Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.
Silence. His eternal companion. Every day it became more unbearable. He hated that bastard. However, it had accompanied him throughout his life.
He would break it when it became painful. Half the time, he was looking for someone to talk to. The other half, he simply used his headphones. Music helped him to escape from that sad feeling.
For Derek, silence meant loneliness. Silence was the only thing he heard after the shot that took away his father's life. Absolute silence in his home. Silence interrupted by his mother's crying.
At Carl Bufford's cabin. Look up to the sky. Blows. Tears. Disgust. Silence.
Derek felt perfectly fine at that moment. Despite the silence. His dark eyes admired her face on his pillow. She looked like an angel.
He gently brushed some blonde locks away from her face. He ran his fingertips across her forehead to her nose and finally ended up on her cheek. He was still fascinated by the way his dark skin contrasted with her pale one.
She didn't look like an angel. She was. Penelope was a divine gift from God. A compensation for all his childish tears.
But he failed to appreciate her. Derek was the opposite of his angel.
She was light, he was darkness. She was sweet, he was more bitter every day. She dreamed of fairies. He fought the monsters of his nightmares. She believed in love. He believed in sex.
She gave her whole soul to him. He never deserved it.
The angel's duty was to rescue that lost man. But he had darkness in his blood.
He broke her wings and put out her glorious light.
He ripped her heart out of her chest with his bare hands. Derek ended up hurting the one person he swore to protect. Because he couldn't protect Penelope from himself.
And now there he was, watching her sleep. Derek closed his eyes and breathed in sharply. How could he have been so blind?
It wasn't the unbridled sex of those nights that had him hooked on her. It wasn't sexual venom coursing through his veins. It was just... Her.
Being close to her. That connection where no words were needed. With her, he didn't have to pretend that nothing hurt. Penelope knew he was no superhero. He was just an ordinary man. A man who sometimes collapsed before her eyes and only needed a hug to be himself again.
He didn't know if that was love or if it was something much bigger. She always said the two of them were soul mates. He was beginning to think it was true.
"Penelope, time to wake up"
She stretched out like a cat in his arms. Then she made a disapproving noise and turned away. Derek chuckled. She would still be feeling the hangover.
"I'd like to stay in bed all day, too. But in three hours I have to pick up Savannah at the airport and I'd like to talk to you calmly."
She breathed in slowly and rolled onto her back.
"I see you blurry but good morning, hotstuff."
Penelope moved closer to him and left a light kiss on his smiling lips. His hand reached into her hair to stroke the nape of her neck. She kissed him again although this time in a hotter way.
Derek tensed up under her body. She frowned and sat up, remaining in a sitting position. He rubbed his eyes. It was only a couple of drinks but apparently it had taken its toll on his body. Of course, he was no longer in his twenties.
"Where are my glasses?"
He jumped out of bed to reach for her red backpack.
"We came straight from Rossi's house. You didn't bring your glasses but you have that pair of contact lenses there."
Penelope threw her head back. Fantastic. Just what she needed.
"Here you go" he said, placing the little contact lens box on the palm of her hand "Fix your eyesight while I make breakfast. Do you want salty or sweet?"
She looked at him with a devilish smile. Even though she only glimpsed a huge blurry lump.
"If you serve me that on your naked body, I don't care what it tastes like."
Penelope couldn't see him clearly but she knew he was laughing at her comment.
"And this place? Is it your new property?"
Derek watched her for a few seconds as he took one last bite of pancake. She smiled at him from across the table of his new home kitchen.
He had decided that Savannah would live with Hank in what had always been his home. Their son was the most important thing for them and they both wanted the child not to suffer from every change.
"I live here now."
Penelope swallowed the piece of strawberry in her mouth and frowned.
"Do you live alone?"
Derek rested his face in his hand and dropped the news like a bombshell. The sooner he cleared the air, the better.
"I got divorced. We signed the papers last month." Derek gulped down his hot coffee. "So, I live here now. Alone."
She looked at him unblinkingly and with her eyebrows raised. He smiled weakly at her. She never had any idea what to say at times like that.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"
Penelope kept quiet. Her gaze lost its sparkle and her smile was wiped off her face. She even grabbed the breakfast plate to set it down on the counter. It was clear that she had lost her hunger.
Derek watched her fill up a glass of cold water.
"It wasn't your fault, Penelope"
She said nothing. But when she turned around, Derek noticed her eyes were moist. And that had nothing to do with the contact lenses. She said nothing. But when she turned around, Derek noticed the wet eyes. And it had nothing to do with lentils.
"You wouldn't tell me either, would you?"
The blonde fixed her eyes on his face. Derek moved closer to her. He wanted to look her in the eye so she would believe him. But that was just a poor excuse. The truth is that he needed her closeness. He needed to have her within his reach.
He was still not satiated. Their little game hadn't been enough. Last night she was in no condition. Her skin was practically sweating alcohol from every pore. Of course he didn't lay a finger on her.
"Babygirl, it wasn't your fault. I-" He took a breath and let it out very slowly. "I was unfaithful. Twice. Last year."
Derek felt her expression change. She narrowed her honey-colored eyes and looked at him as if she were piercing his soul. He leaned back a little. There was no more sadness on her face. Just disbelief. Maybe even disgust.
He went to grab her hand but she pushed it away. Suspicion confirmed.
"Can you take me home, please?" Her voice seemed to tremble "I don't want to walk down the street dressed like a deranged woman."
Penelope walked away from him. He knew then that she couldn't even stand to have him around. But still, he was very stubborn.
He grabbed her arm, preventing her from leaving the kitchen. Her eyes were filled with tears again.
