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Chapter 4
It was something her mom had taught her to do just before she'd left for Indiana. Jo couldn't remember what it was called or if she was even doing it right, but it was supposed to help with the panic. Anything to get her heart to stop hammering.
She was well on the way to regaining her breath, thanks to the tight hug she'd been wrapped in for the past several minutes. That was something she could feel–Eddie's arms, one just below her shoulders, the other right above her waist. And the softness of his t-shirt against her hands, his chest rising and falling as he breathed, his chin resting on the top of her head. Onto things she could hear: She heard the air conditioning humming overhead. The distant shuffle of the last stragglers speeding down the hallway outside. The wind blowing a few leaves across the concrete outside. Eddie's heartbeat, only in one ear, but she kept returning to it…
What came next? She'd forgotten, but though her heart still pounded, its frantic rhythm started to slow. She smelled summer air and cigarette smoke, the leather of Eddie's jacket–smell was in there somewhere, but she didn't remember how it fit in, or how she was supposed to–
"You okay?"
Heat loomed behind Jo's eyes. She shoved it down. Cry, and you make it worse. Don't make it worse.
"Jo?"
Her breath shuddered as she drew it in. "A little better."
"Step in the right direction."
She still trembled, but not as violently. "Don't you dare let go."
He pulled her closer. "Wasn't planning on it anytime soon… unless you told me to, of course. Which you didn't."
That earned him a faint chuckle. Eddie patted her back.
"Yeah, uh. My old man was a… a gem, too."
Jo pulled back just far enough to look up at him, her brow creased. "Was?"
"Is, was. Is? Don't know. Don't really care to, either. Got locked up when I was eight. Don't remember it too well–I blocked big chunks of it–but he was in with some bad stuff. Killed somebody."
Jo's mouth fell open. "Shit, Eddie."
"Mmmhm. He only ever paid little Eddie any attention if he needed something from me, or if he thought I screwed up somehow." He scoffed. "Still got some of those scars. All that to say… I get it, Jo. I get it, 'cause I've been there. It's… hell, there aren't words for it."
"Scary." She could barely get the word out as she stared at the floor.
"Bet you're scared all the damn time, huh?" He brushed the hair that had fallen out of Jo's bun and into her face behind her ear. Chills flew down her spine at his touch. "I know I was."
"How'd you…" The heat was rising to her eyes again. She fought to keep her voice even. "How'd you get out?"
Eddie smiled. "I had somebody fighting like hell for me. And it worked out, 'cause I've lived with him ever since. My uncle. He's a good guy."
She didn't have anyone like–
"You've got your mom, it sounds like, even though she's stuck in New York."
He had a point there.
"She did say she wanted to try to get me back with her, but that's–"
"A big legal mess? Yeah, I remember some of that. Wait, how old are you?"
"I'm eighteen next week."
"That changes a lot, then. So, theoretically, as soon as next week rolls around, you could get the hell out of here."
"And go where, Eddie? I can't go back to New York just yet; there's no way in hell Mom could support me right now, not even for however long it would take me to get on my feet. I've never worked. Dad won't let me. So I have nothing. And besides." Her voice shrank. "He'd come after me. So… until I graduate, I'm stuck. Maybe… maybe even after."
"I doubt your mom would let that happen."
"She'd try not to. But she got turned out with nothing, Eddie. She's having to rebuild from scratch. She's shacked up with a friend until she can get back on her feet. She said something about trying to go back to school, but she's got no idea what she'd wanna do, and then she's gotta come up with the money to do it. That's gonna take a while."
Eddie sighed. "Shit."
"Yeah." Jo lowered her head back onto Eddie's shoulder. "Shit is right."
"He's, uh…" Eddie clearly wrestled with the words as he drew her back to him. His grip tightened before he spoke: "He's never tried to hurt you, has he? Like, physically?"
Jo shook her head.
"He ever hurt your mom?"
"She said he never did, but I'm not deaf, or blind. Grew up hearing the fights, seeing the bruises. She always said she fell or something. Maybe he hasn't done anything to me yet, but…"
"But what?"
It was like someone had clamped her mouth shut. Everything inside went blank. Her body started to shake again.
"Hey, shhh." He rubbed her back. "Sorry. Didn't mean to upset you."
She fought to get the words out. "Not your fault." A few tears slipped down her cheeks before she forced them back again.
"You've got me too, Jo. I'm serious."
She was crying now, but silently. She'd better not soak his shirt through.
"Look at me."
She wiped at her eyes with the back of her arm as she stepped back and hoped the darker room would hide the redness that puffed up her face. Tears still swam in her eyes–she could barely see through them–but she refused to let them fall.
If only she could disappear.
"If you ever need my help–and I know the road you're getting ready to walk, so you're gonna–you've got it. No ifs, ands, or buts. Whatever you need. Just know I'm here."
The words wobbled as they came out: "You barely know me, Eddie."
"Still your friend though, aren't I? Least, I'd like to think I am. I'll leave that one up to you."
She nodded, then started to smile.
"So you are my friend, then?"
Jo laughed. "Yes."
"Hopefully a member of the party soon, right?"
"God, I hope so."
"See, me and the guys–Greg, Gareth, and Mark are their names, and yes, I told them about you, and yes, they do wanna meet you–see, we've got this thing. A pact, if you will. Say somebody's facing down a demon, in the game, in real life, it doesn't matter. If one of us is staring something big and scary in the face, we all jump in and do what we can to help. Seeing as you are my friend, officially now–" he smiled when Jo laughed "–you're in on that deal, too. 'Cause guess what, Walker? That's what friends do. Get the feeling you've not had a lot of those."
Jo shrugged. "They'd be around until they started to figure out what was going on. Then they'd suddenly… not wanna be around me. Guess it was too much." She added under her breath, "Or I was too much…"
"Or your dad got wind, and he ran them off and blamed you."
She'd toyed with that idea, but she'd never be sure which was really true. "Maybe."
"But you know, he's gonna have to pull something pretty big to fully run me off."
Jo blinked at him.
"I'm not going anywhere. Promise."
Her mouth hung open a little. "R-Really?"
"Cross my heart and hope to die, Walker."
A smile trembled across Jo's lips. The tears that escaped her eyes hardly had time to hit her skin before Eddie wiped them away.
"C'mere."
She leaned back into him without hesitation, quietly weeping. But something else rose inside of her, cool and comforting, like water on a burn: relief. A tiny part of her screamed not to believe him, that it was too good to be true.
Even if it is true, you don't deserve it.
But here he was, knowing about the biggest, scariest skeleton in her closet, staring it in the eye, and refusing to back down from it. Just realizing that she wasn't alone in Hawkins anymore–part of her wanted to pinch herself, but…
"You've gotta be careful, Eddie."
"I will be."
Jo pulled back enough to look him in the eye. "Don't underestimate him."
His arms tightened around her as he let out a big breath. "I won't."
"'Cause it's not a matter of if he finds out, Eddie. It's when. And he already doesn't like you. 'Cause he…" She paused, and surprised herself with a small chuckle. "I think he knows he can't control you."
"Damn right he can't."
His hand found the back of her neck as he lowered her head back to his shoulder. It was easy to lean into him, to rest…
"And I think you're both about to find out he can't control you, either."
