Chapter 5: Omurice without ketchup
"Does this mean we're dating now?" I held Sasuke in my lap, putting my chin on his shoulder. I had never realized that he was skinnier than he looked. He felt delicate in my arms. "I haven't given my answer yet," he said. I tightened my arms around his waist, "Will you go out with me, please?". I parted my lips on the side of the his neck, tenderly sucking. I intended to leave a hickey on his porcelain skin, marking he was mine. He titled his head to make more space for me, so I supposed he liked it too.
"You won't be that much eager to date me once you know everything about me." There was heaviness in his voice. It worried me.
"Won't it be my decision?" I ran my fingers through his silky black hair. He leaned to my hand. At this moment, he seemed to be vulnerable, unlike his usual aloof self.
"Trust me, you definitely won't want to date me anymore. I know you're too kind to dump me right away but I don't want your pity."
"What kind of awful secret are you keeping?" I raised an eyebrow, "You aren't a murderer, are you?" I tried to make a joke to lift up the atmosphere around us.
"What if I am?" He said calmly, not amused by my attempt.
"I'm sure it was self defense." I squeezed him a little bit. "You don't like people in general but you don't have enough energy or time to do anything about them."
"What if I'm a child molester?"
"You enjoyed my kisses too much to be a pedophile." I gave him another chaste kiss on his neck. Seeing a hickey there put a smile on my face. He was as enthusiastic as me in our make out session. I saw a bulge in his pants. It took all my will power not to caress it and just take him right there.
"What if… I'm not… human?" I heard a quiver in his voice.
"So are you saying you study not to be an astronaut but to go back home?" I buried my face in his neck, sniffing his scent.
"Will you go back with me?" He gently stroke my arm.
"Promise you won't let your fellow aliens cut me into pieces for science purposes."
He laughed. But it sounded restless and tense. "Whatever your secret is, I hope you'll soon trust me enough to tell me. You keep saying that it will affect my feelings for you, but I highly doubt that." I kissed him on his cheek to confirm what I meant.
"It's not that simple." He shook his head. "You shouldn't be with me."
I turned him around to face me, catching a faint sadness cast a shadow over his eyes. "If we have feelings for each other, we should simply be together, no matter what. Love should be simple. It is simple. Stop making it complicated." I said sternly, tracing fingers along his sharp jaw line.
"Be careful what you wish for."
"Whatever your secret is, I hope you'll soon trust me enough to tell me. I'll wait for you. I'll wait for us to happen. I know you're a genius but stop — trying — to — decide — what — my — feelings — are — for — me." I looked straight into his eyes when I spelled out every word. I could see the liquid of his eyes moving as his lips were trembling. I dove in another kiss to sweep away his uneasiness. Whatever burden he was carrying, I hope he would let me share it with him.
For almost two months, we continued to be in an unofficial, unnamed relationship with moderate physical contact. We hugged and kissed, having dates without calling it a date. We got closer like we used to be. We did movie marathon together. Watching movies with Sasuke was both a bliss and a curse. He would point out every science fact the writers got wrong, every plot holes. It was informative and annoying. He also spoiled the endings of a lot mystery & crime movies then blamed the movie makers for not making it smart enough. Although my work and school schedule didn't match his, sometimes he came by my house in the middle of the night to meet me for 5 minutes. And if we smooched, I would need to spend another 10 minutes in the bathroom. Kissing him brought me to my knees. He always did it like he meant it, like it was our last kiss. These days, I was riding an emotional rollercoaster; I was living my ultimate dream and eternal hell. When the reality hit me, the fact that we weren't a couple, we were more like… kiss-buddies, I felt down. No matter how thin my patience was getting, I didn't want to put pressure on him. Since he was a kid, Sasuke was always an independent and very private person. If he wanted to tell you something, he would. If he didn't want to, he would never tell. Every time I felt I had opened one door of his, there would be some more layers. He was my onion, made me cry, also tasted delicious and good for me.
Every time he was around, he was the only one I saw. I didn't mind his annoying habit when we watched movies as much as before, I was busy watching him: how he squinted his eyes at scientifically wrong details, how he comfortably put his head on my shoulder, how he only picked brown M&M to eat. It was told to be the rarest color of M&M, around 13.48%. He sure had a thing for numbers. And if Sasuke wasn't around, my mind was filled with him.
"Naru-chan, what are you dreaming of?" Mr. Jiraiya asked when stepping inside his desert store, wearing a lousy silky pink shirt, with dark purple blazer and a light washed blue jeans. "You're my beloved nephew but you're also my employee. Keep your eyes on your job!"
"Oh, hi uncle!" I came back from my fantasy land. "I'm sorry I zoned out for a moment."
"Hmm, new girlfriend?" He sat down on a chair, putting his feet on the table, comfortably.
"What? No!" My ears felt hot. Just one look and he saw through me.
