A haunting thought came to plague him. If they managed to find where he came from, and who he belonged to, would they be doing more harm than good? Would they be returning him to the place he escaped from, not the place he'd simply lost his way from?
Finding himself feeling only more disturbed by the second, Andvari let out a small sigh as he stood at the kitchen sink, a small dishrag in his right hand as a plate sat in the other. His tired eyes stared almost blankly at the plate, looking over its pink surface with little actual focus as his thoughts occupied his attention instead.
He'd questioned it over and over before, but now he was more concerned. How would he be able to fully gain the other's trust from here on out? How could he undo years of learned behavior, if he even had the power to do so in the first place? He wasn't as worried about Martha's ability to reach the boy, but him?
Finishing the dishes and setting them off to the side of the sink in order to dry more properly, Andvari found himself moving over to the living room where his desk was, lighting a lamp that was placed on it as he began to look over the paperwork that he'd left next to said lamp with less enthusiasm than he would've liked. Seeing as the pile was slightly messy, with some reports sticking out and some falling out of order entirely, Andvari let another sigh escape his lips as he pulled out the chair in front of the desk and sat down promptly. His first plan of action was to get this pile organized as quickly as possible before he'd be assigned more work in the future. Though he knew that he'd be able to read through it quickly enough thanks in part to his trained eyes, on the off-chance that he wouldn't be able to do such a thing, he at least wanted to get through most of the pile.
Picking up the papers and shifting them around in his hands a bit to straighten them out more, Andvari then pulled a report from the top of the stack before placing the rest down in front of him, beginning to read over that report's contents thoroughly.
Another mob report. There were apparently fewer mobs to deal with, though extra tests have been conducted upon the zombies in order to triple-check whether or not the boy he was now taking care of was truly one of them. No matches found; that boy was truly an anomaly.
He went to the next report. The local skeletons have recently been found to have slightly bigger bones compared to their last measurements. A bit unnerving, but they'd find the cause soon enough.
The next report soon found itself in his hands. A frustrated sigh escaped his lips as he read through it. Numbers from last week's mob count sat in front of him. How he'd grabbed the already-outdated report was beyond him, but his hands immediately moved to shuffle the report to his 'read' pile.
As he went to grab another report from the stack, the sound of a doorknob slowly turning came to his ears, leading to him looking off to the side to find the door to the guest room slowly opening. The boy, a bit wobbly in his stance, came out, moving past the door and gently closing it before turning to walk into the living room.
As soon as he did so, he froze as his gaze locked on Andvari.
Slowly putting the report in his hands down on the desk so as to not alarm the boy, Andvari began to speak.
"...Wanted to take a little walk?"
No response.
"...Are you hungry?"
The boy stared him for a moment or two before shaking his head.
"...Um…" Andvari said, turning his gaze to the side as he suddenly found himself to be a bit nervous.
Why had the boy left his room after having been tucked into bed? Was he hurt? Scared? Sad? Bored?
"...Are you okay?" Andvari asked a bit louder, watching as the boy slightly flinched at the sound of his voice. Thankfully though, he didn't back away.
The boy simply stared at him, eyes widened as he gave no response whatsoever.
"...Are you just bored of sitting there in the dark? Can't sleep?"
Staring at him for a couple more seconds, Andvari let out a small sigh, closing his eyes for a second before moving to grab a piece of blank paper from a small basket on his desk.
It bothered him immensely that even such a simple movement as that caused the boy to flinch.
Presenting the paper to him, Andvari waved it around a bit as he gave the boy a small smile.
"...You wanna draw? Get your mind off of things?"
Offering a small pencil as well, Andvari waited for him to make any sort of movement whatsoever. It wasn't until he offered it more directly to the other, outstretching his arm, that the boy finally took a hesitant step forward, obviously fighting with himself to continue closing the distance.
When he finally got close enough, the boy, rather gently, took the paper and pencil from his hands, backing away with his eyes solely focused upon him as he then went to sit on the floor close to the couch, right in front of their coffee table.