Derek felt like punching himself in the face.
Don't you get tired of hurting her?
Aren't you sick of being the one to blame for all her tears?
Let her go. You don't deserve her.
You're covered in shit.
You are not what she needs.
You are the perpetual shadow that puts out her light over and over again.
You are her life sentence.
Derek let go of her arm but couldn't even look her in the face.
"What are you doing, Morgan?"
Uh. Morgan. Things had gotten serious.
"I'm going to take you home. Just let me put on a T-shirt."
But he knew better. That damn woman knew him too well.
She stood in the middle of the kitchen door to block his way. Her right hand wandered through her hair in a clear sign of nervousness.
"Are you going to run away again?"
He frowned.
"Again?"
Penelope let out a humorless laugh. She folded her arms and took two steps toward the man in front of her.
"Years ago, in your office, you ran away. You said goodbye to me but your words betrayed your subconscious. Even your body language was doing a lousy job of disguising how you really felt."
Everything you and I Do together is magic. Since the minute we met.
But its ending and I'm scared. You make me feel super brave.
You make me feel safe.
You know you're partially the blame for me leaving. You got such a big heart I think it rubbed off on me.
"You woke me up because you wanted to talk"
Derek wanted to tell her so many things. But he couldn't find the words. He was not brave enough to look into her eyes. She could read his insides. He was sure of that.
There was nothing beautiful inside his soul at that moment. Only self-pity, shame and cowardice.
He really wanted to talk to her. Derek wanted to speak to her with his heart on his lips.
She had to know that he would never leave her again. No matter what. He was her best friend, her protector and her support. A promise to always be by her side.
But that little voice behind his neck kept whispering in his ear.
She seemed happy that night. She was radiant. Penelope had a smile like no one.
Until you came back. She no longer smiles No longer shines. She doesn't even seem to care about her new life anymore.
He had her laughing in the middle of the party. You have her crying in your kitchen.
You have not even been able to fulfill some vows of fidelity. Your word is no longer good. And she has realized that.
Derek closed his eyes tightly as if his consciousness was trapped in his eyelids. His breathing became agitated again. And so did his heart when he could smell her perfume at a short distance from him.
"Ever since I got back from Miami, I've felt like crap. I felt guilty about what I had done. I'm not like that"
He gripped the edge of the table, wishing he could disappear. Her eyes were still closed but he could feel her voice trembling near his ear. He knew that if he opened his eyes he would find her face drenched in tears.
"But I couldn't stop thinking about you. And I couldn't stop feeling like a fucking bitch. A whore who didn't deserve a man as wonderful as Luke."
Derek felt the lump in his throat grow by the second. Again that suffocating feeling. His temples hammering his brain from the inside. His demons whipping him around until he was dizzy.
"He was right. You only came back because you knew I was going to leave my whole fucking world for you."
Penelope slapped him on the arm and burst into tears. Apparently, she needed to throw up everything in her heart.
"But talk to me, damn it!" She screamed as she wiped her tears with her hands "Talk to me. Scream. Just do something."
Derek's cell phone started ringing. But he was still staring at the floor. He was really screwed. He couldn't help but feel that something was squeezing his heart.
"How could I have been so stupid? It was clear that you were not unfaithful for the first time." She laughed through her tears "You didn't even think twice about fucking me in that damn bathroom."
He looked up at her. How to tell him that those women meant nothing? ¿How could he talk if he couldn't even breathe normally?
Penelope plopped down on a white chair. He watched her silently, all his senses drowning his soul. With that Harley costume and her eyeliner painting her eyelids with dark shadow, she looked like a broken doll.
"When you left, I stopped believing in love. I built a wall around my heart. All these years I have managed to keep my love safe. I have not shed a single tear for any man."
She was no longer crying but the sadness was still present on her face. Derek didn't take his eyes off her. Every word was another dagger in his heart. His sister Sarah's voice echoed in his head.
It's not a good idea. You're going to disrupt that poor girl's life. And you still have a lot of things to heal.
"Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a extra bullet for their gun because they missed you the first time. I haven't even gotten to give you that second chance and you've already mortally wounded me."
That was the final blow. The explosion inside his soul.
He closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath. He always managed to soothe that feeling like that. But at the time, it was only getting worse.
A tear slid down his cheek. After that, three more. And then the torrent came. His enclosed sighs escaping through his mouth. His lungs releasing all his agony. His heart screaming through his tears and hammering loudly against his rib cage.
Too weak. Too wounded. Too much of a coward to open his eyes.
He blindly leaned his back against the refrigerator door and began to feel his legs shaking.
Derek was breaking down. He had been strong for too many years. Fighting against his monsters. They were powerful.
He could almost see himself in the darkness, sword in hand, cutting off the heads of all those beasts.
He was wounded. Wounded, dirty and tired.
"Derek"
He noticed her light as soon as she approached. Penelope knew there was no need to talk. It had happened a few more times. She hugged him and they both sat on the floor.
"I got you, baby." She whispered against his temple, settling his trembling body into her lap. "I'm here."
And again it was she who pulled him out of that darkness. He had to protect her. He was her hero. But that had always been the reality. Of the two friends, she was always the braver.
A/n:
Thank you all for your comments. I'm very happy to hear your feedback. And of course, I'm delighted that you're liking this story.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it seems like everything has been decided but nothing could be further from the truth. There is still a bit of drama left.
And I take this opportunity to say that anxiety is real. The depression is real. The feeling of not being able to go on is real.
Finally, remember that I am Spanish, so you may find some grammatical mistakes.
Thank you
