Chapter 5
Once in her sister's bedroom, Mirabel pulled away, looking like a rabbit that had been spotted by a dog.
The shift in demeanor caught Isabela off guard but as she studied her little sister, she realized that Mira was expecting to be yelled at again, or at the very least, reprimanded. It was a perfectly understandable reaction. Abuela had gone from joyful and welcoming to harsh and cruel rather quickly.
Luisa noticed the change in Mirabel as well, and instead of just hugging Mira, she backed off a bit, letting her sister have her space.
"I-I never meant to hurt you," Mirabel started, earnestly. "And I know the two of you tried to defend me after I was gone, but... But-But I know I still..." She dropped her gaze and began fidgeting nervously with the hem of her ruana, muttering under her breath as she closed her eyes.
Isabela looked worriedly at Luisa as the two watched Mirabel for a moment or two before Isa finally stepped forward, putting a gentle hand on Mira's shoulder, startling her for a moment before her sister grabbed her in a tight hug, sobbing loudly.
"Shhh, it's okay, Mira. It's okay... You're okay," Isabela soothed, giving Luisa a surprised glance. "Why don't we sit down, alright? Come on."
Once the three sisters were seated in Isabela's lounge area, Isabela and Luisa waited until Mirabel finally stopped crying before Luisa asked, "Are you okay?"
Mirabel sniffled a bit, nodding as she looked a bit embarrassed. "Whe-When I first moved in with Tio Bruno... It-It was a bit awkward for a while. He was so unused to having someone there with him all the time. And one day when we were talking, I started... Well, you saw... the tremors, the nervous fidgeting... I couldn't look at him because I felt scared... When I started hyperventilating, he recognized it as an anxiety attack. They're not as common for me, but Tio Bruno had them often at first."
"What were you saying?" Luisa wanted to know. "Isa and I saw you mumbling something, but we couldn't make it out."
"'Fears and worries are like sand, let them fall away. Let them slip through my fingers as I tell myself 'I'm going to be okay'," Mirabel recited. "It's just something I made up for mild attacks. For stronger ones, Tio Bruno and I will slowly count together. The highest he's ever gotten is 43."
Raising an eyebrow, Luisa gave Mirabel an inquisitive look as she asked, "What about you?"
Mirabel was silent for a while and she couldn't meet her sisters' eyes as she quietly replied, "61. And more often than not, I end up following my attacks with extended crying sessions."
"I don't remember you ever sobbing like that before," Isabela noted, still looking concerned. "You used to just cry for a bit and then stop."
Taking a deep breath and nodding, Mirabel explained how Bruno had helped her with some of the bad habits and mindsets she'd started out with, crying being the biggest one. "I was afraid he'd kick me out if he heard me crying, so I tried to hold it in as much as possible. But one day I just broke down and sobbed and he just held me until I was okay again. He helped me to understand that it was okay to be sad or upset about things... even angry. When we talked about whatever was bothering me, he just let me work through my feelings."
This time, as Luisa looked at Isabela, they seemed almost envious as they thought about Mirabel's time away from the family. Sitting next to Mirabel, Isabela put an arm around her sister's shoulders, pulling her close. "I know how hard it was to stay away from the family... and this might not be what you want to hear, but... I think being in the walls all these years was good for you."
"It was," Mirabel agreed, straightening up. "And like I told Abuela, I saw how hard the past 5 years has been on the family, but... But all of you didn't see how hard it was for me after I didn't get my Gift. Everyone had their own lives and jobs, and I... I had nothing. I didn't have a place in the family and I never felt helpful..."
"We didn't let you be helpful," Luisa corrected, looking ashamed. "We never told you how important and special you were to us. Those questions you'd ask me when I was working and the little songs you'd make up? That lifted my spirits. It made the time go by faster and you helped me feel less alone."