Turning back toward his desk, Andvari decided to resume his work, only to pause as he realized something.
"Oh, I forgot to give you an actual eraser. Those pencils are fairly unreliable when it comes to actually being able to erase stuff, so pardon me, for a second."
Opening his desk drawer, Andvari rummaged around for a bit before pulling out a spare eraser, one that had only been used ages ago. He then stood up, carrying it with him, and carefully made his way over to the boy in front of the sofa, pausing a couple of feet away from him.
"I'm going to briefly breach your personal space. Is that alright with you?"
The boy stared up at him for a few short seconds before slowly nodding his head, leading to Andvari giving him a soft smile in return.
"...Okay. This will only take a second."
Andvari walked closer, bent down to place the eraser right in front of the boy, then stood back up in order to return to his desk. As he sat down, he took a moment to briefly shift around the contents of his desk before beginning to read his reports once again.
"If you want any more pages, let me know, alright? You don't need to get close to me if you don't want to, just make any kind of noise you want. Tap the pencil against the coffee table, for example."
Silence filled the space between them briefly before the sound of pencil against paper came to Andvari's ears, leading to a small smile appearing on his face.
He let the boy draw for a while, fighting off the urge to turn around periodically in order to see what he was drawing.
In all honesty, his main concern about the other at the moment, apart from his aversion to seeing him as anything but a potential threat at most points, was how the boy was sleeping. The dark circles underneath the boy's eyes hadn't gotten any lighter, so he knew for a fact that whatever sleep he might've even been remotely getting hadn't been enough to help him properly.
Wanting to get to the issue, Andvari let out a small sigh before he spoke.
"...So…you're having trouble sleeping."
Andvari briefly turned around to witness the boy looking up at him with intrigue.
"...I get it, you know. Me too. It's not easy, is it? You're still in pain, you're in a place that's unfamiliar…separated from your family, too. It's a lot for such a young boy like you, isn't it?"
The boy looked down a bit solemnly, returning to the page beneath him as he continued to sketch.
"...Finding you in the lab like that still haunts me. It's nothing compared to the fact that you actually experienced it, but…knowing what happened…it's…well, a lot."
As silence filled the space within the room once again, Andvari found himself failing to truly return to his papers once again, his attention mainly focused on the boy behind him. Picking up a report from the desk, Andvari waved it gently in front of himself as he skimmed over its contents.
"...You know…when you came in…well, before you came in, I was reading a report just like the one in my hands, right here." He shook the paper a bit for emphasis. "...I often read reports that go over different mob species, different kinds of wildlife in the area, all sorts of interesting things."
Briefly turning back to glance at the boy, Andvari found him staring directly at him.
"...Did you know that the skeletons are getting bigger? Isn't that rather strange?"
The boy looked at him in a bit of confusion before he continued further.
"...I suppose that's a foolish question, especially since I'm asking you of all people, but…I wonder, truly, what causes such a phenomenon? Is there something in the ground around this area that's contributing to it all? Some type of strange magic? Strange flora? Special nutrients?"
As Andvari talked to the boy, he found his expression slowly shifting from utter confusion to total intrigue. Shaky silver eyes soon grew a bit wider with pure interest, amusing the researcher as he briefly looked back at the pile of reports on his desk.
"I mean, we have been seeing a rise in invasive species, recently. In terms of plant life, a lot of different flowers and shrubbery have been showing up in places they really shouldn't be, and it's becoming a slight problem, you know. For example…"
Andvari looked through his pile for a moment or so before pulling a report with an image of a strange flower upon the front cover, turning it so that the boy would be able to see it clearly. He leaned over the back of his chair so that the boy would have an easier time looking at the page.
