This one was hard to write. I hope you like it. Thanks for all the kind reviews and for sticking with me.

Most of the characters belong to E. L. James


"Christian woke up in his new room, he was already installed upstairs. He followed his toxic routine of the last three days. Look at his phone, check for any sign of Ana, call her, no answer, eat, take half a pill and go back to sleep. He would wake up again, eat whatever they had left him on the night table, check his phone, call her, take half a pill and go back to sleep. He was not keeping count, but he had been taking two full pills daily for the last three days, not because he needed them.

Jessica was suspecting something was going on, Christian had not left the room nor even to play with Violet. He was sleeping too much, she thought if she should say something to him, but they were already walking on thin ice. The morning after they decided to get a divorce Christian didn't talk much to her, he seemed distracted and not paying attention to anything. She thought it was better to leave him alone. She knew he had a lot on his head and probably was thinking how to proceed with his life after knowing what his father had done to him, so after the moving of his stuff was done, she hadn't really seen him.

Gale had left food in his room every day, he would eat something and then go back to sleep. No one was checking if he was in pain or if he was taking his medicine when he needed to, or even better would have been, check how much medicine he was taking. The little times Taylor or Gail would talk to him, he didn't answer, it was like his mind was somewhere else. Gail thought of doing something about it, he was clearly not well, but Taylor told her better not to bother him.

That day at night when Christian woke up, he knew he needed to do something about Ana, even though his thoughts weren't clear at that moment. She couldn't just be ignoring him. To him history was repeating itself. She wasn't answering him. He wanted to kill Elliott. He had profound anger towards his father and mother. He felt empty and confused like he couldn't think straight, he was willingly ignoring the fact he was drugged.

He got up, and went to the bathroom; he walked slower than usual due to the sedatives in his blood. He washed his face, ignoring his image in the mirror. He slowly managed to get to the camera room. Everything was dark in the house; he wondered what time it was.

Taylor was still there. "Sir," he said.

Christian replied with a raspy and low voice, he hadn't used it in three days. "Have you seen her?"

Taylor knew whom he was referring to. He nodded.

"Let me see her,'' said Christian.

Taylor sigh. "I don't think you should," he said.

"I'm not asking for your opinion," replied Christian coldly.

Taylor was prepared for this moment; he had marked the minutes and seconds, just in case. He suspected the boss wasn't ok. He couldn't keep his eyes focused for too long and it was taking him a real effort to stand still and straight. "Perhaps you would like to sit, sir," suggested Taylor not looking at him.

Christian came closer to the monitors and without replying, he sat down.

Taylor proceeded. "This one is from Tuesday," said Taylor. "She came home at noon. I know for a fact that she went to the hospital in the morning and then she went to SIP. Later at two twenty-four in the afternoon she left the building again." Because of privacy issues, they only had access to the cameras in the public areas but not in the elevator unless they were introducing the code to the Greys penthouse. Christian saw her rushing outside.

"You think something happened to her there?" he mumbled, this time his voice was softer.

"I couldn't say," replied Taylor. He continued. "She came back home that night at seven by the parking lot," he showed him, "and she left 45 minutes later she had changed her clothes and was carrying a travel bag."

"Was she alone?"

"Yes, sir. I didn't see Mr. Colt coming home that night."

Christian frowned. She left by foot but came back by car and without the husband, he thought.

"...but," said Taylor, "they arrived together the next day."

Taylor showed him, Christian seemed to be doing a big effort to keep concentrated; they were getting off the car at the parking lot. Ana was in the driving seat; John managed to get out first and opened the door for her. Christian swallowed, Ana got out of the car and John pressed her against it and kissed her.

Christian fisted his hands and looked down; he waited for Taylor to tell him it was over.

"After that," said Taylor, clearing his throat again, "they didn't go out on Thursday. I didn't see them until today morning. They were out for three hours and then they came back."

"Should I look?"

"Well..." said Taylor.