"You're oozing out love. I write about love, I know." He winked at me. "Lay it on me. I need materials for new novel."
"You want to hear about your nephew's sex life? Ewwww." I stuck out my tongue in disgust. My relationship with my uncle was good. I could talk to him like a wise old friend.
"It's LOVE, my dear, the pure form of love."
"I don't even have a sex life to talk about." I sighed. "In love, yes. Sex life, no."
"What a devastating life you're living!" He shook his head in disbelief. "My poor nephew! Unrequited love?"
"Kind of, I think. We're more than friends but not lovers." I let out a heavier sigh. "I don't know how long I have to wait."
"Oh my, that is the worst stage in love, isn't it. You know, you're not in a commitment yet, if you want some…" He blinked at me knowingly.
"No, uncle, no! I want to have sex but it isn't my first priority —"
"It's your second priority?"
"I'm trying to be serious here." I pouted.
"Well, you know the song, You can't hurry love. I'm romantic, I believe people love each other will eventually end up together. Try your best, love to the fullest, but still you need a deadline. If you did everything, but you two couldn't be together, maybe you aren't meant to be." He rubbed his messy hair. "And one last thing, the key is communication."
My photo won a second prize at a photo contest for students. He was the first one I wanted to share with. Sasuke didn't seemed to be interested in my photo, although he sounded happy when I told him the good news and my celebration plan. I guessed because it was a portrait of Hinata. He looked at the photo then simply said it was nice with a straight face. My class ended early today so I came and waited for him at his college. We bought strawberry short cake and made omurice for dinner at my place. Sasuke liked tomato but hated ketchup. "I don't want that 44.4% tomato, and it's too sweet for me," he explained himself, "if I eat, it must be 100% tomato, mildly sweet." So I had omurice and he had steamed rice with omelette.
We ate together then snuggled under my single size blanket. It was pretty cozy. "I'll never got tired of kissing you," I caressed his cheek as he was laying on my chest.
"Isn't it a premature conclusion? Do you need to collect more data?", he licked my upper lip playfully.
"I had the same feeling when I first ate a cup of ramen. It stays true until now." I winked at him.
He snorted, "So my kisses are high sodium and unhealthy?".
"I must say they're very addictive." I had to admit that making out with Sasuke felt wonderful, extremely arousing. "How are my kisses?"
"Hmmmm, mildly sweet." He leaned in and pressed a kiss on my lips. I gently bit his slightly swollen under lip, running my fingers along his lower back. "Be with me, Sasuke" I whispered, squeezing his butt. "I'm with you, right now" he giggled. "Be mine, only mine" I murmured in his ear, pulling our bodies closer. Our groins almost touched made Sasuke jump out of his skin and pushed me away.
"What's wrong?" I propped up on my elbow to look at his face. His mood seemed to change drastically. He turned his back to me.
"You said you would wait." His mumbling words were hardly audible.
"I did, but…" I hesitated. "Why don't we just date already?"
"What was it like, dating girls?" He asked. He abruptly changed the subject. Why were we talking about girls now?
"I don't have much experience. Hinata is, hmm, bolder than her shy appearance. One day, she confessed to me out of the blue. She was sincere and I didn't want to make her cry so I thought I gave it a try. We went on dates and did normal things as a normal couple. It wasn't anything serious. We were just teenagers."
"How was her kiss?"
"You really want to know that?" Would it make him jealous?
He said yes but looked away so I couldn't see his expression.
"It was… nice." I picked my words carefully. I didn't want to hurt any of them. "But it was the past. We shouldn't think about it any longer."
"Would it be better if you stay with her? Have a normally happy relationship. All passionate love fades away. You just need to be good friends to stay together for the rest of your life."
"I get your point. But it wasn't fair to her, being with someone who didn't make her his first priority. And I want to be with you."
"What if we can never be together?"
"What if we can? Will you let me?" I caressed his shoulder.
"It's better if you don't get involved with someone like me. I want you to be happy."
"I hate when people saying that, you know. If you wish me happiness, just make me happy. Be with me. Are you trying to do anything or you're just talking." Why was I getting upset?
"I'm trying, usuratonkachi" he got up and yelled at me. "You don't know what I've been through."
"You don't even tell me what you've been through. How can I know? I don't understand your logic. You let me kiss you, you kiss me, then you tell me over and over that we can't be together. Why don't you reject me already? Tell me what should I do? What do you want me to do? Are you playing with me? If we really can't be together, just give me a clear reason. Then I will give you up, satisfy?" I totally lost my temper in a blink. His pessimism about me, about us infuriated me. This was going nowhere.
"I'm leaving." Sasuke snapped. "What the hell happened to I'll wait for us?" His snarky words were spat through clenched teeth. He snatched his coat from the hanger then headed for the front door in a huff.