"This one right here. We don't really have a good name for it yet, but all we know at the moment is that it has a fondness for overtaking and destroying the local cornflower population. It's irritating, but hey, at least the flower's pretty-"
Andvari found himself being cut off by the boy in front of him drawing almost frantically upon the paper he was given, taking no further notice of his words any longer. Confused, Andvari moved to place the report back on his desk, returning his focus back to the other not too long after. It wasn't long until Andvari noticed what he'd suddenly become immensely focused on drawing, causing his gaze to slightly widen in amazement as the other's drawing became more detailed by the second.
The same flower that he'd just shown him, the same seven-petal flower that had been photographed so carefully, was now sketched upon the white paper below the boy, almost identical to the picture in the researcher's hands. Glancing in between the picture and the drawing, Andvari only grew more stunned at the other's apparent talent.
"...Huh. That's…wait, let me see that for a second, when you're done."
The boy looked back up at him briefly with a neutral stare before looking back down at his drawing, taking a moment to finish the details before slowly showing it to Andvari, a bit hesitant in his movements.
...
...
...
Yup. As he'd suspected, the picture the child drew was identical to the one featured in the report, much to his sheer awe.
"...Wow. That's actually rather spectacular! I…is this your talent? Do you have a photographic memory, by any chance?"
The boy tilted his head off to the side in confusion for a bit as Andvari let out a small laugh.
"A…if you're confused on what that means, it means that you can remember everything you've seen like…well…"
Though Andvari trailed off initially due to the fact that recollection had appeared in the other's gaze, his own words came to surprise him as their implications hit him in full force.
He found himself suddenly desperately hoping that the boy just had a good artistic eye. He hoped that he didn't have the capability to remember every single detail of everything single thing he saw. Of every experience that he had, of every cut and every bruise that had made its way onto his body. Of every harsh word that came to his ears, of anything that reminded him of the horrors that had been personally demonstrated to him.
"...Nevermind. You're pretty talented, I'll give you that. Do you often draw flowers and things like that?"
The boy took a moment to process his words before nodding slowly.
"...Really? You plan on becoming a botanist, or…wait, do you draw living things, too?"
Another few seconds of processing. Another small nod.
"...What do you plan on doing, in the future? Are you just drawing them for fun, or…are you passionate about nature? Do you want to research it?"
The boy nodded his head.
"Do you want to study and document nature?"
Another nod.
"Do you want to make books based on what you find?"
The boy nodded eagerly, standing up a bit shakily as he went to fully hand the other his drawing. Taking the sketch within his hands as the boy backed away almost immediately, Andvari looked it over again before nodding.
"...Take it from a fellow researcher, with sketches like these, you'll be able to perfectly document things that nobody else has ever managed to do so. A skill like this can take you far, you know. Not a lot of researchers can do something like this! They often have to get somebody else to draw whatever they find, and even then, it doesn't often turn out all that accurate without having further encounters."
Andvari smiled, giving the boy back his drawing carefully as he then turned back to look upon the contents of his desk once again.
"...You know, I'll bet that you'll make some gorgeous books someday."
Without turning to see if the other was giving him a non-verbal response or not, Andvari decided to place more of his focus on the papers in front of him. The boy was more eager to respond to him, and that much alone was a cause for celebration in his eyes. It didn't matter if that child's face wouldn't reflect any strong emotions to him, he now knew what he was passionate about, and, with the time Andvari had now, he hoped that he'd be able to support the other in his endeavors as long as he could. Even if the boy would never be able to look him straight in the eye for longer than a second, he hoped that at least sometime in the future the boy would realize what he'd do for him if it meant leaving him better off than he was right now.
Had he actually looked, he would've been met with the shaky gaze of the child behind him, staring directly at him as if he'd given him the world.
When Martha stepped out of the bedroom and turned to descend the stairs, she was a bit surprised to see that, in the living room, the boy that she had sworn was still asleep several minutes ago was currently lying on the couch, staring directly up at the ceiling with exhausted eyes, one hand lying upon his stomach while the other idly messed around with the surface of the blinds behind the couch. Walking down the stairs, Martha found his attention slowly turning toward her as he stopped touching the blinds.