"I would sit in the nursery after you were gone," Isabela told Mirabel. "I'd look through all the drawings you did of me with all kinds of flowers and cacti..." Her eyes lighting up, Isabela stood and pulled Mirabel to her feet, leading her to a small gallery area filled with a myriad of plants. While Mirabel looked puzzled at first, her eyes were drawn to small plaques set up by each plant. Upon closer examination, Mira's jaw dropped and her eyes widened as she saw that everything was designed after her own drawings.
"I'd sit here and think about how I wished I had been a better sister to you," Isabela confessed after a while. Pulling Mirabel into a hug, "I can't change the past... But maybe together we can change the future?"
When Luisa joined in on the hug, Mirabel couldn't help but smile, feeling relieved at how happy her sisters were with her return.
After Luisa left for a while to get her nightgown and other things from her own bedroom, Isabela gave Mirabel a sharp look. "I didn't want to bring this up around Luisa because she'd freak out," she began. "-But when you were telling Mama about how you felt before you left... That you wished you weren't here anymore...?"
Mirabel deeply wished she could lie to Isa and say that things hadn't been that bad, but another thing that Bruno had taught her over the past five years was being honest... especially with herself and her family. Taking a deep breath and trying not to focus on the desperate look in her sister's eyes, Mira nodded. "If you're asking if I ever thought about killing myself... the answer is 'yes'. I promise you, Isa... I never actually attempted it... but I did think about it sometimes. I thought the family would be better off without me."
After a few moments, the two sisters sat down once more, and Mira went on. "Tio Bruno didn't leave me alone the first few months. He was constantly watching me, making sure I wasn't going to... to hurt myself. He told me that he'd had the same feelings before, and he recognized that I felt the same... There was a lot talking during that time. I assumed he'd give me the line about how the church thinks of suicide as a sin, but he didn't. He said that people usually take their own lives when they've built up too much pain and turmoil, and he wanted to make sure that I knew that he was there for me."
"Just the idea that you ever thought about dying," Isabela murmured, sadly. "Mama was so afraid that you'd taken your own life, she couldn't sleep for days. She yelled at Abuela that if you were actually dead, she'd never forgive her and she'd leave the casita."
"I heard that fight," Mirabel confessed, quietly. "I wanted to go back, but... But I was afraid if I did it would just make things worse with Abuela."
"Sometimes I wish Mama had taken us away," Isabela admitted. Without warning, she began crying earnestly. She looked embarrassed for a moment, quickly wiping away the tears but when she saw an almost encouraging look on Mirabel's face, Isa gave into her emotions and allowed herself to keep crying.
Mirabel hugged Isa, watching as the room filled with purple hyacinth and Valeriana. "Just let it out," Mira coaxed her sister. "I promise, you'll feel better."
Hearing the bedroom door open, Isabela looked up to see Luisa coming back in and as soon as her middle sister got closer, she rushed her, hugging her and sobbing loudly, "I love you so much, Luisa! You're so amazing and I don't tell you that often enough. I need you to know how much I love you." Turning back to Mirabel, Isa used her vines to pull her little sister over and added, "What I missed the most, while you were gone? It was how you always reminded me of my inner beauty. You always tried to make me feel special no matter what dress I wore or how I looked. You saw the real me and you wanted me to see that, too."
"I told Mama that you didn't run away because you'd given up," Luisa told Mirabel, tears welling up in her own eyes. "You never gave up on a problem. You just needed some time to figure out how to fix things."
As the three sisters shared another hug, Mirabel thought to herself, 'If only fixing the whole family were this easy..."
x
It was 3 o'clock in the morning and Bruno couldn't sleep.
The hammock he was lying in was comfortable enough and the sounds of the river and waterfall were certainly soothing... but his insomnia had nothing to do with his sobrino's room and everything to do with the fact that Mirabel wasn't sleeping nearby.
The irony of the situation wasn't lost on Bruno as he lay awake, listening to the animals.
When Mirabel had joined him in the wall space, it had taken him almost 3 months to get used to having another person sleeping in the same room as him, as he'd been alone for the past 5 years.
But now, the absence of Mirabel's soft, even breathing and sleepy murmurs and sighs was keeping him awake.
He'd tried listening for Antonio breathing, but it just wasn't the same.
