I honestly try not to leave a/n, but somehow there's always something I feel the need to address. A reviewer pointedly asked me to, "after 17 years, stop bashing Ziva already." Well, hon, if ever there were a character that deserved it…Over the years the show runners sacrificed just about every character to the gods of bad writing, retconning, and ratings. Ziva suffered the worst of this. I write what I saw from her through the years - arrogance, pride, deceit, poor judgement, and an almost constant betrayal of her team for her own ends. Dropping her already injured, supposedly dearest lover/partner to the pavement and pulling a loaded gun on him while screaming how much she wished him dead just doesn't do anything to convince me of her perfect loyal teammate and agent status.
Not betaed. Edited, but I'm sure there are still some errors I missed.
Arriving unexpectedly the next morning, Tony had hoped to find an empty bullpen, but as usual, Gibbs had found an excuse to be at his desk, regardless of mandatory downtime. He ignored the man, still greatly unsettled by the hinky chain of events that happened in such a short time, and unable and unwilling to get into a shouting match with the team lead first thing. He was on a mission, just like Officer David, except he knew what his mission was. As to hers, God only knew…and probably her father. He jumped back into the lift before Gibbs could snag him, and punched the button for the next floor. He knew damned well that the older man would just take the staircase and meet him at the director's office, spoiling for a confrontation.
He managed to hurry to Cynthia's office just as he heard the stairway door slam open, and ducked into the Director's sanctum without waiting to be invited. ' Needs must' as Ducky would say. He quickly locked the door behind him, causing Shepard's eyebrows to rise.
"Agent DiNozzo! What an unexpected surprise!" Shepard gritted out, trying but failing to sound at least somewhat polite.
"Sorry, Director. Gibbs is right behind me and…"
Instead of finding any sympathy for the younger man, her irritation bubbled to the surface. Who the hell did he think he was, pissing off his boss and then running to her for safety?
"Agent DiNozzo, I demand you tell me what the hell is going on!"
The door handle rattled ominously, and in spite of Tony's normally unshakeable stoicism in the face of danger, his nerves were shot, and so he flinched. That just pissed him off, and he gathered his wits and found his professional agent mode.
"Director, I'm here to tender my resignation, as of this morning."
"You can't be serious! What the hell is…"
She caught herself, heard the slight shriek in her voice, and did exactly what she'd just seen the agent standing before her do - adjust her posture and attitude and find her professional side. Clicking on the intercom, she heralded her assistant, knowing the woman was waiting for some backup.
"Cynthia, please inform Agent Gibbs that he'll wait politely and patiently to see me, or I'll sic security on his…butt."
She knew that he had to have heard her message, and also knew he would know she wasn't blowing smoke. She had a federal agency to run, and she wasn't going to take crap even from LJ Gibbs.
Settling back into her chair, she motioned Tony to take a seat
"May I ask what brought this on?"
"Actually, several things, Director. Which I don't choose to delve into just now. Let's just say that things have changed too much since…since Kate left."
"You're finding Ziva difficult to work with. I understand that, Agent DiNozzo, but you've barely given her a chance. I think if you are a bit more patient -"
Tony felt his ire at the situation, at not being able to explain himself, at feeling everything had gone to shit since Ziva's half brother had shown up to terrorize them, spiralling out of control again, and had to fight down the decibel of his voice.
"Director, no. It's not going to work, for a multitude of reasons. Not the least of which she has zero training as a crime scene investigator. I came here in person to give you my resignation as a courtesy, and I'm hoping that you'll show me that same courtesy and respect my decision. I've given it a lot of consideration, and my mind is made up. If there's no open SFA position coming down the pike, I'll search elsewhere. But I can no longer work on the current MCRT. I'll work out my two weeks if you force me to, but honestly, I don't think that's in the best interests of any of us. Let me find another team here, or with another D.C agency. I'm not going to uproot myself because of what's happened to my old team."
She sighed, realizing that he was not only serious, but quietly boiling beneath the usually affable front.
"I'll approve it, but once I do, I'm not yanking a new SFA off Gibbs' team so you can have your old position back."
"Director, do you honestly think that Gibbs would let me come back onto his team after this? You heard him out there, he's out for blood. But before he fills your head with all the reasons I'm a crappy agent…you need to know that we already discussed this. And he gave me an ultimatum. To either work with Officer David or I was off the team. I've learned a lot from Gibbs, and I'll always appreciate him bringing me out of the hell that was Baltimore…but even he doesn't get to yank me around like that. I earned my spot on that team, I almost killed myself more than once trying to please an unpleasable boss. His solve rate went up by sixty percent after I joined his team. Now that all counts for squat because of Ziva."
He paused for a moment, debating his next words. They would probably seal his fate with the agency, but he needed her to know that he had solid reasons for his actions.
"I know what happened in that basement, Madame Director. And I'm quite sure that you do, too."