After a few moments of pure silence, the woman let out a small sigh as it slowly became apparent why he was where he was.
"...Did you stay up all night again?"
The boy took a moment to process her words before nodding.
"...You know, that's not exactly…well, never mind. Tonight, we can try something to help you out with setting a good sleeping schedule. In the meantime, however…"
Martha pointed up to the sun hat that was currently sitting on the top of her head.
"Do you want to garden with me for a bit? If it's a busy head that's keeping you up, maybe it can help you relax?"
The boy looked up at her wordlessly, moving to roll around one of his wrists with his other hand as he kept his gaze on her.
"...C'mon! It's actually really fun! Plus, when we're done, we can eat some of the fruit out there, if you'd like! They taste better when you grow them yourself."
Silence followed her attempt at persuasion, leaving her waiting for the boy to give some sort of indication that he'd actually heard her offer in the first place.
Slowly but surely, the boy gave her a nod. Walking forward, Martha gestured for him to follow.
"Let's get you suited up, first! Of course, I don't have any overalls in your size, but we can fix that later! A nice shirt you can dirty up will work fine, for now. Plus a hat to keep you safe from the sun!"
As she gestured for the boy to follow her up the stairs, she paused, looking up toward the second floor as a particular realization dawned on her.
She saw how the boy had been walking for the past couple of days. The way his stance always remained unsteady as if he couldn't fully trust his legs to keep him upright, the way that he always had to keep a hand placed upon something, anything to keep him outright falling into a nervous heap upon the floor.
Turning back to look down at the boy, she gave him a slightly sheepish smile.
"Actually, wait here a moment, I'll bring you something from upstairs. I hope that you don't mind having different colors."
Seeing the boy move to grab the end of the stairway railing as he kept his gaze fixated upon her, Martha began to ascend the stairs quickly, not wanting to leave him waiting for long. After several minutes of active searching, she finally found another green sun hat for the boy to use, an old blue shirt of hers, and an old pair of gardening gloves that she had stored away in a nearby dresser. Though she knew well enough that they would in no way actually fit him properly, she grabbed them anyways. Coming back down the stairs, Martha waved the hat she brought in the air as the boy focused his gaze upon her once again. Once she got close enough, she offered the hat out to the boy, waiting rather patiently as he cautiously reached out a hand in order to grab it and take it.
"There! A nice little sun hat to keep you cool!"
Looking down at the hat, his silver gaze wavered in an emotion she couldn't read, before he slowly placed the hat upon the top of his head. It immediately fell over his eyes, much to her amusement, as she stifled a small laugh at the sight of the child struggling to keep it in place on top of his head.
"I guess I'll have to get you another hat in the meantime while you grow into that one, huh?" She asked quietly, moving to take back the hat within her hands gently.
To her surprise, the boy immediately backed away from her reach, holding the brim of the hat rather tightly as he stared up at her with wide eyes.
Something in the other's gaze managed to make her heart drop in an instant. The possessiveness in his eyes, the unwillingness to part with such a small thing, all held firm within the boy's gaze as he looked up at her. However, despite the look in his eyes, despite how upset he was at the fact that he'd have to give up the hat so soon, he, nevertheless, slowly removed it from his head, handing it back over to Martha with a bit of sadness within his gaze as well.
Something told her that he was no stranger to having his belongings taken from him; to having no certainty in the knowledge of what was his to keep, and what was simply his to borrow.
With a careful hand, Martha pushed the hat back into his care, causing him to stare up at her with a bit of confusion in his gaze.
"...You'll grow into it. Maybe if we put a towel in there first, it won't fall down so easily? Let's try that."
Moving to a nearby cabinet, Martha pulled out a small handtowel before handing it to the boy with an apologetic smile, feeling rather guilty as the boy stood still, not bothering to even flip over the hat in order to let her place the towel in.
