A/N: A bit more notes regarding the last chapter. As I rewatched certain scenes from the R1, it dawned on me that Charles' words when he exiled Lelouch and Nunnally basically described what Lulu's Geass could do. As with his power of absolute obedience, if he wants to he could actually make puppets of anyone. And a part of me started thinking about how far the extent of Charles' manipulations in Lelouch's life has been. And that musing went spiralling out very far.

[2022 edit] Sorry for another long hiatus, despite how I still kept on writing for different fandoms. Perils of being ADHD.

Thank you to anyone still reading/following this fic.


Chapter 17.0: Shaken Resolve

o

o

She couldn't dismiss how pale Lelouch had looked after they found him after the royal announcement. And despite the fact that she didn't see any sign of their father nearby, she was sure that their father must have said something to Lelouch to shake him so much.

Cornelia shook her head as she ran up the stairs leading up to the bedrooms. Even if Kallen should be by her little brother's side she wanted to still check on him with her own eyes...

xxx

"—in the end, was I just a puppet under my father's control?"

Cornelia's heart clenched at the way Lelouch spoke out those words. It pained her so much to see her brother hurting that she slammed the door open and stomped into the room.

Lelouch and Kallen let out a cry of surprise as they turned their heads to see her. Cornelia let out a long sigh before turning her attention towards Lelouch.

"Snap out of this, Lelouch! Don't you dare go weak on me!"

xxx

"This isn't like you."

Lelouch glanced up towards Cornelia again. "What?"

His older sister just shrugged. "It's not like you to give up like this."

.

Cornelia sighed. "If this had been in the old days, you'd have started to fight back again. I still remember how you used to fight back when Clovis tried to bully you into doing anything."

Lelouch rolled his eyes at her. "Why are you suddenly bringing up that old story—", he started to say before pausing. "—did you hear everything that I said earlier?"

Cornelia didn't change her expression as Lelouch slumped his shoulders.

She took that cue to take a seat at the bedside, right next to him. Cornelia turned her head towards Kallen, smiling weakly. "I've told the servants earlier to prepare some tea. Would you mind going downstairs and bringing them here?

Lelouch stared at his sister in confusion, as Kallen obediently accepted the request and left the room. Immediately Lelouch realized that his sister intentionally wanted the two of them to be alone. So that means...

xxx

Cornelia sighed again before turning her attention back towards Lelouch. Her little brother looked so deflated like some of the defeated warriors that she used to break completely after her men captured them. She bit her lips in frustration.

"Was it THAT devastating to know for sure that father had manipulated almost everything that happened in your life? Was it so bad to realize that you weren't completely in control of everything?" Cornelia pursed her lips at him. "I thought that you already strengthened your resolve to strive for your goals! No matter what, as long as you could achieve the world that you wished for."

Lelouch finally glanced back up towards her. "I'm not even sure now if my thoughts—my actions—were even of my own conjuring or not..." he shook his head frantically as tears started to flow again from his eyes, "I can't even tell if I'm not under father's influence or whatever. Or just how far was father's scheme..."

Cornelia placed her hands on Lelouch's shoulders, grasping hard on them as her brother's attention snapped back to her.

"Does that even matter now? Even if father had engineered everything—manipulating and taking advantage of everything that happened so far to gain the outcome that favoured him, couldn't you still fight back and keep on striving for the future you wanted? Just as father had used you—all of us—to get us to this point, why not you use him back?"

Cornelia took in a long breath to calm herself. "Regardless of how we managed to get here, it's still a fact that father declared you to be the one to take the throne after him. Shouldn't we make use of that now?"

xxx

"I know what you're getting at, sis..." Lelouch started to say as he bit his lips. "I guess... I was scared. Just when I thought I knew everything about Father—how to beat him—that person turned out to be even more daunting than I could've imagined. Could I even surpass him at all?"

Cornelia took in a long breath before exhaling them slowly.

"No matter what method father used, it's painfully clear as day that everything father had done until now had been for your sake. Every action and every—" Lelouch felt his own heart breaking as he watched his sister struggling to continue, "—every sacrifice, it's all to make you stronger. Because he knows that if you're unable to rise above your enemies you'd never get the chance to change things the way you want."

Cornelia gave him a painful look before smiling weakly. "Just remember why and for whose sakes you're fighting now. So even if you know now how far father has manipulated everything to get you to this point, you don't let yourself falter."

.

A tear streaked past his right cheek as Lelouch hastily brushed it away.

"I'm sorry. Too many things were happening at once today I don't even know what—"

"Give him the tea I asked you to bring from downstairs."

