Erin stared at the invitation she'd received in the mail. "Kim Burgess and Adam Ruzek request the honor of your presence at their marriageā¦" it read. Erin wasn't sure what to think. She was thrilled for them, obviously; she'd counted them among her closest friends when she lived in Chicago. But the thought of returning to Chicago again made her scared.
Her last trip to Chicago, for Kelly Severide's wedding to Gabby Dawson, wasn't exactly among her favorite memories. She'd loved getting the opportunity to see everyone again, but it had been hard seeing how everyone had moved on with their lives. She had hoped that seeing everyone again, and actually being able to say goodbye, would help give her closure so that she could finally start her new life in New York, but it hadn't. If anything, it had showed her how much she'd missed out on. And now this wedding invitation served as a reminder of yet another thing she'd missed out on: Ruzek and Kim's relationship.
When she'd left Chicago, a little over five years ago now, the two had still been broken up. But at some point, after she left, they'd gotten back together. And now they were engaged. She'd known they were together; she'd seen them a year ago at Kelly's wedding, but she hadn't known how serious it was.
Erin knew that it was her own fault she'd missed out on so much. When she'd first moved to New York, Hank always tried to update her on how everyone in the unit was doing, but she had always changed the subject, not wanting to hear what he had to say because it was too hard. And, if she were honest with herself, she did it to punish herself for how she'd left without saying goodbye.
She looked at the date on the invitation. May 20th. That was just over a month away. She walked over to her kitchen counter, picked up her phone, and called the only person she wanted to talk to right now.
"You got the invitation?" Hank answered.
"Yeah," Erin responded, not surprised that Hank had immediately known why she was calling. She didn't call him as much as she probably should, mainly only calling on major dates, like Hank's birthday, the anniversary of Camille's death, the anniversary of Justin's death, and Father's Day.
At first it had been to keep IA off of Hank's back; she was afraid that if they found some new reason to investigate him and saw that she and Hank still talked frequently, it would cast even more suspicion on him; that was the same reason why they'd never visited each other. But even once more time passed and Erin knew the investigation into her was ancient history, she never increased the frequency with which she called the man who was like a father to her. It was just easier that way; talking to him reminded her too much of the life she'd left behind.
"Are you coming back for it?" Hank asked gently, not wanting to push. He knew how hard her last visit to Chicago had been on her; he didn't want to pressure her in to coming back if she didn't want to.
"Yeah, I think I am," Erin sighed. "I don't want to, but it will be nice to have an excuse to visit." Even now, Erin was concerned that visiting without a reason would draw unneeded attention to Hank and her relationship with him. She didn't want anyone discovering that he had gotten her the job in New York as a way for her to get out of the investigation. "Once I book my flight, I'll send you the info. That is if you don't mind picking me up at the airport again," she added, not wanting him to feel obligated.
"Are you kidding? Of course I'll pick you up," Hank replied. "It'll be good to see you again, Erin."
Erin smiled. "Thanks, Hank."
A month and a week later, Erin was once again walking out of O'Hare with Hank Voight at her side.
"I'm glad you could make it," Hank told her honestly. "Kim is, too. She's anxious to see you."
"I'm glad I could, too," Erin replied truthfully. "It will be great to see everyone again." That last part was only a half truth. To be honest, she was hoping to be able to avoid everyone but Hank as much as possible. Kim had texted Erin a few days ago, inviting Erin to her bachelorette party, but Erin had found an excuse to decline. She'd felt bad about it, but she knew that Hailey would be there, and she didn't want it to be awkward, and she really didn't want to spend more time than she had to around her old team. It was just too hard.
The two days before the wedding flew by as she and Hank caught up on each other's lives and fell into their old routines. Erin hadn't realized how much she'd missed him until now.
"Hank?" Erin asked. They had just pulled up outside the church
"Yeah?" he rasped.
"Thanks for letting me stay with you. It's been nice."
Hank looked over at her and smiled. "I've enjoyed having you back, Erin." His face turned serious then. "I know it wasn't easy starting over, but I'm proud of you. I want you to know that." He reached out and squeezed her hand.
"Come on, Hank. You're gonna make me cry," Erin teased, trying to lighten the mood.
Hank was walking Kim down the aisle, so Erin slipped into the pew where Trudy's husband, Mouch was already sitting. "Mind if I join you?" she asked.
Mouch smiled at the younger woman. "Not at all," he told her. "Trudy's going to be thrilled to see you."
Erin returned the smile. "I've been looking forward to it," she told him. "Hey, how are Kelly and Gabby?"
Mouch grinned. "Oh, they're doing great. Gabby's pregnant with their first kid."
"Oh really? That's so exciting! Boy or girl?" Erin was truly happy for them. Although she and Kelly had dated in the past, they'd been able to maintain a friendship after the broke up, and Erin had always had a soft spot for Antonio's younger sister.
"They don't know yet," Mouch told her. "They find out next month."
Before they could continue the conversation, the music began. Ruzek walked out of a door next to the platform, followed by Jay, Antonio, and Kevin. Erin was relieved that all of intelligence was in the wedding party; it made for less awkward conversations for her.
Soon Kim's sister Nicole, Hailey, and Trudy made their way down the aisle, and then it was time for the bride's entrance.
As Erin stood there, watching Kim make her way down the aisle on Hank's arm, she fought back the tears that threatened to fall. If things had turned out differently five years ago, if they hadn't caught that case with the pedophile and Erin hadn't brutalized him to find out the location of a child, that likely would have been her walking down the aisle on Hank's arm. She wondered if she'd ever find love again. Jay had obviously found it with Hailey, so why couldn't she seem to move on?
At the reception, Erin was seated at a table with some of Kim's friends while all of Intelligence, including Voight was seated together at the head table, along with Platt and Mouch.
Erin knew that it wasn't intentional, but it made her feel incredibly alone, and it hit her just how much things had changed. Five years ago, she would have been up there with the rest of the team. Now she was an outsider.
Erin stood up and excused herself to go to the restroom, but instead walked out of the reception hall, already ordering an Uber. She would stop by Hank's house to get her stuff and to leave him a note to apologize for leaving without saying goodbye but would then head to the airport. It was clear to her that she no longer had a place here in Chicago, but she still didn't feel like she had a place in New York, either.