"...You can keep the hat, little one. I'm…I'm sorry."
He stared at her for an added few seconds before glancing away, his expression showing clear signs of embarrassment as he put the towel inside of the hat and placed it on his head. Finding him visibly attempting to fight the urge to run, Martha decided to place her hands upon her hips as she then motioned for him to follow with her head, gaining his attention with the action.
"Now come on, the garden isn't going to work on itself!"
He stared at her for a solid few seconds or so before following.
It was an interesting process, to say the least. Though Martha had fully expected to be responsible for explaining a lot of the tasks that they were going to try and finish, it soon became apparent that the boy was more knowledgeable than he originally seemed. She'd given him a watering can, but before she could explain to him how much he would have to water some of the fruit trees, he'd made an educated guess and had watered them perfectly himself. The way he stared at the water as if he was measuring the ounces himself by just eyeballing it was more focused and intense than the usual foggy, unfocused gaze he had on his face from day to day.
Did this mean that he'd come from a place that was familiar with garden work? A farm, perhaps? Did he have parents that were enthusiastic about the art of gardening? Was he the one with an interest in gardening?
As he went to water another one of her peach trees, which was currently in season and practically begging to be harvested, a small hum left her lips as she walked over to him, standing a couple of feet away as she placed her hands upon her hips and examined him.
"...Huh. You were a gardener too, all this time, and you didn't tell me?" She asked with a bit of a playful tone in her voice.
The boy paused his task and looked up at her, expression blank as he kept his gaze on her.
Looking back down at the peach tree he was currently tending to, Martha went and searched through the leaves a bit before picking a peach from the depths of the plant. Seeing momentary fear appear in his gaze, she kept her smile present on her face as she held the peach out to the boy with eagerness.
"I've been growing these here for a while now, they're sweeter than the ones we used to get at the market! They make for some pretty good jam, as well. You wanna try one?"
The boy looked up at her with curiosity in his eyes before turning his focus back to the peach in front of him. After seemingly debating with himself in silence, the boy gave her a small nod in response.
"Alright, lemme go and rinse this off properly, then. Gotta make sure that it's safe to eat!"
Stepping away from the other, Martha went over to the nearby water pump that sat against the side of the house. Turning on the water, Martha quickly rinsed the peach off thoroughly as the boy watched her do so from where he stood. After turning the water off, Martha gave the fruit another small look-over before returning to the boy.
"Try it!" Martha said with a grin, offering the peach to him eagerly.
With a look of pure wonder, the boy's eyes remained shakily upon the peach in her hands, staring at its orange-reddish surface with curiosity. Carefully, he went to grab at the fruit with both hands, flinching back momentarily in surprise as he finally made contact with the fuzzy skin. After more hesitation, he finally grabbed the fruit and lifted it away from her hands, taking it within his own gently as he rubbed his thumbs against it, looking up toward Martha for more guidance.
"It's already rinsed off, so just…well, bite into it!"
Taking in her words, the boy turned back to face the peach before slowly bringing it upward to his lips, bracing himself before moving to bite down upon the surface of the fruit gently.
The second that the peach juices reached his tastebuds, his eyes shot upon in utter surprise at the sweet taste. He flinched back, taking a moment to examine the flavor a bit before moving to actually take a full chunk out of the peach entirely. The boy's eyes started to water, briefly alarming Martha before he went to take another bite out of the peach. Watching the boy eagerly work through the picked fruit, Martha found herself in a bit of awe as she realized why he was in his current state.
Had he never eaten a peach before? How had he never gotten the opportunity to even taste a peach before in his life?
Staring at the sight with a smile that soon grew a bit saddened as her thoughts progressed, Martha slowly stood up again once more, waving her hand a bit in front of the boy in order to grab his attention before gesturing him over toward the backdoor of the house.