Christian looked at the screen, the image was similar to the other, but this time instead of kissing they were hugging and Ana seemed to be crying. Christian got up from his chair and he felt the need to punch John in the face and hold Ana.

"That was today at eleven thirteen, and tonight they went out, almost three hours ago," said Taylor looking at his watch.

"Have you been waiting for them to come back?"

Taylor nodded.

"Let me see the footage."

They left walking, both wearing dinner clothes, it seemed like a date.

"I want you to..." Christian pulled his hair for a second and closed his eyes, he had a lot of range in him now but he was also fighting the need to rush upstairs and take a pill.

"You were saying?" Taylor looked at Christian concerned.

"Let me know when she is alone, it doesn't matter the time, you can wake me up if I'm sleeping." Christian felt tired, he wanted to go to his room and forget for just a moment, he was about to leave but Taylor spoke. "They are coming back." He showed him the entrance of the building, this time Christian felt profound anger building in his chest, the couple was clearly laughing and, this time, he kept looking at them, filling himself with resentment. They kissed passionately, in front of Escala as two teenagers would.

"This is so fucked up...," mumbled Christian. He was agitated. His mind was a mess. "This is so fucked up!" he repeated louder and angrily.

Taylor was a step ahead and thanks to Christian's low capacity right now due to sedatives he managed to read his mind very quickly. He held him from the back. "Don't do it," he said. He didn't need much strength to hold a Christian that was clearly drugged.

"Let go of me," he said, not managing to even move a little bit the hold of Taylor.

"Christian" said Taylor, "you are under sedatives, you aren't thinking, you can't confront her in front of him. Try to think about it."

Christian stopped trying to let go of Taylor. Was he that drugged?

Taylor let go of him and took him to his room. Christian closed the door behind his back. He went straight to the bathroom and took a full pill and he wished he could forget what he saw. He felt tired and weird, like he wasn't in control of his body, he leaned on the door of the bathroom and slowly slipped to the floor, he fell asleep there.


It took Taylor a whole minute to wake Christian up. He had to shake him a little bit by the shoulders for him to finally open his eyes. Christian looked worse than last night, he looked even more gone.

"She is alone, but you are in no condition to see her."

"Shit," said Christian rubbing his face with his hand.

"I fell asleep here?" he mumbled.

"Apparently" replied Taylor.

"Help me get up." He said, his eyes weren't focusing.

Taylor pulled him up.

"What time is it?"

"10 am" she has been alone for about fifteen minutes.

He had slept 11 hours straight, he just needed to properly wake up. "Bring me an espresso, I'll take a quick shower."

"Sir..." started Taylor.

"Hurry!" said Christian cutting him off.

Taylor left and Christian managed to get to the shower

Twenty minutes later he felt better, he knew he wasn't completely sober from the sedatives, but he could talk much better, without mumbling so much, or so he thought.


Ana was waiting for this to happen; she knew that as soon as she was left alone Christian would show up. John went out for a moment, he needed to fill in some paperwork at work and then he was going to the bank, they were trying to find a buyer for their apartment; they were going back to Florida the next day in the evening. In the morning, they were going to another hospital to get the third scan of John's head, just because Ana insisted, the second opinion was the same as the first one. This time they were going to the same hospital of Christian. John was going with a colleague who offered to drive him, because he wasn't allowed to drive anymore. The only reason she didn't go with him was because they still needed to pack.

She heard the bell coming from the elevator. Ana gave a deep breath, and walked to the foyer. Christian was there, he was leaning on the elevator door, it took him a lot of effort and energy to get there standing up. He was obviously not as sober as he thought.

Ana looked at him, she knew he wasn't ok, he couldn't keep eye contact, his eyes seemed red and sleepy. She was worried. "Are you ok?"

Christian gave her an ironic laugh. "Am-I-ok?" He said, dragging the words.

"No!," he answered, "I'm not ok at all!" He said, raising his voice.

"You lied to me!" He complained, "it's-like-everybody-wants-to-drive-me-crazy" he mumbled this to himself.