Climbing out of the hammock and sliding on his sandals, Bruno crept towards the door, wondering if Julieta still kept stores of the tonic she'd used to make for his more serious bouts of insomnia.
Stepping outside the room, he yelped, nearly tripping over Julieta and Pepa who had both been camped out in the hallway.
Both sisters came awake immediately, looking at Bruno with nearly identical frowns.
"I told you," Pepa hissed, aggravatedly, at Julieta, pointing at Bruno as she did so. "I knew Mama's attitude earlier would make him leave again!"
Julieta turned to her brother, a heartbroken expression clouding her features. "Bruno, please. I know Mama was being too hard on you and Mirabel before, but... But I just couldn't bear it if you disappeared a second time."
Looking puzzled for a moment, Bruno looked down at where his sisters had been sleeping and a look of dawning comprehension came upon him. The two women had camped outside of Antonio's room so there was no way he could leave the casita without alerting at least one of them. Putting both hands up in a calming, yet defensive gesture, he shook his head. "What? No! No, no, no, I'm-I'm not... I-I just couldn't sleep." Giving Julieta a hopeful look, he asked, "You don't still have some of that tonic you used to make for me, do you?"
Looking relieved, Julieta nodded, silently, before heading downstairs and towards the kitchen, leaving Pepa and Bruno alone. "How come you couldn't sleep?" Pepa wanted to know as she and Bruno sat on the floor.
"Antonio's room is nice and all," Bruno began, shrugging. "But-But it's just... And even with all the animal noises, it was just... too quiet. I got so used to sharing a room with Mirabel... I-I-I thought maybe the tonic would help, 'cause after everything that happened with Mama, I just needed to get some sleep, since I kept thinking about what she said... Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock... knock on wood," he stammered, knocking on his own head as he finished. Feeling about for the pouch of salt he usually carried, his eyes widened as he realized it was back inside the bedroom.
Afraid of Antonio seeing him have another anxiety attack, Bruno quickly did his 'knock on wood' routine a second time, knocking on his head even harder in the hopes that it would jolt him out of the building anxiety attack.
Pepa put a hand on her brother's back as he began hyperventilating. "It's okay, Bruno. It's okay. What can I do to help?" Rubbing in a circle on Bruno's back, she tried calmly talking which seemed to have no effect.
When Julieta returned, Pepa quickly looked from her sister to her brother. "He's having an OCD related anxiety attack," she warned as Bruno began scratching at his left forearm.
"Ai Dios," Julieta breathed, swearing quietly. "Did you try rubbing his back?"
"It's not working!" Pepa snapped, a storm cloud building rapidly above her head. "We should get Mirabel."
Looking up sharply, Julieta didn't understand why Pepa would suggest such a thing but remembering that her daughter had spent the past 5 years living with Bruno, it was possibly the best option to bring Bruno out of his current state as quickly as possible.
"Bruno, Pepa is going to go find Mirabel, alright? So, she can help you?" Julieta soothed, putting a hand on the back of her brother's neck and resting her forehead against the side of his head. Hearing Bruno's mumblings, she quickly looked up as she heard him counting to himself. "Bruno? Do you want me to count with you?" She offered, gently, motioning for Pepa to hold up a moment.
When Bruno nodded, starting his count over again, Julieta and Pepa joined in, the triplets huddled together until Bruno finally began to calm down.
Julieta got to her feet first, gathering up the blankets and pillows on the floor, while Pepa stood and supported Bruno, helping him into the bedroom, even as he muttered that he didn't want Antonio to see him and get scared.
"Casita?" Pepa said, looking at the house. "Don't suppose you can help us out with Bruno's sleeping situation?"
The door to Antonio's room swung closed as the area of the room that resembled a normal bedroom had expanded, and a king-sized bed materialized off to one side.
Although Bruno was a bit reluctant despite being exhausted, the encouraging looks from his sisters brought back comforting memories of when the three of them would sleep together after nightmares or repeated bouts of insomnia.