"Let's eat more of those inside, alright? We haven't gotten the chance to hide the backyard yet from prying eyes, so let's make sure that no one can even accidentally see you out here." She said gently, taking some more peaches from the tree and placing them in a basket at her side before picking it up and bringing it along with her.
With a tearful nod, the boy began to follow after her, continuing to nibble away at the peach as he tried to force its taste into his memories forever, as if he'd never get the chance to taste one again.
Paper sketches, careful notes, quiet drawing.
With a leather book in front of him, he sketched away, sitting at his clean, wooden desk as quietly as he could. It was well into the night, but he didn't particularly care; it was the only time of day that he could properly see. It was the only time of day when he didn't have to worry about getting dragged out of his room in order to be a living prop and willing puppet.
Flowers. Leaves. Trees. Roots. Mushrooms. Anything he'd stumbled upon in the outside forest woodlands, he drew within the book by memory. He'd have to go back out there to get a better grasp on the finer details, but that wasn't a problem. He'd sneak away soon enough, and without getting caught, no less. He was only barely noticeable to others on a typical day anyways.
He loved nature. He loved learning about both flora and fauna, no matter where they came from. He was only able to examine the kinds that existed in the realm he was in now, but one day, hopefully, he'd be able to take some sort of trip down below, down to the other realms that he'd read so eagerly about in times past so that he'd be able to get the chance to examine the plants and animals that lived within them. He hoped to one day get the chance to draw them; to add to his collection of detailed sketches that he'd one day hand off to the knowledgable god that managed the library, so that he would hopefully publish it and have it sit proudly upon a shelf there.
Above all else, he wanted to try the various different edible plants and fruits that were in those realms and learn how they were in their entirety. How sweet they tasted, how refreshing they were, how energizing they seemed to be. How they tasted on a warm summer's evening, how they calmed the nerves and brought the promise of abundance. Though it was a selfish, yet utterly ridiculous wish, he also wished to one day own a garden, one where he could grow all these things freely, mixing Overworldian fruits and vegetables with Aetheren ones, introducing the plants of the Nether to common soil alongside the other Realms' flora. He wanted to watch them all interact with each other, working to produce the spoils of their efforts so that one day, maybe, he could make a giant feast that nobody else apart from him, his brother, and his brother's closest friend could partake in. How proud would his brother be, seeing how carefully he treated the Aether's creations? The Overworldian ones? He'd probably even be proud of him for managing to get the Nethren plants to live in such a different climate from the ones they're used to. How happy would they all be, sharing a meal together that he'd worked so hard to cultivate?
Despite the smile that had grown upon his face as he sketched, a small, pressing thought began to grow at the back of his mind, causing that smile to fall almost immediately.
He could fantasize about making such an ambitious garden all he wanted. If he even tried to grow one, however, it was more than likely that their father would burn it to the ground, classifying his attempts at growing these plants as nothing more than him growing weeds.
Briefly stopping the movements of his hand as he stared at the sketch before him, a heavy sigh escaped his lips as he suddenly found himself fighting off the threat of tears.
He couldn't make a garden. He couldn't grow anything. He was meant to do nothing apart from sitting still and making no noise. How much noise did a garden make? A lot, perhaps. How much of an eyesore would that garden be to the entirety of the palace? A big one, if he had to guess.
Those plants didn't have a chance if they were to grow under his care. He ruined everything he touched; they'd be no different. They'd be bitter and inedible; nothing that anybody could enjoy.
With a more dampened expression, he let out a small sigh as he slowly moved to close the sketchbook beneath him, setting his drawing materials more off to the side.
He was finished for the day.
The baby boy has a natural preference for creatures and nature, go figure lol
I'd imagine that before everything that would eventually happen to him happened, he'd enjoy learning about these sorts of things, but not entirely under the premise of simply wanting more knowledge or wanting to partake in a simple hobby. Perhaps his love of nature stems from his desire to figure out what his purpose in life is?
Or maybe he just finds flowers and stuff really pretty and enjoys the texture of all these different plants lol idk