Ana could understand he was mad at her, but he seemed different, he looked thinner and paler and gone, was he drunk? She thought. "I don't think this is the right time to talk," she said, "you aren't in your senses and you can't be like this for what I need to tell you."

He smirked, "I know what you need to tell me," he said. "You chose him," he whispered.

"Christian…"

"STOP!" He yelled before she could say anything, he swallowed before continuing, he felt so confused, he was trying to find the words, he ran his fingers through his hair. "You-have-completely-ignored-me. Not even a message" he said, "nothing... I am... I AM NOTHING TO YOU!"

"Don't say that..." she whispered. Elliot's words kept sounding in her head. "I have been busy, these days have been…"

"Stop lying to me!" he cut her. "I-saw-you… you have no shame..., '' he said, denying with his head."You have been busy, but with him. Haven't you?"

Ana didn't answer, Christian wasn't ok, nothing she could say right now will be enough for him, he needed an explanation but not like this, but his words were hurting her a lot.

Christian grabbed his head with both hands now.

"Why can't I be enough for you?" He whispered… "I could give you anything you want but you prefer that idiot.

"Don't talk like that about John!"

"Fuuuck…!" said Christian and he managed to move faster this time, he grabbed Ana by the arm.

He looked at her with so much anger that Ana felt fear. "You are hurting me!" she said

"You!" He said and he grabbed her with more strength, ''you are hurting!" he said ironically. His eyes were so red now.

"What is wrong with you?" She said with tears in her eyes.

"You!" he repeated. "You-are-what-is-wrong-with-me!" He said breathing agitated. "I-wish-I-had-never-met-you…" he let go of her and walked to the elevator. Ana was left there with tears in her eyes. She allowed herself to cry for a minute, but she needed to recover, she washed her face and took several deep breaths, Christian was obviously going through something but John could arrive any minute and he couldn't see her like that.


He went back to his apartment stumbling, and went straight to his bedroom, completely ignoring Violet and Jessica in the living room. Christian was angry and hurt, and his mind wanted to black out, he didn't want to think, he wanted to forget and erased everything.

Jessica left Violet with Grace and rushed upstairs. She didn't know Christian was out and was worried about what she just saw, Christian could barely walk straight.

She opened the door to his bathroom right on time. "Christian, don't do it!" He had a bunch of pills in his hand. She ran to him and dropped them from his hand. "Are you crazy?"

"Leave me alone, Jessica."

"No, don't even think for a second I'll leave you alone."

"What is the matter with you?"

"I-just-wanted-to-sleep..." said Christian.

She almost couldn't hear him. "No like that," she said, he was so vulnerable. "What is going on?"

"I-can't-talk-to-you-about-this..."

"Yes, you can. We are friends. Chris..., look at me. Look at me! This is not the way... you have a daughter, you need help if you were thinking about taking that many pills."

Christian hugged her and cried on her shoulder. "I'm sorry." He said. I'm an idiot, I-just-keep-doing-things-the-wrong-way."

"No, Christian." She felt like she was talking to a broken child. "You just need help, you have been sad for too long."

She let go of him and picked up the pills that they dropped earlier. She checked all the cabinets. Not much was left. "How many of these have you been taking?"

He didn't answer nor looked at her.

"Christian, the doctor said you needed to be careful."

"Well, it hurt" he said, annoyed.

"No it didn't! You have been abusing your medicine! What happened? You said it yourself that the medicine was not a joke." She was worried. Why was he doing this?

"She has been avoiding me, so I-went-to-see-her...," he swallowed.

He was finally talking about her. He opened the tap and washed his face.

"It's over." He said. "She didn't choose me."

"What do you mean? She is in another relationship?"

He nodded. "Give-me-just-one-so-I-can-sleep-Jessica."

"No, Christian. I can't." She used the intercom of the room. "Gale, can you please bring tea for Christian. And I need you to call the doctor. If he could come ASAP."

"Is everything ok?"

"Nothing to worry about," she replied. It wasn't the moment to worry her.