For her part, the Director plastered on a face so innocent that Tony almost laughed out loud.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Agent DiNozzo. For everyone's sake, I think it's best to let the past stay in the past. Ari's dead, and we can all move on now."
Tony's eyes almost looked like they were twinkling, but the Director couldn't spot one glimpse of mirth in the normally laughing green orbs. She could, however, see mocking and condescension, and it set her back in her chair.
"Sure, Director. I'm reading you loud and clear. And you know what, don't bother looking for anything inside the agency for me, I'm done here, and I'm pretty sure you know why."
"Agent DiNozzo.." she protested hotly.
"It's just Tony now. And Director…a word of advice…make sure that the next SFA is just as bent as the rest of you, or they won't last a day. I may seem easy-going, but contrary to what most everyone here thinks, I'm not stupid. This is going to come back and bite you all in the ass, most especially Gibbs, unfortunately. Whatever is really going on, beyond the whole basement shooting crapola - it started with Ziva, and I don't have the will to do battle with her, even for Gibbs. It's way above my comfort level. But you all just, you know, move on, and pretend like everything is totally normal…and I'll do the same."
"I certainly hope you're not expecting any decent job recommendation from me after this little display of disrespect."
"I don't need one, Madame Director. My record speaks for itself. And I've had offers from other agencies going on three years now. Your shabby opinion of me won't make much difference."
" Really…you actually believe I don't have the power to keep you from getting hired at a sister agency?"
He smiled at her palpable anger, a smile that belied the utter contempt he felt for her now. Standing ramrod straight, he directed everything he had in his "don't fuck with me" arsenal to her shocked face.
"And you actually believe that dumb Anthony DiNozzo doesn't know where some bodies are buried in this town? I'm owed markers just like you, Director, and I have absolutely no qualms about calling them in when I need them. Don't go up against me, Ms. Shepard. I may seem like a docile St. Bernard, but I have a wicked bite."
"You're threatening me, DiNozzo?"
"Not anymore than you're threatening to blacklist me at every law enforcement agency in the country. Try it and see what happens. I don't think you'll be happy with the outcome."
"I certainly see now why Gibbs gave you the boot. Your insubordination is beyond description. Your resignation is accepted immediately. Submit the paperwork to HR and clear out your desk. Security will escort you out."
He turned to leave, but not before giving her a sympathetic smile. Tony knew that she had to be tough to win the Directorship and keep it, but this wasn't the way to resolve thorny issues every time they crossed her desk. This should have been a learning curve for her, and instead she had turned it into a battle, one she wouldn't win, against an enemy that she summarily dismissed as no real danger. That was her first mistake. Taking sides with a Mossad Officer of unknown quality and even lesser known agenda was her second, and probably biggest error in judgement, one that would eventually cost her, and he hoped that it wouldn't be Gibbs or McGee who paid the price.
Unlocking the inner door, he expected to come face to face with his now ex-boss, but he was nowhere to be seen. Just as well, Tony mused, breathing a sigh of relief. He was even more exhausted than before after his impromptu meeting with the Director. He wasn't sure if he'd laugh hysterically or start throwing punches if Gibbs confronted him now.
Taking the stairs that led directly to the bullpen, Tony felt anger welling up inside of him. All of this because of Ari, and now Jenny Shepard had the cajones to put the very man's sister on their team? With no warning, no consultation, no reasons…the sister of the man who had killed Kate, who'd spattered her blood, and things he refused to contemplate, across his face. Somehow they all thought that was a good idea? He sat heavily into his desk chair, elbows on his knees, hands covering his face, the last few months crashing down on him. But even in his funk, he felt the presence of Gibbs standing in front of his desk.
" What?" he barked, not bothering to take his head out of his hands.
"So you actually went through with it."
Incredulousness finally did make Tony put his head up and look at his now ex-boss.
""Are you serious? What the hell, Gibbs? You put me in an untenable situation, then give me an ultimatum, and have the balls to ask me that?"
Gibbs actually had the grace to look chagrined, guilty even, and Tony's sharp eyes caught the fleeting emotions; the man was hiding shit from him, something the younger man never thought Gibbs would do. His anger welled up again, along with a despair that cascaded through his entire being, most notably across his face. As hard ass as the former Marine could be, it hurt to see. Tony had come to mean something to him, something more than a subordinate on his team. The kid had beaten incredible odds surviving the plague, had come back to work only to live through a bomb blast that could have killed his entire team - then lost a beloved teammate to Ari Haswari's madness. Barely given time to recover and grieve, they'd been shocked to have Mossad Officer Ziva David foisted on them, by a seemingly cold and uncaring Director. The young liaison was all prickles and stings, without an ounce of tact or thought to anyone's feelings. Worst, and most unforgivable, she was Haswari's sister. The cruelty of that fact wasn't lost even on the battle-hardened lead agent. He had a pretty good idea of how it must have continually stabbed at his more emotional SFA. The problem was, he couldn't fix the situation. Wouldn't fix it, at least not now. And he was losing a fine agent and good friend because of it.