A dose of sleeping tonic and a few cookies leftover from dessert healed Bruno's arm where he'd been scratching, and he was nearly unconscious by the time his sisters had helped him into bed.
Pepa crawled in on one side, resting an arm across her brother's chest. Julieta slipped in on the other side, her hand taking Bruno's as she closed her eyes, falling into a comfortable slumber.
X
Waking as she heard someone call her name, Alma gave a start as she saw Pedro standing by the foot of her bed, his expression somber and somewhat disappointed.
"Pedro?" Alma whispered, wondering if she was dreaming. "What...?"
"What happened to you, Alma?" Pedro wanted to know as he watched his wife stand, grabbing her dressing gown and pulling it about her before joining him as he sat on the edge of the bed. "You used to be so happy... full of life... I barely recognize the woman you are today." Touching her cheek, he frowned. "Where did all this anger and pain come from?"
"It came from you!" Alma snapped, getting to her feet. "It came when you sacrificed your life by that river and left me to raise our three babies alone!"
Pedro stood as well, his handsome features clouded by pain and his own anger. "I gave my life to keep my family safe. My sacrifice was so that you and our children would live."
But Alma's emotions were ramping up and she pushed on. "What about my sacrifice, Pedro? I never wanted all this!" she gestured to the casita. "I didn't care about the house! I wanted a life with you!" Angry tears stung her eyes as she pushed Pedro away. "Why did you have to be the one to make a sacrifice?"
"Because love itself is a sacrifice," Pedro replied, sadly. "When you love someone, you give up everything you know to keep that person with you. And no matter how angry you are... no matter how much you may hate me for what I did... If I had the choice, I wouldn't change anything."
"I know you wouldn't," Alma sobbed as her husband pulled her into an embrace. "What I've done to my family... to Bruno and Mirabel... How can you show me tenderness after all the pain I've caused?"
Pedro kissed the top of Alma's head before pulling back a bit and lifting her chin so that her eyes met his. "Your pain led to anger and that anger caused more pain," he explained. "Why were you angry with Bruno and Mirabel?"
As Alma once again sat on the bed, she remembered the morning after Bruno disappeared. "I was afraid he was gone forever... I thought that he... I thought he was dead. That all the pain and darkness brought upon by his Gift drove him to ending his own life. My own son... I saw the pain he carried, and I did nothing to help him."
As she contemplated her behavior towards Mirabel, she went on. "It's my fault that Mirabel didn't get a Gift."
Tilting his head slightly as he considered the confession, Pedro asked, "You didn't want her to have a Gift?"
It was the truth that Alma had denied for years and one of the things she was most ashamed of. "I didn't want her to be special... because being special only leads to a painful life." Standing and walking over to their wedding candle, she touched it lightly as she continued. "You thought I was special, and when I needed you most, you were taken from me. Our children and grandchildren were given extraordinary Gifts... and with time, each one became a curse... Mirabel wanted a Gift so much that she never considered that there would be a cost."
"You didn't want Mirabel to be special," Pedro realized as he moved to join Alma. "-because you felt that being ordinary would be a greater blessing."
"I wanted to spare her the pain of constant expectations," Alma nodded. "But even without a Gift, she still tried to help the family. She's the best of all of us and I couldn't accept that."
The two stood in silence for a long time and when Pedro spoke again, his voice seemed to be growing faint. "What will you do with what you've come to understand?" he asked Alma, holding her close one last time. "Will you heal what has been broken? Or will you watch everything fall apart?"
Alma closed her eyes as she began to feel her husband's touch begin to fade. When she opened her eyes again, she looked out the window, feeling even more lost and alone than before.
And yet... she wasn't alone. Her family was still here, despite everything she'd done.
Emotionally and spiritually, she might be lost but as she looked down at the candle, Alma gave the flickering flame a sad smile. Pedro had helped to guide her from her old village to a new home. She only felt lost now because she'd slowly cut herself off from the rest of her family.
Stepping away from the candle and setting her dressing gown aside, Alma returned to bed, eager to let sleep do its own healing on her heart and soul.
X