The doctor examined him. He knew by the look in his eyes he was in the effect of sedatives.

"Has your arm been hurting?"

"Just a little bit."

"Are you sure?"

Christian looked at him. "What do you want me to say?"

"The truth."

Christian swallowed. "I don't think so, I haven't noticed."

The doctor took the bandage off carefully. It was the first time Christian was seeing his wound. He had a pink line pretty much from the elbow to the wrist. It was weird to look at it.

"What happened to me?" asked Christian

"You received the impact of the airbag lit there, that plus several pieces of glass ended in you. We had to take everything off and then we tried to make a line that would be pretty much invisible. You are healing very well, we put invisible stitches and by the time it completely heals you won't have a visible scar, and you will just feel your skin a little thicker there."

Christian sigh.

The doctor knew what he was doing and what he was dealing with. He pressed harder than he should right on the pink line Christian had, he had no reaction. "You are drugged Mr. Grey."

Christian didn't reply.

Jessica entered the room when he was finishing replacing the bandages.

"Doctor," said Jessica. "We need to talk."

The doctor picked his stuff up and left the room. Christian did not answer when the doctor said goodbye, he stayed there sited looking at nothingness.

"I took all his medicine, he didn't have much left. The last he had, he almost took it all at once."

"Good," he said, "he has many symptoms of addiction. Make sure he can't find any pill around the house, try to supervise him. In addition, I want to run some tests, please bring him tomorrow morning. Fortunately it's still early to control this."

"Mrs. Grey," he said more seriously, "I think he not only developed an addiction to the sedative, I'm not expert in the subject but I think he has a deep depression."

Jessica was sad. "I have noticed."

"I'll see you tomorrow. I recommend you feed him well today, he should drink more water, I want to check how intoxicated he is so no more food after eleven pm, try to keep him company so we make sure he doesn't hurt himself."


Christian was sleeping now, he at least had left the room, he walked for a while from side to side of the window looking at Seattle. He couldn't look at Violet, he felt ashamed of himself. He would get flashes of the morning and would grab his head. The new bandages gave him more mobility of his right arm. Then he sat and felt asleep there.

The three adults in the house looked at him, Christian's mind was still gone, but he was getting into his senses soon enough.

"I have to talk to you two," said Jessica in a low voice.

"Why haven't you said anything about this? I'm very disappointed in you."

Gale looked at Taylor with reproach.

"I knew he wasn't ok, but Jason said we should leave him alone."

"Jason, what do you have to say?"

"I am sorry; I didn't realize it was that serious until last night."

"Who is she, Taylor?"

He didn't reply.

"All that is going on is because of that woman."

Taylor said nothing.

"Fine," said Jessica.


Gale took the first watch on Christian that day, since he was in the living room. Taylor would stay with him in the night.

Christian was still sleeping on the couch, she realized he was shaking, but he was covered. He woke up suddenly, and sat down, he was agitated. A tear fell down his cheek; he cleaned it with his hand. He had had a nightmare, though now that he was awake he realized the nightmare was still there, and it hurt.

Christian finally saw Grace who was looking at him from the kitchen counter.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"Four thirty."

"How long did I sleep?"

"Almost 3 hours. Are you hungry?" she asked.

"Not really, can I have some water?"

While Gale grabbed a glass for him he started strolling again. "Where is my daughter?"

"Mrs. Grey took her to the park." Gale started to see the concern in his eyes. "They aren't alone, '' she said, answering his unasked question."Prescott is with them. How are you?"

Christian strolled again before answering. "I guess I am as I look,'' he said. Christian knew he needed help after the things he had done today, this was the most sober he has been in the last days, but then again, he couldn't stop thinking of the feeling of freedom of mind while sleeping on sedatives. He kept looking down the window. Perhaps he would see her from there…

"Gale, I need to sleep, I don't want to think anymore." She noticed his hands were slightly shaking.

"You can go back to sleep," she said.

"No," he said, strolling again, "you don't understand." He said biting one of his nails

"I won't give you a pill."

