Chapter 3

Mid-morning: The morning fog has lifted, the air is beginning to warm as the sun illuminates the lush woodlands. A stream of water gently flows through an area flora-rich. At the edge of the water's bank there's a clearing with a pine needle carpet, two logs rolled close to a burnt out campfire, empty beer bottles pepper the floor, and a bright yellow tent hastily erected beside.

"Wakey-wakey eggs and bakey!" is yelled loudly, disturbing the wildlife. A guy with a glowing smile marches into the opening hooting at the top of his lungs "Hi-de-Hi happy campers!". He drops a handful of sticks next to the fire, in an attempt to make more noise, then stands proudly with hands on hips looking around at natures majesty. Pigeon chest boldly pumped, naked from the waist up apart from a bright red neckerchief tied around his neck, big hiking boots on, and jean shorts cut so high his balls are almost dangling out.

He shouts again, "Time for breakfast, wake uh-up!". A faint moaning can be heard from inside the dazzling yellow tent. Moans and groans, until a head peaks out and squints to see what all the squawking is about.

"You're making breakfast?" the head inquires.

"No, silly. You decided to eat all our food last night when you had the munchies." the noise maker replies.

The head decides to end his slumber, and struggles to exit the tent crawling out, then shakily stands up, almost tripping over. Wearing only tighty whities, belly hanging out, the hairy backed 'bear' forages around for his clothes which seem to be missing. He spikes his foot on something, and hops to retrieve a T-shirt hanging from a branch, then a pair of jeans on another, then a single sock from another, while the other guy stands watching highly amused.

The bear has now awoken, and fiercely scans the area for his absent sock. He questions; "So where's the breakfast then?"

"Out there!" the noise maker chirps while pointing at nowhere in particular.

"Out where?" is the bear's irritated response, he gives up looking for his misplaced sock, and lowers onto one of the logs with a heavy thud to put his jeans on.

'Noisy' spreads both hands out in front and proclaims, "The forest is our oyster my dear friend! There's a whole banquet out there to feed from, we just need to take what we want from the table, and enjoy the delicious offerings mother nature haseth served us", as he delicately plucks an imaginary grape and drops it into his mouth.

The bear is giving the side eye, and manages to squeeze into his jeans after a long fight with them. Rising up, he displays the most magnificent pair of bell-bottoms, flaring so far out that if a slight breeze came along he would take flight. He puts on a way too tight brown T-shirt, with "bad mother fucker" printed on the front. Then starts combing his hands through his hair, shaking off the flattened mess to reveal an Olympic medal winning 'fro. So spectacular, he would easily be declared a Nobel Prize winner for defying the laws of physics. The bear looks down at his jeans, and with a puzzled look mutters "belt" spinning his head around both sides to look for it, with the 'fro taking a few milliseconds to catch up. He looks back at 'noisy', and splutters, "You're not really doing that shit, are you? I thought it was a joke. The day we came up with this camping idea, you ran off down to the library, borrowed a book on outdoor survival, got a few pages in, then it gathered dust until you remembered to take it back…..late!".

Unfazed, the noisy one harps back "Oh Tweedle-Dum, (the bear gives a hearty fake laugh) I gathered all the information I needed from the book, and to be honest it's in my blood to live off the land, mom always said we were half Comanche".

The bear chimes in, "Oh Twinkle-Dee. You've never left the city in years, and your grandpa came on a boat in shackles, he was so busy with the cotton, he didn't have time to mess around with the locals".

Noisy shrugs the snipe off, and picks up a rope he brought to set traps with. He ties it into a lasso, then spins it around his head a few times, and tries his hardest to wrangle a rock, failing each time. "What did you expect we were going to do when we walked over an hour from the car, only bringing one night's worth of food?". Punctuating with another flunked lasso shot.

The bear responds; "You know I don't like all this shit, man. I don't like bugs, snakes, or being too far away from civilization". Holding his hands up in the air.

"I like concrete, carbon dioxide, and cockroaches! (blissfully inhaling through his nose) I just thought we'd go to a diner in one of the towns to pick up supplies, go to the bar, get boozed up, smoke a few doobies (holds an imaginary joint to his mouth and puffs) then crash in the tent. I heard they have some killer weed out here that'll make you believe you're flying on a magic carpet! I thought we'd get all Peter Pan and shit, then kick back. You know we have zero chance of catching anything to eat, and we're here for a full week! We'll die of starvation out here man!".

Bear continues; "Whatever, there's all kinds of crazy red necks around here anyway, country folk are weird man. People like us should stay in the city, not out here waiting to be strung up by some freakazoids in white robes, and pointy hats", acting as if he's being hung from the neck, eyes crossed and tongue hanging out.

"You ever see that Burt Reynolds film where the red necks catch him, and they make him squeal like a pig?"

"Smoky and the Bandit?" 'Noisy' asks. The noise maker picks up a stick, and mimics hunting with a spear, "Ye of little faith, I'll just have to do it myself then, like always, don't expect a share of the spoils though". He takes out a rusty old pocket knife and sharpens the end of the stick, then smirks, "I might throw you a couple of bones when I'm finished with my rabbit soup, if you beg hard enough that is", ending with an evil cackle. Noisy holds the stick like a javelin, closing one eye to aim, tongue sticking out in concentration, and throws it at the rock, missing by a mile.

The bear indulges his theatrics; leaning over a bush with red berries, picking one off, and holding it up. "Now tell me, Blackleberry Finn, what'll happen if I eat this berry, will I get sick?".

Noisy picks up a rucksack, and readies himself for the big hunt. "You can get sick for all I care 'Jim'! I'm off to find nourishment!", then prances off singing what sounds like a 50s Doo-Wop song "ooh baby, hey baby".

The bear shouts at his back, "well, when I bring back burgers, don't expect a bite!", then mumbles to himself "you can bite my ass". With a big grin on his face he shoots the berry into his mouth, and starts chewing. The bear immediately spits the berry out with a sour look on his face, then starts scanning the area for his missing sock, while spitting berry bits. "Hhmmmm, Where could it be…? What happened last night?".

Over the stream, in the near distance, something is there, it's been there the whole time, peering through the leaves, listening, watching. It moves suddenly, and is gone.

Foraging around for his errant sock, the bear is peeling back branches, looking into bushes, spinning around looking in all directions with a confused look on his face, and bell-bottoms flapping with each turn. The bear finally finds his belt and looks high up into the tree next to the tent to locate the misplaced sock, he scratches his head wondering how it got up there, still unclear about the last night's antics. He throws his belt up in the hopes of knocking the sock down, misses and the belt drops onto the pine needle floor. He needs tools, and grabs a low-hanging branch with two hands, attempting to snap it off. After much tussling, wrestling, and wrangling, he eventually breaks off a branch, then pokes at the sock with it, almost reaching but not quite. Distracted by his mission, he hasn't noticed that somebody or something is there while he's reaching up trying to stab at the sock. Stood right behind is the 'Monster', breathing heavily. It now wears the kid's kill bag over its head, with one eyehole poked through.