Lelouch immediately glanced up towards his sister, puzzled. But Cornelia wasn't even looking at him but to—he turned his head to see Kallen already returned by his side. Beside her on the small table was a small tray, to which it held a brass teapot and a cup. When did Kallen come back here? Was he so preoccupied with his thoughts that he hadn't noticed her arrival?

Kallen poured some tea and passed the cup to him as Lelouch gave Cornelia an odd look.

"Drink," said his older sister firmly.

He blinked at her dumbly before doing what she ordered. Cornelia could be so scary when she wanted to be. Lelouch let out a gasp as he recognized the taste of the tea given to him.

Chamomile tea. Cornelia used to make this for him every time he gets so agitated or alarmed when he was younger. Back when he was still living at the palace with his mother and Nunnally.

He could barely remember it now, but he used to get harassed so often by his father's other consorts or their servants whenever they happened to find him alone by himself. He usually tried to ignore them (or if Nunnally was around he'd try to act strong before them) but he couldn't deny that those experience of being cornered was unpleasant. As much as he felt joy when his mother came to his rescue and scared the harassers away, there's nothing else more soothing than the chamomile tea Cornelia always made for him.

This sure brings back memories..., he thought pleasantly before becoming aware that he was being watched. He glanced up and blushed as his eyes met Kallen's.

Kallen must've been alarmed seeing me breaking down earlier, he realized as he tried to give her a reassuring smile. I'm alright now.

I know, he thought he could hear Kallen say to him.

xxx

Cornelia let out a sigh of relief as she could see that Lelouch had finally calmed down. At which she felt conflicted that she still had to give him this bad news.

"Lelouch, there's something else that I need to tell you." She let out a sigh. "Darlton had just given me this information earlier. His team had finally gotten into Camelot and secured the place. But this was bad news."

Lelouch frowned and cocked his head towards her. "What did you mean?" he asked as she answered.

"Most of the place had been cleaned up and barely half of the researchers were still around. It took a while for Darlton's team to pry the information out but it looks like someone had taken away the prototype that they've been working on recently. "

Cornelia bit her lips as she stared straight at Lelouch. "It was a new weapon based on the invention your friend had created."

"WHAT?" Lelouch stood up without warning as Cornelia hastily caught him.

"You need to rest! Let me handle this for now."

Cornelia forced him to sit down again as Lelouch made a face at her in protest.

xxx

"I'm sorry that you had to see all of this. Our royal family... weren't exactly what you'd call normal after all."

Kallen jumped as Cornelia suddenly addressed her before hastily shaking her head at her. "It's okay! It's not that I couldn't relate to that kind of family situation..."

Lelouch gave her a questioning look as she just shrugged at him. Kallen thought about her stepmother, her own parents and the complicated circumstances involved due to her mixed ancestry origins. As much as her own family wasn't as big as Lelouch's nor as complicated, she felt that she could somewhat understand how such an environment could affect people. And Lelouch was part of the royal family! She couldn't even start to imagine how hard it must've been to live that kind of life.

And she used to wonder how did Lelouch turn out to be such annoying and snobbish pain in the ass. Guess this explains how some of Lelouch's other siblings could be so twisted et al.

"...those two weren't even the worst..."

Kallen recalled the last time Lelouch told her about his other siblings. Guess it should be a miracle that Lelouch still manages to turn up as a decent person.

.

"I wonder..."

Kallen glanced up towards Cornelia as the second princess appeared distracted. It didn't look as if she was talking to her still nor did it look like she was addressing Lelouch. She gave Lelouch a questioning glance but he was also at a loss. Kallen couldn't help noticing how Cornelia kept idly running her fingers to caress Lelouch who was still sitting right beside her. She could tell that Lelouch himself was also hyper-aware of the attention he was getting as he tried to look away from her.

"...could it be that it started at that time? Or much earlier?"

"Nellie?"

Kallen turned her attention towards Lelouch, surprised at the way he addressed his sister. He usually called Cornelia by her full name yet—

Cornelia quickly snapped back to attention before shaking her head.

"It's nothing. You should go back to rest," she started to say as Kallen immediately took the cue to usher him to properly lie on the bed.

"Yes, definitely! The doctor said that the shock you got earlier was so bad that it made your body react extremely. It's why you collapsed back there."

Lelouch stared at her in surprise as she continued. "I never thought that you're the type to get panic attacks of all things..."

Lelouch just smiled weakly at her.

"Well... it can't be helped."


A/N2: Nowadays I'm mostly active on AO3 compared to here. So at times updates here gonna be slow since I tend to forget to crosspost new stuff here.