Christian tightened his jaw.

"Which park did they go to?" He asked, trying unsuccessfully to not think about the need he had.

"Harborview," she said.

Christian drank his glass of water. He would continue biting his nails and murmuring something, Gail couldn't understand very well.

"I'm going to the bathroom," he said, rushing to his room.

He was lying, he checked everywhere for any sign of medicine he could find. He left a mess behind in his room and went back downstairs. The problem is he knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't control the need he was feeling.

"I forgot something downstairs" he said to Gail and did the same on Jessica's bathroom

Gail knew what was going on. She let him because earlier that day they made sure that not even a baby aspirin was left at home. When he realized he wasn't going to find anything he ran his fingers through his hair. He went back to the living room.

He didn't look at Gale. He sat down on the couch for a few seconds, he moved his legs nervously, he got up. He strolled again.

"Ok," he said abruptly, "give me food."

Gale heated him some pastrami soup and she had made Canelones. He was sitting at the dining table anxiously waiting. She put the food in front of him.

They heard the bell, and Gale went to check on the foyer.

"I don't think it is the best idea for you to be here today," she said to the people coming out of the elevator, Christian looked from the other side of the room. Ros and Elliot were there.

Christian's heart was racing. "Leave!" he said, "I don't want to see you." He said, looking at Elliott. "I want you out of my house."

"Chris…" started Elliot.

Gale interrupted him, she knew Christian couldn't take this right. Taylor, also aware of the situation, came out of the camera room, he had tried to sleep to be alert in the night, but he couldn't, so he saw all the interaction between Gale and Christian and Elliott and Ros in the elevator. "Mr. Elliot" said Gale, "please leave." She said kindly.

Elliot looked at her estranged. "What is going on?"

"Sir," said Taylor. "Not today, please."

Elliott swallowed. "Ok" he said, he looked at Christian who wasn't looking anymore at him. He saw him grabbing a spoon with a shaky hand and he started to eat the soup. He looked from Taylor to Gail and then to Ros.

"We will leave," said Ros. "Let's go, Elliott."

She grabbed him by the shoulder and guided him to the elevator.

They went downstairs in silence. Both were shocked. They made it to the parking lot. Elliot swallowed before speaking.

"You saw what I saw, didn't you?"

She nodded. "That wasn't alcohol."

Elliott took his phone and called Jessica.

"Hello" she said

"What's going on with Christian?" he went straight to the point-

Jessica didn't reply right away. "I think he…" she didn't know what to say, really. So she said what she thought would make more sense to Elliot. "I think the woman he was seeing broke up with him."

"Fuck..." replied Elliott. He hanged up

"What?" said Ros.

"What do you think? She broke his heart again!" He said coldly. He dialed Kate's number.

"Honey," she said. "I need to talk to Ana," he said, tightening his jaw.

"What happened? she said, worried."

"She broke up with him."

"Elliott, don't get in the middle of this. You have done enough." She said, Elliott didn't reply, was it his fault?

"Can you call her? Just say I want to talk, apologize, whatever."

"Ok," she said. As soon as they hung up she called her.

Once again she went straight to voicemail. She called Elliot back.

"She didn't answer,'' she said.

"Damn."

"Can we go to her floor?" asked Ros.

"No," he said, "we don't know the code of her apartment."

"Oh that…" she didn't know how to help Christian. "Elliott..."

"What!"

"I don't think she is the problem…" she said, it hurt her to say it, but she needed to say it."Christian is a grown up man, he knew what he was dealing with. I think we have to give him time."

"I can't just let this go. You know who he reminded me of?"

"Who?" she said

"The eyes, the lost stare, the sad expression, the pale skin..."

Ros looked at him, not understanding.

"He has a picture of her at home in Bellevue."

Now it hit Ros. "You think he is on drugs, like his birth mom. Like he is addicted to them."

Elliot was agitated. She was his mother after all… He called the only person Christian would trust right now.


Thank you for reading. As I say, it was a hard chapter to write.