"What I said last night…I didn't come there to back you into a corner. I was hoping to smooth things over."
This time Tony actually did let out a bit of a hysterical laugh.
"Oh for the love of…" Tony stood up and started tossing belongings into a cardboard box, slamming desk and file drawers. "It's done, Gibbs, you all get what you want, I can't fight all three of you, and why the hell should I? You've all got an agenda, and I'm not gonna stick around to find out what the hell you're all up to. The Director seems to think she can blackball my ass all the way to the West Coast, which is not a good strategy to be using on me right now. There's no "smoothing over" of anything. I'm not some green probie you can intimidate and convince to see things your way, not for something this reckless."
He took a deep breath, and looked straight into the eyes of a man he once revered, his voice quiet and husky with emotion.
"I would have done anything for you at one time, Gibbs. I would have died for you… I gave you everything I had, and more. And for some reason, it's still not good enough. You choose a Mossad assassin over me. Ari's sister. What the hell has she got on you, Gibbs?"
The camel's back broke at the plaintive question, and the lead agent spun on his heel and stormed out of the bullpen, presumably back up to his co-conspirator's office. If that didn't prove to Tony that he'd just stomped on a big old nerve, nothing did. He looked over to see a security guard making his way off the elevator, and almost laughed to himself. As if he was stealing paper clips, or state secrets. Nah, that was more Ziva's m.o.
"Hey, Charlie, come to see me off, did you?" he smiled lightly, as if his world wasn't still crashing down on him, as if today was just another day
"I'm sorry, Agent DiNozzo. Orders from the director."
"Aht, not Agent anymore, at least not here. Just call me Tony. And it's okay, Charlie, it's not your fault. She's just really, really unhappy with me right now. Just so you're a witness, I'm locking my badge and weapon in my top drawer. Agent Gibbs can take care of them when he comes back, if you could let him know."
"Sure Agent Di…Tony. And let me say, it was a pleasure to see you every morning. You always took the time to talk to us. Didn't treat us like we were invisible like a lot of the agents do."
Tony slapped the man on the shoulder as the headed to the elevator.
"Every job is important, Charlie. You're our first line of defense against the crazies coming into the building. Body bags not withstanding."
"Thanks, Tony. That was pretty weird, wasn't it? Who would've thought?"
"Yeah. Who would've thought." Tony echoed, but his voice, and eyes, were distant. " as the car took them to the parking garage.
"Thanks for the escort, Charlie. Have a good afternoon."
He made his way to his car, and numbly unlocked the door, climbing in with a heavy-hearted sigh. If he had learned anything in his life, it was to keep moving forward. Past his father's insults, past the boarding school "hazings", past opposing teams trying to take him down to the stadium turf or court floorboards. Past the betrayal of people whom he'd trusted not to hurt him. This was going to be his toughest move forward yet. His body was still aching and twinging from his bout with the black death, his mind still kept him awake with nightmares of Kate's shocking murder, and now he'd lost his job. There wasn't a lot to work with, but he'd never been a quitter. Almost four years of working for LJ Gibbs had proven that.
He'd stop for some lunch on the way home and regroup. Then he'd go home and collapse for a week while he considered his options. Abby would be livid, and most likely blame him. Ducky would fuss and tut a bit, but in the end, give in to the wave that was Gibbs' cast-off agents. McGee would probably be thrilled, at least at first. He'd never been Tony's biggest fan, seeing the hazing to toughen him up as bullying. Sometimes it was. Sometimes Tony just couldn't get past the fact that someone as green and queasy as McGee continually lorded his ivy league degrees over him, as if they were all he needed to be a top notch special NCIS agent on a premier team. Tony's years as a street cop and detective, plus his three plus years as Gibbs' second held no significance in Agent McGee's mind. It soon would, Tony was sure of it. Let the kid figure it out the hard way.
Pulling out of the parking garage, he didn't look back. He couldn't; it would have set him too far back in his struggles to move forward, and he wasn't about to sacrifice his self-worth or sanity on the altar of the "I don't give a fuck what you need" god's. Been there, done that - had the physical and emotional scars to prove it. Whatever nefarious crap was going on between Gibbs and the Director and Officer David, he wanted no part of. And if uber- genius Tim McGee allowed himself to be sucked into the toilet along with them, well, so be it. All the high-end degrees in the universe couldn't instill common sense into their student. He was on his own.
Just like Tony was now. Nothing new there, unfortunately. But now he was free to just be Tony DiNozzo for a while. No false cheer to lighten the mood, no putting himself in harm's way for people who would toss him under the bus. This was a new beginning, and he intended to learn all he could from the past few years and apply it to his future.
